Doesn't get much more pitiful than this.

Someone come up with a caption for this one.

I need to pee, mom!

Mom, GET UP! It's time for breakfast and if you don't let me out, I will pee on the floor!

What do you wake up to?

Feeling Strange

I'm feeling very strange tonight. I don't know if I'm afraid of the layoffs or if I'm afraid of being a Documentation Specialist the rest of my life. I have to make a certain amount of money to keep a roof over my head and food on the table, so it's not like I have some grand opportunity to reinvent my work life. If I do have to get back out there and interview, it won't feel exciting and new like it did back in my 20's. It will feel like I'm just searching for a new cube. A new commute. I work hard, I take pride in doing my best and I thank my Lord for each and every paycheck. I haven't been let down, I seem to always have enough, I think I'm just having a midlife crisis or something. I want (and try) to be optimistic and hopeful and positive, but honestly, I just wake up every day and try to make it through. It's no way to live, I can tell you that, but what do I do to change it? I've tried what seems like everything. Something is just missing.

I keep having the same dream over and over again. It is actually a wonderful dream instead of the nightmares I usually have, but the problem is when I open my eyes and realize it isn't real, and that it's not something I can "make" real, I get depressed. Anyway, I'm just rambling here. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can't, but thanks for reading all the same. Goodnight my dear readers, even if I don't know you.

The Spitfire Grill

I just finished a really, really good movie. It is older, but it was a good time for me to see it. If you get a chance, watch "The Spitfire Grill", you won't be disappointed!

Too Old

I'm never ever drinking that much again ever. I'm too old for that shit. I had to sit in my car until I was OK to drive, then later crash at my mom's because I have a headlight out and I live too far out. STUPID. I haven't done that in years and I forgot what a lightweight I was.

Now I get to clean the house with a hangover and wonder all weekend if I'll have a job on Monday. That is, if they tell us then. I'm in kind of a bad mood so I'll blog later. I just wanted to let my friends know I was alive.

Somebody needs to drive me home.

Stand by, busy getting lit with my co-workers who may not be my co-workers on Monday. It's funny, they keep buying me shots but nobody else is having them. Working with all men is fun.

NOTE: You know I'm drunk when I post the same pic twice. I've since deleted it, but WOW.

So Many Things

I have so many things to talk about and share, I don't even know where to start. Give me some time to think about it and collect myself. I'm SUPER busy right now with a side of insane, so be patient. Thanks.

Washing your hands with toothpaste.

I learned this morning that washing your hands with toothpaste isn't the best idea. I was half asleep and I use Mentadent toothpaste which stands upright just like my soap dispenser, which is right next to it. I'm just glad I didn't use soap to brush my teeth.

Haagen-Dazs can go to hell.

They have stopped making "Chocolate Chocolate Chip". WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME?

I'm watching "Lake Dead" from Horrorfest 2007 to take my mind off of things. It would be NICE to have my favorite ice cream, but NO. 

Need AK47 & rooftop.

What a day. Let me see if I can describe it in short words and phrases: Limbo-land, email insanity, phone ringing off the hook, need a cigarette, calm panic, ulcer, contacts galore, resumes, rumors, tired, hungry, headache, frustrated, need AK47 & rooftop.

Predicament

Just the little bit of traveling I did wore me the hell out. I got home and crashed. I am looking at everything I have to do, including the pile of bills I have to pay, which reminds me of my predicament. I need to figure out how to get a computer, and FAST.

I'm home.

Flight was pretty uneventful except the ugly obnoxious kid sitting in front of me kept farting. It was BAD.

Back to work tomorrow, won't know anything until next week. Just going to kick back and relax the rest of the day. No more fun Cali pics for a while. Poo.

Is it too early to drink?

Getting ready to board. No Crackberry for 3 whole hours! I'll get twitchy. Is it too early to drink?

I haven't been on an airplane since 2001.

I've heard it's changed a bit since then. I have to go home today and face reality. I guess if I get laid-off, I can come back.

Way better than working.

I need someone to lay in the sun with. It's kinda boring by yourself. Way better than working, though.

Everyone is so friendly!

You know what I like about California? Everyone is so friendly! I did a little shopping today and stopped to get a coffee while my mom was doing her errands, and I got doors held open for me by men (that is a BIG plus in my book), smiles from everyone I walked by, and had a fun little chat with the little barista girl who was as cute as a button. It all put me in good mood! Back home I might as well be invisible. Men let doors slam in my face and store clerks grunt at me even if I compliment them. When are people going to learn that NICE goes a long way? I give huge tips when my service is friendly. Plus, it always comes back to you when you go the extra mile. Just my advice for the day.

It's hot! Finally! I ran upstairs to put my swimsuit on and promptly got poolside. My mom and I are going out to a nice dinner for my last night, so I get to dress up. Well, not super fancy, but you know, put my hair up and wear bling.

Perfect Breakfast

OMG, fresh squeezed orange juice (right off the tree!) and an egg-white quiche fresh out of the oven! Perfect breakfast. Have no idea what to do for my last day, but it is going to include the sun.

I wonder where I'll be a year from now.

Can't sleep tonight. I can't complain either, though, because I've had some of the best sleep here in the last few days than I've had in a while.

I'm out on the patio off my bedroom gazing at the stars (and blogging). I am guzzling water, too. Carl's Jr. make me thirsty. Other than smelling the California fires in the distance, it is really nice out here. I can see Orion, and the Big and Little Dippers. I am surprised I can see the stars so clearly here. It is not as quiet as back home, but it is peaceful. I don't believe in Astrology, I actually think it's kind of dumb (sorry), but Astronomy fascinates me. I could look at the stars for hours.

I wonder where I'll be a year from now, and what I will be doing. It's scary and exciting to think about it. My mom said something along those lines tonight, she wondered what the next year would bring. She asked me what I was doing this time last year and one of the perks of having a blog is, I could tell her. I had just smashed my thumb into oblivion. LOL. I had no idea back then what was in store for me. Isn't it funny how you really never can guess what life is going to do? Yes, it has been a tough year, and there are many people I miss, but there were some good things too. Some good things that changed my life. I didn't see any of it coming, but I'm glad about that. Bad surprises and good surprises. And many more to come.

Right now? I'm just trying to live in the moment.

Left alone with my thoughts.

You wanted to see more pictures of my feet, right? That's what I thought. Here they are, kicking and splashing in the pool. At night.

My mom went to bed, and I've been left alone with my thoughts. This is where the problem lies. I'm thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. I'm scared. Everyone keeps saying it will be alright, and not to worry, but I feel alone, even though I'm married. It is hard to have hope sometimes; being human and all. There is nothing I can do about anything that is happening (or not happening) to me. I pray that God will give me peace regardless of where I end up.

Carl's and a Cold Pool

Carl's Jr. for dinner. My eating is stellar these days.

I'm sitting outside in the warm wind. There will be no skinny dipping at night this time, the pool is like glacier water. That would hurt, if you know what I mean. LOL.

Water & Wind

Playing in the ice-cold pool. With wind. I wish they would just tell me now whether or not I have a job so that if I didn't, I could just stay here.

Sun & Coffee

Really the title should be, "Feet & Coffee", but I digress. Now this is more like it. It's still windy, but it's in the 80's, so the wind is welcome while I sit here and bake. The pool is a mess, but if I can swim in a lake, I can swim with a few leaves in a chlorinated pool. The "Coffee Bean" shop missed me, I can tell. My mom calls it the "Green Bean" because she can't remember the name of it. This cracks me up, and it will now forever be the "Green Bean". I'm getting my fill before I leave.

Windstorm

Well isn't this special. A nice windstorm is occurring. It's gusting pretty good out there and messing up my pool! Stupid wind. I'm confined to the house at the moment. Poo. There is no jacuzzi, or I'd be in that.

Biagio's

I absolutely had to have my favorite pizza, just like last time. My mom doesn't like green peppers, so I settled for pepperoni and salami. It was super good!

If you ever visit here, go to Biagio's! The same little Italian family has owned it forever. When I was a little girl, my grandparents started coming here every Thursday night for pizza, spaghetti, salad, and drinks. They got to know the staff, and the whole family that owned it. "Grandma" was this little old Italian woman, who would make these homemade cream puffs, and of course give them to my grandparents. Everyone loved my grandparents, they were always the life of the party, and were outrageous tippers. Anyway, I developed an affinity for these cream puffs of course, and so I would beg for them every time I went with them. Such a fond memory. I wish I could still get them!

Pocahontas?

I try to be stylish; I really do. It fails.

This is living!

Wine, fruit, cheese and crackers. Now THIS is living! Next, I am going to dive in the pool. It doesn't take much to please me.

Oh DANG! My mom and I just finished off an entire bottle of wine! I'm hammered. LOL.

Seal Beach

Seal Beach is down in the Long Beach area and it's so adorable. I went into my favorite little surf shop, (almost bought that cute hat) and just walked around and took in the ocean air. Lots of cute dogs at the Crema Cafe.

Prettiest Backyard

The backyard is so cool here. Besides the pool, there is a grapefruit and an orange tree, palms and other various tropical plants. It's so pretty.

I'm headed off to Seal Beach today, so I'll take some pics down there.

Meet Me at the Coffee Bean!

Time for sunning and swimming! Going to nap on the lawn chair for a while, then have some wine and cheese that my mom bought at Costco for us.

The pool always looks so inviting, that's why I'm pointing at it. If you're close by (Lake Forest), email me and we'll meet at the Coffee Bean! That is, if you aren't a maniac psycho, because then we'd have a problem.

Small Heart Attack

I'm here. It's not supposed to be really hot today or tomorrow, but the sunshine sure does feel nice. We got in very early this morning, and I collapsed until a few minutes ago. Don't have an agenda yet.

I may have had a small heart attack earlier. We got off an exit to go grab some coffee and get gas, and it was pitch black with really faded street lines. I got into the left-hand turn lane and ended up going down the wrong side of the road! OMFG! I have never done that before! EVER! I swear it wasn't a blonde driving moment because my mom didn't see it either. I was shaken and decided to kick back for an hour and answer emails by the side of the road.

Juice complained about my toilet pics, so I won't post the latest uber gross rest stop pics I took. I stood OVER the toilet and peed because it was THAT bad. EW. Rest stops in California blow.

Truck Stops Rule

It's huge, OMG! (That's what she said, haha.) I love truck stops. With all the truckers. And big steak.

Steak on the Brain

I have had steak on the brain for about 100 miles now. NEED. STEAK. No more fast food. I scared my mom with my obsession with finding a steakhouse. I was driving and yelling out for keeping eyes peeled. Once we found a sign that said, "STEAK 26 miles", I gunned it. We're here now. Finally.

Santiam Rest Stop

Santiam Rest Stop in Oregon.

Non-descript. Clean enough and roomy. What? Don't you like pictures of toilets?

Oregon

The many faces of boredom. Or batshit crazy. Whichever.

In Oregon now. Which is thrilling. Not.

Rest Stop Reviews

CrazyDogMama's Rest Stop Reviews!

Maytown, just South of Tenino in WA.

Under construction. portable potties only. Neat. They were clean enough and didn't stink, had adequate toilet paper. Very important for us girl-types. Easy to drive in and out of.

Having fun now, wouldn't you say? Stop rolling your eyes. This could be useful to someone. Or entertaining. It's entertaining to me, so shut up. LOL.

Here we go again.

The very familiar trip of 22 hours of driving 80 mph, creepy rest stops, and fast food. I'm stocked up on Rock Stars and Vivarin, and I've already had a triple iced mocha. When I WANT to be sleepy and tired, I can't get that way, but when I DON'T want it, I'm yawning all over the place with heavy eyelids. Figures. My mom is already irritated at me because I'm late. I can't help it, I'm not a morning person. AT ALL.

Just Breathe

One minute I'm fine, and the next minute I'm freaking out. Not knowing things drives me nutty. I've learned to embrace change, but I want to know WHAT the change is. My lack of patience doesn't help. I can't seem to concentrate. I'm in sort of a trance, like 'whatever'. This is big stuff. Everything going on in my life is big stuff. I knew I was at a crossroads; I just didn't realize how big of deal it was going to be. There is also big stuff going on in the world, and all of it combined for me seems a little overwhelming. Just breathe, I tell myself. You can do this. There have been some interesting developments for me; I'll share when I can. For the next week, however, I think I'm just going to try and concentrate on sun and fun with my mom. I'll be leaving quite early, so stay tuned for all my silly blogs.

Roadtrip

Aahh! I'm leaving for California in less than 24 hours, and you wouldn't believe everything I have to do. Have I packed? Of course not! Also, I can't believe how much not having a home computer is making my life difficult, especially RIGHT NOW when I need it the most! Anyone have a grand I could borrow?

The Refiner's Fire

OK, really, I'm trying NOT to stress. There is nothing I can do about it. I keep telling myself this. I honestly can't say much (non-disclosure stuff), but I may be laid-off before the end of the month. It would have nothing to do with my performance, but the economy/market. I have no idea what I will do because the job market sucks right now, and my field is very narrow. I really do believe things happen for a reason (when it is beyond your control) so I'm trying to think of it as fate, whatever happens. With everything I've gone through in the last year, it kind of feels like a sucker-punch, but maybe it would be a blessing in disguise. Who knows. It is the not knowing that is the worst part.

I have never been without a job. I have never collected unemployment. I haven't had more than 2 weeks off in a row since I was 16 years old, and I'll be 37 in November. I don't know how to feel right now. My whole life has gone AWOL in the last year. Guess it was time to shake things up! It is amazing to me how so many things can happen in such a short amount of time, and how the littlest things can throw your life off balance. I have recently experienced feelings I don't know what to do with, and emotions I didn't know existed. I've had many sleepless nights and panic attacks. Now that I've learned how to deal with all of that, I think I may be ready for whatever it is I was being prepared for. The refiner's fire?