Way better than working.

I need someone to lay in the sun with. It's kinda boring by yourself. Way better than working, though.

Everyone is so friendly!

You know what I like about California? Everyone is so friendly! I did a little shopping today and stopped to get a coffee while my mom was doing her errands, and I got doors held open for me by men (that is a BIG plus in my book), smiles from everyone I walked by, and had a fun little chat with the little barista girl who was as cute as a button. It all put me in good mood! Back home I might as well be invisible. Men let doors slam in my face and store clerks grunt at me even if I compliment them. When are people going to learn that NICE goes a long way? I give huge tips when my service is friendly. Plus, it always comes back to you when you go the extra mile. Just my advice for the day.

It's hot! Finally! I ran upstairs to put my swimsuit on and promptly got poolside. My mom and I are going out to a nice dinner for my last night, so I get to dress up. Well, not super fancy, but you know, put my hair up and wear bling.

Perfect Breakfast

OMG, fresh squeezed orange juice (right off the tree!) and an egg-white quiche fresh out of the oven! Perfect breakfast. Have no idea what to do for my last day, but it is going to include the sun.

I wonder where I'll be a year from now.

Can't sleep tonight. I can't complain either, though, because I've had some of the best sleep here in the last few days than I've had in a while.

I'm out on the patio off my bedroom gazing at the stars (and blogging). I am guzzling water, too. Carl's Jr. make me thirsty. Other than smelling the California fires in the distance, it is really nice out here. I can see Orion, and the Big and Little Dippers. I am surprised I can see the stars so clearly here. It is not as quiet as back home, but it is peaceful. I don't believe in Astrology, I actually think it's kind of dumb (sorry), but Astronomy fascinates me. I could look at the stars for hours.

I wonder where I'll be a year from now, and what I will be doing. It's scary and exciting to think about it. My mom said something along those lines tonight, she wondered what the next year would bring. She asked me what I was doing this time last year and one of the perks of having a blog is, I could tell her. I had just smashed my thumb into oblivion. LOL. I had no idea back then what was in store for me. Isn't it funny how you really never can guess what life is going to do? Yes, it has been a tough year, and there are many people I miss, but there were some good things too. Some good things that changed my life. I didn't see any of it coming, but I'm glad about that. Bad surprises and good surprises. And many more to come.

Right now? I'm just trying to live in the moment.

Left alone with my thoughts.

You wanted to see more pictures of my feet, right? That's what I thought. Here they are, kicking and splashing in the pool. At night.

My mom went to bed, and I've been left alone with my thoughts. This is where the problem lies. I'm thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. I'm scared. Everyone keeps saying it will be alright, and not to worry, but I feel alone, even though I'm married. It is hard to have hope sometimes; being human and all. There is nothing I can do about anything that is happening (or not happening) to me. I pray that God will give me peace regardless of where I end up.

Carl's and a Cold Pool

Carl's Jr. for dinner. My eating is stellar these days.

I'm sitting outside in the warm wind. There will be no skinny dipping at night this time, the pool is like glacier water. That would hurt, if you know what I mean. LOL.

Water & Wind

Playing in the ice-cold pool. With wind. I wish they would just tell me now whether or not I have a job so that if I didn't, I could just stay here.

Sun & Coffee

Really the title should be, "Feet & Coffee", but I digress. Now this is more like it. It's still windy, but it's in the 80's, so the wind is welcome while I sit here and bake. The pool is a mess, but if I can swim in a lake, I can swim with a few leaves in a chlorinated pool. The "Coffee Bean" shop missed me, I can tell. My mom calls it the "Green Bean" because she can't remember the name of it. This cracks me up, and it will now forever be the "Green Bean". I'm getting my fill before I leave.

Windstorm

Well isn't this special. A nice windstorm is occurring. It's gusting pretty good out there and messing up my pool! Stupid wind. I'm confined to the house at the moment. Poo. There is no jacuzzi, or I'd be in that.

Biagio's

I absolutely had to have my favorite pizza, just like last time. My mom doesn't like green peppers, so I settled for pepperoni and salami. It was super good!

If you ever visit here, go to Biagio's! The same little Italian family has owned it forever. When I was a little girl, my grandparents started coming here every Thursday night for pizza, spaghetti, salad, and drinks. They got to know the staff, and the whole family that owned it. "Grandma" was this little old Italian woman, who would make these homemade cream puffs, and of course give them to my grandparents. Everyone loved my grandparents, they were always the life of the party, and were outrageous tippers. Anyway, I developed an affinity for these cream puffs of course, and so I would beg for them every time I went with them. Such a fond memory. I wish I could still get them!

Pocahontas?

I try to be stylish; I really do. It fails.

This is living!

Wine, fruit, cheese and crackers. Now THIS is living! Next, I am going to dive in the pool. It doesn't take much to please me.

Oh DANG! My mom and I just finished off an entire bottle of wine! I'm hammered. LOL.

Seal Beach

Seal Beach is down in the Long Beach area and it's so adorable. I went into my favorite little surf shop, (almost bought that cute hat) and just walked around and took in the ocean air. Lots of cute dogs at the Crema Cafe.

Prettiest Backyard

The backyard is so cool here. Besides the pool, there is a grapefruit and an orange tree, palms and other various tropical plants. It's so pretty.

I'm headed off to Seal Beach today, so I'll take some pics down there.

Meet Me at the Coffee Bean!

Time for sunning and swimming! Going to nap on the lawn chair for a while, then have some wine and cheese that my mom bought at Costco for us.

The pool always looks so inviting, that's why I'm pointing at it. If you're close by (Lake Forest), email me and we'll meet at the Coffee Bean! That is, if you aren't a maniac psycho, because then we'd have a problem.

Small Heart Attack

I'm here. It's not supposed to be really hot today or tomorrow, but the sunshine sure does feel nice. We got in very early this morning, and I collapsed until a few minutes ago. Don't have an agenda yet.

I may have had a small heart attack earlier. We got off an exit to go grab some coffee and get gas, and it was pitch black with really faded street lines. I got into the left-hand turn lane and ended up going down the wrong side of the road! OMFG! I have never done that before! EVER! I swear it wasn't a blonde driving moment because my mom didn't see it either. I was shaken and decided to kick back for an hour and answer emails by the side of the road.

Juice complained about my toilet pics, so I won't post the latest uber gross rest stop pics I took. I stood OVER the toilet and peed because it was THAT bad. EW. Rest stops in California blow.

Truck Stops Rule

It's huge, OMG! (That's what she said, haha.) I love truck stops. With all the truckers. And big steak.

Steak on the Brain

I have had steak on the brain for about 100 miles now. NEED. STEAK. No more fast food. I scared my mom with my obsession with finding a steakhouse. I was driving and yelling out for keeping eyes peeled. Once we found a sign that said, "STEAK 26 miles", I gunned it. We're here now. Finally.

Santiam Rest Stop

Santiam Rest Stop in Oregon.

Non-descript. Clean enough and roomy. What? Don't you like pictures of toilets?

Oregon

The many faces of boredom. Or batshit crazy. Whichever.

In Oregon now. Which is thrilling. Not.

Rest Stop Reviews

CrazyDogMama's Rest Stop Reviews!

Maytown, just South of Tenino in WA.

Under construction. portable potties only. Neat. They were clean enough and didn't stink, had adequate toilet paper. Very important for us girl-types. Easy to drive in and out of.

Having fun now, wouldn't you say? Stop rolling your eyes. This could be useful to someone. Or entertaining. It's entertaining to me, so shut up. LOL.

Here we go again.

The very familiar trip of 22 hours of driving 80 mph, creepy rest stops, and fast food. I'm stocked up on Rock Stars and Vivarin, and I've already had a triple iced mocha. When I WANT to be sleepy and tired, I can't get that way, but when I DON'T want it, I'm yawning all over the place with heavy eyelids. Figures. My mom is already irritated at me because I'm late. I can't help it, I'm not a morning person. AT ALL.

Just Breathe

One minute I'm fine, and the next minute I'm freaking out. Not knowing things drives me nutty. I've learned to embrace change, but I want to know WHAT the change is. My lack of patience doesn't help. I can't seem to concentrate. I'm in sort of a trance, like 'whatever'. This is big stuff. Everything going on in my life is big stuff. I knew I was at a crossroads; I just didn't realize how big of deal it was going to be. There is also big stuff going on in the world, and all of it combined for me seems a little overwhelming. Just breathe, I tell myself. You can do this. There have been some interesting developments for me; I'll share when I can. For the next week, however, I think I'm just going to try and concentrate on sun and fun with my mom. I'll be leaving quite early, so stay tuned for all my silly blogs.

Roadtrip

Aahh! I'm leaving for California in less than 24 hours, and you wouldn't believe everything I have to do. Have I packed? Of course not! Also, I can't believe how much not having a home computer is making my life difficult, especially RIGHT NOW when I need it the most! Anyone have a grand I could borrow?

The Refiner's Fire

OK, really, I'm trying NOT to stress. There is nothing I can do about it. I keep telling myself this. I honestly can't say much (non-disclosure stuff), but I may be laid-off before the end of the month. It would have nothing to do with my performance, but the economy/market. I have no idea what I will do because the job market sucks right now, and my field is very narrow. I really do believe things happen for a reason (when it is beyond your control) so I'm trying to think of it as fate, whatever happens. With everything I've gone through in the last year, it kind of feels like a sucker-punch, but maybe it would be a blessing in disguise. Who knows. It is the not knowing that is the worst part.

I have never been without a job. I have never collected unemployment. I haven't had more than 2 weeks off in a row since I was 16 years old, and I'll be 37 in November. I don't know how to feel right now. My whole life has gone AWOL in the last year. Guess it was time to shake things up! It is amazing to me how so many things can happen in such a short amount of time, and how the littlest things can throw your life off balance. I have recently experienced feelings I don't know what to do with, and emotions I didn't know existed. I've had many sleepless nights and panic attacks. Now that I've learned how to deal with all of that, I think I may be ready for whatever it is I was being prepared for. The refiner's fire?

Beauty is pain.

Just call me Blondie! It glows in the dark. Hehe. In the pic where I look like a sheep dog from Outerspace, that is the front of my face. I had to sit with my hair over my face (with foils in it), for like, 3 hours. Beauty is pain.

Naked in the Jungle

Wow, have I had a bad day. I won't be able to talk about it until I know more, but it could really impact my life, and soon. Seriously. Talk about your life being upside down, I'm already out of my comfort zone from some other big things happening in my life, and this would really put me out there naked in the jungle so to speak. Dang.

I am going to go use my salon gift certificate to get my hair done. I'm in a major haze right now and my mind is going a billion miles an hour. I guess you could say that 2008 was the year Cheryl got her ass kicked up one side and down the other. The year of change. I'm facing a great many unknowns at this time about my future. I mean, no one knows what the future really holds, but I can't say with any degree of confidence that ANYTHING in my life will be the same come 2009.

The Best Things In Life

A good night's sleep.

Laughing so hard your tummy hurts.

A hot shower on a cold morning.

Warm, fresh cookies (or cinnamon rolls) from the oven.

A kiss that makes your heart skip a beat.

A call from an old friend out of the blue.

Helping someone.

Waterfalls.

Smiling at someone, and they smile back.

Playing with a puppy.

A kind word.

Someone running their fingers through your hair.

The smell of the ocean.

A really fun rollercoaster.

Making new friends.

Good wine (and someone great to share it with).

Colorful sunsets and clear starry nights.

Diving into a warm pool at night.

A really good meal.

Good coffee.

Good conversation.

Finishing a project you worked hard on.

Massages (giving AND receiving).

Taking a risk.

Being really super sappy on your dumb blog.

I need cinnamon rolls.

I am craving cinnamon rolls. I just finished watching "Two and a Half Men" and Charlie was attempting to open a tube of cinnamon rolls and ever since I have had cinnamon rolls on the brain. I need them. NEED. Have I mentioned that I want hot, gooey cinnamon rolls? I really want a fucking cinnamon roll. But I don't want to get up. Sometimes living far from the store sucks.

Did anyone catch "Big Bang Theory" tonight? Funny. They didn't have cinnamon rolls though. I could die if I don't get one. I am going to go to bed now and dream of cinnamon rolls.

Monday Tidbits

I saw a grown man, perhaps 40-ish, running down the highway this morning. RUNNING. With a briefcase that he was swinging spastically; tie flying sideways. I laughed. It was funny looking. Nothing is so important that I would run down the highway like that. But that's just me. No one was chasing him with a chainsaw or anything.

I am wearing high heels today, and one of the heels got stuck in the thread of the carpet and I fell up against my cubical wall almost knocking it down. (Karma for laughing at the poor business guy?)

Have you seen the movie "Forrest Gump"? Do you remember how he said "Jenny"? (JEN-NAY in the Forrest Gump voice.) My co-worker (and friend) is named Jenny and I love to say her name like Forrest. She LOVES it when I do that. Not. "JEN-NAY can you help me with the cop-eee-err?" I crack myself up. She is not amused. She might hit me next time.

I went and got a Bonzai Burger from the Red Robin restaurant today at lunch. I got it 'to go' and ate it in my car. How sad is that?

I look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man in my new coat. I will be sending it back. Why is it never the other way around? (Like a coat that makes me look like a super model.) Sheesh. Seriously, I looked funny. I'm stylin' in my new purple baby-doll top, though. I've sent back many things and kept a few. I'm proud of myself. A little.

I'm getting my hair cut/colored tomorrow. I am tossing around the idea of buying a coffee and replacing the coffee with wine while I get my hair done. All sneaky moto. Not because I'm an alcoholic, but because getting your hair-colored takes FOREVER and it is not exciting. They let you drink on an airplane, why not a salon?

Darkest just before the dawn.

I think I have figured out why I can't sleep. I wish it was as simple as too much caffeine. It is always darkest just before the dawn. I'm bracing myself.

The Final Result

Baked ham in a brown sugar glaze. So yummy. Someone else can do the dishes.

Ham, Dogs, and Dirty Dishes, Part 2

Ham, Dogs, and Dirty Dishes, Part 1

I have dogs to feed, dishes to do, and ham to cook. I will have ham coming out of my ears, but it sounded good. Pairing it with garlic mashed potatoes & asparagus. I've been battling another damn headache today. I don't know what is up with me and the headaches lately. I think I need to go to the chiropractor. He is not a typical chiropractor, he only adjusts one bone in the neck, and you don't feel a thing! The technique is called "NUCCA", and it is a pure miracle from Heaven. I only have to visit him about every six months instead of twice a week at a regular chiropractor that doesn't fix the root of the problem. It used to scare the living crap out of me when they would yank my head around. Forget that!

Speaking of TMI

I DO use restraint in case you were wondering. You wouldn't believe what I'd REALLY like to say. But I can't tell you EVERYTHING that goes through this mind of mine, or everything that is going on in my life. There is indeed some mystery and secrecy to me that will never come out on the blog, sorry. That's too personal.

Cognac & TMI

Just took a nice hot shower and now I'm relaxing with a glass of cognac. I'm a little bored. I've been a little bored all day. I couldn't even come up with something interesting to blog about. I still can't. Had pot roast for dinner. I may watch that Jodie Foster movie where she is a vigilante or some such shit.

I sort of had a sex dream last night. Too much info? That's me, TMI girl. I just say what you WANT to say, but don't. I'll spare you the details.

House Loop

So far today I've gone from the bed to the frig to the couch, on repeat. It's like a house loop. I'm running out of places to go. And you wonder why I get excited about road trips.

Scary Man

One of my Halloween props. I call him "Scary Man". He's animated. You guys think I'm weird, huh?

I am actually IN bed right now blogging on the Crackberry without my glasses on. Lou is cuddled up next to me and keeps looking up at me wondering what the hell I'm doing. I would love to know what goes on in his little fuzzy head. It's probably something along the lines of "Put that damn thing down woman and scratch my belly!"

This time next week I'll be driving thru Northern California! I get very little to look forward to, so I get excited about dumb stuff.

A little diversion.

I got permission to take a few days off to go to California. Yay! I don't really want my mom to drive down alone this time of year, and she has to go down for some estate matters, so we're making the road trip together in her little truck. It will be a little cramped, but we'll get some good girl-time in. We're leaving next Friday, then I have to fly back on Wednesday. It's not a long trip, but we always drive straight through, which will at least give me 4 days of sunbathing and swimming! I guess I'll be a tan vampire this year. LOL. It was very warm there in the last week, in the 90's. It is pouring down rain here. This will give me a nice little diversion from my routine.

Also, I have to mention that I am having MAJOR hot flashes today. What is up with THAT?

State of the Union

I just woke up with a start and felt compelled to write this. The situation facing our nation is very serious. I am not afraid, nor is this what "keeps me awake" at night. I am just here to warn you that things are very precarious, and to prepare the best you can for the inevitable crash. If you pray, I would do it now.

I will be biting necks.

I just bought a vampire costume for my Halloween Party. I got a black hooded velvet cape, some realistic glue-on fangs (doesn't affect talking and eating) and some blood-red lipstick. My house will be decorated to the hilt, too. I still know how to have fun. Damnit.

Need Laptop Ideas

Despite all the good, I still don't sleep, as you may have noticed from the time on my last post. I really don't know what to do about that one except try to exercise a lot.

Anyway, I'm researching laptops. So far, I like the Sony's and the Toshiba's. I love the new attributes! The resolution is so clear and colorful! I guess mine was pretty old. Shiny new toys make me happy!

Anyone have an opinion on good laptops? Don't ignore my questions like you usually do, I really need some help here!

I'm not invisible anymore.

Remember I told you I was going through some significant personal changes? Well, apparently people are noticing something different about me/my life of late. I have been getting some very interesting (and sometimes entertaining) comments. Let me list some of those out for you:

"What's going on with you?"
"You look really good today; do you have an interview or a hot date or something?" (No, I'm married.)
"You have really come out of your shell."
"There's a new glow or something about you, what's UP?" (That's when I have to explain I'm not pregnant, GOD no.)
"Glad to see you getting out there." (Where am I going?)
"You seem happier or something, are you high?" (LOL!)

Most of the time I just smile shyly like I have a secret. Maybe I do.

Dead Laptop

Crap. Laptop is fried. Figures. Now I'm going to have deal with Windows Vista. Something is always broken, ever notice that? You fix one thing and then something else goes. ARG.

Two quick things.

Y'all need to keep fingers and toes crossed today. I talked to a computer guy on the phone, and he said either my adapter is toast, or my laptop is toast. The adapter is only $100, but I'd have to sell a kidney right now to get a new computer. I guess I could wait until I got my bonus at Christmas, but that is a LONG time to be without a computer! You all know how I love my digital pictures and Adobe Photoshop. I also have the patience of a starving bear.

The other thing is, I am really busy at work right now getting ready for an audit in November, but I'd really like to take a short trip to California with my mom for some girl time in mid-October. PRAY I can haul some serious ass and get stuff done so I can go! I would love that so much!

Compliments

I received a really nice compliment from a coworker yesterday and I wanted to express my gratitude. I'm not used to so many compliments, but they mean a lot, and I am grateful. Kindness is hard to come by in this life, and I don't believe it gets enough attention. I was told by this person that when our company sells that they would be highly recommending me at other companies because I was so good at what I did. WOW. How nice!

What is going on with me.

So, what is going on with me besides brainwave stabilization? Well, my dance card has been full this week. Out to coffee last night, dinner with mom tomorrow, out with the girls on Thursday and hopefully getting my hair done and then a date with cognac on Friday. I'm tired already.

Brainwave Stabilization

After my minor meltdown the other day, I experienced what I call 'dead calm'. Everything that had been haunting me and puzzling me, came into focus. My emotions stopped, and my brain started. Everything was suddenly (eerily) crystal clear to me. I have been "calm, cool and collected" ever since. Even at this moment. What seemed so impossible to me before, doesn't seem so complicated now. I don't know why. Perhaps I'm using the left half of my brain more?

I don't go to therapy much anymore, but I did go today, and she said some things to me that made me feel pretty good. She told me that despite all the difficulties and tragedy that I have been through in such a short period of time, that I have progressed in mental "maturity" at a staggering rate. My thinking is different. She said she has never had a client that tackled their challenges so forcefully and successfully, so quickly. My brain waves were the most calm and stable today since I started therapy (EEG Biofeedback), which means I am finally operating without debilitating anxiety and fear. I was extremely calm, logical and rational (I know, I know, you don't believe it.). I was actually articulating my thought process well. I still have some "life navigating" to do (don't we all), but it is controlled and thought-out now, rather than a jumble of ideas rattling around going nowhere.

She could have just been pumping sunshine up my ass to boost my esteem, but truly, for the first time, maybe EVER, I feel like I'm finally moving forward in my life with a lot more confidence, and a lot less crazy. And I'm not taking any crap. Look out world.

Significant Personal Challenges

I'm sorry my blogging sucks right now. I'll do the best I can, as often as I can, but I am facing significant personal challenges/changes at the moment, and I can't talk about it in much detail online.

Long Shower

I just got out of a really long, hot shower. I never do that. I just sat on the side of the tub and let the water fall on top of me for an hour. Is that weird?

Meltdown

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Meltdown. It started about 2:30 am. I don't know how much I want to talk about it, but there was crying and yelling. Frustration. There is no point in getting up today, but I have to. Life goes on, like it or not. My marriage is in trouble. I need a hug. Well, I need more than a hug, but I'll take what I can get.

Too Much Crab

Speaking of eating, I just ate entirely too much crab. I feel sick. It's not good. Aren't you glad I'm telling you about it? Maybe I should go for a walk or something. This is when I need a beach. A nice walk along the surf would be nice right about now.

Future is so bright, I gotta wear shades?

Something Strange

I wake up with a voracious appetite. And I mean voracious! Most people I know don't even eat breakfast, and certainly aren't starving when they wake up. I could eat a steak dinner when I wake up. It's weird, no? During the week I don't get up with enough time to eat, but on the weekends I go straight to the frig. Is there anyone else out there like this? Probably not. LOL.

Help Me!

My computer DIED. It is completely fried. It worked fine yesterday, and today it won't turn on AT ALL. It's like no power is getting to it. I know the power works on the outlet because my printer and scanner still come on, but the computer is just pitch black. I've checked to make sure everything is plugged in, and it is, but if the power pack (adapter) died, then the battery source should kick in, right? Unless they are both fried. I don't know what to do. Should I take it to the shop? Just buy a new power pack and battery? I can't afford a new laptop. SHIT! Thank God for the Crackberry! But I can't do anything with my digital pics, or get to my online banking. This sucks the big one. HELP ME!