An Explanation, a Thank You, and an Ode to My Butt-Warmer

Oh Butt-warmer, how much do I love thee? Let me count the ways. While snot is flying, rain is pouring, and traffic reports are blaring, you warm my ass like no other. I love you so. You made it so I sang this morning, "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". I don't know how I can repay you for your kindness.

OK, back to sanity. I'm feeling better today, and my butt is happy. I want to thank all of my blog-readers for being so kind and I want to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS or HAPPY HANNUKKAH or whatever you celebrate! You have made me smile this week.

Now for explanations. What the hell was I talking about yesterday? Well, here it is. Life is short. Life is too short to waste on a bad mood, which is what I've been in what seems like, an eternity. There are lots of things I want to do in 2006, and yes one of them is to get back into shape, but more importantly, I want to appreciate what I have more. I have a nice home, I have a loving family, I have a great husband who, even though has been a booger this week, is truly a great man that I love with all my heart. I have many blessings that I take for granted, and I don't want to do that anymore. Jim and I had a long talk last night about the state of the world and the state of our hearts. He wrote me a love letter for Christmas. He was going to type it up all nice and put it in my stocking, but because I have been in such a funk, he decided to give it to me last night. It was so cool it made me cry. It was full of fond memories we share. He ended it with "You are my lobster." For those of you who are "Friends" fans, you'll know what that means.

Here's to all of you, may your New Year be awesome!

Love, CrazyDogMama and the Fur-Butts

Ch-Ch-Changes

I need to make some. Smoking was a start, now it's time for some big ones. I am not sure exactly what yet, but I know I'm tired of being depressed and angry all the time. Getting back in shape is definitely one of them, but some sacrifices will have to be made to get there, and it will take lots of hard work. There are people who may not like some of the changes I will make, but OH WELL. Quitting the restaurant job and getting a new day job was a good change for me in 2005, but I need to make better use of the extra time I now have. This past week has been a shitty one for me, on many levels, but the pity-pot is getting pretty darn old. I want to smash it to pieces. Look out, people, here comes CRAZYDOGMAMA!

Adding to the Christmas Joy

I have the freaking flu. It started last night, the metallic taste in my mouth, the surreal feeling, and the sneezing. This morning upon waking from the NyQuil induced coma, I had a fever. Lovely. I'm working from home today (sort of) and drowning myself in Top Ramen because I can't have chicken soup. (It makes me poop funny.) The dogs are happy because Mama is home. They are curled up by my feet here at the computer. I have 2 Kleenex boxes, 2 bottles of NyQuil, my Top Ramen and a big, stupid blanket around me. I just sneezed and got snot all over my laptop monitor. Oops. Nice. The phone is ringing off the hook, and I don't care. Damn solicitors. and bill collectors. Leave me alone, its Christmas, and I'm sick! I think maybe it's time for a nap.

A Little "Grinchy"

Apparently, I'm all Bah Humbug this year, which is VERY uncharacteristic of me. I'm usually singing Christmas songs at my desk driving everyone crazy. It could be that I'm completely broke, or that I don't feel good, or that I just quit smoking or, well, any number of things really. I'm just a little blue this year. Someone (no name on it) left me a little present on my desk this morning. It is wrapped pretty with little gold chocolate coins taped to it. Someone is trying to cheer me up. I'm opening it even though it says, "Hands off until Christmas". Oh, and by the way, if I hear ONE more radio report of someone getting pissed over the word "Christmas" I am going to find that person and scream CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS! in their face for an hour while beating them with a tube of wrapping paper until they are unconscious. Fa-la-la.

It's a box of little Almond Roca Balls! How sweet! I don't hide my emotions very well. In fact, I am quite dramatic about everything. Shocker. I'll try to be better; I promise. I'll wish everyone a very Merry Christmas in between crying spells.

Um, Hello?

OK, none of you fuckers have commented on my new AWESOME CrazyDogMama banner. A friend of mine helped me with it because I am html-challenged. It looks 'clear' to me on my work computer, but fuzzy on my home computer. Let me know what you see and tell me how pretty. Or not.

I have nothing to wear.

Company Christmas party tonight. A dinner cruise with an open deck. Its 24 degrees outside, Jim has bronchitis and I have nothing to wear, which is the real issue. It is an open bar with no drink limit. Another problem.

Endearing or Gross?

Every morning when I step out of the shower, there Louie is, tongue ready to lick my legs. I don't know whether he is thirsty, if bath water tastes yummy or if he has just missed me during that long 20 minutes. It is a true mystery. Nevertheless, he does it. Every time. At first, I thought EWW! Dog saliva on my newly washed skin! But now, I look forward to it. He always comes running in as soon as I shut the water off. Don't judge me.

New Experiences

Let me tell you, with no nicotine, and very little caffeine in my system, things look different and feel different. I can breathe, but I can't think. I have been staring at my blank blogger screen for 10 minutes now and I just can't get my fingers to move. Work is slow right now and jamming a pen into my eye is starting to sound like a viable option. I don't want to talk to anyone in particular, but I want to talk. I want to ramble. About nothing, and everything. I don't feel like myself, but for the first time in a long time I have clarity. CLARITY.

Definition: clarity, lucidity, pellucidity, clearness, limpidity - free from obscurity and easy to understand; the comprehensibility of clear expression.

That really doesn't sound like me, does it?

I had no 'plan' to quit smoking, I just did it. I had wanted to do it for a long time, and had thought about it quite a bit, but there was no, "I am going to quit on such-and-such day." I just thought to myself, "I don't want these anymore" at 5 pm on the commute home one day last week. I smoked for 15 years. It was defining on some level. Who the hell AM I now? Holy crap, I am one of those nonsmoker people.

It's been a whole week and 2 days.

Since I've had one of these. It's very hard.

Saturday Morning at Crazydogmama's

We woke up to surprise snow. Watch out for the yellow spots! I took a picture of my cheesy-eggs, maple bacon, and toast with real butter, because who eats healthy when it snows? Me wants BACON.

Why I should not be allowed to drive with a camera.

I finally got my snow, but it didn't stick around for long.

As the famous "Dooce" once said, "Deck the Motherfucking Halls"

We didn't get any snow. It's all rain. I'm very disappointed. I stayed up late like a 4-year-old, waiting for the snow, that would never come. Damn weatherman. I had the hot chocolate ready and everything, with little marshmallows in it. I hurt my back AGAIN. I have no money. Don't talk to me today. I'm cranky.

Brrrr

It was 24 degrees outside this morning. This is highly unusual for us in November, AND there is a chance of snow tonight! I love the snow! (As long as it doesn't inconvenience me.) I'm sitting here eating a nice warm bowl of oatmeal while trying to remember that the long weekend is over, and I need to work now. Poo. I think I was asleep more than I was awake on Saturday and Sunday, but here comes Monday and it feels like I need toothpicks to keep my eyelids open. Go figure.

Important Question

How do you gracefully remove potato chip crumbs from your bra when the bathroom is occupied?

Answer: You do not. There is no dignified way to reach down into your bra and remove tiny barbecued potato chip crumbs in public. I speak from experience.

Garage Poker

Once upon a time, it was a boring Friday night at CrazyDogMama's house. She and her husband are so pitiful that they decide to play Poker (in the famous garage) with just each other because they apparently have no friends. What was even more pitiful was that CrazyDogMama lost and had to do the dishes. ANYWAY, I have to tell you that Poker is worse than frigging Monopoly. It takes FOREVER. I think we went through 3 packs of cigarettes and a case of beer. You know it's bad when you start betting the black chips when all you have in your hand is a pair of 2's, just to speed things along.

I've been learning "Texas Holdem" too, which is cool, except that I keep forgetting to flip over the cards when I'm dealing and keep WANTING to flip over the cards when I'm NOT dealing. (That could be the beer, though.) Yeah, it's looking like Saturday night will be CrazyDogMama's revenge. I wonder what will be at stake tonight.

100 Things

If you follow my Blog, you may already know some of this stuff, but read it anyways because what better way could you spend your time?

1. I had REALLY crooked buck teeth when I was young. (Got braces)
2. I will not eat meatloaf. Period. Not even yours.
3. I am geographically challenged.
4. The movie “Prophecy” scared the SHIT out me when I was young.
5. I like to smell my dogs; it is a comforting smell.
6. I hate (and I mean HATE) it when someone spells ‘lose’ with two O’s as “loose”. It really, really bugs me, people.
7. Since we have been together (12 years now) I have not been apart from my husband for more than 5 days, and only once was I gone 5 days.
8. I like meat served rare.
9. I don’t like old movies. (Black & White)
10. I don’t think infants are cute. Sorry.
11. I am allergic to cats, wasps and Sulfa.
12. I have worn Estee Lauder cosmetics since I was 16.
13. I have jumped out of an airplane seven times.
14. I still can’t drink Bourbon. (Not since I was 16, anyway.)
15. I have had food poisoning 3 times, from Mayonnaise on a Subway sandwich, from sausage on a "Little Caesar's" pizza, and from grocery store sushi.
16. I got the chicken pox when I was 21.
17. I hardly had anything to do with planning my own wedding. My bridesmaids did most of it for me.
18. I hate thong underwear.
19. I love thunderstorms. I made my husband turn the TV off the other day so I could listen to one.
20. My favorite vegetables are onions, peppers, squash and asparagus.
21. My favorite herb is cilantro.
22. I hate creamed corn, peas, water chestnuts and most kinds of mushrooms.
23. My blood type is B+.
24. I was born on a Friday.
25. I have a bachelor’s degree from the University of Washington.
26. The song "Worlds Apart" by "Jars of Clay" makes me cry EVERY. TIME. I. LISTEN. TO. IT.
27. I don’t mind the rain and I know how to drive in the snow.
28. The colors in the front room of my house are red, orange and purple.
29. I would rather email than talk on the phone.
30. All my DVDs are in alphabetical order.
31. I can gross anyone out. Guaranteed.
32. I love theme and amusement parks.
33. I don’t really like popcorn, but I’ll eat my husband’s when I’m at the movies.
34. I hate arrogance. I cannot stay friends with someone arrogant.
35. I hate the month of February.
36. I could eat (good) Italian food every day.
37. I am a total klutz.
38. I don’t like fruit by itself. It has to be in or with something else.
39. I’m claustrophobic and have arachnophobia.
40. I only make the bed when company is coming over.
41. I have to wash my bath towel after every use. It's just a thing with me.
42. If I don’t get AT LEAST 8 hours of sleep, just forget it.
43. I love fuzzy martinis.
43. My favorite "Atari" game was "Adventure".
44. Don’t put nuts in my dessert.
45. My favorite flowers are Tulips and Stargazer Lilies.
46. I hate riding a regular bike, but I love motorcycles.
47. I love 70’s music.
48. When I laugh really hard, tears roll down my cheeks uncontrollably.
49. I couldn’t belch (loud) until I was 25.
50. I was in a Spelling Bee once. I lost.
51. I drink milk with pizza.
52. I saw "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the theatre 7 times.
53. I am always pulling my underwear out of my butt.
54. I like the smell of gasoline.
55. I use Mentadent toothpaste.
56. I use the ring that my cell phone came with. I am not going to change it.
57. I don’t know how to sew.
58. I hate musicals.
59. My favorite Dean Koontz book is a toss-up between "Intensity" and "Watchers".
60. I don’t wear earrings very often, although I have tons of them.
61. I can sleep anytime, anywhere, unless I have insomnia.
62. I like to cook.
63. I don’t like to garden.
64. My favorite time of year is the Fall.
65. I love Christmastime.
66. I learned how to play poker last summer.
67. I still don’t know how to play checkers.
68. I made up a game called “Keep off the Floor” when I was little. It was like ‘Blind Man’s Bluff” except you had to crawl around on the furniture and never touch the floor. I always got everyone in trouble playing it.
69. “The Brave Little Toaster” is the best cartoon ever made.
70. I like to crack my knuckles.
71. I hate shopping for clothes.
72. I put Tabasco on everything.
73. I don’t use hairspray anymore. In the 80’s, though, I went through a can a week.
74. I like having long fingernails.
75. I really want to visit Santorini, Greece.
76. I used to sleepwalk.
77. I talk in my sleep.
78. I remember my dreams every night.
79. I can’t put eye drops in my eyes.
80. I sweat A LOT. ALL THE TIME. I hate it.
81. I hate dirty or stained carpeting. I am always obsessing about my carpet.
82. The fitted sheet on my bed is always messed up or coming off. I never fix it.
83. I cannot sleep with more than one pillow.
84. I know all the words to "Take it Easy" by the Eagles, and it is uncanny how much I sound like Axel Rose when I’m singing "Sweet Child ‘O Mine".
85. I really must have croutons on my salad.
86. I take my wedding ring off at night, so it won’t rip the bed sheets, and often times I forget to put it back on in the morning. People always ask me about it and I say, “Sometimes I’m married, sometimes I’m not.” They don’t know what to say to that.
87. My husband is a war veteran.
88. I use the butt-warmer button in my car in the summertime.
89. I have to have the air-conditioning on in my bedroom every night. Even if it 2 degrees outside.
90. When I am sitting, I bounce/jiggle my right leg up and down continuously like a jackhammer. It drives everyone nuts. I can’t help it.
91. I used to have a really cute squeaky girl-sneeze; now it is just loud, obnoxious and messy. My husband really misses my cute sneezes.
92. I don’t like “The Beatles”.
93. I don’t like “Elvis”.
94. I am usually always wearing something black.
95. I can’t keep lipstick on, I subconsciously lick it off within 5 minutes.
96. If I am trying to find an address when driving, I can’t have the radio on because it is too distracting.
97. I hate wearing a seatbelt.
98. When I talk on my cell phone too long, my hand/arm goes numb.
99. I wear perfume every day.
100. I have one tattoo.

Flying in a Cessna

I got to go on a plane ride yesterday on my lunch break! One of the engineers I work with is a pilot, and he takes turns giving us all rides, and it was my turn today. So fun! First time I've been in a Cessna without jumping out of it. LOL! In the photos you'll see Seattle and Lake Washington.

Halloween 2005

Theme: Drunken Disco Bliss of the 70’s. Don’t even ask, Jim was dressed up as Captain Spaulding from “House of 1000 Corpses”. (Well, SHIT the bed!) He rationalized that the movie plot took place in the 70’s, so it was an allowed costume at the 70’s-themed party. I especially liked the “Bob Ross Happy Trees” T-shirt. Later in the evening, Jim decided to wear my wig. He makes a lovely blonde, no? It was frightening.

Baby Boom

Everyone seems to be having babies right now. Bloggers, neighbors, celebrities, everyone! It's like nature is on a baby binge. I don't know whether to congratulate you all or send my condolences. I know, I know, a baby is a gift from God, but STILL. Its freaking me out! Everywhere I look there are baby heads! I must tell you, though, that I had sympathy-heaves for you this morning. I woke up and had dry heaves for like, an HOUR. No, I'm not pregnant, don't go there.

Angry CrazyDogMama

So, what the hell is this new trend (that makes me want to chain them up and throw them in my crawlspace) where older kids come to my door on Halloween wanting candy WITHOUT A FUCKING COSTUME ON? They don't even say "Trick or Treat"! People are saying that if you don't comply (give them candy anyways) then your house or car will get vandalized, or some such shit. REALLY? BRING IT. I'm going to stay up on my roof all night with a pellet gun and pick off the first motherfucker who comes near my house.