Thursday, December 03, 2009

I like how Kim put it: I am going through some deep shit.

That's for sure! On several levels. My ENTIRE life has, and continues to change. I am so far out of my comfort zone I don't even know what a comfort zone is anymore. The only family I have left is my mom and the dogs - due to 4 deaths and a husband who bailed (which pretty much eliminated 2 other family members). I'm having to learn to be alone, and how to control my emotions and maintain composure. I want to learn what love and happiness is/means. I am still relatively new at my job - and it is morphing as we speak. I'm having to trust in God to protect me and help me through hard things. I'm going to have to move soon. I've learned who my true friends are.

I'm doing pretty good I think, considering the circumstances. Some awful crap has happened, and of course I'm not posting that on the internet, but life can suck. I know, I'm an expert. But it is up to me. It is my choice to move ahead. It is up to me to make good, healthy choices. I'm in charge of my own happiness - that is also a choice - sometimes hard, but still a choice. As far as love goes, well...I'm a little old fashioned there wanting the man to be the pursuer, but who knows. I have no idea what will happen to me. I've definitely learned that life is full of surprises and that anger, bitterness and vindictiveness is a total waste of time.

No comments: