Ramblings

I was going to title this post "Ticking Timebomb Tuesday", but I thought you may be tired of me telling you that one of these days everyone is going to know exactly how I feel about everything. Whether you want to know or not. I have all these emotions bubbling around inside and I'm trying to be a mature, healthy adult about it, but you just never know when I'm going to tell you how full of shit you are and that I'm moving to Jamaica leaving everything behind except my laptop, favorite pair of flip flops, and sunglasses, (you know, the important things in life) where I will live in a hut, walk around naked all day long, swim under waterfalls, go ziplining and live happily ever after. If you only knew how close I am. Reality is what you make it. Everyone has been getting on my case lately, so forgive me.

On a different note, I have been watching a really cool new series. Well, I don't know how new it is, but it's called "A Haunting" and it's on the Discovery Channel. (You know you're getting old when all you mostly watch is animal planet, the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.) It's about true tales of the paranormal. It's quite creepy and if these people really are telling the truth, well DAMN. Anyway, if the subject interests you, I highly recommend it. It is WAY better than Ghost hunters or Paranormal State, both of which bore and irritate the hell out of me.

So, that is all I can think of for the moment. Maybe you'll hear from me later today. Oh, and by the way, the death toll from yesterday's earthquake in China is up to 20K now. How terrible.

Bad News

If you are squeamish, don't watch the news tonight.

A 7.9 magnitude earthquake in China has killed 9000+ people so far, and there has been a huge tornado outbreak in the US. Yikes. So awful.

Worried about my neighbor.

Fun dresses and shoes aside, there are more serious things going on. My neighbor, the one that so graciously fixed our fence on Halloween when the stupid kids kicked it down, tried to commit suicide twice, but was unsuccessful. THANK GOD. He mailed a suicide letter to someone, and they called us to go check on him. He wouldn't respond to anyone, not even us, and so they ended up having the cops do a well check. He went to a hospital for eight days and is now back. I feel so bad and helpless. Jim left him notes and messages saying if he needed to talk to call him, and that we cared. He is so young, and although he has had a rough time, I am praying so hard that he does not do anything like that. He is such a nice guy, and a good neighbor. It breaks my heart because I know what it feels like to be in that kind of despair. I would never take my own life, but I understand pain.

Shoes & Dresses

Found an even cuter black dress that I want in addition to the diva red dress. I'm going to need places to wear these. Those shoes! So sexy with jeans, and I love the ankle straps on the other ones.

Which One?

I haven't talked about this lately, but I've dropped almost 20 pounds in the last month or so. I have a way to go yet, but I'm determined! I've thrown donuts across the room and posted skinny pics for myself. I've just gotten sick of the way things are, and I'm making some life changes. This is one of them. Now, with that, is going to have to be some new clothes-buying because things are starting not to fit. I also have nothing pretty to wear. Not that I have anywhere to go to warrant such fancy things, but you just never know. Never say never, right? Right.

I'm going to buy one of these dresses (unless you tell me they suck) a couple of sizes too small so that I will keep going until they fit. They are pricey, so it will motivate me because I hate wasting money. So, tell me, which one do you like better?

An anomaly wrapped in an enigma.

My husband says I am an anomaly wrapped in an enigma. Um, thanks hon, I think.

Anomaly: An irregularity, a misproportion, or something that is strange or unusual. In particular, as used in the sciences, it means deviation from the common rule, i.e. in the experimental sciences it means difference from the norm or average of a given quantity.

Enigma: Mystery, something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained; something or someone that is mysterious or puzzling.

I don't think it is any secret that I'm a little off. I'm OK with that. Normal is boring. Some people like me just the way I am, some don't. Just because nature's fury fascinates me, doesn't mean I WANT bad things to happen. Jim rolls his eyes at me a lot when I talk about it and says, "You can't wait to survive a 10.0 can you?" (Um, NO.) Many people stick their heads in the sand, or their fingers in their ears and say "la, la, la", but not me. Perhaps I missed my calling as a scientist or storm chaser. LOL. Did you know that there are vacations you can book to ride with storm chasers? So, see, I'm not the only one!

Truth

What is it to you? Are you looking for it? Have you found it? How do you know when you've found it? Do you care? Would you die for it? What would you die for? (If anything.)

I am a truth-seeker. I want to know what is real, and what is not real. In everything. I am tenacious and diligent about it. I get frustrated, and I certainly don't always like it. I'm sure this comes out in my writing. Yes, I have found some truths, and I am still searching for others. I can tell you this much, there is much truth in the statement "Seek and ye shall find".

Drunk with Power

They gave me superpowers at work. I really like it! Apparently when I get frustrated and angry, I scare people. Go figure. I now have the ability to see any and all files that anyone in the company has opened on their computer AND the ability to CLOSE THOSE FILES AT WILL so that I can do with them what I need to. Let me tell you how much fun it was running around the building trying to figure out who had stuff open or waiting to get an email response back. It stopped me in my tracks to get things done. I can sit here now and do my evil cackle and say, "Delete! delete! delete! I've shut you down!" So much fun.

Confession

Due to popular demand via comments/email, I confess there may have been a little more to the dream. (I love all the comments lately, btw, keep them coming! It makes me feel special.)

Should I come clean? I'm already blushing as I type. Yes, I had an erotic, steamy love dream the other night, and I'm kicking myself for not taking a sleeping pill! I still remember every detail, which is rare! (Yeah, it was THAT good.) I actually told my therapist about it, and she had some interesting insights, which is not exactly what I was expecting her to say. It's a little embarrassing, but I guess that ship has sailed on this blog.

It was very passionate. I could hear the ocean waves crashing against the shore, and I could feel the sunshine on my body. How does a dream get that real? The champagne and strawberries made for a good time too. OK, that's enough for right now. I need some water. Maybe something stronger.

Morning Massacre

So, I'm in the shower, leaning up against the wall sleeping. The water is as hot as it will go. I'm not sure how long I was like that, but I'm sure it was more than a few minutes. I suddenly have a coppery metal taste in my mouth. I open my eyes and HOLY CRAP! Blood EVERYWHERE. All down the front of me, dripping onto my feet! There is even some on the wall! My nose has been gushing blood for God only knows how long. I freak. How much blood did I lose? DAMN! I cleaned myself (and the wall) up and got out, and of course all I have are big, white fluffy towels. So now, here I sit blogging about it totally naked with a towel wrapped around my head swami-style and Kleenex stuffed up my nose. As Annie would say, "HAWT!"

Dazed and Confused

I do not feel like working today. Not that I ever do really, but it does keep me from staying in bed 24/7. I did not want to get out of bed so bad today that I almost started crying. Pathetic, no? But I got up. Here I am. I was actually awake at 3:30 am this morning, just lying there. I should never be left alone with my thoughts. I couldn't go back to sleep, but I wasn't about to get up. Sometimes I'll get up and go online or get some water or something, but not this time. Just stayed there. Thinking.

Do you ever wonder what your life will be like in a year? 5 years? I keep a journal (other than this blog) and occasionally I try to guess. I'm not good at it. Life has a mind of its own. I had a very interesting session with my therapist yesterday. (She earns every penny with me.) Please don't judge me, it's kind of embarrassing to admit that kind of thing. I started seeing her (she is this really adorable 60-year-old woman) after my dad died. I just got really sick of having anxiety attacks and insomnia and depression and feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I didn't want advice on life really, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't losing it. She has assured me I'm normal. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? HAHA. I'm not going to tell you what we talked about, because hey, that may be a little too much info for the World Wide Web, but I will tell you that she really makes me think. Think in a way I've never thought before. You know, "out of the box". We even discuss religion, which is cool. She is training me to see things a little differently. I can be a little stubborn. Don't fall over with shock.

Anyway, I'm just rambling here, and I'm not sure why exactly. Sometimes the whole blogging thing seems weird. Why do I tell the world so much about myself? Why does anyone blog? Writing is a great therapy, and a good way to share with friends and family, but I think there has got to be more to it than that, because blogging is so popular. Maybe it's the human condition, we all want to be heard. No matter how many people you have in your life, married or not married, no matter if you are happy or sad or crazy, we want to feel connected. Some people write blogs, some people just read them, but all the same, here we are.

Working Hard.

Busted!

So Vivid

It's rare that I have a dream so vivid; the colors, the smells, the feeling that I was really there. Usually I have vivid nightmares, so this was an extra special treat. I'm hoping to continue it, but maybe I should just write the rest. (CrazyDogMama the romance novelist, HA!) Some of my nightmares have come true, so maybe the universe will work her magic with this one. Yeah, right after I get the pile of work done on my desk.

I actually tried to find a photo on the internet that could even come close to what I was seeing. I've never been anywhere like that, so I don't know where my brain got it, but GO BRAIN! The balcony was like this white stucco-type material and there were rocky islands in the ocean. It was a combo of these pics.

Imagine this.

You are looking over a high balcony at the beautiful crystal blue sea, far from home. It is dawn, the sun is coming up in a beautiful orange, pink and purple, and a salty sea breeze is blowing through your hair. All you have around you is the silky sheet from the cozy bed. Room service has just brought you mimosas and fresh fruit for breakfast that is waiting for you on the deck bistro table. It is warm out already and your lover comes up behind you and puts his arms around you (or her arms depending on who you are) and kisses your neck. Then I WOKE UP.

Sorry to leave you hanging.

But I was entirely too pissy this afternoon to even type. There are too many stupid people in the world. S.T.U.P.I.D. They drive me absolutely nuts. Most of the time I can just make fun of them and get a good laugh out of it, but some days it just really gets to me. Now, I am not Einstein or anything over here, but I think you guys know what I'm talking about. People with no common sense, or people that are completely unaware of their surroundings, etc. To name just a few, there are so many people that should not have a license to drive. Period. No one listens to me. EVER. I just need to go to bed. I'll be better tomorrow.

Frustrated, the other "F" word.

I really hate being frustrated. Just thought I'd let you know.

Warped Conversations

We haven't done cack this weekend. Lots of sleeping and laying in front the TV. Today is nice, sunny and warm, and the best we could muster up is to sit on the back patio under the umbrella. But you know, at least we moved. We turned on some tunes and just sat and talked. Sometimes our conversations are stimulating and sometimes, well, they are warped. Like for instance, after I took a shower, I put on some capris and flip flops to sit outside. Jim started laughing because I haven't shaved my legs for a couple of days. (YOU shut up.) He mimicked a wolf howling. I flipped him off, and as he continued to roll in hysterics, I pounded on him a little. I gave him the evil eye and started to think about what I would blog about today. I must have had the "I'm going to blog evil about you" look on my face because the next thing he said was, "The 'I'm a hero on your blog' shit is over, isn't it?" LOL. "Yes, indeed it is.", I said. "I'm going to tell the internet that you are listening to Air Supply and "How deep is your Love" by the BeeJees." Then I got the evil eye. "But you like it too!" "Yes", I said, "but I'm a girl".

So now I'm even. HA! Time to go BBQ steaks. I'm freaking starving.

Quick update on the continuing conversation:

Jim: (studying my cleavage) "Women's boobs get bigger when they gain weight, but how come men's penises don't get bigger when they gain weight? It doesn't seem fair."
My answer: "Because if that were true, every man in America would weigh 500 pounds."

View from the toilet.

I am REALLY bored today, can you tell? I just woke up. It is like, 1:30 pm. I did wake up earlier, but I justified reasons to crawl back in bed. It's one of those super lazy, wander around with no purpose kind of days.

I thought you might appreciate a nice photo from the toilet. A really, really BAD photo that I couldn't even fix in photoshop; but I digress. You see, the dogs follow me everywhere, and I mean everywhere. If I were to guess what they were saying in their heads, it would go something like this:

"What are ya doin'?"
"Are you done yet?"
"Is there food in here?"
"Can we have some food?"
"Where's the food?"

A new dish.

I made pork tenderloin in a homemade piccata sauce (capers, butter, lemon, white wine, parsley, my special chicken/beef stock, shallots, sea salt and cracked pepper), served with steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I ate ALL my veges! No potato! I'm bored with the same old things, so I got my cookbooks out. Jim thinks I'm completely out of my mind when I take pictures of my food, especially if we go to a restaurant. He pretends he doesn't know me. LOL. I can't help it.

My Hero

There is something you probably don't know about me, and that is that I am married to a real, live hero. Jim is a decorated combat veteran of the Gulf War. He courageously served his country with honors, and I am proud to know him. I think it is about time that I give him the recognition that he most definitely deserves, right here on my blog.
Jim served in the United States Army in Desert Storm in communications and ground combat. He has been rewarded with medals for his great leadership and the ability to cope effectively with things most of us would have trouble just hearing about. Some of his stories make me cringe, and for those of you who know me, know that that is hard to do.

Last night I was gazing up at his medals hanging on the wall. I decided to take them out of their case and clean everything up. I asked him to tell me about each one. He hesitated a bit, not knowing why I was asking, and also because he doesn't like to talk about it much. He gets embarrassed sometimes when people make a big deal out of it.

I love you, Jim. Thank you for what you did.

Starting at the top left, going from left to right:

1. Good Conduct Medal (self-explanatory.)
2. Purple Heart (For being wounded in combat, Jim was "gassed" with nerve gas from enemy forces.)
3. Bronze Star (For heroism, Jim fed starving Kuwaiti children and then ambushed men who came in to take it away.)
4. Army Commendation Medal (For good performance at a duty station.)
5. Army Achievement Medal (and I quote: "For saving everybody's ass on a field problem.")
6. Kuwaiti Liberation Medal (Awarded to Jim by the Saudi Arabian Government.)
7. Humanitarian Service Medal (For Jim's unit's involvement in "Operation Provide Comfort".)
8. Southwest Asia Service Medal (Self-explanatory.)
9. National Defense Service Medal (Awarded for being in the military during a time of war.)
10. Another Kuwaiti Liberation Medal (Awarded to Jim by the Kuwaiti Government.)