Sunday, March 15, 2015

The Art of Not Giving a Fuck

I just read the single most hilarious article of my life.  Seriously.  If you have an aversion to the word 'fuck' - don't bother reading it, but if you find that cussing can be quite comic, I urge you to read it RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  Don't drink anything while reading or I promise you it will come out of your nose within the first few paragraphs.  I don't give a fuck either way, but I needed a laugh and perhaps you do, too.  Aside from the humor, the article also has some pretty great insight and is worth the read.  Love it!  Enjoy!  I will be sending the author (Mark) an email telling him how much I appreciate his writing style.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Celebrating 2 Years!

I met Dale 2 years ago on February 20, 2013.  I had no idea just how much he would change my life!  He was there for me through the sickness and death of my mom, a major back surgery (soon to be another...gah!) and many other life-changing events.  He is a wonderful person, a good man, and I love him with all my heart.  He moved in a year ago and every day is fun, peaceful and kind.  I go to bed happy and wake up smiling.  We travel, we bought a camper and I'm doing things I never thought I would get to do!  Our lives have issues (who's doesn't?) but we build each other up and have each other's backs.  His generosity and big heart have given me faith in the human race again.  He has even made my dog, Maggie, a puppy again; those two are adorable together!

I love you, Dale!  Thank you for making my life better and healing all the wounds!  xoxo

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Need Help!

Hi Everyone.

I haven't posted for awhile, I know, and I promise to rectify that - been working on a book!!  This link is for Dale (my boyfriend's) sister.  It is a truly heartbreaking situation and I am posting this everywhere I can in the hopes that it will help.  If you feel led to give, that's awesome, but we also need visibility - so you can also help by cutting and pasting this site anywhere you think it could go!

Thanks in advance!!

Monday, February 17, 2014

And then she found KRAV MAGA...


Hello everybody!  I am now also writing in another blog called "And then she found Krav Maga" - here is the first post:

Hi!  My name is Cheryl and I am a brand new member at KRAV MAGA OC (Orange County) in California.  My goal is to share my journey with you into the world of Krav Maga, and maybe even entertain you a little, too.  As you read, perhaps you will be able to relate, or maybe you have had a completely different experience, but regardless if you are new like me, or are a seasoned veteran, we all have a story to tell and our connection will be our passion to better ourselves in this unique and fascinating discipline!
So a little about me.  I'm a 42 year old woman (who is not afraid to reveal her age, ha!) who moved to Orange County about 4 years ago from Seattle, Washington.  Due to a series of traumatic life-changing events, I had become seriously overweight and unhealthy, and about a year ago my doctor urged me to find an exercise program I could stay consistent with.  I found out quickly I am not a person who enjoys treadmills, spin class or any type of mind-numbing repetitive gym routines.  After almost bursting into tears one day on the treadmill from sheer boredom, I went home and logged onto my computer in search of a solution.  Boxing.  Kickboxing.  Mixed Martial Arts.  Hmmm...THAT sounded interesting!  So I promptly hired a personal trainer to help me.  I sucked at all of them.  Badly.  But, as time went on, I started to lose weight, get stronger and I realized I was actually having fun doing it!  Unfortunately, my trainer moved up to Torrance, CA - over an hour away - and so I found myself looking again, for a solution.  Enter Krav Maga OC!  It took me about 20 minutes to research what the heck "KRAV MAGA" was, and how to SAY IT.  I started asking around and although some people knew about it, mostly I got the "Krav what?" response.  I loved the fact that it seemed even more interesting than the standard Boxing/MMA stuff, and I have to admit I secretly found the words "combat tactics" exciting.  I was also super interested in learning self defense - something useful while getting in shape!  Learning punches, kicks and other movements is fun and certainly a great way to get in shape,  but what I was really looking for is how to USE them in a real-life situation - because you know, you probably won't have your boxing gloves on when the guy with the mask is mugging you at the ATM, nor will you be in your "workout" mindset.  I want to know how to instinctively MOVE and give myself a fighting chance!  There have been times in my life when I was in danger and these skills would have been invaluable to have.  Hopefully I will not have to use these skills to defend myself in the future, but I sure do want to be a bit more prepared if I do!  Do my friends think I'm crazy?  Maybe a little.  But my joining in sure has created a buzz in my circle and I am so excited to get started!
So there you have it.  I am not young.  I do not have six-pack abs.  I'm just an average girl looking for a more meaningful way of moving and challenging my mind and body.  I have a found a new passion!

If you are interested in reading more, here is the link:

Tuesday, February 04, 2014


So I have a brand new life!  Again!  After my mom passed away last June from lung cancer, I really started to reevaluate everything.  I took a long road trip with my boyfriend all the way to Corpus Christie, Texas (I have never been able to travel before), my step son moved in for 5 months before going to school in Chicago, and I quit my job in December!  Deciding to quit my job was a HUGE decision for me because I have been in the same industry, doing the same thing, for almost 20 years!  I have to say, it was the best decision I have ever made.  I was seriously burnt out and realized that I wasn't happy with my vocation.  I had a unique opportunity for the first time in my life to make a drastic change.  Being financially stable for the moment, I took the leap into freelance writing! Writing professionally of course isn't something that happens overnight, but I am working my way slowly into some cool things and I am optimistic that if I just keep going and don't give up, I will find my niche.

My office is now in my living room where I can work in my PJ's, drink coffee and take as many swimming breaks and naps as I want!  Well, actually, there haven't been too many breaks lately because I have been as busy as a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, but seriously, it's cool.  I have embarked on finishing up the remodeling of the house, started doing "Krav Maga" - an Israeli combat fighting discipline and, well, that's enough isn't it?  I plan on blogging about my Arizona-New Mexico-Texas trip and the remod, but for now just an update.  It's time for one of those naps...

Monday, February 03, 2014

PINK MACE From January 3, 2014

I have a funny story. First, though, I have to say that I have the sweetest, most protective boyfriend EVER.
So the other night we were watching TV when we heard the mail slot in my front door squeaking open and close, open and close. Since the mailman had already been here, it was late, and you can see inside the house when you open it, we both immediately rushed to the front door. Dale was checking the dead bolt and holding the door knob shut and trying to get me AWAY from the door because I was trying to open it to see who it was and preparing myself to go all Chuck Norris on their a@@. He wasn't having it. LOL. Suddenly, mail comes flying through the slot. We looked at each other and laughed because it became obvious some neighbor got my mail by mistake and was getting it to me. How nice. The next night, Dale presented me with the pictured pink can of mace. As he handed it to me, he saw my expression and conceded to say: "Just please spray first, THEN you kick them in the face, OK?" ROFLMAO!!! He knows me all too well.

Sunday, February 02, 2014

LEARNING SLIPS From February 9, 2013

I texted Krzysztof ("K") this morning that my back was toast from last night's drills. He asked me to let him know when I hurt so that he can tailor my next workout to avoid injury. Thursday night I worked a lot on "slips" (see video) and we did 30 straight minutes of strike avoidance (getting out of the way of a punch or kick). This involves bending and ducking in all sorts of odd positions while keeping your balance, your fight stance and breathing correctly. It's hard. I like this video because it shows how sopping wet you get boxing and you can hear their "breathing" patterns which is what K is a drill sergeant about. Fricking breathing. Oh! and his latest beef with me is my "angry face". LOL! When I start feeling the burn and start grunting - my face contorts into what K calls my angry face. He says this: "STOP with the angry face. RELAX and breath." I'm all "RELAX?!? Are you f'in kidding me?? I like making my angry face!" Then he gets his Krzysztof look and says "So you like letting your opponent know you are hurting and tired? Not a good plan." I hate it when he makes sense.

So I've been with K for 6 months now and I swear he finds a new muscle to rip apart in me every session. So he tells me this afternoon that I won't run on the treadmill today, but instead he felt I was ready for "running ladders". You know ladders - you see football players doing it all the time in practice. It's like hopscotch on steroids. I just try not to trip over my own feet. So now my knees, hips and ankles have joined my back in hell. And I get one whole day off before I go back.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

CRAZY TIRED From January 31, 2012

I drove home from training in Torrance tonight with my boxing wraps on because I was just plain too tired to take them off.  I finished and just grabbed my bag and slowly walked out the door to my truck. No shower, no socializing, no nothing. Some days I train with a vengeance, and other days I am a train wreck. Today I was a train wreck. I just didn't have the right kind of energy or something. I had 7 min left (enough for one last round) when I reached my last rep doing leg lifts (for sit-ups/kicks). I just laid there in a pool of my own sweat (K calls me a "sweat angel") on my back on the floor in front of about 100 people in the gym, eyes closed, breathing heavy. K looked down at me and said "It looks like you're done for tonight." I said "Yes, stick a fork in me." K laughed. "OK, I'll cut you a break tonight, but not tomorrow." Me: "Thank the good Lord in Heaven."

Friday, January 31, 2014

FOOD MY FRIEND From January 22, 2012

Food. An easy substance for all of us to abuse. It is much easier (easier not easy) to quit smoking than eat healthy all the time because all you have to do is not pick up a cigarette again. You have to deal with food all day, every day. You can't ignore it.
If my trainer (K) had his way, I would be eating 4 meals a day - all before 7 pm, all protein with good carbs like veges and brown rice. It doesn't happen. At least not 100% of the time. What I do is give it my best shot. I make sure I eat protein with every meal (chicken, eggs, beef tenderloin, turkey, whey, shrimp), try to have a big portion of veges at least once (better twice) of asparagus, cauliflower, peppers, onions, spinach, brussel sprouts - and a smaller portion of some carb. I don't always pick the best carbs, but I don't eat much bread or pasta these days and I lay off the sugar as much as I can. I drink pretty much only water, tea, black coffee and nonfat milk in small portions. K says more important than anything is portion control. Today I had oatmeal with protein powder (whey) for breakfast, a small black bean burrito with salsa for lunch, and I split a big helping of beef fajitas into two meals for supper and dinner. Pretty good day. Then I made cookies. OOPS. Crap. But really, it is WAY better than I used to do, which was eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I didn't care. I didn't care what it did to me; I didn't even care if it killed me. But I have to care. Things changed big time for me, though, and I stopped not caring whether I lived or died. I have a purpose, things do happen for a reason and life is not to be wasted. I don't make eating complicated, I just follow what I said above the best I can. I don't count calories, I don't eat or drink "diet" anything and I don't eat things I don't like. End of story.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Pre-back surgery dinner!

Spicy shrimp linguini pomodoro with basil and a garlic bread stick!  Yum!  Figured I would eat something good (BAD!) before having to deal with hospital food tomorrow.  Yup, back surgery tomorrow afternoon...yikes.  Can't wait to get this over with and get back to boxing with my favorite retired UFC fighter!  :-)

Sunday, June 09, 2013

The Graduate!

My step son graduated from AMDA in Hollywood, CA this weekend and I couldn't be prouder!  He is so grown up.  With all of his family visiting from different states, he still wanted to ride with me all day to the various celebrations/events.  It made me feel so special.  :-)  Next weekend he is taking me to some play based on the Exorcist - LOL!  We bond over our mutual love of all things horror!

Tuesday, June 04, 2013

I never thought I could be so happy...even with back surgery pending

I am dealing with some pretty heavy stuff that normally would tip me right over the edge...but...I feel incredibly blessed.  My life has taken many hard turns over the years and lessons-a-plenty I have learned.  All those things that happened that I thought were bad, though, turned out to be blessings in disguise and fatefully took me to the place I'm at now.  I wouldn't do anything different.  I wouldn't be the person I am today if I had gone down a different road.

My mom was diagnosed with a terminal illness almost a year ago, and I am laid up with a herniated disc in my back that is excruciatingly painful, but because of these things, an incredible bond and friendship with my mom has developed that is more deep and loving than I could have ever imagined!  I have been forced to stay at home and learn what is important in life, and well, I have had to deal with myself!  You can't run from your thoughts when you are down for the count. These are precious days.

Since I moved to California 3 years ago, I have had the time of my life!  I live in a beautiful paid-for house with a pool, I've become even closer with my step son and have watched him grow up and get through college (he is graduating next weekend!), I get to go to Disneyland all the time, I've started traveling more, I make a ton a money and don't even really have to work anymore if I don't want to, I have a great job that let's me work from home to take care of my mom, I've met some incredible people who have turned into irreplaceable friends, I found a hobby I love (boxing) with the best trainer EVER (Krzysztof), I gained a second mom in my mom's best friend Cathy (my Godmother), and last February I met a really great (and hot!) guy with a huge heart (Dale) that I love spending time with - just when I was convinced there were no decent single guys left on the earth!  I know that even when my mom passes and I become the last standing in my family, I will have an awesome non-blood family that I adore and that I know will be there for me.  I also get to see my best friend in the whole world all the time even though she lives in Seattle because we make sure to talk every day and visit each other as often as possible.

So, even with the challenges ahead of me, I am truly grateful for my life.  I never knew happiness the way I know it now; I have peace and love in my life, and I give all the thanks to God who told me everything was going to work out - I just never really believed Him.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

My Epidural Steroid Injection

OK, epidural over with. If anyone tells you it is no big deal to get an epi injection for a bulging herniated disc is....LYING! First of all, they put you on this ironing board (narrow) bed thing with yer butt sticking up in the air, then they give you "light" sedation which doesn't do diddly squat, then they stick you in the back/butt/hip 3 times for local anesthetic which KILLS, then BOOM they cram this huge long needle into your lower back and send you through the freakin' roof!! I screamed into my pillow and bit down on my own hand to keep from punching everyone in the room. OMG it felt like the nerve in my left leg was gonna explode! OUCH! Then, while writhing around in the recovery room moaning, the pain finally started to subside. The nurse said my blood pressure and heart rate were dangerously high from the pain, but the fact that I had that much of a pain reaction was a "good thing" because it means the doctor nailed the right area and my chance for success was much higher. I hope she is right, cuz I ain't doin' that again. The pain is supposed to slowly go away over the next week and the full effect of the injection should take place on the 6th or 7th day. I go back to physical therapy on Friday and if it holds, I will be back to normal in 2 to 3 weeks. Finger and toes crossed and prayers-a-plenty! Back surgery, if needed, would have a 6 week recovery and I would go crazy, so I don't want that. K is excited for me to come back and we will work up VERY slowly, concentrating on strengthening my core. I didn't gain any weight back on my hiatus, I actually lost 12 pounds, so that won't be an issue thank the LORD.

I feel pretty good tonight, my back feels "stronger", meaning I can stand up straight. Previously I would have to hunch over and then sit back down after a few minutes from my back muscles giving out. I have to take it very easy the next few days, so blah, but I'm SOOOO glad that is over with and seems to be working so far.

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

Dismal MRI Results. Arg.

So last Wednesday I FINALLY got the MRI, albeit an "open" MRI so that I stopped having panic attacks.  I have an appointment to see a specialist tomorrow morning and my doctor STILL hasn't returned any of my phone calls asking for the results.  I called maybe 20 times - I think the receptionist wants to kick me in my female parts.  I have to go in tomorrow with XRAY and MRI stuff in my hands, so I had also called the diagnostic place and put in an order for the CDs.  Because my doc didn't call with a summary and tell me what is wrong with me in ENGLISH, I had to read the report myself.  Yeah, so it says "Blah blah blah, bulging blah blah severe, blah blah L4, L5 and S1 with mild to moderate blah.  I *think* I have deciphered it to mean I have a herniated disc or two with some arthritis.  Not good - the report was scary.  So I will have to find out the details tomorrow.  I think everyone has it out for me to just continue to be in massive pain.  Good times.

Monday, May 06, 2013

"Iced Coffee is my life"

There is a blogger out there who UNDERSTANDS.  I love coffee; all kinds of coffee, but iced is by FAR my favorite and the one kind I cannot live without.  Here is a post that describes how to make the perfect iced coffee at home and I know now, that my life is complete.  I will cold brew espresso of course, but I'm sure everyone has their preferences.  It is a lot of work, but sooooo worth it - I could not handle a commute to work without it.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Stupid MRI Tubes

I almost did not have an MRI today. Um..that little tiny LONG tube that they put you in head first on your back? Yeah, NO F'ing WAY! I tried to be tough and brave, I really did. I actually got all the way inside that thing before freaking out. I pep-talked myself that I could do this. I couldn't. My shoulders are too wide to fit in the MRI tube, so they made me raise my arms over my head. Once inside, my shoulders were pressing against the sides of the tube, and also against my ears, the top of the tube was TOUCHING MY NOSE, and my hips were squished against the sides too. I totally and completely panicked and yelled to be taken out. I was sweating and hyperventilating. Right now, just typing this, my heart is racing and I have that punch in the pit of the stomach feeling. I apologized profusely to the tech, but I'm sorry, that was ridiculously crazy! He was really nice and said most people can't do it and that it was totally fine. He gave me two other options (THANK GOD) of sedation or what they call an "open" MRI. I said no to sedation - what if I woke up? NOPE. So I went with the open MRI. MUCH BETTER. They had to send me to another facility, but I'm so glad it worked out. The open MRI is like a giant hamburger bun - with the sides open. I was cool with that - actually fell asleep. Whew!! I'm going to have nightmares about that other one...
Now it's hurry up and wait.  Do I have a herniated disc or what???  I want to know NOW!  I want it FIXED! Krzysztof says I will be back at training soon, but I'm so scared they will tell me I shouldn't train.  This whole disability thing doesn't work for me.  I will find a way damnit!!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Amen Brother, Amen

I really like my doctor. After 4 denials, she called my insurance company today and kicked butt. She smiled when she handed me the approval number for my MRI. She took my hand and said "we are gonna get you better". Apparently I've lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks because I am in too much pain to eat. I called her office this morning in tears. I'm not a big cryer. Her nurse told me to be there in an hour. I came in hunched over with big puffy, red eyes. I didn't comb my hair or put makeup on. Too much effort. I got ZERO sleep last night from the blinding pain shooting up and down my leg, up through my back into my eyeballs and back down to my calves. I wanted to scream but it came out in short little bursts of pitiful grunts. Got more steroids and pain killers shot into my butt today, but I am pain-free this evening (relief!) and my MRI is scheduled for Wednesday morning and I have an appointment with a spine specialist. Lots of happier people in my life now, especially K who put his sledgehammer back in his trunk - and I am dwelling on his last text "now it's time to pray for best-case scenario results". Amen brother, amen.

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

Spending Spree

Before I found out about the gazillion dollars I owe the IRS, I did a little shopping.  I found these cool jeans and really pretty comforter at, and I got new frames for my glasses.  So now I look cool and sleep cozy while the US government gets to retire on my very painful payment.  Because of the short sale on my home in Washington last year I was punched right in the gut.  Thank God I knew it was coming and was prepared - it could have been heart-attack inducing! I'm not kidding...I could have paid cash outright for a new car with what I had to pay them!  Arrrrrg.

Monday, April 08, 2013

Invasive Fish

So I ran across this really interesting little webpage called Invasive Fish.  Well, I didn't really "run across" it, I met the author. (A story for another time.)  ;-)  You should check it out for yourself - interesting stuff.  Fun pictures!  You should visit.  Go!  Go now!

Now, some of you know that I like to fish, and that I have very fond memories of fishing with my dad.  I was dragged all over as a kid camping, fishing, hiking - stuff like that, and because I was an only child, I paid attention, learned quickly and kept to myself.  This gave me the edge.  I remember all the old men on the docks were so impressed with how quiet and well behaved I was (not anything like I am now....) and they would all clap or congratulate me when I made a good catch.  I would get so excited watching the fish flop around.  Other kids would get bored and cast out, reel in, cast out, reel in - and drive everyone crazy -- and I would just sit there patiently listening to my walkman - finger on my line so that I could feel any little nibble.  I gnawed on my beef jerky and would steal marshmellows from my dad's tackle box.  Good times.  I haven't fished since my dad passed away in 2007, but I have reason to get my pole wet again now, so perhaps my dad will go with me in spirit.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Physical Therapy, a Walking Stick and Shots in the Butt

So I really jacked up my back good.  Having a rough time getting better. It had been 6 days without getting better, so physical therapy was the next step. I've had back injuries before, but never has recovery taken this long with so much effort. Icing, heat, drugs, stretching, praying. I guess it's the getting old thang. Or maybe I'm stubborn and can't break from sitting too long at the keyboard with the pressure bearing down on my lower back. Either way my patience is running thin. K is in constant contact with me checking up on my progress. I told him I was worried it was taking me too many steps backwards and I'm scared of regressing. I told him I don't like being idle and that I missed training terribly. This was his reply: "Everything happens for a reason. It was a sign that your body needed some rest and was being pushed too hard. This rest will be good for you. Don't stress about it. We will get back at it soon, and will go light and slowly push." You can tell by his response that he feels responsible for pushing me hard, even though I've told him that isn't so.

I'm trying to keep my mind occupied with writing, reading and talking/spending time with the newest addition to my life - which is good. I'm learning some things about myself. Work has been a little overwhelming lately, but I did complete a huge project which is a load off. I was able to relax tonight for the first time in awhile enjoying some of the simpler things in life.

Got two shots in the butt a week ago, and two more today (ouchie!!), got x-rays taken and went to my first physical therapy session on Monday. PT went really well; I feel better already, but I am learning all new ways to move/walk and get up from sitting and prone positions. It's odd and will take some getting used to. The last 7 months of training has produced several large "knots" in my lumbar spine that are impinging on several different nerves, causing extreme pain. My PT doesn't suspect any disc damage (x-rays will verify that) but it will take 6 to 8 weeks of PT 3 times a week before I am fully healed. UG. I will most likely be back at training in a week or so, but will be starting off slower and there will be more stretching before and after. I still get to hit and kick things, but with some caution. This injury will NOT WIN. It turns out several guys from my old gym are regulars at the PT facility - go figure! We all beat up our bodies, apparently, and get lazy in our movements. I use my lower back muscles WAY too much for everything, so now I will be using more of my abdominal muscles. Good times. I have MAJOR cabin fever so I'm going back to work to tomorrow - my first day without pain killers.  I have a walking stick just in case I feel myself losing balance.  We'll see how it goes.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Me the other day contemplating all my new possibilities... see post below!

Injured, Sick, Loopy, but Suddenly Pretty Damn Happy!

Last Saturday I came down with a chest cold, but decided to go to training anyway on Sunday because I didn't want to cancel on K at the last minute when he was driving all the way down from Torrance to train me at Reign in Lake Forest.  I was doing pretty well despite feeling crappy - sweating the toxins out.  He was taking it pretty easy on me, and I was glad I decided to go.  The last 15 minutes of the session, he had me doing "get ups"; an exercise where I wear a 50-pound vest thingee and fall on the ground and get back up again.  Weird, I know, but getting knocked down and having to get back up is all part of boxing - go figure!  On one of my get-ups, I twisted JUST the wrong way and BOOM, I went down like a rag doll.  Twinge in the back.  OK, no problem, just sit for a minute and try again.  Nope, not happening.  Mega pain.  Back was toast.  Couldn't get up.  K panicked when he saw the way I went down (he could tell it wasn't good) and came running.  He had to help me up and he stretched me out for about 20 minutes.  It helped a little, enough to get me to the car, but sharp pains were shooting all over my body from my lower back.  CRAP.  I can't even say I was doing some awesome high twist kick or something cool like that...NO...I hurt my back getting up off the fucking floor.  Awesome.  LOL.

I had to drive to Hollywood later that eve to go to one of my (step) son's performances, and I think the drive to/from did some more damage to my back.  When I got home I tried Aleve, stretching and some ice, but when I tried to get up off the floor from all that, I could NOT GET UP!  I mean seriously I couldn't!  I started to have a panic attack and cried briefly in fear.  It is a helpless, awful feeling!!  Mags was upset and was whining and trying to lick my face.  After much trying in excrutiating pain, I made it up onto the recliner (thank you push-up practice!)  I crawled up the stairs (literally) to bed.  The next morning I could not stand up straight without holding on to something!  It took me FOREVER to get the bathroom, I almost peed myself!  Soooo not good.  Called the doctor immediately when I coughed big and fell down.  The doctor prescribed some pretty heavy duty stuff - Percocet (pain killer), Flexiril (muscle relaxer), Prednisone (steroid) and Naproxen (high powered anti-infammatory).  I also got two shots in the ass (a pain killer and steroid) right in the office.  (and shots in the ass really freakin' hurt btw!)  Apparently I am all kinds of fucked up.  Ack!  Well, it was bound to happen with all this crazy training I do with UFC guys, so I have to suck it up.  K has had like, 27 surgeries and knows my plight all too well.  Comes with the territory - especially being 41, overweight and somewhat new at this.  I won't be driving (cuz of meds) and probably can't train for 2 weeks.  NOOOO!  So upset.  The next few days sucked.  My chest cold developed into Bronchitis and work is out of control busy, and since I am having to work from home all loopy - it is quite the challenge.

Here is the cool part.  I met someone recently who has inspired me to start writing again. I used to write a lot on my website/blog, but I have been stagnant for quite awhile because I had no muse. I suddenly have a muse. It's true I haven't posted much lately, but I have some writing in the works and am trying to decide whether to post it here, start something completely new or maybe submit it elsewhere...hmm...decisions, decisions. Maybe all of the above! I wonder what my writing is like whilst (whilst!) I am partaking of a narcotic cocktail of pain killers and muscle relaxers? (How am I doing so far?)

Suddenly I'm so happy! I have a big smile on my face! Pain ain't gonna take ME down! Weeeeeee!  Yup, my life has taken some new turns lately and although some things seem rather dreary, it is turning out to be intriguing, motivating and I kind of have a fluttery feeling all over.  ;-)  Some other things in my life seem to be fading away, but there are new corners I'm turning, with interesting things appearing in front of me.  I am excited to see where all these new things will lead.

Life, here I am!  The good, the bad and the ugly - it's all good!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

The moment you wonder why you thought having a dog was a good idea

OK, I have to tell you all about my lovely morning. So I had to get up at 7 am (and you all know I don't start functioning until around noon, right?) to take Maggie into the groomer, and then drop my truck off at the mechanic. I put Mags in the back seat, like always. Everything seemed fine and normal. She ran back and forth from each end of the back seat pawing the windows, whining and jumping all over. Then I got to the groomer's and when I opened the back door to let Mags out, I almost threw up. She had had a diarrhea accident, and it was EVERYWHERE. Freaking EVERYWHERE. All over the seats, the windows, the doors, the seatbelts, her, her leash, everything. Then she jumped into my arms. Yeah. Not good. I had to clean it all up quickly, too, because my next stop was the mechanic. Thank the Lord God in Heaven for Clorox wipes. Gah.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

They make me feel good about myself

I know y'all (all 3 of you) are probably sick by now of my training posts, but this is a big thing for me right now so ya gotta deal, OK?  OK.  :-)

So yesterday at training a couple of things. First, as I was walking in, this huge, ripped fighter guy was walking out and said "Dang girl, you are here more than I am!!" I laughed cuz it's true, I live there. Then, one of the other trainers gave me a "fist bump" as I was walking by and said "Good luck today!". I thought he was just basically saying have a good training session, but I found out later it was more than that.

It was an exceptionally difficult session - one of the things K had me do was pull a weight rack towards me from all the way across the gym with a big, long, thick rope tied to it -- like hauling in a catch; then I had to push it to back into place and do it again. We also did sledgehammers (slamming down a heavy-ass sledgehammer onto a big monster tire -- apparently K carries his sledgehammer around in his car..hahaha.) About half way through I was just DRENCHED in sweat, makeup all over everywhere, and breathing heavy; face was purple. K told me to sit for a minute and recoup and he brought me my water bottle. He came and sat down next to me coaching me on my recovery breathing and said this:

K: "I want to tell you something."

Me: "ooh nooo, what? Am I doing it wrong?"

K: (laughing) "No. A few of my other MALE clients could not finish this same workout today. You've already gone farther in - they quit. I wanted you to know that."

Me: "Whaa? Are you kidding?"

K: "No. When Arnie, my boss, (the guy who fist bumped you earlier) saw my training plan for you today he said 'holy shit Krzysztof, isn't that a little aggressive for her?' - - I told him no, she'll do it, watch her."

Me: (I just sat there blinking at him; I had no words.)

K: (smiling) "I was right."

They must all do it on purpose to motivate, but these guys make me feel so good about myself. God bless them!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

My Road

I walk my own road. I always have. Sometimes I run down it, sometimes I am dragged down it and I sometimes even crawl down it, but it is MY road alone. Sometimes people try to get on it with me, but they (so far) just get plucked off, kicked off, jump off or fall off.

I interned for King County Police in Seattle when I was in college, and I became very good friends with the chief of homicide; he kind of treated me like a daughter and took me under his wing. (That was the dept. I wanted to work in once upon a time.) I remember distinctly on my last day, he handed me an envelope with a letter in it. Something he said in it really touched me and has stayed with me. He wrote "Cheryl, you are a very unique woman on her own road. You have a destiny ahead of you that will challenge you, but always remember that it takes both strength AND heart to make that journey. I believe you will go far. It has been an incredible pleasure getting to know you. Good luck to you in the Academy! Keep your sharp wit and stay out of those pool halls!" (haha on the last part, I played a lot of pool back then.) What brought this up you ask? Well, K had me doing push-kicks tonight (those are when you push your opponent backwards away from you by bringing up your knee to your chest and thrusting your foot out to their chest) and for some reason every time I did one I heard in my head "GET OFF MY ROAD!!", which made the kicks more forceful. You see, the voices in my head try to help out during training - LOL! So, it brought this memory up for me.

Monday, March 04, 2013

My Trainer in the Movies...

So most of you know that my trainer "K", former UFC superstar Krzysztof Soszynski, is now an actor as well.  He was in "Here Comes the Boom" with Kevin James - playing "Ken Dietrich", and his newest movie "Tapped" will be out this fall where he landed a major role as the bad guy.  I also just found out that he will be in two HORROR movies; production beginning soon.  One is called "Severed Connections" and the other (and I quote from him...) is "Blah, blah, something in the woods" which will be shot in Texas.  LOL!  One of these days I'm gonna ask him to get me a part in one of these horror movies as an extra.  :-)  I need to be a zombie!

For those of you who aren't privy to my Facebook page: here are my last few posts...just for fun.

Making new friends at the UFC Gym, and I'm putting in effort to get out of my comfort zone. I am outgoing and friendly (or try to be) but I have this habit of not trusting anyone (especially women which might surprise some of you), or, I get set in my routine and don't waver from it. My friend wanted me to come down to San Diego to hit the casino with him and some of his friends and family, but I had training that night and so I declined. Stupid. Should have gone. Would have been fun. I *CAN* reschedule training and still get my 4 nights in a week with K. I also got invited to go back to Austin, Texas again in June, but it conflicts with vacation time one of my direct reports has scheduled so I declined because I figured I would get told NO due to having too many peeps in my department gone at once. I should at least ASK first before assuming. I will do that on Monday. One of the people going said "But you HAVE to go! It won't be as fun without you!!" How sweet is that? I think some out of town trips would be really, really good for me. For Pete's sake I still haven't been to VEGAS!  Plus, I want to keep getting asked to do stuff, so I need to say yes more often. I'm not getting any younger that's for sure, and a single, financially stable woman should be groovin' all the time before the world goes to hell in a hand basket. I just booked a flight for a quick trip to see my BFF in mid-April, so I just gotta keep up the good work!

I read a lot and recently read the "The 18 Rules of Happiness". I was surprised to learn that I practice most of them and that is probably why I'm so happy of late, but if I work on those last ones - imagine the extra bliss!  Rule #3 is "Say yes more". It starts with a quote: "I will say yes to every favor, request, suggestion and invitation. I will swear to say yes where once I would say no." - Danny Wallace. The only time I can feel good about saying no is when I already have plans! BUT... I will take a raincheck!!

Tonight K started me with tabata sprints, then the big rope pull, then slams, then sledgehammers, then crunches and leg raises, then side kicks, then front foot pushes, then a whole bunch of skipping rope. He always saves the best for last. As I was leaving, he added this: "I am teaching Muay Thai and kickboxing on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays. Pick two and come. I want you sparring with my guys." Apparently 4 nights a week isn't enough. aaaaaaaahhh.

I am a beefaholic. A vegan's worst nightmare. You'd think my cholesterol would be through the roof, but it's actually gone from 302 down to 200 in 6 months. Tonight I made Filet Mignon (seared in a cast iron skillet), steamed asparagus and quinoa rice pasta (linguini cut) sprinkled with a little parmesan, garlic, red pepper flakes and olive oil. YUMM! K doesn't want me eating wheat or flour, rice pasta gives me the pasta choice.

Something I read today that made me think: "There is no up without down, no strength without weakness, no light without dark. One cannot understand or feel true joy without first experiencing pain and sadness." Hmm. So true. The balance of life. God knows what he is doing.

I made it through training tonight with plenty of energy - but I got my butt kicked big time. Back is hurting from high twist kicks and kettle bell swings. (40lb full-body kettle bell swings are HARD!!) He also made me do planks in between sets. My elbows/forearms were sliding to the sides during planks because there was a waterfall pouring off of my face onto the matt. This makes things extra difficult - it feels like I'm on a slip-n-slide. There are about 100 cardio machines in 3 long rows (treadmills, ellipticals, rowers, etc.), all facing the same direction at the UFC gym. Guess who was getting trained and paraded right in front of their line of site? Yup. I swear K does this on purpose. I have to concentrate really hard to block my audience out.

Saturday, February 09, 2013

I texted K this morning that my back was toast from last night's drills. He asked me to let him know when I hurt so that he can tailor my next workout to avoid injury. Thursday night I worked a lot on "slips" (see video) and we did 30 straight minutes of strike avoidance (getting out of the way of a punch or kick). This involves bending and ducking in all sorts of odd positions while keeping your balance, your fight stance and breathing correctly. It's hard. I like this video because it shows how sopping wet you get boxing and you can hear their "breathing" patterns which is what K is a drill sergeant about. Fricking breathing. Oh! and his latest beef with me is my "angry face". LOL! When I start feeling the burn and start grunting - my face contorts into what K calls my angry face. He says this: "STOP with the angry face. RELAX and breathe." I'm all "RELAX?!? Are you f'in kidding me?? I like making my angry face!" Then he gets his Krzysztof look and says "So you like letting your opponent know you are hurting and tired? Not a good plan." I hate it when he makes sense.

Slip drills:

So I've been with K for 6 months now and I swear he finds a new muscle to rip apart in me every session. So he tells me this afternoon that I won't run on the treadmill today, but instead he felt I was ready for "running ladders". You know ladders - you see football players doing it all the time in practice. It's like hopscotch on steroids. I just try not to trip over my own feet. So now my knees, hips and ankles have joined my back in hell. And I get one whole day off before I go back.

A question I was recently asked: "So, what do you do besides work and train?" LOL. Not much! That is my life. It takes a HUGE amount of time and dedicaton to do this. I only work so that I can afford training - or I'd give that up. :-) I don't have kids to raise, or a husband to slave over so I'm free to do the things I've always wanted to do! I don't know how I settled on boxing/kickboxing/MMA - but I found my "thing". Who would of thought??? I'm sure the people of my past would be rolling their eyes, insulting me and calling me Jane Wayne, but I don't care what anyone thinks, I love training and I'm not losing myself again!! It originally started as something to do to regain my health, but now it is my love and obsession. Some women are obsessed with men, I'm obsessed with punching them. hahahahahaha

Saturday, February 02, 2013

I don't even know where to start!!

There is so much going on in my life right now, it is hard to know how to put it all on here.  I am on Facebook every day - it would be so nice if I could just copy and paste all that crap here and be done with it.  LOL.

Training is going well.  I had a pivotal moment with it in December when Krzysztof (K) got pissed at me and told me I needed to get my shit together.  It was at that moment that I decided to quit smoking for real and change some things in my life forever.  I did it!  Smoke free for over a month now!  My eating is much better, too, and yesterday K told me I was doing "fucking amazing"!  He has never said anything like that before - he is more of the yell at me type.  K's new move "Tapped" comes out in the spring.  He is the bad guy again.  I am actually learning some technique now, rather than just gasping for oxygen.  Boxing is hard!!  I will start learning MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) at the end of the year when I've dropped enough weight to do the grappling and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

Mom is hanging in there - all done with Chemo and Radiation; lost her hair, and it is growing back now.  She had 70% tumor shrinkage and is in a partial remission at the moment.  She is back to her "squirrel on crack" persona running around here driving me crazy.  The doctor gave her less than a year, but I don't know, she is pretty onery.  :-)  I got her an Xbox 360 for Christmas because she wanted to play the Kinnect (like the Wii) for virtual bowling since she can't do it in real life.  I, myself, am enjoying the zombie killing games.  My step son is schooling me on all things Xbox.  "Left 4 Dead", "Dead Island" and now they just came out with "The Walking Dead" (after the series), which I love of course.  I asked my therapist if there was something wrong with me (muscle cars, xbox, horror movies, boxing), she said no, I was just a unique girl who was in touch with her male side.  So I'm going with that.  People laugh at me when I have my boxing wraps on with my long, manicured nails.  You CAN be girly and be a boxer too.  Look at Ronda Rousey!!  She is totally beautiful and is one of the first women to be in the UFC!!  UFC 157 in Feb!!

Work is weird.   Now that my Seattle counterparts are gone and the NJ plant shut down, I am overwhelmed and stressed, and don't know how much longer it is going to last.  I'm putting all my money into savings and trying to hold off buying my new Dodge Challenger until after tax time.  I want to pay cash for the car, but I don't want to eat up all my savings doing it.  Training is super expensive too, so I have to figure out how I will replace my income temporarily if something happens to my job.  I'm still working from home 3 days a week since mom isn't driving, but I also train 4 nights a week, am still remodeling the house, the boys (my step son and friends) come see me about once a month, and I go up there to see his plays, etc.  Training used to be right here in Lake Forest, but K got a job at a new UFC gym in Torrance, so I followed him up there.  Now it is an hour there and back.  :-/  He is worth it, though, I am actually learning shit!  and losing weight!  and I quit smoking!  and I'm getting buff!

Well, that should catch you up somewhat.  I went to Seattle in December to visit my best friend, which was a blast but I froze to death, lol.  I am going back to see her again in April, then she is coming to see me in July and I will take her to Disneyland.

For those who asked, here is a typical day of my "fighter" diet that K monitors very closely:

Breakfast:  1/2 cup of steel cut oats (oatmeal) with stevia or honey.  2 eggs with salsa/peppers, water, cup of coffee.  Multi-vitamin, fish oil, Vitamin D, Calcium.
Mid morning:  Protein shake with vanilla/caramel whey, 1 banana, non fat milk.
Lunch:  Grilled chicken with veges (celery, pepperocini's, carrots, green peppers, green onions, cucumbers) and tomato in a spring mix/spinach salad in a ginger sesame dressing with croutons, water.
Midday: Protein shake with Chocolate whey, strawberries, peanut butter and nonfat milk.
--Killer workout for an hour--
Dinner: BBQ'd Beef tenderloin steak, steamed asparagus, wild rice OR sweet potato OR a little pasta, water.

Ta-Ta for now!

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Still Alive...

I am working on a new site.  I will be back soon.  Don't give up on me!

Friday, November 16, 2012

Breaking Bad

OK, I came to the party a little late, but 'Breaking Bad' is hands down the BEST show EVER!  It beats LOST, 24...ALL of them!  My 70 year old (but very hip) therapist recommended it to me for a "distraction".  (Yes, I have a therapist, I have a few issues..)  She absolutely loves the show (along with everyone else on the planet) and laughed while telling me the concept - a struggling, nerdy, seemingly spineless middle-aged chemistry teacher is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer (what my mom has) and winds up creating this pure crystal meth via advanced chemistry techniques with a former student of his so that he can leave money for his broke family and pregnant wife after he dies.  OMG, the show is CRAZY, but incredibly well acted (Bryan Cranston has won 3 emmy's now) and it just hooks you in completely.  I was sitting with my jaw open at the end of episode 3, Season 1.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  I have been watching the seasons thru Netflix - waiting for each disc in the mail.  NOT GOOD ENOUGH.  So I went out and bought a new 55 inch Samsung HD, 3D LCD TV with internet and a new cutting edge Surround Sound system so that I can stream Netflix live and see the show in all of it's glory whenever I want.  So what that it cost me $3500....ha!  Maybe I will wait on retirement just a little longer.  It gets delivered and setup tomorrow!!!  Can't wait!


Here is a clip of one of my favorite scenes; the turning point at which Walt goes from skittery mouse to complete BADASS:

Thursday, November 08, 2012

Life and other crazy shit...

So the monkey wrench got tossed right into the ocean.  BUT, there was much learning from the event.  I learned how I really feel about something and figured my priorities out.  I think it happened for a reason because otherwise I would still be confused and unsure.  As far as the prediction I mentioned, it can still unfold in my current situation -- I just didn't realize it before.  All in all, a positive learning experience...and a reinforced belief that "if something seems too good to be true, it probably is."

Krzysztof is now working me 4 days a week and I am actually improving by leaps and bounds!  Especially my endurance in running/climbing.  I can do more push ups, too!  Weight is coming off slowly, but the inches are really adding up! (Muscle weighs more than fat)

Mom is doing well - starts her fourth and final round of chemo next week, and finished radiation.  She will complete all of her treatment by Thanksgiving!  Yay!

I want to retire.  My job is too stressful.  They pay me a lot, but I am so tired and I want to try and enjoy life before things get really bad.  You know, do some traveling and stuff.  Going to think about it and look for medical insurance alternatives to see if I can swing it some time in the next two years.  Maybe write for a living or do something fun part time.  I don't know.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Monkey Wrench

Some very unexpected events have occurred in the last week, and I am all of a sudden questioning parts of my life.  A monkey wrench has been thrown in.  The monkey wrench is good...really good...hence the confusion and questioning.  There is some heart string pulling.  It also made me realize how unsure I was about certain things.  Sorry to be so vague; I'm sure this predicament will unfold at some point and I won't be able to resist writing about it, but for now I need to get my head on straight and make GOOD decisions.  This is happening for a reason; even others have told me they sense a good change occurring for me without them having much information.  A kind of collective "this seems different...different good".  Bizarre.  The other piece of this is that it was predicted by someone, and it seems to be happening exactly as spoken.

October 20th could (possibly) become a very significant date for me.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Wanna Know What I've Been Doing and Eating?

I'm 3 months into training now with professional UFC fighter, Krzysztof Soszynski.  He also makes my meals, which are quite yummy!  My body has never hurt so much, but felt so good at the same time!  I am getting stronger and leaner every day and I'm loving this awesome and fun new sport!

Krzysztof's Power Breakfast


Inside Training with UFC Fighter - Krzysztof Soszynski

I also just got back from 'Here Comes the Boom'! It was a cute movie, but I have to say, seeing a movie with someone you know in it, and sitting in the theater WITH them at the same time is as cool as it gets!!! The Reign Team was all there tonight cheering and hollering - so fun!! K was freaking awesome!!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Here Comes the Boom

So the place I train, Reign Training Center, is renting out a movie theater for the premiere of "Here Comes the Boom" and we all get to go! My trainer K (Krzysztof Soszynski) and the owner Mark Munoz (my new friend) are in the movie!! How cool is that?? If you watch the previews in the link below (there are several versions of the preview, so be sure to keep watching to see them all) and K is the guy with all the tattoos down his arm. It's funny, I can kind of relate to the main character in the movie..haha...although K doesn't punch me in the face. Yet. :-)

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Never think it can't get worse!

The past month has been challenging to say the least.  My great uncle died, a dear friend of mine died suddenly, and I've been trying to balance working full time from home (occassionally going into the office), caring for my terminally ill mom, and (sort of) having a social life.  The social life is suffering.  John keeps wanting to get together, but I've either had my step son over, my best friend from Seattle visiting or some crisis happening.  I feel so lost right now.  So many things have happened in the last 5 years, and it isn't slowing down!  I can't even begin to wonder what next year will bring.  I'm trying to be brave, but sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night afraid.  I don't know how long my job will let me work from home.  I'm just trying to survive the best I can for now.  I'm on God's good humor.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

I'll never learn

Y'all wanted training stories...well I have one tonight. As you may know, I am stubborn and pig-headed, and rarely do what I'm told. K (that's what I call my trainer) must say a hundred times a session, "Just let me know if u need to rest". I could be bleeding out of my eyes and I wouldn't admit I needed a break. I paid for that tonight and I think K worked me too hard on purpose to teach me a lesson. I kept going until I could barely stand up, then I hurled. It was mostly just dry heaves, but when you have boxing gloves on you can't wipe your mouth or open the bathroom door. I think K felt bad because he kept apologizing. LOL. I got up ready to get back to it but he said we should probably call it a night. Bah!

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

OK, here's the deal...

My mom is sick.  Very, very sick.  There isn't a whole lot of time left.  I have had to take over everything and take care of her.  I am working from home a lot and trying to keep it together the best I can.  It isn't easy.  I am sad and overwhelmed to the point of collapse.  I am going to be utterly alone.

I had to break it off with John because he is never around (I see him maybe once a month with a text or two in between?) and I am not going to be his "good-enough-for-now" girl while he looks for something better online. He still has all his online dating profiles active, and I deserve more.  I care about him, but I'm not doing this anymore on HIS terms.  He has treated me well and I know he cares for me too, but I had to put on my big girl panties and grow a pair.  Maybe he will realize I am worth it, and maybe he will just let me go, but I am done waiting around.  I think he is worried about me right now because of the situation with my mom, and he has contacted me several times to make sure I'm alright, but I am staying strong.  It was hard to do, but here is the reality: he wants to keep his options open...well, he can.  I just won't be one of those options.  I can't change him and he can't change me.  I'm not needy, nor desperate, and I do just fine on my own, so be it.

My trainer is Krzysztof Soszynski, the UFC fighter.  He is ripping me to shreds!  He makes me run, then box, then kickbox, then do pushups, then run again, then I get to swing a sledge hammer down onto a monster tire.  That's the fun part.  :-)  My stamina is getting better, but when I come home, I collapse.  I am drenched in sweat, red-faced and can hardly move.  He looks scary, but he is super sweet.  He texts me two or three times a day to make sure I am eating what I'm supposed to and feeling ok.

So that's where I'm at.  My life is still a mess.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

A Lean, Mean, Fighting Machine

So I'm now doing Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) and fitness training with a personal trainer.  I start tomorrow at a place owned by a UFC guy.  Here:

I'm going to die.  That's all I know, is I'm going to die.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Paying It Forward

My faith in the human spirit is being positively influenced these days -- which is shocking. What will I do without cynicism?? So I was sitting in line at the drive-thru at Starbucks this morning before work. When I got to the window, the girl told me that the person in front of me had already paid for my drink and all I needed to do was "pay it forward" some time. Isn't that cool?? Now I'm plotting my pay-it-forward strategy. What to do...what to fun!

Thursday, July 05, 2012

50 Shades of Grey

Yup, I'm reading erotica.  Want to know what engrossed 100,000 women in just 1 week (including myself)?  Is it intellectually written?  No.  Is it a completely fun, and an intriguing story?  Yes!  Is it naughty..?  Yup.  It involves bondage, S&M and all kinds of controversial things.  They are actually selling these novels at Costco. COSTCO!  Shame on you, Costco! *Giggle*
I am done with the first book, and well into the second.  I can't put them down.  Does it give me ideas about my sex life?  Oh yeah...

It's true, I haven't written in my blog for awhile.  I've been busy, yes, been having blogger problems, yes, and well...I have other things on my mind.  The men in my life?  I am going to plead the fifth for now.  Yes, there may be something steamy in the works, but I am going to keep it to myself for now.  Sorry guys.  :-)

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Brandi's Birthday BBQ

Went to my friend Brandi's house for her birthday BBQ - we work together.  She is dating my boss, which is so convenient for me!  LOL!  They are both really great, and I had a good time.  She has 3 German Shepherds and 3 cats now (One of her Shepherds just got adopted).  They are sooo sweet!
One of Brandi's babies - Conan.  They run the house.

Brandi and Conan

Brandi's BBQ'd Chicken

My boss!  I'm so lucky.  :-)

Brandi and her other baby.  ;-)

Monday, April 23, 2012


On the way home from work tonight, I got RIGHT behind a horrific accident on 405 - in the middle lane. And I mean horrific - the car was unrecognizable and there was a guy laying on the freeway. Help arrived in seconds, literally, but it gave me flashbacks of my law enforcement days and arriving on scenes just like this one. I have the unique ability to detatch emotionally and stay calm in a crisis, but you still take it with you. I don't know the extent of the injuries, but it couldn't have been good. My heart goes out to the everyone involved and their families. It could have been me. How we take our lives for granted.

Sunday, April 22, 2012


No matter how good things are, there is always something bringing me down.  Why?  Is this just life?  Is there something wrong with me?  Does this only happen to me?  I have so many things to be thankful for.  My health, a great job, all my bills paid, a beautiful home with a pool, a cute dog, great family and friends who love me, the list goes on and on.  I guess I'm just frustrated.  I think I am mad at myself for letting someone into my heart.  I know he let me in too, but things just get so complicated when you get older.  So many things to consider.  Why is it so damn easy to express yourself and be carefree about love when you're young?  If we could only have the enthusiasm of youth again!  The boldness, the resilience, the fearlessness!

I don't know what is going to happen.  Not even a clue.  I meet and talk to men all the time.  I send some of them running with my strong personality and inability to be controlled, and some of them become good friends.  There is only one that has taken up residence in my heart.  I know how he feels, and I think he is even more afraid than I am.  It is so silly.  What are we so afraid of?

Monday, April 09, 2012

Easter Garden

I played with my camera this weekend in the backyard.  It was beautiful and in the 80's all three of my days off, and I enjoyed every second of it.  I also laid in the sun, went swimming and went to see my step son in a play up in L.A.  It was a good weekend to get my head together and relax, however I managed to fall right on my ass -- lock, stock and barrel, while walking around Hollywood.  I had on wedges, and the sidewalk was full of potholes and cracks.  I was of course carrying a big iced mocha, and wearing white went I went sailing onto the pavement.  Ouch.  Can't take me anywhere.

This is the grapefruit/orange tree in my backyard.  I put it on my computer desktop as 'wallpaper" and my mom said "Why do you have a picture of rotten fruit as wallpaper?"  LOL

The roses are in full bloom - so pretty!

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Some fun things I just bought...

Little peasant top to go with a cute skirt

Off-the-shoulder top - earthy color and cute on!

Cute beach Tee

Going out dancing shoes..

Monday, March 19, 2012

Blogger wouldn't let me post these pics yesterday...

Corned Beef, Cabbage and Potatoes!

Irish Soda Bread and Guinness beer!

Having a good time at Crow's

Fun with new friends

2-day Juice cleanse!  Bring me the toilet!!

Wednesday, March 07, 2012


Driving home from work tonight, the biggest moon I've ever seen emerged.  The pictures I took when I got home don't even come CLOSE to how it really looks.  I feel like I could just reach out and touch it.  I wish I could capture just how gorgeous it is, but I am no professional photographer and my equipment is lacking.  My Nikon does well, but this truly is a sight.

While I had the camera out, thought I would take a few pics of the pups.  Maggie and my mom's dog, Molly.

Okay, I'm hungry.


This is how it REALLY looks...

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Peace, Quiet and Sunshine

I just spent two glorious days in utter and complete bliss.  I have been laying in the 85-degree sun reading in my backyard, loving on my dog, swimming in my pool and just "being".  I feel incredibly relaxed.  Bills are paid, work is at work and my brain is happy and stress-free.  This is the good life.  Right here, right now.

There was a slight breeze as I laid down on my sunning chair just after getting out the pool.  The sun felt so good on my skin and as the pool water dripped down my back from my wet hair, it kept me cool.  I could smell my mom's jasmine in the planter behind me.  I watched Maggie stretch her back legs out behind her as she soaked in the scene as well.  The only noise was my pool heater humming, which makes me smile.  No one was bothering me, asking me questions, wanting things from me.  Peace.  I found it.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My Friend Brandi, An Honorary CrazyDogMama...

Brandi does not own a pet store nor run an animal shelter, she just has 4 German Shepherds and 3 cats.  Going to Costco with her is amusing.  :-)  All the dog/cat food weighs more than she does.

Monday, February 27, 2012

An intellectual? Really?

I took this test thingy (my intellectualness coming out here) and this was the result:


You are an intellectual: As a leader, you're often ahead of your time. As an employee, you try to surpass the competence level of peers, even managers. Incisive and curious, you're driven to deeply understand how things work. But that's things, not people. Oh, your family and friends are important; it's just that you don't need to spend hours engaging with them. Social validation isn't your goal—you're secure enough in your cerebral pursuits.

When you can't find a way to be the expert, you may withdraw or simply withhold information. If you feel yourself retreating into your own world, seek a friend's help to pull you back. Also balance your cerebral tendencies through physical activities.

You discover who you are meant to be through accumulating insight and knowledge. So follow your curiosity. Are you drawn to learning Mandarin? Joining a philosophy society? Delving into the complexities of computer programming? Pursuits that place you near the leading edge of technology, science, psychology, academia, or business are good bets. But any situation that allows you to work independently with freedom to investigate and innovate will fuel your drive. Don't feel pressured to run the company or lead the project; you may be even more effective as someone's right hand. And you'll likely find working with other people more meaningful than flying solo.

Life will have meaning for you as long as you feel stimulated. That might mean chasing twisters, exploring the polar ice caps, getting a degree in dance therapy, or becoming an astronaut. It might also mean reading new books, attending workshops, or letting yourself get swept up in an intoxicating romance. As a risk-lover with a lot of energy, you're a natural entrepreneur. You'll be happiest if you change jobs every so often and travel extensively. Movement is what keeps you going.

Out of Control Cuteness

This is a Cairn Terrier puppy...seriously sweet!

You CAN train Cairn Terriers!!  I'm definitely not an Obama fan...but this is way cute!

Saturday, February 25, 2012

What a Week

I had to leave work early yesterday, because in mid-sentence with some co-workers, my whole body went red and I started getting welts everywhere.  Allergic reaction!  To what?  I have no idea and neither does anyone else.  My heart started beating super fast, I hurled twice, took some Benedryl and did 90 on the freeway home.  I wasn't about to pay a $100 copay for the stupid emergency room.  I have an epi-pen if stop breathing.  I'm fine now.

My moms are out doing something tonight, and my friend Lisa is coming over in a few minutes.  We are going to make chicken enchiladas, margaritas and watch a horror movie.  I turned the pool heater on this morning, but I don't know if it will be warm enough by tonight.  It was down to 60 degrees, and I like 85.  Probably won't be ready until tomorrow.  And that's it.  That's all.  Big whoop.

Monday, February 20, 2012

My 4-Day Weekend

I've become paralyzingly boring.  Seriously.  Friday I slept, watched a little TV and ate dinner out with moms.  Saturday I went to an eye appt., got tires for my SUV, then ended up taking it to the shop for new brakes, rotors, shocks and a new front left hub bearing and ate dinner with moms.  Sunday I slept.  Monday I went to a doctor appt., read, slept and watched TV.  End of story.  Pathetic.  My vehicle is not yet ready, so I am working from home tomorrow, plus Maggie is going the vet again.  Tell me again how this happened.  I used to be fun.  My blog is even boring.  Shit.  Kill me.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

An Unexpected Valentine

Driving home from work my phone chimed.  Joe.  "Happy Valentine's Day, Cheryl"  He always remembers me on holidays.  All holidays.  It made me smile.  More than I thought it would.

We ended up talking for most of the night.  I'm not sure I understand.  If there is anything to understand.  Will somebody please help me with this?  We never really had an "official" relationship, but we said many sweet things to each other.  We didn't really "break up" either, life just happened and we seemed to drift apart with our busy schedules and distance (he lives over an hour away).  I think about him often, and apparently he thinks of me too.  Normally (in my experience anyway) if a man decides he doesn't want to date you, you never hear from him again.  I make it easy for them and give them a hassle-free escape, if that is what they want.  But Joe always contacts me on special days without any prompting.

I suppose I will just enjoy it for what it is.  But it is perplexing to me.  On Thanksgiving when I heard from him he said this: "Hope you and your mom have a wonderful Thanksgiving - I am very blessed and thankful for my family and friends, and meeting the most extraordinary people (that would be you).  I hope you know how special you are."  Guys don't talk like that.  Of course Joe is the one my mother likes.  Go figure.  I don't know.  I truly resolve to know nothing here.  Life is strange.