It's a bit hard to explain, I suppose. Maybe I used the wrong words. Part of it is realizing some things will never change, part of it is realizing that you can't stop yourself from changing, part of it is realizing that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and part of it is just thinking everything is crystal clear, or black and white, when in fact, it isn't. Life is complicated. People are complicated. You might think you understand something or someone, but you could be wrong. I'd like to say that I'll never give up on my dreams or my desires, but I get frustrated. Everyone does. My therapist laughed at me when I said "I give up" today. She explained to me that I was in a huge transition period and that I could expect that everything that used to feel comfortable, will become uncomfortable, at least for a while. I'm breaking old patterns of behavior and my ideas/thoughts on certain subjects have been slightly altered. I'm finding myself in unfamiliar territory. I guess I'm giving up on trying to stop that from happening. I'm just going to let it happen. You could say I'm "opening myself up to new things and ideas".
I sound like a damned idiot, don't I? LOL.
you do not sound like an idiot...though the phrase "i give up" did not initially lead me to believe you were surrendering to new ideas and new ways of life, lol....i'm glad you explained it. i'm really glad you have therapy as an outlet, i know it helps me. hang in there girlie.
ReplyDeleteyeah, sorry, it was a poor choice of words. but hey! it got you guys all riled up! hehe..
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