Christmastime and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

This is the first time I have decorated for Christmas since 2006. It was done for me in 2007 when my dad passed, I just went through the motions in 2008 and then my life fell apart further as you long time readers know, and I just sort of "skipped over" Christmas as best I could. Not this year! I spent all of Saturday decorating, drinking spiked eggnog and listening to Christmas music with my two moms and all the puppies. Magadog, Molly and Cath's dog Saydee. Good times. My mom carried on our tradition of getting a new ornament each year, and she got this really pretty Mickey ornament from Disneyland for us. You would all be proud of me, I LET OTHER PEOPLE HANG ORNAMENTS ON THE TREE. This was a big step for me, I guess all the therapy has paid off.

Late last night as the wind was kicking up and it was cold out, I curled up with Magadog and my new book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". Everyone I know has raved about it, so with the movie coming out on the 21st, I thought I would get it read.

Eggnog Lattes and Chocolate Whoopie Pies

These will be the end of me. Any and all healthy living progress has been squashed into oblivion for the moment, and I blame Starbucks. Maybe I should just open up my own coffee shop and call it CrazyDogMama's? This would solve so many problems, except of course my weight problem. But still.

Turkey Day Success!

I was the sole chef for this year's Thanksgiving, and for a record number of people, SEVEN. Bill (my stepson), Robby (Bill's best friend), Erica (Bill's girlfriend), Mom #1, Mom # 2, Mom # 2's son's girlfriend Lisa and myself. The most I had ever cooked for previously was six, and that was with help. I did it! We had crab/artichoke dip with baguette, and salami, cheese, and crackers for appetizers (and champagne). I got Java Chip Haagen Dazs ice cream for those who don't like pie (me). I had to cook the turkey the day before, because we did turkey AND ham because Erica hates turkey, and there was no way to cook that much stuff in one small oven in one day. I also prepped most of the side dishes on Wednesday so I wouldn't have a full-on panic attack on Thursday. I also cleaned and did last minute shopping and hurt my back. AGAIN. (Thank God for muscle relaxers and wine.)

Kids drove down Wednesday night and we all chatted while I chopped. Thursday was a fun-filled day of food, drink and laughter. Our new tradition for "Black Friday" is Disneyland, starting last year and continuing this year, however I completely pooped out at 4 pm and went home and took a nap, then went back at 9 to pick up the kids. I'm old! But instead of going home, they made me go see Paranormal Activity 3 again because it was essential that we see it together. OK. Fine.

Saturday the kids helped me put up the Christmas Tree and then I kicked them out so I could sleep for the next 30 hours. Which I did.

Yes, I am FINALLY posting!

Best Birthday EVER! My very best friend on the planet (Jenny) from Seattle, flew down last Friday night. My two moms and I picked her up at Long Beach airport and since it was almost 10 pm, we decided we needed pie and coffee to keep us awake! After we got home, the appletini's put us to sleep.

Saturday, on my actual b-day, we spent a few hours down at Laguna beach goofing off, eating and buying a bunch of stuff we didn't need. Funny story. We had decided to get a coffee and share a chocolate croissant, then walked over to some benches that overlooked the ocean. A bunch of birds flew down around us and I (stupidly) picked a small piece of my croissant off and fed a pigeon. Then, suddenly, a HUGE seagull swooped down and grabbed MY ENTIRE HALF CROISSANT RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND. I was all WTF just happened? Jenny was rolling.

That night we went to BJ's Brewery for dinner (I had a Maui glazed pork chop) and went back the house for ice cream cake and lemon drop martini's. What? They totally go together!

Sunday it was Disneyland time. We went from acting 40 to acting 4. OMG, so much fun. Lasted almost 12 hours. We got soaked on Splash Mt. and the Grizzly River Run. Jenny got it the worst.

Monday, we slept in, I made eggs benedict (of course) which we ate outside on the patio and just hung out. I had to take her to the airport at noon, so the rest of the day sucked after that and now we are all pouty. The end. Absolutely nuts at work. I want Jenny back.

My New Favorite Word

I had an email conversation going with a co-worker in NJ today, and he used the word "assholular" in a sentence. I rolled.  I love new words.

Playing Catch Up

Holy cow. Busy. In the middle of selling the WA house (finally!), work is crazy, had a coworker friend from Seattle come stay with me last weekend, fun! Lots of wine! Next weekend I turn the big 4-0, and my very best friend in the whole wide world is coming to visit for 4 days! I can't wait. All this girl-time has been really good for me!

I also got a new bed. It is a Serta i-Comfort, which is similar to a Tempur-Pedic, but made with gel inside the memory form instead so you don't experience the hot/cold fluctuations. LOVE.IT. Worth all those pennies, and there were a LOT of pennies. I can finally sleep through the night.

I'm sure I will have tons of pics to share from all my adventures of late, but I haven't had time to download them. The kids are coming for Thanksgiving again, and I'm cooking this year! AAAAHHHH! And Christmas is coming, and holy crap there is never enough time for anything!

Never Argue with a Woman

One afternoon, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says:

"Good Afternoon, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book", she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area", he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault." says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you", says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment, and for all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

MORAL:

Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Acupuncture WORKS!

My back has noticeable improvement already, after only ONE session! It was a strange experience, but the girl said my body was reacting strongly. (I was dizzy briefly, my teeth chattered yet I wasn't cold, and I broke out in a cold sweat.) But afterwards, I had minimal back pain and my blood sugar had dropped about 30 points, which is good since I'm a borderline diabetic.

 
I bought 4 sessions, so I'm thinking good things will emerge! In between sessions, I was given Chinese herbs and ear "points", these little seed-like things (3 on each ear) that I massage 3 times daily for nerve stimulation to a certain part of the body. This is some weird shizzle, but I have to say I feel better!

Giada is my hero!

What do you do in your spare time?  I watch Giada on the Food Network. Everything I have EVER made from her cookbooks always turns out AWESOME. WAY yummy stuff! One of my favorites is her Veal Marsala, OMG. But there are so many things I still need to make & try. She made these biscuits on the episode I watched last weekend, and DAMN, just watching her make my mouth water and my tummy growl. Must. Make. Now. Biscuits go with everything, and I can't think about anything else. I'm trying to decide what kind of jam to put on them, and whether or not I should make eggs, too?

Pancetta Biscuits by Giada De Laurentiis

Biscuits:

• 1/4 pound pancetta, diced
• 1 (8-ounce) box store bought biscuit mix
• Buttermilk (in place of the liquid in the boxed biscuit mix recipe)
• 1/4 cup shredded Fontina

Cinnamon-sugar butter:

• 1/2 vanilla bean
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 1 stick butter, at room temperature

Directions:

To make the biscuits: In a sauté pan, heat the pancetta over medium-high heat and cook until crisp, about 5 minutes.

In a large bowl, make the biscuits according to the box instructions, using buttermilk instead of the suggested liquid. Gently stir in the pancetta and the cheese.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spoon the biscuit mixture onto the baking sheet and bake according to box instructions. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

To make the cinnamon-sugar butter: Cut open the vanilla bean lengthwise. Using the back of a knife, scrape along the inside of the vanilla bean to collect the seeds. Scrape vanilla bean seeds into a small bowl. Add sugar and cinnamon and stir to combine. Stir in the butter until well blended. Transfer to a serving bowl.

Serve the biscuits on a platter with the cinnamon-sugar butter alongside.

What do you get...

...when you cross a cranky CrazyDogMama with a jerk? A jerk with a limp.

It's almost getting funny.

I am such a mess; I have now hurt my back. I was playing on the floor with Maggie, and I tweaked something. Ever since, I can barely walk. I have to hold on to furniture and walls to get anywhere. I'm sitting here at work with a hot pack and my feet up looking retarded. I'm afraid I'm going to fall down and not be able to get up. I am so sick of doctors I could scream! What am I gonna do with myself?

Smoking, Church and Acupuncture

I have a pack and a half left of my Marlboro's, then I'm done. It's time. Blah. Not good for my anxiety, but I have to keep moving forward. And I'm gonna watch my language. I know, don't fall over.

I think I may have found a church that won't irritate me. I'm going to try it out. You see, I don't think most mainstream Christians would know God if he was sitting next them. I want REAL. Not warm and fuzzy, not tolerant of everything God hates, not picking and choosing what suits them out of the Bible. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. Do it, or don't. I have problems. So does everyone. But I know the Lord, and I have fallen by the wayside. I need to get up. I have no need to justify any of my behavior, I just need to change it. Period.

I am starting acupuncture for some of my ailments. I was never a big believer in Chinese medicine before, but I've researched it, and I'm starting to think there is something to it. My doctor recommended it. We'll see. Can't hurt to try. I'll let you know.

Almost in the Crossfire

I was going to lunch and had just parked. Suddenly, I saw the SWAT TEAM swarming around me! I was quickly escorted out of the shopping complex. When I got back to work, I went online and found out that some guy came and shot NINE PEOPLE at a salon!  It was just on the other side of the building I was parked at, although I didn't hear anything because I had the radio on, and the windows rolled up with the air conditioning on.  SCARY and very, very sad. I think all the people died. Pretty glad I didn't get in the middle of that. YIKES.

Habib is trying to kill me.

So my Gastrologist, Habib, who is the most adorable little man EVER who speaks with a stutter (you just want to hug him), made a most upsetting request yesterday. The results of my endoscopy revealed that I only have mild acid reflux disease, so the diagnosis for the severe symptoms I have are a combination of the acid reflux and a massive anxiety disorder. In order to lessen my troubles, Habib suggested I cut out Chocolate, Coffee, Alcohol and Smoking.

I stared at him and blinked.

Then I said, "So, let me get this straight, you are asking a WOMAN with a massive anxiety disorder, to cut out CHOCOLATE, COFFEE, ALCOHOL and SMOKING? Are you HIGH??"

He laughed very loud. I did not. Then he said, "OK, maybe just cut back."

I don't think he realizes that those are the things that keep me alive.

Time to Read

I've missed reading. Over the last few years, it has been difficult for me to read. I've read a few books here and there, but I can't seem to concentrate on anything for very long when I'm tired and home from work.  Today I spent time with my two moms, and we had a great conversation about all the different books we've read and all of a sudden, I'm all jazzed up.  So, I went up to my bookshelf and brought one down.  "Subterranean" by James Rollins is what I chose. I will let you know what I think! I'm going to go take my nightly swim and then curl up in front of the fireplace with Mags. Yup, my Saturday night. Sad, huh?

Life in 5 Short Chapters

Here I am again, struggling to make sense of things. Digging for the root of the problem. Trying to live in the now. I've had to make some tough decisions lately and it is hard to do that alone. No matter where you go, you have to take yourself with you. Do you ever get sick of yourself? Sometimes I feel like Tom Hanks' character did in "Cast Away". If I start talking to a ball, though, intervene, OK?

My therapist left me with this poem today. I fluctuate between Chapters 2 and 3.

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost, I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in, it's a habit, but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

-Portia Nelson

Mermaid or Whale?

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

By: Delphine Fieberg

You know you are feeling better when...

...you are dancing around the house in your underwear at 3 am singing along to "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA, sporting vampire fangs. Yup.

I need a vacation from my own head.

For the quick update, I am going to cut and paste what I wrote on Facebook because I am too lazy to rewrite it.

Monday's procedure went well, but after I woke up, I suffered from a migraine so bad I wanted to slit my own wrists. Then, the next day I came down with a severe respiratory infection that has had me bedridden most of the week. It sounds like I swallowed a chainsaw. I am going back to work tomorrow because I can't spend one more minute at home inside my own head. I thought about a lot of stuff, and that's really dangerous.

Now here is the part I don't put on Facebook where people who actually know me go. I like the anonymity of my blog sometimes. I think only two or three people in my real life actually come here, and I'm not even sure about that anymore.

I came close to rescuing a really cute puppy, but my mom made the point I'm not home enough. (Although I have been lately). It's true, I like dogs better than people, I'm going to end up the old dog lady, I'm telling you. I can't believe how much I still miss Lou. You don't get over it. People are generally mean, disrespectful and untrustworthy. Dogs, well, aren't. They actually seem to give a shit. Yeah, they pee on the floor and bark at paper, but they don't mess with you. Maggie didn't leave my side this week while I laid in bed dying and crying. She is laying at my feet right now.

I have that confused, dazed thing going on again. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. It's kind of chronic. Oh, and it sucks too. I'm hopeless. Utterly fucking hopeless. I'm sick of the positive shit right now so you're going to have to deal with that.

A New Era?

I know I haven't been blogging daily like you are all used to, so I'm sorry for that. I'm working things out in my head right now and changing some things in my life. Again. I'm shifting my priorities. It has become apparent to me that I walk my own road. I'm not sure of the reasons why, but that is how it is.

I am still involved with John to a point, but our time together is sparse, and I don't know what the future holds for us, if there is a future. I care for him very much, but like I said, I'm walking a strangely narrow road right now. I have been asked out by some other men recently, but I have turned them all down.

I go in for an upper GI endoscopy on Monday. It turns out I do not have Gastroparesis, but something is wrong, so they need to do some searching. Not fun. I'm not supposed to take any ibuprofen or aspirin for 4 days before the procedure, and of course I have a pounding headache today. Joy.

I'm hoping for a quiet weekend.

Cairn Terrors

I finally, at last, found someone who totally understands what it is like to own a Cairn Terrier.

Cairn Terrier Index Page (ddgnevada.com)

If after perusing all these Cairn Terrier related issues and you still think you might be right for a Cairn, I would obtain one final opinion from a disinterested third party, otherwise known as a 'Sanity Check'.

Even if you do not own a Cairn, you will enjoy Dan's stories. They are really, REALLY funny, and SO true. One minute you can't imagine loving a dog more, and the next minute you want to kill them. Total obnoxious brats. Anyway, trust me on this one and read if you are any kind of a dog lover at all.

Stuff and Things

1.  I did not get laid off, but many did and the workload is going to be INSANE.

2.  The doctor thinks I may have "Gastroparesis" which is why I get "sick" so often. Neat. I see a specialist next week.

3.  I was recommended to do a 3-day juice cleanse to detox my system.

4.  I am very frustrated with John, and I don't know what to do. Don't have time to worry about it.

5.  I kept seeing a white line appear and disappear on my ceiling that drove me nuts. Couldn't figure out where it was coming from or what it was, and one night stood on top of my bed and yelled at it. Don't tell anyone, they will lock me up and throw away the key.

That is all for now.

Great Quotes

“Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow.”

-Norman Vincent Peale

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”

-Muhammad Ali

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

-Abraham Lincoln

If you’re going through Hell, keep going.

-Winston Churchill

“Any guy can love a thousand girls, but only a rare guy can love one girl in a thousand ways.”

-Anonymous

Kids, Disneyland Meetups and My Exhausted Ass

VERY busy weekend, OMG. The kids (I have 3 now you know, Bill, Erica and Robby, who call me "Mama Cheryl".) came over Friday night, Sat, and Sun. I took them to see Apollo 18, they ate me out of house and home (bottomless pits!) and we swam and watched horror movies. Really good to see them, but poor grandma followed after us cleaning most of the time. LOL. She says they like coming to see me because I am "one of them".

Today I had my second "meetup" at Disneyland. The people are great. This meetup thing was at the advice of my new therapist, she wants me getting out and making friends instead of stressing and hanging out in my own head. We met for lunch at the Blue Bayou, then did all our favorite rides. I am getting *really* spoiled with my new friends, I don't have to wait in ANY lines! Someone always has either a VIP Card or a Guest Assistance Pass (for handicaps/illnesses) which gets us right to the front of the line every time. I don't think I can go back to being a normal visitor!!

I am beat.  I have to go back to work to relax!

Me and John

OK so its hard to take cell phone pics when you're drinking. Sue me.

DMV Hell

Did I tell you about the whole mess I had with the California DMV? Where I had to go back, like, 8 times and wait 3 hours because each time some stupid little thing was wrong. Like, for instance my birth certificate says one thing and my old driver's license said another thing and I may have burned my marriage license and my divorce paperwork said I was going back to my maiden name, and so on and so forth. So, then once they MADE me change back to my maiden name and gave me my license, they spelled my name wrong, and I had to go through the WHOLE FUCKING PROCESS AGAIN. It took me 20 minutes to explain to the English-is-my-second-fucking-language government worker that they spelled it CHERLY instead of CHERYL. He did not see the problem. It was like talking to someone who had just smoked an entire joint. THEN, I had to go and RE-DO and re-pay-for my registration to be done in my maiden name because dumb me got that done first before they had a cow that I couldn't prove I had been married.

So, now that I have to change 60 million things into my new name with less than zero time to do it, I figured I would go next to the Social Security office. Fuckers. I had a 5-minute wait, ALL my paperwork, and GUESS WHAT? "I'm sorry, but you need either the original or a certified copy of your divorce paperwork." FUUUUUUCK! The original got lost somehow in the move to California that I had a whole 3 weeks to do, and everything was chaos. So, I had to call my lawyer who has to call the court and now I will have to wait another 3 weeks. And then I will owe my lawyer more money, and they charge like, 50 dollars a minute.

Everything in my life is this way. I will tell you what. I'm keeping this name. If I ever get remarried, (stop laughing), I hope he is an understanding guy because I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!

When someone drives you batshit crazy, does it mean you're in love?

Or should you run like hell?

Holy crap on a cracker. He takes about 8 hours to answer a text. Literally. Sometimes I won't hear from him for like, 2 weeks, and then he seems confused that I am irked. He has a smile that makes me forget my name. He can talk about a subject for 45 minutes non-stop (just him talking) and then, without warning, change the subject to something completely irrelevant and random. For example: Last night we were driving, and he was telling me about his take on the presidential candidates. It was intense, then all of a sudden, we pass a street called "Kitts" and he says, "How do streets get named, anyway?  Who came up with Kitts? Is that someone's name? I want to name a street. How do I do that?" He looks over at me inquisitively, like I have the answer to this. I just blink at him and say, "What?" He is completely serious and waits for me to answer him.  He does this all the time.

Then there is the whole I'm usually right yet he never listens thing.

Phone call:
John: I'm leaving now.
Me:  OK, meet you in about 45 minutes.
John: No, it should only be about 30 minutes.
Me: Oh? Usually, it takes you 45 minutes or so.
John: Not this time of night.
Me: K. (rolling my eyes)

47 minutes later he arrives.

Driving and lost:
John: Uh, I think I did that wrong.
Me: Uh, yep.
John: Isn't 2nd street up to the left?
Me: No, I think you make a right up here, then a left.
John: No, I think it's left first.
Me: I don't think so, the ocean is over there, so it has to be right to get back out on the main highway.
He makes a left.
John: Crap!
Me: (giggling) I told you.
John: Yes, OK, you were right. You are right about lots of things.
Me: Yes, I know. You hate that don't you?
John: No. Yes.

But then at the end of the night (well, usually around 4 am or so) we will be sitting in his car, and he will lay his head on my chest and hold on to me like a lost little boy while I run my fingernails through his hair, and everything that seemed wrong in the world will suddenly seem right and I will feel more peaceful then I've ever felt in my life.

What am I going to DO with him?

We are both emotionally unavailable, yet I think he needs me as much as I need him. We are both commitment-phobes at this point in our lives, yet we keep seeing other. 5 months now? He will completely tick me off, but I will keep it to myself, then he will ironically and spontaneously say something so incredibly sweet it almost doesn't seem real and I have to stop being mad at him. His kisses are so sweet and good it almost pisses me off.

What the hell?

Overwhelmed

I've been feeling a little bit overwhelmed lately. Work is busier than it has ever been, and with the looming layoffs everyone is stressed to the hilt. If I stay, but lose one of my guys, it will be back to 60-to-70-hour weeks for me, and I just don't know how much longer I can run at this pace. I'm tired. I really want a personal life, but I don't see how that will be possible. Yeah, they pay me a lot of money, but is it worth it?  As it is right now, my laundry is piling up, my bathroom needs to be cleaned, my car needs to be washed, I need an oil and lube, I need to return some items to a store, blah, blah, blah. Just thinking about all of it makes me want to take a nap. My back and shoulders hurt from the muscle tension and I'm getting a headache. I hardly ever get to see John which sucks. His long-time business (mortgage broker) is as you can imagine, not doing well in this economy and he is all kinds of stressed out too. Plus, he lives all the way up in LA. Bah! But we are going out tomorrow night and I just want to lay in his arms and forget all this crap.

Where there is a will.

So, I have this Disneyland annual pass, but no one I know has one, and it is quite difficult to get people to spend 100+ bucks a trip more than once or twice a year. SOOOO, someone turned me on to "meetup.com". Fabulous! I just joined two groups for annual passholders; people just like me who want to make friends with other passholders and spend more time at the parks! I go on my first meetup on Monday. I got the day off from work!

FIZGIG!!

So, I was channel surfing last night and ran across the movie "The Dark Crystal". It is kind of a disturbing Muppet movie that is so weird it is AWESOME. My favorite character is Fizgig, the little dog-like pet or something. He ROLLS, that's how he gets around. He is a big fuzzy ball that rolls and growls and throws tantrums. When I throw a fit, thit is exactly what I look like. I have two forms of expression, completely intense, and completely silly. Just so you know.

Lasciare Andare!

Translation: "Let Go" or "Allow to go". These are my "words". In Italian. Because I love everything Italian. So, I watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" and despite the bad reviews, I enjoyed it. There was this thing in the movie where everyone needs to choose their "word" or "words" and I thought it was profound, so I thought about and chose mine. In order to be free, you need to "let go" or allow all the things paralyzing you in the present go by the wayside. It is an ongoing practice for me, so Lasciare Andare!

Speaking of Italian, if I get to keep my job (and even if I don't), I have begun to save for a trip to Italy. This time next year, if life allows, I will be blissfully partaking of an experience I have wanted all my life.

Weirdness

I got into my car this morning to drive to work. (Yes I still have a job.) I rolled the window down partly. A spider crawled in and onto my hand. I looked down and saw the spider and just stared at it walking around on my skin. I did not let out a blood curdling scream, I did not smash my hand into the dashboard or fly out of the car jumping up and down, all things that would normally occur given the circumstance. I did NOTHING. No fear, no reaction, nothing.

HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN WHAT IS HAPPENING???

I have arachnophobia. Bad. Usually. I have hurt myself on a number of occasions trying to get away from spiders that are smaller than lady bugs. What happened today totally, completely and utterly shocks me. It cannot be explained. Something is going on with me.

Monkeys Say, Monkey Do

They are doing big layoffs at my company, so we are hiring our own replacements.

Regret

I would rather regret the things I've done than the things I haven't done.

Dating is Weird

 O.M.G., I found this blog today LOVE IT! http://datingisweird.blogspot.com/

One particular post sent me into hysterics, especially this post:

Dating Is Weird: An Open Letter to the Love/Hate Boyfriend

Horse Racing and Other Random Things

So, I went to Los Alamitos Racetrack last Saturday night, and it was really super fun! The horses are so beautiful, and I kept winning!  Woo! Then I lost.  LOL. Also, I BBQ'd carne asada, took a pic of Mags doing her platypus stance, and had my nails done black and tan. How is that for random? I know my last post was rather cryptic, I didn't mean it to be. I received a letter that was written in a way that really made me really think about some things in my life. In particular, it made me reflect on my recent status with John. Although I really like him, I may be letting him get away with behavior I shouldn't.

Am I Crazy?

I'm not so sure about this recent boyfriend thing. It's not fear, it's something else. I read something tonight from someone I can't disclose that made me really stop and think. It was the most incredibly written letter, written in a way I cannot even describe. It was beautiful but so different. Intelligent yet hilarious. It ignited something in me that I thought was burnt out forever. Hmmm. Crazy. I wish I could share, you would see what I was talking about.

What's on your bucket list?

I have had a "bucket list" since I was about 15, way before the movie came out. Over the past couple of years, I have been able to cross a few things off like "Go to NY", "Own a pool", "Reach a [specific] salary goal", etc. Whenever I cross something off, I add something new. Today I added "Go to Italy", "Fly a helicopter" and "Drive a race car". The pic is me jumping out of an airplane (hanging from the strut) which was the very first item I got to cross off my list way back when. Tell me something on your bucket list, and if you don't have one, make one now!

Life in Cali is Rough

Moving here to start my life over was the best decision I have EVER made. Things are going so well in every area of my life that it is starting to make me nervous!

So, Johnny said he is going to take me to Vegas. My second mom is actually there right now visiting her son and she has been telling me about her adventures on the New York New York rollercoaster, kayaking, zip-lining, etc. It sounds so fun! It was funny when I had the "Where have you been around here?" conversation with John.

John: "You've NEVER been to Vegas?!?"
Me: "Nope."
John: "OMG"
John: "Palm Springs?"
Me: "Nope."
John: "Santa Barbara?"
Me: "Nope."
John: "Please tell me you've been to San Diego."
Me: "Not since I was a little girl."
John: (with his hands on his head) "Holy crap, woman! We have some traveling to do here!"
Me: "Yes we do!"

Cheers!

The Captain

I splurged and bought a box (OK, two boxes) of the best cereal that ever existed. Captain Crunch! I loved it as a kid, and I still love it! No other cereal even comes close to being as awesome as Captain Crunch. Even the name is awesome. Crunch Berries! And you know what? It isn't as many calories or as high in sugar as I thought it was! Justification! Wheee! I remember my mouth hurting after eating so much of it as a kid. I'm much tougher now. I also just discovered the best restaurant. Oh. My. God. I had the Filet Oscar and it literally melted in my mouth. It was a culinary orgasm. It has been a really good week.

Off the Market?

John kept me out until 3 am. On a work night. I kept telling him, "I gotta go, I gotta go!" and he kept saying "10 more minutes". Yeah, he is hard to resist. The status of our relationship was confirmed last night when I asked him to "define" what he meant by saying I was "his girl". He declared that it meant he had no desire to see or be with anyone else but me, and that he would be a "fucking idiot" to let me get away. That statement coupled with his earlier statement of how I am "such a good woman" and he did not believe a good woman existed in Los Angeles, and, well, how do you say no to that? And he is such a good kisser. LOL! So yeah, he wins. He is totally cool with my guy friends; in fact he said, "Be friends with who you want, flirt with who you want, I just want to be the guy you're with at the end of the night."

So, there you go, I'm taken. Off the market.

I'm on my 6th cup of coffee. It's not working.

A Mom Story

A mom story for you. So it wasn't until my father passed away in late 2007 that my mother was willing to get a cell phone like a normal person. It took her awhile to warm up to it, but I can even get her to text occasionally now. I still can't get her to buy a smart phone with a qwerty keyboard or internet access, but at least she's workin' what she's got. What is funny is that she used to make fun of me who won't even go to the bathroom without my phone, and now SHE is THAT attached to hers! Last night I am watching TV and she comes downstairs from being on the computer. She walks into the kitchen, and I hear her start to giggle. I look up to investigate and she is holding my wireless mouse in her hand. She thought it was her phone.

Not much else going on except I'm hanging out with John tonight. He just texted me saying "See you tonight Honey". Honey. We've been seeing each other for a while now, but I'm still not used to that. I'm a walking issue.

Crazydogmama's Favorites

I’m always getting asked about my favorite this and my favorite that, so without further ado, here is a random list of all my recent fav’s! I am picky about everything, but when I find something I like, look out!

FOOD AND BEVERAGE

Crow’s Cocktails – Long Beach, CA
John introduced me to this dive bar on our second date. We LOVE it and usually at least stop by every time we go out! The perfect mix of interesting people, the music is not too soft/not too loud, the bartenders are VERY entertaining and attentive, they pour good drinks, and if you need a cigarette, you go just outside the front door and you will meet some real characters. If you can get a seat at the bar, you will be in people-watching heaven; as this place is standing room only by 10 pm. John and I like to try and guess what’s going on with the people we see, like, “WOW, desperate housewife” or “He is going to break up with her tonight, look at their body language!” Also, it's a great place to make out.

Tantalum – Long Beach, CA
This place is AMAZING. The décor, atmosphere, view, food, everything! I was so impressed. Best calamari I’ve ever tasted, and OMG, they have a “Meat Lover's Bloody Mary" which is a combo of tomato nectar, beef jus, Absolut Peppar, beef jerky, bacon & blue cheese olives”. My coworkers introduced me to this one.

5 Guys Burgers and Fries – Huntington Beach, CA
YUMMY! Cajun Fries! Raw Jalapeños! James took me here on Saturday, then I told my mother about it and we went on Sunday. Not good for the diet, but good for the soul!!

STUFF

Brighton Collectibles – Irvine, CA
Some really cool and unique accessories! (Jewelry, purses, wallets, etc.) Pricey, but good stuff. I want the heart necklace and the silver ballet flats!

Smashbox Cosmetics – Online or Sephora
I have tried every type of makeup you can think of, and Smashbox ROCKS all of them! My favs include: Full Exposure Mascara, Halo Hydrating Perfecting Powder, Limitless Eyeliner and the Nude Lip Pencil.

Bliss Hand Cream - Sephora
It smells good and it works! ‘Nuff said!

Jessica Simpson Shoes – Online or at DSW
Don’t cringe. These are some seriously cute and comfy shoes!

ACTIVITIES

LA Boxing – Lake Forest, CA
Great people, great workout, great fun! For those of us who would rather stick bamboo up our fingernails than walk on treadmill.

Lobster

Not the kind you eat! I spent all day at Huntington Beach yesterday with my friend James and holy hell, my face and chest are blistered, and there is a small section of my tummy that is beat red. I look completely retarded. The pain! I don't want to take a picture of myself because I'm afraid the flash will hurt! It's also very itchy. Stupidity.

The Bowlers

I took the kids bowling. Bill bought an old bowling pin, and we all signed it to commemorate the day. Good times. Erica and I went to get a mani/pedi for girl-bonding time. :-) Surviving 3 kids (young adults) for a long weekend is like surviving the apocalypse. LOL.

Hangin' out by the pool.

So far, the weekend has been great fun! Perfect weather, good food and relaxation. The kids had fun goofing off in the pool, my friend James came and hung out, and my two moms told me that if I put their picture on the internet, it would be "my last conscious act". LOL!

Big Changes!

The first couple of photos are the old kitchen and family room, with popcorn ceilings, an olive-green tile countertop, a hanging wicker light, grass wallpaper, wood paneling, dirty carpeting, an ancient television, furniture that has seen better days, gold picture frames, plastic panel lighting over the kitchen, and appliances from the 60's and 70's.

In the rest of the photos, you'll see a much-needed remodel with a new leather couch, an electric fireplace, a big HD Smart TV, new paint, crown molding, recess lighting, laminate flooring, black granite countertops, and a new sink/gas stove/dishwasher/faucet. It turned out beautiful!

Stress Less, Weigh Less

I've been focusing more on peacefulness and happiness rather than just straight weight loss. Honestly, I think it is half the battle. Holly Mosier agrees with me. I picked up this book at Costco, but I've actually met her. She owns the boxing gym I go to here in LA.  A very gorgeous 49-year-old woman.

Yes, eating right and working out hard is necessary too, but if you are all stressed out and unhappy, you get nowhere. TRUST ME. When I first moved here, my cortisol levels were through the roof!  It has taken me a year to fix my thinking and chill out, and a bunch of weight fell off. Not all of it, but a good start.  When you are happy, people gravitate to you, too. I just talked to John who is all stressed at the moment and the first thing he said was he wished he was here with me because he doesn't feel stressed when he is around me. I think it was our third date when he hugged me, laid his head on me and said, "I just wanna BE with you."  It made me feel so good. Probably why I like him so much.

Anyway, it is a process, and it doesn't come naturally, but it does work if you keep trying. I played with a Cairn Terrier puppy yesterday. My mom thought it would wig me out and make me start crying, but it didn't. Puppies are good for the soul! Then I went to see "Super 8". Fun flick! I took some pics of the new kitchen and family room. I will post them later.

3 Men and a Crazydogmama

OK, it's kinda 4 men now, but then the title wouldn't be so brilliant. An explanation? No, I'm not a Ho. Well, I guess if I slept around I would be, but I don't. So there!

John is great. I am incredibly attracted to him. He is totally sweet and fun. One problem. He is kinda AWOL between dates. Not much communication. I don't know what he is up to and I don't ask, but my intuition tells me he is a bit of a playboy. I could be wrong, but I haven't been yet so I listen to myself. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for now because he is, well, a GUY, and he has had car trouble lately (apparently), but the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing was never truly discussed soberly so I'm not closing down my inbox just yet. and WOW. As soon as you start dating someone you are really into, the pheromones start pumping out through the top of your head, and all the dogs come running to sniff, I tell ya!

Joe is back in my life (kinda). James won't give up. And, Mike, he be the new guy. My mom said, "Are you in some kind of love triangle?" to which I replied "Uh, no, it would be a love pentagon."

Never in ALL my life did I EVER think any kind of scenario even REMOTELY close to this was possible for me! Wheeeeeeee! :-)

Thank GOD I live with my mother.

I know there are women out there balancing a career, children, a household and a social life, and quite frankly I don't know how you do it! I am only balancing a career, a social/dating life and occasionally I do stuff around the house like a load of laundry. I am busy ALL THE TIME and there is no way in HELL I could do it alone. I don't know how I did it when I was married. Well, I didn't, really, that was all an epic failure as you can read about the archives.

Mom, thank you for all you do! She does the grocery shopping, most of the cleaning, the watering, and is managing the house remodel and takes care of the dogs. She is also my receptionist, counselor and event coordinator. I am not embarrassed to admit any of this, because it is just the plain truth.

My mother is an amazing woman and I love her so much! Go mom!

Yes ma, I'll clean my room. :-)

Out with my peeps.

Mailbag

I thought I would take the time today to share some of my responses to emails of late.

Question: "Wow! You get a lot of dates! What is your secret to attracting so many men? I am recently divorced also, and I think I'm pretty, but I hardly ever get asked out."

Answer: "Hi, thanks for emailing!" I have to admit, this question shocked me! I see my love life and experiences with men as a disaster from the word go, and to think that someone feels I have a "secret" when it comes to men is such a compliment, so thank you! I guess I would have to say this is what is working for me: Be happy with exactly who you are and exude that confidence. Have a busy life full of things YOU want to do, don't wait around and pine for men. Have no expectations, enjoy each moment for what it is; not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Smile A LOT and have fun *consistently*, men hate moody women. Don't be a man-hater. Men are great! They are a lot of fun and they have emotions and feelings just like women. DO NOT ASK MEN OUT, AND DO NOT CALL THEM, EMAIL THEM OR TEXT THEM UNLESS IN RESPONSE. LET THEM PURSUE YOU. (This is a really important one that I learned the hard way.) Look the best you can each day but do it for yourself. I am not thin. I am not the prettiest girl out there. I don't have the most expensive clothes or jewelry, but I think I get asked out because I know who I am, am laid back and friendly, and I'm not desperate or needy. NO DRAMA! A nickel's worth of free advice: If you don't get called, or asked out again, it isn't rejection, it is simply that he didn't feel a "connection". It isn't his fault OR YOURS, it just wasn't meant to be. I hope this helps!! Good luck!"

Question: "I just read through quite a few of your blog posts and see that you have truly been thru a lot of crap! You have (are) handling it so well (it seems). How did you cope with so much so gracefully?"

Answer: "Hi, thank you so much for the nice compliment, and thanks for writing! Well, honestly, it hasn't all been so graceful on my part. I had some pretty major meltdowns, and some days it was an effort just to get up and breathe. I was in intensive therapy for about a year, and I had the BEST therapist EVER. He helped me so much. I tried to focus on the fact that no one is out to get me. I am not cursed. Life just happens. There is nothing wrong with me, and I'm not unlucky. I've made mistakes and so what, everyone does. I've learned from them. Life is too short to be angry or jaded or depressed because I truly believe all the people who have crossed my path blessed me in some way. I am the person I am today because of ALL the things in my life. I have no regrets. I honestly hope my ex is happy, I miss all my loved ones who have passed away, but I know they are no longer in pain, and they have left me with love and good memories. I have all the reasons in the world to be happy and hopeful about the future and I am continuing to better myself in some way on a daily basis.

Oh, you wanna know how the date went, dontcha?

I know you are all on pins and needles, well, because my life is just so damn interesting. Ha!

Well, we watched the sunset AND the sunrise. ;-) Yes, it was a very nice and romantic evening to which my heart fluttered every time he kissed me and touched my face. The beach was beautiful and quaint. I am enjoying every minute of this and not letting myself get wrapped up in any expectations. I don't spend time analyzing what his intentions with me are, and I'm not asking. There is no hurry; if it works out, it works out, if it doesn't, it doesn't, although I do really like him and have incredible chemistry with him. He is a very good looking, successful 46-year-old man who says all the right stuff, does all the right stuff, who has never been married and has no kids, so being certain that he is my knight in shining armor would be a little unrealistic and stupid on my part, I think. I am not even 100% certain of our status as a couple, and that's OK. He keeps calling me, he keeps asking me out, and apparently, he thinks of me as a "goddess".

As we were checking out the beach scene, a group of VERY attractive women walked by us.

Me: "WOW."
John: "Yeah, they're hot, but you're a goddess."
Me: (smiling) "A goddess? Uh huh, yeah."
John: "Don't kid yourself. I'm a guy, and trust me, you are incredibly sexy. That, along with intelligent, successful, fun and a total sweetheart."
Me: (Somewhat speechless) "Um, well, thanks. I've been called a lot of things; Goddess is a first."
John: "Well, you are."
Me: "OK, let's go with that."
John: (laughs)

So, although it sounds like I blog every detail of my life, that is not accurate, there is soooo much more. Lots of stuff going on in my life. Sorry, but some things are just mine to keep. ;-)

Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn!!!

John is still having car issues. Crap! I have to wait until Saturday now to see him, but at least we can spend all day together then. I am so impatient, though. Arg! It was cute when he called, he is impatient too. ;-) And he is too gentlemanly to ask me to do the driving. He kept telling me how much he missed me. I think he is going stir crazy without his vehicle. He has his own business and works at home, but he is stranded. I'm all dressed up, too. Bah! Figures.

In other news, I'm now planning a Vegas trip! Woohoo! I've never been there, so this should be fun! A friend of mine (Annie!) turns 40 at nearly the same time I do, so us and a big group of friends are thinking of celebrating in Vegas. Viva Las Vegas, baby!