Things that irritate me, part four million and six.

1. When people honk their car horns, and it is NOT an emergency. It scares the crap out of me.
2. When people spell LOSE with two O's. (Loose). OMG! Come ON! (I may have mentioned this before, but it REALLY bugs me.)
3. People who do not have a sense of humor.
4. Cutesy home decor. Like cartoon stitchery angels and shit. GAG ME.
5. Too much clutter on your work desk that is not work related. We all have some, I'm talking ridiculous amounts here.
6. When people put their kids on the phone. I do not wish to have a conversation with a toddler, thank you. Put your dog on the phone instead, it will be more intellectual for me.
7. People who think their kids are too cute to be annoying. YOU ARE WRONG.
8. Tailgaters. I will slam on my brakes, don't do it.
9. People at Costco who will not MOVE OUT OF MY WAY when I say excuse me.
10. People who hum.
11. People who don't like dogs.
12. When people stand too close to me. Get out of my personal space.
13. When people don't stand by their word.
14. When you tell someone to shut up at the movie theatre, then they have an attitude with you. OH PLEASE COME OVER HERE AND LET ME SMACK THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.
15. Reality shows. (Sorry, everyone)
16. Packaged things that are too hard to open.

If you do any of these things, it doesn't mean I hate you, I'm sure I annoy plenty of people. Get over yourself.

Undecided

I am really having a dilemma on whether or not I will give out the two HUGE bags of candy I got from Costco tonight to those damn punk teenage kids who DON'T EVEN DRESS UP anymore, they just come to the house, ring the doorbell 50 times in a row, make the dogs nuts, and then stand there with their pants hanging down to their knees saying, "Trick or Treat, Dude". I don't know if I can take it. I think I will just eat all the candy myself and risk the vandalism. Fuck it. The only thing I will miss are the really cute 2-year-olds in the lion and dinosaur costumes. I'm not a kid person, but damn they are cute. I remember last year when my husband was dressed as Leatherface with blood all over him, and this cute little, tiny girl was smiling at him and wanted to touch his deformed face. I melted. All the other ones cried and screamed, but I wanted to adopt that little angel!

Louie is also quite fixated on the candy. I will not let him have any because as you know chocolate is poison to dogs, but that little fuzbutt follows me around, tries to lick the chocolate off of my lips and climbs up onto the coffee table to steal the candy wrappers and run with them into his crate for safe keeping. Ahh, Halloween.

Headaches, Hair Products, and Hunger

So yesterday was interesting. I had a migraine headache from hell. It was one of those headaches where you want to turn all the lights off, need it to be incredibly quiet, and lay down so you don't throw up. Of course, I was at work where the lights are brighter than a fricking football stadium, everybody was running around nuts and LOUD, and I couldn't lay down because it was hella-busy. Driving home was fun, I was seeing spots and weird colors. For EXTRA fun, they were doing construction on the road up to my house and they have it detoured about 10 minutes out of the way. It was awesome.

All better today, but I had to tell you about Christmas in the company bathroom. There is this girl who bought all of this fancy foo-foo hair product and face stuff and decided she was never going to use it, and instead of throwing it away, she put it all in the bathroom at work and told us to take it away! We're talking Aveda, Bed Head, Clinique, etc. I WAS SOO ALL OVER THAT. I'm stocked now!

Lastly. I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. I can't get my mind off food. Especially comfort food. I want turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and ham and scalloped potatoes and gravy and I don't think I'm going to make to Thanksgiving. Want. stuffing. NOW.

The Silly Viking

We were trying on hats in Leavenworth, and Jim is silly.

CrazyDogMama fell down and went boom.

My new "I hate the fucking treadmill so I'm going to play Racquetball instead" idea is sucking today. My feet stopped abruptly on the court, and the rest of me didn't. I landed hard on my right knee. I got the shot, though, I'll have you know. My knee is purple and pounding right now and I'm getting a headache. *Sigh* I'm such an R-Tard.

Nuke Tips

Stan Deyo just put out an article on "Nuke Tips", and surviving the apocalypse. Isn't that neat?

A Meme from Yerdoingitwrong.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you think? Holy CRAP.
2. How much cash do you have on you? 34 cents.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? Jest.
4. Favorite planet? Pluto
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile phone? Jim.
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? The theme from "Halloween" the movie.
7. What clothes are you wearing? Black slacks, lavender shirt, black shoes.
8.Do you label yourself? Yeah, but I hate peeling them off.
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing right now? Rockport.
10. Bright or Dark Room? I like dark rooms.
11. What were you doing at midnight last night? Trying to sleep.
12. What did your last text message you received say? No one text messages me. I think I'll go eat worms.
13. What's a saying that you say a lot? "Shut up."
14. Who told you they loved you last? Jim.
15. Last furry thing you touched? Louie.
16. How Many Drugs Have You Done in the Past three Days? Some.
17. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? 4.
18. Favorite age you have been so far? 21 & 22.
19. Your worst enemy? Myself.
20. What is your current desktop picture? Trees turning colors.
21. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Sure." In response to the question "Are we going to the gym today?"
22. If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a major regret? Show me the money.
23. Do you like someone? Yes.
24. The last song you listened to? "My Sharona" by The Knacks.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.

It's coming. BE THERE. The saw is family.

CrazyDogMama, the Photographer

Ha! Well, I had my first wedding photography gig this weekend. Some friends of mine (Brittany and Daryl) got married in Leavenworth, WA yesterday and I took the pics. I thought I would share some of my favorites with you all. It was such a gorgeous day, about 80, and all the leaves were just starting to turn. You can click on them to enlarge them; they are much better that way.

Motivational Poster

I totally and completely stole this from the very talented "Diablo Cody and her Pussy Ranch", but since it made me laugh for a straight hour and 20 minutes, I had to do it. Please Diablo, do not kick my ass, but share in the joy that is having a dog (or two) run your life. Thanks!

A not-so-vicious post.

OK, I'm a little better today. I still feel like shit, but I don't want to kill anyone. Yesterday was a fun day of a migraine headache complete with snot-heaves. Yeah, I know. I'm back to work today, and I'm actually glad because staying in bed all day yesterday coughing my head off was no fun at all.

I have two new favorite shows, people. "Jericho" and "Men in Trees". Jericho is about a small town of people in Kansas who see a nuclear bomb go off in the distance and are totally cut off from all communications and don't know what the hell is going on or what to do. TOTALLY my kind of show. Men in Trees is about a woman (Ann Heche) who is a relationship coach whose love life goes in the shitter. She goes to a small Alaska town (from NY) to do a seminar and ends up staying there. It reminds me a little of "Northern Exposure", which I loved. It's just a silly, light-hearted show that I'm in love with. Total chick show, but Jim likes it too. We want to move to Alaska now.

Somebody Kill Me

I am so cranky today it isn't even funny. I still don't feel good, I woke up at 3 am, I'm hungry and have NO money and the work keeps piling up on my desk. Jim has bronchitis and is home sick. (Sick men SUCK. Whiny-ass babies. Not that I'm any better right now.) I pretty much want to kill everybody, not because they are doing anything, just because. My work stocks cold medicine, and I think I have taken enough Sudafed to outfit a meth lab. I sort of want to cry, too.

All Work and No Play Makes Cheryl a Sick Girl.

Ugh. I am hella-busy at work, and I am sick. My head aches, I think I have a fever because I am sweating and have the chills, my throat is scratchy and my tummy hurts. But I'm here, working. I haven't been to the gym in 2 days - and tomorrow I'm supposed to cash in the free "training sessions" I won. Don't think I'm gonna make it. Crap.

Here is my stepson, Mr. Snotty Snotterson, who is the one WHO MADE ME SICK.

Fall is here.

Fall comes to Washington in, like, one day. It will be in the 80's, then BOOM! The next day it's 55 and raining buckets. I had my windshield wipers on full blast this morning, accompanied by the butt-warmer, which I love. I was so ready for fall. I don't really like hot weather. Yeah, it's fun to go swimming and stuff, but I get all grumpy when I'm sweaty and dizzy from the heat. I'm all giddy to wear sweaters and scarves and cuddle up with my puppies with a nice, warm cup of cocoa and a good book. It's also supposed to thunder and lightning today, hooray! I know, I know, I'm weird. I even like the fact that it's dark now in the morning when I drive to work. I don't really know why. But I do. Right now, I'm trying to figure out some cold-weather comfort food to make for dinner. Stew? Roast?

Slow Dancing

OK, we're a little tipsy, but not too wasted to be all romantic and stuff. We just slow danced, you know, like you did in Highschool when you just hugged and rocked back and forth? Yeah, like that. My honey was all touched because I sang along. Do you know the song?

Love ain't a candle
It doesn't burn for one night
And need the dark to shine
Love is alive
And love ain't just a word
In every dictionary
With no where defined
Love is a man and he's mine

Love is alive
And at our breakfast table
Everyday of the week
Love is alive
And it grows everyday and night
Even in our sleep
Love is alive
And it's made a happy woman out of me
Oh love is alive
And here by me
Love ain't just a rule
A distant far away dream
That needs the night to rise

Love is alive
And love ain't just a song
Sweet words of music
To go dancin' by
Love is a man and he's mine
Love is alive, here by me

Apparently, I haven't done much living.

Just highlight the things you've done.  Got this from Yerdoingitwrong.

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66.Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently (not quite, but close)
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication.
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

My results: 62 out of 150. That's 41%, a big fat FAIL.

12 Years Ago Today

I was translated into untold bliss. Well, I was married. I have to say that it has not all been perfect, but I woke up today truly glad to celebrate with my honey. I made us eggs benedict for breakfast, and Jim went to get me chocolate donuts. We have also been planning our next Disneyland trip! It's a little far out because we have had a difficult financial year, but we are all excited to have something to look forward to. I love you, Jim. How about another 12 years?

The pics: Us on August 27th, 1994, my bachelorette party the Wednesday before, eggs benedict this morning, August 27th, 2006.

Statistically Improbable Things

Got this from Whirled Peas: List 10 statistically improbable things I've done (or things I've done that most people haven't.)

1. I've hit 2 deer and 1 dog with my car and lived. Three different vehicles, all traumatic.
2. I had graduated from a four-year college, been through the police academy, been a cop and gotten married all by the time I was 22.
3. I've jumped out of a perfectly good airplane 7 times.
4. I've had to have surgery to get a kidney stone out.
5. I've never broken a bone (just a small fracture in my wrist) and I'm incredibly clumsy.
6. I can eat an entire large pizza by myself just outside of 10 minutes.
7. I've never been outside the country, and my dad worked for United Airlines.
8. I've never had a root canal or a crown, and I've only had 2 very small cavities in my life, and I'm 34.
9. I couldn't burp until I was 25.
10. I can vomit at any time, on queue.

I combed my hair today BEFORE WORK.

I know you're thinking "really?", but if you compare this photo to the one I posted the other day, you can see the difference. Now I just need to do something about those dark circles under my eyes. Like go to Tahiti for a month.

Hell is Frozen and Pigs are Flying

I woke up in a good mood. I KNOW. That, in and of itself is a miracle, but the fact that it is ALSO Monday, well, that's SOMETHING!

The weekend was nothing special, just cleaned the house. Scrubbed the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen floor, washed my throw-rugs. Not too exciting. Jim mowed and watered the grass and washed my car.

I got to work today, said good morning to everyone and started working RIGHT AWAY. I don't know what is going on. It's a little scary.