Have you ever noticed?

Change is inevitable, but much of the time the things you WANT to change, don't, and the things you DON'T WANT to change, do?

My alarm is supposed to go off at 6 am. I've been up since 5 am, and not because I am excited to go work. What is wrong with me? Why do I have so much trouble sleeping? When I was a kid, I could sleep anywhere, anytime. My parents were on a bowling league, and I even fell asleep at the bowling alley. It's only been the last couple of years that this sleeping thing has been a problem, and I've been stressed out longer than a couple of years. I can't get certain things off of my mind, yet I can't really concentrate on any one thing for too long. Its maddening! The really strange thing is, I LOVE to sleep. You'd think it would be easy for me since I love it so much. I get all cuddled up in my blankies with the fuzz-butts and I feel safe and warm. I guess I'm good with naps, but the nighttime thing just doesn't work anymore.

Everybody Loves Raymond

I didn't really watch it when it was on the air, but "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a damn funny show. I've been watching reruns and DYING from laughter at some of the scenes. There is some good writing for that show.

Best Moment #1: When Raymond is the only witness to his brother Robert's newest girlfriend eating a fly. You have to watch the whole episode, because the best part is toward the end when Raymond is trying to explain to his wife Debra and brother what he saw. OMG, it's hilarious.

Best Moment #2: (One of the reasons I don't have children.) Ray's wife brought an "unapproved" snack to their daughter's T-ball game and when she was reprimanded, she got mad and refused to bring the right kind of snack next week. Not supporting his wife making a point, Ray sneaks in some "approved snacks" and gives it to the weenie dad when Debra leaves for a moment. The dad is trying to thank Ray and doesn't know Debra doesn't know, and in fear of Debra getting really mad, Ray freaks out. I had to keep rewinding this scene.

Train Tunnels & Ice

*Before I get into this, I have to tell you that I have received a HUGE amount of crap for deleting my "Turn On's" post so quickly, so for the 100th time, I'M SORRY! BOA, I promise to not care about what anyone thinks anymore.

Now, as most of you know, I don't sleep well. I either sleep too much, or don't sleep at all. Well, last night was no exception, but it was the sleep for 2 hours, then wake up for 2 hours, on repeat. During those brief slumber periods, though, I must have hit REM sleep because I had some bizarre dreams. Most of the time people either have nonsensical dreams, or just random subconscious dreams. Me? I have premonition and "vision" dreams, vivid "epic" dreams with plots and development, and ones I call "must be a product of my therapy" or symbolic of emotions dreams. I think the dreams I had last night were the symbolic emotion kind.

"The Train Tunnel Dream"
I was in a train tunnel. It wasn't a very long tunnel, and it smelled like a cow pasture. There were a few others in the tunnel with me, no one I recognized, just random faces. Every few seconds, a really fast train would come flying through the tunnel at a warp speed. Sparks would fly as it cornered the rails on its way out of the tunnel. We would all have to smash ourselves up against the wall each time the train came through to avoid getting run over. Every time I tried to make a run for it to get out of the tunnel, I heard the roaring of the train coming and had to slam up against the wall again. My truck was parked just outside the tunnel, and I was trying to get to it, but was having no luck. The train almost hit the truck every time it cornered, and I would hold my breath because it was my only ticket out of there. As you can imagine I was frustrated and agitated. I was trapped and could see a way out but couldn't quite get there. After many attempts to run or just inch my way along, I finally looked at the other people and said, "Fuck it!", I'm out of here, if I get run over, I get run over. A man standing next to me grabbed my shoulder and said, "WAIT", have patience. I looked over at him and said, "Have you met me? I'm Cheryl, and I have zero patience." He just laughed but held on to my shoulder. I sighed and felt the wind of the damn train go by again. It was LOUD. The man told me that there was a pattern to the trains, and if we could figure it out, then we could escape without harm. Unfortunately, that's all I remember.

"The Ice Dream"
The other dream I remember was a little funny. I had been driving trying to find a place and was a little lost. I was with two other people, a couple. I didn't like them for some reason, and they didn't like me. We stopped at some cafe somewhere for something to eat and we were all drinking sodas; me regular coke, and them diet cokes. I got up to refill mine and they slid their cups over to me so that I could refill theirs too. I was annoyed but picked them up anyway. I went over to the soda dispenser and started getting ice for all of the cups. Ice went EVERYWHERE, and I mean everywhere. It was shooting out all over the floor and piling up. I just kind of stood there watching it happen. The couple were looking at me shaking their heads as if saying "she can't even fill sodas". The ice wouldn't stop, and I just started to crack up.

I need a dream interpreter!

Another MEME.

Aren't you guys sick of these yet?

Like you don't know enough about me already. Some of my readers don't have blogs and I never get to tag them with these things and therefore don't get to know anything. I don't know how many of these I can even answer right now, but I'll give it a shot.

1. Favorite Person - I like Hole's answer: My Soulmate. It's a weird term, though, do you think those really exist, or is it just your special someone that you connect with?
2. Favorite Food - Steak.
3. Quirks about you - OMG. You tell me. I am one big quirk.
4. How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? I don't know. I hope it would be good things.
5. Any regrets in life? - Yup.
6. Favorite charity/cause - The CrazyDogMama charity/cause. We like donations, compliments and comments.
7. Favorite Blog - I don't have just one. I love all my peeps.
8. Something you can't get enough of - Um, let's not go there.
9. Worst job you ever had - Bookkeeper for "Cucina Cucina". My boss was a dickhead and when I went up against him for harassment, he fired me, and no one would listen to me. Fuckers.
10. What job would you pay NOT to have - I don't know.
11. If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be? - I can't say.
12. Bible verse? There are lots of them.
13. Guilty pleasure - Massages and iced mochas.
14. Got any confessions? - Yeah, like I'm going to tell you.
15. If you had $1000 to spend on YOURSELF, what would you spend it on? - Right now? Either a new laptop or a plane ticket out of town.
16. Favorite thing about your house - My red wall.
17. Least favorite thing - I'm assuming about my house? It is too small. If you turn around, you run into yourself.
18. One thing you are bad at - Getting what I want.
19. If you could change one thing about your current circumstances, what would it be? - I'm not talking about that.
20. Who would you like to meet someday? - Some of my readers. Yogagirl (we almost got to!), KS, Otter.
21. What makes you feel sexy? - When people make me feel good about myself.
22. Who is your real-life hero? - All of our soldiers.
23. What is the hardest part of your job? - When I have nearly impossible deadlines.
24. When are you most relaxed? - I'm never relaxed.
25. What stresses you out? - Everything.
26. What can you NOT live without - Love, sex, food.
27. Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists? - Who cares. I'm a narcissist! Cool!
28. Why do you blog? - I like the attention and I love to write.
29. Who are you tagging? - All my readers that have not done so already, with blogs or not.

Chaos

I have been pulling out my hair since 6 am this morning. I'm having computer/internet problems and I don't handle that well. I haven't done anything but sit in my office like a crazed animal. I think there is a big outage or problem somewhere because many of the sites I frequent are "down". I need to eat, I need to bathe, I need to comb my hair, I need to get out of my T-shirt and underwear. AAHH! Help me!

You want a picture of me crazed out? It's not pretty. Regarding your "Knights in Shining Armor" comment, Hole? Mine needs to come equipped with excellent computer skills and the ability to woo me away from the computer. LOL.

The eyes are the window to the soul.

I bought some blue eyeliner. Try to hold back your enthusiasm. I have been using either reddish-brown or black for about 15 years now and I was at Macy's and thought, hey, blue! I've got blue eyes, what the hell. I've decided that I can't really tell the difference. Perhaps I just can't see that well anymore. Well, at any case, here are my eyeballs. Wrinkles, imperfections, and all. The 10-megapixel camera really picks up those details. Gah.

Have I gone soft?

Nah, I'm still feisty, passionate and playful, don't you worry. I was just embarrassed a little. Sometimes when I express myself, I think it makes some people uncomfortable. They don't quite know what to think. Oh well, too bad for them. I have to go marinate my chicken now - I'm putting together a big spread.

Maybe I should have left the poll up longer.

Sorry y'all.

My intention was not to be crude or unladylike or anything like that, and I certainly didn't want to "scare" anyone. I do that enough on a regular basis. LOL. (I thought my answers were nice and normal!) I just wanted to be fun and different. If you still want to play, please comment your "turn-ons" for me, anonymously if you prefer. Juice, you can repost your witty comment here, I would be honored.

You have to forgive me; I am going through a very hard time in my life. My therapy has become very intense and I'm just trying to embrace life a little. I haven't been able to do that in a long time.

My fans are clearly not ready for my polls.

Went and saw "The Strangers". I liked its intensity and fear-factor, but there were some holes in the plot, you know, the victims making dumb choices. Fun to go see, not too much gore, more "the killer is right behind you creeping around" kind of stuff. There were way too many teenagers in the audience, which of course irritates me to no end. They were surprisingly quiet during the movie (for the most part), I think because the movie has a lot of "intense silence".

Since it was based on true events, that made it more disturbing, otherwise it would have been so-so. None of you care, huh?

NOTE: During the previews, a teenager behind us was confused on why Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City is so popular, because she has a "horse face". HAHA! Sorry girls, I couldn't even sit through one episode of that garbage, to me it should be called "Whores in the City".

The Death Shirt

Would anyone care if I stopped posting? I need a hug. Maybe I can get BOA and Big Pissy to come on over and discuss the LOST finale with me, and anyone else that watches it. (I know you are out there! All of you lurkers need to speak up!) They FINALLY answered some questions, I was thrilled. There are 200 unanswered ones, but still. The space-time continuum thing is still a little confusing, but we know who is in the coffin now. And what about Jin? We saw that flash-forward that didn't make any sense. Well, now we wait until January. ARG.

I also miss Jack Bauer. I'm so not happy that "24" is not on this year because of the stupid strike. Don't you all think we need a "David Palmer" for president? Egads, is it just me that fears for this country right now? I HATE talking politics on my blog because it just invites heated arguments and hate mail and all the things that make we want to hide, but I just can't stand ANY of the candidates. I'm sorry if you love one of them, but I just don't see good things. I guess I don't see good things in any politician these days. I did like Reagan. OK, enough of that.

I'm going to go see "The Strangers" tonight come hell or high water. I've been seeing so many movies lately. Before the last few weeks, it had been like a year since I went to the movies. Do any of you know anything about "Poultrygeist"? Yes, that's POULTY, not POLTER. OMG, Google it. You will die.

I am also wearing the "death shirt" today. I am not a superstitious person, but this is ridiculous. The last 3 times I wore this shirt, someone died. Including my dad and father inlaw. I was never going to wear it again, but it was the only thing clean. PLEASE DON'T DIE TODAY, OK?

I'm all over the place on this blog entry today, sorry. Too much coffee, I guess.

Iron Man

My company surprised us with "Iron Man" tickets today (the movie). Just got back. Not usually my type of thing, but I was impressed! It was pretty good. It was most definitely better than working. What did you all do today?

Life is too short.

I had a really good time last night with my friends. When I got home it was a little weird, but I'll save that for later.

You wouldn't think that coming to realizations that "life is too short" would be difficult, but some of us struggle with that. I have lots of life to live, and I intend on getting right on that! I must stop being so bunged up about things. No, Cheryl was not abducted by aliens, it's really me, hi!

I'm not sure yet, but I just got wind that my company may be doing something fun this afternoon. I'm liking the sound of that.

More fun nights out, please!

We dished. I had wine. Probably too much. I could be drunk blogging. I went back to work briefly to sober up for a few minutes since it's an hour drive home. (Hence the blogging.) I will probably regret posting these pics tomorrow, but this is my recommendation to you of what to do when you are sobering up at 9:30 pm at your cubical in a building by yourself. I am feeling pretty darn good right now, and not just because of the wine. It was really great to talk to my girly friends. I think I might be getting somewhere with my inner turmoil, all I needed was time to assess, time in therapy, time with friends and a little alcohol. It's not all that simple really, it takes (and will take) time to make big changes, and even some small ones, but sometimes this little light goes on above your head. Then you feel free and hopeful again and people suddenly look at you and say, "Good for you!"

Better Late than Never!

OK, so it's been a little more than an hour, I got busy at work. Now I'm trying to scarf down lunch of curry chicken soup and popcorn. Is that weird? Don't answer that.

The positive part of the post is this: I get to have drinks/apps with some girly friends tonight, and just got word that we can go a little earlier and make happy hour! I don't get out often, so I get excited about the little things. I hear wine and antipasto calling my name.

Last night, I got to spend the evening by myself, picked myself up a personal pizza and curled up with my buddy the internet and watched a little TV. I think there was something wrong with the pizza, though, because it came back up. I won't be eating pizza for a while. TMI? Sorry. You're the dummy that reads this blog. That's all I've got. For now.

A Little Melancholy

You should be used to this by now. I'm feeling like my life is in "limbo". Have you ever felt that way? Waiting, like a spring ready to be sprung. Not going backward, but not going forward either. Fear of the unknown? Waiting for the planets to be aligned correctly? I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing, or what to do next sometimes. It's like nothing is changing on the outside, but there are big ones happening on the inside. I'm missing my dad today, too. I wish I could talk to him, get his advice on some things. Go out to our favorite Thai food joint that my mom refused to go to, and just talk about everything. He was always so worried about me, yet proud of me at the same time. He would tell me to pull my head out of my ass. (LOL!), but in a loving way, though. This time last year we were fishing, and it was so sweet. He had shown me over a million times how to put my fishing pole together (rigging) based on the terrain of the water, but I just could never get it right. So, he would do it for me. Then I would catch all the fish and he would spend the day getting them off the hook for me instead of watching his own pole. I miss him so much.

This is how my day is going.

I can't help but laugh at these things. First, one of my co-workers is REALLY mad at me. I just gave him back a gigantic package of complicated engineering drawings because I found errors. He asked me if we could "let it slide this once?". I said no. (Hey! It's my job!) I didn't get promoted because I "let things slide". Several engineers around his cubical were rolling in laughter because they know it will take him forever to fix it.

Second, my skirt is really long, and when I roll around in my chair from one side of my cubical to the next, the skirt gets caught in the wheels and yanks it off my hips. OOPS. I'm paranoid it's going to rip and then what will I do? I have it hiked up around my thighs right now and I'm hoping to God no one comes up behind me without my knowledge. I'm just a complete mess, aren't I?

It's a blog-a-thon today. I'm feeling chatty.

This brings me back.

Our company gave out iPods a few years ago to all the employees, so everyone has iTunes on their computer and we "share" our music. I was looking through someone's selection and found "Angel" by Aerosmith. LOL! I remember being a teenager wanting a guy to feel that way about me so bad. Isn't that funny? Rockers trying to do love songs cracks me up, but still. Silly, huh? Ah, youth.

Mysterious Peasant Girl

Back at the cubical for a fun-filled day of engineering drawings, a therapy session and traffic. Good times. I'm wearing my relatively new "peasant skirt" today and people always remark on it. They say things like, "Pretty colors!" or "Look at you!". It's nice, of course, but it's funny to me. I'm usually wearing black pants, so it is noticeable when I change it up, I guess. I was going to take a pic of my lovely bruise, but it's a little too "revealing", so I decided against it. I took a pic of my skirt instead. I feel like Holly Hobbie or Laura Ingalls or something. Hehe. One other thing. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but my bra is DRIVING ME CRAZY. It's itchy and I want to just yank it off! I hate it when they are pokey. I probably shouldn't go braless at work though.

Scary after 9 pm.

At least it will be a short week having Monday off. Other than doing some stretching this morning, I have been a complete sloth today. I'm hungry, but everything that sounds good, we don't have. I don't want to go out because it is scary in this town after 9 at night, especially if you bathe and have all of your teeth. (I live in a very small mountain town and there are some scary locals.) I watched "Black Snake Moan" again (I like that movie) and spent a good chunk of the afternoon trying to fix my computer. OMG how frustrating that can be! But what do you know? I ACTUALLY fixed it! I am in utter shock. I actually figured it out! I was panicking because my computer is my life blood. If I can't check my email, blog, surf the internet and fiddle with my photos, I will lose my mind. I am so proud of myself.

I'm not feeling tired at all. I feel a "Sleepless in Seattle" night coming on.

Fakin' the Funk to Facilitate the Fraud

Caveman wants to know what this means, and he is the ONLY one who gave me a suggestion on what to write, so kudos to you KS! The rest of you are buttmunches.

I have to warn you, this is really deep. LOL. I didn't come up with it. Jim said it one day and I just looked at him and said, "What?". It sounded funny to me. Stringing all the "F's" together like that. He had a friend in the Army that was African American, and he said, "Fakin' the Funk" all the time as to mean "Trying to be cool while actually being cheesy or dorky." (That fits me, huh?) Jim later added "to Facilitate the Fraud" to mean "to cover up all the bullshit".

I have always thought that in keeping a blog, you could just be anyone you wanted to be and talk about life in exactly what manner you wanted. You know, make yourself sound so great! I thought that it would be the perfect title phrase because most blogs are full of fluff and stupid crap. (It also makes people scrunch up their face and say, "What?", which is funny.) Now, while my blog is definitely full of stupid crap, unfortunately for me, I have been known to spill my guts and am honest like an idiot. No, I don't reveal my entire life, because there are other people's feelings to consider, but I have a hard time being fake or phony. On the internet it is hard to know who a 'real' person is. But from me, what you see (or hear) is pretty much what you get.

So, no, I'm far from a gangster. (LOL, I can't believe you actually said that!) I'm just a dorky white girl who can't even be fake enough to be someone great on a blog.

It's funny to me that you think I'm mysterious. Is that the only mystery for you, or is there something else that puzzles you? I guess I should take it as a compliment, don't girls want to be mysterious? I don't even know. I think YOU are the mysterious one, KS.

Thanks for all the suggestions!

Yes, it's sarcasm.

OK, maybe I'm being a little sensitive. I am a tormented soul, though, so you have to tread lightly with me. I did nothing today. Just moped around like usual. I found another movie I am excited about. Good movies are hard to come by. Juice will especially like it. "The Strangers". Who wants to go see it with me? I'll share my popcorn with you. It's always more intense when you know it's based on a true story. Maybe I could get one of my old cop friends to find out the grisly details and find how "loosely" it is based. With Hollywood you never know. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was based on true events in Wisconsin with no chainsaw. (Ed Gein) See, this is what happens when you don't give me any ideas about what to write about.

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!

(Yes, I am Gomer Pyle.) I actually slept. I don't believe it. I thought for sure I'd be up pacing. More interesting dreams, but I'm sure you are sick of hearing about my dreams. I don't know what to write. I'm going to think about it and come back, OK? Any ideas? Anything you want me to write about? Let me know.

Movies and other stuff.

Went to see Indiana Jones today, it was great fun! None will ever top the first one, but it was fun. They paid homage to the first movie quite a few times, which was awesome, and I love that Marion was in it. Even as old as he is, Harrison still has it. There were some serious over-the-top moments, but all-in-all I liked it. I ate way too much popcorn, though. I didn't used to like popcorn, but since they came out with all of those popcorn seasonings, I'm totally into it. While at the theater, I saw a poster for a new M. Night Shyamalan movie called "The Happening". Looks interesting.

That will probably be all the fun I will have for the rest of the weekend. I'm broke, bloated, bruised and wiped out. Woke up at 6 am this morning. It's SATURDAY. I got up and made eggs benedict because I couldn't get back to sleep. So now its nap time. This means I won't sleep tonight and most likely rant to you about it on the blog here.

Really stupid pictures of me.

It's Friday night and this is how lame I am, I am organizing all the pictures I have on my computer. I have pictures everywhere all over the place and it's driving me nuts. I came across some that just made laugh. I thought you all might get a good chuckle, too.

#1 Me getting out of my work uniform in the employee bathroom after waiting tables at Morgan's. My friend Patty thought it would be funny to hang this picture on the bulletin board in the office. It was super. Look at the dorky look on my face! At least I was tan.

#2 I was trying to get a picture of my hair highlights. This is me back in 2004 at my old job. Is it just me, or do I look freaky?

#3 Me trying on hats at a street fair. I thought the purple velvet one with the white flower looked good. Yeah.

#4 OK, first, what the hell was I thinking with the SOCKS? Let's not talk about my ass here. Just leave that alone. I was camping with a bunch of friends and Edwin is the one carrying me. And NO, he was NOT my boyfriend. Never was. Just a friend.

#5 Finally, this is me at the police academy at the shooting range. I got yelled at here for my bad form. I was really determined to be a badass, but I still run from spiders. I also got shot in the leg that day. Well, I caught a ricochet bullet. It was neat. Makes you have great faith in our law enforcement personnel and justice training centers, no? We will not discuss the spandex shorts over black tights. We will NOT.

I have lost my brain, anyone seen it?

Yesterday I suddenly got dumped on at work after a slow start to the week, and of course Thursday and Friday are the busy days this week so I can't take off early for the holiday weekend. Story of my life. I'm running around headless, not only at work, but at lunch. I hate running errands at lunch, but the highway I live off of backs up for 50 miles from people going over the pass for Memorial Day, so I need to jam straight home, or I won't get there until midnight. I don't know when I'm going to get to see Indiana Jones, perhaps a matinee tomorrow? I need to watch Louie right now and don't want to leave him for too long. He is doing better and has his appetite back.

I just finished bashing my ass. I'm serious. I took a corner too quick and clipped a desk with my hip/butt. I'm sure it will be a huge black and purple bruise and don't be surprised if I post a picture of it, because, you know, that's what I do. For your entertainment. You're welcome. Speaking of my butt, it is really getting smaller. I have had to pull my slacks up to my bra today to keep them on. Yes, I know, very sexy. Lean meat, veggies, fruit smoothies with protein powder and tons of water, plus pumping iron and boxing. Can't have loose skin! No way, no how!

Update on Louie

The vet called and said Lou-bear was doing better. They hydrated him and he hasn't lost his bloody bowels for a while. His bloodwork and other tests came back negative, so they gave him a shot of penicillin and will be sending him home with some special food and antibiotics. They still don't know exactly what's wrong, but they are hopeful it will pass. I'm breathing again. I still have the rest of my life to sort out, but I'm breathing. No more death and sickness, please. Thank you.

I need to go home and love on the little guy. I am the only one who REALLY loves him. I'm the dogmama. I think anyone else would have taken his ornery ass to the pound by now. But not me. Not me.

Not Good.

Lou is really sick. He vomited on the way to the vet and pooped blood all over the vet's floor. They don't know what is wrong and are keeping him for observation. The bill is exponentially climbing, and I don't know what they will do when I tell them I can't pay it all today. I'm fucked. In so many ways. I want to cry, and I can't because I'm at work, and I am insanely busy, of course. Then there is this. The one thing in the world I want (and need) most seems far away and out of my reach. I had therapy today and now that I've been seeing her for a while and she knows me well, she is telling me about some tough choices/actions I have to take in my life if I want to get better, or be happy, that are really hard for me. We seemed to have kicked the "I can't lose weight" problem, so I guess she knows what she is doing. I'm sorry Annie, I can't make nacho night, I'm a mess. Next week? I'm so sorry and thank you for the invite, it means a lot. If Louie dies or stays sick, I'm going to lose it. I'm just not strong anymore. To top everything off I just got into an argument with Jim. Nice. This is all just too fucking much.

They want to see Lou right away at the vet.

This is panic face.

Lou is going to the vet at 1:30. I hope my boy is OK. I love him more than I love most people. There is so much other drama right now that this is not good. Sorry I can't talk about the other stuff on my blog. The screaming girl in my "Wordless Wednesday" photo compilation is quite apropos at the moment. Keep me in your thoughts today, I have much on my mind. Life is weird and changing and I'm having trouble handling it. I need my Louie to be OK, I really, really do.

I'm crazy out-of-my-mind worried!

This has been a shit week for me personally so far, and now Louie is sick. Louie is 9 years old and he has NEVER had anything wrong with him. Last night he didn't eat, which has never happened, he usually tries to eat the bowl along with the food. So that was my first freak out. Then, I noticed him pooping a lot. He has pooped 5 times in 24 hours and there is BLOOD IN IT. The vet doesn't open for another 2 hours and I'm going nuts. I love Lou like he is my kid and I'm running low on money. Hopefully they will take payments. What is wrong with my Lou-bear? What happened to my dog?

Wordless Wednesday

I Heart Indy!

Is anyone else excited for the new Indiana Jones movie? I am. "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was my absolute FAVORITE movie as a kid. I went to the theater like, 100 times to see it. I will be in line tomorrow night, baby!

For K.S.

As a comparison. "Bertha Butt" vs. "Ayla".

Decompressing

I thought my eyeball was going to explode earlier. You know those headaches that are right behind your eye? I could barely see out of my right eye. When I get upset, I carry all of my tension in my neck and shoulders, and it KILLS and gives me a monster headache. It has settled down a bit and I'm drinking a huge glass of the best tea on the planet. Aveda tea. I'm not much of tea person, but this stuff just rocks. Drinking caffeine this late won't help my insomnia, but I guess it doesn't matter. I couldn't eat dinner with my headache, but I have no appetite either. Speaking of which, I'm dropping weight like a mo' fo'. Don't worry, though, I eat good. I guess I finally just got the right inspiration. I'm going to go draw a hot bath now. Sweet dreams y'all.

Extremely Important Information

I bought a new lipstick. I almost gave up bothering with lipstick because I end up licking it off and have to keep reapplying it every 10 minutes, but while I've got this whole 'making changes' thing going on, I thought it was important for you all to know about this event. It is called "Electric Spice". Yeah, baby. That's me. I tried very hard to capture the essence of the lipstick (it tastes good!) but no matter what I do, I look like a dork. I also look quite tired. Gah. When I look at this picture, I want to flick my nose. I'm sorry you can't see the color very well. I tried. Big Kiss!

What Moves Me

You probably don't care what moves me, but I'm going to write about it anyway. My blogs go all over the place, don't they? Keeps things interesting.

I am very eclectic when it comes to music. I like just about everything. Rock 'n Roll, Country, Jazz, Alternative, classical, there are even a few rap songs I like. It just depends on my mood. There is a band, though, that has incredible lyrics that really mean something to me. They always have a way of either saying how I'm feeling inside, or express things in a way I can't find the words for. Their songs move me. They are a Christian band called "Jars of Clay". Never heard of them, right? Most people haven't. Well, this may bore you, but if you want to get inside my head, read these lyrics. (They are actually pretty heavy.)

"Frail"

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be...
I would be...

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be…
I would be...
I would be...FRAIL

“I need you”

Strangely out of place
There's a light filling this room
Where none would follow before
I can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt
Away my pride
Do I want shelter from the rain
Or the rain to wash me way?

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for

I might sound like a fool
But I think I felt you moving
Closer to me
Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
I feel you lift me up
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

Face to the ground
To hide the fatal cut
I fight the weight
Feel you lift me up
Can't deny it burns me up inside
I fan the flames to melt away
My pride

Only had a second to spare
But all the time in the world
To know you're there
You are the shelter from the rain
And the rain to wash me away

I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
I need you, I need you, I need you
(All I'm living for)
& I need you, I need you, I need you
You're all I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
All I'm living for
You're all I'm living for

“The Eleventh Hour”

Trace the shape of my heart,
till it becomes more familiar to your eyes
I've been lost without you,
cold without your love
It's taken days and nights to realize

Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

Take the place of my heart,
till I become a stranger to my life
I've been down without you,
wrong without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

Rescue me from hanging on this line
I won't give up on giving you a chance to blow my mind
Let the eleventh hour quickly pass me by
I'll find you when I think I'm out of time

I've been wrong without you,
cold without your love
In time will I be what you're thinking of?

“Flood”

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Absolute Perfection

It is 78 degrees out with a delicious breeze. I'm sitting at the umbrella table drinking a fuzzy martini, reading. Jim is mowing the lawn (this works, huh ladies?) The dogs are rolling in the grass. I love it when they do that because it means they're happy.

CrazyDogMama's Fuzzy Martini: 1 part vodka, 1 part peach schnapps, 3 parts fresh OJ with pulp. Shaken, not stirred! YUM.

Can't you just hear it, copa, copacabana...

People Amaze Me

All week there have been warnings NOT to swim in the rivers this weekend because we were to have record breaking temperatures that would melt the huge snowpack we had this year and spill into the rivers making them extremely dangerous. So, what do people do? Swim in the rivers. Put their kids in the rivers. What is WRONG with everybody? I just finished watching the news where they were reporting on the many deaths that occurred yesterday while our temps went into the 90's and all the heart-stopping cold, fast-moving rivers are now flooding. DUH. This is where I'm glad I'm not a cop anymore because pulling bodies out of the river on a Sunday would just piss me off. I don't think I've ever written about my law enforcement days, have I?

I want a new prison bitch name.

This blog has been entirely too serious and depressing lately, so I'm going to get over myself and go with this.

Hot Hole and Juicy Ass (my awesome girly friends 'Hole' and 'Juice') have great prison bitch names and mine is supposed to be "Busty Lips". What the hell kind of name is that? For short, 'Busty?' 'Lips?' Gay. You all have to help me with this because it is of the utmost importance. Some of you may resist this process because you might think you are proper and nice and stuff, but you aren't. You are as ridiculous as the rest of us, you just have to let your inner freak out. Trust me, everyone should have a prison bitch name. I'm open to all ideas. CrazyDogMama is NOT a prison bitch name. Just so you know.

Jim came in while I was typing this. His idea is "Busty Scoops", "Scoops" for short. I have never heard breasts referred to as "Scoops" before, but I guess you learn something new every day. Let's hear it peeps, come on.

Vets, Pedicures and Warmness

Woo! It's hot out there! I had to get up before God this morning to take the damn dogs to the vet for their annuals. Let me tell you what an ordeal THAT was. I do not have normal dogs. Nothing about my life can be normal. They are complete maniac freaks. I think the vet is really glad to see us go. The dogs are healthy, but I need a valium now. Oh, and when did it start costing $250 for the vet?? I will be living in a box soon.

However, I did manage to scrape up some fundage for a pedicure. Pedicures rock. They are orgasmic. I'm sure you all know this, but I thought it must be mentioned. My footses are all purdy now! It's funny, Jim HATES feet, and I mean HATES. He says I'm really lucky that I have "cute little feet". LOL. Yes, lucky me. I should probably be doing something in the nice weather instead of blogging, huh? I'll get right on that.

A Great Drive Home

Once I get out of traffic-nightmare-Redmond, my drive home can be quite nice. It is 84 degrees out today and I decided to take all the back roads home so that I could chill. You know, because I really NEED to chill. There is hardly any traffic on them because you only really know about them if you are a local to the boonies like I am.

I opened all my windows, put my sunglasses on, let out my ponytail and let my hair fly up through the sunroof. (It's always a mess anyways.) I didn't turn on the radio and I turned my phone off. One of the backroads I took is SO GORGEOUS. It is probably where the serial killers bury all their bodies, but it is breathtaking, nonetheless. It is a winding road with lots of overhanging trees and shrubbery, and it follows the river. I loved the silence and the warm air. It gave me a chance to just think and fantasize and relax. I should really do this more often. I love to drive when I don't have to deal with stupidity and traffic. If I had taken my camera with me, I think I would have pulled over and snapped a few shots. Oh well. Next time. It's time to relax on the back patio with a beverage now. Who cares if I am on all cold medicines known to man?

Back at Work

After a nice fever of 101 and sleeping all day, I'm back at work. I'm feeling a little better today, the fever broke and now I just feel like a mac truck hit me. I'm sure I look like a million bucks today, too. On top of all of that, I started my period. (Time for all my male readers to cringe.)

Anyway, at least its Friday and I got my stimulus check today. Hooray! Sorry economy, I'm paying bills with it. I have no choice. Well, I guess buying some clothes qualifies, right? I'm leaving early today because I can. It's slow, I've been sick and what better excuses are there? Perhaps sitting in the sun will make me feel better.

Wordless Thursday Night

Sick

The weather people, starting yesterday, said 80's! For the next 4 days! So, what happens? I get sick. Perfect. I am just now coming out of my NyQuil coma. My head is pounding, I have a fever, my body aches and I generally want to die. There is nothing to eat in this damn house, and I actually have an appetite. We have peanut butter and jelly, but no bread. Neat. Jim is at his mom's. I'm sitting here wrapped up in a blanket looking out at the sunshine. This sucks.

Another Vivid Dream

This is an odd, but curious one. Thought I would share because I know how you all come running to your computers every day wondering what the crazy broad has to say next.

I was standing still, far away, but looking out between two different scenes. To my left it was night, a dark and foreboding city with lightning and thunder. When the lightning struck, it lit everything up for a second, but would then go dark again. When it lit up it was a fantastic sight and it was hard to pull my eyes away, well, because you know how I feel about storms, but I was tentative about it. To my right it was day, very bright and sunny and warm with this beautiful light-colored sand. When the sun would catch it just right, the sand would sparkle. I could not tell if the sand was a vast desert, or if it was leading to a beach because there was a hill, and I couldn't see over the hill. The sand was so pretty, but at the same time it seemed sad, empty and barren except for the sparkles. Like it was waiting for me to come running into it and bury my toes into it. Again, though, I was tentative because I couldn't see over the hill.

I kept standing there, looking back and forth, but here is the really cool part of the dream. I was wearing a new red dress. The wind was blowing, and my dress was swooshing around. I was barefoot, though, no sexy Italian stilettos. My toes were painted red to match the dress, however. Details are always important. LOL.

So, what do you think about that, huh? Pretty bizarre, right?

Then I laughed really, really hard.

I've been a little in the dumps lately. This is where you all collectively say, "NOOOOO, really? We didn't even notice!"

We were trying to watch sitcoms tonight and I was apparently in a zombie-like state staring at the wall. Jim kept asking me what was wrong, and I just said I don't want to watch this, I'm cranky and bored. So, trying to cheer me up, he flipped through the guide and found "Mega Disasters". "Here, honey." he said, "This should cheer you up." I gave him the stink eye, but smiled because it was pretty funny.

I got up to go to the kitchen and get water, and he followed me. I told him to say something nice to me. He thought for a minute and decided to sing me the very happy and cheerful "My Favorite Things" song, except it came out like this, "Snow drops on kittens, and mittens on something." I looked up confused and blinking and said, "What the hell are snow drops?" Then we both erupted into hysterics. I don't know why, but it just struck me really funny. My stomach actually hurt afterwards because there was a moment where I couldn't breathe from laughing. I guess you had to be there, but truly, it was that funny.

Ramblings

I was going to title this post "Ticking Timebomb Tuesday", but I thought you may be tired of me telling you that one of these days everyone is going to know exactly how I feel about everything. Whether you want to know or not. I have all these emotions bubbling around inside and I'm trying to be a mature, healthy adult about it, but you just never know when I'm going to tell you how full of shit you are and that I'm moving to Jamaica leaving everything behind except my laptop, favorite pair of flip flops, and sunglasses, (you know, the important things in life) where I will live in a hut, walk around naked all day long, swim under waterfalls, go ziplining and live happily ever after. If you only knew how close I am. Reality is what you make it. Everyone has been getting on my case lately, so forgive me.

On a different note, I have been watching a really cool new series. Well, I don't know how new it is, but it's called "A Haunting" and it's on the Discovery Channel. (You know you're getting old when all you mostly watch is animal planet, the Discovery Channel and the History Channel.) It's about true tales of the paranormal. It's quite creepy and if these people really are telling the truth, well DAMN. Anyway, if the subject interests you, I highly recommend it. It is WAY better than Ghost hunters or Paranormal State, both of which bore and irritate the hell out of me.

So, that is all I can think of for the moment. Maybe you'll hear from me later today. Oh, and by the way, the death toll from yesterday's earthquake in China is up to 20K now. How terrible.

Bad News

If you are squeamish, don't watch the news tonight.

A 7.9 magnitude earthquake in China has killed 9000+ people so far, and there has been a huge tornado outbreak in the US. Yikes. So awful.

Worried about my neighbor.

Fun dresses and shoes aside, there are more serious things going on. My neighbor, the one that so graciously fixed our fence on Halloween when the stupid kids kicked it down, tried to commit suicide twice, but was unsuccessful. THANK GOD. He mailed a suicide letter to someone, and they called us to go check on him. He wouldn't respond to anyone, not even us, and so they ended up having the cops do a well check. He went to a hospital for eight days and is now back. I feel so bad and helpless. Jim left him notes and messages saying if he needed to talk to call him, and that we cared. He is so young, and although he has had a rough time, I am praying so hard that he does not do anything like that. He is such a nice guy, and a good neighbor. It breaks my heart because I know what it feels like to be in that kind of despair. I would never take my own life, but I understand pain.

Shoes & Dresses

Found an even cuter black dress that I want in addition to the diva red dress. I'm going to need places to wear these. Those shoes! So sexy with jeans, and I love the ankle straps on the other ones.

Which One?

I haven't talked about this lately, but I've dropped almost 20 pounds in the last month or so. I have a way to go yet, but I'm determined! I've thrown donuts across the room and posted skinny pics for myself. I've just gotten sick of the way things are, and I'm making some life changes. This is one of them. Now, with that, is going to have to be some new clothes-buying because things are starting not to fit. I also have nothing pretty to wear. Not that I have anywhere to go to warrant such fancy things, but you just never know. Never say never, right? Right.

I'm going to buy one of these dresses (unless you tell me they suck) a couple of sizes too small so that I will keep going until they fit. They are pricey, so it will motivate me because I hate wasting money. So, tell me, which one do you like better?

An anomaly wrapped in an enigma.

My husband says I am an anomaly wrapped in an enigma. Um, thanks hon, I think.

Anomaly: An irregularity, a misproportion, or something that is strange or unusual. In particular, as used in the sciences, it means deviation from the common rule, i.e. in the experimental sciences it means difference from the norm or average of a given quantity.

Enigma: Mystery, something that baffles understanding and cannot be explained; something or someone that is mysterious or puzzling.

I don't think it is any secret that I'm a little off. I'm OK with that. Normal is boring. Some people like me just the way I am, some don't. Just because nature's fury fascinates me, doesn't mean I WANT bad things to happen. Jim rolls his eyes at me a lot when I talk about it and says, "You can't wait to survive a 10.0 can you?" (Um, NO.) Many people stick their heads in the sand, or their fingers in their ears and say "la, la, la", but not me. Perhaps I missed my calling as a scientist or storm chaser. LOL. Did you know that there are vacations you can book to ride with storm chasers? So, see, I'm not the only one!

Truth

What is it to you? Are you looking for it? Have you found it? How do you know when you've found it? Do you care? Would you die for it? What would you die for? (If anything.)

I am a truth-seeker. I want to know what is real, and what is not real. In everything. I am tenacious and diligent about it. I get frustrated, and I certainly don't always like it. I'm sure this comes out in my writing. Yes, I have found some truths, and I am still searching for others. I can tell you this much, there is much truth in the statement "Seek and ye shall find".

Drunk with Power

They gave me superpowers at work. I really like it! Apparently when I get frustrated and angry, I scare people. Go figure. I now have the ability to see any and all files that anyone in the company has opened on their computer AND the ability to CLOSE THOSE FILES AT WILL so that I can do with them what I need to. Let me tell you how much fun it was running around the building trying to figure out who had stuff open or waiting to get an email response back. It stopped me in my tracks to get things done. I can sit here now and do my evil cackle and say, "Delete! delete! delete! I've shut you down!" So much fun.

Confession

Due to popular demand via comments/email, I confess there may have been a little more to the dream. (I love all the comments lately, btw, keep them coming! It makes me feel special.)

Should I come clean? I'm already blushing as I type. Yes, I had an erotic, steamy love dream the other night, and I'm kicking myself for not taking a sleeping pill! I still remember every detail, which is rare! (Yeah, it was THAT good.) I actually told my therapist about it, and she had some interesting insights, which is not exactly what I was expecting her to say. It's a little embarrassing, but I guess that ship has sailed on this blog.

It was very passionate. I could hear the ocean waves crashing against the shore, and I could feel the sunshine on my body. How does a dream get that real? The champagne and strawberries made for a good time too. OK, that's enough for right now. I need some water. Maybe something stronger.

Morning Massacre

So, I'm in the shower, leaning up against the wall sleeping. The water is as hot as it will go. I'm not sure how long I was like that, but I'm sure it was more than a few minutes. I suddenly have a coppery metal taste in my mouth. I open my eyes and HOLY CRAP! Blood EVERYWHERE. All down the front of me, dripping onto my feet! There is even some on the wall! My nose has been gushing blood for God only knows how long. I freak. How much blood did I lose? DAMN! I cleaned myself (and the wall) up and got out, and of course all I have are big, white fluffy towels. So now, here I sit blogging about it totally naked with a towel wrapped around my head swami-style and Kleenex stuffed up my nose. As Annie would say, "HAWT!"

Dazed and Confused

I do not feel like working today. Not that I ever do really, but it does keep me from staying in bed 24/7. I did not want to get out of bed so bad today that I almost started crying. Pathetic, no? But I got up. Here I am. I was actually awake at 3:30 am this morning, just lying there. I should never be left alone with my thoughts. I couldn't go back to sleep, but I wasn't about to get up. Sometimes I'll get up and go online or get some water or something, but not this time. Just stayed there. Thinking.

Do you ever wonder what your life will be like in a year? 5 years? I keep a journal (other than this blog) and occasionally I try to guess. I'm not good at it. Life has a mind of its own. I had a very interesting session with my therapist yesterday. (She earns every penny with me.) Please don't judge me, it's kind of embarrassing to admit that kind of thing. I started seeing her (she is this really adorable 60-year-old woman) after my dad died. I just got really sick of having anxiety attacks and insomnia and depression and feeling like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I didn't want advice on life really, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't losing it. She has assured me I'm normal. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? HAHA. I'm not going to tell you what we talked about, because hey, that may be a little too much info for the World Wide Web, but I will tell you that she really makes me think. Think in a way I've never thought before. You know, "out of the box". We even discuss religion, which is cool. She is training me to see things a little differently. I can be a little stubborn. Don't fall over with shock.

Anyway, I'm just rambling here, and I'm not sure why exactly. Sometimes the whole blogging thing seems weird. Why do I tell the world so much about myself? Why does anyone blog? Writing is a great therapy, and a good way to share with friends and family, but I think there has got to be more to it than that, because blogging is so popular. Maybe it's the human condition, we all want to be heard. No matter how many people you have in your life, married or not married, no matter if you are happy or sad or crazy, we want to feel connected. Some people write blogs, some people just read them, but all the same, here we are.

Working Hard.

Busted!

So Vivid

It's rare that I have a dream so vivid; the colors, the smells, the feeling that I was really there. Usually I have vivid nightmares, so this was an extra special treat. I'm hoping to continue it, but maybe I should just write the rest. (CrazyDogMama the romance novelist, HA!) Some of my nightmares have come true, so maybe the universe will work her magic with this one. Yeah, right after I get the pile of work done on my desk.

I actually tried to find a photo on the internet that could even come close to what I was seeing. I've never been anywhere like that, so I don't know where my brain got it, but GO BRAIN! The balcony was like this white stucco-type material and there were rocky islands in the ocean. It was a combo of these pics.

Imagine this.

You are looking over a high balcony at the beautiful crystal blue sea, far from home. It is dawn, the sun is coming up in a beautiful orange, pink and purple, and a salty sea breeze is blowing through your hair. All you have around you is the silky sheet from the cozy bed. Room service has just brought you mimosas and fresh fruit for breakfast that is waiting for you on the deck bistro table. It is warm out already and your lover comes up behind you and puts his arms around you (or her arms depending on who you are) and kisses your neck. Then I WOKE UP.

Sorry to leave you hanging.

But I was entirely too pissy this afternoon to even type. There are too many stupid people in the world. S.T.U.P.I.D. They drive me absolutely nuts. Most of the time I can just make fun of them and get a good laugh out of it, but some days it just really gets to me. Now, I am not Einstein or anything over here, but I think you guys know what I'm talking about. People with no common sense, or people that are completely unaware of their surroundings, etc. To name just a few, there are so many people that should not have a license to drive. Period. No one listens to me. EVER. I just need to go to bed. I'll be better tomorrow.

Frustrated, the other "F" word.

I really hate being frustrated. Just thought I'd let you know.

Warped Conversations

We haven't done cack this weekend. Lots of sleeping and laying in front the TV. Today is nice, sunny and warm, and the best we could muster up is to sit on the back patio under the umbrella. But you know, at least we moved. We turned on some tunes and just sat and talked. Sometimes our conversations are stimulating and sometimes, well, they are warped. Like for instance, after I took a shower, I put on some capris and flip flops to sit outside. Jim started laughing because I haven't shaved my legs for a couple of days. (YOU shut up.) He mimicked a wolf howling. I flipped him off, and as he continued to roll in hysterics, I pounded on him a little. I gave him the evil eye and started to think about what I would blog about today. I must have had the "I'm going to blog evil about you" look on my face because the next thing he said was, "The 'I'm a hero on your blog' shit is over, isn't it?" LOL. "Yes, indeed it is.", I said. "I'm going to tell the internet that you are listening to Air Supply and "How deep is your Love" by the BeeJees." Then I got the evil eye. "But you like it too!" "Yes", I said, "but I'm a girl".

So now I'm even. HA! Time to go BBQ steaks. I'm freaking starving.

Quick update on the continuing conversation:

Jim: (studying my cleavage) "Women's boobs get bigger when they gain weight, but how come men's penises don't get bigger when they gain weight? It doesn't seem fair."
My answer: "Because if that were true, every man in America would weigh 500 pounds."

View from the toilet.

I am REALLY bored today, can you tell? I just woke up. It is like, 1:30 pm. I did wake up earlier, but I justified reasons to crawl back in bed. It's one of those super lazy, wander around with no purpose kind of days.

I thought you might appreciate a nice photo from the toilet. A really, really BAD photo that I couldn't even fix in photoshop; but I digress. You see, the dogs follow me everywhere, and I mean everywhere. If I were to guess what they were saying in their heads, it would go something like this:

"What are ya doin'?"
"Are you done yet?"
"Is there food in here?"
"Can we have some food?"
"Where's the food?"

A new dish.

I made pork tenderloin in a homemade piccata sauce (capers, butter, lemon, white wine, parsley, my special chicken/beef stock, shallots, sea salt and cracked pepper), served with steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I ate ALL my veges! No potato! I'm bored with the same old things, so I got my cookbooks out. Jim thinks I'm completely out of my mind when I take pictures of my food, especially if we go to a restaurant. He pretends he doesn't know me. LOL. I can't help it.

My Hero

There is something you probably don't know about me, and that is that I am married to a real, live hero. Jim is a decorated combat veteran of the Gulf War. He courageously served his country with honors, and I am proud to know him. I think it is about time that I give him the recognition that he most definitely deserves, right here on my blog.
Jim served in the United States Army in Desert Storm in communications and ground combat. He has been rewarded with medals for his great leadership and the ability to cope effectively with things most of us would have trouble just hearing about. Some of his stories make me cringe, and for those of you who know me, know that that is hard to do.

Last night I was gazing up at his medals hanging on the wall. I decided to take them out of their case and clean everything up. I asked him to tell me about each one. He hesitated a bit, not knowing why I was asking, and also because he doesn't like to talk about it much. He gets embarrassed sometimes when people make a big deal out of it.

I love you, Jim. Thank you for what you did.

Starting at the top left, going from left to right:

1. Good Conduct Medal (self-explanatory.)
2. Purple Heart (For being wounded in combat, Jim was "gassed" with nerve gas from enemy forces.)
3. Bronze Star (For heroism, Jim fed starving Kuwaiti children and then ambushed men who came in to take it away.)
4. Army Commendation Medal (For good performance at a duty station.)
5. Army Achievement Medal (and I quote: "For saving everybody's ass on a field problem.")
6. Kuwaiti Liberation Medal (Awarded to Jim by the Saudi Arabian Government.)
7. Humanitarian Service Medal (For Jim's unit's involvement in "Operation Provide Comfort".)
8. Southwest Asia Service Medal (Self-explanatory.)
9. National Defense Service Medal (Awarded for being in the military during a time of war.)
10. Another Kuwaiti Liberation Medal (Awarded to Jim by the Kuwaiti Government.)

Are you paying attention?

The amount (and magnitude) of earthquakes, tornadoes, storms, economic woes, etc. is astounding right now. Interesting times we live in. I study this stuff.

I thought of something to blog about, and its interactive!

So, I was listening to iTunes at my desk and "Back in Black" came on by AC/DC. (You have to like that song.) *Note, someday I will be blaring that song while going Mach 5 in my newly purchased black '67 Camaro. Anyway, I started thinking about my childhood and how this song applied. Mostly it applied to me acting like a complete maniac, so I thought, how about a post of the 10 dumbest things I've ever done? Yeah. Good one. Also, all of you out there? Yeah, YOU. Tell me a couple of yours!

1. My friend Jesse had purchased a Camaro that barely ran; I think he paid $200 for it or something stupid. It had no windshield. No problem! We just put motorcycle helmets on, cranked "Back in Black" and cruised down Highway 203 at about 110. (He was driving.) I kept thinking "This could be hard to explain if we get pulled over."

2. I rode on the back of a Harley, twice, with just a bikini on. Burnt the SHIT out of my leg on the pipe. Twice.

3. Tried to make a big jump on ski's (without ever having taken a lesson) and landed on my head. I also jumped off of a ski lift once. Ouch.

4. Waterskied with a bikini on, and no life vest. NOT. A. GOOD. IDEA.

5. Entered a drinking contest. OMFG.

6. Almost fell off of a Ferris wheel.

7. Dumped an entire bottle of "Sun In" on my hair. It turned bright Orange.

8. Pretty much every guy I dated from age 16 to 20.

9. Told some men in a bar that my boyfriend was going to kick their ass. I found out that we could run REALLY fast while intoxicated.

10. Rode a scooter for the first time and crashed into a blackberry bush.

I've got nothing.

Blah. Wednesday. At least its payday, but its spent already as usual. There is actually nothing of interest going on this week. So, tell me, internet, what do want me to talk about? The dogs are acting like idiots (nothing new there), I haven't felt like cooking anything, Jim is not doing anything, the weather is just boring and rainy, work is boring, nobody has died this week (OK, not funny), I haven't taken any pictures, and nobody has done anything lately for me to make fun of. So, there you have it.

How was YOUR morning?

All of this occurred before 9 am.

1. Drove alongside a fast-moving train on the way to work, and when it blew its whistle, I jumped from being startled, and spilled coffee all over my lap.

2. Broke a few dishes in the kitchen at work because I am a hopeless klutz.

3. Crashed my hard drive.

4. Completely screwed up a document and had to start over from scratch.

5. Ate fire-chili for dinner last night and paid dearly for it this morning in the work bathroom.

6. While in the bathroom and couldn't go anywhere, I heard my cell phone go off at my desk LOUDLY (because I forgot to it on vibrate) in an office environment where you can hear a pin drop.

Locking Gas Caps

First, I just got a locking gas cap and HATE. IT. and it hates me back. I was thinking that with gas prices rising out of control to $4 a gallon that it would be a smart move. It would have been smart if I wasn't as impatient as a spider monkey on crack. Jim gave me two keys: one for his truck, one for mine. They look identical. Do we mark them, so we know which one is which? Of course not. Also, I let my vehicle run down to fumes before I stop and get gas. I can't help it.

OK, so here I am coasting into the nearest gas station. I try to take the cap off as though it didn't lock. Oh, duh! Okay, go get keys. Put wrong key in twice. Put right key in. Do a half turn JUST LIKE IT SAYS. Pull. Nothing. Pull again. Nothing. I start to panic. Look at directions on cap again. Half turn, pull. MOTHER OF HELL! Start jumping around in frustration hitting and kicking vehicle. People start to stare. I am almost in tears. Grip cap/key with my life and pick one leg up and plant it next to the cap for leverage. Crank a half turn and pull with all of my might. COME ON DAMNIT! Walk around in a circle thinking. Go back to cap and do a half turn with the key again, grip the cap and turn a little more. OPEN! HOORAY! It only took 20 minutes. I seriously need someone to follow me around all day and just help me with stuff. You know?

Second, my mom called me from California and needed me to go get into one her "lock boxes" and send her something from inside it. OK, no problem. While looking through the box I found all kinds of fun stuff and got majorly distracted. I know, shocker. She had piles and piles of negatives in there. Fun! I start looking at all of them. OMG. Pictures I've never seen before. of ME. I found some particular bikini ones that just freaked me out. Did I EVER look like that? Holy crap! My favorite bikini, too! I remember it! No wonder I'm depressed. I sat and reminisced for a while and then took them home to print. (Don't worry, I'll put them back.) I am SO going to put this one on the frig. Okay, maybe I'll never look like that again, but the fact that I ever did gives me some extra motivation. I had ABS. ABS! Now, never mind the hair. Just don't look directly at it. Oh, and YES, it was necessary to put on earrings and makeup and hairspray to go the beach. That's how we got picked up to go waterskiing. Duh. Also, yes, my mom has redecorated since then. Thank GOD.

OK, I'll blog.

You guys are getting entirely used to me blogging every day, I'm getting emails wondering what's up, I haven't posted in over 24 hours now! LOL. So, what is up today, you ask? Well, I will try to put together a post that makes any kind of sense, my brain is all over the place. It's Monday, you know, and I am just now settling in at work with my coffee. I also had an early doctor's appt. this morning, which is such a super way to start the week. I've been seeing the same family doctor forever now, and she knows me pretty well. It was just a well-check, but the conversation was a little funny because I haven't been in for a while.

Doctor: "So how is your depression and anxiety?"
Me: "Well, depressing and stressful."
Doctor: (Just looks at me, then smiles.)  "OK."
Me: "I don't know, some days I'm OK, some days I'm not."
Doctor: "Are you making changes like we talked about?"
Me: "Sort of. I went bowling, does that count?"
Doctor: "Well, yes, that's a start. It's good for you to get out and socialize."
Me: "Can I get an EpiPen?"
Doctor: "What for?"
Me: "I'm allergic to wasps."
Doctor: "You are? I don't have that down here in your files."
Me: "Yes. I swell up and wheeze. I want to go outside a lot this summer."
Doctor: "When was your last reaction?"
Me: "About 19 years ago. I had to go to the emergency room."
Doctor: "19 years ago, and you are just now asking for an EpiPen?"
Me: "Yeah, I kept forgetting."
Doctor: (Sighs.)  "OK."

Sidenote: Some random construction worker (maybe in his 60's) just stopped me and asked me if he could use our restroom. I said, "How much money do you have?" Taking me seriously, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. I said to just leave it on the counter when he was done. He said OK. I am so mean! I am totally laughing right now, and if there is actually a quarter in there when I check I am going to howl in laughter.