3 Different Things

1. OK, I'll keep believing in love if you insist, someday I will dance on the beach with "The One".

2. Have you ever discovered that you have been lying to yourself? It is a bit of an epiphany, I guess. Over the years I have thought about and told myself why I write in this blog. A few different answers have come out. The actual truth of why hit me not so long ago, and there is only one real reason I still write here. The reason I started the blog differs from why I continue to write in it. Maybe someday I will reveal it, but for now it is just for me to know. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

3. I just bought a cute new blouse, necklace (see pic) and shoes. Time for my nightly swim before I turn in.

Mail Bag - Questions Answered

Q: "Why don't you believe in love anymore?"
A: I guess I should have written that better. I do believe love exists, and of course there are different kinds of love, Family/Kids/Pets/Friends vs. Romantic. I know true love is real, but what I was trying to say was that the kind of love that is supposed to happen in "romantic love" has somehow been (partly) destroyed in our society. It is a selfish, self-centered world hell-bent on instant gratification and the propensity to "bail" when one becomes "unhappy". There is a lack of commitment and sacrifice. I see it everywhere, and unless you live in a fantasy world, you know it's true. My problem is that me finding someone outside of this human condition in our present era is statistically very low, and the chances of heartbreak are very high. I haven't given up, but I know the odds are against me. I also don't want someone with me (and vice versa) just because they don't want to be lonely. People can be very deceiving and will sometimes go to great lengths to get what they want. I'm just being realistic, that's all. God can do anything though, so I'm just trusting in Him.

Q: "Why do you think all of these people are "looking for something" on your blog? Isn't that a little paranoid?"
A: Well, perhaps, but one of them is my ex-husband's buddy who was feeding my ex-husband info from my blog during our divorce (I know that for a fact out of the ex-husband's mouth), and now that all of that is over and my ex-husband is remarried, it is beyond me what he is going to my blog to find out. I actually have a suspicion, but I can't say publicly. I seriously doubt he "just wants to know what I'm up to." The others are old coworkers that I was not particularly close to and never even told about my blog. They obviously saw it up on my computer screen at work and started visiting, but I can tell you right now neither one of them give a rat's ass about my life, and I can't help but wonder if there is an ulterior motive, especially when one signs on from across one part of the country one minute, then the other minutes later from the opposite side of the country. Obviously, there is some talking (gossiping?) going on there. WEIRD. Sorry if that's offensive, guys, but it is weird to me. So, anyway, I thought I would say hello to them. :-) No answer of course.

Q: How do you know when someone goes to your blog?
A: That's my secret, sorry. ;-) Remember, the internet is NOT a secure place.

My Odd Posts

Some of you may be wondering about the odd posts of late that call out some names. Don't worry, for those of you who are my friends and those of you who just honestly enjoy my blog, those posts aren't for you. Blogs can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter where you go, there are twisted motherfuckers out there. So be it.

On a different note, it got really stuffy in here tonight. The air conditioner needs to be fixed, so once I got too hot, I went out for a nice swim. I could see the stars and it brought back sweet memories of when my grandpa and I used to float on our backs and he would point out the constellations to me. I miss those times. Times when life was so effortless and everything was new and exciting. I almost purchased an annual pass to Disneyland today. I will soon. I am trying to embrace my inner child again and forget about all the pain. I'm almost myself again. There are still some old demons clamoring about, but I'll beat them.

Stalker Ex-Coworkers.

Dave and Travis, hello! Do you guys email each other and say "Hey, have you been to Cheryl's blog lately?" LOL. One signs in, then the other. STRANGE.

Love Blows

Unfortunately, I don't really believe in love anymore. People just get what they need from you and leave. That or they just keep using you because they don't want to be alone. We are all guilty of it. I'm not just talking about my stupid past, I see it all around me. Talking to people, and observing. You may just think I'm jaded, but if you look around, even look deep inside yourself, you'll see it's just the human condition. If you are lucky enough to feel a real kind of love, are you strong enough to risk everything? Or do you not believe either? Tell me, do you see it anywhere?

MEAT

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! BBQing tenderloins tonight with Romano cheese mashed potatoes and a garden salad.

What's the temp?

The new backyard thermometer. Isn't it cool? I thought so.

Too Much to Do

Well I was up until 4 am trying to straighten out my Quicken books (UG) then got up at 9 am and ran some errands. I'm sick of Home Depot! LOL. My bedroom is almost done along with the office and 1 bathroom. They have all been painted and now I'm having some white crown molding going in. Going to look great! I will do before and after pics, they will be quite entertaining. Had the "popcorn" ceilings taken out and put all new fixtures in the bathroom. This is why everything is still all over the place, plus the house was still furnished with all my grandparent's stuff still in it. So needless to say, it is quite a challenge and a crapload of work. Not to mention the expense. I'm laying out by the pool now getting sunburnt. Skin cancer, bah!!

Loving on my babies.

Playin' with the pups.

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."

I'm never leaving the backyard!

My sundeck is done! Beautiful! I've been laying in the sun and swimming today. To hell with cleaning and unpacking! Who wants to join me?

Under the Tuscan Sun

That is probably my favorite movie right now. I liked it before, but ever since my life turned upside down, that movie has become like an old friend. There are so many parts of it that I can relate to, and I feel much like the main character. I had to call a home theater installation specialist to hook up my Blu-Ray surround system because I don't have my awesome neighbor anymore to come to my rescue and I want it working properly. He can't get out here until the 14th and I'm going bonkers because I can't watch any DVDs and am stuck with regular TV. 450 channels and nothing on. I also ordered one of those "universal" remote controls. They are supposed to be awesome, so we'll see. For $500 w/programming, it better be able to do my fucking taxes. I could watch a movie on my laptop I suppose, but that seems so barbaric. Ha!

So far, I really love it here. Work is going great; I love the pool and the sunshine and I'm enjoying seeing Palm trees everywhere I go instead of Evergreens. It's funny, it is 100 degrees in WA right now and only in the 70's here, but it still feels different. It is pleasant and somehow serene to me. I can't explain it. Maybe because the surroundings are new and there is not an old ghost around every corner. The house is a challenge. The remodel is going to take a LONG time and I don't feel like things are in order, or will be any time soon, but it keeps me busy. (Just like in the movie!) I guess there is an interested party in my house in WA already, so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed! It is so hard to sell it, but I have to. Growing pains. The downside to all of this is the incredible loneliness. I feel like I'm going to become this old maid and die with a bunch of dogs around me. It's hard to trust anyone, and with all the work I have to do, I don't have any kind of a social life right now. I don't even have anyone to go to Disneyland with until my stepson comes to visit in August.

Back to Cooking!

So fun! Tonight's menu is BBQ'd ribs in a bourbon marinade, fresh summer squash from my friend's garden sauteed with red pepper, onion, garlic and olive oil, and focaccia topped with a sundried tomato sauce. For dessert, chocolate-chocolate chip gelato!

Shake, Rattle and Roll!

California has welcomed me with a 5.4 earthquake. How thoughtful! Quite fun in a trailer.

Spies

Hello Darrin!

I was wondering if you were looking for / waiting for something specific on my blog, or if you are just a fan of good 'ol CrazyDogMama.

Hope you and Leslie are well. Say hi to Jim and Rene for me.

Cher

New Workspace

Things are coming along. Even my desk at work. One of my Seattle coworkers got me the purple lava lamp as a going away present. It was the perfect gift. The green one I had on my desk when I first started was from my grandparents. It broke and I never replaced it. Now I am living in my grandparent's house and I have a new lava lamp. Ironic a little.

I have so many unanswered questions in my life. They haunt me. If I were dead I'd be a restless soul.

Summer Rain?

OK who brought the rain? It was RAINING in Southern California this morning in July. WTF? It must be me. It's my fault. Oh well, it cleans the air.

I was also referred to as an "OC" girl today. I'm all HUH? Then it came to me, and I rolled. Guess the definition of an "OC girl" is changing.

Of Course.

Fucking plumbing disaster. On a holiday no less. Ugh. Still unpacking boxes. Still can't find anything and my 4-day weekend ends today. This is fun. NOT.

Remodeling the Backyard

Getting a new sundeck today! Yay! I bought another chaise lounge. I have a new friend at work that I'm going to invite over for sunbathing, swimming and margaritas.

Food fixes everything.

Shrimp fettuccini and broiled citrus shrimp with asparagus, tomatoes and strawberry salad. YUM. I don't want to know my cholesterol levels with the amount of shrimp I ingest.

Lost it today.

Everything that made sense in life yesterday, doesn't today. I don't know why. This morning the painter needed my sample colors and I couldn't find them in any of my boxes. I ripped every damn one of them apart looking and then completely broke down. Just sat down in the middle of the living room and balled like a pathetic fool. I guess I'm just fruit loops. I finally asked God to help me. Five minutes later I saw a box I overlooked. There they were. Coincidence?

The Pool

In the pool having a cup of Joe, listening to jazz. Oh, and playing with the Crackberry camera. Absolute bliss.

Sleepin' and Swimmin' IN THE BUFF!

I thought things needed some spicin' up around here on the CDM bloggery.

Now that I'm living in a warmer climate, I find it refreshing to sleep naked, and then if I wake up too hot still, I just waltz right on downstairs into the pool. I'm liking it. Dogs are confused. They watch me get in the pool and start whining. LOL.

I'm trying to arrange a "Disneyland" company event day. So far, they like the idea. Oh yeah, I've been busy. ;-)

Settling In.

Work was good, the commute was GREAT, everyone is sweet (all 10 of us) and there is a drive-thru Starbucks right next door! Perfect! We are in these primitive little trailers until the build-out is complete, and the trailer with the bathroom is across from mine. You should see me sprint in heels after a venti iced mocha! I get a desk and others get cubes, I'm movin' up in the world! Ha! Tonight, I have to hang all my clothes and alphabetize the DVDs. I'm getting boring, aren't I? That ship has probably already sailed.

All the boxes.

Movers came today, Yay! Now I have another big mess. Meh. Gotta report to work tomorrow so the cleanup will be slow. Also got a new chaise lounge from Costco for sunbathing. Ahh, so relaxing.

New Bath Accessories

Movers are late. Car is late. Of course.

Went shopping today for bathroom supplies. New shower curtain, new shower caddy and new big sunflower shower head with detachable nozzle. Bath time is important!

Took a dry run up to work so I don't get lost on Monday. Glad I did! Such a nice commute and right on the beach! This has all been a HUGE hassle, but it is going to be SO WORTH IT.

Got my internet and phone working but had to reschedule Direct TV because the moving truck is late with my TV on it. *sigh* I've already missed one episode of True Blood, damnit!

I made it.

Kickin' back with the pups waiting for the movers. I just spent so much time, energy and money getting here, only to have to start all over. UG. This place is gorgeous but does need a ton of work. It has the potential to be paradise, but I have to get my home sold to have money. Offloading two mortgages will be awesome. Apparently, my stress level has been so high for so long that my cortisol levels are abnormally high. My endocrinologist says I need more tests run and I have to stop stressing or it will kill me. I'm hoping my new situation will help that. I broke it off with the guy I was emailing from here that was going to take me to Disneyland because he was driving me batshit, so now I need to make some new friends, but I need to calm down first.

The feet are just for you, Jeffery! It was so great to meet you!

First dinner out as a Californian.

Spicy shrimp of course, here at "El Ranchito's" with mom having dinner and a tequila sunrise. Cool little place with a plant next to our table. Did some internet stuff at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf afterwards because my internet won't be installed until tomorrow. It's nice to sit and relax, it's been quite a ride.

The fun parts of moving.

OK I'm good now that I have the pool. What a trip. More details later. So, here are today's bloopers: The yard guy came, and Louie ran after him and took a corner too sharp, and PLOP! Right into the pool. You should have seen the look on the little guy's poor face! I went in after him. He's fine. Made me laugh. Also, my mom drove the SUV into the garage and didn't know the cargo bin on top wouldn't clear. OOPS. I laughed my ass off. She did not. We are like Cheech and Chong here; you would be amused.

I got a call.

I'm a little freaked and TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. My endocrinologist just called and it wasn't good news. So I guess you could say I am having a slight anxiety attack while driving down the San Diego freeway on my final stretch to my new home.

On the way!

Rough start but going smooth now. It's my turn to drive so I will finish this at a rest stop.

Off we go!

We're off a little late, but here we go! Off to the next chapter of my life! Dogs are ready for adventure! LOL. Mags has her doggie valium. Must get coffee and a bite. Bye Washington! Hello sunny California!

Bye-Bye Litttle House

I said goodbye to the house I worked my ass off for today. I had a lump in my throat as my mom and I drove away. It looks so lonely so empty. I remember the first day moving in over 10 years ago. BUT life goes on and I will be living in a beautiful home that will be remodeling fun. I am horribly exhausted and almost collapsed (literally) today from no sleep and hardly any food (it keeps coming up), but I made it. Barely. Moving out of state with hardly any help is very stressful and taxing.

Took the kid out to dinner with his girlfriend to say our goodbyes (pictured).

I leave tomorrow at 8 am. Meeting up with a friend in Portland for lunch (Jeffery @The Truth Hurts). Stay tuned for my famous road trip blogs. LOL.

Packed!

I did it. I'm ready to go. Packers came and finished up today and the movers are hauling it away tomorrow. Since I've only had a total of 4 hours of sleep in 2 days, I'm off to bed. Now the real adventure begins, along with the rest of my life. I'm a little weepy saying goodbye, and a little scared of the future. But it's all good.

My Little Helper

Hehe, there was a little mishap with the paper shredder. Poor Lou.

 
I'm finally heading off to bed. It was a productive day, but there is still much to do.

I have some weird things on my mind tonight, and thoughts that are making me sad. I don't want to be awake anymore.