All Hell Has Broken Loose.

My current boss and my new boss spoke today and decided that I would work up until Friday this week. Then of course, MOVE on Monday. Um, I DON'T THINK SO. Yes, I have to move on Monday because I've rescheduled the movers so many times they won't talk to me anymore, but uh, guys? I kinda have a LOT OF SHIT TO DO IN 6 DAYS and can't be working 10 hours with a total of 4 hours of commuting every day and be ready to go. I had a serious fit. Not a good way to go out, but I'm a tad stressed and am not going to get my vacation rest time. Who came up with this whole work for a living crap anyway? Eve screwed it all up. SHE got to waltz around in the garden all day talking to animals and having sex with Adam, then decided THAT wasn't good enough, she needed forbidden fruit. All us women are stupid and get screwed over by snakes, I swear.

Oh, and to top off the day? The pizza guy brought me diet Pepsi. DIET. GROSS. He may as well have brought me gasoline. I DESPISE diet sodas.

The only good thing here is the kid made it! He graduated! Off to college in the fall! Go Bill! It went smoothly. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Scratch that.

New boss emailed yesterday that she needs me down there, NOW. My move date moved up and I can't take vacation and have to start working June 28th. Bah! Now I'm even MORE stressed and do not get to take time off until August! At least I will be able to go home at night and take a dip in the pool.

Movers are coming the 21st and then I'm outta here.

Dinner last night was very nice and a little sad. I've known this friend for 20 years and he has always been there for me. He has a blood clot in his leg, and I worry for him. It is so hard to say goodbye to people.

I have to go get ready now.

Getting down to the wire.

Two weeks from today I will be in route to my new home; most likely hopped up on some serious caffeine. I'm still tired and a mess (I went to work today with my shirt on inside out), but things ARE getting done. My neighbor came over tonight to complete some of the "to do" list I gave him. (I paid him of course.) He unclogged the dishwasher, took out my window air conditioner, anchored the new water heater, fixed the wiring to the doorbell, took apart a wall-desk, fixed the bathroom floor vinyl and a whole bunch of other little things. He also put in my new front fence, and it looks GREAT. He is such an awesome friend and neighbor. I don't know what I would have done without him. His ex left him a few years ago (I didn't care for her too much) and when mine left, we became pretty close. Not romantically, just a really great friend to talk to, have a beer with and we have helped each other out a LOT. He had my mom and I over for his famous pressure cooker ribs (Yum!) last night. He has a new girlfriend that I really like, she is perfect for him. She is nice, down to earth and just a sweetheart. I'm so happy for him, he deserves the best. As it turns out, they are going to rent my mom's house here in Seattle! They get very low rent on a huge house, and my mom gets a built-in fix-it guy. Seriously, Denin can do ANYTHING. He even untangled my necklace last night when I was getting frustrated with it! LOL I am going to miss him a lot. People like him are a rare breed. My mom has adopted him into our family. :-) I asked him if I could fly him down to Cali when I had a problem and he said, "Sure!" LOL!

Tomorrow I'm going to dinner with an old boyfriend (he's married now, it's platonic) and Saturday is my stepson's graduation. THAT should be interesting. I'm not sure if my ex is going or not because he told me a while back he was moving to Texas, but if he does, I'm sure he will have his new wife with him. (He got remarried.) Hopefully he is happy now.

So, as you can see, I do not have one spare minute. I got home from work late tonight at 8:30 pm, and am trying to get this stupid packing done. The movers do the big stuff and breakables, but I'm responsible for all the little crap. I'm starting to get excited now as it gets closer and closer. I will have a little over 3 weeks to settle in, get some sun, swim, and go to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm! I'm such a kid. I'm tired of being a grown up right now.

I'm Gonna Ride On

It is three in the morning and of course I cannot sleep. The doctor, therapist and everyone else is telling me that if I don't get some sleep, I am going to collapse. That something terrible will happen to me. Do you know what I said? I said I didn't care. In retrospect that probably wasn't wise, but that's what I said. I have all these wonderful things finally happening in my life and I still don't care if I live or die. Obviously there is something wrong with me, but it beats the shit out of me what to do about it. I guess the "bad stuff" is still lurking around in my head. I still feel like a fool in many ways. I believed things I shouldn't have believed. I haven't lost my faith, but I feel pretty far from God, if that makes any sense. It's my own fault. It might be that when I think something good is finally happening, it goes nuclear on me. Maybe that's it, I don't believe the good is real anymore (at least not sustainable), so I resist getting excited. Hell, how do you fix that?

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know many of the difficult things I've been through the last few years. Take what I've said here, then multiply it by a 100 and that will equal all the crap that I HAVEN'T talked about on the blog. It's amazing I'm not sitting in the corner rocking back and forth drooling into a cup. Yet. LOL!

I'm trying. I really am. Some days just kick the shit out of me. Some people, too.

What am I gonna do? I'm gonna ride on.

Shopping, Dating and the Last Two Weeks in WA

Sixteen more days in Washington. I confirmed my "load and pack" day as the 18th with the movers, then I'm staying with my mom until the leave date of the 24th. It is flying by. I'm slowly getting everything done, but I think I will just make it by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. I did not know the word exhausted until now. I've had 2 jobs before, working 7 days a week, and I still wasn't as tired as I am now. I was fighting to stay awake on the freeway coming home tonight. Hopefully I will LIVE through this.

After the party on Friday night, my mom and I decided to make a shopping day out of Saturday. It was the first sunny day we'd had in weeks and we went to a nice lunch sitting outside, and I bought some cute things for the summer. Sunday I went and got a mani/pedi and went out on a last date with a guy who has been vying for my attention for awhile. He is trying to move to California because his ex-wife is moving there with his kids, but I guess I've turned into stone or something because I just don't feel anything for anyone. Nothing. I have this big wall, no, FORTRESS around me that just pushes people away now. I'm social and I go out, but I won't "engage" as the Navy pilots call it. I think I'm just on my own now. I'm not afraid, I just don't want to. It all seems moot to me now I guess, like it's not worth my time. Perhaps I'll feel differently later, but I don't see it happening any time soon. It's weird, I didn't feel like this a month ago, it is a recent thing. I'm OK with it though.

Party Pics

I love you all so much.

The party was great fun! I can't believe how many people showed up, 30 or more, I lost count. I didn't even know I HAD that many friends! I got to see a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years, and everyone overwhelmed me with kindness. My hostesses, Annie and Mick are the best friends a girl could ask for and bless my mom's heart for having it at her house. I'm still working on the pics, I didn't take very good ones, but I will put them up soon.

Par-tay!

My Bon Voyage party is tonight. There will be pics, I am quite sure, that will somehow appear on my blog soon.

Alive and Dead at the Same Time

I have so many bruises I lost count. My leg has a two-inch gash. I am experiencing sleep deprivation, and because of it I started crying uncontrollably at therapy today for no good reason. I have had a new therapist for quite a while, this time a male therapist, and I tell you what, he is AWESOME. He has a very different approach and gives a ton of feedback. He is not one of those useless therapists that just sit there. He is very direct with me, and I LOVE it. The truth. No bullshit. When I started crying and couldn't tell him why he asked me how much sleep I've been getting. I told him 3 to 4 hours a night for about a month now. He said, "Well no wonder!", handed me a Kleenex and told me not to get snot on the couch. LOL!  He cracks me up. I actually started with this new therapist not to "fix me" emotionally, but to help me find direction for my life. It appears to be working. A promotion into management, a big move, and I am actually moving forward and not dwelling on the past. If you live in the past, history will keep repeating itself and I DON'T WANT THAT. I am actually making big decisions and not looking back. Thrusting ahead with a vengeance. Only problem is, it's KILLING ME physically. My poor body. Every second of my day is taken up with something that MUST get done. It will soon slow down (a little), but I seriously can't wait to get the fuck outta here. I used to love Washington but am now just completely tired of it. 32 years here. Long enough. Yes, I am leaving clean air and beautiful trees/mountains/lakes, but I don't care anymore. The beach, the pool and the sun sound pretty damn good right now. I'll deal with the smog, the taxes and the bankrupt state of California for a while and like it! Getting a huge raise and no longer paying two mortgages will put me in a no-stress financial situation. I have NO IDEA what that is like, but I can't WAIT to find out. I might actually GET to Bora Bora, and not have to hock a kidney to do it.

Okay, THERE, I blogged.

What a weekend.

NOT relaxing. At all. But I did get a big chunk of my moving list done. The next week will be full of calls, more packing and sorting, making the house livable for the time being (getting everything out of the kitchen), getting rid of the leftover garage sale stuff and my "Bon Voyage" party is this Friday. My AWESOME friends Annie and Mick are throwing it for me and I am overwhelmed at their suggestion and willingness to do something like this for me. My poor mom will be invaded by all my friends for a night of food, drink, laughing and saying goodbye.

Life is so weird right now. I feel like everything has been turned upside-down for 2 and a half years, but especially the last year. One day I'm fine, one day I fall apart, but I keep going somehow. Going through life's traumatic experiences and being alone teach you all about who you are and what you're made of. Some things you want to see, some things you don't, and sometimes you are totally surprised at what you see. I think I'm on autopilot right now because my brain is on overdrive.

My life has gone in some crazy directions, and I have a feeling there are twists and turns yet to come.

Hope you all had a nice holiday weekend.
-CDM

I need a massage.

STAT. Every inch of my body hurts. I moved EVERYTHING I own into the kitchen and/or garage for the carpet guys and ended up having to take a pain killer because I couldn't stand up straight my back hurt so bad. The place looks fabulous! Of course, it will be looking the best it ever has with everything repaired and working properly just in time for me to MOVE. Pisses me off a little. ;-) I just keep telling myself, I'll be laying in the sun and going for a swim this time next month!

I've hired two people for my team on the new job so far. It is strange being the one who "hires" people. Let's hope I picked the right people!

Can't think of much more to say at the moment so I'll just go to bed. Goodnight.

My Wedding Dress

I can't quite get to sleep and decided to sit at the computer for a quick break. I've been working very hard tonight getting everything off the carpet for tomorrow's installation, and as I was cleaning out my closet I ran across my wedding dress. I chucked it. Right into the garbage. It was a hard thing to do, but it is part of moving on. It has been awhile now, but things like that are hard. But I didn't hesitate, I just did it. I wouldn't want anyone else to wear it, it is obviously bad luck. Ha.

It will be good to get out of this town.

I have a case of "feel sorry for myself" today. I shouldn't, but I do. The blues. I'm trying not to go there, but sometimes I can't help it. It comes and goes and I try to contain it, but it's claws get a hold of me occasionally. The carpet is going in tomorrow and I have so much to do. My body hurts and I am tired. So, so tired. I always get stuck with all the work. More than I can handle by myself. I have hurt for so long I don't know how to feel good. I'm trying though.

Finishing Up.

Perhaps someday you will tell me. I'd honestly really like to know.

Got a four-day weekend here to finish up the garage sale and get the carpet in (hopefully). Moving day is getting closer and closer. I have no food in the house and I'm seriously hungry, so job one is going to get something to eat.

WHY

Why do you read my blog everyday Coin? I've been asking myself that question for over two years now and cannot for the life of me come up with a good answer. It made sense in the beginning with the mistaken identity thing and trying to get info, but it seriously doesn't make sense now. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind that you are a devoted reader, in fact it's flattering, but what is a happily married man wasting his time on my blog every day for? I'm not that interesting. I could get my mind around checking in once in a while for curiosity's sake, but almost EVERY DAY FOR OVER TWO YEARS, WHY?

WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?

You're killing me here! Even my therapist agrees there is something to it, and he is a male therapist. Enlighten me.

Getting rid of so much stuff.

All that's left! My dining room table posing as my desk, my sad little mattress, old office with crap on the floor and my lonely TV.

Who was driving the Mac Truck?

I was falling asleep at my desk yesterday, and when I got home I crashed hard. I did not wake up until the next morning (that's why no blogging yesterday). Today, I feel like a Mac truck has hit me. Every single muscle in my body hurts from all the lifting. I seriously feel 80 years old.

I won an award this morning from my department as being "the most helpful, friendly and dedicated employee". I almost cried. It is going to be hard to leave such a great group of people who actually like me. Speaking of work, I guess I better go do some.

Selling all my stuff.

Wow. I was feeling so sad and lost about selling most of my stuff, but as the garage became more and more empty, the more freedom I felt. Amazing. Life never ceases to amaze me. I made a ton of money too! Going to have another sale next weekend to shed the rest and then the new carpet will go in. I gave money to my neighbor today to fix the fence and do some minor repairs on the house, and then all the major stuff is done! I'm hiring a maid to scrub the house before I go, and the movers will pack my stuff. The rest is cake.

The very last episode of LOST is on tonight, I'm going to miss it so much! They'd better answer all my questions! No more LOST. How ironic.

Until tomorrow my peeps.

Garage Sale

Quick update, garage sale is going GREAT!! I am making WAY more money than I thought I would! Woohoo!!!

Finally, a Productive Day!

So I got my ass in gear Thursday. I took the day off work because the dogs had to get their teeth cleaned and the carpet guy came out to give me an estimate. So, took dogs to vet, got Windows 7 at Staples, went to the post office and bank, got a coffee, got garage sale signs, called "Geek Pros" to fix my computer (internet went down and I kept getting too many error messages), weeded through the house for all the sale items and put them in the garage, did the laundry, made myself dinner and crashed. Tonight I am pricing everything and rearranging the garage. I am DAMN tired and all sweaty. My neighbor came over and helped me move the big furniture out THANK GOD. My back hates me now, though, and I will be very sore tomorrow.

The house looks weird. There's hardly anything in it. I have my laptop on my dining room table because all there is in my office is books, DVDs and craft supplies (all on the floor). In my front room all I have is a small chair in front of my electric fireplace and TV. Nothing on the walls. By tomorrow, my bedroom will only have a mattress on the floor (because the mattress is new) and clothes stacked against the wall. I feel like a poor college student. LOL.

So there you have it. Progress. I even changed all the burnt-out lightbulbs, which I ever so gracefully dropped. They shattered all over the frigging place and I was screaming at the dogs to get away, which of course didn't work, and they walked right in the middle of it. *sigh*

I better make some money at this sale because everything costs a small fortune. A $900 vet bill, $1900 for carpet, $600 to get the fence fixed, 100$ for the computer guy, and yada, yada, yada.

Just Do It!

Yes, I am my own Nike commercial. I had to have a serious talk with myself after last night. I told myself to get up off my ass and JUST DO IT. I am going to be assuming a leadership role in my new job, and thus cannot be such a wuss.

Stuff is just stuff. It doesn't mean anything. People mean something, not stuff. Tonight's agenda is to move more furniture to the garage for the sale.

20 Percent

I'm overwhelmed with sadness tonight. As I sit here up against the wall, it seems like life is 80 percent pain and 20 percent pleasure, but we keep on going in life for that 20 percent. It sounds negative I guess, but it is how life works. I'm not sure what God is doing with me at the moment. Everything happening now seems good and exciting, yet I am having to pray for courage. I can't seem to move my limbs. Perhaps it is a night to rest.

They are having a hard time letting me go.

My boss in Seattle is making me stay a week longer before giving me up to my new boss. Also, I haven't moved, or even started my new position yet and I'm already scheduled to do interviews to put my team together. So, I'm now leaving Seattle on June 24th instead of the 16th, BUT I don't have to start my new job until July 12th, so that gives me more days off and more time to pack. There are seriously not enough hours in the day. I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night with all the things I have to do. This whole "independent woman" thing SUCKS at the moment. I have to move all the big furniture by myself (for the garage sale). Bah!

New Life, New Blog Makeover.

I am trying this blog skin out; I was getting sick of the old one. I'm starting to like making changes. I added music, which will probably annoy all of you, but that's my job. To annoy you. If you don't like it, you can go to the bottom and shut it off.

I am starting to go through all my stuff. Ug. I have too much stuff. I think I will like "downsizing" actually; it makes life simpler and more organized. First order of business is getting everything I am going to sell into the garage and throwing stuff out. That is the task this week, and I am having a garage sale the next two weekends in a row. This will be the biggest job, so I want to get it out of the way first.

I have to keep telling myself it will all be OK. To stop stressing. This is a lot for one person to handle, especially with all the crap that I've been through, but I have to do it. No choice. As soon as I start having a panic attack, I just sit down and concentrate on my breathing. Which I'm having to do a lot.

Better today.

After a good night's sleep, I am feeling a little better. Sometimes I have moments that seem to summarize things in a way that overwhelms me. That's normal, right? But we let go and push ahead! I must admit, it is hard to get rid of most everything in my life and start new. It is a necessary step in my life, however, but "pruning" can be painful. It will pass. Everything does. Life goes on and I am going with it. I think my problem is things are happening fast and I don't have much time to think about it; which is probably a good thing. The timing of how everything has come together for me is interesting, though. It is perfect. The order of events and their timing has been perfect. It is meant to be.

Laying in bed.

Everything just hit me. Everything. The past, the present, the future. I feel a little woozy. Sick to my stomach. I'm probably going to get sick, actually.

Why they call me "CrazyDogMama" and Happy Birthday to my Mama!

Took Mags to the Vet this morning. It is always an adventure to take her in the car. As you can see, she is nice and calm and relaxed while we are on the highway, but it's FULL chaos when I park and pull the emergency brake up. I asked for doggie Valium for the drive to California so that I don't chuck her out the window. Taking mom out for a lobster dinner for her birthday!

Gotta get my shit together, Day 1

Called my friend who is a real estate agent to start the home selling process. Made an appointment with movers to come give me an estimate on Monday. Started making a list of ALL the things I need to do before I leave and realized it is going to be a small miracle if I can do it. Had freakout attack. Recovered. Went to dinner with mom to discuss how I'm going to get all this done. Called lawyer because I still haven't received the deed to the house and I need it. Tried to figure out a good bribe to get my neighbor to help me fix the fence. Money and beer usually works. Thanked God for all that He has given me and all that He has helped me get through and proceeded to ask Him to not let me lose it during the next month of chaos. Got a little teary-eyed for who knows what reason. Recovered. Tried to figure out why I drank an espresso at 8pm at night when I have to get up at 5am. Sat in silence for a good 20 minutes trying to soak all of this in. Looked around the house. Put my hands on my head and groaned. Recovered. Answered emails. Talked to my ex's ex for an hour (I have an odd life) to give her the scoop and my new info because I will be living only an hour from where my stepson is going to college in the fall. (Yay!) Gave myself a pep-talk that everything is going to be great and that the best is yet to come.

Relocation Package

OK I'm semi-calm. Sort of. All of this is still very surreal. I've lived in WA since I was 6 years old (born in California), and even though I'm very familiar with the area I'm moving to, it is scary as hell to leave my whole life behind in such a short amount of time. On the flip side, it's gonna be so freakin' cool!

My company is giving me an UNBELIEVABLE relocation package. My jaw hit the floor. Won't be costing me a dime to move! I'm just going to hire movers and packers and kick back. I'm going to have a big garage sale in the next few weekends to "prune" my stuff. Only the good stuff goes with me, I will buy new later! My raise blew me away too. I'm not going to know how to act!

Anyway, I will officially be a Californian on June 17th (leaving the 16th) and I start my new position on the 28th. AAHH!

Thanks for all the great comments! I love you all. I of course will be blogging the adventures in moving.

I. GOT. THE. JOB. HOLY SHIT.

They want me there in about 3 weeks. Moved. In 3 weeks. To California. I got a 25K/yr raise. I am paralyzed with excitement and fear at the same time. I can barely think, let alone type. I will have to blog later when the shock wears off.

Just had the second interview.

Can't read this one. I don't feel 100% confident, but I think it went well. He was a tough interviewer, I answered some questions spot-on, and others I struggled with. ARG. I want to know right now damnit! Perhaps I need to work on my patience skills. Hurry up and wait.

Happy Mother's Day to All the Mothers!

I made my mom her favorite dish that I make, "Quattro Fromaggi Mezzaluna Ravioli" in a garlic parmesan cream sauce with jumbo shrimp and a Greek salad. It turned out pretty good. I also got her a mani/pedi gift certificate because she NEVER does stuff like that for herself. I also brought her an iced coffee. What did you do for your mother if you were able to spend time with her?

The picture of me is circa 1987 in the very backyard of the house I may be moving into this summer. I'm a little nervous about the second interview tomorrow. It seems like there is a REALLY good chance for me to get this job and I'm excited but terrified at the same time. It will be VERY overwhelming to sell my house, sell most of my stuff and move to another state, all while trying to start a new position with a lot more responsibility. Not only that, but I've decided to go back to my maiden name and there will be paperwork up the ying yang for that, PLUS moving to a new state. It will also be SUPER fun taking a driving test after 22 years. I haven't gotten the job yet, but just thinking about 

this stuff freaks me out. It will be a whole new life for me. If you had told me two years ago that 

my life would be at this crossroads, I wouldn't have believed it. I actually remember blogging over a year ago "I wonder what will be happening this time next year?" HA. It goes to show you that you can't know where your life is going to go. Never say never. Anything can change at any time. I 

never thought I would live in California, I never thought I would be successful in a career, I never thought I would be single at 38 and I never thought I would be able to get through 

everything I've been through. Maybe it's my time now. Maybe after all the struggles, all the heartache and all the loss, it is my time to live. I'm sure this is not the only change life has in store for me, just when I think nothing else could possibly change, BOOM! Who knows, I may NOT get the job, I just don't know. But I do know that no matter what, NOTHING stays the same.

You should do what I did. Right now. Write down where you think your life will be in a year, and then stash it someplace safe. Then, put in on a calendar to look at in exactly a year and see how close you were. I bet you are WAY off. You may not have big life changes like me, but I bet some things will happen over the course of the year you weren't expecting at ALL. It is interesting, try it.

I really AM a Badass.

It wasn't as bad as I remember. It hurt, yes, but when he said he was done, I was all "Really? That was nothing!" He laughed. I really love how it turned out, the cover-up is awesome. I let the artist do what he wanted, although I did say no to getting a snake going through a skull. ROFLMAO. I have SWIRLIES now! I like swirlies. I am very happy with it. Of course, the first thing that happened when I got home is the dogs jumped all over it and I screamed NO! OFF! OMG, OFF! They want to lick my wound, and, um, NO. Gross.

I have turned a few corners now, and am awaiting my Monday, or possibly Tuesday news. I think I need a glass of wine. My ankle is a bit sore.

Tattoo Parlour.

I'm waiting in the tattoo parlour. I'm the most normal person here, and that's saying A LOT. LOL! Everyone is nice, but I could have found the portal to hell, I'm not sure. It is however very sanitary and clean in here, but the music playing sounds like a mixture of a man screaming while someone is holding his throat with people throwing trash cans in the background. Hehe.

Pics later after the crying and cussing. I have to go act like a badass now, so please excuse me.

I'm bouncing off the damn walls!

I emailed the person I interviewed with today to thank her for her time and ask a few questions I did not have time to ask. Specifically, I asked when they want the position to start, if there would be anymore interviews other than this one and when she would be making a decision. She replied quickly with, "Need someone ASAP, there is an interview set up for you with another director on Monday at 10 am, and the decision will be made as soon as that interview is over." She also said she is hoping to have me join their team! HOLY CRAP. If this interview goes well on Monday, I will be transferring to the California plant ASAP as the new Supervisor of my department!

I can't sit still. I might be putting my house on the market next week! I would probably lose my ass in this economy, but how is exciting is this? OK, I don't want to jinx it so I'll shut up about it now.

I'm getting my tattoo redone/changed tomorrow at 4pm. I'm nervous. I'm not big on pain.

I have a new theme song for this week. I want to do it all. I AM going to do it all. (My way!)

I wasn't going to blog tonight, but I did.

My mom called and said I had to blog because I can't just leave people hanging. That's funny. When did this blog become so damn important? I can't imagine anyone caring that much about anything that I write, or hanging on every word I say, but I guess it is possible. I remember back in 1998 reading my first blog/website and wanting one soooo bad. I made it a goal to learn HTML, and I actually wrote it down on my goal spreadsheet. (Shut up.) Then, blogger came out a few years later and it was as easy as 1-2-3. You had to know a little HTML back then to have extras, but not too much. Now you don't have to know squat unless you want something really unique and fancy.

Anyway, I guess you all want to know about my interview, huh? It went great. After a crappy few days I wasn't exactly bringing my A-game, but it turned out well. The new director is spunky and fun, not at all what I was expecting. She said the other person she wants to hire (the person I would be reporting to) was someone she knows and said she could tell from my personality that we would get along great. I think that is a pretty good indication that I'm definitely in the running. I don't know who my competition is (they won't tell me) but I felt good about how I presented myself. I make a point to never be fake, but to express myself exactly how I am and what I can do. She seemed impressed. HR contacted me later in the day and said they wanted to set up another interview next week with someone else. I'm just going with the flow, waiting to see what life is going do next. BRING IT!

There is something I have learned lately that I will share. It is the concept of reality. Not existentialism or anything (ha!), but about what "reality" we create in our minds. Our thinking. What we think, or what "reality" we create for ourselves, determines how our life goes. It affects our mood, our emotions, our decision making, everything. The problem comes when the reality we create isn't actually "real". Deep shit, I know. I don't think I am explaining it well, so here is an example. Two people witness the same event. One of them thinks it has a great, positive outcome, and the other thinks it is a tragedy or horrible mistake. It is a very real feeling or interpretation for each person, but who is correct? Both. Neither. It is only perception and their reaction to it, and it affects each one differently, possibly a life changing perception. I'm starting to learn how to change my own reality. It is quite fascinating. It doesn't mean there are not facts or truths (e.g. the event was just the event), it just means how we look at them can be extremely important. Another example: If a child goes through a situation where their mother and father divorce, and the child goes to live with one parent, that child may grow up thinking that the other parent abandoned them. The fact may be that the parent without the child had no choice in the matter, but nevertheless, abandonment is the reality for the child until they change their reality.

What in the hell am writing this for? LMAO! I have no idea, just writing. Did your eyes roll to the back of your head? Didn't mean to get all philosophical.

Get! Go on! The pic is of my new sunglasses.

I'm Dying

Have had a very rough couple of days. Don't even know what to say. I guess there is nothing to say.

I think I am going to die from no sleep.

It's going to be a long week.

I have my interview on Thursday with the Director, but then it will be hurry up and wait. Which I totally suck at. But in the meantime, I set up an appointment for my partial tattoo cover-up. I'm getting my rose-piercing-the-heart touched up (I designed that myself!) and well, I think I'm going to have to go with some more roses or something on the bottom where the name is because "cover-ups" are difficult apparently, and laser removal is SUPER expensive and painful. Forget THAT. Flowers are more feminine anyway. ;-) So, in ALL ways, this will be a painful week. LOL.

Nice Weekend.

My mom and I were chatting on the phone Saturday night, and after about an hour I said, "This is stupid, why don't I just come over?" She agreed. So, I threw the pups in the car with an overnight bag, and we went to see 'grandma'. (That's what I tell the pups and they get all excited. LOL.) We watched a movie (A walk in the Clouds) and then went to bed. Sunday, we got up and went to breakfast at Denny's (I had the prime rib & eggs skillet) and then went shopping after I said this, "You know how material things only give you temporary happiness?" My mom said "Yes.", then I said, "Let's go get some temporary happiness!" She said, "Okay!!" So, we went shopping. She bought a ring; I bought some new sunglasses (like I needed more of those) and we both got some makeup. Had a great time. Went back to her place, took a nap, got up and grabbed dinner and watched another movie "He's Just Not That Into You". The movie was too funny. It was obviously chick flick weekend. I'm back home now getting a load of laundry done and paying the bills.

I don't know what day next week I have the interview for the Cali position, but I'm anxious for it. I have zero patience. I want to know NOW. It's funny, I'm going on vacation in a month to the place I might end up living in. Guess I'll have to find a new vacation spot!! I cancelled my eHarmony subscription (shut up) not only because I'm sick of it, but I'm thinking I probably shouldn't date anymore until I figure out where I'm going to be living. Ha.

It is so weird how everything has changed so much for me in such a short amount of time. But you know, I'm doing pretty good. I feel like things are really looking up. I do wish I had a special someone to share this exciting time with, but I believe he will come. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will. I hope it happens the way I want it to, but in the meantime, life is happening all around me and for the first time in a long time I can see it and am participating in it! I have learned much, made mistakes and feel like I've been through it all, but now I know what I want and what I don't want. I'm actually feeling more confident, and I know I can handle what life throws at me. I've still got some self-improvement to do, and I'm doing it, however no one is perfect and I'm not beating myself up over the stupid stuff! At this point I am actually willing to take chances I've been so afraid of before, live anywhere, and I'm on the road to happiness, and when that special guy does ride up, I'll be ready, and he will be spoiled rotten! (And so will I!) ;-)

He answered me.

I prayed to the Lord to ask Him if I was making the right choices, because these are BIG choices! I asked if He could somehow let me know that I was on the right path, and this is what was sent to me this morning:

This is a time of the culmination of many of the things that I have spoken to you in the past, says the Lord, and also a time when you can now proceed into the next phase of your life. You may experience a sense of loss as you make some required changes, but this will actually be a time of looking back briefly before you begin to move forward. Don't be afraid to let go. I am with you to take you higher. Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." 

Up at 3:30 am.

I'm either too excited, or there is something wrong with me.

With the great news at my company (having fun on e*trade!), as well as the possible MAJOR move for me, I can't sleep. My boss wrote the nicest recommendation email to the director at the new L.A. plant on my behalf. I had no idea she thought of me so highly, either that or she wants to get rid of me, ha! (I cause trouble and make people do things right.) I'm getting interviewed next week, so wish me luck! I've never been a "boss" before, so this is uncharted territory for me. My stepson is all excited at the thought of me moving because he is going to college there in the fall. I am to text him the 'minute I know'. He is getting nervous for college; it is so cute. I went to his last stage play last week, and he was so good! I think he will do just fine.

So, I am hiring a gardener. Screw it. I just don't have time. My elderly neighbors gave me the name of theirs, so I'm just going to do it. Not only that, but if I have to sell the house, I need it looking decent. I am replacing the rotted fence in the next week or two and looking into new carpet since the dogs have destroyed it. I swear I am going to get them doggie diapers!

Well, that's about it for now. Have no idea what I'm doing for the weekend. I don't know what to do with a weekend off! LOL!

It's Official!

A very, VERY good day! The company I work for got FDA approval today (in the news) and officially went commercial! This means great things; I will go into detail some other time. Things are changing rapidly for me (and going to change more) so I'm just trying to keep my head above water.

Up and Running Again

The TV guy just left; he was here for TWO hours! Apparently, everything was toast. I'm up and running now though! Yay! Now I just have to remember all the shows I watch so I can set up my recording stuff. That will take a day.

I've been multi-tasking all day. Working on VPN, doing laundry, supervising TV guy, ordered a pizza, ran the dish washer and kept the dogs at bay. Everyone keeps calling me, so the phone has been ringing off the hook too. SHEESH.

I really thought I knew what busy was, but lately I have learned a whole new kind of crazy/insane.

Lou's Birthday and a Tattoo Idea.

Happy Birthday to Louie! My big boy is 11 (77 in dog years). He is my grumpy little old man. LOL.

Need to do a cover-up job on part of my tattoo because I'm stupid. Maybe something like this.

Looks like I have a pretty good chance of getting my big promotion and moving. Most likely to California, but I haven't ruled out Dallas if I don't get this one. I would have no mortgage and a pool in California, though! Wow, life is really changing, kind of weird. I had this idea of what my life was going to be like once, I'll never make that mistake again! I should know within a month or so.

OMG the world almost came to end tonight.

I turned my TV on, and no signal. Reset it, unplugged it and plugged it back in, did everything I knew how to do. Nothing. I know the bill is paid. So, I went to my computer to get online to get Direct TV's number. NO INTERNET. WTF? Did an EMP hit my house? Spent an hour trying to diagnose the problem. Gave up and called my ISP. A 30-minute wait to talk to an agent. Wanting to kill someone at this point. Gave up after 10 minutes and decided to take my modem apart and put it back together. That worked! Hallelujah!! Went online to get 24-hour tech support for TV. Spent an hour online with them and got nowhere. CRAP. The earliest they can have a guy out is WEDNESDAY. This means I miss "24" AND "LOST". NOO! PLUS, I have to work from home on Wednesday to be here. Hopefully my boss will let me. Good grief. At least my crackberry is working. Lord have mercy.

I hate it when I can't sleep.

I guess I can go in late tomorrow if I have to with all the hours I've been working. I worked about 5 hours today on site. 14 days in a row now.

I've been listening to music tonight since I have no TV. Just daydreaming and relaxing. Got caught up on some of my personal computer work, too.

I'm getting my tattoo changed. Finally. I'm not looking forward to the pain though, it HURTS. It is right on the ankle bone, so it is a big OUCH. I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow. It's time.

Freedom has its advantages.

My mom and I were talking and we are finding that we are enjoying doing what we want, going where we want, talking to who we want, buying what we want, watching what we want and seeing who we want! Just being who we are! I like it. I'm finding out a lot about myself, it is interesting. The future looks bright and exciting!

Enjoying the moment, the present. Anyone want to join me? I am never going to put myself down again! I'm awesome! LOL.

Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend.

Remember that "Loverboy" song from the 80's? LOL! I have it in my head.

I'm at work waiting for people to get things to me so I can edit them. Taking a little lunch break to blog in order to appease my readers. There are so many things happening right now (can't talk in detail yet) and my head is spinning. My life could be in for another major change, a really positive one, I think. Regarding my career, I'm meeting with someone next week to discuss a possible transfer/promotion, which would be out of state. I will talk more about it once I know more, don't want to jump the gun here. I have decisions to ponder, people to talk to and arrangements to make, but it is all very exciting. These things take time of course, so nothing is going to happen quickly, but I am optimistic and excited, nonetheless.

For the month of May I am going to concentrate on getting some repairs done on the house and finish the painting. These things need to be done whether I stay or go, so no time like the present. I haven't been on any more dates or been talking online to anyone seriously. I'm taking a break from it and concentrating on other things. I occasionally get emails and hellos, but that is about it. The one guy I recently went on a date with keeps in touch, but we haven't discussed another date yet. I've been sick and super busy though, so that is probably why. I'm still holding out for my fairy tale. That happens, right? PFFFT!

A month and a half until my 2-week vacation! Woohoo! Oh, that's another thing, if this move happens for me, I will have enough money to start doing some of the traveling I've always wanted to do! Wouldn't that be COOL? Well, I think so. :-) I've certainly paid my dues!

Things are getting VERY interesting around here!

Sorry I've been a blog slacker; I'm working 7 days a week right now and still fighting this virus or whatever it is. I haven't been able to sit down and write with the whirlwind of activity going on and the possibilities surrounding me at the moment. I promise to write about it sometime tomorrow morning, OK? I know you are on the edge of your seat.

Fun Book

First, a reader of mine now has her own blog, so let's hear it for "A Green Guitar"! There is also a link on her site that I have been stalking called "June Bug on a String", which is a great site also!

I am suddenly inspired to read this book because, well, it will be obvious why:

"Divorce is never easy, and fortysomething Nikki finds herself unwillingly thrust into a major identity crisis. She was happy being a housewife and mother in an upscale neighborhood of Colorado Springs and thought all was well until her husband takes off, and the family house blows up. As she slowly comes out of the fog of divorce, Nikki realizes she needs a job and a place to live, then has to face the clash with her old way of life: her fancy friends can't understand her waitress job: they eat in restaurants, they don't work in them. Nikki veers away from her now strained relationships, makes new friends, and enters the world of dating. As Nikki tries to find herself, her old dream of making perfume as a business instead of a hobby infuses her with purpose, but is she willing to take a risk? With great insight Samuel explores the many problems facing newly divorced women and offers hope and inspiration in the form of one gutsy heroine. Patty Engelmann Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved. "

The part that says "and the family house blows up" just made me laugh. That seems so appropriate to me at this point in my life. Now, I wasn't a housewife, mother (except my stepson) or "upscale" by ANY means, but the starting over and taking risks inspires me. I am currently in the middle of going in a completely new direction. I am applying for positions at my company's new sites, which are all out of state. We will see what happens.

I need to be well now.

I'm tired of being sick. I've had a sore throat for a week. That's not normal, is it? I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Very, very overwhelmed.

Food and Mowing Woes

Did some work remotely on my laptop today because I just didn't feel like driving in. I pulled the Friday night and Saturday night shifts (and I'm on salary), so they can deal with it. I also mowed the front lawn and picked some weeds. My body hates me right now. The stupid lawn mower is a huge pain in the ass. The grass gets all mucked up in it, and then it dies. I empty the bag and have to clean it out about every 20 steps. It's maddening! THEN it takes approximately 15 minutes to get the damn thing restarted. My neighbor felt sorry for me and came and helped. I was close to tears after I ran out of cuss words. LOL. Got it done, though, and yay me! The picture of me is right before I started mowing. Yes, I mow in pig tails. That has to be the dumbest picture of me ever, but oh well. I'm starting to show my age. Shit.

The other pictures are of my diet food that I had tonight (marsala chicken, green beans and carrots) and the dinner I had last night of spicy shrimp with my mom at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I only ate about 5 bites of the refried beans. My cholesterol has to be about a million with all the shrimp I eat. The real tragedy here though is that I love to cook, and I never do it anymore. I microwave my diet food or go out. One of these days when I have a spare 20 minutes, I should make something nice. However, it just seems pointless anymore.

I still have a sore throat and a cough. Mercy.

I need a bed for my office.

Since I pretty much LIVE THERE. I wish I could bring the doggies with their little doggie beds, too. Of course, they frown on that in medical facilities. Bah!

So here is my office with the TV-size monitor and yes, I keep it THAT dark. I HATE fluorescent lighting; it gives me headaches. Dark is calming and soothing in a crazy and frustrating environment. Shut up about the pizza, salad and root beer to the right, it was free, OK? I worked Friday night and on Saturday for 5 hours and I have to go in tomorrow. UG. At least I'm needed. 

I am feeling better today, just tired with a slight sore throat. I did cough all night long, though, so I am not getting enough rest. If it keeps up, I PROMISE to go to the doctor and get cough medicine.

One more thing. I am very proud of my mother. We were driving today, her at the wheel, and I was giving her crap about her driving.

Me: (holding onto the ceiling of the truck for stability) "Are we late for something?"
Mom: No, this is just how I drive.
Me: Why don't you slow down a bit?
Mom: Why don't you shut the fuck up?

The apple doesn't far fall from the tree. LOL.

Deathly ill.

So yesterday I couldn't keep any food down and my chest hurt so bad I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and almost went to the emergency room. I left work a little early and everyone was pissed that I drove home. (I'm stubborn). My blood pressure was way up too because I was freaked. Today I'm not having chest pains, but my throat hurts so bad I can barely swallow. Had soup for dinner after I got home at 9 frigging PM from work. You see when I get deathly ill, work is insanely busy and everyone is on vacation. I'm on call tomorrow night and have to go in over the weekend. I am the only one to cover so if I'm conscious, I have to go. Lucky me. Gah.

Meeting at Headquarters

So tonight, a lady I work with asked for a ride and in exchange said she would buy me a drink to thank me. I said OKAY! On the way she made a few calls to see if some of our other coworkers wanted to join, but all she said to each one was, "Meeting at Headquarters". I've now learned that a local bar and grill is "headquarters" and many of my coworkers who live downtown apparently have frequent "meetings" there. LOL. This was my first meeting. We were the only two girls, and a few other guys came several minutes later. Now mind you, these are all scientists and technical people, so they drink a lot but talk shop. Before I wanted to stab my eye with a fork, I decided to "liven up" the conversation. I have a few tricks. I made an "L" with my thumb and index finger, raised it up and said, "Did you know that the length of a man's penis can be determined by length from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his index finger?" What ensued next was absolutely hysterical and works EVERY TIME. ALL the men made their "L" at the SAME TIME and intently stared at it. Some started comparing their "L's" and I heard quite a few, "That's CRAP!" and "There is NO WAY that is true!" statements. To one of the guys I said, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." ROFLMAO! Consequently, we had the attention of the entire place as I laughed until tears were coming out of my eyes. I can't help it. This went on for at least 20 minutes, I shit you not. The women at the place were all laughing and putting THEIR "L's" up to their forehead; the signal for "Loser". This is quite entertaining.

A short time later I brought up some trivia that started an hour long conversation carnival. I said "You know, I found out the other day that the definition of Sodomy includes oral sex." This really freaked them out. "WHAT? NO! IT DOES NOT!" I told them to look it up. They all got out their iPhones and Blackberries and whatnot and LOOKED THE DEFINITION UP. One guy actually used the voice command to look up the definition on his phone, so yes, he spoke this into his phone IN PUBLIC, and loudly because it was a noisy place, "DEFINITION FOR SODOMY". OMG, I freaking ROLLED. They discovered in fact, that I was right, and things were just too much fun after that.

Needless to say, I am now the CEO at headquarters and am required to attend every meeting. ;-) Oh and I didn't have to pay for a thing.

The opposite of a rant.

So I went on a rant, then I deleted it, now I will be silly. This is a picture of me with wet hair getting ready for work, and Lou and Mags pretending they are aliens. Lou with his green Jedi-eye trying to mind trick me into feeding him steak instead of kibble.

Nothing special going on. My coworker/office roommate left for Hawaii today. Bitch. I've got kind of cold or flu going on and a really annoying cough. That's it. Bye.

I deleted the freaky post.

To my two commentors, I say this:

You both are extremely kind and I am honored to have you as readers! Thank you for your thoughts. It is true, I am in the middle of a healing process. I only deleted your comments because they wouldn't make sense now, not because I didn't like them.

To everyone that read it and did not comment:

I hope I didn't freak you out or piss you off. ;-)

To everyone that did not read it and is now confused:

I wrote a post at 1:30 in the morning and aired too much of my own dirty laundry. I wanted to vent (about myself, no other people were mentioned) and be honest about the "real me" when I needed to first consider how it might come across. It seems from comments that people appreciate my honesty, but I think I freaked my mom out. LOL.

It felt good to spew all that onto the table, but for the sake of safety and privacy I decided to pull it for now. Good therapy for myself, though.

Back to the old grind.

I had my nice date, then spent time with my mom on Sunday, but now it's back to the same old crap. My empty little life. I still have the "What now?" questions; those certainly don't go away in a day. Neither do the dirty dishes, the laundry or the yard work. I'm looking out at my way-overgrown grass, and I REALLY don't feel like dealing with it. I think I might give up cable to hire a gardener. Well, maybe not. I think without the computer and the TV, I would just sit here and stare at the wall. How sad.

Best Date Ever

If you are not excited, feeling blah and expecting nothing, you will have a fabulous date! So, as you can see, I was less than thrilled and all pissy last night. I woke up this morning trying to be positive, however, and got myself dressed and pretty, but not too pretty. The drive across the mountains was GORGEOUS. The sun was shining and despite the storm, and there was no snow on the road. We met in a park in Leavenworth around noon. I figured I would just shake his hand, but instead he delivered me a big, genuine hug and told me it was great to finally meet me in person. He was more handsome than his profile picture and he gained some big points with his compliments to me. We walked and talked for a bit, then decided to go to lunch. It turned into a 3-hour lunch! Not only is he kind and very intelligent, but he is also fascinating! A firefighter, an EMT, part of search and rescue, a skier, a rock climber - a very interesting man! There was never one moment of uncomfortable silence, and I've never had such great conversation. When the bill came, I didn't know what to do, I reached for my purse and shyly told him that I had no idea what the dating "rules" were these days and was perfectly willing to contribute my share. He laughed and said he had no idea what he was doing either (he is divorced after a long marriage also) and said, "But I do know I am paying for lunch." Very sweet. After lunch we shopped for a bit; I was on a mission to find a particular "sauce dip". He was very cute in helping me on the hunt. I told him I would spare him the hunt for a cute pair of earrings! LOL! We decided to sit and have some coffee (which he also insisted on paying for) and we talked for another 2 hours. I kept saying I had to go, but we kept getting into a new conversation. Finally, I looked down at my phone and it was getting late, and I HAD to go. I said that we would talk all night if I didn't go now! He smiled and agreed. He walked me to my car, and we said our goodbyes. He was a perfect gentleman. He opened doors for me and never made me feel like I was being "sized up". Such a pleasant surprise! I believe we will see each other again.

I can't figure myself out.

And I've known myself a long time! LOL!

You'd think I'd be all excited for my date tomorrow, but I'm like, meh. I was excited, but I think my subconscious knows it is probably futile. He is such a nice guy, but I'm just so damn picky. I'm sure it will be fun, but I have zero expectations of anything anymore. I laugh to myself thinking I'm going to go from being "CrazyDogMama", to "CrazyOldDogWoman" whom the children in the neighborhood are afraid of. HA. I'm starting to not really care about the dating thing anymore. It's stupid. It's like trying to convince people you are "worthy" or something. Screw that. I'm too old to put on airs, play games or be on my best behavior. Maybe I'm just in a crap mood, I don't know. I'm even sick of talking to people online. NY guy said "Where did you go? I haven't talked to you in two days!". I guess I'm feeling like what's the fucking point. There have only really been two people I was truly interested in; one wasn't real (and I don't mean my ex), and the other is a pipe dream. There is fantasy, and then there is reality. Reality ain't so great. And then of course there are the guys I'm not the least bit interested in that won't leave me alone. Figures.

Okay, maybe I'm a little grouchy, but seriously, what now? Work. Sleep. Eat. Yippee. I'm getting my life together and all, you know, working on myself, that sort of thing, but I keep saying to myself, "What next?" Got a career, check. Losing weight, check. Getting my financial situation in control (slowly), check. Interact with my friends on a regular basis, check. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't seem satisfying. I dream of finding love, but another person doesn't make you happy, YOU have to make YOU happy first. I know that. But what is happy? What is content? Something is missing. It always has been.

My theme song right now.

'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' by Israel Kamakawiwo. What a great song. It makes me happy and perfectly describes how I'm feeling, even the melody. Think of me when you listen to it.

Men are funny.

Okay, this post is going to seem kinda vain or something, but seriously, stuff like this does NOT normally happen to me and I have to share because it was so funny and it made me feel good. If I record the little things, then when I'm feeling bad about myself, I can always come back and read stuff like this and feel better.

So I'm sitting at a stop light on the way home today. To my left, a truck was stopped at the adjacent light directly facing me. I was thinking about something that suddenly made me smile, and I happened to glance over at the truck while I was smiling. Inside the cab were two very nice-looking guys. Somehow the driver's eyes and mine met, and when they did he smiled back and kinda waved. I was taken aback and smiled bigger and waved also. (I did not know him.) His light changed and he was making a right away from me, but as he was turning, he kept looking at me and almost slammed into oncoming traffic! He overcorrected quickly and there was no accident (Thank God!), but I busted up in laughter. I've never almost caused an accident before! LOL! I'm definitely not "all that", but just the fact that I caught a man's attention like that just made my whole day. There's hope for me yet!

The questions kids have.

So, my stepson calls me today. This is not unusual, in fact we've gotten very close since my divorce, but he called while I was at work (instead of texting) so I was concerned when I couldn't answer. I discreetly texted him back quickly to make sure everything was ok. Usually, he calls to tell me he got a part in a play, or wants to go out for dinner, or something like that, but this is what he called about today:

"Me and BJ found a muffler. Can we sell it?"

LOL! Crazy kid. Then he wanted to know if they could come raid my fridge. Have you ever had ravenous teenage boys raid your fridge? Yeah.

Right now, I'm catching up on "Modern Family" and eating Velveeta right out of the box. THAT can't be good. Shit.

One more thing. It is supposed to snow 2 feet in the mountains the next few days and be extremely stormy. I have a date on Saturday that requires me to drive right through it. Neat. Murphy's Law. It hasn't snowed all fucking winter.

The QUEEN

I am the Queen. Here is proof. My coworkers provided this for me.

DO NOT FORGET IT.

Easter, a 7.2 Earthquake, and Steak and Lobster

OK, well, Happy Easter to everyone first of all. Over at my mom's for the weekend with the pups.

Just got a text from my friend Cathy who works at Disneyland, and she said there has been a series of quakes in Cali today, the most recent a 7.2 out of Baja (Mexi-Cali). I guess it lasted 20 or 30 seconds and was a "rolling" quake, which is unusual for California, they usually have "jolting" quakes. Everyone is saying it was big and major all the way up to the LA area. I tried calling my new friend Danny in Rancho Cucamonga, but I can't get a hold of him. (He is the one I am going to Disneyland with, in June.) As most of you know I study earthquakes but have not had the time recently to keep up. With the one in Chile and now this, guess it wasn't a good time for a break! Sheesh! Hope everyone is OK. I don't know if I've ever said why I am so interested in earthquakes, but back when I was in college a good friend of our family, Johnny, who used to babysit me when we lived in California, was killed in the big Northridge quake. He was underneath the freeway when it collapsed. I remember watching it on TV and then the call came in from my mom telling me what happened. I was working at the time.

Anyway, my mom and I are starting a new Easter tradition this year being that it is just the two of us. No ham, no lamb, but steak and lobster baby! Maybe I'll take a picture later.

Stay safe if you are in Southern California.

April 3, 2010

Exactly two years ago today, my life changed forever. It wasn’t one of those kinds of events like the birth of child, or a wedding or anything like that, but it was very significant for me. You see, it was an ordinary day. A typical day where I was all comfy-cozy hiding inside myself. Hiding there trying to survive the best I could. Then, suddenly and without warning, someone came along and opened my door and let me out, never to return to that dark and lonely place where I was dying. I don’t think they have any idea what they did, or perhaps they even believed they did me harm. But the truth is, if they hadn’t come along and let me out, I would never have survived some of the events that were to come my way the next two years. Actually, I truly believe the Lord had His hand in this, and used this person as a vessel, or a test, even. Nothing that has happened to me was a direct result of their influence, but because of them, I was able to see things a little differently, and most importantly, I thought of myself differently during extremely difficult times. It’s funny how you don’t see life-changing events coming and may not even see them when they are happening, but when you look back, you see a lot. So, today, I want to thank them. If you are out there in cyberspace somewhere “KS”, thank you. You changed me. I hope you are well. A part of me is doing well, because of you. Bet you didn’t know.

Hyphenated

So, remember that post where I gave the link to the website called "Shit My Dad Says"? Well, I think I need one for my mom! Seriously. She is the most creative person I know when it comes to the English language. We went to dinner at "Oddfellow's Grill" tonight (I took a pic for you, how nice of me), and had a lovely time. When we got back to her place, she kept running back and forth getting things and spilling coffee, kind of like a confused, spastic waitress, and when I asked her for something she said, "Stop it, you're getting me all hyphenated!"

Hyphenated? LOL!

It was a dark and stormy night.

Thunder, lightning and mega rain tonight! Love it! I have all the lights out except my laptop (with surge protector on!) and the dogs are at my feet. It is cool; makes a great ambiance for the storm!

WOW, I had some drama today. (I HATE drama.) Remember that guy I turned down for a date? (I think I blogged about it.) Anyway, he caught me online tonight and struck up an instant message chat. It started out OK, but then he got all pissed off that I turned him down! He actually cyber-yelled at me, got all huffy and signed off. Isn't that sad? Sheesh. I'm thinking I made the right choice there. LOL!  In other news, I was asked out by a different man (the one East of the Mountains that I mentioned) and I said "Yes!". That's right! Crazydogmama has a date! As much as I can tell so far, he is a kind, gentle, intelligent man who writes and expresses himself well, is super sweet and been through similar circumstances as myself. He is both a part time Firefighter and EMT. Anyway, not this weekend because of Easter, but the weekend after we are meeting for coffee. I'm looking forward to it!

I went in late today to work because of all the hours I worked this weekend, then went home early to take a nap. Gotta like that! Of course, now I'm wide awake. Sometimes I wonder about my brain or lack of one.

My day. Not that you care.

It's funny, who cares about some stranger's day? But I read lots of blogs and personally LOVE reading about other people's days! It is a strange phenomenon I guess, but I think it is cool to see how other people get through life. You get ideas, laugh, cry and empathize. You get to know people. Being that I mostly work long hours and live alone, the internet has been a great tool for me to communicate with people and not isolate.

Today I worked pretty much all day on the computer. I got a little frustrated because everything I tried to work on had some sort of problem, but I was productive, and I feel good about my progress. Hopefully I scored some points with the big dogs who can give me more money! I broke down and ordered a pizza and got to expense it to the company, gotta love THAT! It gave me a major tummy ache though, and it came back up. GROSS. I guess now that I have been eating super healthy for 7 or so weeks now, my system rejects grease and fat. Yay? I made some tea and ate one of my Bistro MD meals and I feel fine now. Been intermittently doing laundry, did the dishes and was going to mow the lawn but it started raining. Thank God. Now I'm catching up on blogging, emails and am actually going to finish my ironing before bed. A year ago, I would have never done all of that in one day! Go ME! I didn't get my exercise in today, though. Bad me. I'm going to run stairs tomorrow at work though with my friend Jenny. There is a big stairwell that goes down to the parking garage and we like to run up down until we feel dizzy. Silly, huh?

Anyway, gotta get to the ironing and get some shut-eye. Sorry for the boring blogging this weekend. Hopefully something exciting will happen this week to post about.

Twist of Thinking

At first, I thought "This weekend sucks". Yesterday I cleaned out the garage and made a huge dump run, then spent the next four hours trying to sleep a headache off, then worked until 2 am doing work from home on my laptop because we have part of a project launching on Monday. Today, I have to do some more work from home and then do laundry/vacuuming, etc. But then I started really thinking about things and changed my mind about my feelings on not having "fun" on the weekend. I am blessed to have a job, and a GOOD one. Most people I know right now are either unemployed or struggling big time with money. I have a roof over my head that I'm able to pay for. Three homes in my neighborhood just went into foreclosure. When I started thinking like that, my whole attitude changed, and I am even more productive now!

A Lovely Evening

I spent a lovely evening with myself. Well, myself and the fuzzy freaks. :-) Traffic was hell, but once I got home, I got into my comfy clothes, had some dinner, fed the pups and put my feet up. I watched an older movie that I love (Moonstruck) with Louie sprawled across my lap and Maggie at my feet. It was peaceful and relaxing and I felt happy. It's not that I never feel happy, it is just that this time I took note of it and appreciated it for what it was. I lived in the moment, I guess you would call it. It wasn't an especially exciting or what you would normally call a memorable moment, but I just stopped and took it in. I was warm and full and pleasantly entertained. Thought I would share.

Back to crazy BS tomorrow. LOL

FUCKER

This needs an explanation, yes I know. Well, my coworker (who shares an office with me), "R", thinks that the way I say "Fucker" is hilarious so she RECORDED me saying it on her cell phone. Now she plays the soundbyte all day long and laughs. BTW, she is 48 years old. She says I'm going to be famous some day and everyone will have this .wav file on their computer. She is so funny.

People Are Crazy

You know, since I've started this "dating" thing (if you want to call it that), I swear I am a freak magnet. Now, I haven't been at it very long, granted, but DAMN. Not that I'm completely normal, but seriously, there are some very strange people out there. It is hard just to find someone to have a decent conversation with! CONVERSATION! It does give me entertainment; I'll give it that. I've pretty much cut off everyone I've talked about on here for one reason or another except NY guy. We talk every day, but decided we will just be friends, and if he moves here, or I move there, we will be BEST friends. He is crazy too, but he makes me laugh. He told me today that I was the nicest person he'd ever talked to. Aww.

I had an old friend from Highschool contact me through Facebook and we email quite a bit and will probably meet up some time, but I think he got back together with his girlfriend. He is super-hot and has a good job, but I'm not thinking anything more than friends, at least for now. A new guy started calling me who lives East of the mountains I live in, and we have some decent conversation, but I don't know, we'll see. He sounds really nice, and he said he felt we had some "chemistry", so who knows. No one seems to quite fit the bill, but of course this kind of thing takes lots of time. Maybe it won't ever happen, who is to say? But it is still early in the game. Gotta go through 1000 weirdos before you find the right weirdo. I'm almost there! LOL. (Kidding.)

It seems like every day something new or strange happens, although this week has been boring as hell and I'm broke. I hate being broke, it makes me nuts.

Oh, I almost forgot, I'm down 28 pounds so far! Going strong! Not giving up!

If I were ever to get married again.

Even though it doesn't seem possible to me to find real love with as messed up as my life is, if I ever did, I would want to get married on a beach like this one. A teeny tiny little ceremony, barefoot in the sand with a wispy, soft white sundress on. Paradise. Ah, to dream. If you are going to fantasize and dream, I say DREAM BIG!

Working out with dogs.

So have you ever tried to work out at home with 2 dogs who love attention? It is an adventure.

Push-ups: Lick your face and crawl underneath you.
Sit-ups: Lick your face and crawl up on your stomach.
Squats: Bring out their toys and drop them in front of you, patiently waiting for you to reach down and throw them after each squat.
Lunges: Get in your way so you fall over.
Kicks: Bark at you.
Stretching: Bring the ball and drop in your laugh and whine.
Step-ups: Drop the ball in front of you so you trip over it.
Cool down: Pee on the floor.

AAAARGG!

Favorites Today

OK, this is not going to be a "Friday" thing I do, it is going to be a whenever-the-hell-I-want-to thing I do. LOL. I can't stick to a routine to save my life!

So here is the "favorite things" list for today.

The Yankee Candle air freshener for the car; scent "Sun and Sand". Smells like the beach! Suntan oil and hot, warm sand. Love it! Purchased at Fred Meyer (Kroger's).

Quicken 2010. Personal Finance made easy. This is the coolest program ever for getting your "Shit Together"! Purchased at Costco for $39.99, but had a $20 off coupon, so got it for $19.99. Worth every penny!

Nighty night.

The Pursuit of Happyness

Well, it's a good thing I told myself not to get too excited. Gah. Another day, another disappointment. Shocker.

I finally watched "The Pursuit of Happyness" (great movie) and the main guy (Will Smith) said something to his son like "Just go after what you want until you get it. PERIOD." It is a great saying and I believe you can apply it to jobs/success, etc. but, it doesn't work for everything. I'm still hoping I have a chance for something in particular that I didn't get that I REALLY want, but it's not really something I have control over. I know that doesn't make sense, but it would if I explained it. Maybe I will someday if I get the guts.

I didn't just see that.

Well, something potentially really good may be happening to me, but I'm not going to get too excited yet because, well, its MY life and I also don't want to sabotage it by talking about it too early or being presumptuous. I will just see how it goes. :-)

I'm at my mom's and I actually got her to watch a horror movie with me! The weird thing is SHE used to be a horror film fanatic and is the one who got me started on them when I was little! NOW, she has decided she doesn't like them anymore. We are watching "High Tension", a pretty gruesome little flick with a hell of a twist. (I've seen it before.) My mom cracks me up. We just saw a "gross" scene and she said out loud, "I didn't just see that." LOL!

Eat, sleep, work?

I really don't know what to do. I am so tired ALL the time. Lately I just have zero energy. The doctor is messing with my meds again to try and fix me. I guess I don't sleep well, but something is going to have to give. I have to go to work, I have to do the household chores, I have to take care of the dogs, I have to exercise, blah, blah, blah. I do make time for fun, but it is sad when my "fun" is taking naps and doing nothing. Is this all there is to life? Eat, sleep, work? I surely hope not.

My Whiteboard

Sometimes the senior person should take the grunt work upon themselves. I have a really good attitude about it too. LOL!

This is my whiteboard assignment of who's doing what at work, so if anyone asks about something in particular, we know who to send them to. Our "workflows" are documents that need revisions, and each is assigned a number. "Admin" workflows are the tedious unimportant ones that no one wants to do.

Slacker Extraordinaire

I'm behind. I'm a slacker. I know. I will catch up soon, OK? I have so much going on and I can't catch my breath.

Miss me? (If you go to comments and say, "Yes", I will update sooner and better with more details. If not, you'll get minimal effort on my part.) A little incentive. That is all.

Hot Tub, Candles, Wine, and BFF

Ahhhhhhhh. Hot tubs ROCK.