Mailbag

I thought I would take the time today to share some of my responses to emails of late.

Question: "Wow! You get a lot of dates! What is your secret to attracting so many men? I am recently divorced also, and I think I'm pretty, but I hardly ever get asked out."

Answer: "Hi, thanks for emailing!" I have to admit, this question shocked me! I see my love life and experiences with men as a disaster from the word go, and to think that someone feels I have a "secret" when it comes to men is such a compliment, so thank you! I guess I would have to say this is what is working for me: Be happy with exactly who you are and exude that confidence. Have a busy life full of things YOU want to do, don't wait around and pine for men. Have no expectations, enjoy each moment for what it is; not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Smile A LOT and have fun *consistently*, men hate moody women. Don't be a man-hater. Men are great! They are a lot of fun and they have emotions and feelings just like women. DO NOT ASK MEN OUT, AND DO NOT CALL THEM, EMAIL THEM OR TEXT THEM UNLESS IN RESPONSE. LET THEM PURSUE YOU. (This is a really important one that I learned the hard way.) Look the best you can each day but do it for yourself. I am not thin. I am not the prettiest girl out there. I don't have the most expensive clothes or jewelry, but I think I get asked out because I know who I am, am laid back and friendly, and I'm not desperate or needy. NO DRAMA! A nickel's worth of free advice: If you don't get called, or asked out again, it isn't rejection, it is simply that he didn't feel a "connection". It isn't his fault OR YOURS, it just wasn't meant to be. I hope this helps!! Good luck!"

Question: "I just read through quite a few of your blog posts and see that you have truly been thru a lot of crap! You have (are) handling it so well (it seems). How did you cope with so much so gracefully?"

Answer: "Hi, thank you so much for the nice compliment, and thanks for writing! Well, honestly, it hasn't all been so graceful on my part. I had some pretty major meltdowns, and some days it was an effort just to get up and breathe. I was in intensive therapy for about a year, and I had the BEST therapist EVER. He helped me so much. I tried to focus on the fact that no one is out to get me. I am not cursed. Life just happens. There is nothing wrong with me, and I'm not unlucky. I've made mistakes and so what, everyone does. I've learned from them. Life is too short to be angry or jaded or depressed because I truly believe all the people who have crossed my path blessed me in some way. I am the person I am today because of ALL the things in my life. I have no regrets. I honestly hope my ex is happy, I miss all my loved ones who have passed away, but I know they are no longer in pain, and they have left me with love and good memories. I have all the reasons in the world to be happy and hopeful about the future and I am continuing to better myself in some way on a daily basis.