Brandi's Birthday BBQ

Went to my friend Brandi's house for her birthday BBQ. We work together. She is dating my boss, which is so convenient for me! LOL! They are both really great, and I had a good time. She has 3 German Shepherds and 3 cats now (One of her Shepherds just got adopted). They are sooo sweet!

One of Brandi's babies - Conan.  They run the house.

Brandi and Conan

Brandi's BBQ'd Chicken

My boss!  I'm so lucky. :-)

Brandi and her other baby. ;-)

Perspective

On the way home from work tonight, I got RIGHT behind a horrific accident on 405, in the middle lane, and I mean horrific! The car was unrecognizable and there was a guy laying on the freeway. Help arrived in seconds, literally, but it gave me flashbacks of my law enforcement days and arriving on scenes just like this one. I have the unique ability to detach emotionally and stay calm in a crisis, but you still take it with you. I don't know the extent of the injuries, but it couldn't have been good. My heart goes out to the everyone involved and their families. It could have been me. How we take our lives for granted.

Life

No matter how good things are, there is always something bringing me down. Why? Is this just life? Is there something wrong with me? Does this only happen to me? I have so many things to be thankful for.  My health, a great job, all my bills paid, a beautiful home with a pool, a cute dog, great family and friends who love me, the list goes on and on. I guess I'm just frustrated. I think I am mad at myself for letting someone into my heart. I know he let me in too, but things just get so complicated when you get older. So many things to consider. Why is it so damn easy to express yourself and be carefree about love when you're young? If we could only have the enthusiasm of youth again! The boldness, the resilience, the fearlessness!

I don't know what is going to happen. Not even a clue. I meet and talk to men all the time. I send some of them running with my strong personality and inability to be controlled, and some of them become good friends. There is only one that has taken up residence in my heart. I know how he feels, and I think he is even more afraid than I am. It is so silly. What are we so afraid of?

Crazy Times

I have been way too busy to see straight. Deadlines at work, working late, late night dates and no energy. I fell asleep as soon as I got home from work on Friday, slept a good portion of the day on Saturday, then John and I did our normal stay out until 5 am thing Saturday night to Sunday, so I slept most of the day on Sunday too. Now I'm back at crazy work. In between all of that, I have been emailing someone new. I'm not going to talk much about it unless it becomes something real, but so far so good. We'll see. He likes horror movies, so this is a big plus. :-)  I tell myself this: John can either commit and be more attentive than is, or he will eventually be replaced, regardless of how much I care for him. I think that's fair. I give no pressure, no ultimatum, this is just my own personal plan of action.

My stepson has instructed me to go see "Cabin in the Woods", so I will probably be seeing it this week some time. My new "guy" said he would "love to go see it with me". Yay! :-)  Apparently, it is good, and I trust his judgement.

This is what I deal with.

Hint: Note the times.

Text messages from today:
1:13 pm (You know who): "Hey sweetie, how are you doing?"
1:18 pm: (Me): "I'm good, u?"
3:46 pm: (You know who): "I'm good. Want to get together this week?"
4:00 pm: (Me): "Sure."
7:52 pm: (You know who): "What day works best for you, Thursday, Friday or Saturday?"
8:01 pm: (Me):  "Friday or Saturday"
No response.  Sigh.

Easter Garden

I played with my camera this weekend in the backyard. It was beautiful and in the 80's all three of my days off, and I enjoyed every second of it. I also laid in the sun, went swimming and went to see my stepson in a play up in L.A. It was a good weekend to get my head together and relax, however I managed to fall right on my ass, lock, stock and barrel, while walking around Hollywood. I had on wedges, and the sidewalk was full of potholes and cracks. I was of course carrying a big, iced mocha, and wearing white went I went sailing onto the pavement. Ouch. Can't take me anywhere.

I took a picture of the grapefruit and orange trees in my backyard (see below), and I put the photo as desktop wallpaper on my computer. My mom walked by and said, "Why do you have a picture of rotten fruit as wallpaper?" LOL!

Having to take it down a notch, or five.

OK, having two men in my life (John and Tony) is all I can handle. Anything more than that and I'm going to start getting names, dates and info confused.

I was so happy (which is weird) when my date for Tuesday night blew me off. In fact, I was relieved. I was too tired to deal with meeting someone new. I'm getting old, you know?

I took a half day off of work yesterday to get a manicure/pedicure and take a nap. That's how exhausted I am. Both John and Tony keep me out REALLY late, and sometimes on a work night. I really need to take a vacation. My friend Mario (the friend I went to Texas with last year) is talking about booking a trip to New Orleans, maybe I will do that to get away!

Stupid Facebook

So the reason I have been so absent lately on here is because I have been a maniac on Facebook. I hate Facebook, but it just sucks you in and it is just useless to fight. I can say what I want here because only a few select people on Facebook know about Crazydogmama and I am VERY careful not to advertise, but I have to watch myself there. For example, John is one of my Facebook friends. And I know he reads it because every time we are on a date, he comments on something I have said there. I have often wondered what the hell I will do if I ever do get into a relationship and have to tell the guy about my blog. Wait, I don't have to tell, right? Crap. Delete button. I can use the delete button!

It's like I live two lives. Good Cheryl, Bad Cheryl. Maybe it's just bad Cheryl taking over. :-/