Alive and Dead at the Same Time

I have so many bruises I lost count. My leg has a two-inch gash. I am experiencing sleep deprivation, and because of it I started crying uncontrollably at therapy today for no good reason. I have had a new therapist for quite a while, this time a male therapist, and I tell you what, he is AWESOME. He has a very different approach and gives a ton of feedback. He is not one of those useless therapists that just sit there. He is very direct with me, and I LOVE it. The truth. No bullshit. When I started crying and couldn't tell him why he asked me how much sleep I've been getting. I told him 3 to 4 hours a night for about a month now. He said, "Well no wonder!", handed me a Kleenex and told me not to get snot on the couch. LOL!  He cracks me up. I actually started with this new therapist not to "fix me" emotionally, but to help me find direction for my life. It appears to be working. A promotion into management, a big move, and I am actually moving forward and not dwelling on the past. If you live in the past, history will keep repeating itself and I DON'T WANT THAT. I am actually making big decisions and not looking back. Thrusting ahead with a vengeance. Only problem is, it's KILLING ME physically. My poor body. Every second of my day is taken up with something that MUST get done. It will soon slow down (a little), but I seriously can't wait to get the fuck outta here. I used to love Washington but am now just completely tired of it. 32 years here. Long enough. Yes, I am leaving clean air and beautiful trees/mountains/lakes, but I don't care anymore. The beach, the pool and the sun sound pretty damn good right now. I'll deal with the smog, the taxes and the bankrupt state of California for a while and like it! Getting a huge raise and no longer paying two mortgages will put me in a no-stress financial situation. I have NO IDEA what that is like, but I can't WAIT to find out. I might actually GET to Bora Bora, and not have to hock a kidney to do it.

Okay, THERE, I blogged.