Doing Laundry CrazyDogMama Style

Instead of carrying it all down the stairs, huck it over the railing so you can carry your gimpy dog down the stairs instead. And yes, I always have that much laundry, I have lots of clothes.

Still have a sore throat and a drippy nose but I'm better. I have to admit I really miss Gary. I really, really miss him. Maybe he will forgive me for being a mess. I don't know. I'm kinda down today. Been crying a little. I know, I'm pathetic.

Fear is stupid.

It is not natural. Understandable, but not natural. It is learned behavior. Love, joy, anger, peace, those are natural. Fear is made up; all in your head. It can be overcome. I can overcome it. Being cautious and using common sense is good, but fear will keep you from life. From love. I should have nothing to fear. My life is my own, the future is unknown, but shouldn't be feared. I want to be in the present. Not the past, not the future, but RIGHT NOW. Moments in time can never be brought back. Today, this minute, this thought, this post. I do believe if something is meant to be, it will be. No matter how much you avoid it or go after it, it's longevity will only succeed if it is meant to be. I think we all interfere too much with everything. Let go. I also still believe paths cross for a reason. It changes both people in some way.

I'm feeling better. My second mom came over today and made me homemade chicken soup. Bless her big heart.

I had to take poor Lou to the vet, something was lodged in his paw. His paw is fine now, but he is taking an awfully long time to come out of his stupor from the meds. Breaks my heart to him this way. Been loving on him. Even tried to sing to him but he looked up at me with glossed over eyes that said, "Please, please stop Mama". 

Even my eyeballs hurt.

I'm really sick. And I'm confused. I'm sick, I'm alone, I'm stressed about the work piling up, and the person I was excited about is all of a sudden gone because I am afraid. I know it was probably a bad idea, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. What a mess. Louie is limping too. He won't use his front left paw. I've looked at it but can't find anything wrong and I'm too sick to get him to the vet. Bloody hell.

Dumpsville

Well it sounds like we all agree that it is dumpsville for Gary. Damn. Oh well, gotta wade through the sharks before you find a nice fish I guess. God, I hate drama.

Mario (pictured) took me to dinner last night for the best carne asada I've EVER had! It was his thank you to me for the job. He also told me to run from red flag man. In fact, he was quite emphatic about it, so I will never hear the end of it if I fail to heed the warning.

Oh, and I have the flu. Woke up to a sore throat and 102 fever. I'm dying.

The drawing board.

Yup, I screwed it up. He is upset with me. But if he can't understand my fears and what I've been through, screw him. Back to the drawing board, I guess. Fuck.

Too Perfect

It's official. I'm tweaking. I can't help it. I'm too afraid. He has to be lying about something, it's too perfect. I may have screwed things up.

Table Legs

This scared the holy living crap out of me. Gives a whole new meaning to table legs! Ha! Courtesy of the "Roadhouse Bar and Grill"

What a wonderful world.

I know, you aren't used to hearing that from CrazyDogMama. LOL.  Just having a good time right now, trying not to ruin it by wondering when it will all end. Ma is going back to WA tonight, taking her to the airport soon. Mario gets back from Chicago tonight and I'm one week closer to seeing Gary. It is so cute, both my mom and I are always either on the phone to our men (she is seeing someone too) or fighting over the computer. Gary and I wake each other up a lot since we are 8 hours apart right now, but we don't care and still stumble to the computer to chat anyway. You should have heard me on the phone with Verizon Wireless trying to set up international calling, I was getting frustrated with the clerk and ending up saying "I just wanna frigging call Nigeria - make it so I can do that NOW!" LOL! Love makes you do very silly things, I think. Is it love? Who knows, what's that? Who cares, I love the way this feels, that is all I know.

Back to work tomorrow to the craziness. I had a great 4 days off. I am going to take two weeks off in October when Gary gets here, so I have to get everyone trained and things running smoothly!

What have I been up to?

Up to no good of course! Some pics of my recent outings. Had a BBQ at the house with my mom and Mario (he hates his pic taken). We ate steaks, drank rum and cokes until we passed out in the sun and got sunburnt, went on a date to Laguna Beach and walked along the rocks (I dumped him 4 days later), dinner at a friend's house (Al, my friend pictured in the white head wrap), mom and I walked the marina at Dana Point and I took a pic of our feet; how shocking, no? LOL! and last night I spent the evening at California Adventure riding the Screamin' rollercoaster (right before the launch pictured) which I have now finally ridden at night! Mario and I are doing the full Disneyland resort next weekend because he is in Chicago right now visiting his folks. I am so excited! We will have such a blast!

I am now in a "relationship" with Gary and probably won't date much anymore, just hang out with my new best friend Mario and my other friends. Once Gary moves here in a month, we will see how things progress! I think I may have found someone REALLY special. Today I'm going shopping at IKEA and getting my car fixed.

Africa is calling.

Pictures and writing tomorrow, just getting home from a 14-hour day. OH! Gary is calling me from Africa, gotta go!

I don't know where to begin, or where to end.

I have so much to write, but I wish I could let loose. I wish I was truly anonymous so that I could write my story; especially now. The experiences I'm having from lust to love and everything in between. The confusion, the excitement, the adventure, the danger. Dancing in the ocean waves, riding in a stranger's covertible corvette at sunset, finding a deep connection in friendship and getting letters with words so beautiful they make me cry. My story of pain and loss and almost letting go, to finding freedom and life and the beauty in being myself.

Perhaps I will start a new blog or maybe I'll throw caution to the wind and share it right here. I do not know yet. Tomorrow will bring yet another new experience at 7pm.

Gary

This is Gary. Handsome, huh? I think so. He chilled out and is still my favorite. We had a long talk this morning and I am feeling much better about everything. I'm still in awe that he thinks I'm so beautiful after I sent him a bunch of pics of my chubby little body. He said he can't wait to get here. He will be here in about 5 weeks after he finishes his contract. He says he is coming here TO STAY. He said he is not going back to Texas. OMG!

P.F. Changs, Baby!

Date with ma tonight. Got our hair done and went to dinner. California has really changed both of us, I swear we act like a couple of 25-year-olds. She is now sellling her house in WA and looking for a beach house! Go Mama! We chat about boys, play cards, drink wine, and wait for sales at Chico's.

Speaking of boys, I have a beach date on Sunday and Mario is hanging out with me poolside all day Monday at the house. I'm backing off just a little with Gary since he freaked me out. My mom said, "Oh great, if you back away he'll probably be here by Saturday." LOL! I told you Mike was back, right? What to do, what to do. I'm running all of this past Mario, he's got good man-advice.

I was shocked today at work when the general manager pulled me aside and told me how awesome I am and how he had been telling the VP (the VP of the whole company!) that I am always the last to leave at night and how I was key to the success of the plant. HOLY SHIT. After the week I had, I thought he was going to fire me! He said he had my back and not to worry about a thing. Talk about not knowing what to say!! Life surprises me every single day.

Fucked up day.

Someone REALLY pissed me off at work and that rarely happens. Some brat always has to screw up a great situation, I swear. I also rarely lose my cool but had to put someone in their place today. I hate that.

I'm also in a little trouble and I need advice from the masses. Gary is really getting serious with me and he kinda wigged today when I mentioned something "a guy" said to me. He is all freaked that I am going to find someone else. If I told him I was dating (but nothing serious) I think he would have a heart attack. I'm not kidding. We talked about it tonight, and I told him to chill, but should I take this behavior as a compliment or run? I don't want some crazy jealous guy (and there is no ring on this finger), but he is so sweet and is so honestly worried that he will lose me. I told him how I felt about him getting jealous and he apologized profusely, but still. Red flag? I don't know. I really like him, but I haven't even met him in person yet. I probably ought not to tell him of the blog just yet. LOL.

Men up to my eyeballs!

Okay, not sure how this happened, but I have men up to my eyeballs! Gary is of course my favorite, but he better hurry his ass up and get here if he is serious.

I have one, possibly two different dates this weekend and another guy in Modesto threatening to fly down and sweep me off my feet. Also, Mike is back. Am I dreaming? Mario told me I should get out there and live it up, and then I told him, "How am I supposed to do that when you are texting me all day every day?" He calls me "boss" now. It's true literally but sounds funny and makes me laugh. Well God help me, I'm in all kinds of unfamiliar territory.

So busy I can't even think.

Meeting great people, working and falling for Gary. He is coming to visit me in a month when he finishes his contract in Africa. (He works all over the world). So excited! Went to Mario's tonight to celebrate. I hired him. The other interviewers liked him too. He is so excited and so grateful. His thank you made me tear up. While we were chatting, both of our crackberries kept dinging and we were trying not to answer them to be courteous, but at one point we just started laughing, picked them up and answered our texts/emails at the same time. That's when I snuck in the pic! Ha! I'm evil.

Life is so strange.

It is an amazing trip. My new friend (Mario) said I was like an angel sent to him. A man who said he had no real "faith" told me today that I made him believe. He said meeting me, getting this interview, that I had already changed his life. He thanked me and said for the first time in his life he believed that lives cross paths for a reason.

I did not know what to say. It was pretty intense.

My New Friend

Mario is the best! He is so funny and super sweet. We were so chatty and laughing so hard that when I looked at my phone it was 2 am! I gave him a big hug and told him it was so nice to meet him, and he said, "That sounds weird". I asked him why and he said, "Because I feel like I've known you all my life!". Aww. We did hit it off and as soon as he gets the job where I work (I hope) we are going to hit D-Land in style. I tried to take his pic, and this is the best I could get because Mr. Model is SHY. We sat out on his balcony for a long while in the nice warm summer eve talking about everything. I got him an interview for Monday.

Today I'm out with a friend for her birthday and then will be chatting with my honey the rest of the evening. BTW, the sunsets are incredible here!

I am a completely paranoid, insecure freak.

OK, it is official. What happened? Texas Guy (Gary) and I have been, I guess what you call, developing a long-distance relationship. We talk on the phone, email, chat on Yahoo, send pics back and forth, etc. (BTW, he has the most adorable German/English accent EVER, he just moved to Texas from London; born in Germany.) It is sort of getting serious rather quickly. (Hence my fear, paranoia and running shoes ready.) Last night we were chatting on Yahoo and the conversation was getting very intense. It was going great and then he asked me something that I didn't know how to respond to (afraid I guess), and I paused for about 2 minutes before writing a response. (Usually, it is a very quick exchange.) Before I had a chance to send it, he disappeared from chat. At first, I thought he just got kicked offline or something and I waited. And waited. And waited. Nothing. I tried text messaging him to make sure nothing happened. Nothing. I called. Nothing. He ALWAYS answers my calls. I emailed. Nothing. About 2 hours later I'm figuring I blew it. He asked me something important and I didn't respond. I threw my hands up and said, "Well that's it! He's gone." I woke up at about 6 am which would be 8 am his time. Checked email, phone, nothing. Shit. Slammed my head into the wall and told the dogs I am hopeless. I hopped in the shower. While I was in the shower, I hear my phone ding. I get out. Then my phone rings. It's Gary. He is panicked. Long story short he lost power due to a Texas storm and his daughter had his cell phone. He was all worried he has lost ME! I was so relieved. We laughed about how insecure we both were, and all is good in CrazyDogMama land. For now.

I'm going to hang out with my new friend tomorrow (Mario), my kindred spirit in humor. He makes me laugh so hard I can't breathe. He also loves Disneyland so now I have someone to go with regularly. I got him an interview at my company because his contract job is almost up, and we are going to have margaritas tomorrow while I walk him through our interview process. I need him to have money so we he can afford Disneyland you see. LOL! I know what you are thinking, but seriously, as gorgeous as he is, he is not my type nor am I his type romantically. Typically, our conversations go like this:

Him: "Did you eat your oatmeal with protein powder?"
Me: "No"
Him: "Why not?"
Me: "No time. Grabbed a coffee instead."
Him: "Damnit woman! Then you will add 30 minutes to your workout today."
Me: "I'm not working out today."
Him "Yes you are."
Me: "No I'm not. I have cramps."
Him: "Oh for fuck's sake."
Me: "I do! And I'm still sore from yesterday's workout!"
Him: "I don't care, get your lazy ass up."
Me: "Bite me."
Him: "Don't tempt me."
Me: "Bring it!"

LOL!!

A conversation I recently had with Gary:

Me: "So what are you going to do with your house in London?"
Him: "I don't know yet, we can decide that later."
Me: (choking on my coffee) "We?"
Him: "Well, yeah."

Minute to Minute

Something not so good happened. Well I don't really know what happened. I was going to post about it, but then decided not to. I really get tired of living sometimes. Things change minute to minute around here. Maybe I'll post later when I figure out what the hell.