Um...

I heard someone call my name. No one was there. Then, the bathroom light came on. BY ITSELF. I think I need to stop watching "A Haunting" every week, and/or get some sleep. Or get my Bible out. Either I'm going completely insane, or some crazy shit just happened. Shut up. I know what you're thinking. I can hear from here. If anything else freaky happens, I'm moving. End of story.

Garage Sale

Garage sales are lots of work. I sat a lot, but I had to be chatty, and that to me is exhausting. All my neighbors decided to come over and camp out and talk my ear off, and honestly, I'm not much for small talk. I'm way too intense for small talk. I do it to be nice, but I don't really enjoy it. I'm so tired I can't even nap. I tried, but I just laid there with my eyeballs open. Now I'm hungry.

All my pics today are boring. Strangers don't seem to appreciate their picture taken. Go figure. I did take some nice pics the other day, but I'm too tired to upload them right now. I have to do this all over again tomorrow. Hope I do as well as I did today, I made some bank!

First weirdo of the day.

I'm having a garage sale, and this guy drove his car by, screeched to a halt, RAN over to the recliner for sale, pushed on the arm rests twice and RAN back to his car and drove away.

WTF? He was too quick in his little flip flops to get a picture of him, sorry Hole. I was way too mesmerized by the whole thing. LOL!

Flirting at the Sultan Bakery

So, I have to tell you about dinner last night. I'll shorten the story because I don't feel like typing that much, but here goes. My mom was there and is crazy like me, and loud because she needs a hearing aid. (I'm not allowed to post pics of her, I promised, but I'm going to talk about her, and she can't do anything about it.) The first thing that happened was I was feeling cheeky, and that usually presents a story. We were at the Sultan Bakery, and you have to go up to the counter and order dinner, then sit down and wait for them to bring it to you. (Real fancy-like.) I was in line behind a guy by himself, about my age, maybe older. He ordered a big platter meal and two cokes. Because of the two cokes, the cashier thought we were together and said, "Together on the ticket?" I piped up with "Oh no, we're not together." Then the cheekiness kicked in and I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Unless you want to be." He looked at me, smiled and then turned 4 sheets of red and stuttered. (I love it when men do that. LOL) He said, "Oh, um, that would be great, but my wife would probably get mad." I giggled and told him I was just messing with him and that my husband would be pissy about it too. He laughed. (Shut up, I can't help it.)

OK, then I went and sat down after having my fun. The conversation over dinner was pretty funny. Since the guy from the counter decided to sit right next to us, he heard every word. (Super.) He even interjected into the conversation several times. He had a good sense of humor, and you have to remember this is a small town and everyone talks to everyone.

After we left and got into the car, this is the conversation my mother and I had:

Mom: That guy was flirting with you.
Me: No, he wasn't, I embarrassed him at the counter.
Mom: So? He was flirting with you.
Me: He is married mom, and knows I am too, he wasn't flirting, I just broke the ice and you and I were acting like maniacs.
Mom: (laughing) That doesn't change the fact that he was flirting with you.
Me: OMG, mom, will you stop with that? It's SULTAN, everybody talks.
Mom: No, they don't, he couldn't take his eyes off of you.
Me: (shaking my head) I spilled Au Jus sauce all down the front of me, of course he was looking at me, I'm a freak.
Mom: That's not the reason he was looking at you. Did you notice he was finished with his dinner long before us and still sat there?
Me: We're not talking about this anymore.
Mom: Oh look, here he comes!
Me: MOTHER!
Mom: (laughing)

Mood: Stable

For now. I have been having major anxiety about some stuff this week, and today is the first day I feel OK. I've hurled my dinner up the last 4 nights in a row because of it, and it is just ridiculous. (I'm not bulimic, I'm not pregnant, and I don't have the flu. It's anxiety) So, I'm STARVING, but a little afraid to eat. I'm going to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and see how I do with that.

I got off work early today, YAY! I have a super exciting weekend planned of making money by selling my stuff, but hey, sitting around playing on the internet doesn't actually sound that bad. Maybe I'll take some pictures of the weirdos that come by. We get some doozies around here, let me tell you.

Rollercoaster Life

Have you been on CrazyDogMama’s rollercoaster of life lately? That would go something like this:

Monday: “I’m happy and excited and life is going to be great!”.

Tuesday: “Life sucks so bad, someone gut me and let me bleed to death.”

Wednesday: “Fuck everything.”

Thursday: “Things are OK and shaping up.”

Friday: “I’m crazy and angry and depressed and stressed out.”

Saturday: “No one loves me.”

Sunday: “I took my meds on time today, and meds are awesome.”

Some say I’m negative and cynical and need to try to be happier. You THINK? DUH. Who is happy? I mean REALLY, REALLY happy? With no ups and downs. NO ONE. Me? I am just able (and do) admit that things aren't going the way I want them to. Not that I expect everything to go my way. We are all searching for something. I have my own search. Now, there are some who are happier than others, just like some are richer than others, but I’m not all that uncommon, really. I may sound pissy for 6 months in a row, I may not. You just never know with me right now. So just bear with me and when something cool happens, I’ll let you know. I will also let you know when everything is falling apart, which has essentially been the last year for me. Some big stuff has happened, yes, but I also keep having these little setbacks and disappointments that are frustrating and depressing.

It takes a special kind of person to bond with me and understand me, I don't expect to be the most popular blogger by any means. They have to be a tough-skinned, passionate, intense and honest person. They also have to have a good sense of dark, sarcastic humor. There are very few of those kinds of people out there, I’ve found. I think I’m worth it, though. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for those I love.

HOWEVER, don’t piss me off.

Other things going on? I got my eyes dilated today, which is always a treat. So, if this post makes no sense, or is typed funny, you’ll know why. I have hyperopia (farsightedness). I had to get new glasses because I am way blinder now. They are similar to my old ones, but nevertheless will permit a new photo op when they come in. They are more burgundy than red-red. I can tell you are thrilled. I always think it is funny when they have you write out a check after dilation. I CAN’T SEE, PEOPLE!

Also, the roof of my mouth hurts. Doritos?

More 3 AM Fun!

I just woke up from one of my bizarre dreams that ends with a sound that resembles a sonic boom. Weird, huh? I know the sound is only in my head, because if it was an actual sound, the dogs would flip out. It startles the hell out of me, though, and I wake up like I'm on fire.

Anyway, I'm laying here in bed with my friend the Crackberry. I know I probably won't fall back asleep, but I don't want to get up out of the warmness. This is my new solution. Don't you wish you were me? HA. So, here I am thinking about all my friends in internet land who are probably fast asleep with CrazyDogMama far from their minds. Anybody up? If you are, email me, because this sucks and I'm bored.

In a Gadda Da Vida, Baby

This day could not have gotten any longer. It has been a day, let's just go with that. I have on long-sleeved hot clothes on a summer day. I don't know why. I can't get the above-mentioned song out of my head, SOMEONE KILL ME. I need to get ready for my garage sale this weekend and I don't know where to start. Which reminds me, I'm looking forward to sitting in a chair all weekend watching weirdos sift through my crap. This will certainly justify the Crackberry purchase, if anything else.

I have blogger's-block, I think. I just can't seem to think of anything to write about. I have actually thought that maybe I would finish writing a story I started back in college. (I was really into creative writing back then.) I could copy what I've already written, and add to it, one chapter at a time on my blog. What do you think? Sound interesting to you? Would you want to read it?

This is Cindy's Fault

WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 5 am

DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Diamonds, but I wouldn’t throw a man out of my bed who gave me pearls, either.

WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Coffee on weekdays, eggs benedict, homemade waffles or omelets on Weekends.

WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Lyn

WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? Creamed corn, meatloaf and canned peas. YUCK.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Can’t pick just one.

FAVORITE SANDWICH? Roast beef on French bread with horseradish.

WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? Arrogance.

FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? My vintage Texas Chainsaw Massacre T-Shirt.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Lavender and Sage.

FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? DKNY.

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? Who cares. As long as I am retired.

WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? 21st. HOLY CRAP.

FAVORITE IDEA/CONCEPT? “Pay it Forward”.

WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? Depends, usually a 7 to a 7 ½ depending on who makes them.

ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE? Not yet.

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? Race car driver. (Shut up)

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Quiet. Lonely. Pondering.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Jr. Mints and Reses Peanut Butter Cups.

WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? My two-week vacation in August.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Memphis Style Ribs with some kick-ass BBQ sauce.

DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Nah, but I have wishes.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Black.

HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? HOT.

FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Dr. Pepper.

SIBLINGS? None.

FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? It used to be Christmas.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Atari.

SUMMER or WINTER? Fall.

HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on who it is.

COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate. But I won’t say no to vanilla.

WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Monsters, and ironing board.

WHO IS THE FRIEND THAT YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Michaela.

WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Dwelled on dumb stuff and went to bed early.

FAVORITE SMELL? I love the smell of gasoline. (I know) And fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

SALTY OR SWEET? Depends.

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? 8

HOW MANY YEARS AT YOUR CURRENT JOB? 3+

IN HOW MANY TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED? 5

DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? Acquaintances, easily. Real friends, no. I have trust issues.

Anxiety Disorder

Believe me when I tell you, you don't want one. I really thought I was the last person that would ever get one, mainly because very little really scares me. Well, it's not really about fear in that sense, it is about keeping too much emotion inside and not letting yourself deal with it. Everyone "stresses", about money, relationships, etc., but when you are in a constant state of stress with no relief and no outlet for it, you develop a lovely "anxiety disorder". I would always just shove everything aside and tell myself I would "deal with it later". I had to maintain my cool, and I had responsibilities to tend to. However, "later" never really came, and then when big things started happening all at once, I kind of shut down in a sense. Even though I can still function at work, etc., I finally had to face some ugly realities about how much your body (and mind) can take. I'm not (clinically) nuts or emotionally unstable or anything like that (don't laugh), but I'm having to learn to decompress. I can't fix everything. I'm not responsible for other people's behavior. It is OK to tell people how you really feel. It is OK to think about your own needs once in a while.

Having an anxiety attack (for me) is not usually dramatic. In fact, you may not have any clue I'm having one. There have been times of "freaking out", but mostly I just start to feel overwhelmed like I have to get away from everyone and everything. It makes me physically ill sometimes, but it cleverly disguises itself as a headache or nausea.

My therapist has had me doing EEG Biofeedback, which is a cool neurotherapy that sends signals to the brain to calm down. (It's not shock therapy, LOL!) My brain essentially has been "overstimulated", but I am happy to report that the technique is working and I'm chilling out! I also take medication, but I really hate pills and my goal is to get the root of my problems and not just bandaid them.

It is a really interesting and drug-free way to deal with anxiety, so I wrote about this today to help anyone out there who might want an alternative way to approach their stress. I will answer any questions you may have about it, feel free to ask.

OOPS

So, I thought I was being a good girl yesterday by sitting underneath the umbrella table in the shade. I wasn't in the mood to bask in the sun, and it was way too hot anyway. Unfortunately, though, I'm retarded. The sun moves throughout the day (here's where my education comes in) and as it did that, a patch of sunlight would hit my arm or leg periodically. I didn't think much of it. Until this morning. I look like an Italian tablecloth. The top of my left foot is burnt, but not my right. The back of my neck and shoulders are burnt, but not my chest. (Had my hair up.) My right arm is burnt, but not my left, and I'm also "trouting". Trouting is where the top of your forearm is tan (or burnt in my case), and when you turn it over, white as can be. Like a trout. (The fish, you know? Their backs are dark, their bellies are white.) Trouting. Yes. So, in the words of Napoleon Dynamite, "IDIOT!, GOSH!"

This is the best I can come up with today.

Because I'm that damn exciting. I'm in a sucky mood (what's new) and I'm hot and bored. Lou-dog laying in the shade, and Magadog eating ice cubes. Whoop-dee-doo.

Making Plans

So, the vacation is a go! I am feeling blessed! Thank you, GOD! You heard my plea! I can't even tell you how much I need to get away from my life right now. To just chill and relax. I've already made reservations for Maggie (poor Magadog!) to stay at the Paradise Pet Lodge because she just can't handle traveling. I have to take Louie with me because I can't afford to board both dogs, and he doesn't freak out like Maggie does. I will be throwing him into the pool with me, though. I feel bad leaving one behind, but I have no choice. It is a really nice little kennel, though.

Now I just need to get all my work done, train somebody for when I'm gone and get a few tank tops and summer things. I will take lots and lots of pictures and blog via Crackberry. For once, I will have something different to blog about. It will be a nice change, huh?

I can't wait to lay on the beach and go body surfing! Among some other fun things.

I remember #4 now.

Let me explain. #4 was from the last blog post that I could not remember. Here it is. My blog was flagged for "objectionable content" today. LOL! I feel like a bad girl, like I'm running a blog brothel or something. I'm thinking it is due to my colorful language on occasion. Not suitable for children. I, period, am not suitable for children. Just so you know. Although it's weird, when I am around children, they swarm around me like flies. They love me. I have no idea why. I went to see a friend not too long ago and her little girl was pulling me all over the place showing me her toys, wanting me to braid her hair, etc. Now, I'm not a big fan of kids, but I'm a total and complete push over. I get suckered into playing with all the kids while the adults have fun. I'll be sitting in the middle of the floor with them crawling all over me and I'll have this look on my face like "HELP ME PLEASE".

Went to dinner with my mom tonight, and just got home. We were going through 1000's of pictures that she brought back with her from my grandma's house. OMG. I was naked ALL THE TIME as a child. Seriously, they could not keep clothes on me until I was like, 12. I had pure white-blonde hair and a very tan little body. I won't post those, but there are a few not-so-naked pics that had me rolling on the floor. I'll have to do some scanning. You guys will die.

Just a few things.

#1 - I don't do fast food that often, but I found something really yummy. Wendy's spicy chicken go-wraps. MMMM.

#2 - Yes, I am wearing underwear today. I only go commando once in a while when I get behind on laundry.

#3 - Yes, I actually keep my Crackberry in my bra on occasion. I have big boobies and I can fit lots of stuff in there when I'm not carrying a purse. Sometimes people look at me funny when my boobie rings or vibrates and I reach in there and pull out the Crackberry.

#4 - I can't remember what #4 was supposed to be. It will come to me.

Blogger Award

Well, what do you know, I got a blogger award! It's from the very funny, and very sweet "Juice".

I am in a GOOD mood today! Don't fall over. What is going on you say? Well, vacation may be back on! Sometimes complaining DOES work! I'm going to have a big garage sale and sell everything, so I have money for the vacation. Really, the only things I need to survive are: Crackberry, Laptop, Camera, and Ezmerelda (my vehicle). I love my SUV, make fun of me if you want, but its comfy and big, and has leather seats, a butt warmer and a sunroof. 'Nuff said. Anyway, I will put off wanting to die until the end of August.

Here is where I will (hopefully) be staying for free. It's a real hell hole. HA.

One Word MEME from BOA

Where is your cell phone? Bra
Where is your significant other? Unknown
Your hair? Up
Your mother? Skinny
Your father? Heaven
Your favorite thing? Crackberry
Your dream last night? Trouble
Your favorite drink? Mocha
Your dream/goal? Happiness
The room you're in? Cubical
Your hobby? Photography
Your fear? God
Where do you want to be in 5 years? Unknown
Where were you last night? Home
What you're not? Normal
Muffins? Sweater (What? You’ve never heard of sweater muffins? LOL.)
One of your Wishlist items? Vacation
Where you grew up? Redmond
Last thing you did? Internet
What are you wearing? Blue
Your TV? Overused
Your pets? Ornery
Your computer? Laptop
Your life? Rollercoaster
Your mood? Sad
Missing someone? Yes
Your car? Saturn
Something you're not wearing? Underwear
Favorite store? Amazon
Your summer? Disappointing
Like someone? Yes
Your favorite color? Purple
When is the last time you laughed? Tuesday
Last time you cried? Monday

I have some wisdom today.

#1 - Do not ever go the gym angry. Your body will HATE you the next day. I cannot move and it's giving me a headache. Ow.

#2 - If you have misplaced some items and want to find them, here's what you do. Get in your car and drive about 80 miles an hour, then for no reason at all, slam on your brakes. Everything you've lost will come rolling out from underneath the seats. I found my mascara, a book and my water bottle.

I had the day from hell yesterday and was in a REALLY bad mood. Those are really fun. I'm still not in a good way, but I read two nice blog entries today and I was inspired. I'm trying to just keep plugging away, even if there feels like no reason to. I don't know why everything has to be so hard. I feel like I'm being put to some kind of test or something. Really, that's what it feels like. That is the perfect way to describe it. I can't remember what movie it is, but I think it was Charlie Sheen (of all people) who was doing it, maybe Platoon? Anyway, the scene is where he is kneeling and leaning back with his legs underneath him and he has his arms stretched out back behind him with his head tilted toward the sky. He is wailing and screaming, the kind of wailing where the very depth of your soul is crying out. That's what I've been feeling like. The kind of angst where your whole body is reacting. Where you've just had about all you can take of everything. You know the saying that "God won't give you more than you can handle"? God must think I can handle a lot, let me tell you. But I do have a roof over my head, food to eat, a good job and my health (for now). So, I'm blessed more than some. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself, but really, what a waste of time.

Don't get too attached to your money.

Financial chaos is ensuing. The stock market is continuing to tank and so is the dollar. Mark my words. I have no money, so I'm not all in a tizzy over it, but the world is coming unglued everywhere. I'm not even going to bother to post articles. Just turn on the 'censored' news, it's even on there. War with Iran coming? Probably. I'm all positive and cheery today. Just an FYI.

Life is Wonderful?

Remember that wonderful, much needed 2-week vacation in the land of sun and fun I was looking forward to the first two weeks in August? The vacation I was hyped about because I haven't been out of the Seattle area since 2001? The one where I would get two weeks off in A ROW which is something I haven't done in 10 years? Yeah, it's not going to happen. I don't know why I'm surprised. I still have the time off, but there is no point in taking it, because it is all I've got, and I don't want to waste it sitting on my big fat ass doing nothing. I may take a week and clean my home office. Awesome.

That is all I'm going to say about it. Don't ask because I FEEL like driving off a motherfucking cliff right now. I do not care about my cussing. I just don't care. Yup. In a good mood.