3 Different Things

1. OK, I'll keep believing in love if you insist, someday I will dance on the beach with "The One".

2. Have you ever discovered that you have been lying to yourself? It is a bit of an epiphany, I guess. Over the years I have thought about and told myself why I write in this blog. A few different answers have come out. The actual truth of why hit me not so long ago, and there is only one real reason I still write here. The reason I started the blog differs from why I continue to write in it. Maybe someday I will reveal it, but for now it is just for me to know. I'm not sure how I feel about it.

3. I just bought a cute new blouse, necklace (see pic) and shoes. Time for my nightly swim before I turn in.

Mail Bag - Questions Answered

Q: "Why don't you believe in love anymore?"
A: I guess I should have written that better. I do believe love exists, and of course there are different kinds of love, Family/Kids/Pets/Friends vs. Romantic. I know true love is real, but what I was trying to say was that the kind of love that is supposed to happen in "romantic love" has somehow been (partly) destroyed in our society. It is a selfish, self-centered world hell-bent on instant gratification and the propensity to "bail" when one becomes "unhappy". There is a lack of commitment and sacrifice. I see it everywhere, and unless you live in a fantasy world, you know it's true. My problem is that me finding someone outside of this human condition in our present era is statistically very low, and the chances of heartbreak are very high. I haven't given up, but I know the odds are against me. I also don't want someone with me (and vice versa) just because they don't want to be lonely. People can be very deceiving and will sometimes go to great lengths to get what they want. I'm just being realistic, that's all. God can do anything though, so I'm just trusting in Him.

Q: "Why do you think all of these people are "looking for something" on your blog? Isn't that a little paranoid?"
A: Well, perhaps, but one of them is my ex-husband's buddy who was feeding my ex-husband info from my blog during our divorce (I know that for a fact out of the ex-husband's mouth), and now that all of that is over and my ex-husband is remarried, it is beyond me what he is going to my blog to find out. I actually have a suspicion, but I can't say publicly. I seriously doubt he "just wants to know what I'm up to." The others are old coworkers that I was not particularly close to and never even told about my blog. They obviously saw it up on my computer screen at work and started visiting, but I can tell you right now neither one of them give a rat's ass about my life, and I can't help but wonder if there is an ulterior motive, especially when one signs on from across one part of the country one minute, then the other minutes later from the opposite side of the country. Obviously, there is some talking (gossiping?) going on there. WEIRD. Sorry if that's offensive, guys, but it is weird to me. So, anyway, I thought I would say hello to them. :-) No answer of course.

Q: How do you know when someone goes to your blog?
A: That's my secret, sorry. ;-) Remember, the internet is NOT a secure place.

My Odd Posts

Some of you may be wondering about the odd posts of late that call out some names. Don't worry, for those of you who are my friends and those of you who just honestly enjoy my blog, those posts aren't for you. Blogs can be both a blessing and a curse. No matter where you go, there are twisted motherfuckers out there. So be it.

On a different note, it got really stuffy in here tonight. The air conditioner needs to be fixed, so once I got too hot, I went out for a nice swim. I could see the stars and it brought back sweet memories of when my grandpa and I used to float on our backs and he would point out the constellations to me. I miss those times. Times when life was so effortless and everything was new and exciting. I almost purchased an annual pass to Disneyland today. I will soon. I am trying to embrace my inner child again and forget about all the pain. I'm almost myself again. There are still some old demons clamoring about, but I'll beat them.

Stalker Ex-Coworkers.

Dave and Travis, hello! Do you guys email each other and say "Hey, have you been to Cheryl's blog lately?" LOL. One signs in, then the other. STRANGE.

Love Blows

Unfortunately, I don't really believe in love anymore. People just get what they need from you and leave. That or they just keep using you because they don't want to be alone. We are all guilty of it. I'm not just talking about my stupid past, I see it all around me. Talking to people, and observing. You may just think I'm jaded, but if you look around, even look deep inside yourself, you'll see it's just the human condition. If you are lucky enough to feel a real kind of love, are you strong enough to risk everything? Or do you not believe either? Tell me, do you see it anywhere?

MEAT

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about! BBQing tenderloins tonight with Romano cheese mashed potatoes and a garden salad.

What's the temp?

The new backyard thermometer. Isn't it cool? I thought so.

Too Much to Do

Well I was up until 4 am trying to straighten out my Quicken books (UG) then got up at 9 am and ran some errands. I'm sick of Home Depot! LOL. My bedroom is almost done along with the office and 1 bathroom. They have all been painted and now I'm having some white crown molding going in. Going to look great! I will do before and after pics, they will be quite entertaining. Had the "popcorn" ceilings taken out and put all new fixtures in the bathroom. This is why everything is still all over the place, plus the house was still furnished with all my grandparent's stuff still in it. So needless to say, it is quite a challenge and a crapload of work. Not to mention the expense. I'm laying out by the pool now getting sunburnt. Skin cancer, bah!!

Loving on my babies.

Playin' with the pups.

"Until one has loved an animal, part of their soul remains unawakened."

I'm never leaving the backyard!

My sundeck is done! Beautiful! I've been laying in the sun and swimming today. To hell with cleaning and unpacking! Who wants to join me?

Under the Tuscan Sun

That is probably my favorite movie right now. I liked it before, but ever since my life turned upside down, that movie has become like an old friend. There are so many parts of it that I can relate to, and I feel much like the main character. I had to call a home theater installation specialist to hook up my Blu-Ray surround system because I don't have my awesome neighbor anymore to come to my rescue and I want it working properly. He can't get out here until the 14th and I'm going bonkers because I can't watch any DVDs and am stuck with regular TV. 450 channels and nothing on. I also ordered one of those "universal" remote controls. They are supposed to be awesome, so we'll see. For $500 w/programming, it better be able to do my fucking taxes. I could watch a movie on my laptop I suppose, but that seems so barbaric. Ha!

So far, I really love it here. Work is going great; I love the pool and the sunshine and I'm enjoying seeing Palm trees everywhere I go instead of Evergreens. It's funny, it is 100 degrees in WA right now and only in the 70's here, but it still feels different. It is pleasant and somehow serene to me. I can't explain it. Maybe because the surroundings are new and there is not an old ghost around every corner. The house is a challenge. The remodel is going to take a LONG time and I don't feel like things are in order, or will be any time soon, but it keeps me busy. (Just like in the movie!) I guess there is an interested party in my house in WA already, so I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed! It is so hard to sell it, but I have to. Growing pains. The downside to all of this is the incredible loneliness. I feel like I'm going to become this old maid and die with a bunch of dogs around me. It's hard to trust anyone, and with all the work I have to do, I don't have any kind of a social life right now. I don't even have anyone to go to Disneyland with until my stepson comes to visit in August.

Back to Cooking!

So fun! Tonight's menu is BBQ'd ribs in a bourbon marinade, fresh summer squash from my friend's garden sauteed with red pepper, onion, garlic and olive oil, and focaccia topped with a sundried tomato sauce. For dessert, chocolate-chocolate chip gelato!

Shake, Rattle and Roll!

California has welcomed me with a 5.4 earthquake. How thoughtful! Quite fun in a trailer.

Spies

Hello Darrin!

I was wondering if you were looking for / waiting for something specific on my blog, or if you are just a fan of good 'ol CrazyDogMama.

Hope you and Leslie are well. Say hi to Jim and Rene for me.

Cher

New Workspace

Things are coming along. Even my desk at work. One of my Seattle coworkers got me the purple lava lamp as a going away present. It was the perfect gift. The green one I had on my desk when I first started was from my grandparents. It broke and I never replaced it. Now I am living in my grandparent's house and I have a new lava lamp. Ironic a little.

I have so many unanswered questions in my life. They haunt me. If I were dead I'd be a restless soul.

Summer Rain?

OK who brought the rain? It was RAINING in Southern California this morning in July. WTF? It must be me. It's my fault. Oh well, it cleans the air.

I was also referred to as an "OC" girl today. I'm all HUH? Then it came to me, and I rolled. Guess the definition of an "OC girl" is changing.

Of Course.

Fucking plumbing disaster. On a holiday no less. Ugh. Still unpacking boxes. Still can't find anything and my 4-day weekend ends today. This is fun. NOT.

Remodeling the Backyard

Getting a new sundeck today! Yay! I bought another chaise lounge. I have a new friend at work that I'm going to invite over for sunbathing, swimming and margaritas.

Food fixes everything.

Shrimp fettuccini and broiled citrus shrimp with asparagus, tomatoes and strawberry salad. YUM. I don't want to know my cholesterol levels with the amount of shrimp I ingest.

Lost it today.

Everything that made sense in life yesterday, doesn't today. I don't know why. This morning the painter needed my sample colors and I couldn't find them in any of my boxes. I ripped every damn one of them apart looking and then completely broke down. Just sat down in the middle of the living room and balled like a pathetic fool. I guess I'm just fruit loops. I finally asked God to help me. Five minutes later I saw a box I overlooked. There they were. Coincidence?