Party of One

So, I took a lovely bubble bath. So nice. I used foaming lavender and rose petal fragrance. I drank champagne and played "Enigma". I like the chanting monks. The songs "Principles of Lust" and "The Rivers of Belief" are awesome. In the "Rivers of Belief", the first part sounds like "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" (lame), but once you get past that, it puts you in a relaxed state of mind, I love it. The dogs were oh-so curious about what I was doing, so I kept blowing bubbles on them for a little entertainment. Also entertaining? Trying not to drop my $1000 camera in the tub.

SPLAT

I need to add "bird" to my repertoire of kills with my vehicle. There have now been 3 deer, a dog and a bird. Last night while driving home, a big, fat bird flew right smack into my windshield as I was going about 60 mph. It left a nice BIG blob of guts and blood and of course scared the living piss out of me. I used my windshield wipers and fluid to try and clean it off, but all it did was smear it all over the place. In chunks. There are chunks of guts still on my windshield. I'll need to hose that off later.

In other news, Jim left this morning for California, and I will be having an exciting "party for one" tonight. I plan to take a nice hot bath with lots of bath salts and good smellies, accompanied by candles and champagne. I'm taking tomorrow off for "mental health" and I'm hoping to get some much-needed sleep.

Wordless Wednesday

A beautiful Tuesday morning in June.

It's raining and drizzling. It actually doesn't bother me all that much, and it makes me laugh to hear everyone complaining. I may be alone on this, but I hope the summer is mellow. I like the sunshine as much as the next guy, but I like 'pleasant' weather. I don't have air conditioning, so if it gets really hot, I feel like I can't breathe.

I have a bit of a headache I need to get rid of, and a whole butt-load of work on my desk. *sigh*. Another day in paradise.

I'm calmer now, you can come out of hiding.

I am shopping for a Blackberry. Maybe a Curve? Do you have one? Do you like it? What kind do you have? Would you get a different one if you could? I can't live without the internet/email now at any given point in my day. Plus, if I EVER get to travel, I may not want to take my laptop.

I need feedback because I am virtually clueless about these right now. I am just now starting to do my research. You tech people out there need to help me. Thanks.

Pep Talk

This is not for the faint of heart, just so you know. I read what I wrote this morning and just shook my head. I decided to look myself in the mirror and say this:

"Snap out of it. You are acting ridiculous. Quit being a whiny-ass wuss. You've been through worse, and you will GO THROUGH WORSE. You know that the earth is about to split open and unleash the demons of hell, and you better stop being an idiot drama-queen RIGHT NOW. You are stronger than this. You are not this stupid, nor gullible. You've had some pain, some loss, some heartache, now it's time to GET OVER IT. What is going to happen, is going to happen. People are going to do what they are going to do, or not. You know what you have to do. You know what needs to be done. DO IT. Go get your work done!"

I think I missed my calling as a Drill Sargeant.

I shouldn't blog today.

I am just going to bring you down. I didn't blog yesterday, the first day in months because I just didn't see the point. I really don't want to blog today, but people are starting to get concerned. I'm sorry about that, it's hard to share your pain sometimes. How I'm feeling? Like I don't care whether I live or die. Don't get all freaked, it's just a feeling.

I kind of collapsed yesterday and slept all day. The whole not sleeping thing eventually catches up with you. I'm tired of hearing myself complain, so I figured the rest of the world could do without it too. I'm depressed, or sad, I guess. I'm not just having a couple of bad days; I can't shake this funk and its starting to piss me off. So many things have happened to me personally in the last 6 months or so, and I tend to internalize everything. I guess that catches up with you too. Just when you think you are strong, you find out how weak you are. The work is piling up on my desk and I'm just staring at it. I'm going to have to gather all the strength I have to do it. I don't think anyone is going to rescue me from this mess.

Some days I have great hope for things, then the next I just feel like a fool. Yeah, I blog about some things, and I talk to a therapist, but what it comes down to, is no matter how hard I try, well, you know. No one gets what's going on with me, because I keep most of it to myself. I'll feel good for about a week here and there. Honestly, right now, I don't feel like praying, and I don't feel like talking. Which isn't like me. Life throws weird stuff at you. Sometimes I don't get it. I find myself saying stuff like "What am I supposed to do with that?" "How am I supposed to react to this?" Just feeling alone, even though I'm really not. Don't give up on me.

Someone just came up to me and told me I looked nice today. Which is sweet, especially since it was a guy. But I'm like, whatever, thanks. Somebody needs to smack me, geez! I managed to snap a couple of Monday morning piss-fest pictures of myself. These are not the sexiest pics, I know. Back away slowly. I bite. I was trying to throw a kiss, but look as though I'm about to burst into tears? Hot.

Saturday Quotes.

I like quotes. :) Enjoy.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
- Helen Keller

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible."
-Unknown

"Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries."
-Everett Dirksen

"The world is so constructed, that if you wish to enjoy its pleasures, you must also endure its pains."
-Brahmnanda, Hindu philosopher

"Sadness is but a wall between two gardens."
-Kahlil Gibran

"Seek the wisdom of the ages but look at the world through the eyes of a child."
-Ron Wild

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is awaiting us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one is to come."
-Joseph Campbell

Places I want to go before I die.

I've compiled a list of all the places I've always wanted to go. I guess I would be happy going ANYWHERE since I've never been anywhere, but I suppose this would be my "ultimate" list. There are other places I would like to add to my list, but I'm going to start with this. It starts small and gets exponentially more expensive.

1. Las Vegas. I know, you can't believe I've never been there. Well, I haven't. This is actually doable for me. I'm not really a huge gambler/drinker, but I've heard it's a great place for an insomniac. I would really like to go on the rollercoaster on top of the building and the one that goes through the hotel, too. I love thrills.

2. New Orleans. I know it is not the same since Katrina, but I know I would fall in love with it. The jazz bars, the creepy cemeteries, the swamps. Imagine the photos I could take! The Cajun food! My favorite photographer makes me yearn to see it. http://www.juliabailey.com/

3. New York. I would love to just walk the streets of New York and people watch.

4. Northern Italy. I am partial to Northern Italian cuisine, and I adore Amarone wine. I would love to tour the Valpolicella region and specifically Veneto.

5. Greece. I really need to go to Santorini, Greece. I've wanted to go there for so long. I think it would be incredibly romantic and beautiful. All the white, rounded buildings/structures lining the hillsides. I hear Crete is amazing, too. the history alone is incredible.

6. Salzburg, Austria. I love Mozart. I took a classical music course in college and have wanted to visit Salzburg ever since.

7. Bavaria, Germany. I would love to see the Eagle's Nest. Perhaps drive the "Romantic Road".

8. Bora Bora, French Polynesia. I've never been any place tropical, and a friend of mine said this is "BAR NONE" the most amazingly beautiful place on earth. The water, the huts, the food, the people. I have a collection of photos I've gathered dreaming of this place. I use them as wallpapers on my computer.

9. Egypt. I am fascinated by Egyptian history. Who isn't? The pyramids, the tombs, the culture. Everything.

10. Israel. (The Holy Lands) It gives me goosebumps just thinking about the history there. A bit dangerous, but oh well.

The only other places I can think of are perhaps somewhere in Mexico, Puerto Rico? Cancun? I'm not sure yet. And maybe a tropical rain forest. South America? The Congo? I don't know, though.

One thing at a time. I'm trying to plan a trip to Vegas, maybe September? I know it will be really hard to twist Juice's arm to meet me there.

Really Good Quotes

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
- Elbert Hubbard

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances, if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-Carl Jung

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."
-Mark Twain

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."
-Confucious

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
-M. Scott Peck

"In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"If you understand everything, you must be misinformed."
-Japanese proverb

"You don't realize how good your memory is until you try to forget something."
-Unknown

"Confidence is the ability to be more interested than afraid."
-Unknown

The calm before the storm.

This is how I woke up feeling this morning. I don't know if it is personal to me, or if it is more far reaching. Thought I would post it to see if I am alone on this or not. Could be both, I guess.

I'm not trying to be dramatic. Much.

Nacho Bar Night

Juice puts on quite a lovely nacho bar on Thursday nights. I went this time because I needed to perk up. Being around Juice and Hole will perk ANYONE up, I don't care if you are on death row. I wasn't my usual self, but it was really nice to have another night out. (This is becoming a habit!) She did not tie Hole and I down to watch "Ugly Whores in the City", we just talked and stuffed our little pie holes with much queso. Which brings me to some great observations I had last night.

Hole is quite anal-retentive about putting a nacho plate together. Let me explain. She methodically and systematically lines each and every tortilla strip up on the plate. She then proceeds to put individual clumps of cheese on EACH chip. It was explained to me that it is of the utmost importance to have cheese on ALL tortilla chips evenly. She then re-layers. Then, she puts the plate in the "MIKE". She does not "nuke" her nachos, or put them in the microwave, she "MIKES" them. Also new for me. She does not have the patience for stove-cooking nachos, nor knows how to use the stove. LOL. I have to get cultured somehow. I have documented the photographic evidence of such behavior. You have not experienced nachos, until you have experienced nachos with Hole. ME? I grab a handful of chips, throw them on the plate, grab cheese and fling it on the chips (no tongs, people, big handfuls), NUKE them, then smother them with sour cream and the hottest salsa I can find. End of story. She brought me Reses peanut butter cups, however, so the love is flowing all over for her right now.

You should have heard us singing (and we weren't drinking). Harmonizing is hard. Especially when you forget the words or laugh too much. I had to leave, and I missed a rendition of the "Macarena". It was very unfortunate; I really would have liked to have seen those two attempt that.

I stayed up WAY too late. It was a work night for me, and Juice lives a good hour to an hour and a half away from me. It turned out OK though, I flew down the freeway with hardly any other cars on the road (rare). There is something about driving a dark, empty freeway at night. Something soothing about it. Especially when you have peanut butter cups.

My gas light came on about halfway home. I still had at least 30 miles to go. Sweet. Someone upstairs was looking out for me, though, because I made it all the way to the Sultan gas station! It was closed and all dark, but the pumps were on if you had a credit card/debit card. Thank God! As I was gassing up, it was spooky. It's like the town was deserted, but then all of sudden some drunk idiots came stumbling out of the bar across the street yelling obscenities and whatnot. Great. That's all I need right now. What am I going to do, throw peanut butter cups at them? I hid behind my truck a little bit hoping they wouldn't spot me. I kept coming up with psycho survival plans like pouring gas on them and threatening to use my lighter. But then I realized that would blow all of us up. OK, not a good plan. They didn't approach me, but then something worse happened. I saw the final total. SEVENTY DOLLARS for gas. HOLY CRAP! Now I wish they had come and killed me. Gas is $4.25 a gallon. My mom is still in California and said it is $4.45 down there. This is scary. I think we're on the verge of some kind of economic crash, what do you think?

Oh, btw, apparently, according to Hole and Juice, my new nickname is "SPF 36". It means "Sugar Plum Fairy" and my age is 36. Hmmm. Okaaay. I guess I dance in your head, as sugar plum fairies do, are you good with that? You can call me whatever you like. I don't mind.

Today

I haven't talked to anyone today. No one has talked to me. Don't have a clue what to say. It's so quiet right now I can hear my own heart beating.

Important Questions

If you could have a superpower, what would you choose? I narrowed it down to either flying or invisibility. But then my analytical and neurotic brain started overthinking it and I thought, well, invisibility could be tricky unless you could also walk through walls and stuff because just opening doors and whatnot would scare people and they would end up calling an old priest and a young priest, and then I thought do I REALLY want to know what goes on? Probably not. It could be fun for a while, but then I think it would become a big burden. It would also be hard not to do evil things like go to the bank vault and just let people watch floating money go past them. Nope, invisibility is out.

OK, so flying. Cool, right? It would totally save on gas and the adrenaline junkie in me would be all excited. But wait a minute. The military would be trying to shoot me down all the time and people would be asking me to do stuff all the time, and I'd probably get really cold, you know, tights just wouldn't get it done. Also, if no one else could fly, then going to all those fun exotic places would be lonely and depressing. Damn it! Then I thought about the "Greatest American Hero" (remember that retarded show?) That would be me, trying to fly looking like an epileptic and then crash landing all over the place.

Maybe being able to shock stupid people when I feel like it? ZAP! Yeah, that would be a career, forget that.

OK, I'll settle for snapping my fingers for weight loss. Yeah, that works! I'll take that one.

Something to break up the Dr. Phil talk.

#1 Senior Prom! Holy Boobs, Batman! I can't believe my dad let me out of the house that way. LOL.

#2 Dirt biking! I'm not very good at it, but it's fun.

#3 My Sergeant (boss) when I worked for the King County Fraud Unit. Look at the dinosaur computer!

#4 Me doing slave labor. My mom had me splitting wood, and all I got for it was a U2 record.

#5 Me graduating from the Police Academy. Can you find me? I'm the one that looks 12 and really intimidating. A mistake many of my arrestees made. Ha.

#6 My fav place in the whole world (so far) is at Bridal Veil Falls in Index, WA.  I used to hike up there all the time, it is incredibly beautiful and refreshing!

#7 Rats! I used to have pet rats. This is Cappuccino and Amaretto. (Cappy and Rhetto)

#8 I'm a skydiver. This was my perfect landing. I'm better at this than dirt biking.

#9 Me dancing with my Uncle Burt. Uncle Burt is really funny and has mutton chops.

Lost in Translation

I don't know why, but I LOVE this movie. It conveys so much of the kind of emotion I can relate with. I like how you can tell what they are feeling without any words. I can also identify with the insomnia! See? I don't just watch horror movies. I'm watching it right now (taking a short break) and thinking of nuking a frozen burrito. I'm by myself tonight and don't feel like cooking.

Giving up, or opening up?

It's a bit hard to explain, I suppose. Maybe I used the wrong words. Part of it is realizing some things will never change, part of it is realizing that you can't stop yourself from changing, part of it is realizing that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and part of it is just thinking everything is crystal clear, or black and white, when in fact, it isn't. Life is complicated. People are complicated. You might think you understand something or someone, but you could be wrong. I'd like to say that I'll never give up on my dreams or my desires, but I get frustrated. Everyone does. My therapist laughed at me when I said "I give up" today. She explained to me that I was in a huge transition period and that I could expect that everything that used to feel comfortable, will become uncomfortable, at least for a while. I'm breaking old patterns of behavior and my ideas/thoughts on certain subjects have been slightly altered. I'm finding myself in unfamiliar territory. I guess I'm giving up on trying to stop that from happening. I'm just going to let it happen. You could say I'm "opening myself up to new things and ideas".

I sound like a damned idiot, don't I? LOL.

Have you ever noticed?

Change is inevitable, but much of the time the things you WANT to change, don't, and the things you DON'T WANT to change, do?

My alarm is supposed to go off at 6 am. I've been up since 5 am, and not because I am excited to go work. What is wrong with me? Why do I have so much trouble sleeping? When I was a kid, I could sleep anywhere, anytime. My parents were on a bowling league, and I even fell asleep at the bowling alley. It's only been the last couple of years that this sleeping thing has been a problem, and I've been stressed out longer than a couple of years. I can't get certain things off of my mind, yet I can't really concentrate on any one thing for too long. Its maddening! The really strange thing is, I LOVE to sleep. You'd think it would be easy for me since I love it so much. I get all cuddled up in my blankies with the fuzz-butts and I feel safe and warm. I guess I'm good with naps, but the nighttime thing just doesn't work anymore.

Everybody Loves Raymond

I didn't really watch it when it was on the air, but "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a damn funny show. I've been watching reruns and DYING from laughter at some of the scenes. There is some good writing for that show.

Best Moment #1: When Raymond is the only witness to his brother Robert's newest girlfriend eating a fly. You have to watch the whole episode, because the best part is toward the end when Raymond is trying to explain to his wife Debra and brother what he saw. OMG, it's hilarious.

Best Moment #2: (One of the reasons I don't have children.) Ray's wife brought an "unapproved" snack to their daughter's T-ball game and when she was reprimanded, she got mad and refused to bring the right kind of snack next week. Not supporting his wife making a point, Ray sneaks in some "approved snacks" and gives it to the weenie dad when Debra leaves for a moment. The dad is trying to thank Ray and doesn't know Debra doesn't know, and in fear of Debra getting really mad, Ray freaks out. I had to keep rewinding this scene.

Train Tunnels & Ice

*Before I get into this, I have to tell you that I have received a HUGE amount of crap for deleting my "Turn On's" post so quickly, so for the 100th time, I'M SORRY! BOA, I promise to not care about what anyone thinks anymore.

Now, as most of you know, I don't sleep well. I either sleep too much, or don't sleep at all. Well, last night was no exception, but it was the sleep for 2 hours, then wake up for 2 hours, on repeat. During those brief slumber periods, though, I must have hit REM sleep because I had some bizarre dreams. Most of the time people either have nonsensical dreams, or just random subconscious dreams. Me? I have premonition and "vision" dreams, vivid "epic" dreams with plots and development, and ones I call "must be a product of my therapy" or symbolic of emotions dreams. I think the dreams I had last night were the symbolic emotion kind.

"The Train Tunnel Dream"
I was in a train tunnel. It wasn't a very long tunnel, and it smelled like a cow pasture. There were a few others in the tunnel with me, no one I recognized, just random faces. Every few seconds, a really fast train would come flying through the tunnel at a warp speed. Sparks would fly as it cornered the rails on its way out of the tunnel. We would all have to smash ourselves up against the wall each time the train came through to avoid getting run over. Every time I tried to make a run for it to get out of the tunnel, I heard the roaring of the train coming and had to slam up against the wall again. My truck was parked just outside the tunnel, and I was trying to get to it, but was having no luck. The train almost hit the truck every time it cornered, and I would hold my breath because it was my only ticket out of there. As you can imagine I was frustrated and agitated. I was trapped and could see a way out but couldn't quite get there. After many attempts to run or just inch my way along, I finally looked at the other people and said, "Fuck it!", I'm out of here, if I get run over, I get run over. A man standing next to me grabbed my shoulder and said, "WAIT", have patience. I looked over at him and said, "Have you met me? I'm Cheryl, and I have zero patience." He just laughed but held on to my shoulder. I sighed and felt the wind of the damn train go by again. It was LOUD. The man told me that there was a pattern to the trains, and if we could figure it out, then we could escape without harm. Unfortunately, that's all I remember.

"The Ice Dream"
The other dream I remember was a little funny. I had been driving trying to find a place and was a little lost. I was with two other people, a couple. I didn't like them for some reason, and they didn't like me. We stopped at some cafe somewhere for something to eat and we were all drinking sodas; me regular coke, and them diet cokes. I got up to refill mine and they slid their cups over to me so that I could refill theirs too. I was annoyed but picked them up anyway. I went over to the soda dispenser and started getting ice for all of the cups. Ice went EVERYWHERE, and I mean everywhere. It was shooting out all over the floor and piling up. I just kind of stood there watching it happen. The couple were looking at me shaking their heads as if saying "she can't even fill sodas". The ice wouldn't stop, and I just started to crack up.

I need a dream interpreter!

Another MEME.

Aren't you guys sick of these yet?

Like you don't know enough about me already. Some of my readers don't have blogs and I never get to tag them with these things and therefore don't get to know anything. I don't know how many of these I can even answer right now, but I'll give it a shot.

1. Favorite Person - I like Hole's answer: My Soulmate. It's a weird term, though, do you think those really exist, or is it just your special someone that you connect with?
2. Favorite Food - Steak.
3. Quirks about you - OMG. You tell me. I am one big quirk.
4. How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? I don't know. I hope it would be good things.
5. Any regrets in life? - Yup.
6. Favorite charity/cause - The CrazyDogMama charity/cause. We like donations, compliments and comments.
7. Favorite Blog - I don't have just one. I love all my peeps.
8. Something you can't get enough of - Um, let's not go there.
9. Worst job you ever had - Bookkeeper for "Cucina Cucina". My boss was a dickhead and when I went up against him for harassment, he fired me, and no one would listen to me. Fuckers.
10. What job would you pay NOT to have - I don't know.
11. If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be? - I can't say.
12. Bible verse? There are lots of them.
13. Guilty pleasure - Massages and iced mochas.
14. Got any confessions? - Yeah, like I'm going to tell you.
15. If you had $1000 to spend on YOURSELF, what would you spend it on? - Right now? Either a new laptop or a plane ticket out of town.
16. Favorite thing about your house - My red wall.
17. Least favorite thing - I'm assuming about my house? It is too small. If you turn around, you run into yourself.
18. One thing you are bad at - Getting what I want.
19. If you could change one thing about your current circumstances, what would it be? - I'm not talking about that.
20. Who would you like to meet someday? - Some of my readers. Yogagirl (we almost got to!), KS, Otter.
21. What makes you feel sexy? - When people make me feel good about myself.
22. Who is your real-life hero? - All of our soldiers.
23. What is the hardest part of your job? - When I have nearly impossible deadlines.
24. When are you most relaxed? - I'm never relaxed.
25. What stresses you out? - Everything.
26. What can you NOT live without - Love, sex, food.
27. Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? - Who cares. I'm a narcissist! Cool!
28. Why do you blog? - I like the attention and I love to write.
29. Who are you tagging? - All my readers that have not done so already, with blogs or not.

Chaos

I have been pulling out my hair since 6 am this morning. I'm having computer/internet problems and I don't handle that well. I haven't done anything but sit in my office like a crazed animal. I think there is a big outage or problem somewhere because many of the sites I frequent are "down". I need to eat, I need to bathe, I need to comb my hair, I need to get out of my T-shirt and underwear. AAHH! Help me!

You want a picture of me crazed out? It's not pretty. Regarding your "Knights in Shining Armor" comment, Hole? Mine needs to come equipped with excellent computer skills and the ability to woo me away from the computer. LOL.

The eyes are the window to the soul.

I bought some blue eyeliner. Try to hold back your enthusiasm. I have been using either reddish-brown or black for about 15 years now and I was at Macy's and thought, hey, blue! I've got blue eyes, what the hell. I've decided that I can't really tell the difference. Perhaps I just can't see that well anymore. Well, at any case, here are my eyeballs. Wrinkles, imperfections, and all. The 10-megapixel camera really picks up those details. Gah.

Have I gone soft?

Nah, I'm still feisty, passionate and playful, don't you worry. I was just embarrassed a little. Sometimes when I express myself, I think it makes some people uncomfortable. They don't quite know what to think. Oh well, too bad for them. I have to go marinate my chicken now - I'm putting together a big spread.

Maybe I should have left the poll up longer.

Sorry y'all.

My intention was not to be crude or unladylike or anything like that, and I certainly didn't want to "scare" anyone. I do that enough on a regular basis. LOL. (I thought my answers were nice and normal!) I just wanted to be fun and different. If you still want to play, please comment your "turn-ons" for me, anonymously if you prefer. Juice, you can repost your witty comment here, I would be honored.

You have to forgive me; I am going through a very hard time in my life. My therapy has become very intense and I'm just trying to embrace life a little. I haven't been able to do that in a long time.

My fans are clearly not ready for my polls.

Went and saw "The Strangers". I liked its intensity and fear-factor, but there were some holes in the plot, you know, the victims making dumb choices. Fun to go see, not too much gore, more "the killer is right behind you creeping around" kind of stuff. There were way too many teenagers in the audience, which of course irritates me to no end. They were surprisingly quiet during the movie (for the most part), I think because the movie has a lot of "intense silence".

Since it was based on true events, that made it more disturbing, otherwise it would have been so-so. None of you care, huh?

NOTE: During the previews, a teenager behind us was confused on why Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City is so popular, because she has a "horse face". HAHA! Sorry girls, I couldn't even sit through one episode of that garbage, to me it should be called "Whores in the City".

The Death Shirt

Would anyone care if I stopped posting? I need a hug. Maybe I can get BOA and Big Pissy to come on over and discuss the LOST finale with me, and anyone else that watches it. (I know you are out there! All of you lurkers need to speak up!) They FINALLY answered some questions, I was thrilled. There are 200 unanswered ones, but still. The space-time continuum thing is still a little confusing, but we know who is in the coffin now. And what about Jin? We saw that flash-forward that didn't make any sense. Well, now we wait until January. ARG.

I also miss Jack Bauer. I'm so not happy that "24" is not on this year because of the stupid strike. Don't you all think we need a "David Palmer" for president? Egads, is it just me that fears for this country right now? I HATE talking politics on my blog because it just invites heated arguments and hate mail and all the things that make we want to hide, but I just can't stand ANY of the candidates. I'm sorry if you love one of them, but I just don't see good things. I guess I don't see good things in any politician these days. I did like Reagan. OK, enough of that.

I'm going to go see "The Strangers" tonight come hell or high water. I've been seeing so many movies lately. Before the last few weeks, it had been like a year since I went to the movies. Do any of you know anything about "Poultrygeist"? Yes, that's POULTY, not POLTER. OMG, Google it. You will die.

I am also wearing the "death shirt" today. I am not a superstitious person, but this is ridiculous. The last 3 times I wore this shirt, someone died. Including my dad and father inlaw. I was never going to wear it again, but it was the only thing clean. PLEASE DON'T DIE TODAY, OK?

I'm all over the place on this blog entry today, sorry. Too much coffee, I guess.

Iron Man

My company surprised us with "Iron Man" tickets today (the movie). Just got back. Not usually my type of thing, but I was impressed! It was pretty good. It was most definitely better than working. What did you all do today?

Life is too short.

I had a really good time last night with my friends. When I got home it was a little weird, but I'll save that for later.

You wouldn't think that coming to realizations that "life is too short" would be difficult, but some of us struggle with that. I have lots of life to live, and I intend on getting right on that! I must stop being so bunged up about things. No, Cheryl was not abducted by aliens, it's really me, hi!

I'm not sure yet, but I just got wind that my company may be doing something fun this afternoon. I'm liking the sound of that.

More fun nights out, please!

We dished. I had wine. Probably too much. I could be drunk blogging. I went back to work briefly to sober up for a few minutes since it's an hour drive home. (Hence the blogging.) I will probably regret posting these pics tomorrow, but this is my recommendation to you of what to do when you are sobering up at 9:30 pm at your cubical in a building by yourself. I am feeling pretty darn good right now, and not just because of the wine. It was really great to talk to my girly friends. I think I might be getting somewhere with my inner turmoil, all I needed was time to assess, time in therapy, time with friends and a little alcohol. It's not all that simple really, it takes (and will take) time to make big changes, and even some small ones, but sometimes this little light goes on above your head. Then you feel free and hopeful again and people suddenly look at you and say, "Good for you!"

Better Late than Never!

OK, so it's been a little more than an hour, I got busy at work. Now I'm trying to scarf down lunch of curry chicken soup and popcorn. Is that weird? Don't answer that.

The positive part of the post is this: I get to have drinks/apps with some girly friends tonight, and just got word that we can go a little earlier and make happy hour! I don't get out often, so I get excited about the little things. I hear wine and antipasto calling my name.

Last night, I got to spend the evening by myself, picked myself up a personal pizza and curled up with my buddy the internet and watched a little TV. I think there was something wrong with the pizza, though, because it came back up. I won't be eating pizza for a while. TMI? Sorry. You're the dummy that reads this blog. That's all I've got. For now.

A Little Melancholy

You should be used to this by now. I'm feeling like my life is in "limbo". Have you ever felt that way? Waiting, like a spring ready to be sprung. Not going backward, but not going forward either. Fear of the unknown? Waiting for the planets to be aligned correctly? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing, or what to do next sometimes. It's like nothing is changing on the outside, but there are big ones happening on the inside. I'm missing my dad today, too. I wish I could talk to him, get his advice on some things. Go out to our favorite Thai food joint that my mom refused to go to, and just talk about everything. He was always so worried about me, yet proud of me at the same time. He would tell me to pull my head out of my ass. (LOL!), but in a loving way, though. This time last year we were fishing, and it was so sweet. He had shown me over a million times how to put my fishing pole together (rigging) based on the terrain of the water, but I just could never get it right. So, he would do it for me. Then I would catch all the fish and he would spend the day getting them off the hook for me instead of watching his own pole. I miss him so much.

This is how my day is going.

I can't help but laugh at these things. First, one of my co-workers is REALLY mad at me. I just gave him back a gigantic package of complicated engineering drawings because I found errors. He asked me if we could "let it slide this once?". I said no. (Hey! It's my job!) I didn't get promoted because I "let things slide". Several engineers around his cubical were rolling in laughter because they know it will take him forever to fix it.

Second, my skirt is really long, and when I roll around in my chair from one side of my cubical to the next, the skirt gets caught in the wheels and yanks it off my hips. OOPS. I'm paranoid it's going to rip and then what will I do? I have it hiked up around my thighs right now and I'm hoping to God no one comes up behind me without my knowledge. I'm just a complete mess, aren't I?

It's a blog-a-thon today. I'm feeling chatty.

This brings me back.

Our company gave out iPods a few years ago to all the employees, so everyone has iTunes on their computer and we "share" our music. I was looking through someone's selection and found "Angel" by Aerosmith. LOL! I remember being a teenager wanting a guy to feel that way about me so bad. Isn't that funny? Rockers trying to do love songs cracks me up, but still. Silly, huh? Ah, youth.

Mysterious Peasant Girl

Back at the cubical for a fun-filled day of engineering drawings, a therapy session and traffic. Good times. I'm wearing my relatively new "peasant skirt" today and people always remark on it. They say things like, "Pretty colors!" or "Look at you!". It's nice, of course, but it's funny to me. I'm usually wearing black pants, so it is noticeable when I change it up, I guess. I was going to take a pic of my lovely bruise, but it's a little too "revealing", so I decided against it. I took a pic of my skirt instead. I feel like Holly Hobbie or Laura Ingalls or something. Hehe. One other thing. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but my bra is DRIVING ME CRAZY. It's itchy and I want to just yank it off! I hate it when they are pokey. I probably shouldn't go braless at work though.

Scary after 9 pm.

At least it will be a short week having Monday off. Other than doing some stretching this morning, I have been a complete sloth today. I'm hungry, but everything that sounds good, we don't have. I don't want to go out because it is scary in this town after 9 at night, especially if you bathe and have all of your teeth. (I live in a very small mountain town and there are some scary locals.) I watched "Black Snake Moan" again (I like that movie) and spent a good chunk of the afternoon trying to fix my computer. OMG how frustrating that can be! But what do you know? I ACTUALLY fixed it! I am in utter shock. I actually figured it out! I was panicking because my computer is my life blood. If I can't check my email, blog, surf the internet and fiddle with my photos, I will lose my mind. I am so proud of myself.

I'm not feeling tired at all. I feel a "Sleepless in Seattle" night coming on.

Fakin' the Funk to Facilitate the Fraud

Caveman wants to know what this means, and he is the ONLY one who gave me a suggestion on what to write, so kudos to you KS! The rest of you are buttmunches.

I have to warn you, this is really deep. LOL. I didn't come up with it. Jim said it one day and I just looked at him and said, "What?". It sounded funny to me. Stringing all the "F's" together like that. He had a friend in the Army that was African American, and he said, "Fakin' the Funk" all the time as to mean "Trying to be cool while actually being cheesy or dorky." (That fits me, huh?) Jim later added "to Facilitate the Fraud" to mean "to cover up all the bullshit".

I have always thought that in keeping a blog, you could just be anyone you wanted to be and talk about life in exactly what manner you wanted. You know, make yourself sound so great! I thought that it would be the perfect title phrase because most blogs are full of fluff and stupid crap. (It also makes people scrunch up their face and say, "What?", which is funny.) Now, while my blog is definitely full of stupid crap, unfortunately for me, I have been known to spill my guts and am honest like an idiot. No, I don't reveal my entire life, because there are other people's feelings to consider, but I have a hard time being fake or phony. On the internet it is hard to know who a 'real' person is. But from me, what you see (or hear) is pretty much what you get.

So, no, I'm far from a gangster. (LOL, I can't believe you actually said that!) I'm just a dorky white girl who can't even be fake enough to be someone great on a blog.

It's funny to me that you think I'm mysterious. Is that the only mystery for you, or is there something else that puzzles you? I guess I should take it as a compliment, don't girls want to be mysterious? I don't even know. I think YOU are the mysterious one, KS.

Thanks for all the suggestions!

Yes, it's sarcasm.

OK, maybe I'm being a little sensitive. I am a tormented soul, though, so you have to tread lightly with me. I did nothing today. Just moped around like usual. I found another movie I am excited about. Good movies are hard to come by. Juice will especially like it. "The Strangers". Who wants to go see it with me? I'll share my popcorn with you. It's always more intense when you know it's based on a true story. Maybe I could get one of my old cop friends to find out the grisly details and find how "loosely" it is based. With Hollywood you never know. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was based on true events in Wisconsin with no chainsaw. (Ed Gein) See, this is what happens when you don't give me any ideas about what to write about.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

(Yes, I am Gomer Pyle.) I actually slept. I don't believe it. I thought for sure I'd be up pacing. More interesting dreams, but I'm sure you are sick of hearing about my dreams. I don't know what to write. I'm going to think about it and come back, OK? Any ideas? Anything you want me to write about? Let me know.

Movies and other stuff.

Went to see Indiana Jones today, it was great fun! None will ever top the first one, but it was fun. They paid homage to the first movie quite a few times, which was awesome, and I love that Marion was in it. Even as old as he is, Harrison still has it. There were some serious over-the-top moments, but all-in-all I liked it. I ate way too much popcorn, though. I didn't used to like popcorn, but since they came out with all of those popcorn seasonings, I'm totally into it. While at the theater, I saw a poster for a new M. Night Shyamalan movie called "The Happening". Looks interesting.

That will probably be all the fun I will have for the rest of the weekend. I'm broke, bloated, bruised and wiped out. Woke up at 6 am this morning. It's SATURDAY. I got up and made eggs benedict because I couldn't get back to sleep. So now its nap time. This means I won't sleep tonight and most likely rant to you about it on the blog here.

Really stupid pictures of me.

It's Friday night and this is how lame I am, I am organizing all the pictures I have on my computer. I have pictures everywhere all over the place and it's driving me nuts. I came across some that just made laugh. I thought you all might get a good chuckle, too.

#1 Me getting out of my work uniform in the employee bathroom after waiting tables at Morgan's. My friend Patty thought it would be funny to hang this picture on the bulletin board in the office. It was super. Look at the dorky look on my face! At least I was tan.

#2 I was trying to get a picture of my hair highlights. This is me back in 2004 at my old job. Is it just me, or do I look freaky?

#3 Me trying on hats at a street fair. I thought the purple velvet one with the white flower looked good. Yeah.

#4 OK, first, what the hell was I thinking with the SOCKS? Let's not talk about my ass here. Just leave that alone. I was camping with a bunch of friends and Edwin is the one carrying me. And NO, he was NOT my boyfriend. Never was. Just a friend.

#5 Finally, this is me at the police academy at the shooting range. I got yelled at here for my bad form. I was really determined to be a badass, but I still run from spiders. I also got shot in the leg that day. Well, I caught a ricochet bullet. It was neat. Makes you have great faith in our law enforcement personnel and justice training centers, no? We will not discuss the spandex shorts over black tights. We will NOT.

I have lost my brain, anyone seen it?

Yesterday I suddenly got dumped on at work after a slow start to the week, and of course Thursday and Friday are the busy days this week so I can't take off early for the holiday weekend. Story of my life. I'm running around headless, not only at work, but at lunch. I hate running errands at lunch, but the highway I live off of backs up for 50 miles from people going over the pass for Memorial Day, so I need to jam straight home, or I won't get there until midnight. I don't know when I'm going to get to see Indiana Jones, perhaps a matinee tomorrow? I need to watch Louie right now and don't want to leave him for too long. He is doing better and has his appetite back.

I just finished bashing my ass. I'm serious. I took a corner too quick and clipped a desk with my hip/butt. I'm sure it will be a huge black and purple bruise and don't be surprised if I post a picture of it, because, you know, that's what I do. For your entertainment. You're welcome. Speaking of my butt, it is really getting smaller. I have had to pull my slacks up to my bra today to keep them on. Yes, I know, very sexy. Lean meat, veggies, fruit smoothies with protein powder and tons of water, plus pumping iron and boxing. Can't have loose skin! No way, no how!

Update on Louie

The vet called and said Lou-bear was doing better. They hydrated him and he hasn't lost his bloody bowels for a while. His bloodwork and other tests came back negative, so they gave him a shot of penicillin and will be sending him home with some special food and antibiotics. They still don't know exactly what's wrong, but they are hopeful it will pass. I'm breathing again. I still have the rest of my life to sort out, but I'm breathing. No more death and sickness, please. Thank you.

I need to go home and love on the little guy. I am the only one who REALLY loves him. I'm the dogmama. I think anyone else would have taken his ornery ass to the pound by now. But not me. Not me.

Not Good.

Lou is really sick. He vomited on the way to the vet and pooped blood all over the vet's floor. They don't know what is wrong and are keeping him for observation. The bill is exponentially climbing, and I don't know what they will do when I tell them I can't pay it all today. I'm fucked. In so many ways. I want to cry, and I can't because I'm at work, and I am insanely busy, of course. Then there is this. The one thing in the world I want (and need) most seems far away and out of my reach. I had therapy today and now that I've been seeing her for a while and she knows me well, she is telling me about some tough choices/actions I have to take in my life if I want to get better, or be happy, that are really hard for me. We seemed to have kicked the "I can't lose weight" problem, so I guess she knows what she is doing. I'm sorry Annie, I can't make nacho night, I'm a mess. Next week? I'm so sorry and thank you for the invite, it means a lot. If Louie dies or stays sick, I'm going to lose it. I'm just not strong anymore. To top everything off I just got into an argument with Jim. Nice. This is all just too fucking much.

They want to see Lou right away at the vet.

This is panic face.

Lou is going to the vet at 1:30. I hope my boy is OK. I love him more than I love most people. There is so much other drama right now that this is not good. Sorry I can't talk about the other stuff on my blog. The screaming girl in my "Wordless Wednesday" photo compilation is quite apropos at the moment. Keep me in your thoughts today, I have much on my mind. Life is weird and changing and I'm having trouble handling it. I need my Louie to be OK, I really, really do.

I'm crazy out-of-my-mind worried!

This has been a shit week for me personally so far, and now Louie is sick. Louie is 9 years old and he has NEVER had anything wrong with him. Last night he didn't eat, which has never happened, he usually tries to eat the bowl along with the food. So that was my first freak out. Then, I noticed him pooping a lot. He has pooped 5 times in 24 hours and there is BLOOD IN IT. The vet doesn't open for another 2 hours and I'm going nuts. I love Lou like he is my kid and I'm running low on money. Hopefully they will take payments. What is wrong with my Lou-bear? What happened to my dog?

Wordless Wednesday

I Heart Indy!

Is anyone else excited for the new Indiana Jones movie? I am. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was my absolute FAVORITE movie as a kid. I went to the theater like, 100 times to see it. I will be in line tomorrow night, baby!

For K.S.

As a comparison. "Bertha Butt" vs. "Ayla".

Decompressing

I thought my eyeball was going to explode earlier. You know those headaches that are right behind your eye? I could barely see out of my right eye. When I get upset, I carry all of my tension in my neck and shoulders, and it KILLS and gives me a monster headache. It has settled down a bit and I'm drinking a huge glass of the best tea on the planet. Aveda tea. I'm not much of tea person, but this stuff just rocks. Drinking caffeine this late won't help my insomnia, but I guess it doesn't matter. I couldn't eat dinner with my headache, but I have no appetite either. Speaking of which, I'm dropping weight like a mo' fo'. Don't worry, though, I eat good. I guess I finally just got the right inspiration. I'm going to go draw a hot bath now. Sweet dreams y'all.

Extremely Important Information

I bought a new lipstick. I almost gave up bothering with lipstick because I end up licking it off and have to keep reapplying it every 10 minutes, but while I've got this whole 'making changes' thing going on, I thought it was important for you all to know about this event. It is called "Electric Spice". Yeah, baby. That's me. I tried very hard to capture the essence of the lipstick (it tastes good!) but no matter what I do, I look like a dork. I also look quite tired. Gah. When I look at this picture, I want to flick my nose. I'm sorry you can't see the color very well. I tried. Big Kiss!

What Moves Me

You probably don't care what moves me, but I'm going to write about it anyway. My blogs go all over the place, don't they? Keeps things interesting.

I am very eclectic when it comes to music. I like just about everything. Rock 'n Roll, Country, Jazz, Alternative, classical, there are even a few rap songs I like. It just depends on my mood. There is a band, though, that has incredible lyrics that really mean something to me. They always have a way of either saying how I'm feeling inside, or express things in a way I can't find the words for. Their songs move me. They are a Christian band called "Jars of Clay". Never heard of them, right? Most people haven't. Well, this may bore you, but if you want to get inside my head, read these lyrics. (They are actually pretty heavy.)

"Frail"

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be...
I would be...FRAIL

“I need you”

Strangely out of place
There's a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for

I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
Feel you lift me up
Can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt away
My pride

Only had a second to spare
But all the time in the world
To know you're there
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
& I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

“The Eleventh Hour”

Trace the shape of my heart,
till it becomes more familiar to your eyes
I've been lost without you,
cold without your love
It's taken days and nights to realize

Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

Take the place of my heart,
till I become a stranger to my life
I've been down without you,
wrong without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

I've been wrong without you,
cold without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

“Flood”

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Absolute Perfection

It is 78 degrees out with a delicious breeze. I'm sitting at the umbrella table drinking a fuzzy martini, reading. Jim is mowing the lawn (this works, huh ladies?) The dogs are rolling in the grass. I love it when they do that because it means they're happy.

CrazyDogMama's Fuzzy Martini: 1 part vodka, 1 part peach schnapps, 3 parts fresh OJ with pulp. Shaken, not stirred! YUM.

Can't you just hear it, copa, copacabana...

People Amaze Me

All week there have been warnings NOT to swim in the rivers this weekend because we were to have record breaking temperatures that would melt the huge snowpack we had this year and spill into the rivers making them extremely dangerous. So, what do people do? Swim in the rivers. Put their kids in the rivers. What is WRONG with everybody? I just finished watching the news where they were reporting on the many deaths that occurred yesterday while our temps went into the 90's and all the heart-stopping cold, fast-moving rivers are now flooding. DUH. This is where I'm glad I'm not a cop anymore because pulling bodies out of the river on a Sunday would just piss me off. I don't think I've ever written about my law enforcement days, have I?

I want a new prison bitch name.

This blog has been entirely too serious and depressing lately, so I'm going to get over myself and go with this.

Hot Hole and Juicy Ass (my awesome girly friends 'Hole' and 'Juice') have great prison bitch names and mine is supposed to be "Busty Lips". What the hell kind of name is that? For short, 'Busty?' 'Lips?' Gay. You all have to help me with this because it is of the utmost importance. Some of you may resist this process because you might think you are proper and nice and stuff, but you aren't. You are as ridiculous as the rest of us, you just have to let your inner freak out. Trust me, everyone should have a prison bitch name. I'm open to all ideas. CrazyDogMama is NOT a prison bitch name. Just so you know.

Jim came in while I was typing this. His idea is "Busty Scoops", "Scoops" for short. I have never heard breasts referred to as "Scoops" before, but I guess you learn something new every day. Let's hear it peeps, come on.

Vets, Pedicures and Warmness

Woo! It's hot out there! I had to get up before God this morning to take the damn dogs to the vet for their annuals. Let me tell you what an ordeal THAT was. I do not have normal dogs. Nothing about my life can be normal. They are complete maniac freaks. I think the vet is really glad to see us go. The dogs are healthy, but I need a valium now. Oh, and when did it start costing $250 for the vet?? I will be living in a box soon.

However, I did manage to scrape up some fundage for a pedicure. Pedicures rock. They are orgasmic. I'm sure you all know this, but I thought it must be mentioned. My footses are all purdy now! It's funny, Jim HATES feet, and I mean HATES. He says I'm really lucky that I have "cute little feet". LOL. Yes, lucky me. I should probably be doing something in the nice weather instead of blogging, huh? I'll get right on that.

A Great Drive Home

Once I get out of traffic-nightmare-Redmond, my drive home can be quite nice. It is 84 degrees out today and I decided to take all the back roads home so that I could chill. You know, because I really NEED to chill. There is hardly any traffic on them because you only really know about them if you are a local to the boonies like I am.

I opened all my windows, put my sunglasses on, let out my ponytail and let my hair fly up through the sunroof. (It's always a mess anyways.) I didn't turn on the radio and I turned my phone off. One of the backroads I took is SO GORGEOUS. It is probably where the serial killers bury all their bodies, but it is breathtaking, nonetheless. It is a winding road with lots of overhanging trees and shrubbery, and it follows the river. I loved the silence and the warm air. It gave me a chance to just think and fantasize and relax. I should really do this more often. I love to drive when I don't have to deal with stupidity and traffic. If I had taken my camera with me, I think I would have pulled over and snapped a few shots. Oh well. Next time. It's time to relax on the back patio with a beverage now. Who cares if I am on all cold medicines known to man?

Back at Work

After a nice fever of 101 and sleeping all day, I'm back at work. I'm feeling a little better today, the fever broke and now I just feel like a mac truck hit me. I'm sure I look like a million bucks today, too. On top of all of that, I started my period. (Time for all my male readers to cringe.)

Anyway, at least its Friday and I got my stimulus check today. Hooray! Sorry economy, I'm paying bills with it. I have no choice. Well, I guess buying some clothes qualifies, right? I'm leaving early today because I can. It's slow, I've been sick and what better excuses are there? Perhaps sitting in the sun will make me feel better.

Wordless Thursday Night

Sick

The weather people, starting yesterday, said 80's! For the next 4 days! So, what happens? I get sick. Perfect. I am just now coming out of my NyQuil coma. My head is pounding, I have a fever, my body aches and I generally want to die. There is nothing to eat in this damn house, and I actually have an appetite. We have peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. Neat. Jim is at his mom's. I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket looking out at the sunshine. This sucks.

Another Vivid Dream

This is an odd, but curious one. Thought I would share because I know how you all come running to your computers every day wondering what the crazy broad has to say next.

I was standing still, far away, but looking out between two different scenes. To my left it was night, a dark and foreboding city with lightning and thunder. When the lightning struck, it lit everything up for a second, but would then go dark again. When it lit up it was a fantastic sight and it was hard to pull my eyes away, well, because you know how I feel about storms, but I was tentative about it. To my right it was day, very bright and sunny and warm with this beautiful light-colored sand. When the sun would catch it just right, the sand would sparkle. I could not tell if the sand was a vast desert, or if it was leading to a beach because there was a hill, and I couldn't see over the hill. The sand was so pretty, but at the same time it seemed sad, empty and barren except for the sparkles. Like it was waiting for me to come running into it and bury my toes into it. Again, though, I was tentative because I couldn't see over the hill.

I kept standing there, looking back and forth, but here is the really cool part of the dream. I was wearing a new red dress. The wind was blowing, and my dress was swooshing around. I was barefoot, though, no sexy Italian stilettos. My toes were painted red to match the dress, however. Details are always important. LOL.

So, what do you think about that, huh? Pretty bizarre, right?

Then I laughed really, really hard.

I've been a little in the dumps lately. This is where you all collectively say, "NOOOOO, really? We didn't even notice!"

We were trying to watch sitcoms tonight and I was apparently in a zombie-like state staring at the wall. Jim kept asking me what was wrong, and I just said I don't want to watch this, I'm cranky and bored. So, trying to cheer me up, he flipped through the guide and found "Mega Disasters". "Here, honey." he said, "This should cheer you up." I gave him the stink eye, but smiled because it was pretty funny.

I got up to go to the kitchen and get water, and he followed me. I told him to say something nice to me. He thought for a minute and decided to sing me the very happy and cheerful "My Favorite Things" song, except it came out like this, "Snow drops on kittens, and mittens on something." I looked up confused and blinking and said, "What the hell are snow drops?" Then we both erupted into hysterics. I don't know why, but it just struck me really funny. My stomach actually hurt afterwards because there was a moment where I couldn't breathe from laughing. I guess you had to be there, but truly, it was that funny.

Ramblings

I was going to title this post "Ticking Timebomb Tuesday", but I thought you may be tired of me telling you that one of these days everyone is going to know exactly how I feel about everything. Whether you want to know or not. I have all these emotions bubbling around inside and I'm trying to be a mature, healthy adult about it, but you just never know when I'm going to tell you how full of shit you are and that I'm moving to Jamaica leaving everything behind except my laptop, favorite pair of flip flops, and sunglasses, (you know, the important things in life) where I will live in a hut, walk around naked all day long, swim under waterfalls, go ziplining and live happily ever after. If you only knew how close I am. Reality is what you make it. Everyone has been getting on my case lately, so forgive me.

On a different note, I have been watching a really cool new series. Well, I don't know how new it is, but it's called "A Haunting" and it's on the Discovery Channel. (You know you're getting old when all you mostly watch is animal planet, the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.) It's about true tales of the paranormal. It's quite creepy and if these people really are telling the truth, well DAMN. Anyway, if the subject interests you, I highly recommend it. It is WAY better than Ghost hunters or Paranormal State, both of which bore and irritate the hell out of me.

So, that is all I can think of for the moment. Maybe you'll hear from me later today. Oh, and by the way, the death toll from yesterday's earthquake in China is up to 20K now. How terrible.

Bad News

If you are squeamish, don't watch the news tonight.

A 7.9 magnitude earthquake in China has killed 9000+ people so far, and there has been a huge tornado outbreak in the US. Yikes. So awful.

Worried about my neighbor.

Fun dresses and shoes aside, there are more serious things going on. My neighbor, the one that so graciously fixed our fence on Halloween when the stupid kids kicked it down, tried to commit suicide twice, but was unsuccessful. THANK GOD. He mailed a suicide letter to someone, and they called us to go check on him. He wouldn't respond to anyone, not even us, and so they ended up having the cops do a well check. He went to a hospital for eight days and is now back. I feel so bad and helpless. Jim left him notes and messages saying if he needed to talk to call him, and that we cared. He is so young, and although he has had a rough time, I am praying so hard that he does not do anything like that. He is such a nice guy, and a good neighbor. It breaks my heart because I know what it feels like to be in that kind of despair. I would never take my own life, but I understand pain.

Shoes & Dresses

Found an even cuter black dress that I want in addition to the diva red dress. I'm going to need places to wear these. Those shoes! So sexy with jeans, and I love the ankle straps on the other ones.