My Grandpa

I just got word that my grandpa is going to die. I am devastated. I love him so much; he is such a great grandpa. He taught me how to play chess, he told me the BEST pirate stories and let me play (carefully) with his authentic pirate sword from the Carribean. He taught me how to dive and hold my breath under water, and about all the constellations in the sky. He helped me with my math. This will be my fourth family member loss in less than a year. I don't think I can take much more.

I am also very, very worried about my mom. She is just too overwhelmed. My heart hurts so much right now, for so many reasons. It literally aches. I need my "Plan A" to expedite ASAP so I can try to be happy in this life, it won't last forever. I think I'm going to guzzle the rest of my codeine cough syrup and just pass out for the evening.

Please pray for my mom and I. God help us.