Chicken CPR

This is frigging hilarious. I don't know who was funnier, the woman from Arkansas or Terry Bradshaw. I'm warped, so the whole chicken in the "ICU" (a cardboard box), and then Jay remarking that a cardboard box IS an "Arkansas ICU", just made me roll. Also, the part at the end where the woman says the chicken doesn't appreciate her. LOL.

7 Years ago today.

If you were anywhere near the Seattle area, you got rocked! We had one of the largest earthquakes in the state's history, a 6.8 magnitude. Someone showed me this video the other day where some guys at Microsoft had a webcam going during the quake. It's actually a great capture, and although it seems like a short jolt on the video, it seemed like a millennium when it was happening. It lasted like 41 seconds or something, which is long for a quake. I was walking outside of my work building going to my car to head to the gym. The ground started shaking while I was walking, and it seemed like I was surfing. I grabbed a hold of the top of my car and was praying that the glass from the all-glass building complex I was in wouldn't shatter and impale me. I managed to get my car door open, and DOVE inside. People came running out of the buildings, some screaming, it was a trip! If you experienced it, share your story with me!

Here's the video.

https://youtu.be/c4mFh-I1Epc

What do you have on YOUR refrigerator?

Since my Mother-In-Law is a new widow, she wanted to have and know how to use a gun. Jim and I took care of that and took her shooting last weekend. Quite hilarious, I must say. I hadn't shot my gun (see below) in almost 13 years so I wanted to make sure I still "had it". Woohoo! I do! Killed that target! I was proud of myself and stuck my target on the frig. I know, I have issues.

Sig Sauer Pro 2340: A semi-automatic 40 caliber pistol

Nothing says "Happy Valentines Day" like a Chocolate Martini.

Yum. Love.

Food, Photos, and Dogs.

First, you must agree that anything sleeping is precious. ESPECIALLY fuzzy things. When I'm working on the computer, he always curls up in the middle of my mess, and snores. Second, this is my first rotisserie masterpiece of chicken. I have to say it was pretty tasty and I felt all proud and stuff that we have a ROTISSERIE. Third, do you love Giada? I love Giada. Her recipes are simple, but so tasty. You don't have to be a chef to prepare these meals, and they are relatively quick, too. This recipe called for veal, but being cheap and broke, I just used chicken. I would love to get my hands on some veal, and NO, I don't care that its baby cow, because it tastes good. Hate if you will. I think the only thing I wouldn't eat is a puppy. I told Louie he'd better watch it if things go all Jericho.

The Good, the Bad, and the Bling

Well, I know I said I was back, but things are just not quite right around here yet. After going through all the stuff with my dad, Jim's dad went into the hospital as well, and the prognosis is not good. He was taken off of life support today and now it is just a matter of time. Our poor family is just going through hell right now, and to top it off, I've had the stomach flu. It's been a real treat, let me tell you.

The good is, for Christmas my sweet hubby re-proposed to me, and I got a new wedding ring. When we were married 13+ years ago, we had no money and just bought a cheap ring for me, and Jim has hated that I've had it this long. We still don't have much money (ha!), but now I have new bling anyway. He picked it out himself!! I love it, and because my original is sentimental to me, I now wear it around my neck on a gold necklace I also got for Christmas just for that purpose. Here is a pic. (Nichole - I promise new Louie and Maggie stories soon!)

I'm back, kind of.

Happy New Year everybody, I really hope 2008 is better than 2007. Last year sucked major donkey dick for me, as you may know. I won't go into all the why's.

Christmas was quiet. I did crack up at the fabulous fireworks show that the Space Needle put on this year for New Years. (*snicker* They f'd it up royally, and it was quite apropos, at least for me.) I did have a nice 11 days off to sleep, though.

So, here's to y'all, may your new year be everything you want it to be!

A Tribute to my Daddy

I was blessed with the best Daddy a girl could ever ask for. My Dad always made me feel safe and loved. He was never afraid to say, "I love you", or to cry. Growing up, we fished, we camped, we scrapbooked, we played games, we made cookies, we laughed, and we went to our favorite restaurants all the time, just me and him. He used to wake me up in the middle of the night to see it snowing. He used to carry me on his shoulders to watch the Disneyland parade. He worked hard so that I could have prom dresses and barbie dolls. He walked me down the aisle when I got married. I miss him so much it hurts.

My dad passed away last Tuesday, and I held his hand as he took his last breath. It was both the sweetest and most awful moment of my whole life. A part of me is gone, yet I know he is happy and in Heaven with Jesus, and in no more pain. He was and is a great man who had a great life. I love you Daddy, with all of my heart, Merry Christmas, it will never be the same without you.

I am crying too hard to type much more, so I will leave you with some of my favorite pictures: My dad doing what he loved the most, fishing. Me holding onto my dad in downtown Seattle, I was a daddy's girl bigtime. Christmas dinner in 2005 (Jim looks thrilled, doesn't he? LOL.) My dad with his beloved dog Molly. Thanksgiving dinner in 2006.

Having a hard time.

Yes, I'm still here, but I'm going through a family crisis. Please bear with me and I will post when I can.

Thank you, Cheryl

Fences, Turtles and Vacuuming Louie

Just when I had lost all faith in human compassion, my neighbor takes it upon himself to fix my fence while I'm at work. I know. That was really, REALLY nice. It was funny, Jim came home fully expecting to have an evening of talking to the police and cussing at the mess, and when he rolled up and saw that it was fixed, he was all, "WTF?" Anyway, I'm not feeling the hate quite as much. Don't get me wrong, the teenagers around here need a big kick in the face, but I'm not hating the world and everyone in it anymore. For now.

Now on to my exciting weekend and life. We went to see the kid's Highschool play that he landed the lead role in. It was called "The Odyssey of Jeremy Jack". It was about a turtle wanting to ditch his shell or something. I don't know. Anyway, I thought this picture was cute.

Louie *loves* the vacuum. He considers it the best dog massage ever. Here is a pic of Jim vacuuming him.

Big Pile of Hate

I was too pissy to celebrate Halloween this year. I had no want to feed the local asshole teenagers candy, (who do not even dress up) because all they do is vandalize me. They have ripped my tree-border to shreds and thrown it in the street, broken branches off of my poor little innocent tree and egged my house. I have never done anything to anyone. This is the first year I haven't given out candy, and this morning, I woke up to my entire front fence knocked down and trashed. Nice, eh? I have no money to fix it. I will be filing a police report this afternoon as well as calling the homeowner's association to inform them that they will be notifying everyone that CrazyDogMama has fucking had it. HAD. IT. Keep the little fuckers inside because I'm going on the hunt. You think I'm kidding? Friday night I will be staking out the neighborhood with a camera and a BB gun.

My Favorite Things About Growing Up in the 80's!

#1 The Breakfast Club. Every teenager on the planet can relate to this movie. "So, it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social." - Bender

#2 Feathered hair. I spent HOURS feathering my hair each day like Farrah Fawcett.

#3 Duran Duran. Hungry Like the Wolf! I liked Nick. Who did you like?

#4 Atari "Adventure". This game rocked on so many levels. I hated the fucking bat.

#5 Sixteen Candles "What's happening hot stuff?" - Long Duck Dong

#6 The 1982 Jane Fonda Workout. Feel the burn!

#7 MTV and the "Thriller" video. It still rocks. I wanted to be one of the dancing zombies. BAD.

#8 Rollerskating! Skate King Rules! These are the exact rollerskates I owned.

#9 Ms. Pacman. If only I had all those quarters back.

#10 The Beastmaster. Codo & Podo!

#11 Raiders of the Lost Ark. Best. Movie. Ever.

#12 Poltergeist. I remember going to see the midnight showing of this with my mom.

#13 Levi Button-Fly 501's; ripped with bleach spots. Tapered down the leg for maximum sexiness.

#14 AC/DC. Someday I will be Back in Black.

Sucky Mode

Things have been sucky lately. My boo-boo thumb is blacker than the smoke from the Cali fires (scary stuff), and I have been hacking up my lungs through my nose. Yes, I've been ill, hence the no posting. I have also been, well how do you put it, REALLY GRUMPY. I've been bitchy and snappy and generally a real joy to be around. Money is tight at the moment and work is really busy with an audit coming up. I won't bore you with all the details, I just need some time to get over it. I'm doing better today despite feeling super tired. I have nothing to report that is blog-worthy, but here I am checking in because I know you have all been sitting on pins and needles waiting for my next post. Ha.

What have I been up to?

I've been smashing my fucking thumb, that's what. We have these big, heavy filing cabinets at work that you have to throw your body weight into to close. When I rammed my shoulder into the top drawer like a football player practicing on those big heavy bags, I forgot the tiny detail that was my thumb in the way. OMFG. I must have jumped up and down shaking my hand like a crazy freak for 10 minutes shouting some very colorful sentences. It went something like this:

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT SON OF A MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!"

Anyway, I almost passed out because the pain was unbelievable. I fractured my wrist once and it didn't hurt this bad. Let me tell you how much you use your right thumb. A LOT. I bump it on something every 4 seconds or so and yelp like a banshee. Oh, by the way, "bump" means lightly brushing up against anything. It is all purple and black, and the picture doesn't even come close to showing the mess that is my cuticle. OUCH, people, OUCH. Do not try this at home.

The Boy's First Homecoming

I can't believe he's only 15. Is he not a total stud? Hope you had a blast Bill & Chloe!

Evil Bert

OK, I'm sorry, but this is AWESOME. "Evil Bert" is the funniest video I've seen in a LONG time.

UPDATE: Unfortunately, when I was checking broken links on my blog, I found this video was no longer available. They scrub everything that is any good. OMG this MEME was so damn funny. At least I salvaged a picture. Try to search for it, maybe you can find it somewhere.

This is why I love my job.

Occasionally my coworkers bring me all the supplies I need for cocktails. Here we see Wild Turkey and Coke in the convenient airplane bottle sizes. They also bought me a VIBRATING chair. Yes, I KNOW. See the cute little controller? It's how they get me to work overtime on salary. OOOH, the vibrating. Aren't you jealous?

What have they done?

There is a petition you can sign to bring back "Planter's Cheez Balls". Please help me. I'm lost without them. Thank you.

It's Fall!

Fall is my favorite season. It has the best weather, the best food, the best colors and two fun holidays, if you consider my birthday a holiday. Which you should.

The Best Weather: Crisp, cool, sunny days (like today), and good storms. I also like DARK. I may be alone on this, but I like the whole daylight-saving thing that makes it dark when I go to work and dark when I come home. Too much light on me is not a good thing, you see. I don't know why I like it; I just do. Its creepy. Sue me.

The Best Food: Pumpkin lattes, Halloween candy, turkey and all the trimmings. Need I say more?

The Best Colors: My entire house is done in Autumn colors, and most of my clothes. Muted greens, oranges, reds, yellows and purples. One of my favorite crayons was burnt sienna, which is a fall color.

Holidays and other fun: Thanksgiving rocks because it is a 'food' holiday. All you do is eat. My kind of day. Halloween is the perfect excuse to be myself, and again, eat. My birthday, self-explanatory. It is going to be good this year because it sucked last year. That is how it works.

You also have the beginning of the Christmas season, and remember Fall doesn't end until late December. You have the stores playing Christmas music and decorations everywhere and possibly a snow event or two. I love snow, I just hate it when I have to go to work in it and deal with idiots in traffic. It's also the beginning of ski season! One of these days I'll get my butt back up there.

So, there you have it, my very positive and upbeat post for today. Don't FALL over, HA!

Things going on with me lately.

1. I totally don't feel like blogging.

2. I've been craving apple juice and grape juice and drinking large quantities of them. These are not usual beverages for me.

3. I wore a sweatshirt-coat today. First time in many months. I'm cold. Highly unusual for a person who has her bedroom air conditioning on 365 days a year. (I'm not sick that I know of and I'm not pregnant.)

4. I'm having trouble sleeping again. Last night I got up at 3 am and started milling about. I accidentally woke up Jim and this was the conversation:

Jim: What the hell are you doing?
Me: Drinking grape juice.
Jim: At 3 am?
Me: Yeah.
Jim: What is wrong with you?
Me: I don't know.
Jim: Are you OK?
Me: Yeah, I guess.
Jim: (continues to look at me strangely for several minutes) Are you SURE? You are acting very strange and sneaky.

5. I am pissed off at a company that illegally billed my debit card for product I did not order. I am filing charges. I am really eloquent like Erin Brockovich when I deal with customer service on the phone, too. Especially when I've been on hold for 20 minutes.