Monday, June 27, 2005

Patience?
Yeah, I don't have that. I have a story, instead. I have been pondering lately about some new ideas on how to get my dogs to listen to (and not totally ignore) me. So I bought some squirt guns. When I say "No!" or "Stop it!", or whatever....and they DON'T do it....squirt em'! Pretty soon they should be little angels, right? Well, as good as an idea that was, I did not take into consideration the personality of Louie. For the record, I have to say that it works great on Maggie. Ok, now to the story.

Louie is a spiteful little fucker who uses his great intelligence to send me right over the edge.

Squirt-gun training, day 1. Louie is eating something foreign in the yard.

Me: "No!!" "No, Louie!"
Louie: continues to eat foreign object without even looking up.
Me: Squirt, squirt....
Louie: Jumps 5 feet in the air.
Me: giggle.
Louie: glare.
Louie: goes back to eating foreign object.
Me: "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Squirt, SQUIRT, SQUIRT.
Louie: spins around to look at me again and walks away with tail between legs.
Me: I win. :)

Squirt-gun training, day 2. Louie is barking for no reason whatsofuckingever.

Louie: woooof....wooof....woofwoofwoof!
Me: "Shut UP!"
Louie: woooof...wooof...woofwoofwoof!
Me: SQUIRT. "I said knock it off!"
Louie: runs.
Louie: Pisses. Spitefully. on carpet.
Me: "OH YOU LITTLE MOTHERF......." running with squirt gun in hand cussing so much and so loud that husband is wondering if he should call my therapist.
Louie: running more. wagging tail.
Me: running and squirting the squirt-gun at Louie, at the furniture, at the walls, still cussing. (its a great visual, is it not?)

Squirt-gun training, day 3. The miligrams on my Lexapro are getting a boost.

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