Redding, CA

Cough, cough, just hit Redding and you can see and smell smoke from the California fires.

Here are some more awesome pics because there is nothing else to do. I know how much you love my feet. Everyone does. LOL.

I've got night shift, so later, dues.

Exciting Road Pics

SUPER exciting road pics. Don't worry, things will get more interesting once I hit the margaritas. After we arrive, that is, no drinking and driving here.

Just hit Salem, OR.

Here is the best little trooper (Lou-dog) in the world, being super good, and super cute. Also pictured is a much-needed Carl's Jr. break! I haven't had Carl's Jr. Since like, 1987. MMMMMMMM! So very tasty, I must say. My table was the top of the dog crate. I am creative, but doesn't that suit a "CrazyDogMama" perfectly?

We just hit Salem, Oregon. We're coming up on my favorite part of the trip soon, which is the Mt. Shasta area. It is so pretty in the Summer, and they have the BEST rest stops. LOL.

Forced Narcissism

Yes, I am goofing off and photographing it per usual. We just left and I'm trying to expend some energy because I'm all hyped up and cooped up in a minivan, now.

Also, my blogging is going to seem narcissistic on this trip because I've been warned that if I post anyone else's picture, I won't live. Pussies. No sense of adventure.

First Road Trip Pic

Behold the first road trip pic! It doesn't get any more exciting than this, does it? We have the cooler filled to the brim with the very necessary "Starbucks Double Shots" and "Rockstar Lattes".

Do I know how to travel, or what? I didn't get beef jerky, though. I will at the first stop though, because I'll need protein. There is no such thing as "eating healthy on a road trip", unless you are one of those responsible/sensible types, but no such types exist in my world. This is all about caffeine, fast food and hauling ass. Are you with me?

Two hours of sleep isn't bad, right?

Insomnia bodes well on road trips, though. I stayed up until about 2 am and woke up at 4 am. I think I'm too excited. I'm almost done packing, but I'm having trouble with that. I'm taking my laptop, but that will have to be packed last. Obviously. I've got to get Magadog to the kennel by 8 am or something crazy like that. I didn't eat all day yesterday except for my coffee, and then I had a Totino's Party Pizza at around midnight. How sad is that?  I actually like them, go figure. I'm a little antsy, so bear with me. I'll start taking pics once I'm on the road, right now I just got out of the shower and I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. So many things to do!

OMG Packing Sucks!

Packing. When did packing get so complicated and stressful? I keep changing my mind about everything and *apparently* I have too much stuff. My mom is freaking out that we won't have enough room in her MINIVAN. Really, mom? But it's 2 whole weeks! It is a bit ridiculous that this is stressing me out, but I need certain things, or the trip will not be all that it can be. Damnit. I'm also trying to load my iPod and it only holds so many songs, and it's a road trip, so this is necessary. I need a beer or something. It will be OK Cheryl; it will be OK. Breathe.

Taking you with me virtually!

I am officially on vacation! From here on out, I could post at any given time. I am going to take you with me virtually, like it or not. I'm not promising the best blogging EVER, but I'll try. This is very exciting for me. Not only am I on vacation, but I have a Crackberry for the first time on a road trip and will be able to document everything for nostalgic moments later when I'm stuck at my desk, or my little house of solitude in the mountains. It will give me something to do to pass the time, and of course forever capture those fun and/or hilarious moments that will no doubt come! OK, let's go!

Getting Amped Up

I'm leaving tomorrow and NOT PACKED. So, what do I do? Get a triple espresso. (My favorite coffee stand here in Sultan.) That will help me calm down. HA. Going to have to do a half day at work, or I'll never get everything done.

Fancy Nails

Here are my new fancy nails, and I am as I type, I'm also getting fancy toes. Some things in life are good. THEN, I'm heading over to Juice's house for nacho night, starring Hole and Amy. Good times! They are starting the foot massage, gotta go!

Sorry, not sorry.

The only thing that was TOO BIG (I love it when I'm smaller than I realized) were the shorts that came with the blue hoodie. No biggie! To tell you the truth, the swim dress fits, but I could have actually bought a smaller size. I'm having a heart attack over that!

Anyway, if you had seen me setting up to take these pictures, you would have died laughing. I hope you appreciate the creativity here, people. LOL. I do realize that you were all on pins and needles waiting for me to update you on this. Oh, and for all my male readers, sorry not sorry. Can I post something for you guys? Something about cars? Lingerie?

Got my new eyeballs.

My new glasses came in today and I LOVE them! They aren't too different from my last ones except that they were more expensive and a little darker red, and Christian Dior instead of Lulu Guinness. I can see now! I just got off work and am running to grab a bite, then go tanning, then going to target to get some vacation supplies, then to Costco to get an additional memory card for my camera. These are all very important things. I will be in the poor house in approximately 2 weeks, but oh well, what the hell else is new?

They told me my package will arrive today or tomorrow, but I don't know if I believe them. The Post Office that it is sitting at is an hour away, or I would just go get it. (They would be closed by the time I got there.) Only me. This would only happen to me. You know it will arrive 30 seconds before I leave, right? If it is there when I get home, I will be shocked. But happy! I am really frothing at the bit (does anyone say that anymore?) because I don't know if everything will fit, and if I don't have a bathing suit, well, it could get interesting because I am GOING swimming. Period. I'm sure I'll be updating you about it sometime later tonight because blogging is addictive and obsessive. I don't know why some of you don't do it. It's fun, really! Even if no one is reading or listening, which is not so different from actual life. I'm way chattier online than in person. If you've ever watched "Dead Like Me" (the former Showtime series) the main character Georgia (George) is ME personified. Seriously. Deadpan humor, sarcastic, pessimistic, cynical, a smartass and generally not a happy person who likes to cuss occasionally. I look thrilled, don't I?

Earthquake in CA

Have you heard about the nice earthquake in Southern California? Just a few miles from where I will be traveling in a few days. Neat, huh? Chino Hills had a 5.4, which is not a huge quake, but in a populated area like LA, you'll rock and roll. Some friends I have there said it was long and pretty jolting, with tons of aftershocks. No reports of any major damage or casualties. My positive and optimistic outlook thinks it could be a precursory earthquake. I guess I'll find out. They closed down the rides at Disneyland for inspection. This is what really concerns me. I'm going there. and it BETTER be open! Stupid earthquakes.

Good Morning Internet

I need coffee. Stat. Did my 3 am thing again, but just laid there counting ceiling bumps. It was too cozy, and the dogs were snoring. Didn't want to wake the darlings up. Pfft.

I was packing in my head. You know how you lay there and think "OK, I need to remember to bring this and this and that, and OMG, don't forget THAT! Maybe it's just me. My cute new clothes are supposed to arrive sometime today (Yay!) so it will be like Christmas in the CrazyDogMama household tonight. I may take pics. I'm praying they all fit, you know how ordering online is risky. I may need to call my therapist after trying on the bathing suit. I have not purchased one in over 10 years. I could be horrified and pass out. Don't expect pics of me in it unless you want to send me a fifth of tequila first. LOL.

I'm taking my video camera even though it is a dinosaur. It's digital, but its big, not cute like the new ones. HEY! Something to add to my Amazon Wishlist! Maybe I'll post some video clips if I am properly persuaded. I love electronic toys! (Shut up, you know what I mean.)

A Walk

I took a nice walk outside today on a break and snapped this very familiar pose of myself. Perhaps someday you will see the other half of my head, or maybe an arm. Happy Monday. Bah.

Preparing for Vacation

I think a part of me is sad for this vacation because I will be staying at my grandma's house, and the reality of her death will probably set in when I arrive. There are so many memories there, and my poor grandfather is down the street in a Dementia home, which also saddens me. He doesn't remember who I am, and he was such a great grandpa, always playing with me and telling me stories. They were a huge part of my childhood. It also may be the last time I get to spend time at the house/pool because my mom has to sell it eventually. So, that is probably contributing to my funk. I'm trying to think positive; that they would both love the fact that I am enjoying it and want to be there, and that I will have fun. Laguna beach is close by, Disneyland is 20 minutes away, and my favorite Pizza Place "Biagio's" is awaiting my return.

I spent all day today grooming the dumb dogs. I am completely exhausted. That really takes it out of me. It took SIX hours, and the hair/mess clean-up is just as bad. I actually have a blister on my thumb from the grooming scissors. It is one more thing to cross off of my "to do list before vacation" though. I went to see the Pet Lodge where poor Magadog will have to stay, and I was really impressed with it. It is clean, and the people are super nice. It is a huge, beautiful facility (Paradise Pet Lodge) so I have great confidence they will take good care of her. I worry about these things; these dogs are my kids. At this point I don't know who is luckier, Maggie getting to stay at doggie Club Med, or Louie who gets to get dunked in the pool in Cali.

So, have I rambled on long enough about stuff you don't care about? I'm tired, but I still need to make dinner (at 8 pm) and clean my office. My office is a disaster. It is usually all tidy and organized, but since inheriting all my dad's cookbooks, and a bunch of pictures and whatnot, I just haven't found room for everything, and the office is the catch-all. I may be trying to do too much in one day, but I really need to get it done. There is some stuff I need to find to take on vacation and everything is just chaos. Well, I better get to it.

Just lock me up and throw away the key.

It is less than a week before I go on a nice vacation, and I'm in a funk. What the hell is wrong with me? I mean, WTF? I'm excited and all that, but all of a sudden, I'm all down. I hate it. I think I am completely and utterly hopeless. I don't even know why I'm blogging this.

What is it with 3 am?

3 am is apparently CrazyDogMama time. Maybe I don't have insomnia, maybe I'm just nocturnal. Like a bat. Almost every single night I wake up at 3 am. There is not a whole lot to do at 3 am. It is so quiet here out in the sticks. I usually just lay here in bed and grab the Crackberry or think, but sometimes I just have to get up. Some say 3 am is the "witching hour" or "dead time", the time when the dark world is supposed to be at its peak. All the weird stuff that has ever happened to ME, has happened in broad daylight, never at 3 am; although it is auspicious that I wake up at 3 am on the dot every night, don't you think?

I've tried counting sheep, but it makes me giggle because my sheep are retarded. Sometimes they try to jump together and run into each other in mid-air, sometimes they are wearing Superman capes and sometimes they trip and fly INTO the fence. I know, just when you thought my blog couldn't get any weirder. I really hate taking sleeping pills. Even when I'm depressed and want to escape the world, when I wake up it feels like someone hit me over the head with a baseball bat. No good.

Too bad some of you don't live closer with the same 3 am problem, we could hang out and do stuff! You know you want to.

He's going to give himself a concussion.

When Louie eats, he bashes his little doghead against the cabinets. I thought I would share.

I now have peeps.

Crackberry.com, it exists. Awesome!

Rough Night

I was all excited thinking about vacation and playing on the computer, but then I got a little sleepy and crawled into bed. It was a rough night from then on, and the morning has been a little sucky too. I'm sorry I can't really explain, but I am temporarily what I call "stalled". If that makes any sense. It is going to be a short day for me so perhaps I'll log on later. Thanks for understanding. Here is a good quote:

“The pain of your past is the preparation for your future. If you ever get that realization, if you ever can lay hold of that revelation, it will change you forever."

9 More Days

Until beach, sand, waves and sunshine! Are you jealous? I need this vacation in a bad way. A very bad way. I hope it goes well, you know my life.

A million billion things to do.

I am going nuts trying to get everything ready for vacation. I forgot how much prep there is when you are going to be gone more than a few days. Errands! Cleaning! Shopping! I will take pics of some of the cute new clothes I got as soon as they arrive. I got some online for a GREAT deal. I got a lavender tank top, a turquoise terrycloth lounger, a black swim dress, and I even got a beach bag! Here are the catalog pics, what do you think?

Driving to Work

Wet hair, classic CrazyDogMama look, thrilled, half asleep. Nothing new.

Phone call at 5 am.

When the phone rings that early, I jump 3 feet in the air. The first thought that enters my head is "OMG, who is dead or in the hospital?" I rubbed the goo out of my eyes so that I could read the caller ID and made out the name "Illinois". Illinois? Not Dave Smith or John Doe, but Illinois. I told Illinois to go to hell and to call back at a decent hour. Besides, I'm waiting for a call from Florida.

Inverted Nipple?

Nothing of interest has happened today. Nothing good, nothing bad. I worked. I had a burrito and a water at Taco Time for lunch for $1.99. I'm going over to my mom's tonight. I'm really tired. I'm not particularly cranky, but I'm not smiley either. Just nothingness. Boring. I may drink a glass of wine at my mom's, which could possibly stimulate a more exciting blog post later.

Juice: I was thinking. I have seen you naked before, and I do not remember any inverted nipple. Is this new, or did I miss it? I may need confirmation. No, I'm not a lesbian.

I'm copying Juice.

I am supposed to list 6 random things about myself. I don't have anything as exciting as Annie's inverted nipple, but I'll give it a shot.

1. I like to play with my dog's ears. When they lay in my lap, I'm constantly fiddling with their ears. It is fuzzy goodness.

2. I HAVE to sleep on my stomach. All sprawled out. I do not delicately lay on my side like a lady should, no, not me.

3. I like the movie Legally Blonde. (Shut it.) The reason I like it is because I love how she is nice to everyone, and everyone likes her or ends up liking her. I want to be like that.

4. I cannot name all the Presidents and I don't care. I could learn it quickly because I have a photographic memory, but I don't want to. History was my least favorite subject in school, but I am constantly reading current events.

5. I hate wearing turtlenecks, I feel like I am going to choke.

6. I get irritated beyond belief if someone turns off or changes a song before it completely finishes.

The countdown and other stuff.

TWELVE days, people, TWELVE days until I am on vacation! Pray a meteor doesn’t hit or something before I go, I feel like I’ve been crawling around in the desert and now I’m getting close to the oasis; dehydrated and moaning. Dang, I won’t know how to act on vacation.

Question for Juice (or anyone who might know): How do you post pics on Blogger with your Blackberry? If I take pics with my phone, I can access them, and it says, “uploading pic”, but it never actually does. FRUSTRATING. I may just have to wait to post pics until I get back. I don’t have that kind of patience. If anyone has the magic, let me know.

About this morning’s post: Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t recognize my own face. It is really strange. How I see myself without the mirror is different than the actual reflection. I like the me in my head better. I’ve changed a lot in the last 10 years, physically, mentally and emotionally. You could say it is natural maturation, but it’s more than that. It is more like a complete metamorphosis, or at least it feels like it. Everything I said I wouldn’t let happen, happened, even down to having a “desk job”. I remember telling myself I would never sit at a damn desk all day! HA. I also said I would never get fat, I would never get married young, blah, blah, blah. It goes to show you, you just CANNOT predict these things. But now that I’m here, now what? Anyway, I’m going all over the place with this post. I need to collect my thoughts and re-group.

Mirror Mirror

Do you ever look in the mirror and say, "What happened to you?". If you don't, consider yourself very, very lucky. I am thankful for my life, don't get me wrong, but nothing has really turned out the way I thought it would. There are good things in my life, and there are bad, but mostly I'm asking myself, how did I get here?

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

No more garage sales. I'm done. Made some good money, but I can't sit and swat flies anymore. People are just strange, some of the things they say while shopping in a garage sale crack me up. Louie complained about the altered feeding schedule. FYI, no more ghost activity as of yet.

Um...

I heard someone call my name. No one was there. Then, the bathroom light came on. BY ITSELF. I think I need to stop watching "A Haunting" every week, and/or get some sleep. Or get my Bible out. Either I'm going completely insane, or some crazy shit just happened. Shut up. I know what you're thinking. I can hear from here. If anything else freaky happens, I'm moving. End of story.

Garage Sale

Garage sales are lots of work. I sat a lot, but I had to be chatty, and that to me is exhausting. All my neighbors decided to come over and camp out and talk my ear off, and honestly, I'm not much for small talk. I'm way too intense for small talk. I do it to be nice, but I don't really enjoy it. I'm so tired I can't even nap. I tried, but I just laid there with my eyeballs open. Now I'm hungry.

All my pics today are boring. Strangers don't seem to appreciate their picture taken. Go figure. I did take some nice pics the other day, but I'm too tired to upload them right now. I have to do this all over again tomorrow. Hope I do as well as I did today, I made some bank!

First weirdo of the day.

I'm having a garage sale, and this guy drove his car by, screeched to a halt, RAN over to the recliner for sale, pushed on the arm rests twice and RAN back to his car and drove away.

WTF? He was too quick in his little flip flops to get a picture of him, sorry Hole. I was way too mesmerized by the whole thing. LOL!

Flirting at the Sultan Bakery

So, I have to tell you about dinner last night. I'll shorten the story because I don't feel like typing that much, but here goes. My mom was there and is crazy like me, and loud because she needs a hearing aid. (I'm not allowed to post pics of her, I promised, but I'm going to talk about her, and she can't do anything about it.) The first thing that happened was I was feeling cheeky, and that usually presents a story. We were at the Sultan Bakery, and you have to go up to the counter and order dinner, then sit down and wait for them to bring it to you. (Real fancy-like.) I was in line behind a guy by himself, about my age, maybe older. He ordered a big platter meal and two cokes. Because of the two cokes, the cashier thought we were together and said, "Together on the ticket?" I piped up with "Oh no, we're not together." Then the cheekiness kicked in and I put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Unless you want to be." He looked at me, smiled and then turned 4 sheets of red and stuttered. (I love it when men do that. LOL) He said, "Oh, um, that would be great, but my wife would probably get mad." I giggled and told him I was just messing with him and that my husband would be pissy about it too. He laughed. (Shut up, I can't help it.)

OK, then I went and sat down after having my fun. The conversation over dinner was pretty funny. Since the guy from the counter decided to sit right next to us, he heard every word. (Super.) He even interjected into the conversation several times. He had a good sense of humor, and you have to remember this is a small town and everyone talks to everyone.

After we left and got into the car, this is the conversation my mother and I had:

Mom: That guy was flirting with you.
Me: No, he wasn't, I embarrassed him at the counter.
Mom: So? He was flirting with you.
Me: He is married mom, and knows I am too, he wasn't flirting, I just broke the ice and you and I were acting like maniacs.
Mom: (laughing) That doesn't change the fact that he was flirting with you.
Me: OMG, mom, will you stop with that? It's SULTAN, everybody talks.
Mom: No, they don't, he couldn't take his eyes off of you.
Me: (shaking my head) I spilled Au Jus sauce all down the front of me, of course he was looking at me, I'm a freak.
Mom: That's not the reason he was looking at you. Did you notice he was finished with his dinner long before us and still sat there?
Me: We're not talking about this anymore.
Mom: Oh look, here he comes!
Me: MOTHER!
Mom: (laughing)

Mood: Stable

For now. I have been having major anxiety about some stuff this week, and today is the first day I feel OK. I've hurled my dinner up the last 4 nights in a row because of it, and it is just ridiculous. (I'm not bulimic, I'm not pregnant, and I don't have the flu. It's anxiety) So, I'm STARVING, but a little afraid to eat. I'm going to try a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and see how I do with that.

I got off work early today, YAY! I have a super exciting weekend planned of making money by selling my stuff, but hey, sitting around playing on the internet doesn't actually sound that bad. Maybe I'll take some pictures of the weirdos that come by. We get some doozies around here, let me tell you.

Rollercoaster Life

Have you been on CrazyDogMama’s rollercoaster of life lately? That would go something like this:

Monday: “I’m happy and excited and life is going to be great!”.

Tuesday: “Life sucks so bad, someone gut me and let me bleed to death.”

Wednesday: “Fuck everything.”

Thursday: “Things are OK and shaping up.”

Friday: “I’m crazy and angry and depressed and stressed out.”

Saturday: “No one loves me.”

Sunday: “I took my meds on time today, and meds are awesome.”

Some say I’m negative and cynical and need to try to be happier. You THINK? DUH. Who is happy? I mean REALLY, REALLY happy? With no ups and downs. NO ONE. Me? I am just able (and do) admit that things aren't going the way I want them to. Not that I expect everything to go my way. We are all searching for something. I have my own search. Now, there are some who are happier than others, just like some are richer than others, but I’m not all that uncommon, really. I may sound pissy for 6 months in a row, I may not. You just never know with me right now. So just bear with me and when something cool happens, I’ll let you know. I will also let you know when everything is falling apart, which has essentially been the last year for me. Some big stuff has happened, yes, but I also keep having these little setbacks and disappointments that are frustrating and depressing.

It takes a special kind of person to bond with me and understand me, I don't expect to be the most popular blogger by any means. They have to be a tough-skinned, passionate, intense and honest person. They also have to have a good sense of dark, sarcastic humor. There are very few of those kinds of people out there, I’ve found. I think I’m worth it, though. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for those I love.

HOWEVER, don’t piss me off.

Other things going on? I got my eyes dilated today, which is always a treat. So, if this post makes no sense, or is typed funny, you’ll know why. I have hyperopia (farsightedness). I had to get new glasses because I am way blinder now. They are similar to my old ones, but nevertheless will permit a new photo op when they come in. They are more burgundy than red-red. I can tell you are thrilled. I always think it is funny when they have you write out a check after dilation. I CAN’T SEE, PEOPLE!

Also, the roof of my mouth hurts. Doritos?

More 3 AM Fun!

I just woke up from one of my bizarre dreams that ends with a sound that resembles a sonic boom. Weird, huh? I know the sound is only in my head, because if it was an actual sound, the dogs would flip out. It startles the hell out of me, though, and I wake up like I'm on fire.

Anyway, I'm laying here in bed with my friend the Crackberry. I know I probably won't fall back asleep, but I don't want to get up out of the warmness. This is my new solution. Don't you wish you were me? HA. So, here I am thinking about all my friends in internet land who are probably fast asleep with CrazyDogMama far from their minds. Anybody up? If you are, email me, because this sucks and I'm bored.

In a Gadda Da Vida, Baby

This day could not have gotten any longer. It has been a day, let's just go with that. I have on long-sleeved hot clothes on a summer day. I don't know why. I can't get the above-mentioned song out of my head, SOMEONE KILL ME. I need to get ready for my garage sale this weekend and I don't know where to start. Which reminds me, I'm looking forward to sitting in a chair all weekend watching weirdos sift through my crap. This will certainly justify the Crackberry purchase, if anything else.

I have blogger's-block, I think. I just can't seem to think of anything to write about. I have actually thought that maybe I would finish writing a story I started back in college. (I was really into creative writing back then.) I could copy what I've already written, and add to it, one chapter at a time on my blog. What do you think? Sound interesting to you? Would you want to read it?

This is Cindy's Fault

WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 5 am

DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Diamonds, but I wouldn’t throw a man out of my bed who gave me pearls, either.

WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Coffee on weekdays, eggs benedict, homemade waffles or omelets on Weekends.

WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Lyn

WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? Creamed corn, meatloaf and canned peas. YUCK.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Can’t pick just one.

FAVORITE SANDWICH? Roast beef on French bread with horseradish.

WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? Arrogance.

FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING? My vintage Texas Chainsaw Massacre T-Shirt.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Lavender and Sage.

FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? DKNY.

WHERE WOULD YOU RETIRE? Who cares. As long as I am retired.

WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? 21st. HOLY CRAP.

FAVORITE IDEA/CONCEPT? “Pay it Forward”.

WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? Depends, usually a 7 to a 7 ½ depending on who makes them.

ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE? Not yet.

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? Race car driver. (Shut up)

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Quiet. Lonely. Pondering.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Jr. Mints and Reses Peanut Butter Cups.

WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? My two-week vacation in August.

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Memphis Style Ribs with some kick-ass BBQ sauce.

DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Nah, but I have wishes.

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Black.

HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? HOT.

FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Dr. Pepper.

SIBLINGS? None.

FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? It used to be Christmas.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Atari.

SUMMER or WINTER? Fall.

HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on who it is.

COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee.

CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate. But I won’t say no to vanilla.

WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? Monsters, and ironing board.

WHO IS THE FRIEND THAT YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Michaela.

WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Dwelled on dumb stuff and went to bed early.

FAVORITE SMELL? I love the smell of gasoline. (I know) And fresh baked chocolate chip cookies.

SALTY OR SWEET? Depends.

HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? 8

HOW MANY YEARS AT YOUR CURRENT JOB? 3+

IN HOW MANY TOWNS HAVE YOU LIVED? 5

DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? Acquaintances, easily. Real friends, no. I have trust issues.

Anxiety Disorder

Believe me when I tell you, you don't want one. I really thought I was the last person that would ever get one, mainly because very little really scares me. Well, it's not really about fear in that sense, it is about keeping too much emotion inside and not letting yourself deal with it. Everyone "stresses", about money, relationships, etc., but when you are in a constant state of stress with no relief and no outlet for it, you develop a lovely "anxiety disorder". I would always just shove everything aside and tell myself I would "deal with it later". I had to maintain my cool, and I had responsibilities to tend to. However, "later" never really came, and then when big things started happening all at once, I kind of shut down in a sense. Even though I can still function at work, etc., I finally had to face some ugly realities about how much your body (and mind) can take. I'm not (clinically) nuts or emotionally unstable or anything like that (don't laugh), but I'm having to learn to decompress. I can't fix everything. I'm not responsible for other people's behavior. It is OK to tell people how you really feel. It is OK to think about your own needs once in a while.

Having an anxiety attack (for me) is not usually dramatic. In fact, you may not have any clue I'm having one. There have been times of "freaking out", but mostly I just start to feel overwhelmed like I have to get away from everyone and everything. It makes me physically ill sometimes, but it cleverly disguises itself as a headache or nausea.

My therapist has had me doing EEG Biofeedback, which is a cool neurotherapy that sends signals to the brain to calm down. (It's not shock therapy, LOL!) My brain essentially has been "overstimulated", but I am happy to report that the technique is working and I'm chilling out! I also take medication, but I really hate pills and my goal is to get the root of my problems and not just bandaid them.

It is a really interesting and drug-free way to deal with anxiety, so I wrote about this today to help anyone out there who might want an alternative way to approach their stress. I will answer any questions you may have about it, feel free to ask.

OOPS

So, I thought I was being a good girl yesterday by sitting underneath the umbrella table in the shade. I wasn't in the mood to bask in the sun, and it was way too hot anyway. Unfortunately, though, I'm retarded. The sun moves throughout the day (here's where my education comes in) and as it did that, a patch of sunlight would hit my arm or leg periodically. I didn't think much of it. Until this morning. I look like an Italian tablecloth. The top of my left foot is burnt, but not my right. The back of my neck and shoulders are burnt, but not my chest. (Had my hair up.) My right arm is burnt, but not my left, and I'm also "trouting". Trouting is where the top of your forearm is tan (or burnt in my case), and when you turn it over, white as can be. Like a trout. (The fish, you know? Their backs are dark, their bellies are white.) Trouting. Yes. So, in the words of Napoleon Dynamite, "IDIOT!, GOSH!"

This is the best I can come up with today.

Because I'm that damn exciting. I'm in a sucky mood (what's new) and I'm hot and bored. Lou-dog laying in the shade, and Magadog eating ice cubes. Whoop-dee-doo.

Making Plans

So, the vacation is a go! I am feeling blessed! Thank you, GOD! You heard my plea! I can't even tell you how much I need to get away from my life right now. To just chill and relax. I've already made reservations for Maggie (poor Magadog!) to stay at the Paradise Pet Lodge because she just can't handle traveling. I have to take Louie with me because I can't afford to board both dogs, and he doesn't freak out like Maggie does. I will be throwing him into the pool with me, though. I feel bad leaving one behind, but I have no choice. It is a really nice little kennel, though.

Now I just need to get all my work done, train somebody for when I'm gone and get a few tank tops and summer things. I will take lots and lots of pictures and blog via Crackberry. For once, I will have something different to blog about. It will be a nice change, huh?

I can't wait to lay on the beach and go body surfing! Among some other fun things.

I remember #4 now.

Let me explain. #4 was from the last blog post that I could not remember. Here it is. My blog was flagged for "objectionable content" today. LOL! I feel like a bad girl, like I'm running a blog brothel or something. I'm thinking it is due to my colorful language on occasion. Not suitable for children. I, period, am not suitable for children. Just so you know. Although it's weird, when I am around children, they swarm around me like flies. They love me. I have no idea why. I went to see a friend not too long ago and her little girl was pulling me all over the place showing me her toys, wanting me to braid her hair, etc. Now, I'm not a big fan of kids, but I'm a total and complete push over. I get suckered into playing with all the kids while the adults have fun. I'll be sitting in the middle of the floor with them crawling all over me and I'll have this look on my face like "HELP ME PLEASE".

Went to dinner with my mom tonight, and just got home. We were going through 1000's of pictures that she brought back with her from my grandma's house. OMG. I was naked ALL THE TIME as a child. Seriously, they could not keep clothes on me until I was like, 12. I had pure white-blonde hair and a very tan little body. I won't post those, but there are a few not-so-naked pics that had me rolling on the floor. I'll have to do some scanning. You guys will die.

Just a few things.

#1 - I don't do fast food that often, but I found something really yummy. Wendy's spicy chicken go-wraps. MMMM.

#2 - Yes, I am wearing underwear today. I only go commando once in a while when I get behind on laundry.

#3 - Yes, I actually keep my Crackberry in my bra on occasion. I have big boobies and I can fit lots of stuff in there when I'm not carrying a purse. Sometimes people look at me funny when my boobie rings or vibrates and I reach in there and pull out the Crackberry.

#4 - I can't remember what #4 was supposed to be. It will come to me.

Blogger Award

Well, what do you know, I got a blogger award! It's from the very funny, and very sweet "Juice".

I am in a GOOD mood today! Don't fall over. What is going on you say? Well, vacation may be back on! Sometimes complaining DOES work! I'm going to have a big garage sale and sell everything, so I have money for the vacation. Really, the only things I need to survive are: Crackberry, Laptop, Camera, and Ezmerelda (my vehicle). I love my SUV, make fun of me if you want, but its comfy and big, and has leather seats, a butt warmer and a sunroof. 'Nuff said. Anyway, I will put off wanting to die until the end of August.

Here is where I will (hopefully) be staying for free. It's a real hell hole. HA.

One Word MEME from BOA

Where is your cell phone? Bra
Where is your significant other? Unknown
Your hair? Up
Your mother? Skinny
Your father? Heaven
Your favorite thing? Crackberry
Your dream last night? Trouble
Your favorite drink? Mocha
Your dream/goal? Happiness
The room you're in? Cubical
Your hobby? Photography
Your fear? God
Where do you want to be in 5 years? Unknown
Where were you last night? Home
What you're not? Normal
Muffins? Sweater (What? You’ve never heard of sweater muffins? LOL.)
One of your Wishlist items? Vacation
Where you grew up? Redmond
Last thing you did? Internet
What are you wearing? Blue
Your TV? Overused
Your pets? Ornery
Your computer? Laptop
Your life? Rollercoaster
Your mood? Sad
Missing someone? Yes
Your car? Saturn
Something you're not wearing? Underwear
Favorite store? Amazon
Your summer? Disappointing
Like someone? Yes
Your favorite color? Purple
When is the last time you laughed? Tuesday
Last time you cried? Monday

I have some wisdom today.

#1 - Do not ever go the gym angry. Your body will HATE you the next day. I cannot move and it's giving me a headache. Ow.

#2 - If you have misplaced some items and want to find them, here's what you do. Get in your car and drive about 80 miles an hour, then for no reason at all, slam on your brakes. Everything you've lost will come rolling out from underneath the seats. I found my mascara, a book and my water bottle.

I had the day from hell yesterday and was in a REALLY bad mood. Those are really fun. I'm still not in a good way, but I read two nice blog entries today and I was inspired. I'm trying to just keep plugging away, even if there feels like no reason to. I don't know why everything has to be so hard. I feel like I'm being put to some kind of test or something. Really, that's what it feels like. That is the perfect way to describe it. I can't remember what movie it is, but I think it was Charlie Sheen (of all people) who was doing it, maybe Platoon? Anyway, the scene is where he is kneeling and leaning back with his legs underneath him and he has his arms stretched out back behind him with his head tilted toward the sky. He is wailing and screaming, the kind of wailing where the very depth of your soul is crying out. That's what I've been feeling like. The kind of angst where your whole body is reacting. Where you've just had about all you can take of everything. You know the saying that "God won't give you more than you can handle"? God must think I can handle a lot, let me tell you. But I do have a roof over my head, food to eat, a good job and my health (for now). So, I'm blessed more than some. It is easy to feel sorry for yourself, but really, what a waste of time.

Don't get too attached to your money.

Financial chaos is ensuing. The stock market is continuing to tank and so is the dollar. Mark my words. I have no money, so I'm not all in a tizzy over it, but the world is coming unglued everywhere. I'm not even going to bother to post articles. Just turn on the 'censored' news, it's even on there. War with Iran coming? Probably. I'm all positive and cheery today. Just an FYI.

Life is Wonderful?

Remember that wonderful, much needed 2-week vacation in the land of sun and fun I was looking forward to the first two weeks in August? The vacation I was hyped about because I haven't been out of the Seattle area since 2001? The one where I would get two weeks off in A ROW which is something I haven't done in 10 years? Yeah, it's not going to happen. I don't know why I'm surprised. I still have the time off, but there is no point in taking it, because it is all I've got, and I don't want to waste it sitting on my big fat ass doing nothing. I may take a week and clean my home office. Awesome.

That is all I'm going to say about it. Don't ask because I FEEL like driving off a motherfucking cliff right now. I do not care about my cussing. I just don't care. Yup. In a good mood.

Monday Blues

I'm even listening to the blues. Ever heard of Candy Dulfer? ("Lily was Here" is really good.) No one my age has. I'm sure all my friends will be making fun of my eclectic taste in music at any moment, but nevertheless that's what I'm listening to this morning. A little jazz and some blues. I listen to music that goes with my mood. It could be AC/DC, it could be Country, it could be Jazz, or it could be the Blues. Whatever I'm feeling, I like everything. I'm also listening to "When the Lights Go Out" by The Black Keys. It's sexy music to me. Go figure. When I put together my photography site, I think I will use the Black Keys song as the background music, most of my photography has a "dark" element to it, so it would fit.

Herb Garden Project

I got (a little bit) of lead out. I kicked myself in the butt and decided to beautify my herb garden. It needed A LOT of help. I have been neglecting it. I am by no means a gardener, AT ALL. In fact, I am quite the black thumb. However, God as my witness, I'm trying to get better. I do love to cook with fresh herbs, and I inherited my dad's herbs, so I want to preserve them. I completely replanted my bowl in the stand with cilantro and dill, and also replanted and resoiled some parsley and chives. I just cut back and pruned the rest. I even scrubbed all of the pots and cedar planters! I killed the little tree that I got when my dad died, but my mom gave me hers, and I have actually kept it alive! And it's GROWING! So anyway, it took me a few hours, and I destroyed my French manicure, but I got some great before and after shots. I'm proud of myself! I also took a picture of my new bamboo plant. Love it!

I've literally been in bed ALL day.

There is something wrong with me. Who does that? I got up to pee. Let the dogs out. But then I just go right back to bed. I just don't want to deal with anyone or anything. I'm not hungry. I still have a mess to clean up from Friday. Don't want to. Which isn't like me, I can't stand a mess. I'm forcing myself to get up right now. I'm forcing myself to blog. I had nightmares, so it wasn't restful sleep. I guess I should be thankful I got some sleep instead of the insomnia craziness. OK, that's all I've got in me.

It's going around.

I went and helped a friend today, and she is in bad shape like many of the rest of us. I just don't know what is happening, everywhere I turn, someone is going through hell. I got two more emails from friends in "dark places". I am feeling dark myself. I think I took too many anxiety pills yesterday. Someone could have blown up the house and I wouldn't have cared. Being numb is NOT good, though. However, sometimes feeling hopeless is just too much. I came home and collapsed, and I haven't even eaten. The friend I went and helped is feeling very overwhelmed, and I am feeling much the same way with all that is in front of me. The sad leading the sad is worse than the blind leading the blind. It is weird when you are in a funk, no matter how many people you have around you, you still feel alone. I know some of you guys out there are feeling that right now. Intense aloneness. I have no wisdom at the moment.

Sleeping Beauties. I'm so evil.

It's over, and I survived.

Except now I have 4 teenagers crashed out in my living room for the night.

They are watching my horror movies and eating my potato chips. It's kind of funny, you have to step over bodies no matter which way you go. (My house is a whopping 1100 square feet.) Here are a bunch of pics from the day. The dogs were more entertaining than the fireworks. You'll see why.

KABOOM.

My loving stepson just set off an M80 behind me without my knowledge. I almost dropped my Crackberry. NOT FUNNY.

Where's my Klonopin?

My Mother-In-Law brought the decorations and help set up my 4th of July party. My mom came up, and my stepson and his friends are coming later, along with my neighbor. I hope this goes well, I'm nervous.

Happy 4th of July!

I should be straightening up the house right now, but I'm not. Sometimes I don't understand myself. Jump out of a perfectly good airplane with a smile on my face? Sure! Wrestle a dangerous criminal to the ground and arrest him? Bring it! Stand outside jumping up and down with glee during an intense lightning and thunderstorm with metal all around me? Fun! Chase a dine-and-dasher out of a restaurant parking lot and tackle him in my apron? Awesome! Have family and some people I don't know well over for a BBQ on Independence Day? Take an extra anxiety pill and hide in my office blogging. I'm a whack job. Pure and simple. I make no sense. Death? No problem! Family and friends? HELP ME.

I'm sure you'll hear from me periodically throughout the day. I'll be the one in the corner taking pictures playing with her Crackberry. Social anxiety, yup. I do like blowing stuff up, though, and my neighborhood is always WWIII.

My New Crackberry

Yes, I call my Blackberry phone my "Crackberry" because the ADDICTION IS REAL.

Anyway, my boss told me to "get the hell out of here" at 1:30 today to start the holiday weekend early (he is so awesome), so I promptly left since all I was doing anyway was reading my Crackberry manual and doing setup. (I did SOME work, OK? Hardly anyone was there today.) I now am proficient! I went to get a pedicure and while she was making my feet prettier, I was checking email and surfing my favorite blogs, all the while sitting in a massage chair. It was 45 minutes of Heaven, people.

Yeah, I'm one of THOSE people now. The ones you get annoyed with because all they do is sit there completely entranced in their own private technological world, ignoring everyone around them. I'm sure I will get yelled at soon. I am here to say I UNDERSTAND now. Don't you judge me!

One more thing. I have to tell you about Dave the Verizon Wireless guy. Dave is the awesomest customer service representative that I've ever talked to. EVER. I know Dave now. He is a friend. Usually, I want to cancel service when I talk to customer service, but now that I know Dave is out there, I have hope again. First and foremost, he was cheerful and friendly and funny. THEN, even though I was not eligible for any kind of discount, he GAVE ME ONE ANYWAY because he said his best friend (who has brain cancer) lives about 1 mile from me, and Dave wants to take care of all residents of this town. (Dave is local to me, how often does THAT happen?) So, I made out like a bandit. All the while he was setting up my Crackberry order and answering each and every one of my gazillion questions, we chatted about our lives. We even both lost a parent this year and were talking about that! Dave sounded about 22, but he said he was a very immature 43-year-old. I can appreciate that, because as you are all aware, I act 12. After about an hour, Jim asked me who the hell I was talking to. I said, "Dave", and he said, "Who?", and I said, "Dave. The best Verizon Wireless guy on the planet!" Jim rolled his eyes. After I hung up, I cursed at myself because I forgot to give Dave my blog URL. Damnit! Jim said, "There is someone out there who doesn't go to your blog?" Smartass. I WISH there was only one!

Sorry it is not a good pic, but the phone screen has interference and won't cooperate with my camera. But THERE IT IS IN ALL IT'S GLORY.

Wild Stormy Night

The photo is an actual capture of lightning over the Seattle area not far from where I live. The weather has gone nuts. Completely insane. ALL NIGHT LONG, and still isn't finished this morning. You are probably sick of hearing about it, but seriously, this is the best storm I've ever seen. When I got home last night, the lightning was so intense, it was going off every 3 seconds (I counted) in these big, twisted masses of bolts. EVERYWHERE. There would be 4 or 5 bolts going every which way, lighting up the entire sky and blinding me. Being a crazy, fearless, weirdo, I stood outside for hours watching it. It ended up right over the top of us complete with cracking thunder, wind and heavy rain. The dogs were going apeshit. I seriously thought we were going to get a tornado or something, it was that intense. I've never seen lightning like that, and so often, for so long. Needless to say I was too excited to get much sleep, and I couldn't charge up my Crackberry because I didn't want to fry it. We actually lost power briefly.

I have a headache this morning, probably because of the barometric pressure changes, so I'm not happy about that, but it was worth it. I've got the whole night to myself tonight, so I'm thinking about pampering myself. Pedicure, manicure, nice dinner, and maybe a glass of wine while I get proficient at the Crackberry. I will probably be blogging a lot, because you know I have to practice posting with it. My life is not all that exciting, so you may get bored, but I'll try to be creative.

Hey Juice and Hole, I know our plans tonight tanked, but let me know if you have time for a pedicure or something. That could be social and fun. I know something came up for you guys, I'm just sayin' in case.

My heart is broken.

Two of my dear friends are in a bad way. Their last blog posts have me tearing up. I wear my heart on my sleeve and if someone I care about is upset, I don't know what to do. The last thing people want is someone patting them on the back saying it's going to be OK, because I know from experience you just want to punch people in the face. When you are feeling terrible, you are NOT OK and you don't feel like they will EVER be, and you just want to be left alone. I can barely get through each day myself. I know what it feels like to not care whether you live or die, and that life is pointless. Sometimes I don't think I will EVER be happy. EVER. I do understand, but I am still so very sad. Hey, you guys, and you know who you are, just know I'm thinking about you, OK? I'll leave you alone, but I'm here if you need me. For anything.

Crazy like the South

I have lived in the Pacific Northwest since I was about 6 years old, and the weather up here is so vastly different from what it used to be. Tonight, it was like living in the South. My mom and I went to dinner, and it was nice and sunny and bright, about 80 or so degrees. We went inside and as soon as we sat down, it got black and the thunder boomed and it started hailing, then flash flood raining. It was nuts. Then, as quickly as it started, it just stopped. When we left it was sunny and bright again, but I lost my breath when I stepped outside. The humidity was AWFUL. Steam was rising up everywhere and my car windows were all fogged up. We went over to do some shopping at Target (we're big spenders) and it did the same thing. It sounded like the roof was going to come off with how loud the thunder was. When we left the store, it was doing the flash flood raining again so we stood under the store front and waited. Sweat was POURING off of my head into my eyes and ears. So sexy. My hair also frizzed into oblivion, which made me really happy. Anyway, I know that is normal for many of you, but not for us. We don't know how to act. I love storms, so I was all excited. (Except for the humidity, you can have that shit.)

I just got home and my Crackberry came, so I have to go read the manual now and play with my new toy!

This was shared with me today.

Don't know why, but I wanted to post this. You may think it is stupid, but I like it.

The challenge of your life is before you. You have learned well from your failures and from some difficult circumstances. Now you will march forward with integrity of heart and steel for a backbone. Fear will no longer be an issue. Only set your eyes straight ahead without turning to the left or to the right. Gather up all of your courage and lock it into your mind like your crown jewel. A waterfall of boldness will flow over you and this waterfall will continue to flow as long as you keep your strong faith. I will mix with this a strong anointing of Godly wisdom so that you will not only know but you will also understand things as never before. Now, arise and shine.

Internet Apocalypse

Computer no working. Internet no working. CrazyDogMama no working.

Our server was down for the first two hours at work, and no one could do anything. Living in this technological world can sometimes be frightening. I'm so dependent on the internet for sanity. My "Crackberry" is supposed to be arriving today, so now I will REALLY have no life. But CrazyDogMama will have a new toy! As Skwigg calls it, "The Precious".

My hatred for Mosquitos goes to the very core of my soul.

I went for a walk with a friend today at lunch and we stopped at a picnic table in the grass on a trail to rest. I had on a skirt and flip flops. I was attacked by mosquitos. Two bites on my foot, one on my hip and one on each arm. I have tried every remedy known to man to get the ITCHING TO STOP. I have systematically scratched 5 layers of my skin off. At some point I thought rubbing alcohol would be a good idea to put on my OPEN WOUNDS and I went through the roof. Stupidity is fun. I am miserable and quite cranky about it. I eat enough garlic to kill 1000 vampires, so I don't know what the deal is.

You will all be very proud of me!

I am not a crispy critter! I took it easy yesterday and kept going back and forth from the sun to the shade to prevent burning. I kept myself completely soaked with the hose all day and got some nice color. I am just a tad red on my arms, but not bad at all. I haven't worked on getting a tan for several years trying to save my skin, but I really want one this year.

I have a booked schedule again this week. July is going to be nuts since I'm taking the first two weeks of August off. I haven't taken two weeks off in a row for like, 10 years. More info on that later.

Bain De Soleil

I just slathered my body up with Bain De Soleil. It smells so good and brings back smell-memories of my childhood Summers in California. I'm going to go out under the fireball now to become a good-smelling lobster in approximately 10 minutes. I have the hose out and will be periodically dumping it over my head. Whatever works, right?