The joy of being a CrazyDogMama.

After a shit day, I come home. One dog pisses on floor, the other dog pukes. The piss-dog tries to eat the puke-dogs puke. I clean it up and dry heave in the kitchen sink because I haven't eaten all day due to stress. I have a beer. I will probably be "Sleepless in Seattle" again tonight because my anxiety level is off the charts. It might be rubbing off on the dogs. Somebody kill me now.

Sleep happens.

I finally got a few Z's. Not many, mind you, but a few. I went to bed at 10 pm last night after taking a sleeping pill and didn't wake up until 3 am. Five hours is better than nothing! Light looks like actual light today instead of orange, glowy shadows, and my ears have stopped ringing. THANK GOD. I have decided that it's not really 2006 for me until next week, when all the Christmas food is gone, and I am no longer zombie-woman. Then, and only then, will I revisit my resolutions. Until then, rational thoughts and good eating are dead to me.

This is what happens when I have Insomnia.

I do have some serious insomnia. It is 5:18 am in the New Year and I haven't been to bed. It's been this way for 5 days now. I nap a little during the day, but that's it. Usually, I sleep too much so I don't know what to do with myself. The house is quiet. Everyone is asleep. The dogs even gave up on me. This is bad. I'm pacing, listening to my iPod, and blogging. The strangest stuff goes through your head at 3 am.

Anyway, I found this little tidbit from "Palm Tree Princess". It's some sort of "MEME" thing. Whatever that is. Happy New Year.

1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?
Paid some bills late. Gah.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Kept some, totally screwed some up. Yes, I have resolutions, more like goals.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope. Thank God.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope. Thank God.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. I never go ANYWHERE.
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Money.
7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 20th, leaving my job of 10 years. It was scary and quite freeing, I was severely stuck in a rut.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I quit smoking for a few weeks.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Gaining more frigging weight.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I suffered more mental illness, and I had a really bad cold. I also fell down some stairs and really messed up my ankle, then I fell off of a ladder and slammed my head into a coffee table.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Sony Laptop.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine, of course.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine, of course.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Damn credit card companies and that really awesome espresso stand down the street.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My new job where I get paid lots more money for doing less work.
16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
'Feeling Way Too Damn Good' by Nickelback. I don't know why.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Both, for different reasons.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Eating correctly.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating poorly.
20. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
Um, its January now, so I have no idea.
21. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Yes. With my iPod Shuffle.
22. How many one-night stands?
100. Kidding, I'm married, with morals.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Invasion.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No, I still hate all the same people.
25. What was the best book you read?
'While I Was Gone" by Sue Miller, but I still haven't finished it.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't know, I guess I listened to Hoobastank for the first time, and Nickelback.
27. What did you want and get?
Portable printer and a bonus from work.
28. What did you want and not get?
Respect from Louie and Maggie.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Probably "The Devil's Rejects".
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 34 and I went to Scrapbook camp. Shut up.
31.What one thing made your year measurably more satisfying?
My year was not measurably satisfying in any way.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Like I have a fashion concept. Nudity, mostly.
33. What kept you sane?
I am not sure I have ever been sane.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
None. I hate celebrities and public figures.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Duh.
36. Who did you miss?
Some friends from my old work.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
All the people I work with now, they rock.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
I should never get on ladders.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don't feel like it.

Starbucks Coffee Liqueur

This is the Yummiest Yumness in the History of the World. It is going to be a very good evening.

When you smell like gingerbread.

Men follow you around and buy you flowers.

Being girly.

Despite my recent fixation on everything horror, I am still a girly-girl. I got some perfume and body lotion for Christmas! In fact, here is some body butter I got that makes me smell all yummy. "Gingerbread Body Butter", OMG.

The kid and his loot.

He got a "PSP" for Christmas. I don't even know what it is. Some kind of gaming thingee? I'm so out of the loop.

The Year is almost over.

What a year. The new job was the biggest change, because it was a major move out of my ten-year comfort zone. I'm super glad I took the leap, though. It's not just that it is more money, which is great, but I found out that I don't have to be afraid anymore or feel trapped. It's like I was co-dependent with my job! I have more confidence, and the future doesn't seem so bleak. Yes, I'm still suffer from anxiety, but that is going to happen no matter what job I have. I don't know what 2006 holds, but I'm looking forward to finding out! Right now, I'm just going to enjoy some days off with hubs & the pups. Hope everyone is enjoying time with their families.

Wolf Creek Review

There are good points, and there are bad points. All in all, it was well done, but it left me wanting. The storyline was good, the musical score was great (creepy) and the acting was really good. It took a while to get going, but I can't complain about that because so did the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. What made me angry was all the editing. I did some research on the deleted scenes, and damnit I don't understand why they didn't keep them in! The movie was short, and with a slow start you didn't get to see enough good stuff. What was there was good, but when it ended, I'm all like, that's it? I need more blood! I need more spinal cords ripped out! Just when it gets all juicy, it ends. I found a deleted scene where one of the girls go down a mining shaft looking for one of her friends and finds all kinds of disgusting stuff. That is what horror film fanatics go see the movie for, dumbasses! Stupid editors. Stupid movie studios. They ruin more flicks that way. Remember when the movie studios got in trouble for films like "The Exorcist"? Remember when it was up to the individual on whether or not they HAD to wear a seatbelt? Fucking communist bastards.

I need to see this one.

"Wolf Creek" came out on Christmas day. If it wasn't for that family of mine, I totally would have gone to see it. I will probably be seeing it today, even though I will probably have to sell blood to afford it. NINE fricking dollars to go see a damn movie. How worth it though, when the previews say, "Best horror flick since the Texas Chainsaw Massacre"? Yeah, they sold me with THAT line!

Best Christmas Present *EVER*

My Mother-In-Law knows me well! Leatherface! The action figure! Complete with chainsaw and armadillo! LOL!

Christmastime at Crazydogmama's

We are all ready. Presents are wrapped, dogs are washed and wearing their jingle bells, camera batteries are charged. We ate massive amounts of lasagna for dinner and watched "A Christmas Story", "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", and all the "Friends" Christmas episodes. Ahhh. Tomorrow starts our celebrating. We are going to my in-law's house for Christmas Eve to open presents and have dinner with my stepson, and then we're spending Christmas morning and Christmas dinner with my parents. I will be exhausted. This is my first Christmas in a long time without smoking, and I'm really hoping my stress level stabilizes. If not, alcohol and Lexapro will have to do. I took a picture of our tree, and the dogs with their bells on. Have a Holly Jolly Christmas y'all!

An Explanation, a Thank You, and an Ode to My Butt-Warmer

Oh Butt-warmer, how much do I love thee? Let me count the ways. While snot is flying, rain is pouring, and traffic reports are blaring, you warm my ass like no other. I love you so. You made it so I sang this morning, "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". I don't know how I can repay you for your kindness.

OK, back to sanity. I'm feeling better today, and my butt is happy. I want to thank all of my blog-readers for being so kind and I want to wish you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS or HAPPY HANNUKKAH or whatever you celebrate! You have made me smile this week.

Now for explanations. What the hell was I talking about yesterday? Well, here it is. Life is short. Life is too short to waste on a bad mood, which is what I've been in what seems like, an eternity. There are lots of things I want to do in 2006, and yes one of them is to get back into shape, but more importantly, I want to appreciate what I have more. I have a nice home, I have a loving family, I have a great husband who, even though has been a booger this week, is truly a great man that I love with all my heart. I have many blessings that I take for granted, and I don't want to do that anymore. Jim and I had a long talk last night about the state of the world and the state of our hearts. He wrote me a love letter for Christmas. He was going to type it up all nice and put it in my stocking, but because I have been in such a funk, he decided to give it to me last night. It was so cool it made me cry. It was full of fond memories we share. He ended it with "You are my lobster." For those of you who are "Friends" fans, you'll know what that means.

Here's to all of you, may your New Year be awesome!

Love, CrazyDogMama and the Fur-Butts

Ch-Ch-Changes

I need to make some. Smoking was a start, now it's time for some big ones. I am not sure exactly what yet, but I know I'm tired of being depressed and angry all the time. Getting back in shape is definitely one of them, but some sacrifices will have to be made to get there, and it will take lots of hard work. There are people who may not like some of the changes I will make, but OH WELL. Quitting the restaurant job and getting a new day job was a good change for me in 2005, but I need to make better use of the extra time I now have. This past week has been a shitty one for me, on many levels, but the pity-pot is getting pretty darn old. I want to smash it to pieces. Look out, people, here comes CRAZYDOGMAMA!

Adding to the Christmas Joy

I have the freaking flu. It started last night, the metallic taste in my mouth, the surreal feeling, and the sneezing. This morning upon waking from the NyQuil induced coma, I had a fever. Lovely. I'm working from home today (sort of) and drowning myself in Top Ramen because I can't have chicken soup. (It makes me poop funny.) The dogs are happy because Mama is home. They are curled up by my feet here at the computer. I have 2 Kleenex boxes, 2 bottles of NyQuil, my Top Ramen and a big, stupid blanket around me. I just sneezed and got snot all over my laptop monitor. Oops. Nice. The phone is ringing off the hook, and I don't care. Damn solicitors. and bill collectors. Leave me alone, its Christmas, and I'm sick! I think maybe it's time for a nap.

A Little "Grinchy"

Apparently, I'm all Bah Humbug this year, which is VERY uncharacteristic of me. I'm usually singing Christmas songs at my desk driving everyone crazy. It could be that I'm completely broke, or that I don't feel good, or that I just quit smoking or, well, any number of things really. I'm just a little blue this year. Someone (no name on it) left me a little present on my desk this morning. It is wrapped pretty with little gold chocolate coins taped to it. Someone is trying to cheer me up. I'm opening it even though it says, "Hands off until Christmas". Oh, and by the way, if I hear ONE more radio report of someone getting pissed over the word "Christmas" I am going to find that person and scream CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS! in their face for an hour while beating them with a tube of wrapping paper until they are unconscious. Fa-la-la.

It's a box of little Almond Roca Balls! How sweet! I don't hide my emotions very well. In fact, I am quite dramatic about everything. Shocker. I'll try to be better; I promise. I'll wish everyone a very Merry Christmas in between crying spells.

Um, Hello?

OK, none of you fuckers have commented on my new AWESOME CrazyDogMama banner. A friend of mine helped me with it because I am html-challenged. It looks 'clear' to me on my work computer, but fuzzy on my home computer. Let me know what you see and tell me how pretty. Or not.

I have nothing to wear.

Company Christmas party tonight. A dinner cruise with an open deck. Its 24 degrees outside, Jim has bronchitis and I have nothing to wear, which is the real issue. It is an open bar with no drink limit. Another problem.

Endearing or Gross?

Every morning when I step out of the shower, there Louie is, tongue ready to lick my legs. I don't know whether he is thirsty, if bath water tastes yummy or if he has just missed me during that long 20 minutes. It is a true mystery. Nevertheless, he does it. Every time. At first, I thought EWW! Dog saliva on my newly washed skin! But now, I look forward to it. He always comes running in as soon as I shut the water off. Don't judge me.

New Experiences

Let me tell you, with no nicotine, and very little caffeine in my system, things look different and feel different. I can breathe, but I can't think. I have been staring at my blank blogger screen for 10 minutes now and I just can't get my fingers to move. Work is slow right now and jamming a pen into my eye is starting to sound like a viable option. I don't want to talk to anyone in particular, but I want to talk. I want to ramble. About nothing, and everything. I don't feel like myself, but for the first time in a long time I have clarity. CLARITY.

Definition: clarity, lucidity, pellucidity, clearness, limpidity - free from obscurity and easy to understand; the comprehensibility of clear expression.

That really doesn't sound like me, does it?

I had no 'plan' to quit smoking, I just did it. I had wanted to do it for a long time, and had thought about it quite a bit, but there was no, "I am going to quit on such-and-such day." I just thought to myself, "I don't want these anymore" at 5 pm on the commute home one day last week. I smoked for 15 years. It was defining on some level. Who the hell AM I now? Holy crap, I am one of those nonsmoker people.