Red Bull Tastes Like Feet

Bleck! That stuff is NASTY! I am so sleepy today that I fell asleep in my car at lunch. We have Red Bull in our vending machines for 25 cents, so I thought what the hell. I want my 25 cents back. I am going to hurl.

The Mystery of the Kleenex Box

OK. I keep a Kleenex box on my nightstand on my left side. It is always there; I never move it. Maggie cannot reach it. A few nights ago, as I was finally starting to drift off to sleep, I hear an awkward and slight "thud/crunch". I thought it was probably my cell phone falling off the bed (yes, I sleep with it, shut up), as it often does, but I felt around my pillow for it, and there it was, untouched. Curious, I got up and switched on my lamp. The Kleenex box was on the RIGHT side of the bed on the floor. It was not there when I got into bed. I no longer thrash about after getting into bed due to my new awesome memory form mattress, there is nothing to set it onto on the right side, and there is no way for it to get over to the right side without SOMEONE MOVING IT. I did not move it, Maggie was under the covers, and the fact that I heard it landing on the floor means it got there BY ITSELF. I even asked my mother if she had been messing with it and she swore she hadn't touched it. I'm a little creeped out and thinking maybe I should lighten up on the horror movie watching before bed.

Christmastime and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

This is the first time I have decorated for Christmas since 2006. It was done for me in 2007 when my dad passed, I just went through the motions in 2008 and then my life fell apart further as you long time readers know, and I just sort of "skipped over" Christmas as best I could. Not this year! I spent all of Saturday decorating, drinking spiked eggnog and listening to Christmas music with my two moms and all the puppies. Magadog, Molly and Cath's dog Saydee. Good times. My mom carried on our tradition of getting a new ornament each year, and she got this really pretty Mickey ornament from Disneyland for us. You would all be proud of me, I LET OTHER PEOPLE HANG ORNAMENTS ON THE TREE. This was a big step for me, I guess all the therapy has paid off.

Late last night as the wind was kicking up and it was cold out, I curled up with Magadog and my new book "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". Everyone I know has raved about it, so with the movie coming out on the 21st, I thought I would get it read.

Eggnog Lattes and Chocolate Whoopie Pies

These will be the end of me. Any and all healthy living progress has been squashed into oblivion for the moment, and I blame Starbucks. Maybe I should just open up my own coffee shop and call it CrazyDogMama's? This would solve so many problems, except of course my weight problem. But still.

Turkey Day Success!

I was the sole chef for this year's Thanksgiving, and for a record number of people, SEVEN. Bill (my stepson), Robby (Bill's best friend), Erica (Bill's girlfriend), Mom #1, Mom # 2, Mom # 2's son's girlfriend Lisa and myself. The most I had ever cooked for previously was six, and that was with help. I did it! We had crab/artichoke dip with baguette, and salami, cheese, and crackers for appetizers (and champagne). I got Java Chip Haagen Dazs ice cream for those who don't like pie (me). I had to cook the turkey the day before, because we did turkey AND ham because Erica hates turkey, and there was no way to cook that much stuff in one small oven in one day. I also prepped most of the side dishes on Wednesday so I wouldn't have a full-on panic attack on Thursday. I also cleaned and did last minute shopping and hurt my back. AGAIN. (Thank God for muscle relaxers and wine.)

Kids drove down Wednesday night and we all chatted while I chopped. Thursday was a fun-filled day of food, drink and laughter. Our new tradition for "Black Friday" is Disneyland, starting last year and continuing this year, however I completely pooped out at 4 pm and went home and took a nap, then went back at 9 to pick up the kids. I'm old! But instead of going home, they made me go see Paranormal Activity 3 again because it was essential that we see it together. OK. Fine.

Saturday the kids helped me put up the Christmas Tree and then I kicked them out so I could sleep for the next 30 hours. Which I did.

Yes, I am FINALLY posting!

Best Birthday EVER! My very best friend on the planet (Jenny) from Seattle, flew down last Friday night. My two moms and I picked her up at Long Beach airport and since it was almost 10 pm, we decided we needed pie and coffee to keep us awake! After we got home, the appletini's put us to sleep.

Saturday, on my actual b-day, we spent a few hours down at Laguna beach goofing off, eating and buying a bunch of stuff we didn't need. Funny story. We had decided to get a coffee and share a chocolate croissant, then walked over to some benches that overlooked the ocean. A bunch of birds flew down around us and I (stupidly) picked a small piece of my croissant off and fed a pigeon. Then, suddenly, a HUGE seagull swooped down and grabbed MY ENTIRE HALF CROISSANT RIGHT OUT OF MY HAND. I was all WTF just happened? Jenny was rolling.

That night we went to BJ's Brewery for dinner (I had a Maui glazed pork chop) and went back the house for ice cream cake and lemon drop martini's. What? They totally go together!

Sunday it was Disneyland time. We went from acting 40 to acting 4. OMG, so much fun. Lasted almost 12 hours. We got soaked on Splash Mt. and the Grizzly River Run. Jenny got it the worst.

Monday, we slept in, I made eggs benedict (of course) which we ate outside on the patio and just hung out. I had to take her to the airport at noon, so the rest of the day sucked after that and now we are all pouty. The end. Absolutely nuts at work. I want Jenny back.

My New Favorite Word

I had an email conversation going with a co-worker in NJ today, and he used the word "assholular" in a sentence. I rolled.  I love new words.

Playing Catch Up

Holy cow. Busy. In the middle of selling the WA house (finally!), work is crazy, had a coworker friend from Seattle come stay with me last weekend, fun! Lots of wine! Next weekend I turn the big 4-0, and my very best friend in the whole wide world is coming to visit for 4 days! I can't wait. All this girl-time has been really good for me!

I also got a new bed. It is a Serta i-Comfort, which is similar to a Tempur-Pedic, but made with gel inside the memory form instead so you don't experience the hot/cold fluctuations. LOVE.IT. Worth all those pennies, and there were a LOT of pennies. I can finally sleep through the night.

I'm sure I will have tons of pics to share from all my adventures of late, but I haven't had time to download them. The kids are coming for Thanksgiving again, and I'm cooking this year! AAAAHHHH! And Christmas is coming, and holy crap there is never enough time for anything!

Never Argue with a Woman

One afternoon, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says:

"Good Afternoon, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book", she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area", he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault." says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you", says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment, and for all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

MORAL:

Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Acupuncture WORKS!

My back has noticeable improvement already, after only ONE session! It was a strange experience, but the girl said my body was reacting strongly. (I was dizzy briefly, my teeth chattered yet I wasn't cold, and I broke out in a cold sweat.) But afterwards, I had minimal back pain and my blood sugar had dropped about 30 points, which is good since I'm a borderline diabetic.

 
I bought 4 sessions, so I'm thinking good things will emerge! In between sessions, I was given Chinese herbs and ear "points", these little seed-like things (3 on each ear) that I massage 3 times daily for nerve stimulation to a certain part of the body. This is some weird shizzle, but I have to say I feel better!

Giada is my hero!

What do you do in your spare time?  I watch Giada on the Food Network. Everything I have EVER made from her cookbooks always turns out AWESOME. WAY yummy stuff! One of my favorites is her Veal Marsala, OMG. But there are so many things I still need to make & try. She made these biscuits on the episode I watched last weekend, and DAMN, just watching her make my mouth water and my tummy growl. Must. Make. Now. Biscuits go with everything, and I can't think about anything else. I'm trying to decide what kind of jam to put on them, and whether or not I should make eggs, too?

Pancetta Biscuits by Giada De Laurentiis

Biscuits:

• 1/4 pound pancetta, diced
• 1 (8-ounce) box store bought biscuit mix
• Buttermilk (in place of the liquid in the boxed biscuit mix recipe)
• 1/4 cup shredded Fontina

Cinnamon-sugar butter:

• 1/2 vanilla bean
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 1 stick butter, at room temperature

Directions:

To make the biscuits: In a sauté pan, heat the pancetta over medium-high heat and cook until crisp, about 5 minutes.

In a large bowl, make the biscuits according to the box instructions, using buttermilk instead of the suggested liquid. Gently stir in the pancetta and the cheese.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spoon the biscuit mixture onto the baking sheet and bake according to box instructions. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

To make the cinnamon-sugar butter: Cut open the vanilla bean lengthwise. Using the back of a knife, scrape along the inside of the vanilla bean to collect the seeds. Scrape vanilla bean seeds into a small bowl. Add sugar and cinnamon and stir to combine. Stir in the butter until well blended. Transfer to a serving bowl.

Serve the biscuits on a platter with the cinnamon-sugar butter alongside.

What do you get...

...when you cross a cranky CrazyDogMama with a jerk? A jerk with a limp.

It's almost getting funny.

I am such a mess; I have now hurt my back. I was playing on the floor with Maggie, and I tweaked something. Ever since, I can barely walk. I have to hold on to furniture and walls to get anywhere. I'm sitting here at work with a hot pack and my feet up looking retarded. I'm afraid I'm going to fall down and not be able to get up. I am so sick of doctors I could scream! What am I gonna do with myself?

Smoking, Church and Acupuncture

I have a pack and a half left of my Marlboro's, then I'm done. It's time. Blah. Not good for my anxiety, but I have to keep moving forward. And I'm gonna watch my language. I know, don't fall over.

I think I may have found a church that won't irritate me. I'm going to try it out. You see, I don't think most mainstream Christians would know God if he was sitting next them. I want REAL. Not warm and fuzzy, not tolerant of everything God hates, not picking and choosing what suits them out of the Bible. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. Do it, or don't. I have problems. So does everyone. But I know the Lord, and I have fallen by the wayside. I need to get up. I have no need to justify any of my behavior, I just need to change it. Period.

I am starting acupuncture for some of my ailments. I was never a big believer in Chinese medicine before, but I've researched it, and I'm starting to think there is something to it. My doctor recommended it. We'll see. Can't hurt to try. I'll let you know.

Almost in the Crossfire

I was going to lunch and had just parked. Suddenly, I saw the SWAT TEAM swarming around me! I was quickly escorted out of the shopping complex. When I got back to work, I went online and found out that some guy came and shot NINE PEOPLE at a salon!  It was just on the other side of the building I was parked at, although I didn't hear anything because I had the radio on, and the windows rolled up with the air conditioning on.  SCARY and very, very sad. I think all the people died. Pretty glad I didn't get in the middle of that. YIKES.

Habib is trying to kill me.

So my Gastrologist, Habib, who is the most adorable little man EVER who speaks with a stutter (you just want to hug him), made a most upsetting request yesterday. The results of my endoscopy revealed that I only have mild acid reflux disease, so the diagnosis for the severe symptoms I have are a combination of the acid reflux and a massive anxiety disorder. In order to lessen my troubles, Habib suggested I cut out Chocolate, Coffee, Alcohol and Smoking.

I stared at him and blinked.

Then I said, "So, let me get this straight, you are asking a WOMAN with a massive anxiety disorder, to cut out CHOCOLATE, COFFEE, ALCOHOL and SMOKING? Are you HIGH??"

He laughed very loud. I did not. Then he said, "OK, maybe just cut back."

I don't think he realizes that those are the things that keep me alive.

Time to Read

I've missed reading. Over the last few years, it has been difficult for me to read. I've read a few books here and there, but I can't seem to concentrate on anything for very long when I'm tired and home from work.  Today I spent time with my two moms, and we had a great conversation about all the different books we've read and all of a sudden, I'm all jazzed up.  So, I went up to my bookshelf and brought one down.  "Subterranean" by James Rollins is what I chose. I will let you know what I think! I'm going to go take my nightly swim and then curl up in front of the fireplace with Mags. Yup, my Saturday night. Sad, huh?

Life in 5 Short Chapters

Here I am again, struggling to make sense of things. Digging for the root of the problem. Trying to live in the now. I've had to make some tough decisions lately and it is hard to do that alone. No matter where you go, you have to take yourself with you. Do you ever get sick of yourself? Sometimes I feel like Tom Hanks' character did in "Cast Away". If I start talking to a ball, though, intervene, OK?

My therapist left me with this poem today. I fluctuate between Chapters 2 and 3.

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost, I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in, it's a habit, but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

-Portia Nelson

Mermaid or Whale?

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

By: Delphine Fieberg

You know you are feeling better when...

...you are dancing around the house in your underwear at 3 am singing along to "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA, sporting vampire fangs. Yup.