Comedy Central

"So where IS Shit Creek, anyway? Why would you go there, and why wouldn't you bring a paddle?

"Barack Hussein Obama. What a hard name to win people over with. The only harder name would be Charles Mansion Hitler. "

ROFLMAO!

I'm watching comedy central. I don't know who the guy is, but he's funny. I am easily amused.

Blog Slam

So, I just got slammed on another blog for my bathtub pics.

She went on and on about what kinds of blogs to steer clear of: poor blog design, not many comments, and people who post pics of themselves in the bathtub. She mentions this several times, and even ends her post with it. She seems to really think this is the dredge of bloggery. See this is why I don't talk bad about anyone on my blog, only myself. She not only just lost a reader, but I'm taking her off of my links. Not that she'll care. I am probably one of the least judgmental people you'll ever meet, I just don't give a flip about whatever floats your boat. Sure, stupid people annoy me, but I would never end a friendship over it or slam their character personally. I think it is a waste of time to be arrogant and self-important. Some of the very best people I've met have poor blog design and post weird stuff. There are so many things I could say about this person as far as my observations go, but there is no point. I'm not taking the righteous high road; I just don't want to waste my time. I'm just going to kick the dust off of my heels and move on. Not everyone is going to love me.

Or, I could just say "Bite me you arrogant, ugly twit." but, nah. LOL.

Mental health, what not to do.

Do you know what I did with my day off? My supposed "mental health" day? I washed the dogs and clipped their toenails. I KNOW. This did not help my mental health. Trust me on this one. I have the craziest, stubbornest, most willful little fuzzy brats in the WORLD. It is truly exhausting. At some point today they will "spite piss" somewhere to get even with me, then I will go ballistic and have to take an anxiety pill.

I really want macaroni and cheese. At 9:30 am. I'm going to go make it. Be back later.

Party of One

So, I took a lovely bubble bath. So nice. I used foaming lavender and rose petal fragrance. I drank champagne and played "Enigma". I like the chanting monks. The songs "Principles of Lust" and "The Rivers of Belief" are awesome. In the "Rivers of Belief", the first part sounds like "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" (lame), but once you get past that, it puts you in a relaxed state of mind, I love it. The dogs were oh-so curious about what I was doing, so I kept blowing bubbles on them for a little entertainment. Also entertaining? Trying not to drop my $1000 camera in the tub.

SPLAT

I need to add "bird" to my repertoire of kills with my vehicle. There have now been 3 deer, a dog and a bird. Last night while driving home, a big, fat bird flew right smack into my windshield as I was going about 60 mph. It left a nice BIG blob of guts and blood and of course scared the living piss out of me. I used my windshield wipers and fluid to try and clean it off, but all it did was smear it all over the place. In chunks. There are chunks of guts still on my windshield. I'll need to hose that off later.

In other news, Jim left this morning for California, and I will be having an exciting "party for one" tonight. I plan to take a nice hot bath with lots of bath salts and good smellies, accompanied by candles and champagne. I'm taking tomorrow off for "mental health" and I'm hoping to get some much-needed sleep.

Wordless Wednesday

A beautiful Tuesday morning in June.

It's raining and drizzling. It actually doesn't bother me all that much, and it makes me laugh to hear everyone complaining. I may be alone on this, but I hope the summer is mellow. I like the sunshine as much as the next guy, but I like 'pleasant' weather. I don't have air conditioning, so if it gets really hot, I feel like I can't breathe.

I have a bit of a headache I need to get rid of, and a whole butt-load of work on my desk. *sigh*. Another day in paradise.

I'm calmer now, you can come out of hiding.

I am shopping for a Blackberry. Maybe a Curve? Do you have one? Do you like it? What kind do you have? Would you get a different one if you could? I can't live without the internet/email now at any given point in my day. Plus, if I EVER get to travel, I may not want to take my laptop.

I need feedback because I am virtually clueless about these right now. I am just now starting to do my research. You tech people out there need to help me. Thanks.

Pep Talk

This is not for the faint of heart, just so you know. I read what I wrote this morning and just shook my head. I decided to look myself in the mirror and say this:

"Snap out of it. You are acting ridiculous. Quit being a whiny-ass wuss. You've been through worse, and you will GO THROUGH WORSE. You know that the earth is about to split open and unleash the demons of hell, and you better stop being an idiot drama-queen RIGHT NOW. You are stronger than this. You are not this stupid, nor gullible. You've had some pain, some loss, some heartache, now it's time to GET OVER IT. What is going to happen, is going to happen. People are going to do what they are going to do, or not. You know what you have to do. You know what needs to be done. DO IT. Go get your work done!"

I think I missed my calling as a Drill Sargeant.

I shouldn't blog today.

I am just going to bring you down. I didn't blog yesterday, the first day in months because I just didn't see the point. I really don't want to blog today, but people are starting to get concerned. I'm sorry about that, it's hard to share your pain sometimes. How I'm feeling? Like I don't care whether I live or die. Don't get all freaked, it's just a feeling.

I kind of collapsed yesterday and slept all day. The whole not sleeping thing eventually catches up with you. I'm tired of hearing myself complain, so I figured the rest of the world could do without it too. I'm depressed, or sad, I guess. I'm not just having a couple of bad days; I can't shake this funk and its starting to piss me off. So many things have happened to me personally in the last 6 months or so, and I tend to internalize everything. I guess that catches up with you too. Just when you think you are strong, you find out how weak you are. The work is piling up on my desk and I'm just staring at it. I'm going to have to gather all the strength I have to do it. I don't think anyone is going to rescue me from this mess.

Some days I have great hope for things, then the next I just feel like a fool. Yeah, I blog about some things, and I talk to a therapist, but what it comes down to, is no matter how hard I try, well, you know. No one gets what's going on with me, because I keep most of it to myself. I'll feel good for about a week here and there. Honestly, right now, I don't feel like praying, and I don't feel like talking. Which isn't like me. Life throws weird stuff at you. Sometimes I don't get it. I find myself saying stuff like "What am I supposed to do with that?" "How am I supposed to react to this?" Just feeling alone, even though I'm really not. Don't give up on me.

Someone just came up to me and told me I looked nice today. Which is sweet, especially since it was a guy. But I'm like, whatever, thanks. Somebody needs to smack me, geez! I managed to snap a couple of Monday morning piss-fest pictures of myself. These are not the sexiest pics, I know. Back away slowly. I bite. I was trying to throw a kiss, but look as though I'm about to burst into tears? Hot.

Saturday Quotes.

I like quotes. :) Enjoy.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
- Helen Keller

"Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible."
-Unknown

"Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries."
-Everett Dirksen

"The world is so constructed, that if you wish to enjoy its pleasures, you must also endure its pains."
-Brahmnanda, Hindu philosopher

"Sadness is but a wall between two gardens."
-Kahlil Gibran

"Seek the wisdom of the ages but look at the world through the eyes of a child."
-Ron Wild

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is awaiting us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one is to come."
-Joseph Campbell

Places I want to go before I die.

I've compiled a list of all the places I've always wanted to go. I guess I would be happy going ANYWHERE since I've never been anywhere, but I suppose this would be my "ultimate" list. There are other places I would like to add to my list, but I'm going to start with this. It starts small and gets exponentially more expensive.

1. Las Vegas. I know, you can't believe I've never been there. Well, I haven't. This is actually doable for me. I'm not really a huge gambler/drinker, but I've heard it's a great place for an insomniac. I would really like to go on the rollercoaster on top of the building and the one that goes through the hotel, too. I love thrills.

2. New Orleans. I know it is not the same since Katrina, but I know I would fall in love with it. The jazz bars, the creepy cemeteries, the swamps. Imagine the photos I could take! The Cajun food! My favorite photographer makes me yearn to see it. http://www.juliabailey.com/

3. New York. I would love to just walk the streets of New York and people watch.

4. Northern Italy. I am partial to Northern Italian cuisine, and I adore Amarone wine. I would love to tour the Valpolicella region and specifically Veneto.

5. Greece. I really need to go to Santorini, Greece. I've wanted to go there for so long. I think it would be incredibly romantic and beautiful. All the white, rounded buildings/structures lining the hillsides. I hear Crete is amazing, too. the history alone is incredible.

6. Salzburg, Austria. I love Mozart. I took a classical music course in college and have wanted to visit Salzburg ever since.

7. Bavaria, Germany. I would love to see the Eagle's Nest. Perhaps drive the "Romantic Road".

8. Bora Bora, French Polynesia. I've never been any place tropical, and a friend of mine said this is "BAR NONE" the most amazingly beautiful place on earth. The water, the huts, the food, the people. I have a collection of photos I've gathered dreaming of this place. I use them as wallpapers on my computer.

9. Egypt. I am fascinated by Egyptian history. Who isn't? The pyramids, the tombs, the culture. Everything.

10. Israel. (The Holy Lands) It gives me goosebumps just thinking about the history there. A bit dangerous, but oh well.

The only other places I can think of are perhaps somewhere in Mexico, Puerto Rico? Cancun? I'm not sure yet. And maybe a tropical rain forest. South America? The Congo? I don't know, though.

One thing at a time. I'm trying to plan a trip to Vegas, maybe September? I know it will be really hard to twist Juice's arm to meet me there.

Really Good Quotes

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
- Elbert Hubbard

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances, if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
-Carl Jung

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect."
-Mark Twain

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance."
-Confucious

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."
-M. Scott Peck

"In the end we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"If you understand everything, you must be misinformed."
-Japanese proverb

"You don't realize how good your memory is until you try to forget something."
-Unknown

"Confidence is the ability to be more interested than afraid."
-Unknown

The calm before the storm.

This is how I woke up feeling this morning. I don't know if it is personal to me, or if it is more far reaching. Thought I would post it to see if I am alone on this or not. Could be both, I guess.

I'm not trying to be dramatic. Much.

Nacho Bar Night

Juice puts on quite a lovely nacho bar on Thursday nights. I went this time because I needed to perk up. Being around Juice and Hole will perk ANYONE up, I don't care if you are on death row. I wasn't my usual self, but it was really nice to have another night out. (This is becoming a habit!) She did not tie Hole and I down to watch "Ugly Whores in the City", we just talked and stuffed our little pie holes with much queso. Which brings me to some great observations I had last night.

Hole is quite anal-retentive about putting a nacho plate together. Let me explain. She methodically and systematically lines each and every tortilla strip up on the plate. She then proceeds to put individual clumps of cheese on EACH chip. It was explained to me that it is of the utmost importance to have cheese on ALL tortilla chips evenly. She then re-layers. Then, she puts the plate in the "MIKE". She does not "nuke" her nachos, or put them in the microwave, she "MIKES" them. Also new for me. She does not have the patience for stove-cooking nachos, nor knows how to use the stove. LOL. I have to get cultured somehow. I have documented the photographic evidence of such behavior. You have not experienced nachos, until you have experienced nachos with Hole. ME? I grab a handful of chips, throw them on the plate, grab cheese and fling it on the chips (no tongs, people, big handfuls), NUKE them, then smother them with sour cream and the hottest salsa I can find. End of story. She brought me Reses peanut butter cups, however, so the love is flowing all over for her right now.

You should have heard us singing (and we weren't drinking). Harmonizing is hard. Especially when you forget the words or laugh too much. I had to leave, and I missed a rendition of the "Macarena". It was very unfortunate; I really would have liked to have seen those two attempt that.

I stayed up WAY too late. It was a work night for me, and Juice lives a good hour to an hour and a half away from me. It turned out OK though, I flew down the freeway with hardly any other cars on the road (rare). There is something about driving a dark, empty freeway at night. Something soothing about it. Especially when you have peanut butter cups.

My gas light came on about halfway home. I still had at least 30 miles to go. Sweet. Someone upstairs was looking out for me, though, because I made it all the way to the Sultan gas station! It was closed and all dark, but the pumps were on if you had a credit card/debit card. Thank God! As I was gassing up, it was spooky. It's like the town was deserted, but then all of sudden some drunk idiots came stumbling out of the bar across the street yelling obscenities and whatnot. Great. That's all I need right now. What am I going to do, throw peanut butter cups at them? I hid behind my truck a little bit hoping they wouldn't spot me. I kept coming up with psycho survival plans like pouring gas on them and threatening to use my lighter. But then I realized that would blow all of us up. OK, not a good plan. They didn't approach me, but then something worse happened. I saw the final total. SEVENTY DOLLARS for gas. HOLY CRAP! Now I wish they had come and killed me. Gas is $4.25 a gallon. My mom is still in California and said it is $4.45 down there. This is scary. I think we're on the verge of some kind of economic crash, what do you think?

Oh, btw, apparently, according to Hole and Juice, my new nickname is "SPF 36". It means "Sugar Plum Fairy" and my age is 36. Hmmm. Okaaay. I guess I dance in your head, as sugar plum fairies do, are you good with that? You can call me whatever you like. I don't mind.

Today

I haven't talked to anyone today. No one has talked to me. Don't have a clue what to say. It's so quiet right now I can hear my own heart beating.

Important Questions

If you could have a superpower, what would you choose? I narrowed it down to either flying or invisibility. But then my analytical and neurotic brain started overthinking it and I thought, well, invisibility could be tricky unless you could also walk through walls and stuff because just opening doors and whatnot would scare people and they would end up calling an old priest and a young priest, and then I thought do I REALLY want to know what goes on? Probably not. It could be fun for a while, but then I think it would become a big burden. It would also be hard not to do evil things like go to the bank vault and just let people watch floating money go past them. Nope, invisibility is out.

OK, so flying. Cool, right? It would totally save on gas and the adrenaline junkie in me would be all excited. But wait a minute. The military would be trying to shoot me down all the time and people would be asking me to do stuff all the time, and I'd probably get really cold, you know, tights just wouldn't get it done. Also, if no one else could fly, then going to all those fun exotic places would be lonely and depressing. Damn it! Then I thought about the "Greatest American Hero" (remember that retarded show?) That would be me, trying to fly looking like an epileptic and then crash landing all over the place.

Maybe being able to shock stupid people when I feel like it? ZAP! Yeah, that would be a career, forget that.

OK, I'll settle for snapping my fingers for weight loss. Yeah, that works! I'll take that one.

Something to break up the Dr. Phil talk.

#1 Senior Prom! Holy Boobs, Batman! I can't believe my dad let me out of the house that way. LOL.

#2 Dirt biking! I'm not very good at it, but it's fun.

#3 My Sergeant (boss) when I worked for the King County Fraud Unit. Look at the dinosaur computer!

#4 Me doing slave labor. My mom had me splitting wood, and all I got for it was a U2 record.

#5 Me graduating from the Police Academy. Can you find me? I'm the one that looks 12 and really intimidating. A mistake many of my arrestees made. Ha.

#6 My fav place in the whole world (so far) is at Bridal Veil Falls in Index, WA.  I used to hike up there all the time, it is incredibly beautiful and refreshing!

#7 Rats! I used to have pet rats. This is Cappuccino and Amaretto. (Cappy and Rhetto)

#8 I'm a skydiver. This was my perfect landing. I'm better at this than dirt biking.

#9 Me dancing with my Uncle Burt. Uncle Burt is really funny and has mutton chops.

Lost in Translation

I don't know why, but I LOVE this movie. It conveys so much of the kind of emotion I can relate with. I like how you can tell what they are feeling without any words. I can also identify with the insomnia! See? I don't just watch horror movies. I'm watching it right now (taking a short break) and thinking of nuking a frozen burrito. I'm by myself tonight and don't feel like cooking.

Giving up, or opening up?

It's a bit hard to explain, I suppose. Maybe I used the wrong words. Part of it is realizing some things will never change, part of it is realizing that you can't stop yourself from changing, part of it is realizing that if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, and part of it is just thinking everything is crystal clear, or black and white, when in fact, it isn't. Life is complicated. People are complicated. You might think you understand something or someone, but you could be wrong. I'd like to say that I'll never give up on my dreams or my desires, but I get frustrated. Everyone does. My therapist laughed at me when I said "I give up" today. She explained to me that I was in a huge transition period and that I could expect that everything that used to feel comfortable, will become uncomfortable, at least for a while. I'm breaking old patterns of behavior and my ideas/thoughts on certain subjects have been slightly altered. I'm finding myself in unfamiliar territory. I guess I'm giving up on trying to stop that from happening. I'm just going to let it happen. You could say I'm "opening myself up to new things and ideas".

I sound like a damned idiot, don't I? LOL.