A New Kind of Tired

I have found a new kind of tired. A kind that goes beyond no sleep. I don't know how I drive to work some days. It must be autopilot. At a certain time of night, things get blurry and fuzzy - even with glasses on. Things are getting that way right now and I promised someone something for work tomorrow. I can't do it. I hope I can get up early and get it done because I am a woman of my word.

 
It would be so much easier to be a lying, unethical slacker. Damnit! Some say I push myself way too hard, but that is who I am.

Insomnia

2 am. Awake. Neat.

Fall has arrived.

It looks like a tornado ripped through the neighborhood. We are having a nice little windstorm, and of course it is trash day. There is trash EVERYWHERE, rolling cans, knocked over fences, and tree branches and shrubbery. The dogs are non-stop barking. Which is nice. UG. They are pacing the perimeter of the house as if they are protecting me from monsters, it is kinda cute. My little ankle-biters. Actually, Louie has huge teeth and can snap a bone in half, not your usual "little" dog. He is a little tank. I'm so worried about him though. Did I tell you he has something wrong with his spine? I noticed him wobbling a little on his back legs one day and took him to the vet. They did the thing where they flip the paw over and see if the dog flips it back, and he didn't! It is nerve damage. (That was the day I sobbed at the vet.) They have him on pain management meds and some kind of powder that lubricates his joints, and he seems to be doing well, but I see him deteriorating from the puppy I knew, and it KILLS me. I'm not going to handle this well, I can tell. He is fine for now, though, and I HAVE to concentrate on that.

I don't know what to do with myself tonight. I don't feel like watching TV, I am NOT going to work, and now I've blogged. What do I do? Clean? Pffft. Maybe I'll read.

Appreciate the Little Things

I'm not going to post the pictures I took of the house I looked at. The house was great, but it is not reality for me. At least not right now. It is a pipe dream due to my sordid past. I simply can't afford it at this time. The backyard was HUGE, a wooded forest was its neighbor. I could put TWO pools back there! The dogs would be in rolling Heaven. The master bath had a beautiful big soaker tub and two sinks. I can barely fit my toothbrush holder and the soap dish on my master bathroom counter. It had a fireplace with a mantle that I could decorate with pine garland, stockings and candles at Christmas. I have no fireplace. All stupid things to you, I'm sure, but it seems so luxurious to me. It's the little things I appreciate, like tile in the front walkway. It's OK. Some day. I'm just going to be happy with what I have for now.

That makes me think. Appreciating the little things. Let's make a list, shall we? You can contribute to the list too, if you like.

Things I appreciate:

1. When someone says something nice to me, and they actually mean it.
2. When I smile and someone smiles back.
3. When my favorite foods go on sale.
4. Those rubber thingees that help you open jars. (Ever since I fractured my wrist, I just have the hardest time with that.)
5. An unexpected surprise. (The good ones, not like when you get in your car and it won't start.)
6. When my dogs pee OUTSIDE.
7. Candles that burn ALL the way down to nothing.
8. Baristas that care about their job, and therefore make the best coffee.
9. Watching something nice happen to someone.
10. Someone with a good sense of humor.
11. Reading a good blog post, there are so many of you out there!
12. When someone appreciates me back.
13. All the people who listen to/read my B.S.
14. Good memories.
15. People who comment.
16. Good cheese, good wine.
17. A good antivirus program that doesn't slow down your computer.
18. Fast internet connections.
19. When someone knows when to leave me the hell alone, and someone who knows when to not.
20. A coworker in a good mood.
21. Great hand lotion.
22. Fiesty people.
23. Fiesty dogs.
24. A heart in the right place.
25. A hand in the wrong place. (Sorry, couldn't help it.)
26. A good massage.
27. Good conversation.
28. Good meat.
29. Bending the rules.
30. Aleve.
31. Taking a chance, and it being worth it.
32. When someone believes me.
33. When someone believes IN me.
34. Naps. Naptime should be mandatory in the workplace.
35. When a man takes control of the situation. (You know, in a good way.)

Things I DO NOT appreciate:

1. Verbal jabs.
2. Waking up and stepping in some sort of dog mess.
3. A half-assed job.
4. People who can't get over themselves.

3 things

1. The movie 2012 comes out the day after my birthday. It's like they made it just for me! I see shit like that in my dreams. It doesn't make for sound sleep. I can't wait for it though! And John Cusack is in it! Bonus! He is such a cutie. I'd marry him. I don't usually like high-action type films, but this is an exception because it is the whole doom's day thing, and you know me and global disaster stuff. Shut up, some people have more bizarre hobbies than me.

2. I'm going to look at a house today. I am thinking I want something with a little acreage. I have to stay in this state for now because I don't want to leave my job, but I'm sick of being on top of neighbors. I'll take pics.

3. I was thinking about getting a small tattoo that says "CrazyDogMama" because I will forever BE CrazyDogMama. The lettering would be gothic-ish and in black and red. I would put it in a low profile place. I also need to do something with my old one, but I don't know what.

Wake Up, Mom!

This is what I wake up to. I open my eyes, and there is a dog in my face requiring attention. You cannot ignore, or you are barked at and pawed, or licked to death. They are worse than kids.

Craptastic

I had a craptastic day. Everybody was irritating me and I'm a piss crank. I didn't get home from work until 9:30 and it is just too much. I'm not doing that anymore. Its not worth it.

I hate trucks!

Get out of the damn way! For some reason, traffic has gotten exponentially worse the last few weeks and it is STRESSING ME OUT. It doesn't seem to matter if I leave earlier. I'm cranky.

My fun night of realizing how old I am.

So me and some girly friends went out after work tonight to have some fun. We went and got pedicure/manicures (I now have orange toes for Halloween ~ ha!) and then went to a restaurant and had margaritas and appetizers. My margarita was NINE FUCKING DOLLARS and wasn't even top shelf! Now, it was good, but dang! When the waiter asked if I wanted a second one, I said NO. Annie's margarita was FOURTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS. It was about 3 inches taller than mine. The world has gone completely insane. Anyway, we all started getting tired and cranky at about 8 pm. Yep, getting old. Time for bed. Night.

Gran Torino

Okay, so Gran Torino was a great movie! Like Chele, I am also a Clint Eastwood fan, but this movie had some good substance to it. It was very moving and I also laughed my ass off! Good pick if you haven't seen it. My favorite Clint movies are now Gran Torino, Million Dollar Baby, Bridges of Madison County and The Unforgiven.

The pizza was so-so. I'm super picky.

Movie Time

I ordered a pizza and I'm watching "Gran Torino". I'll let you know what I think.

Swordfish Skewers

I haven't done any real cooking for a while and I found two recipes that I MUST try. The one pictured is swordfish skewers with cilantro mint pesto, and the other is shrimp and cashew curry. YUM.

Flashforward

So, has anyone been watching 'Flashforward'? I kinda dig it. I know you are shocked.

It's about how everyone in the world suddenly blacks for about 2 minutes and has a vision of six months into their future. Consequently, not all coming events are happy. It is an interesting concept. A of people have visions; I believe I've even had them, but the whole world collectively is another story all together. I'm glad they are making some new interesting programs.

I wish I could see 6 months into the future. Or do I?

Answer my own questions?

Bahaha! This should be fun. I have never known, and don't anticipate EVER knowing what the hell I'm doing. Just when I think I have things figured out, WHAM! That used to frustrate the crap outta me, but now I look at it as a life of surprises. Expect the unexpected. It keeps things interesting. Generally, I know what I want, but it keeps changing. The longer I live in the world, the more I have new experiences, and therefore to have concrete goals seems to be growth-stunting to me. Lose weight, get promoted, save for retirement, blah, blah, BLAH. I'm just doing the best I can with what I've got. Love the people around me. Help out when it is needed. Make people laugh. Eat chocolate and not feel guilty. Am I happy? Sometimes. Depends on the day. Regrets? Yes and no, everything that has gone on in my life has made me the person I am today. I'm not perfect, not even close, but I know who I am and I'm OK with it. If you like me, you like me, if you don't, you don't.

OK I'm starting to sound healthy or something. WTF? Maybe I'm just full of shit. LOL. I don't know. I know nothing. I'm fucked up in my own special way.

Questions

Do you ever wonder what the hell you are doing? Where are you going? In life, I mean. What are you working towards? Do you have any goals? If you meet them, then what? Or are you just trying to get through each day with no thought of what the future might bring? Do you care? Are you content with how things are? What do want? What do you really, REALLY want? Anything? How will you go about getting it? Are you trying?

Do you have regrets? Are you happy? If not, what would you change? Why do you think you are here?

Sad Movies

I recently watched 'Nights in Rodanthe' and balled my eyes out. Not the typical teary eyes when you watch a sad movie, but I was blowing freakin' snot bubbles. It was PATHETIC. What the hell? I even gave myself a headache. And the worst part? It was not the first time I've seen it! I'm not premenstrual, I'm not overly depressed, nor has anything particularly traumatic happened (lately). I just lost it. And I don't know why. This is not a usual occurrence for me, so I'm stumped.

This is why I like horror flicks. I can handle those.

Paranormal Activity

The very top seats at the Neptune. Holy shit, the line for ticket holders is a mile long! I haven't stood in line for a movie in 25 years!

Whoa, the last 15 minutes blows you away. Very disturbing. I don't get disturbed easily, but because of my experiences with the supernatural I was unnerved a bit.

Puny

Haven't been feeling up to par today, I'm a little on the puny side. I've been in bed off and on with a headache and a backache, and generally feeling tired. Everyone has been dropping like flies at work with a horrible flu, and I'm hoping, PRAYING I don't get it. Since I've slept all day, I'm sure I'll be up all night, so I'm going to see the midnight showing of "Paranormal Activity" at the Neptune in Seattle. That should be fun! Apparently, the place seats about 700 and it sold out last night. It is showing two nights only, last night and tonight, so it is being called an "event". I'll be there, will you?

Surprise Work Love!

Had quite a surprise today at work! My coworker and I have been working day, night and weekends to meet demands, and one of the departments we have been helping made us a big THANK YOU sign, and gave us each a box of chocolates, a coffee card, a spa gift certificate and made us a thank you card! Is that not sweet? I felt all warm and fuzzy. The VP even came by and gave us a special (expensive) designer blingy clip for either our glasses or badge. I'm feeling appreciated.

McD's and Sitcoms

OK I'm waaay too tired for an involved story. You'll have to wait on that one. I just worked 12 hours with a 3 hour round-trip commute. I also just ate a really stupid amount of McDonald's food and feel ill.

OMG I'm typing while I'm watching the new show "Modern Family" and its SLAYING me. I'm am so going to start saying "Chillax". That's 'chill' and 'relax' for you uncool people.

Bagels, Lox and Bat Socks!

Howz THAT for a title? Hee. I had a hankering for fresh salmon lox, and they are YUMMY. I also bought some vampire socks and bat socks, because, you know, I needed those.

People

I had this post in my head that I wanted to write, but now I've lost most it. I hate that. It was written well in my head, but now I fear it will sound discombobulated and stupid. Oh well, I guess I'll give it a shot anyway.

What I wanted to talk about is this:

The people you cross paths with, in life. We all come across many people, but every now and then someone comes along that has an impact on you. Someone that you never forget that either made you feel a certain way or did/said something that changed you forever. It could be as simple as a clerk in store, or someone you've become good friends with. Most of the time you forget or are unmoved by people, but occasionally an extraordinary one comes along. Usually, I've noticed, they have no idea about the impact they've had on you (unless you tell them). And so rarely we tell them, out of fear of sounding crazy. I know I have had this happen to me. I'm not sure if people come into your life for a reason or not (fate), but it sure feels like it sometimes, doesn't it? It is funny when I try to tell people that, they never believe it. Maybe it is that I have not had an impact on them, but they have on me. Who knows. All I know is that I would not be the same person I am today without these people. ANYWAY, I don't remember where I was going with this. I think I was trying to say that there are certain people who have had a major, life altering impact on my life and I don't think they know it. I just want to say thanks, because it was a good impact. The thanks will go unnoticed I'm sure, but it is my way of expressing my gratitude the only way I can. Maybe it was you!

I can only hope that somewhere, somehow, I have left a good impact on someone else.

Cheapies

I have 5 expensive pairs of sunglasses and one ten-dollar pair that I bought on the fly. Guess which are my favorite? That's right, the cheapola ones. Now, I'm the complete opposite with food and drink. I will order the biggest, best steak on the menu and the most expensive glass of red wine they have. So, if you take me to dinner you are screwed, but if you take me sunglasses shopping you are golden. Hahaha.

Hands on my hips.

Well don't all answer at once. Fuckers.

Try to get your mind around this.

I have a question. It is a scientific fact that humans are partially made up of energy. (Some believe this is the soul.) Energy does not 'die' and therefore must go somewhere once the human body dies. Whether or not you are religious, what is your explanation of where this energy goes?

Stars

Do you know what is really fucking retarded? Those little "rate it" stars on Yahoo Message Boards. It reminds me of when I used to get little stars on my name card in Elementary school. I would get them, then get them taken away for being silly. Imagine that. At work the other day my boss said, "You are passive-aggressive, no, aggressive-aggressive, no, obnoxious-aggressive.". Then I kicked her and told her she was a butt.

Yup, I'm gonna get a raise soon.

Earrings

I LOVE these earrings!

6 Things

1. My show (True Blood) is over for the season. I am bummed. I have to wait until friggin' June or something to see it again. WTF?

2. I'm watching reruns of 'The Big Bang Theory' which is quite possibly the best sitcom EVER.

 
3. I didn't get home from work until 8 pm. I feel a 60 hour week coming on.

 
4. My eyes hurt.

 
5. My dream last night almost made me fall out of bed. Maybe someday I will reveal some secret things about my dreams that might interest you.

 
6. I'm so tired I don't even feel like taking my clothes off.

Night night.

Sometimes I'm Serious

These kinds of posts have become far and few between lately. I've been posting about random daily things, purchased goods, fun in the sun and nonsensical BS. I don't get many public comments; my fans are mostly silent. I have, however, made some good friends through this venue and occasionally get emails with questions and conversation. Contrary to many other bloggers, I do not blog to obtain internet stardom or to feed my ego to see how many followers I can get. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate my readers and it does make me feel good when I get a comment or two. I am just not your average blogger, I guess, I am not here to impress or entertain anyone. Not really. I am no one; nothing. I'm an average Jane with a few quirks. There are so many others out there who are much better writers, more interesting people with more interesting lives. Some have this incredible witty sense of humor; others have a knack for piercing your heart or making you think.

There are many reasons I blog, I suppose, but mostly I blog because I enjoy it. Yes, it is a public diary of sorts, a mark in a small corner of the world, and it is a way of expressing yourself just to see how it changes over time. You have heard I'm sure, that the "internet is forever". Once you write something, or post a picture, it is out there for good, no matter if you try to delete or hide it. There is always a way for someone to dig it up or exploit it or whatever. That's OK. This is only a small part of my life. There are many things about me that the internet doesn't get to know; there are things only the physical people in my life get to see. Most of the time, the blogging world is just as lonely and phony as the real world. I know bloggers who get thousands of comments and have so many readers that they couldn't keep up if they wanted to. I don't really want that; it is too much. I would rather have a small following of real people who for whatever reason, like it here. Welcome.

I can be who I want here. You can join me and be who you want to be, too.

Blogging has opened up a whole world of getting to know all about the human race. Some of it is real, some of it is fake, but all in all I think it is great. Anyone can be published. You don't have to be super talented or accredited to write and be heard. You don't have to spend any money or wait for printing. This is all at your fingertips, at whatever minute you choose.

Sailing in Seattle!

Sailing is AWESOME! I had such a blast! It was a gorgeous day and sunset. We set sail at Pier 54 in Seattle on a racing sailboat right next to the "Ye Olde Curiosity Shop" where I had to buy sunglasses because I forgot mine. At one point we tipped at a 35-degree angle (pictured with foot) and it was groovy! We were served snacks and beverages (I had a beer!) and I seriously wish we could do this every Friday. Funniest story of the day: My friend going potty below as the boat goes sideways and over some pretty large swells. She came out and said, "Well that was interesting." LOL!

UNBELIEVABLE.

People are irrefutably stupid. Imagine this: You are driving around trying to find a restaurant, and you have to stop for directions. The person you ask says, "You can't get there from here." REALLY?

A bit much.

My mom said the leopard sunglasses were cute on me, but I thought they were a bit much. Of course, I, myself, am a bit much.

Get to go sailing this Friday with work friends, that should be a hoot! Never been before.

Always with the selfies in the car.

Random pics of me in the car. Neat.

So, for my Labor Day holiday, guess what I'm doing? I'm going over to my boss' house to work. WORK. I'm bringing up a bottle of wine, but still. We have a project that badly needs finishing, and we get too many interruptions at work. I don't know whether it is funny or sad. Let's go with funny.

Leavenworth Spending Spree

I have gone completely bonkers. Can you say spending spree? Holy crap. Here are some recent purchases I've made, and not even ALL of them! Retirement is overrated. Having a savings account? Right! Fuuuuuck. This is how I am justifying it: Over the last 15 years I have not pampered myself and, in fact, neglected and denied myself much. It has only been in the last year that I have started buying some cute clothes and accessories. I did get a camera awhile back, but really, I was too stressed, depressed and broke to do much else. I just didn't care about myself. I've come a long way, and currently I am the happiest I've been in I don't know how long. It's NICE. Now, don't get me wrong, I still have some challenges and issues to overcome, but I feel so much better about things. I know, I know, where the hell is CrazyDogMama and what I have I done with her. With all the crap I've been through, I'm going to soak this little break up!

OK, about the pics. I got some very tasty, and relatively inexpensive local red wine with a cool painted label, some super yummy jalapeño mustard and buffalo blue cheese dip, I finally found a square pillar candle to match my obsession with red, some really soft fuzzy leopard pillows (with a cute shot of Magadog posing in front of them), a jazzy, Fall-style, copper-metallic bling-bling hobo handbag, a leopard wallet (I am also obsessed with animal prints right now), magnets saying, "I used to care but now I take a pill for that" and "I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works" (which will be great for work), a fuzzy red rug to go in front of my kitchen sink that Louie has laid claim to, a blingy hat that says, "Just Add Wine" (perfect), a reptile print headband, a shiny hair clip, some fun earrings and a cool little key chain. Whew! It's like Christmas!

I'm enjoying work. Don't fall over.

Tired tonight. I worked from 8 am to 6 pm, went to dinner and didn't get back to the house until 11 pm. I was going to leave work early, but that didn't happen, everything gets dumped on my desk Friday afternoons. You know what is super strange, though? I'm enjoying work these days. I KNOW. Hell is frozen. I really like my co-workers, and the work is challenging and rewarding. Go figure! Since I spend most of my time there, I suppose it's a good thing. We have a good time, lots of laughing, just the way I like it. There are some really funny people there. I feel like I'm right where I belong.

Leavenworth, WA

Here are some pictures I took on our Leavenworth trip. Next, I'll take pictures of all my purchases, there were many! It has been a fun week even though I am back at work. My Godmother leaves Saturday morning. Poo. One more dinner out tomorrow, I'm thinking cheeses and wine! MMMMMM.

Kick Butt and Take Names

I was told today that I "kick butt and take names" by a coworker. They said it wasn't a joke and that I should be "more in charge" of things. I took this as a HUGE compliment. It was right after I went to a director and said, "Sign this". He asked what it was, I told him, then he said, "What if I don't want to sign it?" I said, "I don't care, I don't have all day, SIGN IT". Now, of course THAT was a joke, but I do usually get what I want. He said, "Yes ma'am".

Being GEN X

Wikipedia has some interesting things to say about "Generation X". I was born in 1971, which apparently is one of the years with the lowest rate of births. (We follow the "Baby Boomers".) It is also the generation following the Cold War and the generation who had teenagers who were confused, rebellious, anti-religious and apathetic. Doesn't that describe every generation of teenagers? I guess not.

We are the internet junkies, the dot com era and the ones who brought 'grunge'. Side note: I had coffee once with Layne Staley (lead singer of 'Alice in Chains') right before he died. Sweet guy.

A generation without an identity. We ate pop rocks and pop tarts. We played Atari. We loved our Star Wars, our E.T. and our Indiana Jones. We had a 'Brat Pack'.

Gen X. Only two more (Y and Z), then we're done! According to Global Warming Alarmists, anyway. It is said we don't know who we are or where we are going. I'm not so sure about that, maybe we just don't CARE who we are or where we're going!

So, what are your thoughts? Are you a fellow Gen-Xer?

Funnies in Leavenworth

Went to Leavenworth today and these items CRACKED ME UP.

Ray's Boathouse

What a great day! The weather was perfect, upper 70's, and much fun was had. Went to breakfast, went to a movie (Rob Zombie's Halloween 2), and went to Ray's Boathouse at Shilshole Bay in Seattle for dinner. YUM. I had grilled jumbo Gulf prawns over polenta with spinach, cherry tomatoes shaved parmesan and a hint of citrus vinaigrette. Shared a decedent chocolate dessert. Caught a bit of the sunset after dinner walking on the dock. Tomorrow will be a day spent at my pad with a request for my "badass" kabobs.

Steak & Lobster, Baby!

Now that's what I'M talkin' about!

Visitors and Pranksters

So, my Godmother, who is my mom's best friend, is coming to visit tomorrow! Yay! I'm taking Friday and Monday off. Don't know exactly everything we are doing yet, but I know it will involve food, drink and other fun. I have to refrain from posting too much about it on the internet because some people are sensitive to that, but I'll try.

In other news, my co-workers are evil. They do many evil pranks. I seem to attract this behavior. I called in "late" the other day due to a migraine headache. I left a voicemail with my boss and emailed my office roommate. (Who is the evilest one of all, let's call her "R".) Once I was on my way, I texted "R" to let her know I would be there soon and to let our boss know because I hadn't spoken to her yet, she wasn't answering her phone. A little while later she texted me back and said our boss had not received my message and was furious with me. I almost had a heart attack on the 405 freeway. Several minutes later I get a LOL text. Bitch. Now I need to get even.

Couches & Shoes

Here is the sectional I like, and my new cheetah print flats! I didn't go for the pumps, these are more practical, but I DID get the hot pink patent pumps! I should rename this blog to 'Feet and Shoes' huh? I can't help it.

Hallway of Horror

You all know I'm a little different, right? Well, I now have some of my favorite horror film movie posters framed and hung in my hallway. Still need The Exorcist and Texas Chainsaw Massacre the original. My decorating is a bit eclectic. I have the 'Tuscany' theme in the kitchen almost done except I want stainless steel appliances, and next is the bedroom. Don't know what I'm doing in there yet. I have my red sheets/duvet, but not sure about the rest. I am also searching for the perfect sectional w/leopard pillows. Then of course I'll need a 50-inch plasma on the wall to complete my media room. I want to get rid of the furniture in there and have it be all couch/TV. Shit, I need a raise. Maybe I'll get that Supervisor promotion. I'm not all that "girly" with my decorating, am I? LOL.

THIS.

Snacks & Sprains

Well it was inevitable. I hurt myself. SOMEHOW I have sprained my thumb/hand and it hurts like hell. When I couldn't open my "Pub Mix" snack jar this morning, I roamed the halls at work looking for a big strong man to help me. Found one! I'm sure I looked like a full-on retard carrying around the huge tube I bought from Costco, although that is nothing new for anyone here that knows me. I'm happy now. I had my protein shake on the way to work, and now I have my pretzel/rice cracker/etc. mix and beef jerky handy with my gallon of water so I don't inadvertently pig out on cookies/donuts/potato chips and what-not. It is upper-body day at the gym, but with my injury I may have to switch to lower-body, and just do kicks tonight instead of punches.