Spinning

Ugh. Too much Tequila last night. Almost got sick. Slept on the couch. What a tard. Not good this morning. Poor Jim was expecting his Father's Day gift last night, (if you know what I mean) but me got lit. Oops. Any additional movement would have sent me hurling.

I have only ingested an iced mocha and a zone bar so far today. Not great, but I don't want to push it. I'm going to TRY to eat a whole wheat, black bean and chicken burrito for lunch. I may leave out the salsa. Hehe. I have an appointment with the new gym I may join, today. It is very pretty. I just have to do a little bartering. If they want my business, which you know they do since they are new, they will give me what I want. I hope. They have a hot tub in each locker room, along with a sauna. The pool goes in next year. They also have Yoga classes, yay! I hope I can afford it.

Dog Thoughts

I got this really cute email awhile back, and even though you may have already read it, I thought that it was WAY appropriate for my blog:

Things I MUST remember as a dog:

1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.

4. I must shake rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

5. I will not eat the cat's food, before they eat it - or after they throw it up.

6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.

7. I will not throw up in the car.

8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.

10. I will not eat anymore Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.

17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are mom and dad's laps.

18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.

20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

21. I will not eat mint-flavored dental floss out of the bathroom and then have string hanging out of my butt.

22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option just after getting a bath.

23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "hello".

24. I will not hump on any person's leg, just because I thought it was a good idea.

25. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.

26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.

27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply, and just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean its cleaner.

28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.

29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly clear a room.

30. The cat is not a squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

Dog Vogue

OK, I've been alerted to the "lack of doggie pictures" lately. I don't want anyone to go thru withdrawal, so here ya go:

Here are the fuzzy freaks in my car. We were a little early for our vet appointment, so I decided to snap some shots of them. They were just a little uptight at this point, but that is really nothing new. Every time someone walked by, I was trampled and deafened.

OK, Stephanie, I'll play.

1. Spell your name backwards: lyrehc. Haha! Like in a song, baby!

2. Where do you live? Bumfuck, Washington.

3. Describe yourself in three words: Crazy, intense, sarcastic. (What were you expecting?)

4. What is the latest you've ever stayed up? Oh, come on! Who hasn't stayed up all night? I've stayed up for about 48 hours - that's the most.

5. If you could murder someone and get away with it, who and for what reason? I believe in the Judeo-Christian ethics of "Thou shalt not kill" but I would defend myself without hesitation.

6. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? Duh! Many dogs.

Do you like...?

7. ...incense? Kinda - depends on why you are using it. *snicker*.

8. ...hot wax? Never thought about it.

9. ...candles? Yup.

10. ...the taste of blood? No-I'm not a friggin' vampire. I like the smell of gas, though.

Describe your...

11. ...wallet: Big black leather girl-wallet. Lots of plastic in it. *sigh* Gotta cut those up.

12. ...hairbrush: Huge.

13. ...toothbrush: Yellow and white - from the dentist.

14. ...jewelry worn daily: Wedding ring, 30th birthday diamond ring. Sometimes other stuff.

15. ...pillowcase: Cream with a green plant-like pattern

16. ...duvet cover: I have a comforter that matches my pillowcase.

17. ...coffee cup: Whatever Starbucks gives me when I order...

18. ...sunglasses: Ralph Lauren. You saw in pic in one of my earlier posts.

19. ...underwear: I like big, comfy undees or I go commando.

20. ...shoes: The expensive kind. I like black leather. I don't wear shoes at home.

21. ...handbag: The biggest, cheapest black one I could find at Target. I'm not a purse-whore.

22. ...favourite top: My Texas Chainsaw Massacre T-shirt.

23. ...favourite trousers: Levi's.

24. ...perfume: Beautiful - Estee Lauder.

25. ...CD in stereo right now: Hoobastank - Reason.

26. ...tattoos: A heart with rose piercing through it - with Jim's name at the bottom. It's on my right ankle.

30. ...piercings: Just one in each ear. I'm not into pain of any kind.

27. ..what you're wearing: Lime green cotton shirt, black pants, black leather shoes.

28. ...hair: Dirty blonde with platinum highlights. Naturally curly, but I straighten it too.

What/Who is/are...

29. ...in your mouth: Saliva.

30. ...in your head: Not much.

31. ...you wishing for? That they let me off work early tonight at the restaurant.

32. ...after this? I gotta go to work when I get off work. Yeah, it sucks.

33. ...you talking to? Just singing to the radio.

34. ...you eating? Just drinking water.

35. ...next to you? Computer, water bottle, hand lotion, and a bunch of work I should be doing.

36. ...the person you wish you could be with right now? My hubby of course.

37. ...your worst enemy? Bread? No, wait, mochas.

38. ...do you adore? Family (hubby, parents, stepson, dogs)

Care to play?

Thunder, Lightning and the Barbecue

Last night we decided we wanted to barbecue some chicken while my parents were visiting. Just as Jim lit the coals, BOOM! Big thunder and pretty lightning bolts. Louie started whining and pacing, and Maggie barked and ran around the back yard trying to "get" the thunder. (She's fearless, Louie is a pussy.) The weird thing is, we get maybe one or two storms like this a year, and we have had, like, twelve in the last month. Washington has also had about 6 tornados in the past few weeks, and we usually only experience maybe ONE per year. The weather has just gone all frigging wacky here. It's bizarre I tell you! Just bizarre! Anyway, we continued barbecuing (yeah, we like to play with metal things while is it storming) and then it decided to deluge on us. Crap. Finished the chicken in the oven. While sitting down at dinner, everyone commented on the fact that I was sweating profusely. I don't deal with humidity well. All in all, it was an exciting dinner. Oh, and I have a fabulous new read! It went great with the weather.

Fat Doggies!

So, Friday was a big day for Lou & Mags. They were groomed in the morning, and then got their annual exams and shots in the afternoon. They are healthy and pretty EXCEPT that they are both 4 pounds overweight! Yikes! The vet was concerned and told me to put them on a diet right away. I am worried, but I have to be honest, inflicting a diet on someone else is curiously satisfying.

OK, so I can't read, OR keep plants alive.

After reading the "hoax" article again, and then watching the news tonight, it turns out that the hoax part was just a guy that said he discovered the meteor on the ground or something, not the meteor itself. The news talked about it, but didn't have any good pics of it. Oh well, I was ready for a good cover-up conspiracy. ;-)

The REAL conspiracy here is the fact that plants won't stay alive for me. I just can't do it. Silk. It has to be silk plants from now on.

Now its a hoax?

There are reports now that this "meteor" was a hoax. WTF? First of all, then what the hell was the booming and flashing and fireball-with-tail-seeing that everyone is talking about? Did they imagine it? Were they lying? Are all the radio call-ins and pictures part of the hoax? Second of all, why in the hell would anyone do a "meteor hoax"? Seems kinda stupid to me. What is going on here?

Meteor!

Boom, Boom, Flash! A meteor plummets over Puget Sound this morning at 2:40 am - exciting! I didn't get to see it (or hear it) myself, but I live out in the boonies. Lots of people are reporting sonic booms and light flashes that lit up the sky like daytime. A trucker also reporting seeing a "tail" on the thing that was green and yellow. I like to monitor the sky (see my post from last week) so this will be a fun day of internetting. I know, I'm a freak. :)

What's your song?

That is, what is you and your hunny's song? Ours is "Fields of Gold" by Sting. Just heard it on the radio and was wondering what other's songs are.

Ahhhh...

...all refreshed after 5 days off. I'm ready for the stress to begin again. I did much sleeping (and unfortunately eating) over the holiday weekend. Time to get back to the gym today and back to chicken and veggies. Exciting. It rained and stormed all 5 days, so I didn't feel bad about being such a sloth. My new goal is to exercise twice a day, 5 days a week. Intense, of course. Weightlifting or cardio at lunch break, and yoga when I get home at night. 6 days a week is just unrealistic for me with my work schedule. Now that I have cut out being a scrapbook consultant, and only working at the restaurant twice a week, I think I might be able to manage this without keeling over. I've been just a wee bit lax over the last few months and my muscles feel all mushy and stuff. No good! Sooo, root for me! Email me everyday and say "Did you do your workout today CrazyDogMama?" It would be so much easier if I had someone poking me with a stick everyday saying "GO! GO!" Literally. I'm such a slacker.

Somebody wake me when it's over.

Holy crap I'm tired today. I almost fell asleep driving to work this morning. It was so bad that I actually had to slap myself! No kidding! The guy sitting at the stoplight next to me was probably laughing his ass off. I had the window down, the heat off and the radio blaring. It didn't help. I feel like someone has drugged me or something. I don't recall ever feeling this tired. It may be because this is my third double-shift in a row and I'm getting old, but I think my iron levels might be low too. I'm contemplating taking tomorrow off so that I can have a 5-day weekend (I don't usually work on Fridays unless its overtime), but I am so behind that I don't know if it will get approved. Writing in my blog is helping, I know. Anyway, that's the excitement for this week so far. It took two weeks for the makeup I ordered to come, so I have been eyelinerless and liplinerless for 3 days. I have come to the realization that those things are as necessary as air in my life. Being blonde from birth (mostly) I have pretty light features. When not accented, I look invisible. Almost albino. It's very scary.

Asteroids, Comets and General Conspiracy Theories

OK, I have to admit something to you all. I love searching for info about disaster predictions, dreams, visions and prophecies. Over the years, I have found a few very amusing sources. I take everything with a grain of salt of course, but I love this stuff as much as Skwigg loves ninja fighting. I've yet to have any visions of my own. Bummer. If I ever do though, you can bet your booty you'll see it right here on this blog! ;-)

My latest obsession is with the 3 comet/asteroid hit that is supposedly imminent. Sources seem to have the June - September 2004 window going on.

My favorite predictor is quite a fellow. It is most likely a big hoax, but it is amusing to read, nonetheless.

Is anyone still questioning the "Crazy" in CrazyDogMama"? Hehe.

P.S. If this blog disappears suddenly, run!

Why I don't want (and shouldn't have) kids.

Note: I don't hate all kids, I just don't want any. I love my stepson, we get along great. He is going to teach me more about web page design. I get asked all the time if I am planning to have kids. When I reply no, I get a ration of crap on how it would be different if it was my own, I need to contribute to society, it would make me less self-centered, etc. Contribute to society? Bah! and who wants to be less self-centered? That's no fun at all.

When I get home from my 10–16-hour workdays, all I want to do is have a drink and fall asleep. I don't make dinner, I don't do laundry, I really don't do anything. I like it that way. (I do give Lou & mags all the belly scratching they want.)

If the kid was bad, or if I wanted to go see a movie, I would want to put it in a crate. Society tends to frown on this. Plus, I would need a bigger crate.

I swear a lot.

I don't think babies are cute. I am afraid of them. My first instinct is to pet them. I run and hide (literally) when friends of mine have babies and want me to "see" them.

I spend a lot of time naked when I am at home.

I would have more pictures of the dogs than the kid in my wallet. My stepson has just recently come to terms with my dog obsession. It took 12 years.

It's all about me.

I didn't like kids when I WAS a kid. What makes you think I'd like them now?

I am politically incorrect. Could you see me at a PTA meeting?

Kids slow me down at Disneyland.

I don't really like cartoons or kiddie movies.

When I want to take a nap, I TAKE A NAP.

When asked by a kid if they can have chocolate milk, or candy instead of dinner, or Mountain Dew instead of water or milk, I say "sure". I lead by example, and I don't like confrontation.

Giving birth has been compared to kidney stones. I've had kidney stones. That's enough.

EVERY SINGLE MOM I KNOW is absolutely thrilled when they get a day "without the kids". They are downright giddy about it. That really makes me go hmmmmmm.

There is something wrong with me.

I just bought a rubber stamp that says, "I kiss my dog on the lips".

Oops.

My husband is going to kill me. I was so in a hurry this morning (and half asleep) that I took Jim's keys instead of mine. Usually, it wouldn't be that big of deal since we have duplicate keys on our keyrings, BUT my set of keys were in my purse. Yep, that's right - I have both sets today. We have never made any extra keys to leave in the house, being the total irresponsible idiots that we are. We live about a 1/2 mile from Jim's work, but I'm not sure how thrilled he is going to be about walking. Crap. I am an hour away. I just left a message because he sleeps until 11 am. I'll have to give him a backrub or something.

Eyedrops Suck.

Did you ever watch that episode of Friends where Rachel freaks out and gets pinned down on the floor because she can't give herself (or let anyone else give her) eyedrops? That's me, totally. It freaks me out to let anything touch my eyes. I could never wear contacts. It was interesting last night when I was trying to give myself eyedrops for my pink eye. I close my eye JUST as the drop falls. The drop runs down my face like a tear. Damn. I try again. Same thing. I try holding my eye open. I freak out and drop the eye dropper-thingee in the sink, let out a shriek, then start cussing myself out. The dogs bark at me when I shriek. I gotta figure out how to tell the doctor I need another prescription because it takes almost the whole bottle to give myself one dose. I am supposed to do this 4 times a day for a week. Yeah, right. Just take my eye out now and save the hassle.

Pink Eye!

That's right, folks! CrazyDogMama has Pink Eye! Yucky! I'm quarantined at the moment while my eye produces goo. At first I thought it was allergies, but then two of my co-workers were sent home with it, so I decided to go to the doctor. Yup, got it. Can't go to the restaurant tonight (bummer! Hehe.) It kinda feels like I have an eyelash stuck in my eye, or like when I have eye-crusties from hell. I am supposed to go to a "Passion Party" tomorrow night, but I'm not sure if anyone will want me touching the sex toys. Ha!

TV Blues

There is nothing on TV that I want to watch. Sigh. Since Friends has ended, I think I've turned the TV on once. I loathe, LOATHE reality shows. Now, before you start spitting on your computer screen at me, I don't loathe the people that WATCH them, just the shows themselves. They really irritate me for some reason. American Idol, Survivor, all of them. It is just way too frustrating for me to watch. I seem to have the opposite opinion of the general public, so the whole voting thing just sends me into a fit. I know that Friends is "mainstream", but it really just cracks me up. I own all the seasons that have been released so far. Pathetic, huh? I guess I'm just stuck with Netflix for now since I'm a movie-junkie. Whatever you do, DON'T rent Elvira's Haunted Hills, it's really lame. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, however, rocks. :) Maybe I should be Elvira this year for Halloween?

Mocha Madness & Riding in Cars with Dogs

So, on Mother's Day I decided to take the dogoids with me to my mom's house. (Jim went to his mom's house by himself; we didn't have enough time to do both sets of parents together.) As you know, riding in the car is not the calmest experience with Louie and Maggie. DumbAssDogMama decided that because her head was pounding from a headache, some caffeine was in order, so I stopped at one of those drive-thru espresso stands. Once I put on the emergency break, (this is the queue for the dogs to launch) Louie dives for the window on my side, right across my lap. Pushing the fur away from my face trying to get Louie off of me, I manage to spurt out "Could I get an iced mocha with whip, please?" The girl in the coffee box was holding back laughter, I could tell. Maggie then starts her ear-piercing "Oh my GOD a NEW person" squeal. As I am trying to dig money out of my purse, I am yelling at the dogs to sit, get down, shut up, sit and stay, none of which is working. The barista girl hands me my mocha, and I put it in my cup-holder telling the dogs to "stay out of it". She also hands me 2 Milkbones. (What a sweetheart.) Thinking the dogs are now occupied with the treats, I hand her my money. I TURN AWAY FOR ONE SECOND and BOOM! There is Louie face-down in my mocha. I scream "NO! NO! NOOOOOO!" That's MAMA'S MOCHA!" Louie raises his fuzzy little head and reveals his whip-creamed nose. He has on his little doggie smile, and it looks like he is ready to shave. The barista girl is now busting up. I just give up.