Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy 2010 everyone! I'm sitting here having a cup of coffee so I can stay awake for the countdown. I won't be kissing anyone at midnight - a tradition I've always had. Guess I'll kiss Lou-dog. LOL

This is going to be my year. It HAS to be, damnit! It is due time.

Highlights of 2009: Got a kickass job, I got to go to NY/NJ and went to California for a week in June. I had an overabundant Christmas thanks to my kickass mom and had a good friend (my second mom) visit for a week. I also got in touch with an old friend that I previously wasn't able to get in touch with and it has been nice.

Let's not talk about the crap part of the year.

What is in store for 2010? God only knows...but I'm trying to be optimisic! Cheers!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Some of my "Facebook" conversations...

I had talked about my divorce and being traded in for a much younger model and Jeffery had the best comment: (sorry Jeffery, I am exploiting you on my blog...hope you don't mind hehe)

"These things have a tendency to backfire on people. Which is worth more? A 1965 Ford Mustang, or a 1985 Ford Mustang? When the new car smell wears off, pretty sure Jim will be faced with "What the hell was I thinking?" Sorry it is causing you pain, but I am confident that wonderful things and opportunities are going to open up for you. Just keep hanging in there and know your friends will be there for you."

My sarcastic ass wrote back and asked if I could be a 1967 SS Camaro instead - see below.

He said "sure can be whatever car you like. I will even pass on the myriad of jokes about who gets to drive. But, inquiring minds often get told to shut the hell up."


Sunday, December 27, 2009

Off to a party in my new red cashmere scarf! You know I will blog about it.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Some things in life you wish you could change.

Someone said something horrible to me one time, and it hurt because it was true.


Someone said something wonderful to me one time, and it hurt because it wasn't true.

I used to believe in the impossible, now I believe in the inevitable.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas fingernails! LOL

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope it was magical for you. The pics are of the "appetizer" dinner my mom and I had on Christmas Eve and the doggies among the Christmas morning debris. My mom spoiled me rotten this year! I can't believe all she has done. I kinda feel guilty. Unless something is vastly different in our lives, we have decided next year we are going on a cruise for Christmas! Weeeee!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Had some friends and family over for dinner tonight. My neighbor, my mom and my step son. Bill (my step son) has just turned out to be the sweetest kid - well, MAN now. I can't believe he is turning 18 and moving to Cali to go college next year. We have stayed close through all of this and I feel blessed. I've known him since he was 1 1/2 years old. He is meeting his dad's girlfriend tomorrow and I hope it isn't too awkward for him. He is weirded-out by it.

I made a glazed ham, asparagus, garlic mashed potatoes, salad and rolls. The food turned out good, but I have a second degree burn and broke my round baking stone by putting it on a burner that was on. What a dope I am. Made a bit of a spectacle of myself. Oops. At least things are never boring around here! LOL

I'm exhausted. Going to watch an episode of Roswell (shut up) and hit the sheets. I can't really figure out how I'm feeling. Honestly I'm a little down, but I'll get over it. I can see now why there are so many suicides this time of year, though. I'm having second thoughts about selling the house right away. I worked my ASS off to get it and keep it, and after looking at some condos in downtown Seattle, I'm worried it would be too hard with the dogs. I might just completely remodel and make it all mine. I don't know. I guess I'll see what happens in my life.

Merry Chrismas Eve-Eve.
It was bound to happen sooner or later. I had a terrible day. Just when you take 2 steps forward, something knocks you back 5. I am officially on holiday vacation now and wish I could get away. Instead of counting sheep, I'm picturing a small table. It has a candle on it and it is nestled on soft sand. It is evening - late, but not too late. Other tables with candles are nearby, but the occupant's conversations are soft and cannot be distinguished more than a mutter. There is a band that can be heard in the distance playing pleasant music. A big grassy straw-like covering overhangs. The candles make everything appear orange and comfortable. Safe. Relaxing. There is a warm wind and I can smell fragrant flowers. It is a clear night with a big moon and a magnificent display of stars. I am barefoot, wearing a tank top and an oversized sarong as a skirt. I sit down at the table.

You can finish the story for me.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Okay, you know what? I fucking hate wrapping presents. I suck at it, I get frustrated, it takes me forever and I make a huge, stupid mess. I waste a lot of wrapping paper because I always cut it wrong (too short, too crooked, etc.). To be extra festive this year, I am watching the news about two more policemen shot. That makes seven in this state in 2 months! It is horrifying and tragic. I cannot believe what is happening. It makes me feel sick to my stomach to think of the families dealing with this right now. And I thought I had it bad...I guess I should be glad I'm not a cop anymore. My prayers go out to all affected.

On a happier note, I was taken to lunch today to a cute little French restaurant in Belltown (Le Pichet) and my espresso was so pretty I had to take a picture!

Monday, December 21, 2009

So my mom and I decided to pretty much give each other all our Christmas gifts early - especially when we are out shopping. "Do you like this? Great! Here you go, Merry Christmas!" It has been a hoot. We have saved a few so we aren't bored on Christmas morning, but we are doing things totally out of tradition this year. One thing I let her have early was the DVD set she wanted of the TV series "Roswell". This series is older - came out in 1999. It is about teenagers and aliens and such. I secretly rolled my eyes thinking "What the hell, ma? This looks lame as hell." Well, I've been staying with her off and on lately and yes, you guessed it, she made me watch it with her. I'm totally 100% hooked. I am so embarrassed to admit that, but I love it. We are only through the third disc set and I can't wait to watch the next one. Damn her! LOL

Today should be interesting. Today begins the path to my new life...

Aren't you dying to know what I'm up to? Muwhahahahaha.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

I have some things to blog about, but I am so tired right now that I'll have to write in the morning.

Nighty night.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

This is as festive as I am getting this year. LOL. I just don't have it in me to put up a Chistmas tree. Next year. If you can see it, I have a bonafide Charlie Brown Christmas Tree to the right of the TV. It works.

Friday, December 18, 2009

I have had a good couple of days and have actually started planning my life! I'm excited about some of the decisions I've made to go forward. So excited that I forgot to blog! I'm not going to go into details too early because I think it will be more fun to write about it as it unfolds. The first decision on my path is that I am putting my house on the market in January. That is step one...

I'm going to do things MY way for once - and it feels great!

More tomorrow when my eyeballs can focus again.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

This time next week I will be on vacation until after the first of the year. I have ZERO plans. I am having a very low key Christmas with just my mom, but other than that I don't know what to do with myself. My company shuts down so it is all holiday pay (yay!), although I will be on call. I don't know when I will find out about the supervisor position. Its a crap-shoot at this point. I guess if it is meant to be it will be. Or not.

So what should I do with my time off?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Well, I'm lying in bed with my mind racing and can't sleep. This time last year I had just been laid off from my job and had started a temporary contract job. I remember wondering where I would be in a year. I was WAY OFF. I always am. That is part of the allure behind blogging and journaling - to see how things change and how things happen beyond your imagination. Someone said to me around that time that they predicted I would be in the same situation a year from the time they told me, and that they probably would be in their same situation too. They said "We never really change much do we?". I never met that person, but I would say they were a bit wrong. I wonder if things turned out different than they expected too.

I wonder where I will be a year from now...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

He pees on the floor, barks at everything and gets into all kinds of trouble, but every now and then his antics just crack me up and I was laughing too hard to yell at him.

I stopped at an espresso drive-thru and got an iced mocha with whipped cream. Louie was riding shotgun curled up in a ball with the butt warmer on. I got disracted with a call and the next minute I looked down, I was greeted by a grinning whipped creamed-faced dog with a straw in his mouth. It was classic.

I've been on the pity pot lately. (If you haven't noticed.) Not a fun place to be. I know its stupid, but sometimes you just can't help it. Today I was a tad grumpy. I was yelling at stupid drivers and wanted to tip over a holiday display. Bah Humbug! Hehe. I usually adore Christmas, but with everything I've dealt with this year I guess I'm a little cynical and pissed off. I'm with Chele, what the hell happened to "gentlmen"? I can't remember the last time a man opened a door for me. In fact, I had a door swing into my face tonight. Thanks dude. I'm thinking my choices are somewhat nill in this day and age. I'm too old fashioned I guess. I believe I have much to give, but I don't want to cast my pearls before swine, you know? I want to be taken care of this time and be the adoring, loyal wife. I make good money, I'm educated, I love to cook and I love sex, but I'm not putting up with any shit. I'm done with that. Tiger Woods? What an idiot!! Cheat on Elin Nordegren? FOOL.

OK I'm done ranting on my blog here into cyber space. Everything is wonderful and normal.

I did buy myself some earrings. A little Christmas gift to myself. ;-)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The good, the bad and the goofy.

The bad: Took Lou to the vet today. The prognosis is not good. I just have to love him and enjoy him while I can. I feel like I'm slowly losing everything and everyone.

The goofy: I made cookies and they all melted together into one big cookie. LOL

The good: my mom, myself and our friend Cathy are going to take a trip to New Orleans in the new year. Woohoo! I'm worried about what to do with Lou though, he couldn't handle boarding.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Are you on it? My shit list is growing. ;-). Ever had one of those days (lives?) where nothing goes right and everyone irritates you? Gah.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

I have HEAT! Yay! Only cost $200 for my neighbor to fix it. Thank you GOD and Denin. What a week. I've had better. I'm really worried about Lou-dog, he is going downhill and I'm so afraid. I can't lose him - I CAN'T. Not now. That would send me right over the edge.

I need something good to happen. Right NOW.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Long day. Worked for a bit, had a departmental holiday party that I zoned out at and didn't really participate in (had a pepsi and played one game of pool - whoopee!), got an oil & lube and car wash, went to dinner with mom, had neighbor install new heater pump but haven't heard back to see if it worked, printed out my credit reports, signed lawyer paperwork and now its time for bed. Exciting shit, no? Haven't been sleeping well and I'm very, very tired. I need to iron about 50 shirts/pants and don't have the energy. Gotta train two new people tomorrow at work. Blah!

Did you fall asleep reading this post? I did.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Unthawed. My mother is being a gracious hostess and dogsitter. My neighbor is trying to get me a new pump for my heater at wholesale and offered to install it for me. Such a nice guy. His truck broke down and I gave him my old truck - no strings attached. That is what it is all about, this life, helping each other out.

Had my internal interview at work yesterday for the supervisor position. Keep fingers and toes crossed - a good promotion would be GREAT right now! If not, I guess it wasn't meant to be. Things could get interesting.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

I'm going to freeze to death. My heater pump went out. I have no fireplace except my fake one, and neither it nor my space heater can get the air temp above about 50 degrees - and that is only within a small area. I have 2 layers of clothes on under the covers here in my bed. The dogs are shaking. It is supposed to snow on Wednesday.

Unfortunately Jim didn't leave me in the greatest financial position (I kinda got left holding the bag with 2 mortgages and lots of bills) so I'm going to have stay at my mom's or something until I can get it fixed, or the dogs and I will turn into popsicles.

I broke down and cried earlier. Have you ever cried while your teeth were chattering? It's a little frightening.

It'll get better, right?

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Well dinner was good, the "Kings of Swing" are good, and a coworker friend of mine proposed to his girlfriend (also a coworker) in front of everyone. It was sooooo sweet. It brought me to tears of course. Right now I'm standing outside alone getting some fresh air. (Am I pathetic or what?). I can't feel my toes. More later.

Friday, December 04, 2009

Went to dinner and shopping with good 'ol mom. I had "Camarones del diabla" which is spanish for hot-ass prawns. YUM. I will regret it tomorrow, but it was worth it. ;-)

My coworkers are making me go to the company Christmas party tomorrow. Swing dancing with no one to dance with - not that I would gotten to dance anyway. Neat. I did buy a cocktail dress outfit thingee, though. I figure if I'm not having a good time I'll just leave.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

I like how Kim put it: I am going through some deep shit.

That's for sure! On several levels. My ENTIRE life has, and continues to change. I am so far out of my comfort zone I don't even know what a comfort zone is anymore. The only family I have left is my mom and the dogs - due to 4 deaths and a husband who bailed (which pretty much eliminated 2 other family members). I'm having to learn to be alone, and how to control my emotions and maintain composure. I want to learn what love and happiness is/means. I am still relatively new at my job - and it is morphing as we speak. I'm having to trust in God to protect me and help me through hard things. I'm going to have to move soon. I've learned who my true friends are.

I'm doing pretty good I think, considering the circumstances. Some awful crap has happened, and of course I'm not posting that on the internet, but life can suck. I know, I'm an expert. But it is up to me. It is my choice to move ahead. It is up to me to make good, healthy choices. I'm in charge of my own happiness - that is also a choice - sometimes hard, but still a choice. As far as love goes, well...I'm a little old fashioned there wanting the man to be the pursuer, but who knows. I have no idea what will happen to me. I've definitely learned that life is full of surprises and that anger, bitterness and vindictiveness is a total waste of time.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

OK, prayer works and God is real, and if you don't believe it, here is the proof...

I AM HAVING A GOOD DAY. That may seem trivial to you, but if you knew the hell I've been through lately you would fall right over. I laughed today. I only teared up once; briefly. I am feeling hopeful about the future for the first time in awhile - and I was so far from feeling that yesterday it isn't even funny. I want to go back to NY (Annie you are coming next time...can you imagine the damage we could do together??) which means I am thinking about fun things instead of not fun things. I enjoyed my tuna melt for lunch. I put a new quote up (look to the right). I got winked at on the elevator at my lawyer's office.

To have a change in spirit THAT quickly either means I'm bi-polar, or the prayers are working. Now, I've been to therapy and they said the only problem I have is anxiety...soooooo...YUP. God. Do NOT argue with me.

I may be grumpy and sad again tomorrow, but I had a good day TODAY.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I'm not doing well. Not at all. I am starting not to care about anything. I've taken one too many blows and just don't have the strength to get up anymore.