Oh, the JOY!

I get to buy the "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003" on DVD today! The bummer is I have to work a double shift, so if I actually want to WATCH it, I have to give up sleep. I might just do that. Every now and then its OK. There's nothing like watching a chainsaw-wielding madman while curled up on the couch with your fuzbutts!

I am the kind of person that...

...eats all of their candy before the actual movie starts.

...can keep a secret.

...thinks everyone in Hollywood needs to be bitch-slapped.

...could never stand "Madonna".

...prefers to sleep without sheets on the bed.

...turns on the air conditioner in the bedroom even when it is snowing outside.

...starts to eat their "to go" order in the car before getting home to use a plate and utensils.

...thinks organized sports are a waste of time.

...would rather pet a dog than hold a baby.

...drinks milk with pizza.

...won't argue unless I know I am right (I won't argue about opinion-based statements).

...likes cooked vegetables but not raw ones.

...won't eat a dessert that has fruit or nuts in it.

...believes in true love.

...would go into a burning house to get a dog and a scrapbook.

...can get up at 4am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to scrapbook at camp after 3 hours of sleep but has to have 3 shots of espresso and 2 "No-Doz" to function at work after 8 hours of sleep.

...gets REALLY irritated when people spell "lose" with two "O's" (loose).

...would rather eat gourmet food than "down-home cooking".

...hates to talk on the phone.

...walks around the house naked.

...can't wear turtle necks because they are claustrophobic.

...sees the glass as "filled halfway" rather than "half empty" or "half full".

What is it with McDonalds?

It's not that I was there AGAIN, but it's that I had another encounter with a fuckwad! My husband put a bumper sticker on my car that identifies our political stance. At approximately 6 am this morning I was driving to work to do some overtime. I was hungry and thirsty. I was barely awake. The 6 shots of espresso I had already consumed just wasn't enough. I decided to stop by Micky-D's. I was not blocking any lane this time. As I prepared to give my order into the magic box, I hear, "What a fucking loser!" screamed at the top of Mr. Big-Truck's lungs behind me. (What IS it with big trucks?) I really didn't know he was speaking to me at first. I was just thinking "Dude, you're harshing my buzz yelling like that." I drove forward. Again, I hear, "You stupid fuck, what a waste of a vote!" Now I'm thinking, "What the hell is wrong with everyone?" Is it really necessary to be this much of dick this early in the morning? Do you really think what you're saying to me is going to make me think anything except that you are a loudmouth retard? I didn't hang out my window and give him a piece of my mind this time. I let it go. I was giggling a little, though, at the sheer stupidity of it all. He kept riding my bumper really close, and shaking his head as if he was impatient. I kept thinking "OH PLEEEEEZ hit me, that would be so freaking hilarious."

So far, that is my excitement for the day. I thought I would share.

What is wrong with me?

Remember that weight loss/muscle gain "competition" that I was doing with an unnamable person? Well, I'm losing. I'M LOSING. CRAP! I just can't seem to stick with anything except eating chocolate. Doing that on a regular basis is no problem. I am starting to think that competition doesn't motivate me. It actually scares the hell out of me. I start out with the kick-butt attitude, then I end up wanting to sit in the corner and cry until I can't see out of my eyes and snot is dripping down onto my shirt. I guess, though, if I could figure out how to make this all easy. I would be a billionaire and then some. I may have to take a break from my trainer because I am feeling the need to pay more towards some of my bills. I love training, but it is very expensive, and I have written down a whole notebook of workouts that I could use on my hiatus. I also don't know how much longer I can be a scrapbook consultant. I am not selling as much as I need to be. OK, I know it sounds like I am this pathetic giver-upper, but actually the doctor says I need to CHILL, and cut some things out in order to have more relax time. *Sigh* I'm not good at relaxing. Jim thinks I am a freak when I start cleaning the house at 10 pm and won't stop.

Louie and Mags are good little listeners. While sitting on the toilet this morning, I explained my life's dilemmas to them. They cocked their heads and moved their ears back and forth. When about halfway through, Louie started licking my leg as if to say, "I'm sorry mama, but PLEASE SHUT UP NOW AND LET US OUT!"

I'm Baaack

OK, so I took a few days off from blogging, but I'm back now. Things have been utterly chaotic to say the least. I went to scrapbook camp last weekend, and when I came back, I had, like, a bazillion emails to answer. That took about 2 days. Then yesterday I had to work a crazy/busy double shift from 6 am to 11 pm. I have to work another double shift today, too. I AM Dawn of the Dead. (I haven't seen that movie yet, by the way, but it's on my list when I have a spare 2 hours, ha!) Last night at the restaurant, I chatted with a couple of my customers. Somehow or another the name of my blog came up. They seemed very interested in reading it. (If you are reading, hello!) It is a crazy, crazy world, isn't it?

The COOLEST thing happened to me today. You remember that my husband works nights, well, he got up with me this morning, gave me a backrub, THEN fixed me breakfast! Do I have the BEST HUSBAND EVER or what? OMIGOD, I feel so lucky! So, even in the midst of chaos, I am truly blessed. OK, I'm getting entirely too warm and fuzzy here. For all you jealous people out there who are rolling your eyes right now, I will leave you with this: I work 70 motherfucking hours a week, then clean and scrub the house on the weekends. Bite me.

Guerilla Art and Lateness

There is a great article by Keri Smith. It is about Guerilla Art, and it is from March 2008. What a most excellent idea! It is about leaving anonymous art in public places. I love crazy little ideas like that. I would do it, then hang around to get digital pics of people's expressions. That is the "sneaky moto" in me. "Sneaky moto" is a term I learned from an instructor at the police academy. He used to say it all the time, and it cracked me up.

I was an hour late to work today. When I woke up, my alarm was going off, but I looked at the clock and it was an hour later than it was *supposed* to be. The alarm was set right, so I must have slept through the first hour of it going off. Yikes. I must have been tired. I flew out of bed and started running down the hallway to call my boss. He wasn't there yet, but I left this half-asleep, freaky little message. I'm sure he thought I must have been drinking the night before based on my message. I then came to my senses, slowed down and took my time. Who really cares? I waltzed right in, and no one said anything. I hope it doesn't affect the raise I'm supposed to get.

NERD ALERT, or FREAK ALERT? You decide!

When I was a young girl, I got my first start on computers playing Text Adventures by Scott Adams. Did any of you do this? OH. MY. GOD. These were the SHIT. I had a Texas Instruments Computer, and to save a game I had to use an actual audio tape! I even remember the code was "CS1"! Ha! I spent many an hour playing these text adventures. I think the Pirate Adventure and Ghost Town were my favorites. My mom also played these games, and her and I spent a HUGE portion of our life completely consumed by them. My artistic mother even drew very detailed MAPS and stuff! She still has them! I can remember getting stuck in Ghost Town, so I *mailed* a letter to Scott Adams asking for help. It took about 2 months to get a reply, but he sent me the hint I needed! Can you imagine having to wait 2 months for ONE hint? Too funny. We used to pay something like 40$ for each game. They are still fun, even though the games they have out now are insanely better. I don't play computer games anymore, although you may find me goofing around with the PlayStation every now and then, while eating Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries. CAUTION: You may become addicted.

YOHO! (That's a hint!) ;-)

It's a Wonderful Life

You think that until the weekend is over.

 
You know it's going to be an interesting week when you wake up and think to yourself, "How in the hell am I going to get through this week?" I need to shake things up a bit in my mundane, routine-oriented workweeks. We celebrated my stepson's Birthday this weekend when he came over, and also my father-in-law's birthday. I had to work that night at the restaurant, so we ate steak and birthday cake at 2:30 in the afternoon. I cleaned the house furiously before they all came over, and it is now a mess again. ALREADY. I also have mushrooms growing in my carpet. Yes, I said MUSHROOMS. We have a leak in one of our radiant heaters (we think) and black mold is growing just above the baseboard in my office, along with some mushrooms sprouting up where the carpet and the baseboard meet. It is really lovely. I am completely freaked out because people keep telling me how serious this is. Jim is going to have to rip a hole in the wall and scrub with bleach. That will be nice. Then, if we are lucky, we will find the leak and fix it. We have no money right now, so we have to figure this out ourselves. I am also reacting badly to the mold. (I am allergic to EVERYTHING.) I woke up last week with my eyes swollen shut, I am constantly sneezing and biting my tongue while I sneeze (OUCH!) and I itch everywhere. I am worried that one of the dogs is going to die from mushroom poisoning. If it is not one thing, it is another.

Attitude Adjustment

Louie and I had a talk. We discussed him being a butthole. I told him that I didn't want him to be a butthole anymore. He said OK.

Sometimes you don't want to know what is going on.

I have been spending an OBSCENE amount of time online reading about what is going on in the world. You might say I'm "catching up on world events". I have been seriously isolated from the news lately, or maybe I've just been putting my head in the sand. Well, not anymore. I think everyone needs to know what is going on. I don't like the typical "media bias", so I look to all different kinds of sources for my info. I think if you are going to vote, you should have ALL the facts. From some of the idiots I've talked to recently, I'm starting to think you should have to take some sort of test before voting. Anyway, I must say, HOLY CRAP. The more I read, the more I just shake my head.

Ta-Ta for now.

Crazydogmama's Review of YogaFit!

OK, so after many months of corresponding with Yogagirl (see link to right), she finally convinced me to try YogaFit. I have always been "anti-yoga" and actually used to make fun of people who did yoga. It wasn't that I didn't think it was difficult, or a good workout, it was mainly the "nirvana-like" talking/chanting thing that turned me off. If you liked yoga, I didn't think less of you or anything, but I may have thought you were weird. ;-) I'm one to talk, huh? Hehe.

Nichole (Yogagirl) is a YogaFit instructor who is very fit and toned, who has successfully completed a BFL challenge (I'm jealous) and is quite a cool lady! With these things in mind, it opened MY mind to YogaFit.

YogaFit Basics DVD - taught by Beth Shaw

-Beth Shaw is a soft-spoken YogaFit instructor who truly makes it all look easy. It ain't. Trust me on this. I can do 20-30 squat reps with 30lb+ dumbbells, but I can't hold a "Sun Goddess" pose for more than a minute without wanting to DIE.

-You can't smoke a cigarette while doing yoga. (Yes, my dumbass tried.)

-I thought I was flexible until I tried YogaFit.

-Don't start at an advanced level. Start with the basics, you'll thank yourself later.

-I really like the music they played. It was catchy, yet soothing. It actually motivated me to keep going.

-Do YogaFit ALONE the first time you do it. You do not want someone (especially a guy) to walk in on you while doing the "dead bug" pose. You also don't want someone to see you fall over, giggle, or cuss. You are not as coordinated as you think you are.

-YogaFit is a good workout, even if you do "Body for Life" type workouts. I was sore the next day.

-It is fun! I liked it! I get bored easily with the same old workouts.

-It is challenging, but I have a desire to improve!

-Beth does not focus too much on the "religious" aspects of Yoga. She does say "find your center" a lot, during which MY brain says, "You can't MISS my center."

-Don't eat right before doing YogaFit.

-Beth has very big feet.

Overall impression: I'm hooked!

Changing my Routine

Well, Jim is working swing shift now, so I am all by my lonesome at night except the nights I work at the restaurant. I don't mind, really, because much of the time I am in a world all by myself anyhow. I just won't feel so guilty now for staying on the internet all night and ignoring my husband. Although I love my husband, and love spending time with him, it will be a treat to have the place to myself. I can watch whatever I want on TV, eat whatever I want (this could be dangerous) for dinner, and hog the recliner. OR, I could take the time and do extra workouts, get cleaning done and work on my writing. NAH.

Fitness Update

There is a reason why I have not talked about my fitness progress lately. There hasn't been any! I have kept off the 10 pounds I initially lost when I started my BFL challenge in January, but sadly, I have not gone any further. I have been slacking bigtime lately. McDonalds here, a mocha there, and my trip to the gym at lunch has more often resulted in sleeping in my car instead over the last week. Can you say burn-out? Don't get me wrong, I won't lay on the ground after falling off the wagon very long, but I've been feeling a bit tired lately. My doctor says, "Something has got to go." I am burning the candle at too many ends. The problem is, if I'm not busy, I feel anxious. Instead of feeling invigorated after I work out, I feel like taking a nap. Not good. So, I am going to take it easy this weekend. No stamping, no scrapping, no nothing. Last Friday when my trainer wanted me to do some push-ups, I couldn't. I had this intense pain in my left shoulder! The doctor says it is tendonitis, but I don't know. I'm freaked! I want to get an MRI, but I have to get a "recommendation" from my doctor, or my insurance won't pay for it. You know what I think would cure ALL of my problems? An expense-free trip to the Bahamas! Yeah! Hey, I can dream, can't I?

Oh, I almost forgot. I have been eating EGGS BENEDICT at least once a day. I'm craving it! What's that about? I'm not pregnant or anything, but I can't get enough of it! I'm trying to figure out if I can somehow make it with eggbeaters, lean Canadian bacon, and some kind of healthy hollandaise sauce? I use whole wheat English muffins already. If anyone has a recipe.

The Passion of the Christ

I may lose a bunch of my readers today, but really, I don't care. I am unbelievably sick of society. Complain, bitch, moan. There is a constant need for the public to have some sort of 'controversy' about something. It's like they have nothing better to do but scream about something that someone else is doing. Get a life.

I loved this movie. Yes, it is true, I have a very strong faith in Jesus Christ, but even if I didn't, I would like this movie. Any director that can create a certain mood or invoke certain feelings in the audience gets my vote. No one got up to go to the bathroom, and you could hear a pin drop when it was over. I was moved to the point of tears, I was horrified, and NO, it never crossed my mind to hate Jewish people. I think it is absurd to call this movie "antisemitic". This movie simply tells a story that has already been told. And the violence? Well, duh! If you are squeamish, why in the hell would you go to a movie that doesn't hide the fact that it is about a CRUCIFIXION? If you can't handle blood, would you go see the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? NO. If a movie has a black person as the bad guy, does that make the movie anti-African American? NO. I applaud Mel Gibson for making this movie. We need more people in the world with some balls!

There are many so-called "Christian" people, programs and books out there that make me sick. They totally miss the point. I do not think I'm better than anyone else. Personally, I think we are all screwed. I am not exactly a great witness for Christ. I mean, read my blog for crying out loud. I am as messed up as anyone. Anyway, my point here is, go see the movie if you aren't weak in the stomach. Its good! It really is.

It's a Conspiracy

I don't know what is happening this week, but everyone is out to irritate me, and it just can't ALL be me. I worked at the restaurant last night (just mere hours after the "McDonald's incident", mind you.) Every single customer I had informed me that they were on the Atkins diet, and then of course gave me their special orders from hell. (Newsflash: Waitresses really hate special orders, folks. Just order what is on the damn menu.) "Yes, I am on the Atkin's Diet (like I care) and I would like the Halibut special, but with no veggies and no potatoes, but could I substitute with extra sauce? Does the sauce have any carbohydrates? Do you have something you can give me besides this basket of bread? Could I have water without lemon?" I really just wanted to tell them "How about I just bring you some plain fish, a stick of butter, some bacon grease and our new low-carb beer?" That will be really good for you, you'll be guaranteed to lose lots of weight and then die of a heart attack from clogged arteries." But instead, I just have to smile and say, "Why yes, we would be happy to accommodate your requests." It physically hurts me to say nothing. The Atkin's diet came out, what, like in the 70's? Hardly anyone noticed it then, but Mr. Atkins DIES, and all of sudden everyone is like "Hey! Let's do the Deadman's Diet". Weird. Fricking weird.

Crazydogmama VS. Fuckwad at McDonalds

Sorry for all the cussing lately, but I just can't help it.

A little background first. I am a good driver. I know everyone says that, but really, I am. I got 100% on my driving test at the police academy (which isn't easy), and my car insurance is really low because of my AWESOME record. I am a dumb blonde when it comes to some things, but driving is not one of them. I am also slow to anger. Usually.

So, I decide to go to McDonald's today for lunch. (I know, I know, shut up) It is a McDonald's that I have never been to before, and they have this weird 2-lane drive-thru thing going on. I decide to give it a try, and when I go around the corner to get into one of the lanes, I turn too sharp, and the front of my car is partially blocking the second lane. I try to back up, but someone (of course) is right on my ass, and I can't. I'm stuck for the moment. I just wait, figuring I won't be blocking more than a second or two because the cars are moving fairly quickly through the line. So here comes Mr. big-brand-new black truck. (An extension of his penis, no doub.t.) He honks his horn at me. I throw my hands up. (You know, the gesture that indicates there is nothing I can do and I'm sorry?) He doesn't get it. He sticks his big fat ugly head out the window and yells, "You're blocking my lane!" I, annoyed already, sarcastically yell back, "Yeah, I did it to piss you off. Is it working?" He gets all pissy, shakes his head and yells again, "There is a REASON why they have two lanes idiot! Learn how to drive!" Insanely agitated CrazyDogMama sticks half of her body out the window and yells "Bite me, motherfucker!" The lane moves ahead. I order a whole lot more food than I had originally anticipated.

Dog Fight!

Poor Louie is having a bad week. I was working, so I didn't see what ACTUALLY happened, but here is the recap I got from my husband:

Ring...Ring...Ring...
Jim: "Hell, Helloo?"
Me: "What's wrong?"
Jim: "Holy Shit, you are NOT going to believe what just happened here!"
Me: "What? What happened?"
Jim: "Maggie just kicked the shit out of Louie!"
Me: "What?" (I have said "what" in every sentence so far.)
Jim: "I went to the bathroom, and Maggie followed me happily wagging her tail. Louie apparently went into Maggie's crate after she followed me and grabbed one of her toys. He came trotting along into the bathroom too. Maggie took one look at Louie with her toy in his mouth and FREAKED OUT ON HIM! She jumped on him, tore a bunch of his hair out, and snapped a bunch at him. There was much yelping and growling! They looked like the two dogs fighting at the beginning of "The Exorcist"!"
Me: "Oh my God! Is there blood? Are they OK?"
Jim: " I checked them out, they seem OK. I put them in their crates. I vacuumed up all the dog hair."
Me: "What are we gonna do with those two?"
Jim: " I don't know, I was scared. I am scared to piss off any of the women in this house."

Haven't felt like blogging.

Just kinda moody lately. I got the whole weekend off from the restaurant, so you would think that I would be perky from a nice relaxing weekend. Nope. My neurotic little self feels guilty for not making money, especially during such a stressful financial time for us. I just don't know how to relax anymore. However, I could not bring myself to be productive at work yesterday. Today is better, but my tummy is growling, and my nose feels like it has logs in it. I'm trying to figure out how to find that light at the end of the tunnel, everything about the future looks so bleak sometimes. I feel like a rat in a wheel. I GO! GO! GO! but really get nothing accomplished. Am I cheering you up yet?

Louie and I are still going round-and-round. Maybe we need therapy, or maybe I just need a vacation.

Beside Myself

What does one do when their favorite fitness magazines cease publication? EAS has stopped Muscle Media and Energy magazines. I don't like all the regular fitness mags, all those skinny, undefined women, or the hulk-women who scare the bejeezus out me. My trainer, who has a fabulous new sudo-website, recommended Oxygen to me, so I will be subscribing to that, I guess.

Not only am I dealing with that, but I still have the "Louie Situation". I decided to ignore him, not even LOOK at him last night, to see what would happen. He is being such a little butthole. He didn't seem to care, except when I went to bed without saying goodnight, he looked a little pathetic. Ears down, tail down. It just crushed me. Dogs are complicated. You have to know how to deal with them, and it is NOT, I repeat, NOT like dealing with humans. There is the whole dominance thing. I am going to call the behaviorist I worked with previously to see if there is something I can do to get him to listen better. He is a good dog, mind you, just extremely stubborn and MOODY. You have to be careful how you deal with them, or they'll walk all over you!

Bummed in Sultan.

Louie is mad at me.

That damn dog has been ignoring me for 4 FRIGGING DAYS. It must be the grooming thing. If not, he has decided to teach me some sort of lesson. Humans are slow learners, too, ya know? He will briefly (and I mean briefly) greet me when I come home, then he will go straight to daddy. I always go to bed before Jim, and both dogs usually lay in the bed with me for a few hours. Louie won't lay in the bed with me. He just walks down the hallway.

 
The only exception is if I have food. Then, I am the Queen. In the morning, he always sits and looks up at me while I'm getting ready. He has been laying in the front room the last few days and won't even peek his head in to make sure I have my mascara on right. I called his nickname out last night (Assbag) in a baby talk voice, but nothing. He just walked right past me to go outside and pee. Little fucker.