My disillusioned look.

On a good note, I have been enjoying work the last few days, and having some fun. People are loosening up a bit and engaging my humor and playfulness.

Disillusioned

dis·il·lu·sion (noun.)

To free or deprive of illusion.
1. The act of disenchanting.
2. The condition or fact of being disenchanted.

disillusioned (adjective.)
Disappointed at finding out reality does not match one's ideals.

Yeah, this describes how I'm feeling. Especially the adjective definition. I don't know why I'm surprised. Why would I expect that any of my ideals existed? You can fall in love with an ideal, but don't be fooled. I'm angry. I am not directly involved, at least not anymore, but I'm sickened by some behavior I've run across. It seems some people can so easily bash and slander, yet they cannot or will not acknowledge what is in their own heart. Maybe hate is what is really in their heart. Let me give some advice for what it's worth. Fill your life with compliments and truth and wear your heart on your sleeve. Be transparent. Yeah, sometimes you get clobbered, but some of life's best and most important moments will more likely fill your heart that way. You will be able to say what you want to say without regret, you can put yourself out there and find what you're looking for. Does it always work? No. But if it doesn't, then it wasn't worth it anyway. Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation causes death. Death to the soul. It's not too late. Start now. You might be surprised at what awaits you.

Smoke and Mirrors

Oops. Only meant to delete one post, not three. LOL. I get a little click happy sometimes. Now I guess I'll have to post some new stuff. The internet is such a fascinating place, isn't it? Sometimes people aren't as smart as they think they are. Smoke and mirrors.

Citrus Shrimp Salad

Went out for dinner tonight. (Don't worry, my broke didn't pay.) This is the citrus shrimp salad I ordered. I think I'm a shrimpaholic. It was crazy good.

Story

I was reminded of a story this morning, it's kind of gross, but funny. I guess I will call it "Karma".

Once upon a time I was dating this idiot. He worked at a pizza place at the time. I had gone in to see him with my friends while he was working, and he offered to make me a personal pizza. I said sure, of course. He decided that hiding about 50 EXPIRED anchovies (the large ones that look like eels and taste like death) under my cheese would be funny. I took a huge bite, then abruptly puked all over the table. HAHA. Have fun cleaning up the puke, DILHOLE. I left. We stopped dating. :-) I can take a prank, but don't mess with my food.

Random photos.

Random photos. Me trying to stay awake at work, beloved traffic, Lou in my face wanting attention, my new blue ruffly blouse, and a sheepish grin for whoever knows what reason.

Severance Gone

I'm trying not to stress because it does no good whatsoever, but my severance package perks are running out at the end of this month, which means I'm going to have no insurance unless I go on the Cobra plan which is INSANELY expensive. To cover myself on medical, it is $421 a month! Shit! I'm still on contract where I'm at so there are no benefits. Time to start living on Top Ramen.

The answer to my weight problem?

IF ONLY. Hee.

Anguish and Chocolate

Every now and then I wake from the most disturbing dreams. I actually wake up crying and physically distraught. This has happened all my life. They aren't your horror-movie type dreams, but realistic life situation dreams that upset me terribly. A few have actually come to pass, which is why I think I get so rattled. Last night I had such a dream. It took me a good half an hour to calm down. Even when I wake up and realize it wasn't real, my body still keeps reacting from the trauma for a while because it felt so real in the dream. It is terrible. I'm fine now, but it stays on my mind throughout the day. Thank God it doesn't happen very often. I'm trying to concentrate on happy things right now, or things that would MAKE me happy. It helps. I feel exhausted. I would tell you about the dream, but it really isn't something you want to read about. Truly.

It is rainy and dark and gloomy today, but at least it isn't blizzarding or flooding. I am solemn and quiet and just trying to get my work done so I can go home. I did buy one more cookbook. Just ONE, last night. For 5 bucks. But it was an important one. Perhaps I will make something from in there tonight.

My Evening

Well the evening was successful, I received $85 for all my junk! That was way more than I was expecting! Yay! Grabbed dinner at the Mongolian Grill (Yum!) and went promptly home to watch 24. Maggie enjoyed the show as well, from the back of the couch. Isn't she cute? My fortune cookie wasn't about the love this time, but apparently, I will be traveling to a faraway place that has been in my thoughts! Bahamas here I come! Woo! LOL.

It is official. I can never be President.

I took a nice long shower and feel much better. No more drowning my boredom in oatmeal orgasm pies. I'm going to go sell my stuff now and hopefully make enough to grab a bite. This is my excitement for the weekend. I don't know WTF with the pictures.

Oh, here's something. It is official. I can never be President. They do not let the President have a Blackberry. (Safety reasons.) Mr. Obama is freaking out according to the news because he is an addict too. I'd probably say something like fuck it, I'm the President, the rules are changing, screw safety.

Decluttering

Going through CDs, books and movies to sell, and listening to "My Sharona", which I'm keeping because it rocks. Getting rid of a ton of stuff and it feels good to purge. I have two huge bins of crap. It is amazing how much stuff you accumulate. Forgot I even had some of it. The rule is, if you haven't used it in the last year, it goes. Next, I'm going through my closet of clothes. Yikes.

Jack's Back!

I love me some Jack. "24" did not air last year with the stupid strike, so I have been Jack-less for a year! The two-hour season premiere is Sunday night. Woohoo! I also love Tony. Tony is almost as good as Jack. Thank God I have "24" and "Lost" coming back because I really, really miss True Blood. By the way, I'm liking Sam better than Bill now. I think. There are very few things I watch anymore on TV, it all pretty much sucks, except the aforementioned shows. I still like a couple of sitcoms, but I am so disappointed in most everything that has come out. I am looking forward to some ass-kicking. 

I've been hobbling around all night with my back, and I also hurt my foot. I am such a mess. I don't really want to go to bed because I know it will make my back worse, but I have nothing to do. Well, nothing I want to do. I'm trying to refrain from eating anymore frigging oatmeal pies. I have already consumed enough. ENOUGH. I think I'll have just one more. Damnit! I need a new hobby.

My back huuuurts.

That was my best whine. I don't really know what I did, but my best guess is I need a new mattress. I start off sleeping on my side, but I always end up on my stomach. When you have a big chest, and you sleep on your stomach, your back bows (arches) in the wrong direction and you wake up sore. I need one of those Tempur-Pedic mattresses. Can you imagine the imprint I would leave, though? LOL.  Ouch, it hurts to laugh.

There are addictive chemicals in these.

OK, I am putting together a workout program and buying lots of vegetables and green tea, but every now and then I need a treat. However, if I had to pick one food only for a deserted island, I'm now certain it would be Little Debbie's Oatmeal Creme Pies. OH. MY. GOD. They are ooey and gooey and I want to roll in them much like you see people rolling in piles of money on TV. I will roll in oatmeal pies, but I want money handed to me in neat piles, all bills facing the same direction. Thanks! ;-)

Classic CrazyDogMama Look

Went out last night (for dinner) but not sure about my weekend plans yet. I have to work late because the crazy flooding left only one way out of town for me, which resulted in gridlock this morning. It made me super happy and accelerated my good mood. Can you tell? This is like, my classic look. All the time.

All About Me

I have to have leather seats in my car, not because I'm snooty or because it smells good, but because when I get into the car, my underwear doesn't slide sideways into the crack of my butt.

The single most important feature in a house for me is nice, new, GOOD carpeting.

I drink milk with everything.

I love a good thunder and lightning storm!

Everything on my desk at work has to be angled in the same direction.

If someone has a zit, I beg them to let me pop it. I love puss. They are usually uncooperative.

I cannot keep a plant alive to save my life.

I will not wear a turtleneck. Ever.

I HATE clutter, but it doesn't bother me if other people have it.

I hate dusting.

The only kind of olive I will eat is a Kalamata, and the only mushroom I like is a shitake.

If I can, I pay bills the same day they come in the mail.

I will mostly talk about anything, but there are a few things I don't like to talk about at all with anyone.

I can figure out almost ANYTHING on a computer (eventually), but I have trouble putting a box together.

I fell in the shower once and got a concussion.

Something is wrong.

I have been really tired lately. I get home from work and collapse before 9, and sometimes as soon as I get home at 4:30. I'm getting 8 hours of sleep or more and am still tired the next day. I don't recall tossing and turning. I haven't had any alcohol or sleeping pills lately. My anxiety is up, which is all I can think of. I still get dry heaves with my anxiety. WTF? I have been to 3 specialists, and they can't find anything physically wrong with me, except that I get anxiety, which is no surprise with everything that has gone on and is going on with my life. I have temporary anxiety meds, but I've been taking them awhile and this tired thing is new. It is impossible for me to be pregnant. Am I losing it? Is it just stress? Is it depression? I'm trying to just put things in the past and move forward, but maybe I have lived with it for so long I don't know how to feel any different. I don't know. Somebody take me to the Bahamas, will you? Shit.

These are cracking me the hell up.

Pens are useful.

I spent 20 bucks buying some pretty hair sticks, and what do I end up doing? Using a ball point pen from work.

Never Normal

Yes, you could say this about me, but I'm talking about the stupid weather. First we had crazy snow, then the glorious rain came, now the glorious rain is stupid rain and is flooding everything. It took me forever to get to work this morning and my windshield wipers are doing this "schwooop, squeak, schwooop, squeak" thing that makes me want to drive off of a cliff. I reserve the right to complain about whatever I want, so don't get all self-righteous on me! I went to bed (fell asleep) right in the middle of texting someone at 8:30. Nice of me, huh? I was so pooped after my gigantic shrimp feast. I finally had that phone interview yesterday, the weather screwed up the first one. It went well, and I think I may have a pretty good shot at this one. It is actually a supervisory position. Scary! I've never been a boss before. We'll see what happens.

Giant Shrimp

They're HUGE! MONDO! BIGGIN'S!

And I'm gonna eatem' right up!

Doggie CPR

The caption is funnier than the damn picture!

How YOU doin'?

Cookbook Whore

I'm kinda poopy today. I never did really get to sleep, and it's gloomy and depressing all around me. Weather, world events (Israel/Gaza, Yellowstone rumblings, etc.), the economy is still tanking, gas is going back up and every day I see a new business closing. I guess you have to keep hoping for the best, in your personal life and in the world, but it sure is hard right now. I have a particular thing that is bugging the crap out of me, but there is nothing I can do. I am destined to slam my head into a wall, no matter WHAT I do.

On the upside, I am a cookbook whore, especially ones with beautiful pictures. I got this sauce book for 6 bucks at the used bookstore. It has a brandy chocolate sauce I must make.

Preoccupied Lately

I'm lying in the dark, just the light of the Crackberry, thinking about things I'm supposed to forget about. Sometimes I wish I could shut my brain off and go to sleep. No such luck. What about you? Are you plagued with thoughts you wish you could stop? Things that could drive you crazy if you let them? Yeah, it's probably just me.

Well, I'm a little preoccupied apparently and I'm not making sense anymore so goodnight.

Don't Mess With Me

Church. ;-) Not only did I get the hiccups, but I also had to retrieve some casings from down the front of my bra. LOL.

How I Relax

Blonder. Going to the shooting range today, you know, to relax. Then I'm going to eat meat. Need meat.

Hair

Hair place is open! I threw my yoga pants on (Nichole should love that), a white T-shirt and my Sketchers, and off I go! I was desperate.

Pillows

I like lots of pillows. Jim does not. Men think pillows are ridiculous and annoying. I woke up this morning surrounded by all my pillows, and because it looked funny, I took a picture. I'm sorry it's not a good picture, I took it while still in bed.

When I was a little girl, I thought the inside of 'I dream of Jeannie's" bottle was the coolest, a big round fluffy couch with lots of pillows. I would make forts with blankets, and always put every pillow in the house in it, along with my stuffed animals and a deck of cards. I liked making card houses. Aahh, childhood.

Perhaps I should get up.

Photography

As requested.

CHERYL’S MOCHA CHOCOLATE SAUCE

INGREDIENTS: YIELD:

WHIPPING CREAM 2/3 CUP
HERSHEY’S COCA POWDER 1/2 CUP
SUGAR 7 OZ
LIGHT CORN SYRUP 1/4 CUP
BUTTER 1/3 CUP
VANILLA EXTRACT 1 TSP
TRIPLE SEC 2 TBSP

PROCEDURE:

IN A SAUCE PAN, COMBINE WHIPPING CREAM, COCOA, SUGAR, AND CORN SYRUP. STIR UNTIL BEGINS TO BOIL, THEN LET BOIL FOR ONE MORE MINUTE UNTIL SUGAR IS COMPLETELY DISSOLVED. REMOVE FROM HEAT AND ADD BUTTER AND VANILLA. LET COOL THEN STIR IN TRIPLE SEC (OPTIONAL). THE TEXTURE SHOULD BE GLOSSY AND FAIRLY THICK. (NOT RUNNY, BUT WILL RUN OFF SPOON)

MAKE YOURSELF ESPRESSO CAFE MOCHA!

Going to Mom's

OK, all dressed. Going to my mom's house by way of coffee stand. Taking the good camera with me, just in case. I'm feeling 'photograph-y' today. ;-)

OUCH

I could have died and bled to death. You should have seen all the blood come spurting out. It was alarming. This is the cleaned-up version.

I sliced the back of my heel open shaving. What an idiot. Hope you don't faint at the sight of blood. Every time I try to walk, it opens the wound back up and the air hitting it sends me through the roof. I guess I'm a wuss.

Can't decide what to do.

I was going to spend the day at the salon getting my hair touched up, but they are not open today. Poo. I have nothing fun to do. I could clean. I could work. I could organize. But I want to have fun. I could go see my mom if she'll have me. The holidays are nice for relaxing, but I'm too restless right now to just sit around and relax. Too much going through my mind. There IS something I could do, but I don't know. I have to think about it.

I've been playing with my camera, as you can see. Really boring stuff, though. I'd love to take a photography class or something soon, or maybe even a Photoshop class. Not that I need more on my plate.  If I go out today, I'll take the camera with me. I might go see a friend of mine. I just don't know. Maybe I should start off with a nice shower and get myself together and go from there. I have to do SOMETHING. I'm bouncing off the damn walls.

Shutter Click Happy

We got a Carl's Jr.!

Not a lot to do on New Year's Day, but the new Carl's Jr. is open! Wheee! The only one in this state that is even semi-close to where I live. I know it probably seems odd to you, but I got addicted to that damn place in California! Best burgers EVER. There are 5 million people here. I'm not kidding. I have no thawed food at home, so here I am. Great way to start off my better eating resolution. HA.

Happy 2009!

Happy New Year! Well, it's 2009. I hope all of your dreams come true this year. It's time for all of us. Holy crap on a cracker, what a year 2008 was for me! I can't even begin to tell you. My whole life tipped on its head. I lost my job, my grandparents passed, I took many trips to California, and I met some rather interesting individuals, to say the least. I wish I could get more into that, but it was quite an experience. I learned a lot about myself through all of this, and I am forever changed. For reals.

I'm going to bed.

I'm trying to stay awake.

This is not usually a problem for me, I'm a night owl. But I'm tired tonight. Hope everyone else is having more fun than me. Sorry Juice, I wasn't up to the drive to "Mucklevegas". I didn't know it was two hours from me. All of a sudden, I'm in a funk. Not a good way to start the new year, but I do have an hour left.

No plans yet.

I'm sure I'll have a date with the couch and the Crackberry.

Does anyone have New Year's plans after 35? The last time I got crazy was 1993. There was beer dripping from the ceiling. Now? I'll probably be blogging at the stroke of midnight. HOLD ME BACK! LOL.  When I very first got the internet back in 1995, I was in a chat room and didn't even realize it was midnight. Yes, the addiction started way back then. I do have some champagne in the fridge, may as well drink it. My mom was iffy about driving all the way up to my house, so I don't know if I'll have a champagne buddy or not. My mom is funny when she drinks. Hi mom! ;-) In the waitressing years, I was working making serious bank. Now it's just another day. Another day in paradise.

Anyway, if you want to ring in the new year with me, I'm sure I'll be here on the CDM Bloggery. Those of you who have my phone number can text me, then we can be super cool together on New Year's Eve!

Just for fun.

I was told to use each letter of the Alphabet and relate it to myself somehow with a word or phrase. Alrighty. Whatever.

A - Anal Retentive. I am a perfectionist, especially with paperwork and projects. It takes me a millenium to paint a room because every single little spot has to be right.

B - Blackberry. It is an appendage.

C - For Cheryl AND CrazyDogMama!

D - Dogs. Love 'em.

E - Email. Can't live without it.

F - Fun. Love to have it.

G - Google. Use it every day.

H - Horror movies. Awesome!

I - Intense. I am very intense.

J - Jittery. I drink a lot of coffee.

K - Kabobs. Love to make them, love to eat them.

L - Longing. I'm doing that.

M - Mochas. Drink them almost every day.

N - Neurotic. Who me?

O - Orion. I like constellations and looking at the stars.

P - Photography. I love it. I want to get better at it.

Q - Quirky. That would be me.

R - Raising Hell. I'm good at it.

S - Sultry. Someone told me I was "sultry" once. I went with it.

T - Tulips. So pretty.

U - Ulcer. I think I have one.

V - Voracious. My appetite for many things.

W - Writing. I do a lot of it.

X - X-Men. I used to draw the comic book characters from this comic when I was young.

Y - Yearning. I do this too.

Z - ZZZZZ. I either can't sleep or sleep too much.

Sweater Boots!

For those of us with oversized calves. It is ALL muscle, I'm telling you.

So, what has CrazyDogMama been up to? Well, I left work yesterday and went to my mom's to promptly take a nap. Then, we went out for Mexican food and went shopping. I've GOT to stop with the shopping, but I only bought socks and maybe another cheap movie. I already had the boots. I am in all black today, I'm in mourning my money.

What's in store for my New Year's? Stay tuned. I don't know yet.

California Dreaming

I looked at my California pictures last night while I was *attempting* to organize them. What a mess. I am missing the sun and the pool and the fun right about now. We've come into what I call the "boring months", and if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know I hate February. HATE it. I know I've never explained why, but it is some pretty heavy stuff that is sensitive and personal. Some really bad things have happened to me in more than a few Februarys, one of them on Valentine's Day, which is why I generally don't celebrate it. So, fuck February. Maybe something good will happen in February 2009. You never know. I'd like to put my past in the past. For Good. Sometimes if you replace bad memories with good ones, you can recover.

Anyway, back to California. I'm probably going back this summer, hopefully for 2 weeks, unless I can come up with a way to get somewhere else. I'm not holding my breath.

I look like Holy hell today.

I don't even want to post a picture. Bad hair day, bad face day, bad everything day. Don't look at me today. I spent my usual time getting ready, but it was futile. The planets must not be aligned correctly. It could be my attire. I have on black slacks, a purple lace top and hiking boots. No, it's the hair. and my breakout. Enough to put a girl in a pissy mood. This is the day when I will run into somebody from Highschool, or a cute guy, or some old boyfriend and I look like I have been camping. LOL. It's Murphy's Law. To remedy this, I'm going to go get my nails done and go tanning. Maybe I'll make a hair appointment. Something. Normally I wouldn't care this much, but I've really been trying to improve and take care of myself. I have all these new clothes, makeup, etc. and it's a lot of work! It is like working on a car for 6 months and it won't start. Frustrating.

There is NOTHING going on. Nothing. I have no exciting news, nothing fun to talk about, and nothing stupid has happened to me today. Yet. I'll work on it.

The Verve

I love me some Verve. The same guys that did "Bittersweet Symphony" and "Lucky Man" (one of my all-time favorite songs). They have a new one out that I'm swooning over called "Love is Noise". Check it out!

Here is my neck.

Actually, I was trying to take a pic of the earrings, not my neck, but whatever. Then there is me being blind. I have to cook with my glasses on now because my eyesight just keeps getting worse and worse. Sometimes I mix up the shampoo and conditioner bottles. Which is neat. The other night I almost dropped my glasses in the brownie mix.