2:54 AM

Do you ever get really, really bored in the middle of the night? Yeah, me either.

Sleeping beauty or insane insomniac? No question there. Then there is Alien McEyeball that refused to sleep in the bed.

I really need a new duvet. That ugly ass one is like 12 years old. The one I want is called "Damask Stripe in Cabernet". It's red. The color of your duvet is important. Is there a pill that makes you stop wanting stuff? I need that.

Blah.

I'm very blah today. A little down. A little sad. Sometimes things don't work out the way you want them to. Life is hard to understand - but here we are.

The dogs are staring at me. It must be dinner time. Have no clue what to do for the weekend. Staring into space seems to be the agenda at the moment.

Spicy Mama

If you know me, you know I'm a spicy girl. I like it hot! These just crack me up.

And nothing goes better with spicy than a little Southern Comfort, LOL.

I'm not a booze hound, I swear! I inherited my grandpa's liquor collection. Which was extensive.

Being Silly at Mom's

Went and got a burger with Ma and now we are goofing around on her deck, well at least I am as you can see. She was making me laugh so we caught it on film. She won't let me post pics of her. Crazy woman.

Her and I get really silly when we hang out. She's always trying to get me to come live with her so we can be silly all the time. That is her dog Molly, who I named. I name the dogs.

My Story, Chapter 1, Part 4

Exhausted from sobbing, Sarah slowly got up and prepared for her shower. She tossed her camisole, bra and panties into the sink for washing, and turned the shower knobs on full blast and hot, until the room was steamy.

She let the hot water run over her face and down her body without moving, just standing with her head tilted up towards the shower nozzle. Her face was swollen, her muscles ached, and her arm bled. She just stood, still, for what seemed an eternity. Concerned the hot water may run out, she grabbed the paper-wrapped hotel soap and ripped it open. Oh, how she missed her fragrant, girly soap from home. She hoped maybe someone would get to use it. The hotel soap had a wooden, bland smell, and the shampoo was even worse. She was grateful just to be able to get cleaned up, though, and was enjoying the relaxation. She had no idea how long she had before her next job was presented. The hotel was her rest stop for the moment, and she was now in wait.

As she washed her face, she suddenly started to feel a little faint. Her mind raced and she knew what was happening. She held on to the sides of the shower and slowly lowered herself to the basin floor. She huddled in the corner with her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself, and burying her head so as to shield her face from the hot shower water raining down on her. She started to shake violently and was jolted back and forth, side to side, hitting the shower walls. She heard the familiar whispers, "Test the spirits, test the spirits!” She knew what to do and did it promptly. The jolting stopped, but she still shook. Sarah could no longer hear any sounds, not the shower water, not even her own heartbeat. Nothing. The kind of silence that if it were to continue, may drive a person mad. She could still feel the hot water beating against the top of her head and knees, though.

She waited. Sarah said a small prayer asking for strength, understanding and protection. Just as she finished her prayer, she could see colors everywhere, even though her eyes were tightly closed. Now she could not feel the water hitting her, yet she was warm. The colors moved and started to form a picture. She saw the hotel she was in, then it faded and formed a new picture. This picture was of a coffee shop with a pink “HELP” sign floating against the window. She didn’t understand what that meant. Help who? Help how? Where is the coffee shop? Please, I need more information! she thought to herself. The vision ended like a lightning strike, startling her. She felt the water return and all the sounds of the room. She lifted her head and hoisted herself up. As she reached to turn to the nozzles off, she noticed the cut on her arm was gone. Vanished as if it were never there.

Cooking Block

I'm having a cooking block. Nothing sounds good anymore. I'm reducing myself to mac and cheese tonight. Possibly a hot dog. Yes, I am 5 years old, where's the apple juice?

I'm thinking of following it up with some of my cognac, though. That will help with the writing. HA.

Did anyone catch "Fringe" last night? It was pretty good, done by the same guy who does "Lost", my favorite. The story I'm writing will have some supernatural element to it, so watching my shows is research, LOL.

BTW, what's up with the lack of comments? Not that I ever really got many, but I'm all lonely over here. Throw me a bone. I've been a blogging fool lately, but I think I'm talking to myself.

Nichole, you have been very good lately, that was not for you. I'm surprised you are not saying something about hurricane Ike hitting Texas soon. In all seriousness, though, I hope it takes a turn. The weather is just out of control anymore.

Going to go eat and do some writing. My new hobby to keep me busy.

Edit to the Story

I did a little editing of the last story entry (Chapter 1, Part 3), if you are following it. It sounded goofy. It still sounds goofy, but I'm enjoying doing it, nonetheless. It is strangely freeing. I have so many ideas, but it is not easy getting them organized. That's why I'm practicing on you. I didn't have a good day and it's a good escape.

Blocked

It is a pretty morning, but I'm fairly irritated that the street I live on is completely blocked off and I have to take a 10 minute detour around it. GRRR.

My Story, Chapter 1, Part 3

Sarah touched the necklace softly as tears began to stream down her face. She hated to cry, but there was no way she was going to stop this. She had been holding it back for too long.

She shut her eyes. Six months ago, she had taken a short business trip to Belize, and even though the beauty of the place was incomprehensible, she had been bored and depressed as her new co-workers flitted off to tours, fancy restaurants and dancing, leaving her to herself. She tried to shop, tried to relax in the sun and take in the sights, but she was still alone. As an editor, she was used to time alone, but it was painful when in such a beautiful place.

Giving in to solitude, she had found a small cafe to relax in and grab a drink. That is when she met him. She had noticed a man sitting in the corner, but didn't make eye contact, as she was shy. She felt him looking at her. Staring. She remembers giggling a little when he accidentally spilled his drink as she got up and walked to the ladies' room.

When she got back, much to her surprise, he was standing next to her table. "Do I know you?" she asked; however, she did actually feel like she knew him from somewhere. "No, I'm sorry to bother you, but I had to talk to you." he said, sheepishly. His cheeks started to turn a little red, but he never took his eyes off of her. He had the most penetrating eyes. "I actually have no idea what to say." He smiled and admitted that he had been staring and that something made him get up. He could not let her walk away without talking to her. Sarah didn't know what to say either, but she couldn't explain what she felt when he spoke. She was flattered by his gesture, but something was different. He felt it too, she could tell. It was like no one else was in the world except them at that moment.

The next two days were a blur of indescribable emotions for Sarah. She spent every minute she could with the man from the cafe. They talked, they ate, they drank. When he kissed her, it did more than make her weak in the knees. The last day before Sarah was to leave for home, and as they were walking along the Belizean coast, he turned to her. "Marry me, Sarah. Please, please marry me."

He had already told her he loved her, and she had said it back like they had been a couple for 10 years. Sarah didn't even have to think about it. It never occurred to her that this was absurd and crazy. She didn't ever want to be without him. She couldn't be without him! Never in her 38 years had she ever felt so comfortable, so in love, so herself. She smiled and said "Of course!" He smiled back, a huge grin on his face, such a sincere and honest sigh came out of him as he lifted her up, swung her around and kissed her with so much passion she almost didn't believe it was happening. She finally understood all those silly terms. 'Love at first sight', 'soulmates', and the like. The connection they shared was unreal. Not only did she feel like she had known him all of her life, but they also shared an intense, burning passion for one another, way beyond what she thought existed. Although her carnal thoughts were going all over place, it did not seem like lust or obsession, but almost like a force.

They looked for a jewelry shop, but of course beach towns in Belize are not exactly known for their wedding ring stores. They found a small shop after a few hours with the most colorful and exotic pieces they had ever seen. He picked up the blue topaz necklace and held it up to her face. He lightly brushed her hair back with his fingers and said "Perfect." "It matches your eyes and the color of the sea outside." He bought it and he put it around her neck as a substitute for a ring. For now. Sarah had so much emotion running through her she thought she was going to explode. That night they made love. Every touch was deliberate, every feeling was new, and every emotion was tender. She was dizzy with happiness and contentment; foreign feelings for her until now.

Sarah opened her eyes and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She put her hands over her face and rocked back and forth. "Oh my God, Michael. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry. I love you so much."

My Story, Chapter 1, Part 2

Even as hot as it was, Sarah couldn't think of anything better than a nice hot, long shower. It had been a few days since she was able to wash, and when she got to the hotel at 2 am, all she had the strength to do was take off her jeans, throw her duffle bag on the cheap yellow velvet chair by the window and fall onto the bed.

She walked over to her bag and dug out her toiletries. A small grey box fell out and tumbled under the bed. She reluctantly got on her hands and knees on the disgusting carpeting to retrieve it. As she reached for it, a loud knock on the door made her suddenly recoil her arm and scrape it against the bed's metal frame. "Housekeeping!" Sarah winced as blood dripped from her forearm. "Can you come back later?" she managed to say. She heard the woman mutter something in Spanish and roll her cart away. Looking for something to wrap her arm with, she reached for the small box with her other.

Sitting on the floor with Kleenex stuck on her arm, she opened the box. It had been at least two weeks since she had gazed at the most important possession that she had left, a small blue topaz on a delicate gold chain. The last thing he gave her before everything happened.

Ice Cream Truck

Before getting back to the story, I have to tell you about our neighborhood ice cream truck. It is the most depressing thing you have ever heard in your life.

It plays the theme song from "Love Story", the movie. I shit you not. Are they trying to stimulate your suicidal thoughts and/or clinical depression so that you will say "fuck it" and buy 12 fudge pops? I know I want one. LOL. Maybe next year they'll play "All by Myself". Seriously, though, what are they THINKING?

My Story, Chapter 1, Part 1

She could feel the heat on her eyelids. The sun was just starting to shine through the sheer white curtains. Sarah rolled away from the bright light and leaned forward. The room was humid and sticky, and as she remembered where she was, a brief moment of panic struck her chest. Her heart palpitated and fluttered. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and wiped the sleep from her eyes. With her hand slightly shaking, she slid some of her hair behind her ear; leaving the other side hanging as she stared down at the dirty beige carpet. The panic slowly faded and her thoughts were diverted to him. She closed her eyes and succumbed to the memory of his hands lightly touching her shoulders from behind, and so softly, almost barely, kissing the back of her neck. Even in the memory she shivered.

Sarah opened her eyes and quickly jumped up from the hotel bed not wanting to think about it anymore. He was gone and she had to keep moving. That was the way it had to be.

In the small bathroom mirror Sarah looked at herself. One of the straps from her white camisole fell to the side from the top of her shoulder. It was in great need of washing. Her long, dark brown, layered hair hung in front of her face and deep, dark circles invaded what were once her bright, vivacious eyes.

Homemade Iced Mocha

I'm making a homemade "Coffee Bean" iced mocha this morning, with chocolate & espresso beans that I purchased online. If I can't be in California, I'll have it shipped to me.  Not only does it taste awesome, but it is going to save me a buttload of money! That way I can buy other things.

I feel strange emotionally this morning, like anxious or expectant. Can't put my finger on it exactly. I know I'm bizarre, I just have an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not a bad feeling necessarily, just a weird one.

Womanly Bargains

I feel like a girl today! No, scratch that, I feel like a WOMAN. Before you scold me for spending more money on myself, check out the DEALS I got! The purse (which I love, so shut up about the leopard print, I have only had a black leather purse for about 15 years and now I'm embracing my wild side) was regularly $40, and was marked down to $15, and the Sketchers (shoes) were regularly $55, and I got them for $20! Aren't they cute? Super comfortable, too.

I'm actually twirling! I want to kiss everyone! Not a good idea, but still. Now I need a night out on the town. Juice? Did you say something about $3 tini nights?

Oh! I almost forgot, my "Coffee Bean" espresso and chocolate powder came today in the mail, too! I think there's only like one thing missing from me being in utter orgasmic bliss!

Freshly showered and caffeinated.

I actually fell back asleep and had a *good* dream, this time. Much better.

The dogs were throwing a fit when I locked them up this morning. Holy GOD. I have to scream at the top of my lungs to get their attention. Which I'm sure the neighbors appreciate at 6 am.

Night Terrors

Just woke up from some terrible dreams. I used to think only kids dealt with that, boy was I wrong. It is horrible waking up in the middle of the night like this, feeling like this. Anyway, for anyone out there going through night terrors, I feel your pain.

On a side note, I let the dogs out to go potty while I was up, and I caught Louie licking the BBQ utensils. Nice. Eww.

Not the same.

It's not quite the same as lounging by the pool in California, but it's all I've got. What should I eat? What sounds good?

Lazy Relaxing

OK, there is a fine line between relaxing and lazy. Maybe I should just call it lazy relaxing. I do it well. I'm lying in the sun today while the weather is still nice, and I can hear all my neighbors mowing their lawns and tending to their outside duties. I haven't even unloaded the dishwasher yet. I really need to organize my office, too, and my filing cabinet is busting at the seams with old papers, bills, etc. I need to invest in a shredder. But the sun is out, and I don't want to waste this precious time.

I watered my plants. There, I did something. Now I'm going to hose myself off, because I'm a little too warm. Hopefully no one is watching.

Big Efforts

I am making a big effort to do more nothing. More "Me" time. I'm splurging on another small glass of cognac and just lit my new outdoor candle. It's funky, I'm digging it. I'm thinking about doing some reading while the dogs are curled up next to me. I'm sick of just wasting my nights on crappy TV.

While out shopping the other day I ran across a really cool CD. It's called "Cabernet, Jazz from the Wine Bar". I listened to some samples and loved it. It is mellow, yet catchy and soothing. I'm changing in my old age, it is strange. Anyway, I think I'm going to play it to complete the ambiance I've got going on over here.

Herbs & Geraniums

On the more boring side of my life, here is a picture of my Dill & Cilantro herb pot that is now out of control in just 4 weeks (from seeds), and my beautiful Geraniums. (Thanks Mrs. A!)

I didn't end up going to bed until about 4:30 am this morning, then I got this really excited call from my mom at 9 am, exclaiming news about some upcoming sale. LOL! So much for sleeping in.