Snow was more fun when I was a kid.

Now it is just a pain in the rectal region. I had a lovely 3-hour commute home last Monday night when another little winter blast started right as I left work. Then, neither Jim nor I could get to work the next day. Driving has been stupid and slow. The only fun thing is watching the dogs try to maneuver in it. We got about 7 inches in our backyard, then we had a deep freeze (17 frigging degrees), then a nice ice storm.

Here are some pics from the drive, and my iced-over windows which take a millennium to unthaw. Good times. Driving home on solid ice, I really should be paying attention to my driving, but I digress.

Turkey, Napping & Snow

All in all, a nice holiday weekend, complete with a winter storm. The news said we are to get 3 to 6 inches of snow tonight!

Crappy photos for your viewing pleasure: Jim working his turkey magic. My kitchen, the disaster area. Jim eating light with one turkey-plate, and one side-dish plate. Dog butts frolicking in the snow, and "Snowback Mountain".

MOM, enough with the flash already!

I know I take too many pics of my puppies, but this one cracked me up. The flash made poor Lou scrunch his eyes closed, LOL!

Thanksgiving Menu!

Well, I'm taking tomorrow off to start cooking for turkey day. I love holidays that revolve around FOOD. Here is my plan, please tell me what your plan is! I love new ideas!

Appetizers:
Baked Artichoke Dip with Baguette Bread
Cajun prawns
Wine and Beer

Dinner:
19-pound Butterball Turkey
Seasoned Stuffing
Poultry Gravy
Mashed Potatoes
Baked Pineapple (old family recipe)
Green Bean Crunch
Cranberry Sauce
Rolls
Apple Cider

Dessert:
Pumpkin Pie
Dutch Apple Pie
Banana Pudding Crunch (family recipe)
Baileys and Coffee

Pictures to follow...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope it's a good one!

Starbucks Cream Liqueur

OMG, do NOT try this, or you'll be in danger of becoming an alcoholic. Seriously.

One word MEME from Sarcomical.

You can only use one word to answer the questions.

Yourself: Zombified
Your partner: Funny
Your hair: Messy
Your mother: Hospitable
Your father: Love
Your favorite item: Camera
Your dream last night: War
Your favorite drink: Mocha
Your dream car: Hummer
Your dream home: Cedar
The room you are in: Cube
Your ex: Gone
Your fear: Betrayal
Where you want to be in ten years: Happy
Who you hung out with last night: Jim
What you're not: Sane
Muffins: Chocolate
One of your wish list items: Money
Time: Quick
The last thing you did: Cigarette
What you are wearing: Clothes
Your favorite weather: Stormy
Your favorite book: Horror
Last thing you ate: Oatmeal
Your life: Crazy
Your mood: OK
Your best friends: Nuts
What are you thinking about right now: Food
Your car: Dirty
What are you doing at the moment: Writing
Your summer: Hot
Relationship status: Married
What is on your tv: Nothing
What is the weather like: Grey
When is the last time you laughed: Yesterday

Yes, I am alive.

I know, I know, it's been 2 weeks since I have posted. Let me tell you, LOTS has been going on in my life lately. Let me start with the flooding.

Last week we had some serious rain, and the town I live in was under water. My house was OK because I live on a hill, but getting back and forth to work wasn't happening well. We're talking only one way out of town, and 30 billion people going that way at the same time. Here are some pics I took driving:

All the poor downtown businesses were under water. The water was coming up to the road, water should not be on the right at all. (Notice the really nice crack in my windshield. Stupid trucks.) There was one part where I'm like "OH SHIT", the water is spilling over the bridges!

It is hard to take pics when you are driving and starting to get a little nervous.

After a 3.5 hour commute the next day, I decided to stay with my mom for a couple of days who lives 5 minutes from where I work. I don't like being away from home, but there was (OF COURSE) an audit going on at my work, and it was critical that I get there.

I worked 30 hours in two days because of the audit. Ugh. THEN, when I went back home, Jim and I got into a huge fight and I went back to my mom's for the weekend.

My birthday was Sunday, too. I am not all that thrilled with turning 35, but Jim and I made up that day, so it turned out nice.

Let's see, hmm. Oh! I had a migraine yesterday and had to stay home from work. Is that enough drama to get out of blogging for a few weeks? I think so. But I'm back now.

Boy, this would really suck.

Since I have been slacking on my earthquake fear mongering lately, here is a nice up-beat read:

Worst-Case Scenario – Cascadia Subduction Zone (survivingcascadia.com)

Things that irritate me, part four million and six.

1. When people honk their car horns, and it is NOT an emergency. It scares the crap out of me.
2. When people spell LOSE with two O's. (Loose). OMG! Come ON! (I may have mentioned this before, but it REALLY bugs me.)
3. People who do not have a sense of humor.
4. Cutesy home decor. Like cartoon stitchery angels and shit. GAG ME.
5. Too much clutter on your work desk that is not work related. We all have some, I'm talking ridiculous amounts here.
6. When people put their kids on the phone. I do not wish to have a conversation with a toddler, thank you. Put your dog on the phone instead, it will be more intellectual for me.
7. People who think their kids are too cute to be annoying. YOU ARE WRONG.
8. Tailgaters. I will slam on my brakes, don't do it.
9. People at Costco who will not MOVE OUT OF MY WAY when I say excuse me.
10. People who hum.
11. People who don't like dogs.
12. When people stand too close to me. Get out of my personal space.
13. When people don't stand by their word.
14. When you tell someone to shut up at the movie theatre, then they have an attitude with you. OH PLEASE COME OVER HERE AND LET ME SMACK THE CRAP OUT OF YOU.
15. Reality shows. (Sorry, everyone)
16. Packaged things that are too hard to open.

If you do any of these things, it doesn't mean I hate you, I'm sure I annoy plenty of people. Get over yourself.

Undecided

I am really having a dilemma on whether or not I will give out the two HUGE bags of candy I got from Costco tonight to those damn punk teenage kids who DON'T EVEN DRESS UP anymore, they just come to the house, ring the doorbell 50 times in a row, make the dogs nuts, and then stand there with their pants hanging down to their knees saying, "Trick or Treat, Dude". I don't know if I can take it. I think I will just eat all the candy myself and risk the vandalism. Fuck it. The only thing I will miss are the really cute 2-year-olds in the lion and dinosaur costumes. I'm not a kid person, but damn they are cute. I remember last year when my husband was dressed as Leatherface with blood all over him, and this cute little, tiny girl was smiling at him and wanted to touch his deformed face. I melted. All the other ones cried and screamed, but I wanted to adopt that little angel!

Louie is also quite fixated on the candy. I will not let him have any because as you know chocolate is poison to dogs, but that little fuzbutt follows me around, tries to lick the chocolate off of my lips and climbs up onto the coffee table to steal the candy wrappers and run with them into his crate for safe keeping. Ahh, Halloween.

Headaches, Hair Products, and Hunger

So yesterday was interesting. I had a migraine headache from hell. It was one of those headaches where you want to turn all the lights off, need it to be incredibly quiet, and lay down so you don't throw up. Of course, I was at work where the lights are brighter than a fricking football stadium, everybody was running around nuts and LOUD, and I couldn't lay down because it was hella-busy. Driving home was fun, I was seeing spots and weird colors. For EXTRA fun, they were doing construction on the road up to my house and they have it detoured about 10 minutes out of the way. It was awesome.

All better today, but I had to tell you about Christmas in the company bathroom. There is this girl who bought all of this fancy foo-foo hair product and face stuff and decided she was never going to use it, and instead of throwing it away, she put it all in the bathroom at work and told us to take it away! We're talking Aveda, Bed Head, Clinique, etc. I WAS SOO ALL OVER THAT. I'm stocked now!

Lastly. I'm hungry. I'm always hungry. I can't get my mind off food. Especially comfort food. I want turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and ham and scalloped potatoes and gravy and I don't think I'm going to make to Thanksgiving. Want. stuffing. NOW.

The Silly Viking

We were trying on hats in Leavenworth, and Jim is silly.

CrazyDogMama fell down and went boom.

My new "I hate the fucking treadmill so I'm going to play Racquetball instead" idea is sucking today. My feet stopped abruptly on the court, and the rest of me didn't. I landed hard on my right knee. I got the shot, though, I'll have you know. My knee is purple and pounding right now and I'm getting a headache. *Sigh* I'm such an R-Tard.

Nuke Tips

Stan Deyo just put out an article on "Nuke Tips", and surviving the apocalypse. Isn't that neat?

A Meme from Yerdoingitwrong.

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror, what's the first thing you think? Holy CRAP.
2. How much cash do you have on you? 34 cents.
3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? Jest.
4. Favorite planet? Pluto
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile phone? Jim.
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? The theme from "Halloween" the movie.
7. What clothes are you wearing? Black slacks, lavender shirt, black shoes.
8.Do you label yourself? Yeah, but I hate peeling them off.
9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing right now? Rockport.
10. Bright or Dark Room? I like dark rooms.
11. What were you doing at midnight last night? Trying to sleep.
12. What did your last text message you received say? No one text messages me. I think I'll go eat worms.
13. What's a saying that you say a lot? "Shut up."
14. Who told you they loved you last? Jim.
15. Last furry thing you touched? Louie.
16. How Many Drugs Have You Done in the Past three Days? Some.
17. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? 4.
18. Favorite age you have been so far? 21 & 22.
19. Your worst enemy? Myself.
20. What is your current desktop picture? Trees turning colors.
21. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Sure." In response to the question "Are we going to the gym today?"
22. If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a major regret? Show me the money.
23. Do you like someone? Yes.
24. The last song you listened to? "My Sharona" by The Knacks.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning.

It's coming. BE THERE. The saw is family.

CrazyDogMama, the Photographer

Ha! Well, I had my first wedding photography gig this weekend. Some friends of mine (Brittany and Daryl) got married in Leavenworth, WA yesterday and I took the pics. I thought I would share some of my favorites with you all. It was such a gorgeous day, about 80, and all the leaves were just starting to turn. You can click on them to enlarge them; they are much better that way.

Motivational Poster

I totally and completely stole this from the very talented "Diablo Cody and her Pussy Ranch", but since it made me laugh for a straight hour and 20 minutes, I had to do it. Please Diablo, do not kick my ass, but share in the joy that is having a dog (or two) run your life. Thanks!

A not-so-vicious post.

OK, I'm a little better today. I still feel like shit, but I don't want to kill anyone. Yesterday was a fun day of a migraine headache complete with snot-heaves. Yeah, I know. I'm back to work today, and I'm actually glad because staying in bed all day yesterday coughing my head off was no fun at all.

I have two new favorite shows, people. "Jericho" and "Men in Trees". Jericho is about a small town of people in Kansas who see a nuclear bomb go off in the distance and are totally cut off from all communications and don't know what the hell is going on or what to do. TOTALLY my kind of show. Men in Trees is about a woman (Ann Heche) who is a relationship coach whose love life goes in the shitter. She goes to a small Alaska town (from NY) to do a seminar and ends up staying there. It reminds me a little of "Northern Exposure", which I loved. It's just a silly, light-hearted show that I'm in love with. Total chick show, but Jim likes it too. We want to move to Alaska now.

Somebody Kill Me

I am so cranky today it isn't even funny. I still don't feel good, I woke up at 3 am, I'm hungry and have NO money and the work keeps piling up on my desk. Jim has bronchitis and is home sick. (Sick men SUCK. Whiny-ass babies. Not that I'm any better right now.) I pretty much want to kill everybody, not because they are doing anything, just because. My work stocks cold medicine, and I think I have taken enough Sudafed to outfit a meth lab. I sort of want to cry, too.

All Work and No Play Makes Cheryl a Sick Girl.

Ugh. I am hella-busy at work, and I am sick. My head aches, I think I have a fever because I am sweating and have the chills, my throat is scratchy and my tummy hurts. But I'm here, working. I haven't been to the gym in 2 days - and tomorrow I'm supposed to cash in the free "training sessions" I won. Don't think I'm gonna make it. Crap.

Here is my stepson, Mr. Snotty Snotterson, who is the one WHO MADE ME SICK.

Fall is here.

Fall comes to Washington in, like, one day. It will be in the 80's, then BOOM! The next day it's 55 and raining buckets. I had my windshield wipers on full blast this morning, accompanied by the butt-warmer, which I love. I was so ready for fall. I don't really like hot weather. Yeah, it's fun to go swimming and stuff, but I get all grumpy when I'm sweaty and dizzy from the heat. I'm all giddy to wear sweaters and scarves and cuddle up with my puppies with a nice, warm cup of cocoa and a good book. It's also supposed to thunder and lightning today, hooray! I know, I know, I'm weird. I even like the fact that it's dark now in the morning when I drive to work. I don't really know why. But I do. Right now, I'm trying to figure out some cold-weather comfort food to make for dinner. Stew? Roast?

Slow Dancing

OK, we're a little tipsy, but not too wasted to be all romantic and stuff. We just slow danced, you know, like you did in Highschool when you just hugged and rocked back and forth? Yeah, like that. My honey was all touched because I sang along. Do you know the song?

Love ain't a candle
It doesn't burn for one night
And need the dark to shine
Love is alive
And love ain't just a word
In every dictionary
With no where defined
Love is a man and he's mine

Love is alive
And at our breakfast table
Everyday of the week
Love is alive
And it grows everyday and night
Even in our sleep
Love is alive
And it's made a happy woman out of me
Oh love is alive
And here by me
Love ain't just a rule
A distant far away dream
That needs the night to rise

Love is alive
And love ain't just a song
Sweet words of music
To go dancin' by
Love is a man and he's mine
Love is alive, here by me

Apparently, I haven't done much living.

Just highlight the things you've done.  Got this from Yerdoingitwrong.

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said "I love you" and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66.Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently (not quite, but close)
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication.
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

My results: 62 out of 150. That's 41%, a big fat FAIL.

12 Years Ago Today

I was translated into untold bliss. Well, I was married. I have to say that it has not all been perfect, but I woke up today truly glad to celebrate with my honey. I made us eggs benedict for breakfast, and Jim went to get me chocolate donuts. We have also been planning our next Disneyland trip! It's a little far out because we have had a difficult financial year, but we are all excited to have something to look forward to. I love you, Jim. How about another 12 years?

The pics: Us on August 27th, 1994, my bachelorette party the Wednesday before, eggs benedict this morning, August 27th, 2006.

Statistically Improbable Things

Got this from Whirled Peas: List 10 statistically improbable things I've done (or things I've done that most people haven't.)

1. I've hit 2 deer and 1 dog with my car and lived. Three different vehicles, all traumatic.
2. I had graduated from a four-year college, been through the police academy, been a cop and gotten married all by the time I was 22.
3. I've jumped out of a perfectly good airplane 7 times.
4. I've had to have surgery to get a kidney stone out.
5. I've never broken a bone (just a small fracture in my wrist) and I'm incredibly clumsy.
6. I can eat an entire large pizza by myself just outside of 10 minutes.
7. I've never been outside the country, and my dad worked for United Airlines.
8. I've never had a root canal or a crown, and I've only had 2 very small cavities in my life, and I'm 34.
9. I couldn't burp until I was 25.
10. I can vomit at any time, on queue.

I combed my hair today BEFORE WORK.

I know you're thinking "really?", but if you compare this photo to the one I posted the other day, you can see the difference. Now I just need to do something about those dark circles under my eyes. Like go to Tahiti for a month.

Hell is Frozen and Pigs are Flying

I woke up in a good mood. I KNOW. That, in and of itself is a miracle, but the fact that it is ALSO Monday, well, that's SOMETHING!

The weekend was nothing special, just cleaned the house. Scrubbed the bathroom, cleaned the kitchen floor, washed my throw-rugs. Not too exciting. Jim mowed and watered the grass and washed my car.

I got to work today, said good morning to everyone and started working RIGHT AWAY. I don't know what is going on. It's a little scary.

Cheez Balls

You may be wondering what the vulgar picture is all about. Well, I'll tell you. Planter's no longer makes CHEEZ BALLS. Fuckers.

I'll explain later.

Important Things

"Lucky Louie", the new sitcom-type series on HBO is FREAKING HILARIOUS. It is like a shock-value sitcom. They swear a lot and I got to see a full-on penis. My kind of show.

I just received my new RAZR cell phone (for free!) and I'm loving it. I have stepped into the 21st century (my old phone was like 5 years old) where you can do more than just 'talk' on your phone. I am snapping pictures all over the place. This could be dangerous. I'm taking the doggies to the vet today for their annual shots/exams, maybe I'll take video of Louie freaking out when the nurse puts the thermometer up his butt.

The Descent

Loved it! Four paws up! "The Descent" movie rocked. One of the best horror movies I've seen in a while. Lots of good gore, suspense and there's a twist. My stepson had both of his ears plugged (which means it's scary) and Jim kept saying things like, "Whoa!" "Shit!" "Damn!" during the movie, which TOTALLY cracked me up, number one, and number two is pretty uncommon for him. I walked out of the theatre wanting to see it again. I'm not going to give anything away because the less you know about the movie, the better the experience it will be for you. Go see it!

Here is where my maturity level shines.

Since NO ONE seems to want to talk about horror movies, I joined the fangoria.com message boards so that I can discuss cannibalism and throat-slicing there. So NYAH!

Anticipation

I seriously can't find a bad review of this movie. ("The Descent") The ones I have found that seem negative are from people who haven't even SEEN the film yet, or who don't like horror movies to begin with; and even those reviews have been hard to find. Horror movies are notorious for having mixed reviews. Usually, your hard-core horror fans are disappointed, and your teenagers are all wigged out over nothing because they are stupid. If the hard-core fans like a film, then no one else does. Well, not this film. EVERYONE seems to dig it! I guess it came out in the UK last year and received rave reviews there, too. Here is an excerpt I just found on "Horrorwatch":

Afraid of the dark? You will be. A group of female friends led by Juno (Natalie Mendoza) encounter bloodthirsty creatures when they get trapped in a mountain cave due to an avalanche. Worst of all, their friendships sour and they discover their real fear is from each other. This has to be one of the best films of this year. This movie accomplishes what The Cave didn't. Full of terrifying suspense, ample blood flow, awesome looking creatures, action packed sequences, and all without the use of CGI. The atmosphere was totally creepy the whole way through. At times, I actually think the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up. More than once I jumped and almost fell over. Every time somebody rounded a corner, I found myself holding my breath. This is as creepy as creepy gets. The acting was superb. The actresses really draw you in to their world. They make you feel almost as if you are right there with them. Never have I seen such powerful performances in a low budget film. The "crawlers" add perfectly to the creepiness. They are plain ferocious and can move with unbelievable speed. They also like to rip their prey apart as blood goes everywhere. I highly, highly recommend this film to any and every horror fan. This is one movie not to be missed. This film puts you in a downward spiral full of fear. Good luck watching this alone in the dark. Hands down, I give this a 10 out of 10.

It is WAY too hot for me.

It was 100 degrees this weekend at my house. No breeze, lots of humidity (air stagnation), no air conditioning except the little one in my bedroom, and no shade or trees over my house. I wore a white T-Shirt with no underwear and no bra ALL WEEKEND. I did not change. I stayed in my bedroom 90% of the time bored out of my mind. I did not eat much because when I ventured out to the kitchen, I was drenched in sweat within 10 seconds.

I don't do well in the heat, but this was ridiculous. I did not go outside AT ALL for fear that my skin would sizzle off. Now, you have to understand, I live near Seattle, you know, the rainy place. No one here is used to this kind of insane weather. You can't breathe when it gets over 85 degrees. I can get my mind around summer weather, swimming, picnics, etc., but when it goes into the 100's, it's like curl up in the fetal position in your tiny little bedroom with no lights on and a little air conditioner that is working overtime and rub popsicles all over your body.

This heat wave has no end in sight. It was nice to come to work today in the air-conditioned office. I may be working many hours this week.

Dog Food and Grocery Store Behavior

OK, so I got Louie his frigging gourmet dogfood. He was seriously excited. He was eating so vigorously that he was banging his bowl against the cabinets. I was just shaking my head. It's like we had been starving him or something.

We ran out of people food yesterday, and even though I don't get paid until tomorrow we decided to go grocery shopping last night and just floated a check. Sad, I know. Anyway, Jim and I shopping together is kind of funny. There was this big "buy one get one free" sale at Albertson's, so we were all over that. We met at the store after we got off work. (Usually, I just do the grocery shopping by myself, and now I know why.)

First, Jim yelled at me because my car is dirty, and he hates that. "Why don't you ever clean this car?" "I'm going to trade it in for a Yugo." Then, as we were walking in the parking lot toward the store, we were scoping out different entrances and kept bumping into each other. I finally pushed him, and he said, "Why the hell are you pushing me?" and I said, "Because you keep running into me." Then he said, "How about we go in the same entrance?" Hehe.

So, then we get inside. I grab a cart, put my purse in it and start flipping through the sale ads to find out what I want. I also got my calculator out. (Shut up, we are on a budget.) Jim rolls his eyes and gets all annoyed. "Are you coming or WHAT?" I beeline for the first "buy one get one free" display. Jim says, "Where's the fire?" I start thinking to myself, "First he is annoyed that I'm going too slow, now I'm going too fast. MAKE UP YOUR MIND." It is hot and muggy, and the store is crazy with people everywhere and I'm starting to get irritated. After putting a few items in the cart, we notice that it is one of those squeaky-can't-push-it-in-a-straight-line kind of carts. We look at each other. I shrug and keep going. Jim huffs REALLY loud and stomps off to get a new cart. I wait for him. He comes back and *dramatically* transfers our items to the new cart. I giggle.

I have to tell him THREE times that he is putting the wrong refried beans in the cart. I'm sure people are watching us by this point. We get to the meat department. I start looking for the "buy one get one free" items in one area, and Jim goes down further to look. Neither one of us can figure out which fucking meat items are on sale. We start bitching to ourselves out loud about this. More staring. Then, I become obsessed with finding my favorite cheese. (Mexican Velveeta.) I'm craving it for some reason. Since this is not the regular store we shop at, neither one of us have the first clue where anything is in the store. It takes me like 40 minutes to find it because they don't keep it in the FUCKING CHEESE SECTION. Jim tries to keep up, bitching the whole way that I need to forget about the cheese.

Jim, then, becomes obsessed with getting ingredients to make banana splits because that is what HE is craving. (I am now focused on finding the on-sale pineapple chunks.) To make a long story short, we are nut-jobs out in public together. I think there were other little things that happened, but I can't remember them right now and I'm tired of typing, so bye.

My Spoiled Rotten Little Brat

That would be Louie. We have been on a tight budget lately, so I bought some less expensive dog food. Not CHEAP food, mind you, just less expensive. Usually, the brats are fed the highest quality dog food I can find, one that has flax seed oil and duck as main ingredients. (Good for the coat.) Lou and Mags did fine for about 2 weeks and inhaled the food like normal in about 20 seconds. The past few days, however, Louie has decided that this food isn't good enough for him. I pour it in his dish, he sniffs it, and then looks back up at me like, "Are you kidding me?" He takes one bite, then walks away huffing and pouts for about an hour. He only takes one bite at a time so that he doesn't starve to death. He accidentally dropped a piece of food in his water, and then he WOULDN'T DRINK THE WATER because, you know, EWW. So, he went and drank Maggie's water. Little fucker. He is now ignoring me and won't listen to a word I say. I am apparently being punished for feeding him crap food.

Oh, and BTW, Louie is not sick. I was eating toast the other day and when I went to go turn the stove off (gone 30 seconds or so) Louie had jumped up on the coffee table and devoured it before I got back.

Blowing up the neighborhood.

The kids: My stepson Bill, my stepson's cousin Nathan, and my husband. Being the safety-conscious and concerned parents that we are, here are the boys holding Roman Candles in their hands and lighting off illegal bottle rockets. They also lit off mortars, which were really quiet. Ha. I also took a picture of the sunset, which I'm calling a "nuclear sunset" because upon hearing about North Korea firing their test missiles I thought, "Hmm, I wonder if that's nuclear fallout." It was eerily beautiful. All said and done, we had fun, and everyone had all their body parts intact by the end of the evening. Happy 4th.

Eagle Falls

It was ninety frickin' five today. TOO HOT. I am sweating as I write this because we have no air conditioning, because who needs air conditioning in rainy Washington? We had to go propel ourselves into glacier water today to survive. We drove up to Eagle Falls on the Skykomish River, also known as "The Milepost 39 Swimming Hole", which is only about 30 minutes East into the mountains from our house. It felt really good (although Jim was kind of a wuss about it), and we also stopped at "Zekes" to belly-up on some grease. I am now a burnt lobster and want to die.

Chick Flick Day

Well, Annie said not to rush to the theatre, but I went and saw "The Lake House" anyway today. Actually, I liked it. Now SEE? I'm not JUST a psychopathic horror flick movie watcher, I am also a hopeless romantic. After that, I went home and BBQ'd buffalo burgers and watched "The Girl Next Door" on HBO On Demand. That was also good. It has been a successfully sappy day.

My Start in Horror

OK, Colleen has inspired me to write about how I became a horror movie fanatic and what actually scares me. Here's the scoop. Right now, the only things that actually scare me are spiders and children, BUT there was a time when really dumb horror movies did make me totally freak out. My mom and dad loved horror movies, so that's where it started.

We used to go camping a lot when I was a kid. We would hear bears wandering around the camp site at night. Try watching the movie "Prophecy" when you are 8, then go camping in the Pacific Northwest. We had Showtime when I was a kid, and when this movie would come on, I would dare myself to watch it. I would start out with my eyes closed and ears plugged. I would first unplug my ears. The sound of the "Mutated Prophecy Bear" would grunt and I would run out the room. If I tried to open my eyes, I would inevitably open them RIGHT as the bear was eating someone or throwing them against a tree. I tried to watch this movie again as an adult, and although I could watch it with no problems, my heart did palpitate during some of the scenes. I DO NOT KNOW WHY. Jim makes fun of me for being scared of this movie as a kid. Asshole.

Then there was "It's Alive". Yes, the monster baby movie. Maybe this is why I am afraid of children. My neighbor friend's brother was watching this movie in his room. We were in her room down the hall, but we all of a sudden heard that horrible shrieking monster-baby-thing growling, and we started screaming. We would crawl up next to her brother's door and try to watch, but we were too scared to actually go into his room.

Also, when I was just a wee little thing, my grandfather scared the living SHIT out of me. Remember that old black and white movie called "The Fly"? Yeah, the totally stupid one. It scared me senseless. THEN, after I went to bed, my grandpa decided to be evil, and he snuck into my room and softly said "Heeeelp Meeeee". I have never totally recovered from that.

So, there you go. What happened to me along the way? I dunno. Brain damage? Did "The Exorcist" scare me? Nope. Did "Friday the 13th" or "Freddy Krueger" scare me? Nope. Do those emails that have scary faces suddenly pop up scare me? Nope. They do startle me sometimes though, but I am wise to them now.

Answer to previous trivia question: "What mask was painted white and used for the original Michael Myers mask in the Halloween movie?" A "William Shatner" mask!

It's Coming!

If you have ever wanted to see me jump and down clapping my hands squealing in excitement, you missed your chance a few minutes ago. The official website is out for "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning". It is released in theatres October 6th, 2006. Go watch the trailer NOW.

Oh, and guess what? I found out that Rob Zombie is going to write and direct a "Halloween" remake. Yay! I actually didn't like the original all that much, but Mr. Zombie will captivate my attention for sure.

Some more trivia: What mask was painted white and used for the original "Michael Myers" mask in the Halloween movie?

Trivia Question Answer

That quote is from one of my favorite movies, "Million Dollar Baby". Clint Eastwood said it to Hilary Swank.

Movie Quote Game

Guess that movie:

"What did I do wrong?"
"Two things. One, you asked a question, and two, you asked another question."

Anybody know it?

Just Another Day in Paradise

So how am I, you ask? Well, let's examine that.

Today driving to work I threw up on myself. Yes, I know. It just came UP. I had to drive back home and change my shirt. Good thing I didn't eat breakfast. I left a McDonalds bag full of bile on my driveway. I also have CRAMPS FROM LEFT HELL. The upside of that? I'm not pregnant. I'm a little grumpy today. Leave me alone.

My Crazy Little Wedding

I was reminiscing the other day about my crazy little wedding almost 12 years ago. Just before I walked down the aisle, I had the great need for a cigarette. Yes, the smoking bride sneaking a cigarette in the back of the church against the rules. My mom loves this picture of me. That's Yerdoingitwrong there beside me. Remember that, Annie?

Then there were the boys. They decided it would be funny to write "HELP ME" on the bottom of Jim's shoes. Losers. Good times.

666

Being that today is 06-06-06, I am just WAITING to see which crazy whack-job is going to do what. You just KNOW that someone is just getting ready to explode with insanity over this. I have already heard about some shooting on the freeway, and some schools in the area have received bomb-threats.

Anyway, in the craziness that is my world EVERY day, I was driving to work this morning and the most bizarre thing happened. A little black bird landed on the ground in front of my car, thud! Dead. It seemed to just 'fall' out of the sky. Lovely, huh? Also, last night Louie (my dog) was acting all weird. He is acting all needy and cuddly. This is so not Louie. Usually when you try and love on him, he acts like you have cooties. Also, when Jim got home from work yesterday (he gets home before me) and he went to let Louie out of his crate, Louie wouldn't come out. Usually, he bolts out the crate like he's been shot from a cannon. He has NEVER just sat in there and looked at you. He knows it is potty time and dinnertime. STRANGE. He is not sick, either. He was weird all night. It is making me jumpy. Earthquake, maybe? I don't know, but strange things are afoot here.

Tag, I'm it.

Annie is the culprit on this one.

1. I am: CrazyDogMama.
2. I want: More money.
3. I hate: Meatloaf. Gross.
4. I miss: Friends, the sitcom.
5. I fear: Children.
6. I wonder: If I will EVER be thin again.
7. I regret: Getting Louie neutered. I could totally pimp him out right now and make some $$.
8. I am not: Naked right now.
9. I dance: Naked in front of my dogs when no one is home. They seem to enjoy it.
10. I sing: Along with CDs in the car by myself.
11. I cry: When I'm frustrated and angry.
12. I am not always: Nice.
13. I make with my hands: A mess, usually.
14. I write: Instead of talk on the phone.
15. I confuse: Most people.
16. I need: A nap.
17. I should: Be cleaning right now instead of wasting time doing this.
18. I start: My period in a week.
19. I finish: Nothing. Except this tag.

I now tag JIM and DAN.

Fight Club

So, this kickboxing place that I have been known to frequent is starting a new program called "Fight Club". I could bite people and stuff! I'm totally thinking of doing it.

C.T.E.T. Fighter Training (Fight Club)

What is the C.T.E.T. Reality Based Self-Defense Program? This is a No Nonsense, No Rules, Realistic, Anything Goes program. The course is designed to train you in realistic situations that you would really find yourself in on the street if ever attacked. We train combat proven techniques for all types of real-world situations. This class is also designed to help prepare students mentally for these situations. We allow students 13 & Up into this program. The course is great for Men, Women and Teens! The instructor is a former soldier with a U.S. Army Rapid Deployment Unit, a former Federal Police Officer, a former Government Security Force Member, and has almost 15 years martial arts experience.

Simplifying

So, my new blog template is posting for me in about a nano-second instead of three hours. This is good. It may not be that original, but hey, it works. My doctor said that any type of simplification of my life will be good for my stress level, so here are things that I'm doing:

1. A non-complicated blog.
2. Only one job.
3. Letting my hair dry naturally instead of fighting with hair creme, the hairdryer and the straightener.
4. Margaritas with only 2 ingredients: Tequila and "Fat Mama's Knock You Naked Margarita Mix". (Instead of individual sweet and sour, lime juice...etc.) This is an important one, folks.
5. Turning off my cell phone when I don't want to be interrupted.
6. Returning emails when I FEEL LIKE IT instead of replying immediately for fear that the world will come off of its axis.
7. Repeating the most awesome line from a movie EVER to shew away those menfolk who are irritating me: "Go play with your dick." (From "Rumor Has It", said by Shirley MacLaine.)

I'm feeling better already.

Do Over.

FUCK IT. I'm just starting with a whole new look. Simplicity.

I'm having issues.

Help Me! Judging from the clumps of hair on my desk that I have pulled out, I need some help. As you can see, my sidebar on the right is GONE. Well, not gone, but pushed down to the very bottom of the screen. I cannot figure out how to fix it. I am about to jam a pen into my eye. If you go to 'View" then "Source" you can see my html code. If you know how to fix this, PLEASE HELP ME SO I DON'T START SCRATCHING OFF MY ARM SKIN. Thank you, and good night.

A day in the life.

Alarm goes off, hit snooze and knock over alarm and some nail polish remover I left uncovered the night before. Get up and pee. Go back to bed. Get up approximately 1 hour later and clean up mess. Skip shower, fuck it, I'm clean enough. Grab brownie and run out the door. Get iced mocha. Watch gas light on dashboard come on. Ignore it and drive 30 more miles. Start to panic because I have a meeting at work at 8 am, and OMG I have NO GAS. Get to work with one minute to spare and have no idea how I will make it to a gas station on my lunch break. Can't find meeting notes. Find meeting notes, get to meeting 5 minutes late. It's all good. Did I mention it was a meeting that I called? Yes, late to my own meeting. Go back to desk, finish mocha, do blog.

My Side of the Story.

Jim has decided to blog about his "perception" of one of our first dates. Now, while this story is incredibly embarrassing for me, and mostly true, there ARE a few details he left out, so I am here to clear those details right up. I am also going to tell the story about the hike through the cow pasture and the vampire bunnies.

First of all, yes, I did drink 9 double rum and cokes that night, but what you have to understand is that I was 21 years old and really excited about the whole "I can go to bars now!" thing. If I was to attempt that now, I would die. Second of all, he had TWO beers? Yeah, pull this one it plays jingle bells. Third of all, while I did become loud and maybe (a little) obnoxious, the reason I told everybody he was going to kick their ass is because they were all hitting on me, and I just wanted to play darts. So, you know, sexual harassment and shit. I was totally justified.

Now for the cow pasture story. This might be a 'you had to be there' story, but if you think about it, it's kind of hilarious. We had just graduated from the police academy and Jim's parents rented us a cabin in the mountains for a few days to celebrate. We thought we were THE SHIT being 'official' cops and stuff. We decided to go on a hike and explore a little bit, and we brought our guns with us (for safety). As we went, it started to get dark. No problem! We have guns! The problem was, we got lost. Totally and completely fucking lost. Idiots. We stumbled into a cow pasture and suddenly were face to face with a bunch of scary looking (huge!) cows and a bull. SHIT. We froze. They all just stared at us, unmoving. We heard a low and menacing "MOO" and some grunts. We looked at each other and said, "Oh crap." We pulled our guns out, because we were convinced that we were about to be killed by satanic cows and a bull. Inside our guns were "Hollow Point" bullets. These are police department issued bullets, that every officer has to ACCOUNT FOR. My first thought was, "Oh mother of hell, we are cops for 2 days and we are going to have to explain putting Hollow Points in a bunch of motherfucking cows." We tip-toed through the pasture, and amazingly, didn't have to plug any of the cows. We were, however, still lost. Jim started to panic because we were lost. My knight in shining armor. Anyway, we did eventually find our way back, BUT, then there were the bunnies.

In the little camp site where our cabin was, there were about 30 bunnies running around. Feeling like we got a second chance at life and giddy that we found our way home, Jim decided to go cut up some carrots for the cute little bunnies. He cut the shit out of himself. (I can't believe we actually graduated from the Police Academy and that they gave us weapons.) As he was bleeding all over the cabin, down the steps and out onto the dirt road, he STILL WANTED TO GIVE THE BUNNIES THE BLOOD-SOAKED CARROTS. I KNOW. So, after we went to bed, I'm all thinking, "Great. We just gave those bunnies a taste for blood. They will surely come and eat us before dawn." We have never been back to that cabin.

Aaahh, and also Derrr.

There. was. a. spider. in. the. shower. with. me. this. morning. First, it startled me, THEN, I contemplated whether or not I should scream bloody murder and wake Jim up, or just keep an eagle-eye on the thing and keep my naked body as far away from it as possible. You know, because there is NO FREAKING WAY I'm touching it. I decided since it was a small spider, that Jim would kill me for waking him up over it, so I co-showered with the hideous thing.

Later, while driving to work, Jim called me on my cell phone. I told him about the spider incident. The conversation went like this:

Me: "There was a SPIDER in the shower with me this morning!"
Jim: "Did you kill it? I didn't hear you scream."
Me: "No, I just left it alone."
Jim: "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Me: "I don't know."
(Meanwhile, Jim goes into the bathroom to check out the huge beast I left for him to deal with.)
Jim: "You have GOT to be kidding me! This little, tiny thing? You're right, if you had screamed over this and woke me up, I would have been pissed."

Now, let me give you a little insight into my extreme spider phobia. I grew up in a house with a daylight basement where my room happened to be located. Big, fat, hairy wolf spiders were EVERWHERE. In my clothes, in the towels, in the walls, in the shower. Once, while taking a shower, a bunch of those big hairy fuckers FELL OUT OF THE LIGHT over the shower ONTO MY NAKED BODY. You cannot imagine that kind of horror nor the fact that I learned how to fly that morning. I crashed through the shower door screaming and traumatized for life. You could say that I suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I was also bitten once by a brown recluse spider while camping. My leg got all swollen and it looked like an egg was laid on my calf, and it HURT BAD.

So, you see, me no like spiders. It doesn't matter how big or small they are.

I am also a dumbass. I sold out and signed up for AdSense through Google (hence the ads on my page now) and because I am a little bit of a dolt when it comes to HTML code, I can't quite figure it out. Just be patient with me while I pull my hair trying to figure it out.

Annie Stories

OK SISTER, you asked for it!

Annie is one of my best buds who has been through hell and back with me. We spent A LOT of time together (pretty much every day) between the ages of 19 and 24. Here are some of the things I can remember, which is amazing because we were blind drunk half the time.

Annie got drunk on "Mad Dog" one night at her apartment with me and several other friends. She got sick. I held her over the toilet. She got vomit on my feet. Which made me vomit. Melanie, another friend of ours, was puking in her kitchen sink. Someone else was puking off the porch. Ah, to be young again. That same night, someone had the very bright idea to VIDEO TAPE us, not puking, but singing and acting like total drunk retards. I really wish I could find that video tape. I could put it on the internet. Annie and I were singing the "Brady Bunch" theme song, forgetting half of the words.

Annie had this roommate once that we all hated. Including her. I can't remember her name, but I remember making fun of her "pastel decorations" and the fact that she sang REALLY loud in the bathroom to the "Counting Crows" while getting ready. I think someone may have rubbed her little pack of veggie-snacks in the crack of their ass and then put it back in the refrigerator.

One time while riding the chair lift skiing, Annie and I belted out a little tune that goes like this, "It's so easy to fall in love, it's so eeeeasy to fa-ahl-in love!" over and over and OVER again. You see, we don't like to draw attention to ourselves.

Annie and I would go to Shari's (like Denny's) for like, a gazillion hours, just smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. One by one, people would join us until there was about 10 people crammed into a booth. This is how Annie met her first husband. (Ahem, I mean fucktard.)

OK, enough for now. More later. Hey, Annie, remember the "Dollar-fucking-25-lighter"? LOL. You rock, girl, and I'm so glad we still hang out! (Even though we're old, boring married couples now.)

Run and Hide!

Guess who is doing a blog now? Yeah, my hubby. I am totally freaked. He is so going to get even with me for all my posts about him. I am going to have to be nice to him and shit now. Go visit and leave a comment so he can feel all egomaniacal. Just so you know, HE LIES. (Just remember this for any future posts about me. Thank you.) I am not responsible for his material. I'm just sayin'.

Behold the Behemoth

Look at this damn thing. Now I won't have any excuses.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Can't. Think. Of. Anything. To. Blog. About.

I guess I should take a picture of the monstrosity we just put up in our garage that renders me powerless against exercise excuses from now on. Our friends gave us this big weight training thingy and bench. I'll post it later when I get home, you know, after I use it, so my husband doesn't kill me for taking away his "husbandland" and turning it into a gym. Hehe. Shit.

Poker Night

Here's the evidence of poker night. I hope I don't get my ass kicked for this picture. (Annie, remember you said it was OK when I said, "I'm blogging this".)

My lovely husband looks like he is squeezing out a turd. Left to right: Amy, Joel, Matt, Jim, Annie. Totally fun night.

Grillin' and Chillin'

Seattle has finally decided to have sunshine, and we had a fabulous weekend of soaking it up. I have to tell you that I make the best kabobs ever in the history of the world, I marinate the meat in red wine and ginger/sesame teriyaki, and then skewer it with prawns, onions, peppers and pineapple that have been brushed with olive oil and black pepper. YUM. It goes well with strawberry margaritas, I might add.

Photos: My grillin' man (we also did ribs), my badass kabobs, my badass strawberry margarita, chillin' Lou, and chillin' Mags. Doesn't get any better than this.

Crop Circles

So, what do y'all think of crop circles? Gimme your theories. Otter, you and I both know it is Chuck Norris, but I want to see what everyone else thinks.

Friday night all to myself!

Hubs is going to a Mariner's game tonight. His friend bought him tickets for his birthday. What to do, what to do. Should I drink margaritas and watch horror movies, or should I do the dishes, laundry and clean out the pantry? Maybe I'll clean while drinking margaritas, yeah, that's it! No telling what the place will look like tomorrow.

For the love of God, go leave him a comment.

Mr. NoRemorse is all whiny about not getting readers and is referring to me as his "only" reader. He is also pissy that I advertised the "Yerdoingitwrong" blog, and not his. Well, here is your great big fat apology and plug, my friend. Happy blogging! Congrats on your engagement!

Corners

Do you ever turn corners too fast and "clip" them with your shoulder, only to fall over and giggle while saying "OW" whilst your coworkers point and laugh?

Yeah, me neither.

I feel hungover but I haven't been drinking.

After a nice 5 days off, it was back to work yesterday. It went OK, but today is sucking big wang so far. Sorry to be negative here, peeps, but not every day in my world is cute fuzzy chicks and sunny sunshine. For starters, I woke up late. Then, while driving to work, a big rock smashed my windshield and it's not like I have the money to fix it. Then, I got to work and found out there are a whole bunch of debits on my bank account that I didn't know about, that will make my account go negative tomorrow. and I don't get paid until Friday. Fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck. I felt the need to cuss, get over it. Guess I need to start praying again. Also, repenting for cussing.

Me, the kid and our little Spring Break.

My stepson is staying with us for part of his Spring Break, and I took a few days off to be with him. So today was our first day together while Jim went off to work at 5 am. What did we do you ask? We slept in. Until noon. Jim called on his lunch break at 11:30 and left, like, 4 messages, 2 on the home phone, 1 on my cell phone and 1 on his son's cell phone. No one answered. The messages went something like this, "Hey! Where the hell are you guys? Hello? Guys? What is going on? Where ARE you? Hey!" Once we stumbled out of bed, I'm all like, I think your dad called, whoops.

Right now, we are alternating between watching movies and playing video games. Go outside in the sunshine? Nah.

Stories about me you won't read here.

One of my best friends just started a blog. I am thrilled, and just a little scared. We go way back and have done some seriously funny things. I'm sure you will enjoy her, she is funnier and even more sarcastic than me. She's "Yerdoingitwrong" at blogspot.