More Movie Reviews!

Legally Blonde 2:
Don't waste your time. Now, I loved the first one, but this one was just plain ridiculous. I really like Reese Witherspoon too. I can't believe my husband sat through the WHOLE THING without saying a word. He must really love me.

Freeway
What a great flick! This is also a Reese Witherspoon movie, but in this one she is a badass! It is a dark comedy (my favorite kind) with some great "unconventional" twists. It is older, made in the mid-nineties, and also has Kiefer Sutherland in it. A must see!

Wrong Turn
Not great, not horrible. Entertaining, with some good killing scenes, but still a little too "teenagy" for me. The Netflix envelope described this movie as "License to Drive meets Deliverance". Based on that, I had to watch it.

Terminator 3
So-so. I do love Arnold, though. There was some really cool big-trucks-flipping-over and crashing scenes, and the female terminator (Terminatrix) was a great foe, but all and all, I was disappointed. Not a gripper like the second one. I missed Linda Hamilton and the guy playing John Connor was a little "femmy". If they make a fourth one, Skwigg should play the woman kicking ass. :)

Anger Management
Not as good as the hype. Two great actors in a mediocre movie, in my opinion. Very predictable. OK, but wouldn't watch it twice.

About Schmidt
You know, people either loved this movie, or hated it. I loved it! I wasn't grossed-out by seeing Kathy Bates naked, come on people, not everyone looks like a super-model, and quite frankly I like a little reality once in a while. I think this movie dealt with issues that no one likes to think about. I liked it because the main characters were controversial, meaning you didn't know whether you liked them or not. Something different! I'm tired of the same old movie.

I still need to watch 28 Days Later. I can't bring myself to watch the Matrix movies yet, they just don't do anything for me. Everyone keeps telling me to watch, but people flying through the air doing flips and kicks and shooting guns just seems stupid to me. Apparently, I am a minority in this one.

Lip Issues

Today, I look like I got beat up. I have a crack down the middle of my bottom lip, and two, count em' TWO fever blisters, also on my bottom lip. I thought about wearing my Leatherface mask to work today to cover it up, but somehow, I don't think the nice auditor lady would find the humor in it. So, I'll just dress up and wear lots of lipstick on my diseased and scary mouth. We have another freaking audit. I so need a vacation. No snow today, so I couldn't call in cold. I am going to beg all my blogger-friends not to write anything funny today because if I laugh, my lips will bleed, and I will cry. My trainer would be so disappointed in my wussiness.

Rain, flooding, wind, snow and sunshine?

That's Washington for you. I went to bed to high winds. I woke up to rain and flooding. The commute to work resulted in massive snow to the point where I couldn't tell if I was on the road or the grass because I couldn't see anything. The weather report says sunshine by the afternoon. There are power outages everywhere and traffic lights don't work. Weather report today: EVERYTHING.  For up-to-the-minute weather reports: LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW. I live an hour from work and live in the mountains. Every other mile or so, something different was happening. My husband can't even GET to work. The lucky rat! All this going on, and of course, my work is operating quite nicely. Damn.

Spilling Stuff

We all have skills. Mine happens to be spilling stuff. I have replaced 3 keyboards at work from spilling liquid on them, and every day at lunch I spill some sort of food content on my shelf. (My breast-area.) My co-workers howl in laughter at me every day. When someone else does it, they have just done a "Cheryl". I do this so often, that if there is NO spot on my shirt, I get comments like "We know you are an imposter, has Cheryl been taken to the mother ship?" This morning was no different. I had to wash my shirt in the bathroom sink to get all of the coffee off of it. I am walking around with a completely sopping wet shirt, and no one has said a thing. It is a normal day. I have been told that my secret Santa this year will be getting me an adult sippy cup.

Fake the Funk to Facilitate the Fraud

This is my favorite quote ever in the history of the world. It is a "Jiminism". (A quote made up by my hubby, Jim.) Not only is it fun to say, but it can really describe some situations well, like yesterday for me. It is really funny to say it to co-workers and watch their facial expression go from blank to confused, then out comes the word, "What?" EVERY TIME.

I had an OBGYN appointment yesterday that I forgot about. I looked at my wall calendar at 12:45 pm and the calendar said the appt. was at 1 pm. HOLY CRAP! Not that I wouldn't mind missing one of THOSE appointments, but it is nearly impossible to reschedule and I'm out of birth control pills, yikes. So, I do Mach 4 trying to get there on time, and I get a call on my cell phone right as I'm pulling into the parking lot saying, "Can we reschedule you, the Dr. had a delivery." How dare he deliver a damn baby during my appointment! Now, I told my boss I would be gone for 2 hours. Do I go back to work and tell him what actually happened? HELL NO. I take a nap in my car. Faking the funk to facilitate the fraud.

Camp Nut-job

Just got back from scrapbook camp. It is usually 48 hours of pure bliss for me, but this time there was a nut-job among us, and the weekend turned out to be somewhat of a catfight. There is always one bad apple, I tell ya, but really, this is a given when you get 40 women together. Women are just plain PITAs sometimes. (PITA = Pain In The Ass) This person was as uptight as they get and had run-ins with several of us. You might think of scrapbookers as docile and hen-like, but you are sorely mistaken. We use things like razor blades and hammers as we put together our cute little scrapbooks. (My scrapbook pages consisted of pictures of our Halloween night and was titled "Leatherface, the saw is family.") So, really, it is not a good idea to piss off a scrapbooker. There was squabbling about what music was playing, too much noise, food not cooked right, etc. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to go scrapbooking with men. We could belch, fart, drink beer and have the latest sport playing on a TV somewhere nearby instead of some gay-ass soothing CD. Although, that is how my personal scrapbook workshops usually are, my customers KNOW how to scrapbook properly. If I get some time, maybe I'll post some of my pages. You may get a kick out of them, and the obnoxious amount of time it took to create them.

Duck and Dog Drama

My birthday is over. Poo. Dinner was great, we all shared duck in a plum sauce, 7-flavors beef, sambal coconut prawns, spicy pepper and onion asparagus and Szechwan green beans. Our appetizers were buddha spring rolls and lemongrass chicken! YUUUUMMMY. I had a glass of red wine, then we ate chocolate torte and ginger ice cream for dessert. OMG! Then, when I got home, my awesome hubby had an ice cream cake with candles and a CD waiting for me! What a sweetie! Especially since I didn't get home until about 10:30! Oh, and YES, I had another piece of cake.

Since I only got about 4 hours of sleep, today will be a joy. I am working a double. 6 am to 11pm. Fun.

Dog drama. Louie and Maggie got in a fight. Louie weighs about 22 pounds, and Maggie is a petite little 17-pounder. She kicked his ass. Jim called Louie a "vagina-dog". If it hadn't been so funny, I would have scolded Jim.

OK, What the Hell is going on?

My birthday has had a rough start. I accidentally slammed my head into a door. No kidding. I was bending over to pick up some paperwork I dropped and bumped my noggin' on the DOOR HANDLE. YEE-OUCH! I yelled some cuss words. (Not always a good idea at work.) Now I have a nice red mark on my forehead along with the ZIT I woke up with. Nice. Especially when I'm going to a posh restaurant for dinner. The first work-thing I started today was, of course, a nightmare. No one communicates with anyone, and so we all duplicate work (in a rush) and then have to do it 5 more times at a freaky stress level. Every job we do, or so I'm told, is of utmost importance, and the company's future depends on it. Yeah, whatever. Me typing a memo can't possibly affect the fate of the company. Unless it was a memo saying we were no longer allowed to eat chocolate. That would shut us down in 2 seconds flat.

Happy Birthday TO ME

Another Birthday! Yikes! I'm gettin' old. Stopped off for a Frappuccino this morning (yes, I was a little late), and I'm looking forward to a nice half-day at work. My co-workers are force-feeding me (ha!) fattening food today for lunch. I will then proceed to a nice hour-long massage. Following the massage, I will shop, then I will eat again at a fabulous Seattle hotspot called the Wild Ginger. MMMMMM. My OTHER co-workers are making me go there. This is the only time where it is good to have two jobs! This weekend I will be scrapbooking with 40 other women up at a lodge at the pass. It's all about me.

Somebody Wake Me Up

I feel like someone slipped me a Mickey this morning. I cannot keep my eyes open! I'm even typing while my eyes are shut. Just one of those mornings, I guess. My husband is all upset. He is a veteran from the gulf war (the 1st one) and he has to work today. He says everyone has the day off but the veterans. I think he is right, he should have the day off, but then again, I think I should have the day off too, cuz it is the day before my birthday (send presents).

Bath time or Armageddon?

For Louie and Maggie, it may as well be Armageddon. My husband begged me to give the dogs a bath on Sunday. (Apparently, they were stinky, I never notice.) You don't even have to say the word "bath", all you have to do is go into the bathroom and say "Maaaaaagieeeee, Looouuuuiieeee!" and they know. It took me a half an hour to get them in there. Then, Louie was my first victim. There was howling and yowling when I clipped his nails, the most pathetically depressed look when I was brushing him, and utter misery and the end of the world when I soaped him up. I tried to get him to give me a kiss, but he actually turned his head away from me. The hair dryer was death. He buries his head in my crotch with his butt sticking up when I'm trying to dry him. (He is trying to hide.) But when I'm done, OMG he is the happiest dog on the planet. He jumps and plays and wags his tail when I say, "All done handsome boy!" Then he gets a yummy carrot.

Giving Maggie a bath is like trying to innertube behind a hydroplane. I was sopping wet and exhausted afterwards.

Justification for reading other people's blogs.

"You can make more friends in a month by being interested in them, than in 10 years by trying to get them interested in you."
- Charles L. Allen Roads to Radiant Living

Happy Monday morning to you all. I am eating chicken and vegetable stir fry and a nonfat mocha for breakfast. What on earth is wrong with me? Normal people eat eggs, oatmeal, cereal, but not me. I'll be having my egg whites for lunch.

Another justification for a blog.

"There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day."
-Alexander Woollcott, Long, Long Ago

Ponder that one.

Oh Happy Day!

You are all most likely really sick of me talking about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but with the new movie out, I have rekindled my fondness. I ordered the Special Edition of the original movie on DVD (it just became available, and it has "meat" packaging!), and it came in yesterday! So, you can guess what I did last night. What a great movie the original is! I had forgotten! Marilyn Burns is truly the scream queen! I had not seen the original for a while, so it was great fun. Louie and Maggie and I all curled up on the couch together to watch. Jim fell asleep. Oh well, guess we'll have to watch it again tonight!

A week without a trainer.

So, my trainer is going to a competition and therefore cannot train me this week. She says to me "Be a good girl this week without me". Yeah, right. If I eat ONE MORE freaking piece of Halloween candy, I will swell up like Violet in Willy Wonka and Chocolate factory.

The Cauliflower Dance

The vet says I need to stop giving Louie and Maggie treats and start giving them raw veges instead. Apparently, they are both too fat. Welcome to my household. So, last night I gave them both some cauliflower. Maggie, as usual, just inhaled it and kept looking at me for more. Louie, on the other hand, performed some odd ritual. He grabbed the cauliflower, started wagging his tail very fast, then started leaping and jumping around in a circle, with the cauliflower sticking out of his mouth. He made no attempt to eat it or chew on it. He just danced around with it wagging his butt. There was rolling and frolicking and many grunts. He finally took it into his crate, buried under his blanket and came trotting back into the kitchen. It was the strangest and funniest thing I have ever seen.

What Irritates Crazydogmama

As I promised, there are a few things in life that irritate me. I already did the list of what I like, so here is the "Dooce" inspired list of how to annoy me:

1. Be all snobby and say you "don't drink coffee because all the caffeine is bad for you" as you shove a triple-layer chocolate chunk brownie in your face.

2. Walk around the back yard for a half an hour sniffing the grass while the house is freezing over from the door being open, then 2 seconds after you come inside, poop on the newly cleaned carpet.

3. Pass me on a two-lane highway when its pouring down rain while I'm going 65, splashing so much mud and water on my windshield that I can't see.

4. Be a high-maintenance, bossy/bitchy customer while ordering food from me, then don't tip at least 15% after perfect ass-kissing service.

5. Don't control your kids at the store, and then act all surprised and offended when I tell them Santa won't be coming to their house this year.

6. Stand right in front of the DVD and book section with your cart at Costco for 10 minutes, then wonder why I am ramming it.

7. Act like my dogs are "annoying" you. Chances are, I like them more than I like you, and I will kick you out of my house.

8. Change the radio station I'm listening to without asking.

9. Tell me how to drive.

10. Get drunk and belligerent around me.

Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.

Geez, this is the first time I have sat down since Thursday afternoon! Thursday night we started setting up our Halloween stuff and I got my nails done, Friday I got a massage, got my hair colored, worked OT and then stayed up all night charming Leatherface. Saturday, I worked out with my trainer, went to a Stampin' Up party to make Christmas cards, then worked at the restaurant. Then on Sunday I went to a "color-blocking" class for scrapbooking, cleaned and did laundry. We also had Billy (my stepson) and his friend over all weekend, so I was tripping over kids and dogs too. I need a vacation! Sometimes I don't even know what day it is. I just know I have to be SOMEWHERE doing SOMETHING. I have tried to take a picture of my hair and nails, but they keep coming out weird and fuzzy, so I'll keep trying so you all can see my new look. I've received quite a few compliments, so I'm not quite as freaked out as I was. I like my hair, but it was a pretty dramatic color change for me. Platinum blonde streaks, honey blond streaks, and natural blonde streaks. My nails are bright red.

As far as our Halloween went, we had a blast, but I can imagine that there are some miffed parents out there. You know how uptight people can get sometimes. We toned it way down, and most people loved what we did, but when I was in my straight jacket trying to pick up a beer, and Jim was arranging the rubber body parts in the garage, we were shot some interesting looks. Ha! Oh well, the kids had a great time, so we were happy. Now it's time to get out the Christmas decorations! I love Christmas!

The Sultan Chainsaw Massacre

OK, already! Here's some pictures from our Halloween fright. Leatherface, in sneakers!

Hair victory!

I found a place at the last minute that was willing to do a foil for me! They are also willing to stay late at night! (Foils take, like, 3 hours on my long hair.)

I think I'm gonna buy new shoes, too. Aren't they CUTE? I have all these girlie, pretty shoes, and then just my regular sneakers. I needed something a little retro.