Guess Who?

Yeah, its baby CrazyDogMama.  My mom likes to send me these photos over email.  Does it look like I'm holding my breath, or is it just me?  What a goofball.  

Need a good laugh?

I found a blog (Out of Character), and I laughed like I haven't laughed in a long time. This statement alone made me choke on my spit:
 
"I paid $400.65 for a doggie door that The Jake won't use. Well, to be fair he'll use it if I hold it open. Which is something, I guess. Because that's what I had in mind when I wrote the check; a contraption that would cost fat cash, destroy my door, and not dissuade my dog from crapping in the dining room. Awesome."

Look who has comments!

Okay kids, play nice now.

I am one of those neat-freaks.

Recently inspired by Yogagirl's post of her newly organized bookshelf, I decided to post some pictures of what I do for FUN. I like to help people clean and organize their homes. I can't do the fancy stuff like on "Clean Sweep" (my favorite show), but my neighbors seem to worship me anyways. I work for rubber stamps. I clean, they give me rubber stamps for use in my scrapbooks. I really enjoy organizing other people's shit. I don't know why. I think I need to find a way to make money at this.
 
Here are some pics of some recent work I did (which is still in progress), for those of you who still aren't convinced I'm crazy.

Lou Story

Usually, Maggie sleeps in the bed with us and doesn't budge from her little spot no matter what. We try to get Louie to sleep on the bed also, but he is Mr. Grumpy and gets all flustered if a foot moves. He most always jumps down onto the floor beside the bed and sleeps there if our bedroom door is closed, or if it is open, he goes into his crate. Last night, we decided to crate them for bedtime because it was extremely humid, and we didn't need any extra fur in the bed. However, Jim forgot to lock Louie's crate when he sent him in there. Just as I was about to doze off, I hear a 'thud' and the bedroom door squeaking open.  Just before I had a heart attack, I heard the little tinkling of Louie's collar. (A dogmama can always identify dogs by the sound of their collar.) He curled up next to my side of the bed and went to sleep. I was so happy! I thought he only did that when we forced him! He actually likes sleeping in the same room with us! What do you know! CrazyDogMama went to sleep with a smile on her face, feeling loved. It's the little things.

Wanna get freaked out?

As I've said before, you have to take everything you read on the internet with a grain of salt, BUT, what if it has some amount of truth to it? I've researched a little on "official" government websites, and there just may be a reason to be concerned about some things.

You may be wondering if I've lost my mind completely. Well, maybe, but over the last 4 months or so I've been experiencing a "feeling" I can't explain and have never felt before. It is sort of an unsettling feeling that something big is imminent. What I mean by "big" is, possible earth changes or social unrest/war escalation. You might think it is just because of the war in Iraq, etc., but truly, it has nothing to do with that. It's weird dreams, weird feelings and a general feeling that something is wrong. It is driving me batshit, actually. I've never been interested in this kind of information before, and I can't explain the way I feel. My husband keeps rolling his eyes at me and says I watch too many silly movies. I feel like an idiot about it, but I can't help it. It's a really STRONG feeling. I am not scared at all, I don't get that way, but it definitely makes me want to be in the know.

On a positive note, it looks like we might actually get the painting done by the weekend! Woohoo!

Miss Me?

I have avoided my computer for a whole week. This hasn't happened in like, EVER. Usually when I'm on vacation my husband has to pry me away from uninterrupted internet time. Not this time. I got this wild hair up my ass to PAINT THE INSIDE OF MY HOUSE. Somebody needed to warn me that this is quite possibly the STUPIDEST FUCKING THING TO DO ON VACATION. I have never cussed as much as I cussed last week....and we aren't even finished yet! I have rounded corners and texture. Making a straight line is harder than Chinese arithmetic. The dogs have been hiding from me, which is probably a good thing because little doggie nose-prints in the paint would probably not be as cute and funny as it would normally be. Everything in my house is in the middle of the living room. It smells like paint and dust. I didn't realize how much cleaning is involved when you paint. It is quite possible that I have ruined my nails. FOREVER. Eating take-out every night because your kitchen looks like WWIII, gets old quick. My knees will never recover, and I can't wear shorts because of the severe bruising. It (of course) is going to be 80+ degrees today. My neck hurts. If anyone comes into my house and says "you missed a spot" I will probably kill them. Dead. I will post before and after pics if we EVER finish.

Other than that, we had a fun little 4th of July bash. We barbecued with friends and family, drank, and did the pyromania thing. Jim had not shot off fireworks for about 10 years, and so, it was quite terrifying. A tip: When you light off mortars, unravel the fuse completely. Jim did not do this. He put the ball in the tube, lit it, and then BOOM! Shrapnel EVERYWHERE, in EVERY DIRECTION. He completely destroyed the tube. There was screaming, then silence. Then laughing. Someone said, "I think you did that wrong." DERRRRRR. Have another beer, honey. No one was hurt, but we won't live that one down for sure.

MAG-ATTACK!

The dogs are really funny when they play in the back yard. Maggie will huddle like a cheetah getting ready to attack, then BOOM! She surprise-plows Louie. He freaks out EVERY time. The fireworks have started here, and Maggie is on the bark-and-run-around-like-a-freak routine already. She is such a little spazoid.

Normal or Not?

After reading Skwigg's latest blog entry, I started thinking about my own body image and relationship with food. I am not quite sure if I have (or have had) a disorder or not. I've been thin, I've been fat, I've been in-between. I've been a lazy couch potato, and I've been an athlete. Did I gain weight after marriage? Of course. I don't think I gained because I got "comfortable", but more because my life became extremely stressful and chaotic and went from obstacle courses at the Police Academy to sitting in front of a computer all day. I couldn't afford a gym at that time and didn't handle ANY kind of domestic dispute with ease. My marriage started off pretty rough, but I never thought for one second "Oh, I got a man, so who cares anymore." I used to care what people thought of me, but anymore I'm like "You don't like my body? Bite me, I don't like your face." I really just don't care what anyone else thinks. I want to be healthy and pretty for hubby, but he doesn't exactly spend a whole lot of time worrying about his gut. But I don't care about that, either. I like to tease him lovingly and kiss his fat, as he does mine.

I think it would be much fun to "strut my stuff" around with a very ripped, tan bod, but I'm not going to starve myself for it. I'm just going to keep plugging away at my muscle-building and healthy eating. I still smoke, so my health is at stake. It would be stupid to be all thin, and still hack up lung cheese. I have good weeks, and bad weeks, and in the end, I'm still just running the race with all the other gym rats. I had to find a "fun" way to it, just like Skwigg did with her martial arts. The same routine everyday bores me to DEATH. For me, I am experimenting with different classes (yoga, Aeroflex, etc.) and meeting fun people. I'm trying to get a friend of mine to split time with me and my personal trainer, to make it cheaper and that much more fun. We are both sarcastic and feisty, and it would just be a blast. I am also going to be swimming, hiking and finding fun things to do this summer. If I have a mocha for breakfast, oh well, I'll have a protein shake for breakfast tomorrow. Life is short, people, don't waste it worrying about every little calorie. Do your best to be healthy, get help if you need it. I've had therapy, a personal trainer, a nutritionist, you name it. Every one of those things was beneficial in some way and has helped me. EDUCATION! The more you know, the better.

My philosophy about self-image is this: Nothing will ever be good enough. You will never be perfect. It's just like money, you can never have too much, and even if you are a billionaire, you still want more and fight like hell to keep it. Find a happy medium and celebrate what life has to offer, because before you know it your teeth will falling out and your boobs will be dragging on the floor. When you are 90, do want to be showing everyone how good you "used to look" in pictures while secretly miserable because you aren't that way anymore, or having tea and crumpets in the garden laughing with your friends talking about how great your life has been?

A couple days of eats this week:

1. Iced mocha WITH WHIPCREAM! Vitamins.
2. Banana and some lean Canadian bacon
3. Grilled chicken with a little teriyaki, 1/4 cup brown rice, small romaine salad with vinegar
4. Ostrich stick, and protein shake
5. Grilled vegetable medley with flax oil, seasoned lean beef
6. Zone bar

1. Piece of wheat toast with peanut butter, protein shake. Vitamins
2. Ostrich stick, banana
3. Egg white omelet with green, yellow and orange peppers, onion, tomato and flax oil. Berries.
4. Zone bar
5. Seasoned chicken breast, small potato, salad with lite dressing and fat free croutons and veggies.
6. 6 oz of crab meat mixed with fat-free mayo and diced veggies over a piece of wheat toast. Same salad as previous meal. Iced mocha for dessert.

I have absolutely no idea how many calories that is, or what my protein/carb/fat ratio is. I worked out hard for 60 minutes at the gyms the first, and 75 minutes the second. I feel great. I got over my cold pretty quickly. I still have a ton a weight I want to lose, but ONE day at a time, baby! ;-)

Oh, I forgot.

I got a new part-time restaurant job. It is the CUTEST PLACE EVER. A little French bistro called the "Country Garden Bistro" owned and run by the sweetest couple.

Come on, VACATION!

I'm going on vacation next week, and damn, it can't get here fast enough. This morning, I am sitting here staring at my computer screen like it is going to do something spectacular. It's not doing anything, and neither am I. Updating my blog, checking my email and drinking coffee is the only thing I have accomplished so far in my first hour. Oh, and I went to the bathroom. Geez.

I took an "Aeroflex" class last night at the new gym. It kicked my ass. 75 minutes of low impact cardio with 10lb weights. It doesn't sound like it would kick a BFLer's ass, but it did. After the 5 billionth squat and 6 billionth lunge, I thought I was going to pass out. Its very sad when you start sweating in the warmup phase. I'll be doing this twice a week.

Does anyone else have trouble with saunas? I can't breathe, then I panic and run out. People stare. It's just too hot! Are there really any benefits, or is it just supposed to be a relaxing thing? I don't get it.

Cough, sneeze, hack and wince.

Well, it looks like I've caught the bug that everyone else seems to have, just in time for the weekend. Lucky me. Wouldn't you know it? I join an expensive gym, then work two double-shifts in a row and get sick. There goes the first week.

My throat is absolutely killing me. I hope it's not strep. I seem to get that every year for some reason. I'm going to work a few more hours, then head home for the bed. I hate leaving stuff half finished, plus I want to infect all the people that have pissed me off this week. Muwahaha! (Evil laugh) Oops, the evil laugh made me feel like I am gonna puke. Snot does that to me. Gross.

CrazyDogMama in trouble, whoops.

I got a little "talking-to" last night about my "attitude". Hehe. That statement right there probably makes my audience howl in laughter.

I decided to tell my boss he was "doing-it-wrong". Apparently, this is not a good idea. Challenging authority is one of my strengths. I just don't have it in me to kiss-ass.

I took the plunge.

I did it. I joined a conventional gym. My old gym was primarily serious and/or professional bodybuilders and only had free weights and a few treadmills/stairmasters. It was also cheap. After my membership expired, it just so happened that this big pretty gym opened up very close to my house. (The old gym is next to my work an hour away.) I took the tour last night - hot tubs, saunas, big yoga rooms, TVs attached to the cardio equipment - WOW. Now, you are probably thinking, why is this such a big deal for you? It is a big deal because I hate the whole "meat market" and women-who-look-like-they-don't-eat kind of gyms. I sweat, I grunt, I don't wear thong spandex. We're talking sweats and a t-shirt here, people. I don't do my hair. I don't wear makeup. What's the point when you are doing HIIT?? They are putting in a pool soon, too, so I am excited about that. I LOVE to swim. I'm sure I will get *those* looks from all the girlie-girls, and probably the guys too. The pretty boys always act like you are intruding on their turf. Well, they can just get over it. Make way, here comes CRAZYDOGMAMA!!!

Spinning

Ugh. Too much Tequila last night. Almost got sick. Slept on the couch. What a tard. Not good this morning. Poor Jim was expecting his Father's Day gift last night, (if you know what I mean) but me got lit. Oops. Any additional movement would have sent me hurling.

I have only ingested an iced mocha and a zone bar so far today. Not great, but I don't want to push it. I'm going to TRY to eat a whole wheat, black bean and chicken burrito for lunch. I may leave out the salsa. Hehe. I have an appointment with the new gym I may join, today. It is very pretty. I just have to do a little bartering. If they want my business, which you know they do since they are new, they will give me what I want. I hope. They have a hot tub in each locker room, along with a sauna. The pool goes in next year. They also have Yoga classes, yay! I hope I can afford it.

Dog Thoughts

I got this really cute email awhile back, and even though you may have already read it, I thought that it was WAY appropriate for my blog:

Things I MUST remember as a dog:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it - or after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.

10. I will not eat anymore Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom and then have string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option just after getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".

24. I will not hump on any person's leg, just because I thought it was a good idea.

25. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean its cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Dog Vogue

OK, I've been alerted to the "lack of doggie pictures" lately. I don't want anyone to go thru withdrawal, so here ya go:

Here are the fuzzy freaks in my car. We were a little early for our vet appointment, so I decided to snap some shots of them. They were just a little uptight at this point, but that is really nothing new. Every time someone walked by, I was trampled and deafened.

OK, Stephanie, I'll play.

1. Spell your name backwards: lyrehc. Haha! Like in a song, baby!

2. Where do you live? Bumfuck, Washington.

3. Describe yourself in three words: Crazy, intense, sarcastic. (What were you expecting?)

4. What is the latest you've ever stayed up? Oh, come on! Who hasn't stayed up all night? I've stayed up for about 48 hours - that's the most.

5. If you could murder someone and get away with it, who and for what reason? I believe in the Judeo-Christian ethics of "Thou shalt not kill" but I would defend myself without hesitation.

6. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? Duh! Many dogs.

Do you like...?

7. ...incense? Kinda - depends on why you are using it. *snicker*.

8. ...hot wax? Never thought about it.

9. ...candles? Yup.

10. ...the taste of blood? No-I'm not a friggin' vampire. I like the smell of gas, though.

Describe your...

11. ...wallet: Big black leather girl-wallet. Lots of plastic in it. *sigh* Gotta cut those up.

12. ...hairbrush: Huge.

13. ...toothbrush: Yellow and white - from the dentist.

14. ...jewelry worn daily: Wedding ring, 30th birthday diamond ring. Sometimes other stuff.

15. ...pillowcase: Cream with a green plant-like pattern

16. ...duvet cover: I have a comforter that matches my pillowcase.

17. ...coffee cup: Whatever Starbucks gives me when I order...

18. ...sunglasses: Ralph Lauren. You saw in pic in one of my earlier posts.

19. ...underwear: I like big, comfy undees or I go commando.

20. ...shoes: The expensive kind. I like black leather. I don't wear shoes at home.

21. ...handbag: The biggest, cheapest black one I could find at Target. I'm not a purse-whore.

22. ...favourite top: My Texas Chainsaw Massacre T-shirt.

23. ...favourite trousers: Levi's.

24. ...perfume: Beautiful - Estee Lauder.

25. ...CD in stereo right now: Hoobastank - Reason.

26. ...tattoos: A heart with rose piercing through it - with Jim's name at the bottom. It's on my right ankle.

30. ...piercings: Just one in each ear. I'm not into pain of any kind.

27. ..what you're wearing: Lime green cotton shirt, black pants, black leather shoes.

28. ...hair: Dirty blonde with platinum highlights. Naturally curly, but I straighten it too.

What/Who is/are...

29. ...in your mouth: Saliva.

30. ...in your head: Not much.

31. ...you wishing for? That they let me off work early tonight at the restaurant.

32. ...after this? I gotta go to work when I get off work. Yeah, it sucks.

33. ...you talking to? Just singing to the radio.

34. ...you eating? Just drinking water.

35. ...next to you? Computer, water bottle, hand lotion, and a bunch of work I should be doing.

36. ...the person you wish you could be with right now? My hubby of course.

37. ...your worst enemy? Bread? No, wait, mochas.

38. ...do you adore? Family (hubby, parents, stepson, dogs)

Care to play?

Thunder, Lightning and the Barbecue

Last night we decided we wanted to barbecue some chicken while my parents were visiting. Just as Jim lit the coals, BOOM! Big thunder and pretty lightning bolts. Louie started whining and pacing, and Maggie barked and ran around the back yard trying to "get" the thunder. (She's fearless, Louie is a pussy.) The weird thing is, we get maybe one or two storms like this a year, and we have had, like, twelve in the last month. Washington has also had about 6 tornados in the past few weeks, and we usually only experience maybe ONE per year. The weather has just gone all frigging wacky here. It's bizarre I tell you! Just bizarre! Anyway, we continued barbecuing (yeah, we like to play with metal things while is it storming) and then it decided to deluge on us. Crap. Finished the chicken in the oven. While sitting down at dinner, everyone commented on the fact that I was sweating profusely. I don't deal with humidity well. All in all, it was an exciting dinner. Oh, and I have a fabulous new read! It went great with the weather.

Fat Doggies!

So, Friday was a big day for Lou & Mags. They were groomed in the morning, and then got their annual exams and shots in the afternoon. They are healthy and pretty EXCEPT that they are both 4 pounds overweight! Yikes! The vet was concerned and told me to put them on a diet right away. I am worried, but I have to be honest, inflicting a diet on someone else is curiously satisfying.