Eyedrops Suck.

Did you ever watch that episode of Friends where Rachel freaks out and gets pinned down on the floor because she can't give herself (or let anyone else give her) eyedrops? That's me, totally. It freaks me out to let anything touch my eyes. I could never wear contacts. It was interesting last night when I was trying to give myself eyedrops for my pink eye. I close my eye JUST as the drop falls. The drop runs down my face like a tear. Damn. I try again. Same thing. I try holding my eye open. I freak out and drop the eye dropper-thingee in the sink, let out a shriek, then start cussing myself out. The dogs bark at me when I shriek. I gotta figure out how to tell the doctor I need another prescription because it takes almost the whole bottle to give myself one dose. I am supposed to do this 4 times a day for a week. Yeah, right. Just take my eye out now and save the hassle.

Pink Eye!

That's right, folks! CrazyDogMama has Pink Eye! Yucky! I'm quarantined at the moment while my eye produces goo. At first I thought it was allergies, but then two of my co-workers were sent home with it, so I decided to go to the doctor. Yup, got it. Can't go to the restaurant tonight (bummer! Hehe.) It kinda feels like I have an eyelash stuck in my eye, or like when I have eye-crusties from hell. I am supposed to go to a "Passion Party" tomorrow night, but I'm not sure if anyone will want me touching the sex toys. Ha!

TV Blues

There is nothing on TV that I want to watch. Sigh. Since Friends has ended, I think I've turned the TV on once. I loathe, LOATHE reality shows. Now, before you start spitting on your computer screen at me, I don't loathe the people that WATCH them, just the shows themselves. They really irritate me for some reason. American Idol, Survivor, all of them. It is just way too frustrating for me to watch. I seem to have the opposite opinion of the general public, so the whole voting thing just sends me into a fit. I know that Friends is "mainstream", but it really just cracks me up. I own all the seasons that have been released so far. Pathetic, huh? I guess I'm just stuck with Netflix for now since I'm a movie-junkie. Whatever you do, DON'T rent Elvira's Haunted Hills, it's really lame. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, however, rocks. :) Maybe I should be Elvira this year for Halloween?

Mocha Madness & Riding in Cars with Dogs

So, on Mother's Day I decided to take the dogoids with me to my mom's house. (Jim went to his mom's house by himself; we didn't have enough time to do both sets of parents together.) As you know, riding in the car is not the calmest experience with Louie and Maggie. DumbAssDogMama decided that because her head was pounding from a headache, some caffeine was in order, so I stopped at one of those drive-thru espresso stands. Once I put on the emergency break, (this is the queue for the dogs to launch) Louie dives for the window on my side, right across my lap. Pushing the fur away from my face trying to get Louie off of me, I manage to spurt out "Could I get an iced mocha with whip, please?" The girl in the coffee box was holding back laughter, I could tell. Maggie then starts her ear-piercing "Oh my GOD a NEW person" squeal. As I am trying to dig money out of my purse, I am yelling at the dogs to sit, get down, shut up, sit and stay, none of which is working. The barista girl hands me my mocha, and I put it in my cup-holder telling the dogs to "stay out of it". She also hands me 2 Milkbones. (What a sweetheart.) Thinking the dogs are now occupied with the treats, I hand her my money. I TURN AWAY FOR ONE SECOND and BOOM! There is Louie face-down in my mocha. I scream "NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" That's MAMA'S MOCHA!" Louie raises his fuzzy little head and reveals his whip-creamed nose. He has on his little doggie smile, and it looks like he is ready to shave. The barista girl is now busting up. I just give up.

Fun Stuff on a Stupid Day

I stole this idea.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:

"Or try multigrain, oat and bran, rye, or whole wheat breads." This is from my lunch-time purchase of The South Beach Diet Cookbook. I'm getting sick of my Eating for Life Cookbook. Is it OK to drink a mocha Frappuccino while glancing through a diet cookbook?

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?

My other purchase of "Burt's Bees Body Lotion". It smells just like the coconut oil I used to wear to the beach. MMMMMM.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

The news. Boooooring.

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.

2:45 pm.

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

2:49 pm. I am at work, whadya expect?

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Machinery. I work at a manufacturing plant.

7. When did you last step outside? what were you doing?

Lunchtime. I went to the bookstore, the bank, got a Frappuccino and bought a bra. What do YOU do on your lunch break?

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at?

I was catching up on my favorite bloggers.

9. What are you wearing?

A rusty orange colored V-neck cotton shirt, black slacks and black leather shoes.

10. Did you dream last night?

Yes, I remembered it when I woke up, but I can't remember now. They have been quite interesting lately - I should write them down.

11. When did you last laugh?

When my husband called me on my lunch break. I was at the drive-thru at the bank, and I had just put on my new Burt's Bees hand lotion. I was making a deposit. I told my husband to hold on while I sent it through. The teller was chatty and asked me if I had just been tanning because she could smell coconuts. I exclaimed "Oh my God - you can smell my hand lotion through those tube thingees? She busted up laughing and so did my husband. She said "No, I can smell it on your checks." My husband said to me: "I love you. You make me laugh." I realized what a bonehead I sounded like and started laughing and couldn't stop.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

A clock. A calendar. An inspirational picture. My office sucks.

13. Seen anything weird lately?

I see something weird about every 10 minutes. The last thing I saw was someone washing a plastic fork in the kitchen sink. Aren't you supposed to throw those things away?

14. Last movie you saw?

10.5. Lame. But I do love disaster movies. Can't wait for "The Day After Tomorrow".

15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

A completely restored black 1967 RS SS Camaro. No, actually, FIRST I'd probably buy some Ibuprofen from the bump I got on my head from falling over from shock.

16. Tell me something about you that I don't know.

I can barf on queue. Talented, aren't I?

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

That question makes my brain hurt. I don't freakin' know.

18. Do you like to dance?

Yes, but not in public. I like to dance naked in front of the dogs. They seem to enjoy it.

19. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or someone who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?

I don't 100% agree with everything he has done, but generally, I am a supporter. It is a good thing I am not President because I would have just nuked Iraq. I went to an AC/DC concert back in 91' - and they were selling "Fuck Iraq" t-shirts. I should have bought one.

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

A total accident. I would name her either Ellie (short for Elsie which was my grandma's name) or Riley.

21. Same question for a boy

Wyatt. That was my maiden name.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yes. But I like America, so I wouldn't stay there long.

Twilight Zone Tower of Terror!

OOHH, I need to go on THAT new ride! I haven't been to the Disneyland Resort since Christmas of 2001. That is WAY.TOO.LONG. for me!!! I am a complete Disneyland junkie. I am waiting for the new Space Mountain to open up in 2005 before I book a trip. That is my favorite ride, and it would just be too sad to go if I couldn't make that my first (and last) ride. Its tradition, and you don't monkey with tradition. Still, though, I want to go bad. I feel like just getting in the car and going. I hate being an adult. All this responsibility shit sucks.

Wet Dog Contest

Hee-hee, Maggie loves to play in the lake, but she flips out during bath time. Jim has to do it because I can't keep her still. This past bath time event was too funny for words. While Maggie was thrashing around in the bathtub, Louie, who if you recall hides behind the toilet when I say "bath", jumped INTO the bathtub to rescue Maggie! Now THAT'S love!! I am not going to talk about the fact that Louie had already received his grooming beforehand, and so got completely messed up doing that. Ahh, the joys of being a dogmama.

Look at that tongue! Is that the doggie equivalent of flipping me off?

Bees and Neighbors

It is quite difficult to find the motivation to blog when things are so completely uneventful. There are days when I could write a novel about the drama that is my life, then there are days when all I have to say is feh. This is one of those days. The most exciting thing about this weekend so far is that I had my last scrapbooking workshop for a while. We had pizza and mudslides (Mmmm.) and got drunk on the mudslides. We got nothing accomplished; it was basically just a bunch of women sitting around drinking and bitching with pictures laid out in front of them. The dogs have been romping in the grass with all the sunny weather, but we have a major wasp problem this year, so mostly I run in and out of the house making sure the dogs don't get stung. There is much yelling, "Stop eating grass, there could be a bee in there! Stop rolling, there might be a bee under you! Get away from the bees!" I guess you could say I'm a little overprotective. I, myself, am terrified of bees. I am very allergic to them, and of course have never purchased a bee kit. My husband calls me "Dances with Bees".

Speaking of yelling, I just thought of something funny. My beloved neighbors (huh.) have decided to build a gigantic monstrosity in their backyard, probably specifically to annoy me. It is this big cedar swing set/playset for their little beasts. I found out that the wife (who I refer to as Skeletor because she looks just like him. Can you say ugly skinny?) is thinking of starting a daycare at her home. Apparently, God hates me. Can you imagine CrazyDogMama living next to a frigging daycare? Help me now. Anyways, the other day Skeletor and some other stupid woman had 5 kids back there playing and I, of course, was yelling at the dogs to watch out for bees. I said something like "Get your fuzzy little asses in here!" Two kids started crying, and the other three looked at me like they were "Godsend" children. The two adults glared. I hope they all get stung. Here is a picture of the damn thing:

Bones and Funnel Clouds

What a day. Yesterday it was all nice and warm and everyone was happy. Today, not so much. I woke up with a headache and called work to tell them I would be late. I got there at 10 am. (I start at 6:30 am). I always get headaches when the weather can't make up its mind. It is 20 degrees cooler today than yesterday. Then, there was a thunder and lightning storm with claps of thunder so loud I dove under my desk. The building I work in is mostly glass, so it freaks me out. (You should have seen me in 2001 when we had a 6+ earthquake.) Driving home, my mom calls my cell phone. I can't find my frigging phone. I'm throwing shit all over my car while driving trying to find my phone because I absolutely can't stand not answering a ringing phone, or at least checking the caller ID. She tells me to watch out for lightning bolts and funnel clouds. Apparently, the news said it is wreaking havoc on the freeway drivers. Super, mom. Now I'm worried about the dogs. I decided to stop and get them some bones to chew on in case they are scared. Now my house smells like hooves. Yum.

Puppies and Sunshine

Good morning all, here I sit at my desk eating a chonga bagel and drinking an iced mocha. No low carbs here! OK, so my diet sucks right now. I spent the whole day yesterday CLEANING. I am sorer from that, than from my workout. Getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing just kicks my ass. The dogs are even exhausted from following me back and forth. There's nothing like having little doggie tongues licking your toes when you are scrubbing the bathroom floor. I also gave them both a bath, which is an event in and of itself. I end up wetter than the dogs, and the amount of hair that gets all over the bathroom could make a whole new dog. (Hence the bathroom cleaning.) They are serious pains-in-the-ass. But at least they smell good now!!!! Hey, let's all congratulate Nichole on her new puppy Kipper! May she have all the best puppy breath!

It's going to be 80 degrees here today, and I'm just not ready. I like sunshine, don't get me wrong, but I have no summer clothes and I am pasty-white. I could blind small children and animals with my whiteness. Guess I better get on that, huh?

Hangin' Around

I really had to think about my last picture post. What in the holy hell was Louie doing? I went into the bedroom and found that he somehow got tangled up in the hanger I use for my "restaurant uniform" that had fallen to the ground. It made more sense at that point because I usually spill oogobs of pasta sauce on myself while working. Louie is a nutjob when it comes to human-food. He will do anything. I have caught him strattling the recliner and the end table trying to get to a candy wrapper. Anyway, I am figuring that he was going for the lick-mama's-uniform routine and somehow managed to get stuck in the hanger. Then, when he couldn't figure out how to get out of it, and all the pasta sauce on my shirt had been consumed, he decided he was still hungry and moseyed on down to his food bowl. It was at that point that I saw him. Luckily, I had my camera sitting out. Do my dogs get into the trash? No. Do my dogs chew on slippers? No. Do my dogs get tangled up in hangers? Yes! Never a dull moment with Cairn terriers.

Really?

Trying to figure out what is going on here.

The Crazy Restaurant Biz

So, last week I was seconds away from being fired for my attitude, and then last night I'm getting begged to stay. The restaurant biz is psycho. I guess the best plan of action is be your confident self, be ethical, and don't take any shit from anyone. At some point they will respect you, usually. My life is one of these "I have no idea what is going to happen from one moment to the next" kind of lives.

Speaking of which, Louie peed on the bed again. That damn dog. Every now and then we have these frigging dominance issues. Its maddening. Ooohh - I gotta go - work is getting busy. I'll be back.

Louie no like swimming.

Tidbits

There is absolutely nothing exciting going on. The best I can do is this: I am looking for a new part-time restaurant job because my new bosses are irritating me. It is not good to irritate CRAZYDOGMAMA. I have been working, then going home and going straight to bed. I keep having these crazy dreams that I can remember in freaky detail. They haunt me all day long. What does THIS mean? Lou and Mags have been pretty lazy the last few days - they aren't exciting either. Well, I guess boring is better than bad, huh? As soon as something remotely interesting happens, I'll let you know.

Gotta Tell Ya

That song "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak just makes me want to take all my clothes off and dance around my office. That's probably not a good idea, though.

The Future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Well, not really, but it has been unusually warm here in ol' Sultan. Apparently, it was 90 degrees on Easter! Wow! We don't usually get above 70 in April. Took some more pics. Extreme silliness here. I broke out the shades and snapped a shot of the view from my driveway. I don't feel like working today, so I'm playing with my blog. I'm going to get so fired someday.





OK, just SHUT UP about the BAD makeup job on my forehead. Leave me alone.

It's Monday, AGAIN.

Well, after a whirlwind week, Monday is rearing its ugly head at me. Hopefully, with only working two shifts at the restaurant this week, I will be able to relax a bit. I also need to get back to the gym and clean up my eating. We did eggs benedict (surprise!) and mimosas for Easter brunch, thanks Yogagirl for the idea! I cooked a ham on Saturday afternoon with scalloped potatoes, asparagus and this really good Italian bread from Costco. I had French silk chocolate pie and Easter candy afterward. I ate an entire plate of tortellini in a tomato cream sauce Saturday night. Can you say HOLY CRAP? I ate like a hell-cow! (Thanks, Skwigg, for coining that term.) Oh, and let's not forget all the Oreos I ate on Friday, yikes. I am feeling a little bloated this morning, but I do have 3 dozen brightly colored hard-boiled eggs to consume. I figure if I take the yokes out of every other one, I'll be set for healthy snacks for a while.

I made my stepson watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake this weekend. (I make everyone watch it.) I know it is not what you would call a good "Easter" movie, but oh well. He liked it, but he did say "Oh, SICK!" a lot. Hee-hee.

The weather was fabulous this weekend, I did a little picture-taking. Here is my cherry tree blooming in my front yard. Can you find the bee?

Recovering

I finally got some sleep last night. It was only 6 hours, but that is 6 hours more than I got the night before. I look like death warmed-over. When my alarm went off this morning, the dogs didn't even move. (If mama doesn't sleep, dogs don't sleep.) When I got up to pee, Louie lifted his head up (with all of his fur mashed on one side of his head, so cute) and looked at me like, "Have fun at work, I'm going back to sleep." and *thud* down went the little fuzzy head. I took a shower and came into the bedroom to get dressed where the dogs were STILL on the bed. At that point I made them get up and go potty.

The restaurant nightmare is still looming, but last night was fairly mellow. I guess I'm just going to wait and see what happens. I'm in no mood to look for another job, and you never know, it might turn out OK. I am probably going to cut my shifts down from four a week, to two a week. It is possible that will make me more gooder.

Oh, gotta go, time to take a Vivarin.

Not doing so good.

Last week sucked. Job security is over with my second job. I am a little stress ball right now because I depend on my second income. Needless to say, I'm not eating well, either. In fact, I'm hardly eating at all. This is NOT good. I'm going to royally screw up my metabolism if I'm not careful.

I called in mentally ill today from my office job. Crazydogmama is having panic attacks. My day job is not secure either, money is tight there and I'm worried about layoffs.

OK, enough of the drama, I'm putting up some puppy pictures of Louie just for fun. Let's all wish Yogagirl happy puppy shopping!