Event Update & My Girl-Fight Story

Today I get to work (if you call blogging working), but tomorrow our company is hosting an all-day bowling event with AN OPEN BAR to celebrate our success. The people I work with are complete maniacs, I fit right in. Then, that night we're going to see Bill (my stepson) in a production of Fiddler on the Roof. Hopefully I won't smell like margaritas and bowling wax. LOL. Break a leg, Bill!

Saturday I'm going bowling again! I didn't plan it that way, but what fun! It will be me, Jim, Juice (Annie) and her hubs, and Hole (Beth). I will not be able to move by Sunday, I'm sure. Sunday is dinner/drinks with Yogagirl and hubby if we can swing it!

Bowling is excellent exercise for the hips, quads and my right arm. I'm still a little out of shape, though. OK, WAY out of shape. For a while there, I was pumping some serious iron. I could bench press 150lb, which is my personal best. That may not sound like much to the big guns like Skwigg and Yogagirl, but I was damn proud of it because some of the men I work with were all pissy that I could lift more than them. Sorry, boys! I've always been a little freakishly strong, without much effort. I grew up with all boys, not brothers, just friends. For some reason I got along better with boys. Go figure. I have these really muscular legs, and my guy friends taught me all kinds of things like how to fight and how to play sports, including wrestling. I guess I was a little naive thinking they were just being 'helpful' teaching me to wrestle, but, um, yeah. I get that now. HA. Pervs. Anyway, this is a good segue way into my story. I'm running out of blog material, so bear with me.

It was Junior High. Hell on Earth. Did anyone like Junior High? What a crap fest. Okay, let's just go with I hated Junior High. (Highschool was fun, though) I was going through that awkward braces/hormone balancing time that all us girls fondly remember. I did, however, still have an attitude with side of sarcasm. Not much different than today. In P.E., there was this girl who just gave me the hardest time. I didn't do anything to warrant this, but once she started, she wouldn't stop. I was athletic during class, but afterwards in the locker rooms, I would get myself all dolled up to go back to class. You know, tons of hairspray, perfume and such. She would make fun of me and call me "princess" and other colorful terms. She (Shara) happened to be this star gymnast, and she was a "rocker". Remember those? Lots of black makeup, black leather, Megadeath T-shirts? Yeah. She thought she was tough. She ran her piehole a lot. Most of the time I would just hurl sarcasm and whatnot, but one day she decided she wanted to humiliate me in front of everyone by kicking my ass. Let me tell you how that turned out for her.

We were doing "wrestling week" at school in P.E. class, and Shara must have thought this would be a great time to defeat hairspray girl. They had us form two lines facing each other, and the next person from each side would go in the middle of the lines and 'wrestle'. Shara counted the people in line and correctly positioned herself so that she would be wrestling me. She was being particularly mean to me that day, following me around harassing me. I'd had it. I was ready. BRING IT, BITCH. She had no idea what she was doing. Here we go, face off! She tried to sweep her arm around my neck and bring me down, but instead I knocked her off of her feet inside of 4 seconds and pinned her down without even breaking a sweat. She was all red-faced and I thought her eyeballs were going to pop out. She was SO angry. She couldn't get up. She couldn't even move. She started yelling and I just looked down at her, calmly and intensely. When I finally let her up, she glared at me, and I figured I'd probably get knifed later or something. Whatever.

I didn't (and don't) consider myself to be extraordinarily tough or anything, I think I just had enough anger, adrenaline and training to get the job done that day. Afterwards, in the locker room, she decided she wanted to fight. She started in on me about my hair again, and I snapped and pushed her up against the lockers intending to punch her the face, but a teacher stopped me, and we both got detention. Shara's friends just stood by and watched slack-jawed because it was unprecedented for me to react with violence. It was so weird between us after that. She didn't say another word to me for two years. One day in the library right before our graduation to Highschool, she saw me studying and came up to me and asked me for help with something school related. I was ASTONISHED. She ended up apologizing to me for all the crap she gave me. Is that not a fun story? I love telling that story. I don't know what ever happened to her, but I hope she is happy and well.

Through My Eyes

Sometimes when I'm blue, taking photographs can take me to a different world. You really look at things, most of the time much differently than you would without the camera. You think differently. I guess that is the definition of art expression, and in this case my expression is through my own eyes, what I see. I did photoshop a couple of the pics for effect, but the others are untouched at this point. I'm really not much of a photographer, but I try, and I enjoy it. I'm not trying to dwell on death, or any of my other haunts, but this quote from Plato (the Greek Philosopher) kept coming to my mind when I was photographing some of the flowers. (Yes, I read Plato.) I also like the latter quote by Emily Dickenson.

"The soul takes flight to a world that is invisible; but there arriving, she is sure of bliss and forever dwells in paradise." -Plato

"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words And never stops at all." --Emily Dickenson

Last Monday after my "Who am I?" post, on my last day of vacation, I went to breakfast at my local bakery (The Sultan Bakery), had a wonderful low-calorie (Ha!) breakfast with homemade French toast, homemade jam, scrambled eggs and the best bacon I've EVER tasted, and then headed off to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. (Tulips are my favorite flower - the colors are so stunning.) It was about an hour's drive North. The weather was ominous getting there, but once there, it was beautiful and sunny. A perfect day for taking pictures. Okay, it was a little bit girly for me, but hey, it happens.

Happy Birthday to Jim!

My 5 days off is over. Wah. Now, of course, it's sunny. Jim is out golfing all day today for his big 4-0 birthday. (Happy Birthday!) He is not all that thrilled about turning 40, but the free-golf-on-your birthday is helping, I'm sure. I made him a cake yesterday and he requested steak for dinner tonight (of course). His mom and I went in together to get him a new recliner since his old one was completely hammered. It is a nice one and being that he falls asleep in it almost every night, he really needed it. I am way broke now, though, because of the SUV repairs and the birthday expenditures. We can't afford to do much else, so I hope he is happy with those things.

Who am I?

To my dear readers, if I have any left. I'm sorry for all the 'downer' posts lately, I know I can be a serious buzzkill. It's just that I have really come to a point in my life where I'm questioning everything. Yes, it is true that I have been hit quite hard in the last 5 months with some pretty big stuff. Death makes you really rethink many things. I feel as though several 'chapters' of my life have been closed. I can never go back, things have been left unsaid, undone. You really do change, I've changed. I have so many questions. What am I doing? Where am I going? What are my goals? I must be here for some reason. Is there something I am supposed to be doing that I'm not, or vice versa?

This may sound like a super cheesy B movie (I should have been an actress), but what am I destined to do? If anything. Will I have a legacy? Or will my life simply end at some point? There are two particular incidents that come to mind that happened to me, where I am amazed I still walk the earth. One was back in 1997. I was driving to work on an old back country road. I was going around 50 mph. Suddenly a deer popped out onto the road, giving me ZERO time to react, and it slammed full-on into my windshield. I shut my eyes tight, held on the steering wheel, and instinctively slammed on the brakes. I felt the car (I had a sedan at the time) slide sideways into oncoming traffic, then get all bumpy, obviously in the brush. I came to a stop after what seemed like a lifetime and slowly opened my eyes. My lunch was all over my car, along with the contents of my purse, but the windshield wasn't broken, and I was ALIVE. I looked to my left and it took my breath away. If my car had slid 4 more inches, I would have rolled (or sailed) off of about 100-foot incline. There was no way I could get out, and I thought for a brief moment that if I even opened the car door, that the car would lose ground. In a about a split second, I slammed the gear into first and put the pedal to the metal. Back onto the road. At that point I was shaking, but I don't remember ever uttering a peep. I looked back to where I had slid and saw these huge black skid marks that went on forever. I guess it wasn't my time to go.

The other time was about 6 months ago. I was driving home on Highway 2 (which is nicknamed the highway of death because of all the head-on collisions), and it was late at night. I don't think much of the dangers anymore because I drive it every day, but that night I had another brush with death. I was driving along around 60 mph. There is no divider between lanes for oncoming traffic, and to my right was only a small metal railing that separates you from a cliff down to farmland, or to the Skykomish river. I was at the river point. There are no lights whatsoever except vehicle headlights. Suddenly, a truck (I think), swerved into my lane. I don't know if the person was sleepy, drunk or what. I was sober and had all my faculties about me, but I had NO WHERE to go. If I brake hard, I risk getting slammed from behind or sliding sideways into oncoming traffic, and if I go to the right, I risk flying into the river. Great. Again, I shut my eyes thinking "Okay, this IS IT. Please God don't let it hurt too much." I heard no braking, no tires squealing, no screaming, no nothing. I know I kind of swerved right a little hoping to avoid the head-on. There was NO WAY I could have made it. When I opened my eyes, I was just driving. Straight and normal. I didn't even think the person had time to swerve back over, but I guess they did. It had to have been by inches. Again, I guess it wasn't my time. Very strange occurrence.

Anyway, I'm just feeling odd. Like I can't quite figure out what to do with myself. I suppose time will help me, but even before all this, I was feeling anxious and unsettled. Most of you know I believe in God. You probably don't believe I do, but I do. I'm not much of a churchgoer anymore, churches make me mad. I don't feel close to God when I'm sitting in a pew, I feel close to God when no one is home and I'm kneeling in the dark. I've been doing that a lot lately. Asking God what it is I'm supposed to do. How do I help my mom? What do I do with my life? I feel like I am in some sort of limbo, frozen-like. Is that weird? That's a dumb question, isn't it? Of course it's weird. Almost everyone I know has a plan. Taking care of their kids, working hard at their career, saving for retirement, blah, blah, blah. Not me. I'm flying by the seat of my damn pants.

It's actually sunny today. The snow is melting. I'm going to go somewhere. Anywhere. I'm also hungry.

It won't stop snowing.

I thought maybe it would be a day or so, just a freak storm. Not so much. It has been snowing the last 3 days, and I woke up to it again this morning. It's April frigging 20th! If you don't believe we are experiencing climate change, you're out of your damn mind. When all else fails, though, make crab and artichoke dip. It works for me. It is my most requested dish, and it is delectable! Sorry, I can't give you my recipe because it has secret ingredients. If I told you, I'd have to kill you.

In the photos, we have snow-covered confused plants, and an unhappy Jim coming back from knocking snow off of the satellite dish. You also may notice my poor little tulips that just bloomed right next to the tree. Neat.

My Grandma

My mom just called and told me my grandma was gone. I called her "Mimi". I know it's stupid, but that's what I called her when I was a kid and it stuck. I spent many summers visiting her, and a large portion of my childhood at my grandparent's house. They played with me, took me to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm and she was this incredible cook. She loved everything spicy, that must be where I get it from. She loved to dance, and her and my grandpa (which I called Papaw or 'Pap') were always dancing all over the house with country music blaring. They were a lot of fun. I would spend the whole summer there sometimes, and I met other kids in the neighborhood who became my really good friends, and they were always coming over to the "fun" house with the pool. My grandparents would even "slip" us beers. "Don't tell your mother!", they would say. No wonder I was popular. Hehe. Needless to say, they weren't the 'typical' cookies and milk grandparents. I miss her already. I am so sick of crying; it gives me a terrible headache. This makes 3 deaths in our family in 5 months. I'm not doing so hot right now. I wish my mom was here. This is a terrible picture, but this is how I remember her, always joining in on the fun with my friends and me. The boys in the picture are Aaron, a neighbor who I became friends with when I was about 12, and Dan, Aaron's best friend. My California peeps.

Um, WTF? Over.

Okay, so it was 82 here last Saturday. It is now BLIZZARDING. Wanna hear the newest round of crazy and messed up? I knew you did. Sit down. Have a drink. Join me.

First, I get a call from work. At 9 am. Having a crisis. I had to drive in and fix it. My commute is an HOUR. I can't even get two damn days off in a row. How lame. (Yes, I am writing in short squatty sentences today. I write like I talk, and that is how I'm talking today.) So, I went and did that and some other very frustrating errands. Tip: If you see something at Costco you want or need, BUY IT RIGHT THEN because it WILL NOT BE THERE when you go back. In the Costco parking lot, I saw big black clouds and then it started hailing. It did not stop hailing for 20 minutes. I like storms, so I was all jazzed. Thunder? Cool. Lightning? Even cooler. Horrendous traffic because it starts blizzarding on your way home? Not cool.

Then I get a call from my mom. My grandma isn't going to make it through the night. She is in a coma and expected to die any minute. My poor mom is a mess, crying and upset and scared. I don't know what to say to her anymore. I don't know how to help. She may have to stay in California for a month to sort everything out with the lawyers. What do I do? Well, for now I'll just blog and post pictures, and try not to lose my shit. I have to keep it together for my mom.

I'm the biggest sap on the planet.

I've been a serious couch potato today watching movies. What movies did I watch? Sad ones. Because that's a great way to make yourself feel better. Not. One of the ones I watched was "Titanic", one of my favorites. It really is a good flick, Jim likes it, too. I aways cry at the end, of course. This was my third sad movie in a row and I'm thinking I need to go put in Texas Chainsaw Massacre or something so I can be normal. OK, that didn't sound right. LOL. Jim will be home soon, so I need to get it together before he checks me into the looney bin. The dogs have been joined to my hip today. They like it when mama is home. They haven't left my side, and they are so faithful to lick my stupid little tears. It was a good day off. Eating, sleeping and laying on the couch watching movies. I've got tomorrow off too, but it will be filled with tasks. Meh.

You like spicy?

I decided on Cajun prawns for lunch. Everybody begs me to make these, they are so good! I used to observe the chefs at the restaurants I worked at, and now I just cook some of the things I remember. It's really hard not to use an entire baguette (bread) to sop up the sauce.

Finally a few days off.

I just woke up, and I am going to figure out something to cook to eat, then probably watch movies all day or something really productive like that. I'm all by my lonesome today so I'm going to stay in my long T-shirt and Husky (dog) slippers. It's cold and rainy, so it's the perfect time to get some much-needed R&R. I'll blog more later if I'm not napping.

May I complain some more, please?

Of course I can, its MY blog! So there. Where do I start? There are so many things bothering me right now; some I can blog about, some I can't, but here is a buttload of the things I am going to vent to you about.

First, I just dropped my SUV off this morning to get some work done on it. Tires, brakes, that kind of stuff. How much is it going to cost? Over $1100! Well, groceries are overrated anyway, right? Crap on a cracker.

Second, my mom just went back to California to put my grandpa into a dementia home and check on my grandma, and, well, she needs surgery and is refusing it. She will die soon. She is aware enough to make her own decisions, and she has decided she doesn't want to go through with the surgery. Terrific. More death. I feel worse for my mom after all she's gone through. When is enough, enough? Seriously?

Third, I wanted to put in for my days off this morning, which would start tomorrow, but my boss is out today. Perfect. I am going to try and get it cleared through someone else, but of course it has to be the hard way for me. Always the hard way. You see my boss is awesome and pretty much lets me do whatever I want because I bust my ass for him. I don't know about others here. If I don't get some days off, I am going to collapse, though, I can tell you that.

I know I am my own worst enemy when it comes to some things, but my life feels completely out of my control right now. One minute I think I'm handling things the right way and doing the right thing, and next minute I feel like I've completely screwed everything up. Don't I make you feel better about your life? LOL. Over the last week and a half, I've lost 11 pounds. I guess that's something good, huh?

Taking some time off to clear my head.

I am going to ask for a 5-day weekend (Thurs thru Mon). I need it. Bad. I'm just sitting here staring at my computer screen. I can't think. I can't get anything done, and I don't care. Yes, it's negative time again. You didn't think I would be all happy-dappy for too long now did you? Silly internet people. You know better than that. One minute I'm singing in my car like I just won the lottery and skipping around the zoo, and the next I'm just waiting for the sweet release of death. (Spare me the 'you are too negative' speeches, please.) That is why this website is not called NormalDogMama, or SaneDogMama, or BalancedDogMama. You want warm and fuzzy? Run. Away. Quickly. Yes, I know, I am big, huge hypocrite. I tell people to go be happy all the time. At least I can admit it. LOL.

Also, my therapist is out of town. At least I've been blogging every day. I can't believe I've been blogging for almost 5 years now. Here is something upbeat for you, I get to meet Yogagirl! Yay! We've been stalking each other from almost the first day I started blogging, and now that she's moved from Texas to Oregon, we finally get to meetup. Speaking of Texas, I thought about moving to San Antonio for a while about a year or so ago. Anyway, I'm starting to not make sense so I'm going to go to the gym and run. I hate running. My boobs flop everywhere, and it makes my back hurt. Peace out.

Zoo Pics

We had a lovely time at the zoo, here is my short photo summary: The hippos were cool, the gorillas look just like I feel, (except they can lay down) and the peacock was beautiful. The zoo took me out my funk for a few hours; animals can do that. Unfortunately, it's back to my reality now of insomnia, thinking too much, and work. Meh.

Fun stuff, then some serious stuff.

Jim and I went to the Zoo yesterday. The ZOO. You know, to visit the relatives. *snort* It was a hoot! We really needed to get out of that house. We haven't been in a long time; I think since my stepson was 6 or so. I remember he wouldn't go into the nocturnal house because it was "too dark", but then he saw a little girl go in, so he got all brave. We went just by ourselves yesterday and held hands as we walked around. It was so sweet. We haven't done that in a long time. I know, AWW. Shut it.

They have a really cool grizzly bear exhibit where you go into this little cave and there is a hole with plexiglass right where the bear feeds. We were really lucky to catch this incredible view! It is really something to have your face about 6 inches from a HUGE Grizzly bear's face. It was spiritual in a way. Looking into his eyes and seeing his teeth and amazing claws right in front of you. His breath steaming the glass and hearing his snorts. The hippos were active, too, and we actually saw the wolves! You never get to see the wolves! (I love wolves.)

I promise some pics tonight or tomorrow. I am fully retarded, though. I have this great camera but forgot my memory storage cards. I only had one card with me, and since my camera is 10 megapixels, it only allowed about 13 pictures on it. DUMB, DUMB! But I did get a couple of nice shots, I just need to fiddle with them a bit in photoshop first.

On to the serious stuff. That happens so rarely on this blog. (Ha.) On Saturday morning I was all weepy. If you've looked on my Flickr account recently, you may have noticed a plant picture, a little tree, actually. It was given to me by a really dear childhood friend and his wife right after my dad died to plant in his memory. It died, too, I noticed that morning. I killed it. I suck so bad with stuff like that. I lost it and bawled my eyes out. Jim didn't know what to do, poor guy. He kept telling me it was OK, but there was no consoling me. It doesn't happen often, but sometimes things affect me greatly and I have the hardest time with them. Anyway, didn't mean to be a downer, but blogging is such a good way to get this stuff out. Happy Monday.

CrazyDogMama's Badass Kabobs

I know I've posted about this before (I think), but kabobs are so sexy and photogenic, that I had to share again. We had this incredible 82-degree day yesterday where I couldn't resist making my kabobs. I know this is not such a hard feat, but we like them. I marinate top sirloin in this crazy-expensive spicy teriyaki sauce, then add Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder and red wine, and soak them for hours. Then, I cut up fresh green pepper, red pepper, cherry tomatoes and red onion along with mushrooms and pineapple chunks. This time I added some jumbo shrimp in jerk seasoning. My tummy is very happy. I paired this meal with a nice cabernet.

What's up with the weather these days? Two days ago, it was like 30 degrees outside! Life is strange. In more than one way.

My New Sunglasses

I know you're thrilled, believe me. But you see, I haven't bought new sunglasses in like, 7 years. It was time. They are different from the kind I usually buy, and they are a little bug-eye, but I like them. Taken just a few minutes ago at my desk, never mind the bed-head or exceptional quality of my cell phone camera.

We're going out tonight (my co-workers and I) to celebrate getting through hell week, and as you know, it's actually sunny and we may sit on the patio. So, these were a total and completely necessary purchase.

I am a blogging machine right now, hold on!

After 8 glorious hours of sleep!

Much better. I woke up in a good mood. Pigs are flying, people. I'm in a rather silly mood this morning, so stay with me here. Today's commute was a little different. Usually, I'm listening to stupid traffic reports or talking on my cell, but screw that! I decided on music instead. I cranked some 70's tunes (shut it) and some other random stuff. At one point I stopped at a light and had "I'm alright", the theme from "Caddyshack", playing by Kenny Loggins, (again, shut it) and I was SINGING along with it. Two guys drove up beside me and looked over. One of them was sacked out drooling into his coffee cup (which made me laugh) and the other was smiling and laughing at me. I waved. He waved back. I continued to sing. I'm thinking it will be an interesting day.

Can you say zombie? I knew you could.

I am an actual zombie today. I only got about, oh, maybe an hour of sleep, and I've worked 2 weeks straight in row with no weekend. It's neat. I love it. People kept asking me every 5 minutes, "What's up with you?" which really made me happy, you understand. Coffee didn't do anything except make me pee more, and I was busy when I thought it was going to start slowing down starting today. The good news is I got my yearly review, and even though I only had one eye open during the meeting, I got tons of praise for a job well done and a bigger raise than I thought! Happy dance! I'll celebrate later. Need sleep. Now.

On a side note, I thought this little snippet was kind of funny. Jim just got home and realized he left a whole plate of food in the microwave and forgot about it, which I found when I got home and put in the sink because it was ruined of course. The conversation went like this:

Jim: Oh man! That pisses me off! I can't believe I did that!
Me: Yeah, it didn't make me happy either.
Jim: Oh, shut it, you get pissed when someone accidentally throws aways a sugar packet. You act like you went through the depression or something.

LOL. OK, so I'm a freak and don't like to waste things. Sue me.

Another Stupid MEME

I'm sick of these MEME things, but this one is kind of interesting. Play along if you want. I know how much you all live for them. Oh, and how about all this posting I've been doing lately, huh? Aren't you proud of me?

1. When and where were you born?

November 12, 1971, in Long Beach, California

2. What was your favorite thing to do as a child?

I was really into gymnastics, and I also liked to run around outside getting dirty. I was a tomboy. I loved to swim, too.

3. What is your favorite thing to do as an adult?

Sleep, eat, internet, photography. I still love to swim, too, but I don’t get to do it very often.

4. If you could change something about your life, what would it be?

I’m still in the process of figuring that out. There are lots of things I’d like to change.

5. If you work, do you like what you do?

I work. A lot. It's OK, but it’s not what I dreamed of. At least I get to indirectly help people. My company will sell in a year or two so I will have the opportunity to make changes then, if I want to. I'm kind of sick of working right now. I've been working since I was 16, and the most time off I've ever taken off consecutively is two weeks. HOW SAD IS THAT? I believe I will be kicking up my heels for a while at that point.

6. What is the first thing you notice about people, besides their looks?

Whether or not they have intelligence and sense of humor.

7. If you went to college, when, where and what was your major?

I graduated with a bachelor's degree from the University of Washington in 1993 and majored in Criminal Justice. I went back later (in 2000 and 2001) for certification in Biomedical Regulatory Affairs.

8. What did you have for breakfast?

A chocolate protein shake. I would have rather had eggs benedict.

9. What are your plans for the next weekend?

I don’t really know. I’ve been kicking around going to the Seattle Art Museum to see the Roman Art exhibit from the Louvre. I’m not usually a museum kind of girl, but that sounds interesting to me. Either that or watch TV and eat macaroni and cheese.

10. Where will you go on your next vacation?

Vacation? What is that? If I had the money, I’d like to either go to Bora Bora or do an Israel/Egypt excursion.

Apparently I'm not worthy.

How is everyone on this fine and lovely morning? I'm having delusions of grandeur. Probably from working an INSANE number of hours. Bora Bora is just looking better and better. Annie, how is the ear? Hope you are feeling better girl, we need to bowl. I need a night out BAD.

I'm sitting here at my desk having much success slurping down a HUGE iced mocha with like, 4 shots of espresso in it, and damn it, today I got whip cream. I deserve it! I'm going to be heading back to the gym next week after I can get some sleep. I have taken quite the hiatus from lifting weights, and OMG it shows. Pumping iron always makes me feel better, so I need to get back to it. Apparently, I am negative and cynical. Fuck, who knew? LOL. Yes, it's true, all of you out there in blogland, I am not the happiest person that ever lived, but I think Denis Leary said it best "Life is a series of happy MOMENTS. A chocolate chip cookie or a 5 second orgasm." How true that is. Do you see the island pictured with the amazing water? I'm going there in my head today.