I made it.

Kickin' back with the pups waiting for the movers. I just spent so much time, energy and money getting here, only to have to start all over. UG. This place is gorgeous but does need a ton of work. It has the potential to be paradise, but I have to get my home sold to have money. Offloading two mortgages will be awesome. Apparently, my stress level has been so high for so long that my cortisol levels are abnormally high. My endocrinologist says I need more tests run and I have to stop stressing or it will kill me. I'm hoping my new situation will help that. I broke it off with the guy I was emailing from here that was going to take me to Disneyland because he was driving me batshit, so now I need to make some new friends, but I need to calm down first.

The feet are just for you, Jeffery! It was so great to meet you!

First dinner out as a Californian.

Spicy shrimp of course, here at "El Ranchito's" with mom having dinner and a tequila sunrise. Cool little place with a plant next to our table. Did some internet stuff at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf afterwards because my internet won't be installed until tomorrow. It's nice to sit and relax, it's been quite a ride.

The fun parts of moving.

OK I'm good now that I have the pool. What a trip. More details later. So, here are today's bloopers: The yard guy came, and Louie ran after him and took a corner too sharp, and PLOP! Right into the pool. You should have seen the look on the little guy's poor face! I went in after him. He's fine. Made me laugh. Also, my mom drove the SUV into the garage and didn't know the cargo bin on top wouldn't clear. OOPS. I laughed my ass off. She did not. We are like Cheech and Chong here; you would be amused.

I got a call.

I'm a little freaked and TOTALLY out of my comfort zone. My endocrinologist just called and it wasn't good news. So I guess you could say I am having a slight anxiety attack while driving down the San Diego freeway on my final stretch to my new home.

On the way!

Rough start but going smooth now. It's my turn to drive so I will finish this at a rest stop.

Off we go!

We're off a little late, but here we go! Off to the next chapter of my life! Dogs are ready for adventure! LOL. Mags has her doggie valium. Must get coffee and a bite. Bye Washington! Hello sunny California!

Bye-Bye Litttle House

I said goodbye to the house I worked my ass off for today. I had a lump in my throat as my mom and I drove away. It looks so lonely so empty. I remember the first day moving in over 10 years ago. BUT life goes on and I will be living in a beautiful home that will be remodeling fun. I am horribly exhausted and almost collapsed (literally) today from no sleep and hardly any food (it keeps coming up), but I made it. Barely. Moving out of state with hardly any help is very stressful and taxing.

Took the kid out to dinner with his girlfriend to say our goodbyes (pictured).

I leave tomorrow at 8 am. Meeting up with a friend in Portland for lunch (Jeffery @The Truth Hurts). Stay tuned for my famous road trip blogs. LOL.

Packed!

I did it. I'm ready to go. Packers came and finished up today and the movers are hauling it away tomorrow. Since I've only had a total of 4 hours of sleep in 2 days, I'm off to bed. Now the real adventure begins, along with the rest of my life. I'm a little weepy saying goodbye, and a little scared of the future. But it's all good.

My Little Helper

Hehe, there was a little mishap with the paper shredder. Poor Lou.

 
I'm finally heading off to bed. It was a productive day, but there is still much to do.

I have some weird things on my mind tonight, and thoughts that are making me sad. I don't want to be awake anymore.

Oh Dear Lord!

Look at this mess! I have two days to get it together and I'm gone most of the day tomorrow. AAHH! Help me, help me, HELP ME!

My Salon Farewell!

So sweet! A mother and daughter (and other awesome people) run this great Aveda salon in Redmond that I have known for 5 years now. I had a late appointment to get my hair done last night. Once all the other customers left, they brought out two bottles of champagne and ordered pizza and salad! We also did a peppermint schnapps shot toast to "New beginnings!". The mom's boyfriend was there too and serenaded us with his excellent guitar playing. We talked and laughed until midnight! A great memory and another surprise at how much people care! They will be missed.

Anybody wanna buy a house?

It's all ready to go. Yard is good, new front fence, new carpet, new paint inside, cleaning lady coming tomorrow. LOL.

God, I hope it sells soon for what I'm asking.

Last Day at the Seattle Corporate Office

Yes, I got my way. ;-) I don't throw fits very often so that when I do, people take me seriously.

It was kind of a sad day. When I first started this job, I didn't like it much. It took a while to get to know everyone (new people were kind of ignored) and it was pure chaos, with training consisting of trial by fire. I remember crying the first couple of weeks thinking I made a big mistake. Then I decided to change things around there and it worked! We became a great team and earned respect from the other departments by working hard, working smart, being accommodating and of course I threw my screwy humor into it. Now I have to start all over at the new plant, but I'm confident now that it can be done. I will very much miss my coworkers whom I became quite close with. I was so touched today when a lady I worked with almost came to tears saying goodbye. I have been showered by all kinds of gifts like a new lava lamp, lots of earrings, a necklace, underwater dumbbells for the pool (lol!), a scarf, many lunches, two cocktail parties, wind chimes, suntan lotion, and so on and so on. I don't know how to feel, it is quite overwhelming to think people care like this. I didn't know. I'm getting all choked up thinking about it. I am going in one last time on Friday to meet everyone for lunch. You know, it's funny, I will even miss my coffee girl! I weeded through all my scrapbook crap and gave her two huge bags full of stuff, some of it not even opened yet. She was so thrilled that I am no longer allowed to pay for coffee! I may miss her the most!

Life is all about the people you cross paths with. You never know how they will affect you, or how you will affect them.

Tomorrow, the painter is back at 8 am, I'm getting my hair done and going out with my hairdresser (she is a total sweetheart and wants to go out after my appointment to say goodbye too!), and of course more packing. My real estate agent friend came by last night to have me sign the seller paperwork and we are going to list this weekend and put up the for-sale sign. I know I will lose it (cry). I wanted to have all the work done first. The cleaning lady comes Thursday along with 2 doctor's appointments. Having to cram everything into this week has left me with a very full schedule. It would bore you to list the details and I'm starting not to be able to read my own writing in my planner anyway. Too many fricking cross-outs and rewrites!

I think I'm going to bed early tonight. Screw it, I'm wiped!

All Hell Has Broken Loose.

My current boss and my new boss spoke today and decided that I would work up until Friday this week. Then of course, MOVE on Monday. Um, I DON'T THINK SO. Yes, I have to move on Monday because I've rescheduled the movers so many times they won't talk to me anymore, but uh, guys? I kinda have a LOT OF SHIT TO DO IN 6 DAYS and can't be working 10 hours with a total of 4 hours of commuting every day and be ready to go. I had a serious fit. Not a good way to go out, but I'm a tad stressed and am not going to get my vacation rest time. Who came up with this whole work for a living crap anyway? Eve screwed it all up. SHE got to waltz around in the garden all day talking to animals and having sex with Adam, then decided THAT wasn't good enough, she needed forbidden fruit. All us women are stupid and get screwed over by snakes, I swear.

Oh, and to top off the day? The pizza guy brought me diet Pepsi. DIET. GROSS. He may as well have brought me gasoline. I DESPISE diet sodas.

The only good thing here is the kid made it! He graduated! Off to college in the fall! Go Bill! It went smoothly. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

Scratch that.

New boss emailed yesterday that she needs me down there, NOW. My move date moved up and I can't take vacation and have to start working June 28th. Bah! Now I'm even MORE stressed and do not get to take time off until August! At least I will be able to go home at night and take a dip in the pool.

Movers are coming the 21st and then I'm outta here.

Dinner last night was very nice and a little sad. I've known this friend for 20 years and he has always been there for me. He has a blood clot in his leg, and I worry for him. It is so hard to say goodbye to people.

I have to go get ready now.

Getting down to the wire.

Two weeks from today I will be in route to my new home; most likely hopped up on some serious caffeine. I'm still tired and a mess (I went to work today with my shirt on inside out), but things ARE getting done. My neighbor came over tonight to complete some of the "to do" list I gave him. (I paid him of course.) He unclogged the dishwasher, took out my window air conditioner, anchored the new water heater, fixed the wiring to the doorbell, took apart a wall-desk, fixed the bathroom floor vinyl and a whole bunch of other little things. He also put in my new front fence, and it looks GREAT. He is such an awesome friend and neighbor. I don't know what I would have done without him. His ex left him a few years ago (I didn't care for her too much) and when mine left, we became pretty close. Not romantically, just a really great friend to talk to, have a beer with and we have helped each other out a LOT. He had my mom and I over for his famous pressure cooker ribs (Yum!) last night. He has a new girlfriend that I really like, she is perfect for him. She is nice, down to earth and just a sweetheart. I'm so happy for him, he deserves the best. As it turns out, they are going to rent my mom's house here in Seattle! They get very low rent on a huge house, and my mom gets a built-in fix-it guy. Seriously, Denin can do ANYTHING. He even untangled my necklace last night when I was getting frustrated with it! LOL I am going to miss him a lot. People like him are a rare breed. My mom has adopted him into our family. :-) I asked him if I could fly him down to Cali when I had a problem and he said, "Sure!" LOL!

Tomorrow I'm going to dinner with an old boyfriend (he's married now, it's platonic) and Saturday is my stepson's graduation. THAT should be interesting. I'm not sure if my ex is going or not because he told me a while back he was moving to Texas, but if he does, I'm sure he will have his new wife with him. (He got remarried.) Hopefully he is happy now.

So, as you can see, I do not have one spare minute. I got home from work late tonight at 8:30 pm, and am trying to get this stupid packing done. The movers do the big stuff and breakables, but I'm responsible for all the little crap. I'm starting to get excited now as it gets closer and closer. I will have a little over 3 weeks to settle in, get some sun, swim, and go to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm! I'm such a kid. I'm tired of being a grown up right now.

I'm Gonna Ride On

It is three in the morning and of course I cannot sleep. The doctor, therapist and everyone else is telling me that if I don't get some sleep, I am going to collapse. That something terrible will happen to me. Do you know what I said? I said I didn't care. In retrospect that probably wasn't wise, but that's what I said. I have all these wonderful things finally happening in my life and I still don't care if I live or die. Obviously there is something wrong with me, but it beats the shit out of me what to do about it. I guess the "bad stuff" is still lurking around in my head. I still feel like a fool in many ways. I believed things I shouldn't have believed. I haven't lost my faith, but I feel pretty far from God, if that makes any sense. It's my own fault. It might be that when I think something good is finally happening, it goes nuclear on me. Maybe that's it, I don't believe the good is real anymore (at least not sustainable), so I resist getting excited. Hell, how do you fix that?

If you've been reading my blog for any length of time, you know many of the difficult things I've been through the last few years. Take what I've said here, then multiply it by a 100 and that will equal all the crap that I HAVEN'T talked about on the blog. It's amazing I'm not sitting in the corner rocking back and forth drooling into a cup. Yet. LOL!

I'm trying. I really am. Some days just kick the shit out of me. Some people, too.

What am I gonna do? I'm gonna ride on.

Shopping, Dating and the Last Two Weeks in WA

Sixteen more days in Washington. I confirmed my "load and pack" day as the 18th with the movers, then I'm staying with my mom until the leave date of the 24th. It is flying by. I'm slowly getting everything done, but I think I will just make it by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. I did not know the word exhausted until now. I've had 2 jobs before, working 7 days a week, and I still wasn't as tired as I am now. I was fighting to stay awake on the freeway coming home tonight. Hopefully I will LIVE through this.

After the party on Friday night, my mom and I decided to make a shopping day out of Saturday. It was the first sunny day we'd had in weeks and we went to a nice lunch sitting outside, and I bought some cute things for the summer. Sunday I went and got a mani/pedi and went out on a last date with a guy who has been vying for my attention for awhile. He is trying to move to California because his ex-wife is moving there with his kids, but I guess I've turned into stone or something because I just don't feel anything for anyone. Nothing. I have this big wall, no, FORTRESS around me that just pushes people away now. I'm social and I go out, but I won't "engage" as the Navy pilots call it. I think I'm just on my own now. I'm not afraid, I just don't want to. It all seems moot to me now I guess, like it's not worth my time. Perhaps I'll feel differently later, but I don't see it happening any time soon. It's weird, I didn't feel like this a month ago, it is a recent thing. I'm OK with it though.

Party Pics

I love you all so much.

The party was great fun! I can't believe how many people showed up, 30 or more, I lost count. I didn't even know I HAD that many friends! I got to see a friend I hadn't seen in 15 years, and everyone overwhelmed me with kindness. My hostesses, Annie and Mick are the best friends a girl could ask for and bless my mom's heart for having it at her house. I'm still working on the pics, I didn't take very good ones, but I will put them up soon.

Par-tay!

My Bon Voyage party is tonight. There will be pics, I am quite sure, that will somehow appear on my blog soon.

Alive and Dead at the Same Time

I have so many bruises I lost count. My leg has a two-inch gash. I am experiencing sleep deprivation, and because of it I started crying uncontrollably at therapy today for no good reason. I have had a new therapist for quite a while, this time a male therapist, and I tell you what, he is AWESOME. He has a very different approach and gives a ton of feedback. He is not one of those useless therapists that just sit there. He is very direct with me, and I LOVE it. The truth. No bullshit. When I started crying and couldn't tell him why he asked me how much sleep I've been getting. I told him 3 to 4 hours a night for about a month now. He said, "Well no wonder!", handed me a Kleenex and told me not to get snot on the couch. LOL!  He cracks me up. I actually started with this new therapist not to "fix me" emotionally, but to help me find direction for my life. It appears to be working. A promotion into management, a big move, and I am actually moving forward and not dwelling on the past. If you live in the past, history will keep repeating itself and I DON'T WANT THAT. I am actually making big decisions and not looking back. Thrusting ahead with a vengeance. Only problem is, it's KILLING ME physically. My poor body. Every second of my day is taken up with something that MUST get done. It will soon slow down (a little), but I seriously can't wait to get the fuck outta here. I used to love Washington but am now just completely tired of it. 32 years here. Long enough. Yes, I am leaving clean air and beautiful trees/mountains/lakes, but I don't care anymore. The beach, the pool and the sun sound pretty damn good right now. I'll deal with the smog, the taxes and the bankrupt state of California for a while and like it! Getting a huge raise and no longer paying two mortgages will put me in a no-stress financial situation. I have NO IDEA what that is like, but I can't WAIT to find out. I might actually GET to Bora Bora, and not have to hock a kidney to do it.

Okay, THERE, I blogged.

What a weekend.

NOT relaxing. At all. But I did get a big chunk of my moving list done. The next week will be full of calls, more packing and sorting, making the house livable for the time being (getting everything out of the kitchen), getting rid of the leftover garage sale stuff and my "Bon Voyage" party is this Friday. My AWESOME friends Annie and Mick are throwing it for me and I am overwhelmed at their suggestion and willingness to do something like this for me. My poor mom will be invaded by all my friends for a night of food, drink, laughing and saying goodbye.

Life is so weird right now. I feel like everything has been turned upside-down for 2 and a half years, but especially the last year. One day I'm fine, one day I fall apart, but I keep going somehow. Going through life's traumatic experiences and being alone teach you all about who you are and what you're made of. Some things you want to see, some things you don't, and sometimes you are totally surprised at what you see. I think I'm on autopilot right now because my brain is on overdrive.

My life has gone in some crazy directions, and I have a feeling there are twists and turns yet to come.

Hope you all had a nice holiday weekend.
-CDM

I need a massage.

STAT. Every inch of my body hurts. I moved EVERYTHING I own into the kitchen and/or garage for the carpet guys and ended up having to take a pain killer because I couldn't stand up straight my back hurt so bad. The place looks fabulous! Of course, it will be looking the best it ever has with everything repaired and working properly just in time for me to MOVE. Pisses me off a little. ;-) I just keep telling myself, I'll be laying in the sun and going for a swim this time next month!

I've hired two people for my team on the new job so far. It is strange being the one who "hires" people. Let's hope I picked the right people!

Can't think of much more to say at the moment so I'll just go to bed. Goodnight.

My Wedding Dress

I can't quite get to sleep and decided to sit at the computer for a quick break. I've been working very hard tonight getting everything off the carpet for tomorrow's installation, and as I was cleaning out my closet I ran across my wedding dress. I chucked it. Right into the garbage. It was a hard thing to do, but it is part of moving on. It has been awhile now, but things like that are hard. But I didn't hesitate, I just did it. I wouldn't want anyone else to wear it, it is obviously bad luck. Ha.

It will be good to get out of this town.

I have a case of "feel sorry for myself" today. I shouldn't, but I do. The blues. I'm trying not to go there, but sometimes I can't help it. It comes and goes and I try to contain it, but it's claws get a hold of me occasionally. The carpet is going in tomorrow and I have so much to do. My body hurts and I am tired. So, so tired. I always get stuck with all the work. More than I can handle by myself. I have hurt for so long I don't know how to feel good. I'm trying though.

Finishing Up.

Perhaps someday you will tell me. I'd honestly really like to know.

Got a four-day weekend here to finish up the garage sale and get the carpet in (hopefully). Moving day is getting closer and closer. I have no food in the house and I'm seriously hungry, so job one is going to get something to eat.

WHY

Why do you read my blog everyday Coin? I've been asking myself that question for over two years now and cannot for the life of me come up with a good answer. It made sense in the beginning with the mistaken identity thing and trying to get info, but it seriously doesn't make sense now. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind that you are a devoted reader, in fact it's flattering, but what is a happily married man wasting his time on my blog every day for? I'm not that interesting. I could get my mind around checking in once in a while for curiosity's sake, but almost EVERY DAY FOR OVER TWO YEARS, WHY?

WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?

You're killing me here! Even my therapist agrees there is something to it, and he is a male therapist. Enlighten me.

Getting rid of so much stuff.

All that's left! My dining room table posing as my desk, my sad little mattress, old office with crap on the floor and my lonely TV.

Who was driving the Mac Truck?

I was falling asleep at my desk yesterday, and when I got home I crashed hard. I did not wake up until the next morning (that's why no blogging yesterday). Today, I feel like a Mac truck has hit me. Every single muscle in my body hurts from all the lifting. I seriously feel 80 years old.

I won an award this morning from my department as being "the most helpful, friendly and dedicated employee". I almost cried. It is going to be hard to leave such a great group of people who actually like me. Speaking of work, I guess I better go do some.

Selling all my stuff.

Wow. I was feeling so sad and lost about selling most of my stuff, but as the garage became more and more empty, the more freedom I felt. Amazing. Life never ceases to amaze me. I made a ton of money too! Going to have another sale next weekend to shed the rest and then the new carpet will go in. I gave money to my neighbor today to fix the fence and do some minor repairs on the house, and then all the major stuff is done! I'm hiring a maid to scrub the house before I go, and the movers will pack my stuff. The rest is cake.

The very last episode of LOST is on tonight, I'm going to miss it so much! They'd better answer all my questions! No more LOST. How ironic.

Until tomorrow my peeps.

Garage Sale

Quick update, garage sale is going GREAT!! I am making WAY more money than I thought I would! Woohoo!!!

Finally, a Productive Day!

So I got my ass in gear Thursday. I took the day off work because the dogs had to get their teeth cleaned and the carpet guy came out to give me an estimate. So, took dogs to vet, got Windows 7 at Staples, went to the post office and bank, got a coffee, got garage sale signs, called "Geek Pros" to fix my computer (internet went down and I kept getting too many error messages), weeded through the house for all the sale items and put them in the garage, did the laundry, made myself dinner and crashed. Tonight I am pricing everything and rearranging the garage. I am DAMN tired and all sweaty. My neighbor came over and helped me move the big furniture out THANK GOD. My back hates me now, though, and I will be very sore tomorrow.

The house looks weird. There's hardly anything in it. I have my laptop on my dining room table because all there is in my office is books, DVDs and craft supplies (all on the floor). In my front room all I have is a small chair in front of my electric fireplace and TV. Nothing on the walls. By tomorrow, my bedroom will only have a mattress on the floor (because the mattress is new) and clothes stacked against the wall. I feel like a poor college student. LOL.

So there you have it. Progress. I even changed all the burnt-out lightbulbs, which I ever so gracefully dropped. They shattered all over the frigging place and I was screaming at the dogs to get away, which of course didn't work, and they walked right in the middle of it. *sigh*

I better make some money at this sale because everything costs a small fortune. A $900 vet bill, $1900 for carpet, $600 to get the fence fixed, 100$ for the computer guy, and yada, yada, yada.

Just Do It!

Yes, I am my own Nike commercial. I had to have a serious talk with myself after last night. I told myself to get up off my ass and JUST DO IT. I am going to be assuming a leadership role in my new job, and thus cannot be such a wuss.

Stuff is just stuff. It doesn't mean anything. People mean something, not stuff. Tonight's agenda is to move more furniture to the garage for the sale.

20 Percent

I'm overwhelmed with sadness tonight. As I sit here up against the wall, it seems like life is 80 percent pain and 20 percent pleasure, but we keep on going in life for that 20 percent. It sounds negative I guess, but it is how life works. I'm not sure what God is doing with me at the moment. Everything happening now seems good and exciting, yet I am having to pray for courage. I can't seem to move my limbs. Perhaps it is a night to rest.

They are having a hard time letting me go.

My boss in Seattle is making me stay a week longer before giving me up to my new boss. Also, I haven't moved, or even started my new position yet and I'm already scheduled to do interviews to put my team together. So, I'm now leaving Seattle on June 24th instead of the 16th, BUT I don't have to start my new job until July 12th, so that gives me more days off and more time to pack. There are seriously not enough hours in the day. I'm averaging 4 hours of sleep a night with all the things I have to do. This whole "independent woman" thing SUCKS at the moment. I have to move all the big furniture by myself (for the garage sale). Bah!

New Life, New Blog Makeover.

I am trying this blog skin out; I was getting sick of the old one. I'm starting to like making changes. I added music, which will probably annoy all of you, but that's my job. To annoy you. If you don't like it, you can go to the bottom and shut it off.

I am starting to go through all my stuff. Ug. I have too much stuff. I think I will like "downsizing" actually; it makes life simpler and more organized. First order of business is getting everything I am going to sell into the garage and throwing stuff out. That is the task this week, and I am having a garage sale the next two weekends in a row. This will be the biggest job, so I want to get it out of the way first.

I have to keep telling myself it will all be OK. To stop stressing. This is a lot for one person to handle, especially with all the crap that I've been through, but I have to do it. No choice. As soon as I start having a panic attack, I just sit down and concentrate on my breathing. Which I'm having to do a lot.

Better today.

After a good night's sleep, I am feeling a little better. Sometimes I have moments that seem to summarize things in a way that overwhelms me. That's normal, right? But we let go and push ahead! I must admit, it is hard to get rid of most everything in my life and start new. It is a necessary step in my life, however, but "pruning" can be painful. It will pass. Everything does. Life goes on and I am going with it. I think my problem is things are happening fast and I don't have much time to think about it; which is probably a good thing. The timing of how everything has come together for me is interesting, though. It is perfect. The order of events and their timing has been perfect. It is meant to be.

Laying in bed.

Everything just hit me. Everything. The past, the present, the future. I feel a little woozy. Sick to my stomach. I'm probably going to get sick, actually.

Why they call me "CrazyDogMama" and Happy Birthday to my Mama!

Took Mags to the Vet this morning. It is always an adventure to take her in the car. As you can see, she is nice and calm and relaxed while we are on the highway, but it's FULL chaos when I park and pull the emergency brake up. I asked for doggie Valium for the drive to California so that I don't chuck her out the window. Taking mom out for a lobster dinner for her birthday!

Gotta get my shit together, Day 1

Called my friend who is a real estate agent to start the home selling process. Made an appointment with movers to come give me an estimate on Monday. Started making a list of ALL the things I need to do before I leave and realized it is going to be a small miracle if I can do it. Had freakout attack. Recovered. Went to dinner with mom to discuss how I'm going to get all this done. Called lawyer because I still haven't received the deed to the house and I need it. Tried to figure out a good bribe to get my neighbor to help me fix the fence. Money and beer usually works. Thanked God for all that He has given me and all that He has helped me get through and proceeded to ask Him to not let me lose it during the next month of chaos. Got a little teary-eyed for who knows what reason. Recovered. Tried to figure out why I drank an espresso at 8pm at night when I have to get up at 5am. Sat in silence for a good 20 minutes trying to soak all of this in. Looked around the house. Put my hands on my head and groaned. Recovered. Answered emails. Talked to my ex's ex for an hour (I have an odd life) to give her the scoop and my new info because I will be living only an hour from where my stepson is going to college in the fall. (Yay!) Gave myself a pep-talk that everything is going to be great and that the best is yet to come.

Relocation Package

OK I'm semi-calm. Sort of. All of this is still very surreal. I've lived in WA since I was 6 years old (born in California), and even though I'm very familiar with the area I'm moving to, it is scary as hell to leave my whole life behind in such a short amount of time. On the flip side, it's gonna be so freakin' cool!

My company is giving me an UNBELIEVABLE relocation package. My jaw hit the floor. Won't be costing me a dime to move! I'm just going to hire movers and packers and kick back. I'm going to have a big garage sale in the next few weekends to "prune" my stuff. Only the good stuff goes with me, I will buy new later! My raise blew me away too. I'm not going to know how to act!

Anyway, I will officially be a Californian on June 17th (leaving the 16th) and I start my new position on the 28th. AAHH!

Thanks for all the great comments! I love you all. I of course will be blogging the adventures in moving.

I. GOT. THE. JOB. HOLY SHIT.

They want me there in about 3 weeks. Moved. In 3 weeks. To California. I got a 25K/yr raise. I am paralyzed with excitement and fear at the same time. I can barely think, let alone type. I will have to blog later when the shock wears off.

Just had the second interview.

Can't read this one. I don't feel 100% confident, but I think it went well. He was a tough interviewer, I answered some questions spot-on, and others I struggled with. ARG. I want to know right now damnit! Perhaps I need to work on my patience skills. Hurry up and wait.

Happy Mother's Day to All the Mothers!

I made my mom her favorite dish that I make, "Quattro Fromaggi Mezzaluna Ravioli" in a garlic parmesan cream sauce with jumbo shrimp and a Greek salad. It turned out pretty good. I also got her a mani/pedi gift certificate because she NEVER does stuff like that for herself. I also brought her an iced coffee. What did you do for your mother if you were able to spend time with her?

The picture of me is circa 1987 in the very backyard of the house I may be moving into this summer. I'm a little nervous about the second interview tomorrow. It seems like there is a REALLY good chance for me to get this job and I'm excited but terrified at the same time. It will be VERY overwhelming to sell my house, sell most of my stuff and move to another state, all while trying to start a new position with a lot more responsibility. Not only that, but I've decided to go back to my maiden name and there will be paperwork up the ying yang for that, PLUS moving to a new state. It will also be SUPER fun taking a driving test after 22 years. I haven't gotten the job yet, but just thinking about 

this stuff freaks me out. It will be a whole new life for me. If you had told me two years ago that 

my life would be at this crossroads, I wouldn't have believed it. I actually remember blogging over a year ago "I wonder what will be happening this time next year?" HA. It goes to show you that you can't know where your life is going to go. Never say never. Anything can change at any time. I 

never thought I would live in California, I never thought I would be successful in a career, I never thought I would be single at 38 and I never thought I would be able to get through 

everything I've been through. Maybe it's my time now. Maybe after all the struggles, all the heartache and all the loss, it is my time to live. I'm sure this is not the only change life has in store for me, just when I think nothing else could possibly change, BOOM! Who knows, I may NOT get the job, I just don't know. But I do know that no matter what, NOTHING stays the same.

You should do what I did. Right now. Write down where you think your life will be in a year, and then stash it someplace safe. Then, put in on a calendar to look at in exactly a year and see how close you were. I bet you are WAY off. You may not have big life changes like me, but I bet some things will happen over the course of the year you weren't expecting at ALL. It is interesting, try it.

I really AM a Badass.

It wasn't as bad as I remember. It hurt, yes, but when he said he was done, I was all "Really? That was nothing!" He laughed. I really love how it turned out, the cover-up is awesome. I let the artist do what he wanted, although I did say no to getting a snake going through a skull. ROFLMAO. I have SWIRLIES now! I like swirlies. I am very happy with it. Of course, the first thing that happened when I got home is the dogs jumped all over it and I screamed NO! OFF! OMG, OFF! They want to lick my wound, and, um, NO. Gross.

I have turned a few corners now, and am awaiting my Monday, or possibly Tuesday news. I think I need a glass of wine. My ankle is a bit sore.

Tattoo Parlour.

I'm waiting in the tattoo parlour. I'm the most normal person here, and that's saying A LOT. LOL! Everyone is nice, but I could have found the portal to hell, I'm not sure. It is however very sanitary and clean in here, but the music playing sounds like a mixture of a man screaming while someone is holding his throat with people throwing trash cans in the background. Hehe.

Pics later after the crying and cussing. I have to go act like a badass now, so please excuse me.

I'm bouncing off the damn walls!

I emailed the person I interviewed with today to thank her for her time and ask a few questions I did not have time to ask. Specifically, I asked when they want the position to start, if there would be anymore interviews other than this one and when she would be making a decision. She replied quickly with, "Need someone ASAP, there is an interview set up for you with another director on Monday at 10 am, and the decision will be made as soon as that interview is over." She also said she is hoping to have me join their team! HOLY CRAP. If this interview goes well on Monday, I will be transferring to the California plant ASAP as the new Supervisor of my department!

I can't sit still. I might be putting my house on the market next week! I would probably lose my ass in this economy, but how is exciting is this? OK, I don't want to jinx it so I'll shut up about it now.

I'm getting my tattoo redone/changed tomorrow at 4pm. I'm nervous. I'm not big on pain.

I have a new theme song for this week. I want to do it all. I AM going to do it all. (My way!)

I wasn't going to blog tonight, but I did.

My mom called and said I had to blog because I can't just leave people hanging. That's funny. When did this blog become so damn important? I can't imagine anyone caring that much about anything that I write, or hanging on every word I say, but I guess it is possible. I remember back in 1998 reading my first blog/website and wanting one soooo bad. I made it a goal to learn HTML, and I actually wrote it down on my goal spreadsheet. (Shut up.) Then, blogger came out a few years later and it was as easy as 1-2-3. You had to know a little HTML back then to have extras, but not too much. Now you don't have to know squat unless you want something really unique and fancy.

Anyway, I guess you all want to know about my interview, huh? It went great. After a crappy few days I wasn't exactly bringing my A-game, but it turned out well. The new director is spunky and fun, not at all what I was expecting. She said the other person she wants to hire (the person I would be reporting to) was someone she knows and said she could tell from my personality that we would get along great. I think that is a pretty good indication that I'm definitely in the running. I don't know who my competition is (they won't tell me) but I felt good about how I presented myself. I make a point to never be fake, but to express myself exactly how I am and what I can do. She seemed impressed. HR contacted me later in the day and said they wanted to set up another interview next week with someone else. I'm just going with the flow, waiting to see what life is going do next. BRING IT!

There is something I have learned lately that I will share. It is the concept of reality. Not existentialism or anything (ha!), but about what "reality" we create in our minds. Our thinking. What we think, or what "reality" we create for ourselves, determines how our life goes. It affects our mood, our emotions, our decision making, everything. The problem comes when the reality we create isn't actually "real". Deep shit, I know. I don't think I am explaining it well, so here is an example. Two people witness the same event. One of them thinks it has a great, positive outcome, and the other thinks it is a tragedy or horrible mistake. It is a very real feeling or interpretation for each person, but who is correct? Both. Neither. It is only perception and their reaction to it, and it affects each one differently, possibly a life changing perception. I'm starting to learn how to change my own reality. It is quite fascinating. It doesn't mean there are not facts or truths (e.g. the event was just the event), it just means how we look at them can be extremely important. Another example: If a child goes through a situation where their mother and father divorce, and the child goes to live with one parent, that child may grow up thinking that the other parent abandoned them. The fact may be that the parent without the child had no choice in the matter, but nevertheless, abandonment is the reality for the child until they change their reality.

What in the hell am writing this for? LMAO! I have no idea, just writing. Did your eyes roll to the back of your head? Didn't mean to get all philosophical.

Get! Go on! The pic is of my new sunglasses.

I'm Dying

Have had a very rough couple of days. Don't even know what to say. I guess there is nothing to say.

I think I am going to die from no sleep.

It's going to be a long week.

I have my interview on Thursday with the Director, but then it will be hurry up and wait. Which I totally suck at. But in the meantime, I set up an appointment for my partial tattoo cover-up. I'm getting my rose-piercing-the-heart touched up (I designed that myself!) and well, I think I'm going to have to go with some more roses or something on the bottom where the name is because "cover-ups" are difficult apparently, and laser removal is SUPER expensive and painful. Forget THAT. Flowers are more feminine anyway. ;-) So, in ALL ways, this will be a painful week. LOL.

Nice Weekend.

My mom and I were chatting on the phone Saturday night, and after about an hour I said, "This is stupid, why don't I just come over?" She agreed. So, I threw the pups in the car with an overnight bag, and we went to see 'grandma'. (That's what I tell the pups and they get all excited. LOL.) We watched a movie (A walk in the Clouds) and then went to bed. Sunday, we got up and went to breakfast at Denny's (I had the prime rib & eggs skillet) and then went shopping after I said this, "You know how material things only give you temporary happiness?" My mom said "Yes.", then I said, "Let's go get some temporary happiness!" She said, "Okay!!" So, we went shopping. She bought a ring; I bought some new sunglasses (like I needed more of those) and we both got some makeup. Had a great time. Went back to her place, took a nap, got up and grabbed dinner and watched another movie "He's Just Not That Into You". The movie was too funny. It was obviously chick flick weekend. I'm back home now getting a load of laundry done and paying the bills.

I don't know what day next week I have the interview for the Cali position, but I'm anxious for it. I have zero patience. I want to know NOW. It's funny, I'm going on vacation in a month to the place I might end up living in. Guess I'll have to find a new vacation spot!! I cancelled my eHarmony subscription (shut up) not only because I'm sick of it, but I'm thinking I probably shouldn't date anymore until I figure out where I'm going to be living. Ha.

It is so weird how everything has changed so much for me in such a short amount of time. But you know, I'm doing pretty good. I feel like things are really looking up. I do wish I had a special someone to share this exciting time with, but I believe he will come. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he will. I hope it happens the way I want it to, but in the meantime, life is happening all around me and for the first time in a long time I can see it and am participating in it! I have learned much, made mistakes and feel like I've been through it all, but now I know what I want and what I don't want. I'm actually feeling more confident, and I know I can handle what life throws at me. I've still got some self-improvement to do, and I'm doing it, however no one is perfect and I'm not beating myself up over the stupid stuff! At this point I am actually willing to take chances I've been so afraid of before, live anywhere, and I'm on the road to happiness, and when that special guy does ride up, I'll be ready, and he will be spoiled rotten! (And so will I!) ;-)