A Night at Laguna Beach

I spent the evening down at Laguna Beach for sunset dining at C'est La Vie with my mom. I had an amazing Chateaubriand and Cabernet! We went shopping at Chico's (bought a new bag, sunglasses and jewelry) and had a gourmet espresso that burnt my tongue. I had a fabulous time, but too bad it wasn't a night of passion with a new man! I'm outta my funk now, thanks for the advice, Lea!

Finish This Sentence

This is the second day in a row I've been in a funk. It stinks. Tell me, when you are in a funk, how do you snap yourself out of it? Let me know, I'm interested. Here is another game I stole from a fellow blogger, it's called finish this sentence. "If I could have done one thing differently in my life, I would have..."

Let me see your answers in comments or emails. Pretty please? I need some cheering up. Thanks.

I want to be a beach bum.

I'm in a bad mood today. Some days I just want to quit my job and be a beach bum or something. Work invades everything. How did this happen? I climb the corporate ladder, become moderately successful and now all I do is work. I can't even take a four-day weekend. I never intended to be a workaholic. Not at all. In fact, I think there is so much more to life. Right now, you could say things are going well for me, but I'm lacking what I want most. My soul kind of aches. I try to motivate myself, but I end up caring less and less. Every time I try to care about someone, everything goes nuclear on me. I'm not alone on this. I talked to a woman in a store the other day, for quite a while actually. She is 45 and in the same boat I'm in, as well as all her friends. She is drop-dead gorgeous, and she said there is just crap out there for men. Her friends say the same thing. One of her friends is a model and no longer dates at all. Not a good prognosis. I thought I found someone once a few years ago, a very special person, but, mushroom cloud. That is why I decided maybe I ought to just focus my attention elsewhere for a while. I feel burnt out, though.

Extreme Home Fitness, Laguna Beach and Las Brisas

I just joined the world of P90X now that I've lost 47 pounds. Time to get serious. For those of you who know about P90X, you know what I'm about to embark on. For those of you who don't, look it up. It is a pretty amazing program.

Went to Laguna Beach today with my friends from NJ and had some yummy seafood at the awesome "Las Brisas" right on the ocean. Back to work tomorrow but seeing that I worked a bunch at home due to an influx of panic emails, I may as well have been there. :-/

I am so frustrated with the world of dating right now I could puke. I don't even want to talk about it.

More cute pics!

I had such a great weekend. I talked to my best girlie friend today and she said I love kids more than I let on. I guess I do. I love big families. Maybe the guy I end up with (if that happens) will have some and make our family bigger. I'm such a big goof ball. Part of me is really having fun and discovering myself, and part of me is craving a really good relationship with a man who loves me for me. That, and I need some really good SEX. LOL! I have a life now, let's get on with it already!

Took the kids to airport tonight, and my mom will be going back to Seattle soon. I will be all by my lonesome again.

Photo Extravaganza

As I was telling you, my step son (Bill) and his girlfriend (Erica) came down to visit for a few days. We've been swimming and went to Disneyland. We ate at the Blue Bayou restaurant and the Monte Cristo was amazing! The kids LOVED it. This has been so great, I feel so blessed. My family keeps getting bigger and bigger. I made my famous and requested "Cheryl Pasta" and BBQ'd steaks as well. Tomorrow I'm making a big breakfast for everyone. I love cooking and having lots of people at the table! There are many more good times to be had here, I can't wait for the holidays now!

The Crazies at Disneyland

My former boss (Helen) and I went to D-land on Monday night and had such a blast. She is way more fun outside of work. LOL! Splash Mountain broke down on us right before the big drop (bummer!!) and we had to exit our logs. Helen touched the wall and was very surprised it was made out of paper-like fuzzy stuff and not plastic or concrete. Weird! While we were waiting, we took pics of ourselves. Great night!

The OC Fair 2010!

Hangin' out and havin' fun with the guys from work.

My feet are going to fall off.

OMG. I am too old to be at Disneyland for 15 hours. BED.

Oh, and I may have been mistaken about Mike, he didn't disappear. I think I'm a bit pessimistic about men sticking around; they like to disappear on me. I sent the kids (stepson and his girlfriend) off to go get some fast passes for some rides while I sat and checked my email, and just as I see 2 emails come in from Mike, MY PHONE DIES. Of course. I'm such a tard. I'm all, "NOOOO! NOT NOW!" I was a little down today, even at Disneyland, until I saw that. We did all have a great time, but it is hard being a third wheel (if you know what I mean), even as a cool stepmom. I'm still working on the pics.

Using My Annual Pass

Going to Disney, big smile! Me with my annual pass! Wheee!

Disappearing Acts

Just when you start to really like a guy, they disappear. Yup. Story of my life. I don't think I said anything to scare him, so whatever. Moving on I guess, again. The whole dating thing is just WEIRD and frustrating. You start talking online, or wherever, and then POOF. I know when I've done or said something stupid, but I didn't this time. I don't think. Perhaps I am mistaken, but it happens like this frequently online. Usually, they just become obsessed with someone else. They always say they hate games and drama, but I swear, THEY are the ones that create it. Fuck them. I'm going to Disneyland tomorrow, hanging out by the pool and having a BBQ on Saturday and Sunday, then meeting up with friends on Monday. Four-day weekend! His loss.

I've really got to get a new adapter for my pics. I have some great ones! SOON!

Working from home today.

A mouse jumped in the pool today. I was so enthralled it didn't occur to me to take a pic. They are good little swimmers. I'm not afraid of rodents, I think they are cute. Weird, right?

I worked from home today so that I could get some work done! Everyone bombards me when I'm at the plant. I'm still tired.

Super Human?

I got home from work tonight, plopped on the couch, and the last thing I remember is waking up 5 minutes ago. GEEZ. Guess I needed some sleep? I am so stiff from running around Disneyland I can barely walk, and while I was sleeping, I missed phone calls, emails, all kinds of things. I have lots of company coming and now I'm down to one day to get ready. Well, I suppose they aren't coming to see my bathroom, huh? Let's hope not! LOL Crap.

I will get pics up ASAP, but I have to buy a new adapter for my camera to get them onto the computer. My other one went TU. I should be able to do that in my spare time. HA. I think they believe I'm super human at work. Someone needs an earful of how I'm not. I guess I'm going to have to threaten someone for a day off. How am I going to build any kind of relationship with someone if I can barely get time to go pee? Have I told you how sweet Mike is? God, I feel like I'm 15 again.

I am dead.

The fair was fun, Disneyland was awesome, stay tuned for goofy pics and funny stories. I have to go to work in a few hours, so I don't have time to blog I promise to do lots later. I have not had one second to spare.

The blog slacker is back!

I've been a little bit busy. :-) It was bound to happen sooner or later; I'm smitten. Mike. Gorgeous blue eyes, tall, handsome and super sweet. Loves God. He lives a few hours from here so I don't know what will happen, but we are getting to know each other online. He has a big heart and thinks I'm beautiful. He told me, "There is something special about you." My heart did a flip-flop. Haven't had THAT feeling in a long time. I'm trying not to get too excited, but it is hard not to (finally) be hopeful. I am afraid of course, but life is what it is. Can't be afraid to live it.

I'm going to the Orange County Fair today (leaving in an hour) with some new friends at work. I wish Mike was going! I'm taking my good camera so there should be some pics posted soon. My old boss is coming to see the new plant Monday and Tuesday, and when I asked her where she wanted to go to dinner she said "Disneyland!" So, I'm taking her to D-land Monday night! Yay! I bought my annual pass yesterday. Next week the kid comes to visit and my friend from NJ after that. Lots of fun to be had! Going to be in the 80's today so I'll probably get sunburnt at the fair. :-)

Working myself to death.

I was violently ill last night. Won't be eating Mexican food for a while. It was a long day at work too, and my chest hurts. Maybe I'm working myself to death. Ha. Thinking about taking some sleeping pills tonight, don't know how else to get some sleep. I wish I could take a few weeks off, but I can't. Opening a new plant does not allow for vacation, but it has been over a year since I had any time off and I think I'm going crazy. Some days are great, and some days I feel like, is this all there is? Gah.

I didn't call my date back because I just wasn't "feeling it". I can usually tell right away. When I DO feel something, it doesn't manifest. Frustrating. Perhaps I should marry my laptop, I touch it more than anything else. LOL! It sucks at foot rubs, though.

70's Music

So, I got out my 70's music box set tonight, and my mom and I were totally groovin'. We were dancing (my mom is way better than me) and I made her howl in laughter. You know the song that everyone on the planet screws up the words to? "I'd really love to see you tonight." The lyrics REALLY say, "I'm not talkin' about movin' in", but it sounds more like, "I'm not talkin' 'bout the linen". So that is how I sing it! We were dancing (she was leading) and we were singing together, "I'm not talkin' 'bout the linen'! ROFLMAO!

Lou & the Pool

I'm kickin' back in the pool while Lou gets into my iced coffee. LOL. Sorry boy, its empty!

Fine Line

I don't whether I'm messed up in the head, or finally right in the head. It is a fine line I think. I had really nice day with family and friends, but it was also one of those days where I thought a lot about many heavy topics. I got a phone call from the guy I went out with last night, but I didn't answer or call back. I'm not sure why. Something stopped me. I need some sleep.

A Kiss

Date went well. Good kisser. :-)

All the Things

I just worked two 12-hours days in a row, and I'm beat. But I met my deadline, damnit! I *think* I have a date tomorrow. I made plans with a guy I met online who lives about 3 minutes from here, but we keep playing email/phone tag so I don't know if it will be delayed or not. Should be interesting. A businessman, older than me, very direct (no BS). We'll see. I'm quite direct also and brutally honest about myself and what I want and don't want. I thought I scared him off and sent a "thanks and good luck" email, but a few days later he emailed back and said, "you aren't getting away that easily". Love that in a man!

The IT guy at work keeps saying how much he is looking forward to the OC fair and Disneyland. Too cute.

The remodeling is going well, but having the house torn apart all the time is maddening. The contractor is working on the guest bedroom now since I am having guests soon. I don't want to take pics until I have stuff put away in the rooms, so be patient with me. :-) My bedroom looks AWESOME, the office is painted now, and the crown molding is going in there tomorrow maybe. My bathroom is done except for cleaning and putting my excessive bath products away. I have a new air conditioner for my room, one with a hose instead of going in the window. The house air conditioning is being fixed, but it doesn't cool down the upstairs bedrooms very well so I need the extra one, so I don't die. I can't wait until I can have a balcony built with French doors and stairs going down to the pool from my bedroom. That is the plan, but it has to wait. That will be the last thing. But HOW COOL WILL THAT BE? My own private paradise.

The Crazy Place

I JUST got home from work. It is crazy there. Being that it is a brand new facility, there is much to do and I am in charge of a lot more than I used to be. It is a challenge. I do not WANT to be a workaholic, but I can't stand things not getting done right. One of these days I'm going to figure out a way to retire, but it IS nice making a bunch more mula. I guess SAVE SAVE SAVE then be done.

The IT guy is too young (31) and the Validation guy is moving back East when his contract is done. Oh well. Friends are good. Not the right time, not the right person(s).

Frozen pizza for dinner. LOL.

Only Me

I spilled coffee all down my white shirt today, then tried to wash the spots out in the bathroom sink. If you can visualize it, you will see my humiliation. The spots did not come out, and now I'm at work in a wet white shirt. Yeah. Didn't think that one all the way through.

The capper? The VP from Corporate is visiting, and I had to intro myself to the staff. Super day.

Ninja Mom

There are 3 flies in here and my mom is in ninja mode. I just felt the wind from her fly-swatting over my head. She is frigging dangerous with that thing! LOL. SMACK! SLAM! SWAT! SLAM! Now she has the garbage disposal going. Gross. It is very hard to concentrate. Now she's giggling. I live in a nut house. I'm surprised the dogs aren't barking.

Had a really good day at work. Why? Well, let's see. I have been invited by some new friends to the OC (Orange County) fair and when I stood up from my desk, put my hands on my hips and addressed the trailer, "Who wants to go to Disneyland with me?" I got a very enthusiastic IT (Information Technology) guy raise his hand and say, "ME!". So, it looks like I'm going to start having some fun. Then I had one of the Validation guys asking me how to treat his sunburn. Yes, it makes sense, no? A California guy raised in Arizona inquiring about sunburn care from someone who lived in Washington State for 33 years. Hmmm.

The Boy is Good!

Lou is OK! He has some issues, but after x-rays, an EKG and other tests, the vet was happy with his health overall. THANK YOU, GOD. It was hard waiting 3 hours to find out. This pic cracks me up, he knows to close his eyes now for when the flash goes off. LOL.

I caught up on work today (blah) and laid out for a bit. Had a tuna melt for dinner and now I'm alphabetizing my CDs and finally putting them away. Not an exciting day.

I'm worried about my Lou.

His tongue was pale grey yesterday and now today he is walking funny. I've been trying to carry him up and down the stairs because of his condition, but sometimes you just can't control a Cairn Terrier. I jumped online and found a new vet and had the records transferred. We have an appointment at 11 am. I'm beside myself. So worried. I can't lose my Lou. I CAN'T. Not now. He is like a child to me. I didn't know you could love a dog so much. I need a hug. I need someone to hold me and tell me it's going to be OK.

Selfies in the Car

Goofing off in the car on the way to lunch with friends at some place called "The Lone Star". Thermometer says 96 degrees. Yikes.

I Love This

A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, "I don't understand." The Lord said "It is simple. It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other. The greedy think only of themselves."

When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you. Remember that. 

Good Things

Not only am I down 44 pounds total now, but I had acne issue on a particular part of my body that is almost completely gone now! Between the sun, a chlorinated pool and a really good dermatologist, bye, bye ugliness! I'm working on a great tan too! (It was 98 degrees today.) So, I'm happy about those things.

Had a steak sandwich for dinner that was SOOO good, but now it is really muggy, and if I had a raft, I would sleep in the pool.

3 Different Things

1. OK, I'll keep believing in love if you insist, someday I will dance on the beach with "The One".

2. Have you ever discovered that you have been lying to yourself? It is a bit of an epiphany, I guess. Over the years I have thought about and told myself why I write in this blog. A few different answers have come out. The actual truth of why hit me not so long ago, and there is only one real reason I still write here. The reason I started the blog differs from why I continue to write in it. Maybe someday I will reveal it, but for now it is just for me to know. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

3. I just bought a cute new blouse, necklace (see pic) and shoes. Time for my nightly swim before I turn in.

Mail Bag - Questions Answered

Q: "Why don't you believe in love anymore?"
A: I guess I should have written that better. I do believe love exists, and of course there are different kinds of love, Family/Kids/Pets/Friends vs. Romantic. I know true love is real, but what I was trying to say was that the kind of love that is supposed to happen in "romantic love" has somehow been (partly) destroyed in our society. It is a selfish, self-centered world hell-bent on instant gratification and the propensity to "bail" when one becomes "unhappy". There is a lack of commitment and sacrifice. I see it everywhere, and unless you live in a fantasy world, you know it's true. My problem is that me finding someone outside of this human condition in our present era is statistically very low, and the chances of heartbreak are very high. I haven't given up, but I know the odds are against me. I also don't want someone with me (and vice versa) just because they don't want to be lonely. People can be very deceiving and will sometimes go to great lengths to get what they want. I'm just being realistic, that's all. God can do anything though, so I'm just trusting in Him.

Q: "Why do you think all of these people are "looking for something" on your blog? Isn't that a little paranoid?"
A: Well, perhaps, but one of them is my ex-husband's buddy who was feeding my ex-husband info from my blog during our divorce (I know that for a fact out of the ex-husband's mouth), and now that all of that is over and my ex-husband is remarried, it is beyond me what he is going to my blog to find out. I actually have a suspicion, but I can't say publicly. I seriously doubt he "just wants to know what I'm up to." The others are old coworkers that I was not particularly close to and never even told about my blog. They obviously saw it up on my computer screen at work and started visiting, but I can tell you right now neither one of them give a rat's ass about my life, and I can't help but wonder if there is an ulterior motive, especially when one signs on from across one part of the country one minute, then the other minutes later from the opposite side of the country. Obviously, there is some talking (gossiping?) going on there. WEIRD. Sorry if that's offensive, guys, but it is weird to me. So, anyway, I thought I would say hello to them. :-) No answer of course.

Q: How do you know when someone goes to your blog?
A: That's my secret, sorry. ;-) Remember, the internet is NOT a secure place.

My Odd Posts

Some of you may be wondering about the odd posts of late that call out some names. Don't worry, for those of you who are my friends and those of you who just honestly enjoy my blog, those posts aren't for you. Blogs can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter where you go, there are twisted motherfuckers out there. So be it.

On a different note, it got really stuffy in here tonight. The air conditioner needs to be fixed, so once I got too hot, I went out for a nice swim. I could see the stars and it brought back sweet memories of when my grandpa and I used to float on our backs and he would point out the constellations to me. I miss those times. Times when life was so effortless and everything was new and exciting. I almost purchased an annual pass to Disneyland today. I will soon. I am trying to embrace my inner child again and forget about all the pain. I'm almost myself again. There are still some old demons clamoring about, but I'll beat them.

Stalker Ex-Coworkers.

Dave and Travis, hello! Do you guys email each other and say "Hey, have you been to Cheryl's blog lately?" LOL. One signs in, then the other. STRANGE.

Love Blows

Unfortunately, I don't really believe in love anymore. People just get what they need from you and leave. That or they just keep using you because they don't want to be alone. We are all guilty of it. I'm not just talking about my stupid past, I see it all around me. Talking to people, and observing. You may just think I'm jaded, but if you look around, even look deep inside yourself, you'll see it's just the human condition. If you are lucky enough to feel a real kind of love, are you strong enough to risk everything? Or do you not believe either? Tell me, do you see it anywhere?

MEAT

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! BBQing tenderloins tonight with Romano cheese mashed potatoes and a garden salad.

What's the temp?

The new backyard thermometer. Isn't it cool? I thought so.

Too Much to Do

Well I was up until 4 am trying to straighten out my Quicken books (UG) then got up at 9 am and ran some errands. I'm sick of Home Depot! LOL. My bedroom is almost done along with the office and 1 bathroom. They have all been painted and now I'm having some white crown molding going in. Going to look great! I will do before and after pics, they will be quite entertaining. Had the "popcorn" ceilings taken out and put all new fixtures in the bathroom. This is why everything is still all over the place, plus the house was still furnished with all my grandparent's stuff still in it. So needless to say, it is quite a challenge and a crapload of work. Not to mention the expense. I'm laying out by the pool now getting sunburnt. Skin cancer, bah!!

Loving on my babies.

Playin' with the pups.

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."

I'm never leaving the backyard!

My sundeck is done! Beautiful! I've been laying in the sun and swimming today. To hell with cleaning and unpacking! Who wants to join me?

Under the Tuscan Sun

That is probably my favorite movie right now. I liked it before, but ever since my life turned upside down, that movie has become like an old friend. There are so many parts of it that I can relate to, and I feel much like the main character. I had to call a home theater installation specialist to hook up my Blu-Ray surround system because I don't have my awesome neighbor anymore to come to my rescue and I want it working properly. He can't get out here until the 14th and I'm going bonkers because I can't watch any DVDs and am stuck with regular TV. 450 channels and nothing on. I also ordered one of those "universal" remote controls. They are supposed to be awesome, so we'll see. For $500 w/programming, it better be able to do my fucking taxes. I could watch a movie on my laptop I suppose, but that seems so barbaric. Ha!

So far, I really love it here. Work is going great; I love the pool and the sunshine and I'm enjoying seeing Palm trees everywhere I go instead of Evergreens. It's funny, it is 100 degrees in WA right now and only in the 70's here, but it still feels different. It is pleasant and somehow serene to me. I can't explain it. Maybe because the surroundings are new and there is not an old ghost around every corner. The house is a challenge. The remodel is going to take a LONG time and I don't feel like things are in order, or will be any time soon, but it keeps me busy. (Just like in the movie!) I guess there is an interested party in my house in WA already, so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed! It is so hard to sell it, but I have to. Growing pains. The downside to all of this is the incredible loneliness. I feel like I'm going to become this old maid and die with a bunch of dogs around me. It's hard to trust anyone, and with all the work I have to do, I don't have any kind of a social life right now. I don't even have anyone to go to Disneyland with until my stepson comes to visit in August.