I am going to apologize now for this post. I have been fairly upbeat for the last few weeks and it was due time for a meltdown. Now remember, I have issues and I don't choose meltdowns, they choose me. I have also been out of therapy for 3 weeks, I just got back from vacation, I'm sick and pretty much everything is one big crapcake.
Right now I am sitting in a McDonald's parking lot by myself wondering if ordering food will just be a waste of time and money. It was about an hour drive here from where I was, and I spent a large portion of that balling my freaking eyes out. You know, the kind of crying where you are wailing incomprehensible words to no one while snot bubbles are rolling down your face and you know you will have a headache when you are done? Yeah. Scary. I wore myself out and made myself cough more. Smart I am. Sometimes I lose all hope and faith in everything - like what the fuck is the point in ANYTHING? I like NOTHING, I have NOTHING to look forward to, everyone go to hell and leave me alone. I don't wanna work, I don't wanna play, I don't wanna do ANYTHING. Yeah, I'm healthy.
At least I'm not like this EVERY day, right? Juice and Hole: I promise to be better for enchiladas tomorrow OK? And don't worry, I'm WAY past the contagious part of my dying. :)