What a Difference Time Makes

I looked back today at where my life was just 4 years ago.  I read my journal and went through my blog archives, and I was astonished!  Never in my wildest dreams (or nightmares) could I have ever imagined where I would end up.  The future is simply not predicable, I'm telling you.  You may have plans, but they just don't turn out *exactly* how you think they will, sometimes they turn out better and sometimes not, but in the end, they turn out just as they were supposed to.

I was severely struggling in my life; my marriage had ended; my dad had passed away and I was feeling lost and confused and walking around in circles.  Amazingly enough, I was trying to be positive about life and throwing my humor and sarcasm around to survive it, but I really lacked direction.  I got it together, though, and made some major changes, and I am such a different person now.  I'm still a little sarcastic, but in a much different mindset.  I feel like I have almost lived an entire life in 7 short years.  A big event was about to happen, my promotion and the move to California, which set so many things in motion that I was unaware of.

The Art of Not Giving a ***k

I just read the single most hilarious article of my life.  Seriously.  If you have an aversion to f-bombs, don't bother reading it, but if you find that cussing can be quite comic and cathartic, I urge you to read it RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  Don't drink anything while reading or I promise you it will come out of your nose within the first few paragraphs.  I don't give a fuck either way, but I needed a laugh and perhaps you do, too.  Aside from the humor, the article also has some pretty great insight and is worth the read.  Love it!  Enjoy!  I will be sending the author (Mark) an email telling him how much I appreciate his writing style.

Celebrating 2 Years!

I met Dale 2 years ago on February 20, 2013.  I had no idea just how much he would change my life!  He was there for me through the sickness and death of my mom, a major back surgery (soon to be another, gah!) and many other life-changing events.  He is a wonderful person, a good man, and I love him with all my heart.  He moved in a year ago and every day is fun, peaceful and kind.  I go to bed happy and wake up smiling.  We travel, we bought a camper and I'm doing things I never thought I would get to do!  Our lives have issues (who's doesn't?) but we build each other up and have each other's backs.  His generosity and big heart have given me faith in the human race again.  He has even made my dog, Maggie, a puppy again. Those two are adorable together!

I love you, Dale!  Thank you for making my life better and healing all the wounds!  xoxo

And then she found KRAV MAGA

Hello everybody!  I am now also writing in another blog called "And then she found Krav Maga", and here is the first post:

Hi!  My name is Cheryl, and I am a brand-new member at KRAV MAGA OC (Orange County) in California.  My goal is to share my journey with you into the world of Krav Maga, and maybe even entertain you a little, too.  As you read, perhaps you will be able to relate, or maybe you have had a completely different experience, but regardless of whether you are new like me, or are a seasoned veteran, we all have a story to tell, and our connection will be our passion to better ourselves in this unique and fascinating discipline!

So, a little about me.  I'm a 42-year-old woman (who is not afraid to reveal her age, ha!) who moved to Orange County about 4 years ago from Seattle, Washington.  Due to a series of traumatic life-changing events, I had become seriously overweight and unhealthy, and about a year ago my doctor urged me to find an exercise program I could stay consistent with.  I found out quickly I am not a person who enjoys treadmills, spin class or any type of mind-numbing repetitive gym routines.  After almost bursting into tears one day on the treadmill from sheer boredom, I went home and logged onto my computer in search of a solution.  Boxing.  Kickboxing.  Mixed Martial Arts.  Hmmm, THAT sounded interesting!  So, I promptly hired a personal trainer to help me.  I sucked at all of them.  Badly.  But, as time went on, I started to lose weight, get stronger and I realized I was actually having fun doing it!  Unfortunately, my trainer moved up to Torrance, CA, over an hour away, and so I found myself looking again, for a solution.  Enter Krav Maga OC!  It took me about 20 minutes to research what the heck "KRAV MAGA" was, and how to SAY IT.  I started asking around and although some people knew about it, mostly I got the "Krav what?" response.  I loved the fact that it seemed even more interesting than the standard Boxing/MMA stuff, and I have to admit I secretly found the words "combat tactics" exciting.  I was also super interested in learning self-defense - something useful while getting in shape!  Learning punches, kicks and other movements is fun and certainly a great way to get in shape, but what I was really looking for is how to USE them in a real-life situation, because you know, you probably won't have your boxing gloves on when the guy with the mask is mugging you at the ATM, nor will you be in your "workout" mindset.  I want to know how to instinctively MOVE and give myself a fighting chance!  There have been times in my life when I was in danger and these skills would have been invaluable to have.  Hopefully I will not have to use these skills to defend myself in the future, but I sure do want to be a bit more prepared if I do!  Do my friends think I'm crazy?  Maybe a little.  But my joining in sure has created a buzz in my circle and I am so excited to get started!

So there you have it.  I am not young.  I do not have six-pack abs.  I'm just an average girl looking for a more meaningful way of moving and challenging my mind and body.  I have a found a new passion!

If you are interested in reading more, here is the link:  http://andthenshefoundKravMaga.blogspot.com/

Freelancing

So, I have a brand-new life!  Again!  After my mom passed away last June from lung cancer, I really started to reevaluate everything.  I took a long road trip with my boyfriend all the way to Corpus Christie, Texas (I have never been able to travel before), my stepson moved in for 5 months before going to school in Chicago, and I quit my job in December!  Deciding to quit my job was a HUGE decision for me because I have been in the same industry, doing the same thing, for almost 20 years!  I have to say, it was the best decision I have ever made.  I was seriously burnt out and realized that I wasn't happy with my vocation.  I had a unique opportunity for the first time in my life to make a drastic change.  Being financially stable for the moment, I took the leap into freelance writing!  Writing professionally of course isn't something that happens overnight, but I am working my way slowly into some cool things and I am optimistic that if I just keep going and don't give up, I will find my niche. 

My office is now in my living room where I can work in my PJ's, drink coffee and take as many swimming breaks and naps as I want!  Well, actually, there haven't been too many breaks lately because I have been as busy as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, but seriously, it's cool.  I have embarked on finishing up the remodeling of the house, started doing "Krav Maga", an Israeli combat fighting discipline and, well, that's enough, isn't it?  I plan on blogging about my Arizona-New Mexico-Texas trip and the remodel, but for now just an update.  It's time for one of those naps!

Pink Mace

I have a funny story. First, though, I have to say that I have the sweetest, most protective boyfriend EVER.
So, the other night we were watching TV when we heard the mail slot in my front door squeaking open and close, open and close. Since the mailman had already been here, it was late, and you can see inside the house when you open it, we both immediately rushed to the front door. Dale was checking the dead bolt and holding the doorknob shut and trying to get me AWAY from the door because I was trying to open it to see who it was and preparing myself to go all Chuck Norris on their ass. He wasn't having it. LOL. Suddenly, mail comes flying through the slot. We looked at each other and laughed because it became obvious some neighbor got my mail by mistake and was getting it to me. How nice. The next night, Dale presented me with the pictured pink can of mace. As he handed it to me, he saw my expression and conceded to say, "Just please spray first, THEN you kick them in the face, OK?" ROFLMAO!!! He knows me all too well.

Crazy Tired

I drove home from training in Torrance tonight with my boxing wraps on because I was just plain too tired to take them off.  I finished and just grabbed my bag and slowly walked out the door to my truck. No shower, no socializing, no nothing. Some days I train with a vengeance, and other days I am a train wreck. Today I was a train wreck. I just didn't have the right kind of energy or something. I had 7 min left (enough for one last round) when I reached my last rep doing leg lifts (for sit-ups/kicks). I just laid there in a pool of my own sweat (K calls me a "sweat angel") on my back on the floor in front of about 100 people in the gym, eyes closed, breathing heavy. K looked down at me and said, "It looks like you're done for tonight." I said "Yes, stick a fork in me." K laughed. "OK, I'll cut you a break tonight, but not tomorrow." Me, "Thank the good Lord in Heaven."

 

 

Food, My Friend

Food. An easy substance for all of us to abuse. It is much easier (easier, not easy) to quit smoking than eat healthy all the time because all you have to do is not pick up a cigarette again. You have to deal with food all day, every day. You can't ignore it.

If my trainer (K) had his way, I would be eating 4 meals a day, all before 7 pm, all protein with good carbs like veges and brown rice. It doesn't happen. At least not 100% of the time. What I do is give it my best shot. I make sure I eat protein with every meal (chicken, eggs, beef tenderloin, turkey, whey, shrimp), try to have a big portion of veges at least once (better twice) of asparagus, cauliflower, peppers, onions, spinach, brussel sprouts, and a smaller portion of some carb. I don't always pick the best carbs, but I don't eat much bread or pasta these days and I lay off the sugar as much as I can. I drink pretty much only water, tea, black coffee and nonfat milk in small portions. K says more important than anything is portion control. Today I had oatmeal with protein powder (whey) for breakfast, a small black bean burrito with salsa for lunch, and I split a big helping of beef fajitas into two meals for supper and dinner. Pretty good day. Then I made cookies. OOPS. Crap. But really, it is WAY better than I used to do, which was eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I didn't care. I didn't care what it did to me; I didn't even care if it killed me. But I have to care. Things changed big time for me, though, and I stopped not caring whether I lived or died. I have a purpose; things do happen for a reason, and life is not to be wasted. I don't make eating complicated; I just follow what I said above the best I can. I don't count calories; I don't eat or drink "diet" anything and I don't eat things I don't like. End of story.

Pre-back surgery dinner!

Spicy shrimp linguini pomodoro with basil and a garlic bread stick!  Yum!  Figured I would eat something good (BAD!) before having to deal with hospital food tomorrow.  Yup, back surgery tomorrow afternoon, yikes.  Can't wait to get this over with and get back to boxing with my favorite retired UFC fighter!  :-)

The Graduate!

My stepson graduated from AMDA in Hollywood, CA this weekend and I couldn't be prouder!  He is so grown up.  With all of his family visiting from different states, he still wanted to ride with me all day to the various celebrations/events.  It made me feel so special. :-)  Next weekend he is taking me to some play based on the Exorcist, LOL!  We bond over our mutual love of all thing's horror!

I never thought I could be so happy.

I am dealing with some pretty heavy stuff that normally would tip me right over the edge, but I feel incredibly blessed.  My life has taken many hard turns over the years and lessons-a-plenty I have learned.  All those things that happened that I thought were bad, though, turned out to be blessings in disguise and fatefully took me to the place I'm at now.  I wouldn't do anything different.  I wouldn't be the person I am today if I had gone down a different road.

My mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness almost a year ago, and I am laid up with a herniated disc in my back that is excruciatingly painful, but because of these things, an incredible bond and friendship with my mom has developed that is deeper and more loving than I could have ever imagined!  I have been forced to stay at home and learn what is important in life, and well, I have had to deal with myself!  You can't run from your thoughts when you are down for the count. These are precious days.

Since I moved to California 3 years ago, I have had the time of my life!  I live in a beautiful paid-for house with a pool, I've become even closer with my step son and have watched him grow up and get through college (he is graduating next weekend!), I get to go to Disneyland all the time, I've started traveling more, I make a ton a money and don't even really have to work anymore if I don't want to, I have a great job that lets me work from home to take care of my mom, I've met some incredible people who have turned into irreplaceable friends, I found a hobby I love (boxing) with the best trainer EVER (Krzysztof), I gained a second mom in my mom's best friend Cathy (my Godmother), and last February I met a really great (and hot!) guy with a huge heart (Dale) that I love spending time with, just when I was convinced there were no decent single guys left on the earth!  I know that even when my mom passes and I become the last standing in my family, I will have an awesome non-blood family that I adore and that I know will be there for me.  I also get to see my best friend in the whole world all the time even though she lives in Seattle because we make sure to talk every day and visit each other as often as possible.

So, even with the challenges ahead of me, I am truly grateful for my life.  I never knew happiness the way I know it now; I have peace and love in my life, and I give all the thanks to God who told me everything was going to work out, I just never really believed Him.

My Epidural Steroid Injection

OK, epidural over with. If anyone tells you it is no big deal to get an epi injection for a bulging herniated disc is LYING! First of all, they put you on this ironing board (narrow) bed thing with your butt sticking up in the air, then they give you "light" sedation which doesn't do diddly squat, then they stick you in the back/butt/hip 3 times for local anesthetic which KILLS, then BOOM they cram this huge, long needle into your lower back and send you through the freaking roof!! I screamed into my pillow and bit down on my own hand to keep from punching everyone in the room. OMG it felt like the nerve in my left leg was going to explode! OUCH! Then, while writhing around in the recovery room moaning, the pain finally started to subside. The nurse said my blood pressure and heart rate were dangerously high from the pain, but the fact that I had that much of a pain reaction was a "good thing" because it means the doctor nailed the right area and my chance for success was much higher. I hope she is right, cuz I ain't doin' that again. The pain is supposed to slowly go away over the next week and the full effect of the injection should take place on the 6th or 7th day. I go back to physical therapy on Friday and if it holds, I will be back to normal in 2 to 3 weeks. Finger and toes crossed and prayers-a-plenty! Back surgery, if needed, would have a 6 week recovery and I would go crazy, so I don't want that. K is excited for me to come back and we will work up VERY slowly, concentrating on strengthening my core. I didn't gain any weight back on my hiatus, I actually lost 12 pounds, so that won't be an issue thank the LORD.

I feel pretty good tonight, my back feels "stronger", meaning I can stand up straight. Previously I would have to hunch over and then sit back down after a few minutes from my back muscles giving out. I have to take it very easy the next few days, so blah, but I'm SOOOO glad that is over with and seems to be working so far.

Dismal MRI Results. Arg.

So last Wednesday I FINALLY got the MRI, albeit an "open" MRI so that I stopped having panic attacks.  I have an appointment to see a specialist tomorrow morning and my doctor STILL hasn't returned any of my phone calls asking for the results. I called maybe 20 times. I think the receptionist wants to kick me in my female parts. I have to go in tomorrow with XRAY and MRI stuff in my hands, so I had also called the diagnostic place and put in an order for the CDs. Because my doc didn't call with a summary and tell me what is wrong with me in ENGLISH, I had to read the report myself. Yeah, so it says "Blah blah blah, bulging blah blah severe, blah blah L4, L5 and S1 with mild to moderate blah. I *think* I have deciphered it to mean I have a herniated disc or two with some arthritis. Not good, the report was scary.  So, I will have to find out the details tomorrow.  I think everyone has it out for me to just continue to be in massive pain.  Good times.

Iced Coffee is my Life

There is a blogger out there who UNDERSTANDS. I love coffee; all kinds of coffee but iced is by FAR my favorite and the one kind I cannot live without. Here is a post that describes how to make the perfect iced coffee at home, and I know now that my life is complete. I will cold brew espresso of course, but I'm sure everyone has their preferences. It is a lot of work, but sooooo worth it. I could not handle a commute to work without it.

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/06/perfect-iced-coffee/

Stupid MRI Tubes

I almost did not have an MRI today. Um, that little, tiny LONG tube that they put you in headfirst on your back? Yeah, NO F'ing WAY! I tried to be tough and brave, I really did. I actually got all the way inside that thing before freaking out. I pep-talked myself that I could do this. I couldn't. My shoulders are too wide to fit in the MRI tube, so they made me raise my arms over my head. Once inside, my shoulders were pressing against the sides of the tube, and also against my ears, the top of the tube was TOUCHING MY NOSE, and my hips were squished against the sides too. I totally and completely panicked and yelled to be taken out. I was sweating and hyperventilating. Right now, just typing this, my heart is racing, and I have that punch in the pit of the stomach feeling. I apologized profusely to the tech, but I'm sorry, that was ridiculously crazy! He was really nice and said most people can't do it and that it was totally fine. He gave me two other options (THANK GOD) of sedation or what they call an "open" MRI. I said no to sedation, what if I woke up? NOPE. So, I went with the open MRI. MUCH BETTER. They had to send me to another facility, but I'm so glad it worked out. The open MRI is like a giant hamburger bun, with the sides open. I was cool with that and actually fell asleep. Whew!! I'm going to have nightmares about that other one.

Now it's hurry up and wait. Do I have a herniated disc or what? I want to know NOW! I want it FIXED! Krzysztof says I will be back at training soon, but I'm so scared they will tell me I shouldn't train.  This whole disability thing doesn't work for me. I will find a way damnit!

Amen Brother, Amen

I really like my doctor. After 4 denials, she called my insurance company today and kicked butt. She smiled when she handed me the approval number for my MRI. She took my hand and said, "We are gonna get you better". Apparently, I've lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks because I am in too much pain to eat. I called her office this morning in tears. I'm not a big cryer. Her nurse told me to be there in an hour. I came in hunched over with big puffy, red eyes. I didn't comb my hair or put makeup on. Too much effort. I got ZERO sleep last night from the blinding pain shooting up and down my leg, up through my back into my eyeballs and back down to my calves. I wanted to scream but it came out in short little bursts of pitiful grunts. Got more steroids and pain killers shot into my butt today, but I am pain-free this evening (relief!) and my MRI is scheduled for Wednesday morning, and I have an appointment with a spine specialist. Lots of happier people in my life now, especially K who put his sledgehammer back in his trunk, and I am dwelling on his last text "Now it's time to pray for best-case scenario results". Amen brother, amen.

My Sentiment Today

Spending Spree

Before I found out about the gazillion dollars I owe the IRS, I did a little shopping. I found these cool jeans and really pretty comforter at midnightvelvet.com, and I got new frames for my glasses. So now I look cool and sleep cozy while the US government gets to retire on my very painful payment. Because of the short sale on my home in Washington last year I was punched right in the gut. Thank God I knew it was coming and was prepared, it could have been heart-attack inducing! I'm not kidding. I could have paid cash outright for a new car with what I had to pay them! Arrrrrg.

Invasive Fish

So, I ran across this really interesting little webpage called Invasive Fish. Well, I didn't really "run across" it, I met the author. (A story for another time.) You should check it out for yourself, interesting stuff.  Fun pictures! You should visit. Go! Go now!

Now, some of you know that I like to fish, and that I have very fond memories of fishing with my dad. I was dragged all over as a kid camping, fishing, hiking, stuff like that, and because I was an only child, I paid attention, learned quickly and kept to myself. This gave me the edge. I remember all the old men on the docks were so impressed with how quiet and well behaved I was (not anything like I am now) and they would all clap or congratulate me when I made a good catch. I would get so excited watching the fish flop around. Other kids would get bored and cast out, reel in, cast out, reel in, and drive everyone crazy. I would just sit there patiently listening to my Walkman, finger on my line so that I could feel any little nibble. I gnawed on my beef jerky and would steal marshmallows from my dad's tackle box. Good times.  I haven't fished since my dad passed away in 2007, but I have reason to get my pole wet again now, so perhaps my dad will go with me in spirit.

Physical Therapy, a Walking Stick and Shots in the Butt

So I really jacked up my back good. Having a rough time getting better. It had been 6 days without getting better, so physical therapy was the next step. I've had back injuries before, but never has recovery taken this long with so much effort. Icing, heat, drugs, stretching, praying. I guess it's the getting old thang. Or maybe I'm stubborn and can't break from sitting too long at the keyboard with the pressure bearing down on my lower back. Either way my patience is running thin. K is in constant contact with me checking up on my progress. I told him I was worried it was taking me too many steps backwards and I'm scared of regressing. I told him I don't like being idle and that I missed training terribly. This was his reply, "Everything happens for a reason. It was a sign that your body needed some rest and was being pushed too hard. This rest will be good for you. Don't stress about it. We will get back at it soon and will go light and slowly push." You can tell by his response that he feels responsible for pushing me hard, even though I've told him that isn't so.

I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with writing, reading and talking/spending time with the newest addition to my life, which is good. I'm learning some things about myself. Work has been a little overwhelming lately, but I did complete a huge project which is a load off. I was able to relax tonight for the first time in a while enjoying some of the simpler things in life.

Got two shots in the butt a week ago, and two more today (ouch!), got x-rays taken and went to my first physical therapy session on Monday. PT went really well, I feel better already, but I am learning all new ways to move/walk and get up from sitting and prone positions. It's odd and will take some getting used to. The last 7 months of training has produced several large "knots" in my lumbar spine that are impinging on several different nerves, causing extreme pain. My PT doesn't suspect any disc damage (x-rays will verify that) but it will take 6 to 8 weeks of PT 3 times a week before I am fully healed. UG. I will most likely be back at training in a week or so but will be starting off slower and there will be more stretching before and after. I still get to hit and kick things, but with some caution. This injury will NOT WIN. It turns out several guys from my old gym are regulars at the PT facility, go figure! We all beat up our bodies, apparently, and get lazy in our movements. I use my lower back muscles WAY too much for everything, so now I will be using more of my abdominal muscles. Good times. I have MAJOR cabin fever so I'm going back to work to tomorrow, my first day without pain killers.  I have a walking stick just in case I feel myself losing balance.  We'll see how it goes.