Up and Running Again

The TV guy just left; he was here for TWO hours! Apparently, everything was toast. I'm up and running now though! Yay! Now I just have to remember all the shows I watch so I can set up my recording stuff. That will take a day.

I've been multi-tasking all day. Working on VPN, doing laundry, supervising TV guy, ordered a pizza, ran the dish washer and kept the dogs at bay. Everyone keeps calling me, so the phone has been ringing off the hook too. SHEESH.

I really thought I knew what busy was, but lately I have learned a whole new kind of crazy/insane.

Lou's Birthday and a Tattoo Idea.

Happy Birthday to Louie! My big boy is 11 (77 in dog years). He is my grumpy little old man. LOL.

Need to do a cover-up job on part of my tattoo because I'm stupid. Maybe something like this.

Looks like I have a pretty good chance of getting my big promotion and moving. Most likely to California, but I haven't ruled out Dallas if I don't get this one. I would have no mortgage and a pool in California, though! Wow, life is really changing, kind of weird. I had this idea of what my life was going to be like once, I'll never make that mistake again! I should know within a month or so.

OMG the world almost came to end tonight.

I turned my TV on, and no signal. Reset it, unplugged it and plugged it back in, did everything I knew how to do. Nothing. I know the bill is paid. So, I went to my computer to get online to get Direct TV's number. NO INTERNET. WTF? Did an EMP hit my house? Spent an hour trying to diagnose the problem. Gave up and called my ISP. A 30-minute wait to talk to an agent. Wanting to kill someone at this point. Gave up after 10 minutes and decided to take my modem apart and put it back together. That worked! Hallelujah!! Went online to get 24-hour tech support for TV. Spent an hour online with them and got nowhere. CRAP. The earliest they can have a guy out is WEDNESDAY. This means I miss "24" AND "LOST". NOO! PLUS, I have to work from home on Wednesday to be here. Hopefully my boss will let me. Good grief. At least my crackberry is working. Lord have mercy.

I hate it when I can't sleep.

I guess I can go in late tomorrow if I have to with all the hours I've been working. I worked about 5 hours today on site. 14 days in a row now.

I've been listening to music tonight since I have no TV. Just daydreaming and relaxing. Got caught up on some of my personal computer work, too.

I'm getting my tattoo changed. Finally. I'm not looking forward to the pain though, it HURTS. It is right on the ankle bone, so it is a big OUCH. I'm going to make the appointment tomorrow. It's time.

Freedom has its advantages.

My mom and I were talking and we are finding that we are enjoying doing what we want, going where we want, talking to who we want, buying what we want, watching what we want and seeing who we want! Just being who we are! I like it. I'm finding out a lot about myself, it is interesting. The future looks bright and exciting!

Enjoying the moment, the present. Anyone want to join me? I am never going to put myself down again! I'm awesome! LOL.

Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend.

Remember that "Loverboy" song from the 80's? LOL! I have it in my head.

I'm at work waiting for people to get things to me so I can edit them. Taking a little lunch break to blog in order to appease my readers. There are so many things happening right now (can't talk in detail yet) and my head is spinning. My life could be in for another major change, a really positive one, I think. Regarding my career, I'm meeting with someone next week to discuss a possible transfer/promotion, which would be out of state. I will talk more about it once I know more, don't want to jump the gun here. I have decisions to ponder, people to talk to and arrangements to make, but it is all very exciting. These things take time of course, so nothing is going to happen quickly, but I am optimistic and excited, nonetheless.

For the month of May I am going to concentrate on getting some repairs done on the house and finish the painting. These things need to be done whether I stay or go, so no time like the present. I haven't been on any more dates or been talking online to anyone seriously. I'm taking a break from it and concentrating on other things. I occasionally get emails and hellos, but that is about it. The one guy I recently went on a date with keeps in touch, but we haven't discussed another date yet. I've been sick and super busy though, so that is probably why. I'm still holding out for my fairy tale. That happens, right? PFFFT!

A month and a half until my 2-week vacation! Woohoo! Oh, that's another thing, if this move happens for me, I will have enough money to start doing some of the traveling I've always wanted to do! Wouldn't that be COOL? Well, I think so. :-) I've certainly paid my dues!

Things are getting VERY interesting around here!

Sorry I've been a blog slacker; I'm working 7 days a week right now and still fighting this virus or whatever it is. I haven't been able to sit down and write with the whirlwind of activity going on and the possibilities surrounding me at the moment. I promise to write about it sometime tomorrow morning, OK? I know you are on the edge of your seat.

Fun Book

First, a reader of mine now has her own blog, so let's hear it for "A Green Guitar"! There is also a link on her site that I have been stalking called "June Bug on a String", which is a great site also!

I am suddenly inspired to read this book because, well, it will be obvious why:

"Divorce is never easy, and fortysomething Nikki finds herself unwillingly thrust into a major identity crisis. She was happy being a housewife and mother in an upscale neighborhood of Colorado Springs and thought all was well until her husband takes off, and the family house blows up. As she slowly comes out of the fog of divorce, Nikki realizes she needs a job and a place to live, then has to face the clash with her old way of life: her fancy friends can't understand her waitress job: they eat in restaurants, they don't work in them. Nikki veers away from her now strained relationships, makes new friends, and enters the world of dating. As Nikki tries to find herself, her old dream of making perfume as a business instead of a hobby infuses her with purpose, but is she willing to take a risk? With great insight Samuel explores the many problems facing newly divorced women and offers hope and inspiration in the form of one gutsy heroine. Patty Engelmann Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved. "

The part that says "and the family house blows up" just made me laugh. That seems so appropriate to me at this point in my life. Now, I wasn't a housewife, mother (except my stepson) or "upscale" by ANY means, but the starting over and taking risks inspires me. I am currently in the middle of going in a completely new direction. I am applying for positions at my company's new sites, which are all out of state. We will see what happens.

I need to be well now.

I'm tired of being sick. I've had a sore throat for a week. That's not normal, is it? I'm feeling very overwhelmed. Very, very overwhelmed.

Food and Mowing Woes

Did some work remotely on my laptop today because I just didn't feel like driving in. I pulled the Friday night and Saturday night shifts (and I'm on salary), so they can deal with it. I also mowed the front lawn and picked some weeds. My body hates me right now. The stupid lawn mower is a huge pain in the ass. The grass gets all mucked up in it, and then it dies. I empty the bag and have to clean it out about every 20 steps. It's maddening! THEN it takes approximately 15 minutes to get the damn thing restarted. My neighbor felt sorry for me and came and helped. I was close to tears after I ran out of cuss words. LOL. Got it done, though, and yay me! The picture of me is right before I started mowing. Yes, I mow in pig tails. That has to be the dumbest picture of me ever, but oh well. I'm starting to show my age. Shit.

The other pictures are of my diet food that I had tonight (marsala chicken, green beans and carrots) and the dinner I had last night of spicy shrimp with my mom at our favorite Mexican restaurant. I only ate about 5 bites of the refried beans. My cholesterol has to be about a million with all the shrimp I eat. The real tragedy here though is that I love to cook, and I never do it anymore. I microwave my diet food or go out. One of these days when I have a spare 20 minutes, I should make something nice. However, it just seems pointless anymore.

I still have a sore throat and a cough. Mercy.

I need a bed for my office.

Since I pretty much LIVE THERE. I wish I could bring the doggies with their little doggie beds, too. Of course, they frown on that in medical facilities. Bah!

So here is my office with the TV-size monitor and yes, I keep it THAT dark. I HATE fluorescent lighting; it gives me headaches. Dark is calming and soothing in a crazy and frustrating environment. Shut up about the pizza, salad and root beer to the right, it was free, OK? I worked Friday night and on Saturday for 5 hours and I have to go in tomorrow. UG. At least I'm needed. 

I am feeling better today, just tired with a slight sore throat. I did cough all night long, though, so I am not getting enough rest. If it keeps up, I PROMISE to go to the doctor and get cough medicine.

One more thing. I am very proud of my mother. We were driving today, her at the wheel, and I was giving her crap about her driving.

Me: (holding onto the ceiling of the truck for stability) "Are we late for something?"
Mom: No, this is just how I drive.
Me: Why don't you slow down a bit?
Mom: Why don't you shut the fuck up?

The apple doesn't far fall from the tree. LOL.

Deathly ill.

So yesterday I couldn't keep any food down and my chest hurt so bad I honestly thought I was having a heart attack and almost went to the emergency room. I left work a little early and everyone was pissed that I drove home. (I'm stubborn). My blood pressure was way up too because I was freaked. Today I'm not having chest pains, but my throat hurts so bad I can barely swallow. Had soup for dinner after I got home at 9 frigging PM from work. You see when I get deathly ill, work is insanely busy and everyone is on vacation. I'm on call tomorrow night and have to go in over the weekend. I am the only one to cover so if I'm conscious, I have to go. Lucky me. Gah.

Meeting at Headquarters

So tonight, a lady I work with asked for a ride and in exchange said she would buy me a drink to thank me. I said OKAY! On the way she made a few calls to see if some of our other coworkers wanted to join, but all she said to each one was, "Meeting at Headquarters". I've now learned that a local bar and grill is "headquarters" and many of my coworkers who live downtown apparently have frequent "meetings" there. LOL. This was my first meeting. We were the only two girls, and a few other guys came several minutes later. Now mind you, these are all scientists and technical people, so they drink a lot but talk shop. Before I wanted to stab my eye with a fork, I decided to "liven up" the conversation. I have a few tricks. I made an "L" with my thumb and index finger, raised it up and said, "Did you know that the length of a man's penis can be determined by length from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his index finger?" What ensued next was absolutely hysterical and works EVERY TIME. ALL the men made their "L" at the SAME TIME and intently stared at it. Some started comparing their "L's" and I heard quite a few, "That's CRAP!" and "There is NO WAY that is true!" statements. To one of the guys I said, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry." ROFLMAO! Consequently, we had the attention of the entire place as I laughed until tears were coming out of my eyes. I can't help it. This went on for at least 20 minutes, I shit you not. The women at the place were all laughing and putting THEIR "L's" up to their forehead; the signal for "Loser". This is quite entertaining.

A short time later I brought up some trivia that started an hour long conversation carnival. I said "You know, I found out the other day that the definition of Sodomy includes oral sex." This really freaked them out. "WHAT? NO! IT DOES NOT!" I told them to look it up. They all got out their iPhones and Blackberries and whatnot and LOOKED THE DEFINITION UP. One guy actually used the voice command to look up the definition on his phone, so yes, he spoke this into his phone IN PUBLIC, and loudly because it was a noisy place, "DEFINITION FOR SODOMY". OMG, I freaking ROLLED. They discovered in fact, that I was right, and things were just too much fun after that.

Needless to say, I am now the CEO at headquarters and am required to attend every meeting. ;-) Oh and I didn't have to pay for a thing.

The opposite of a rant.

So I went on a rant, then I deleted it, now I will be silly. This is a picture of me with wet hair getting ready for work, and Lou and Mags pretending they are aliens. Lou with his green Jedi-eye trying to mind trick me into feeding him steak instead of kibble.

Nothing special going on. My coworker/office roommate left for Hawaii today. Bitch. I've got kind of cold or flu going on and a really annoying cough. That's it. Bye.

I deleted the freaky post.

To my two commentors, I say this:

You both are extremely kind and I am honored to have you as readers! Thank you for your thoughts. It is true, I am in the middle of a healing process. I only deleted your comments because they wouldn't make sense now, not because I didn't like them.

To everyone that read it and did not comment:

I hope I didn't freak you out or piss you off. ;-)

To everyone that did not read it and is now confused:

I wrote a post at 1:30 in the morning and aired too much of my own dirty laundry. I wanted to vent (about myself, no other people were mentioned) and be honest about the "real me" when I needed to first consider how it might come across. It seems from comments that people appreciate my honesty, but I think I freaked my mom out. LOL.

It felt good to spew all that onto the table, but for the sake of safety and privacy I decided to pull it for now. Good therapy for myself, though.

Back to the old grind.

I had my nice date, then spent time with my mom on Sunday, but now it's back to the same old crap. My empty little life. I still have the "What now?" questions; those certainly don't go away in a day. Neither do the dirty dishes, the laundry or the yard work. I'm looking out at my way-overgrown grass, and I REALLY don't feel like dealing with it. I think I might give up cable to hire a gardener. Well, maybe not. I think without the computer and the TV, I would just sit here and stare at the wall. How sad.

Best Date Ever

If you are not excited, feeling blah and expecting nothing, you will have a fabulous date! So, as you can see, I was less than thrilled and all pissy last night. I woke up this morning trying to be positive, however, and got myself dressed and pretty, but not too pretty. The drive across the mountains was GORGEOUS. The sun was shining and despite the storm, and there was no snow on the road. We met in a park in Leavenworth around noon. I figured I would just shake his hand, but instead he delivered me a big, genuine hug and told me it was great to finally meet me in person. He was more handsome than his profile picture and he gained some big points with his compliments to me. We walked and talked for a bit, then decided to go to lunch. It turned into a 3-hour lunch! Not only is he kind and very intelligent, but he is also fascinating! A firefighter, an EMT, part of search and rescue, a skier, a rock climber - a very interesting man! There was never one moment of uncomfortable silence, and I've never had such great conversation. When the bill came, I didn't know what to do, I reached for my purse and shyly told him that I had no idea what the dating "rules" were these days and was perfectly willing to contribute my share. He laughed and said he had no idea what he was doing either (he is divorced after a long marriage also) and said, "But I do know I am paying for lunch." Very sweet. After lunch we shopped for a bit; I was on a mission to find a particular "sauce dip". He was very cute in helping me on the hunt. I told him I would spare him the hunt for a cute pair of earrings! LOL! We decided to sit and have some coffee (which he also insisted on paying for) and we talked for another 2 hours. I kept saying I had to go, but we kept getting into a new conversation. Finally, I looked down at my phone and it was getting late, and I HAD to go. I said that we would talk all night if I didn't go now! He smiled and agreed. He walked me to my car, and we said our goodbyes. He was a perfect gentleman. He opened doors for me and never made me feel like I was being "sized up". Such a pleasant surprise! I believe we will see each other again.

I can't figure myself out.

And I've known myself a long time! LOL!

You'd think I'd be all excited for my date tomorrow, but I'm like, meh. I was excited, but I think my subconscious knows it is probably futile. He is such a nice guy, but I'm just so damn picky. I'm sure it will be fun, but I have zero expectations of anything anymore. I laugh to myself thinking I'm going to go from being "CrazyDogMama", to "CrazyOldDogWoman" whom the children in the neighborhood are afraid of. HA. I'm starting to not really care about the dating thing anymore. It's stupid. It's like trying to convince people you are "worthy" or something. Screw that. I'm too old to put on airs, play games or be on my best behavior. Maybe I'm just in a crap mood, I don't know. I'm even sick of talking to people online. NY guy said "Where did you go? I haven't talked to you in two days!". I guess I'm feeling like what's the fucking point. There have only really been two people I was truly interested in; one wasn't real (and I don't mean my ex), and the other is a pipe dream. There is fantasy, and then there is reality. Reality ain't so great. And then of course there are the guys I'm not the least bit interested in that won't leave me alone. Figures.

Okay, maybe I'm a little grouchy, but seriously, what now? Work. Sleep. Eat. Yippee. I'm getting my life together and all, you know, working on myself, that sort of thing, but I keep saying to myself, "What next?" Got a career, check. Losing weight, check. Getting my financial situation in control (slowly), check. Interact with my friends on a regular basis, check. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do, but it doesn't seem satisfying. I dream of finding love, but another person doesn't make you happy, YOU have to make YOU happy first. I know that. But what is happy? What is content? Something is missing. It always has been.

My theme song right now.

'Somewhere Over the Rainbow' by Israel Kamakawiwo. What a great song. It makes me happy and perfectly describes how I'm feeling, even the melody. Think of me when you listen to it.

Men are funny.

Okay, this post is going to seem kinda vain or something, but seriously, stuff like this does NOT normally happen to me and I have to share because it was so funny and it made me feel good. If I record the little things, then when I'm feeling bad about myself, I can always come back and read stuff like this and feel better.

So I'm sitting at a stop light on the way home today. To my left, a truck was stopped at the adjacent light directly facing me. I was thinking about something that suddenly made me smile, and I happened to glance over at the truck while I was smiling. Inside the cab were two very nice-looking guys. Somehow the driver's eyes and mine met, and when they did he smiled back and kinda waved. I was taken aback and smiled bigger and waved also. (I did not know him.) His light changed and he was making a right away from me, but as he was turning, he kept looking at me and almost slammed into oncoming traffic! He overcorrected quickly and there was no accident (Thank God!), but I busted up in laughter. I've never almost caused an accident before! LOL! I'm definitely not "all that", but just the fact that I caught a man's attention like that just made my whole day. There's hope for me yet!