I'm trying to stay awake.

This is not usually a problem for me, I'm a night owl. But I'm tired tonight. Hope everyone else is having more fun than me. Sorry Juice, I wasn't up to the drive to "Mucklevegas". I didn't know it was two hours from me. All of a sudden, I'm in a funk. Not a good way to start the new year, but I do have an hour left.

No plans yet.

I'm sure I'll have a date with the couch and the Crackberry.

Does anyone have New Year's plans after 35? The last time I got crazy was 1993. There was beer dripping from the ceiling. Now? I'll probably be blogging at the stroke of midnight. HOLD ME BACK! LOL.  When I very first got the internet back in 1995, I was in a chat room and didn't even realize it was midnight. Yes, the addiction started way back then. I do have some champagne in the fridge, may as well drink it. My mom was iffy about driving all the way up to my house, so I don't know if I'll have a champagne buddy or not. My mom is funny when she drinks. Hi mom! ;-) In the waitressing years, I was working making serious bank. Now it's just another day. Another day in paradise.

Anyway, if you want to ring in the new year with me, I'm sure I'll be here on the CDM Bloggery. Those of you who have my phone number can text me, then we can be super cool together on New Year's Eve!

Just for fun.

I was told to use each letter of the Alphabet and relate it to myself somehow with a word or phrase. Alrighty. Whatever.

A - Anal Retentive. I am a perfectionist, especially with paperwork and projects. It takes me a millenium to paint a room because every single little spot has to be right.

B - Blackberry. It is an appendage.

C - For Cheryl AND CrazyDogMama!

D - Dogs. Love 'em.

E - Email. Can't live without it.

F - Fun. Love to have it.

G - Google. Use it every day.

H - Horror movies. Awesome!

I - Intense. I am very intense.

J - Jittery. I drink a lot of coffee.

K - Kabobs. Love to make them, love to eat them.

L - Longing. I'm doing that.

M - Mochas. Drink them almost every day.

N - Neurotic. Who me?

O - Orion. I like constellations and looking at the stars.

P - Photography. I love it. I want to get better at it.

Q - Quirky. That would be me.

R - Raising Hell. I'm good at it.

S - Sultry. Someone told me I was "sultry" once. I went with it.

T - Tulips. So pretty.

U - Ulcer. I think I have one.

V - Voracious. My appetite for many things.

W - Writing. I do a lot of it.

X - X-Men. I used to draw the comic book characters from this comic when I was young.

Y - Yearning. I do this too.

Z - ZZZZZ. I either can't sleep or sleep too much.

Sweater Boots!

For those of us with oversized calves. It is ALL muscle, I'm telling you.

So, what has CrazyDogMama been up to? Well, I left work yesterday and went to my mom's to promptly take a nap. Then, we went out for Mexican food and went shopping. I've GOT to stop with the shopping, but I only bought socks and maybe another cheap movie. I already had the boots. I am in all black today, I'm in mourning my money.

What's in store for my New Year's? Stay tuned. I don't know yet.

California Dreaming

I looked at my California pictures last night while I was *attempting* to organize them. What a mess. I am missing the sun and the pool and the fun right about now. We've come into what I call the "boring months", and if you've read my blog for any length of time, you know I hate February. HATE it. I know I've never explained why, but it is some pretty heavy stuff that is sensitive and personal. Some really bad things have happened to me in more than a few Februarys, one of them on Valentine's Day, which is why I generally don't celebrate it. So, fuck February. Maybe something good will happen in February 2009. You never know. I'd like to put my past in the past. For Good. Sometimes if you replace bad memories with good ones, you can recover.

Anyway, back to California. I'm probably going back this summer, hopefully for 2 weeks, unless I can come up with a way to get somewhere else. I'm not holding my breath.

I look like Holy hell today.

I don't even want to post a picture. Bad hair day, bad face day, bad everything day. Don't look at me today. I spent my usual time getting ready, but it was futile. The planets must not be aligned correctly. It could be my attire. I have on black slacks, a purple lace top and hiking boots. No, it's the hair. and my breakout. Enough to put a girl in a pissy mood. This is the day when I will run into somebody from Highschool, or a cute guy, or some old boyfriend and I look like I have been camping. LOL. It's Murphy's Law. To remedy this, I'm going to go get my nails done and go tanning. Maybe I'll make a hair appointment. Something. Normally I wouldn't care this much, but I've really been trying to improve and take care of myself. I have all these new clothes, makeup, etc. and it's a lot of work! It is like working on a car for 6 months and it won't start. Frustrating.

There is NOTHING going on. Nothing. I have no exciting news, nothing fun to talk about, and nothing stupid has happened to me today. Yet. I'll work on it.

The Verve

I love me some Verve. The same guys that did "Bittersweet Symphony" and "Lucky Man" (one of my all-time favorite songs). They have a new one out that I'm swooning over called "Love is Noise". Check it out!

Here is my neck.

Actually, I was trying to take a pic of the earrings, not my neck, but whatever. Then there is me being blind. I have to cook with my glasses on now because my eyesight just keeps getting worse and worse. Sometimes I mix up the shampoo and conditioner bottles. Which is neat. The other night I almost dropped my glasses in the brownie mix.

Contemplating

You can see the sheer joy on my face. I stayed up entirely too late working on some computer projects, so I'm a little loopy this morning. 2009 is right around the corner and I wonder what it will bring. I could NEVER have guessed any of the events of 2008. The good ones or the bad ones. I can't say that it was a horrible year, I had some really neat things happen. I even got to go to California 3 times. It wasn't all bad. I've made a TON of changes in my personal life, and plan to keep going with that. I'm curious about the future at this point. There is both hesitation and excitement to see how things flow. The unknown is becoming less and less scary to me, and change is welcomed. Yes, my heart hurts in some ways, but I have many people to thank for my metamorphosis. My hope was dead for awhile, but I think it found it's way through. Remember, things happen for a reason (even bad things) and what is meant to be will be. That statement is comforting to me right now. Life can turn on a dime as time deems appropriate. Not everything is our decision, yet some things are.

What do you REALLY want from the new year? I don't do resolutions anymore; I just reflect and move forward accordingly. Keeping a blog and journal really help with reflection. Tell me, do you have plans, goals, something you are looking forward to? How did you change this year? I really want to know.

I bought stuff.

Just for fun, I got "Beetlejuice" for $7.50, 2 pairs of earrings for $5 and a nice, genuine leather wallet for $19.99. Now that's good shopping!

Grocery Shopping with CrazyDogMama

This is some very tasty salad dressing. Also, I miss blue toilet ducks. I really do. They were awesome. I'm getting one of those pre-roasted rotisserie chickens for dinner, because today is NOT a cooking day.

Nice Truck

Sorry about the penis.

Bath Products & Snowmaggedon

You know what's annoying? Putting on mascara, then sneezing. Girls, you know what I mean. You have all these little black marks all over your eyeballs that takes an HOUR to get off, then you have to start ALL over again with the eye makeup.

Anyway, here is the big basket of bath stuff that I got for Christmas, and what parking lots look like now. There are big piles of snowbanks everywhere.

I am officially losing it.

Not only am I leaving strange comments ON MY OWN BLOG, I go into rooms forgetting why I went in there, I burnt my tongue on a piece of pumpkin bread this morning, I have weird dreams, I pace around the house, and I talk to myself. Sign me up for the funny farm, seriously. My blog is just getting weirder and weirder, and I don't know why.

A Dream

I just woke up from a bizarre dream. In the dream, I woke up in a big bed, no one was in it but me, but it wasn't my bed. I got up and started looking around. I was in a big house with lots of windows. It was very neat and clean, but sparsely decorated. In the bathroom, a bunch of brand-new bath stuff was laid out for me. So, I took a bath. Afterward, I went downstairs. Still no one. There was hardly any food in the kitchen, but there was some fresh fruit laying out for me. I saw a note on the kitchen table that said, "I'll meet you on the back patio in one hour." It was sunny and warm outside. (That sounds nice right now!) I didn't know when the note was written, so I went out on the patio. I heard someone come in the front door, whistling. That's all I can remember.

Pumpkin Loaf

Behold the pumpkin loaf. To be served with coffee and cool whip. What the hell am I going to do with all of this food?

Butternut Squash Ravioli

It was a cooking day. I decided to make some scrumptious butternut squash raviolis with ricotta and fontina cheese in a light garlic butter cream sauce with parmesan and white wine.

I was only able to eat 4 of the ravioli's because they were so rich. I also made fresh baked bread! In the oven is my pumpkin loaf for dessert. Can you say carb-loading? I knew you could. Ha!

I am going to have to dial it down come January because if I keep this up, I will weigh 500 pounds in no time. I've been eating like I have a tape worm! My butt needs to get back to the gym VERY soon. But for right now, I am all about the comfort food!

Hormones

I am feeling lazy today, coming down off of the holidays. I also have a sty in my eye. Those hurt! I also keep having acne breakouts right around my cycle. I have to go talk to my OB about my hormones, because something is up. Aren't you glad you read my blog? LOL. I can't help it; I can talk about most anything without getting embarrassed. I only talk about myself, though, I would never want to violate anyone else's privacy. Some people love it, some people hate it, but this is me. Take it or leave it. You must be OK with it; you're still reading my blog! Wait, don't go!

I am in a baking mood. I'm going to make a pumpkin loaf, I think. I have a great recipe. I'll take a pic for you. Per usual. There, is that better? No one is offended by pumpkin loaf, right?

Trainwreck

Today. What am I doing today? Well, I woke up to RAIN, glorious RAIN. Never thought I would say that! It is going to be a flood, but I've had enough snow. I have to do some work from home, and I have to go buy a new wallet. Yesterday, while out shopping, I opened the zipper compartment of change, and the zipper just kept coming right off, along with flying coins all over the place. It was fun. I always draw attention to myself (not meaning to) when I'm out. I'm a trainwreck.

Anyway, I just ordered a black bra online (you really wanted to know that I'm sure) and now I'm blogging because I realized it was noon already and I hadn't said anything yet. The shame! I didn't wake up until 10:30, so sue me. I just couldn't get out of bed. Blah. My phone is ringing, gotta go.

OMG I just realized how awful that bath robe picture of me is! Yikes.

Clearance

I love the word "clearance". I just got THE coziest, comfiest robe in the WORLD. It's one of those hotel robes. For cheap! Now my home spa just needs one of those Swiss showers with jets all over the walls shooting at you from every direction and then the big sunflower overhead nozzle that feels like rain coming down. I would never leave the shower! Too bad I can only afford clearance items. Bah.

Snowing Again

Hi! The interview didn't happen, my interviewer seems to be MIA. Did she forget? Maybe it's the weather. It's FREAKING SNOWING AGAIN. I have close to 2 feet of snow. ENOUGH ALREADY. I'm taking my mom home via a little after Christmas sale shopping. Like I need more stuff. I'm hungry so I'll blog later.

2nd Interview

Good morning, all. I have a second interview this morning with that cancer research company that I spoke with when I was in California. Wish me luck, this would be way more money. I like where I'm at now, but it makes my budget a little tight and with contracting, there are not many benefits. I haven't heard back from Tennessee yet, not expecting to until after the first of the year. I'll report back later.

Too much eating.

I am so full I am going to burst. I can't even finish my cake. I goofed and took a long nap and didn't get my prime rib in the oven until 6 pm with a two hour cook time. Oops. It's just as well, though, because I made Belgian waffles with strawberries, eggs and bacon for breakfast and the appetite didn't quite come back until late anyway. My mom, who weighs about a buck-o-five, ate as much as me who weighs a tad more. I was so glad! I need to fatten that woman up!

Despite feeling blue for the holidays, I had a very nice Christmas. The company was great, the generosity was HUGE, and I was feeling blessed. I was sad that most all the traditions I was used to had to change this year, and I was down quite a few people, but it turned out better than expected. I hope all of you had a great day, too. I received some cool new bath stuff, and I intend on pampering myself ASAP.

CrazyDogMama signing off, I have some wine to drink and some relaxing to do.

A Very Merry Christmas from CrazyDogMama & the Pups

I truly hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you for being a part of my blog and life.

 
Love, from CrazyDogMama and the pups.

Observations

Well, I have to get some work done, then I'm going to take a nap. Drinking (much) wine and appetizers is the agenda for the evening.

Observation of the day: A front wheel drive Mercedes had his chains on the rear wheels. I guess being rich doesn't make you smart.

Double chin hider.

I have to go out in this mess. You have to have milk to make mochas. Ug.

Oh, Louie.

This is Louie's idea of peeing outside. Good grief. At least it's not on the carpet. It's snowing AGAIN. I think this will be my first white Christmas ever. Too bad I'm not 8. Well, Merry Christmas Eve. Yippee. I'm going to go eat some cake.

KFC

Here's my big rant as promised. KFC no longer sells potato salad. WTF? Fascists.

Christmas Toes

Oh my Lord what a madhouse! Leaving early was a good idea in THEORY. With the approaching storm, last minute shoppers and bad road conditions, traffic SUCKED! It took me an hour to go 5 blocks.

But I did manage to give myself a little Christmas present, a much-needed pedicure. See my Christmas toes? I know you love them. Grabbed my mom and now I'm waiting in the Costco parking lot for her so we can get some stuff. Perfect time to blog. :-) I'm sure I'll have some philosophical diatribe late this evening, I feel a rant coming on.

Incoming Storm

I get to get off early today and work from home tomorrow! There is another storm coming in tonight and they don't want me to have to deal with it or miss anymore work. My mom is coming to stay with me starting tonight, too, so that works out perfect!

I'm going to make us Christmas dinner, so leaving early today gives me time to go do the grocery shopping and not be out late. I'm making prime rib, scalloped potatoes, asparagus, salad, rolls, and chocolate cake for dessert! Of course, there will be wine and spiked eggnog as well. It will just be my mom, Jim and I, but I'm trying really hard to make it nice. We've all been through a lot, and I really want to appreciate every moment the best I can.

Purple Bathroom!

In order to keep myself busy and not sit on the pity pot of depression, I am developing a set of projects for myself that I want to get done.

Recently, the purple bathroom was accomplished, with new fixtures (except I still need a new faucet). I've wanted to do this for so long, and I finally found the perfect shade of lavender, and had the time and motivation. I now need to paint the bedroom and master bath, the laundry room, and the office. Then my house won't look so much like an apartment, and potentially will be prettier if I go to sell. I need new carpet in the worst way, but that is going to have to wait.

I also need to organize my digital pictures. That will be a job and a half. I need to give away a bunch of clothes. I need to have another garage sale. I'm tired of "stuff", I want to go minimal. Quality, not quantity. I also need to deep clean. Fun, fun, fun! The Bahamas are just going to have to wait for my next life.

What in the hell am I doing?

This is the title of my post. It should be my mantra. Have you ever thought this? This is a daily conversation I have with myself. What in the HELL am I doing?

What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? This is not even close to where I thought I'd be at 37. Not that I thought I was going to be a rockstar or anything, but usually people have SOMETHING figured out by now. Not me. It's not a midlife crisis, I don't need to relive my youth, I'm GLAD to be done with that. I've definitely gained some life wisdom, but I'm stuck. What now? I still need to move, not run, just move. I still have unfinished business. Sometimes I do the dumbest things and say the dumbest things. I also TYPE the dumbest things. But that's OK. Live and learn. You want to know something weird? I was in a pretty good mood today, then I went to bed and got all teary. The joys of being a woman, I guess. I got up because I thought it was ridiculous to be feeling and acting this way, and now I'm writing, because that's what I do when I'm restless and twitchy. I write. It's my therapy, and my outlet. The movie I just saw had a line in it that really got to me. It is what turned on the waterworks. A female in the movie said, "My life has been unremarkable in every way." I feel like that sometimes. Life is not about money or success or things or fame, but people. It's about people. I wonder if I have had an impact on anyone, ever. I'm sure I probably have, but it still makes me wonder. Have I been too selfish? Have I been too self-involved to see others? I reach out a lot, but usually manage to push everything and everyone farther away. That's probably why I like dogs. Crap, I don't even know where this post is going! I'm just blindly writing and letting whatever is in there, come out. That is the beauty of writing for me, to just spill out what is on the inside and try to make sense of it. I never really expected anyone to read it. Maybe no one is. Why is contentment and/or happiness so elusive? It's not like I'm the only one who struggles with this. In fact, I believe the majority of people are either in this same place right now or have been at some point in their lives. If I could just get a handle on a direction, then maybe I could get focused. I don't know. Someday this dark cloud will dissipate, but for now, I have questions.

Are you content? Is this all there is? What in the hell am I doing?

I had to go to work.

Well thank you for all the compliments today, I'm touched! You guys know how much I love comments anyway. It's what makes it all worth it.

I'm mostly goofing off (as you can see), trying to get SOME work done. No one hardly is here, and I have questions. Usually, I don't have to worry about going to work when it snows, because I can take paid time off, or work from home. But with a new contract job, that's not happening. So here I am! Got my snow boots on and everything.

I can't believe Christmas is Thursday, it just doesn't FEEL like Christmas. Things are just so weird anymore in my life. I don't recognize anything. I still have my sense of humor, though.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Whine, complain.

Winter Wonderland & Cozy Attire

Pictures galore! I wore my purple fuzzy scarf today since I blubbered into my other one on Friday. I'm feminine from the waste up and bulky commando boot attire from the waist down. LOL. I just had a nice TREACHEROUS 2-hour commute, and I never saw pavement. I heard on the radio that the weather here hasn't been this bad since 1968. Neat! And it isn't finished yet, or so they say.

Despite snow walls, compact snow and ice and being broke, I'm actually in a good mood today! (Don't fall over.) I'm glad to be among the living. I could only find one open coffee stand (pictured) and got winked at by a cute guy! A good way for any girl to start her day. My computer isn't working here at work, so a-blogging-I-will-do on the Crackberry for your amusement, and mine. There is no one here to fix it yet.

What do you want for Christmas?

I need a Christmas miracle. Really, what do you want? If you could have ANYTHING? Is your wish generic or specific? Is it something shiny, or something for the heart? Tell me. Pretend I'm Santa.

I'm finally going back to work. I'd never thought I would be GLAD to go back to work. It still sucks out there but cabin fever is nuts. I promise I'll blog better today, yesterday was a hard day.

Wine with a side of pasta.

I have had a really bad day. Uber crappy. Instead of getting into it, I'll show you the pasta I'm making with a large amount of red wine in it. Angry cooking is what I call it.

Soul on Fire

I'm bouncing off the frigging walls.

I'm sorry, but it's just the truth of things. I need to get an out of state job ASAP. I think it would really help me.

Emotional, Sorry

Yes, I deleted the last post because I sounded like an idiot. I do that well. I'm just in the middle of a difficult and challenging process, and I get emotional some times. Life is hard. I need to get a helmet.

The storm is kicking some ass right now. I'm trying to get some video.

It is scary out there.

LORD HAVE MERCY!

Right now, I am huddled in a ball with the pups, and I am hearing frightening things outside. It's like a horror movie or something! Except I'm living it. The wind is screaming, then roaring, things are cracking, and the house is moaning. It is like a sub-zero hurricane. Jim is snoring and is of no help whatsoever. How can he sleep? I might have to wake his ass up. If I had a fireplace, I would be curled up in front of it, but no. Nothing normal like that, here. I'm wondering if we are going to lose power, the wind is fierce. If that happens, it's off to a hotel. If I can GET to one. The snow is piling up, too. Good grief, this is going to be a big fat mess.

This storm is something else, I've never quite experienced anything like it before. Not in my 30+ years of living here in Washington, anyway. It's crazy. I hope the house stays intact. Geez.

Don't make fun of me, it's Christmas.

I wrote this. Don't exactly know what it is. A poem? A song? Thoughts? You decide.

I wish I could look into your eyes, to see who you are.
I wish I could touch your face, so I would know you are real.
I wish I could lay my head on your chest, to hear you heart.
I wish you didn't feel so far.

I talk to you, but you won't talk back.
I find myself needing you when I'm full of fear, but do you hear me?
Do you know I'm still here?

Even in the silence,
Even in my despair, I know you are present somehow, I know you are there.

Keep me close, don't let me go, someday we'll be face to face and all emptiness will fade away.

Bracing for the Storm

Listen to this outlook for tonight and tomorrow, and remember, I already have 14 inches of snow and no fireplace. I'm totally screwed. Not only will I be in trouble if I lose power, but I'm worried about no work again next week. I guess this is when faith comes in, huh?

Puget Sound Weather Outlook

Updated Saturday 9:00 a.m.

This morning is the calm before the storm. Temperatures will bottom out in the low-mid teens, although some areas were much colder -- below zero, even! Arlington reported a temperature this morning of -3, while it was -1 in Sedro-Woolley and -2 just outside of Lake Stevens.

Strong winds will begin to pick up in the Cascade foothills this morning and increase in strength through the day. Peak winds of sustained 50-60 mph gusting to 70-90 mph are possible between 7 p.m. Saturday and 7 a.m. Sunday.

The rest of the area will be dry with increasing clouds, then heavy snow will develop around late afternoon in the south, pushing north through the Seattle metro area in the early evening. Several inches of snow are likely throughout Western Washington, save for the foothills, by Sunday morning.

The situation could be particularly dire along the far north coast, where you will get a combination of heavy snow and very strong winds. A rare BLIZZARD WARNING is in effect there.

At least I had a nice dream. I didn't want to wake up. It was everything I want in life, and I would have been just fine staying asleep forever. I was so disappointed when I woke up. Some of my bad dreams come true, so maybe, just maybe, this good one will.

Seven Pounds

WOW. Good movie! Very heavy, very intense. I'm glad I sat in the back row because I was blubbering into my scarf. The pic is of me STILL crying after the movie in the theatre bathroom. I waited until everyone left because I was embarrassed. It struck a few heart strings for me, as I'm sure it will for many. I can't tell you much about it, just go see it not knowing anything. It will make sense later. It's deep.

Oh, and it is TEN outside, and a tad slippery, but I'm so glad I got out. I needed that!

All Dressed Up

I'm going to the movies! Will be seeing "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith. I may even grab a burger. I'll give a full report when I get back. Screw you, snow and ice!