No Ideas

I have no freakin' idea what to blog about.

You've heard enough about me working, you've seen enough of my weird jewelry, and I'm sure if I take another picture of my feet or head, you will stick something sharp into your eyeball. So that's where I'm at. Blah. Nothing. Food? It's been all fast lately. Mood? Serious and focused. Yesterday I wanted to crack skulls, some of my coworkers across the country need a kick in the arse. I'm thinking of hanging a noose in my office as a Halloween decoration.

I'll post more later when I can think of something to say. I have to go eat my Quarter Pounder with cheese now, and I don't want to hear about it. My ass is going to be the size of Texas if I don't get it together.

VP Love

Wow! I just got a personal email from the VP thanking me for my hard work and long hours! (I've NEVER been the recipient of an email like that to just me! VP's don't normally do that.) She CC'd my boss and the director. Weeeee! I feel special.

Working From Home

More work, work, work, except I just got kicked off the VPN. Maybe someone is trying to tell me something.

The best things about working from home are the puppy dogs lying next to me, and not having to wear pants. Got a big pot of chili cooking and the house smells delicious. I haven't eaten anything yet today and I'm starving. The smell is killing me, and it won't be ready until 3.

Something is wrong with me.

It is bad enough that I have no life outside of working really, but when I work all day Friday, into Friday night AND THEN KEEP GOING until 4:30 am Saturday, well, you start to wonder about yourself. Now, one of my coworkers went to Hawaii last week and I was given impossible deadlines, but I can't believe this is happening to me. I am becoming one of those people I never thought I would be. When I was younger, I remember stupid things happening at work and someone would say, "Screw it, it's not like we're curing cancer here." HA. Now I can't say that. That is what my company is actually trying to do. So much for excuses! :-)

So, I slept all day and am all turned around. I went to bed at 4:30 am, got back up at 9 am and had breakfast from the Sultan Bakery, then went back to bed and slept until 4 pm. I'm totally screwed. This is worse than jet lag, NOT that I would know what that is like because I've never been out of the Pacific Time Zone. Fuck I'm pathetic.

I just ordered a pizza. For the second time this week. So much for healthy. I have about 50 unwatched DVDs sitting here and am trying to decide which one to watch. It is a party, I'm telling you. The dogs even abandoned me last night around 2 am and went to bed without me. They are confused. I have "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock here to watch, but I'm thinking something like "Woodchipper Massacre" might be more appropriate tonight. Hehe.

Native American Jewelry

A friend of mine's mom is Native American, and she made me this beautiful necklace and earrings. The pictures don't do them justice of course, but the bead work is amazing. In the picture of the necklace, it looks like a photo in the middle, but it is actually a rock of some sort. It's swirly! I love the word swirly. Swirly!

A New Kind of Tired

I have found a new kind of tired. A kind that goes beyond no sleep. I don't know how I drive to work some days. It must be autopilot. At a certain time of night, things get blurry and fuzzy - even with glasses on. Things are getting that way right now and I promised someone something for work tomorrow. I can't do it. I hope I can get up early and get it done because I am a woman of my word.

 
It would be so much easier to be a lying, unethical slacker. Damnit! Some say I push myself way too hard, but that is who I am.

Insomnia

2 am. Awake. Neat.

Fall has arrived.

It looks like a tornado ripped through the neighborhood. We are having a nice little windstorm, and of course it is trash day. There is trash EVERYWHERE, rolling cans, knocked over fences, and tree branches and shrubbery. The dogs are non-stop barking. Which is nice. UG. They are pacing the perimeter of the house as if they are protecting me from monsters, it is kinda cute. My little ankle-biters. Actually, Louie has huge teeth and can snap a bone in half, not your usual "little" dog. He is a little tank. I'm so worried about him though. Did I tell you he has something wrong with his spine? I noticed him wobbling a little on his back legs one day and took him to the vet. They did the thing where they flip the paw over and see if the dog flips it back, and he didn't! It is nerve damage. (That was the day I sobbed at the vet.) They have him on pain management meds and some kind of powder that lubricates his joints, and he seems to be doing well, but I see him deteriorating from the puppy I knew, and it KILLS me. I'm not going to handle this well, I can tell. He is fine for now, though, and I HAVE to concentrate on that.

I don't know what to do with myself tonight. I don't feel like watching TV, I am NOT going to work, and now I've blogged. What do I do? Clean? Pffft. Maybe I'll read.

Appreciate the Little Things

I'm not going to post the pictures I took of the house I looked at. The house was great, but it is not reality for me. At least not right now. It is a pipe dream due to my sordid past. I simply can't afford it at this time. The backyard was HUGE, a wooded forest was its neighbor. I could put TWO pools back there! The dogs would be in rolling Heaven. The master bath had a beautiful big soaker tub and two sinks. I can barely fit my toothbrush holder and the soap dish on my master bathroom counter. It had a fireplace with a mantle that I could decorate with pine garland, stockings and candles at Christmas. I have no fireplace. All stupid things to you, I'm sure, but it seems so luxurious to me. It's the little things I appreciate, like tile in the front walkway. It's OK. Some day. I'm just going to be happy with what I have for now.

That makes me think. Appreciating the little things. Let's make a list, shall we? You can contribute to the list too, if you like.

Things I appreciate:

1. When someone says something nice to me, and they actually mean it.
2. When I smile and someone smiles back.
3. When my favorite foods go on sale.
4. Those rubber thingees that help you open jars. (Ever since I fractured my wrist, I just have the hardest time with that.)
5. An unexpected surprise. (The good ones, not like when you get in your car and it won't start.)
6. When my dogs pee OUTSIDE.
7. Candles that burn ALL the way down to nothing.
8. Baristas that care about their job, and therefore make the best coffee.
9. Watching something nice happen to someone.
10. Someone with a good sense of humor.
11. Reading a good blog post, there are so many of you out there!
12. When someone appreciates me back.
13. All the people who listen to/read my B.S.
14. Good memories.
15. People who comment.
16. Good cheese, good wine.
17. A good antivirus program that doesn't slow down your computer.
18. Fast internet connections.
19. When someone knows when to leave me the hell alone, and someone who knows when to not.
20. A coworker in a good mood.
21. Great hand lotion.
22. Fiesty people.
23. Fiesty dogs.
24. A heart in the right place.
25. A hand in the wrong place. (Sorry, couldn't help it.)
26. A good massage.
27. Good conversation.
28. Good meat.
29. Bending the rules.
30. Aleve.
31. Taking a chance, and it being worth it.
32. When someone believes me.
33. When someone believes IN me.
34. Naps. Naptime should be mandatory in the workplace.
35. When a man takes control of the situation. (You know, in a good way.)

Things I DO NOT appreciate:

1. Verbal jabs.
2. Waking up and stepping in some sort of dog mess.
3. A half-assed job.
4. People who can't get over themselves.

3 things

1. The movie 2012 comes out the day after my birthday. It's like they made it just for me! I see shit like that in my dreams. It doesn't make for sound sleep. I can't wait for it though! And John Cusack is in it! Bonus! He is such a cutie. I'd marry him. I don't usually like high-action type films, but this is an exception because it is the whole doom's day thing, and you know me and global disaster stuff. Shut up, some people have more bizarre hobbies than me.

2. I'm going to look at a house today. I am thinking I want something with a little acreage. I have to stay in this state for now because I don't want to leave my job, but I'm sick of being on top of neighbors. I'll take pics.

3. I was thinking about getting a small tattoo that says "CrazyDogMama" because I will forever BE CrazyDogMama. The lettering would be gothic-ish and in black and red. I would put it in a low profile place. I also need to do something with my old one, but I don't know what.

Wake Up, Mom!

This is what I wake up to. I open my eyes, and there is a dog in my face requiring attention. You cannot ignore, or you are barked at and pawed, or licked to death. They are worse than kids.

Craptastic

I had a craptastic day. Everybody was irritating me and I'm a piss crank. I didn't get home from work until 9:30 and it is just too much. I'm not doing that anymore. Its not worth it.

I hate trucks!

Get out of the damn way! For some reason, traffic has gotten exponentially worse the last few weeks and it is STRESSING ME OUT. It doesn't seem to matter if I leave earlier. I'm cranky.

My fun night of realizing how old I am.

So me and some girly friends went out after work tonight to have some fun. We went and got pedicure/manicures (I now have orange toes for Halloween ~ ha!) and then went to a restaurant and had margaritas and appetizers. My margarita was NINE FUCKING DOLLARS and wasn't even top shelf! Now, it was good, but dang! When the waiter asked if I wanted a second one, I said NO. Annie's margarita was FOURTEEN FUCKING DOLLARS. It was about 3 inches taller than mine. The world has gone completely insane. Anyway, we all started getting tired and cranky at about 8 pm. Yep, getting old. Time for bed. Night.

Gran Torino

Okay, so Gran Torino was a great movie! Like Chele, I am also a Clint Eastwood fan, but this movie had some good substance to it. It was very moving and I also laughed my ass off! Good pick if you haven't seen it. My favorite Clint movies are now Gran Torino, Million Dollar Baby, Bridges of Madison County and The Unforgiven.

The pizza was so-so. I'm super picky.

Movie Time

I ordered a pizza and I'm watching "Gran Torino". I'll let you know what I think.

Swordfish Skewers

I haven't done any real cooking for a while and I found two recipes that I MUST try. The one pictured is swordfish skewers with cilantro mint pesto, and the other is shrimp and cashew curry. YUM.

Flashforward

So, has anyone been watching 'Flashforward'? I kinda dig it. I know you are shocked.

It's about how everyone in the world suddenly blacks for about 2 minutes and has a vision of six months into their future. Consequently, not all coming events are happy. It is an interesting concept. A of people have visions; I believe I've even had them, but the whole world collectively is another story all together. I'm glad they are making some new interesting programs.

I wish I could see 6 months into the future. Or do I?

Answer my own questions?

Bahaha! This should be fun. I have never known, and don't anticipate EVER knowing what the hell I'm doing. Just when I think I have things figured out, WHAM! That used to frustrate the crap outta me, but now I look at it as a life of surprises. Expect the unexpected. It keeps things interesting. Generally, I know what I want, but it keeps changing. The longer I live in the world, the more I have new experiences, and therefore to have concrete goals seems to be growth-stunting to me. Lose weight, get promoted, save for retirement, blah, blah, BLAH. I'm just doing the best I can with what I've got. Love the people around me. Help out when it is needed. Make people laugh. Eat chocolate and not feel guilty. Am I happy? Sometimes. Depends on the day. Regrets? Yes and no, everything that has gone on in my life has made me the person I am today. I'm not perfect, not even close, but I know who I am and I'm OK with it. If you like me, you like me, if you don't, you don't.

OK I'm starting to sound healthy or something. WTF? Maybe I'm just full of shit. LOL. I don't know. I know nothing. I'm fucked up in my own special way.

Questions

Do you ever wonder what the hell you are doing? Where are you going? In life, I mean. What are you working towards? Do you have any goals? If you meet them, then what? Or are you just trying to get through each day with no thought of what the future might bring? Do you care? Are you content with how things are? What do want? What do you really, REALLY want? Anything? How will you go about getting it? Are you trying?

Do you have regrets? Are you happy? If not, what would you change? Why do you think you are here?