There's normal, then there's my dogs.

Normal Dogs: Come to you (at least eventually) when you call them.

My Dogs: Go to *anyone* else in the room but me when I call them, or just sit there looking at me DEFIANTLY.

Normal Dogs: Chew and play with toys, and fetch things all cute-like.

My Dogs: Act possessed and rip the shit out of every single toy you buy them inside of 10 seconds while you add up in your head all the money you just burned, and run after balls that you throw, sniff them, then return to you and wait for you to go pick them up and throw them again. This seems to entertain them greatly.

Normal Dogs: Can be trained to take a walk.

My Dogs: Insist on shitting in the middle of the street while you are crossing it, then yip and wail loudly as you try to DRAG them across while they are defecating so that they don't get run over. They also put on the "choke-and-puke" show for the first 30 minutes. It's really fun.

Normal Dogs: Wag their tails and look cute when someone comes over.

My Dogs: Screech-bark so loud it makes children cry, and RAM people who come over. They truly *love* everybody, but it can be a little hard to explain this while screaming over the noise.