Never Argue with a Woman

One afternoon, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says:

"Good Afternoon, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book", she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area", he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault." says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you", says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment, and for all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

MORAL:

Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Acupuncture WORKS!

My back has noticeable improvement already, after only ONE session! It was a strange experience, but the girl said my body was reacting strongly. (I was dizzy briefly, my teeth chattered yet I wasn't cold, and I broke out in a cold sweat.) But afterwards, I had minimal back pain and my blood sugar had dropped about 30 points, which is good since I'm a borderline diabetic.

 
I bought 4 sessions, so I'm thinking good things will emerge! In between sessions, I was given Chinese herbs and ear "points", these little seed-like things (3 on each ear) that I massage 3 times daily for nerve stimulation to a certain part of the body. This is some weird shizzle, but I have to say I feel better!

Giada is my hero!

What do you do in your spare time?  I watch Giada on the Food Network. Everything I have EVER made from her cookbooks always turns out AWESOME. WAY yummy stuff! One of my favorites is her Veal Marsala, OMG. But there are so many things I still need to make & try. She made these biscuits on the episode I watched last weekend, and DAMN, just watching her make my mouth water and my tummy growl. Must. Make. Now. Biscuits go with everything, and I can't think about anything else. I'm trying to decide what kind of jam to put on them, and whether or not I should make eggs, too?

Pancetta Biscuits by Giada De Laurentiis

Biscuits:

• 1/4 pound pancetta, diced
• 1 (8-ounce) box store bought biscuit mix
• Buttermilk (in place of the liquid in the boxed biscuit mix recipe)
• 1/4 cup shredded Fontina

Cinnamon-sugar butter:

• 1/2 vanilla bean
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 1 stick butter, at room temperature

Directions:

To make the biscuits: In a sauté pan, heat the pancetta over medium-high heat and cook until crisp, about 5 minutes.

In a large bowl, make the biscuits according to the box instructions, using buttermilk instead of the suggested liquid. Gently stir in the pancetta and the cheese.

Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Spoon the biscuit mixture onto the baking sheet and bake according to box instructions. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.

To make the cinnamon-sugar butter: Cut open the vanilla bean lengthwise. Using the back of a knife, scrape along the inside of the vanilla bean to collect the seeds. Scrape vanilla bean seeds into a small bowl. Add sugar and cinnamon and stir to combine. Stir in the butter until well blended. Transfer to a serving bowl.

Serve the biscuits on a platter with the cinnamon-sugar butter alongside.

What do you get...

...when you cross a cranky CrazyDogMama with a jerk? A jerk with a limp.

It's almost getting funny.

I am such a mess; I have now hurt my back. I was playing on the floor with Maggie, and I tweaked something. Ever since, I can barely walk. I have to hold on to furniture and walls to get anywhere. I'm sitting here at work with a hot pack and my feet up looking retarded. I'm afraid I'm going to fall down and not be able to get up. I am so sick of doctors I could scream! What am I gonna do with myself?

Smoking, Church and Acupuncture

I have a pack and a half left of my Marlboro's, then I'm done. It's time. Blah. Not good for my anxiety, but I have to keep moving forward. And I'm gonna watch my language. I know, don't fall over.

I think I may have found a church that won't irritate me. I'm going to try it out. You see, I don't think most mainstream Christians would know God if he was sitting next them. I want REAL. Not warm and fuzzy, not tolerant of everything God hates, not picking and choosing what suits them out of the Bible. I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. Do it, or don't. I have problems. So does everyone. But I know the Lord, and I have fallen by the wayside. I need to get up. I have no need to justify any of my behavior, I just need to change it. Period.

I am starting acupuncture for some of my ailments. I was never a big believer in Chinese medicine before, but I've researched it, and I'm starting to think there is something to it. My doctor recommended it. We'll see. Can't hurt to try. I'll let you know.

Almost in the Crossfire

I was going to lunch and had just parked. Suddenly, I saw the SWAT TEAM swarming around me! I was quickly escorted out of the shopping complex. When I got back to work, I went online and found out that some guy came and shot NINE PEOPLE at a salon!  It was just on the other side of the building I was parked at, although I didn't hear anything because I had the radio on, and the windows rolled up with the air conditioning on.  SCARY and very, very sad. I think all the people died. Pretty glad I didn't get in the middle of that. YIKES.

Habib is trying to kill me.

So my Gastrologist, Habib, who is the most adorable little man EVER who speaks with a stutter (you just want to hug him), made a most upsetting request yesterday. The results of my endoscopy revealed that I only have mild acid reflux disease, so the diagnosis for the severe symptoms I have are a combination of the acid reflux and a massive anxiety disorder. In order to lessen my troubles, Habib suggested I cut out Chocolate, Coffee, Alcohol and Smoking.

I stared at him and blinked.

Then I said, "So, let me get this straight, you are asking a WOMAN with a massive anxiety disorder, to cut out CHOCOLATE, COFFEE, ALCOHOL and SMOKING? Are you HIGH??"

He laughed very loud. I did not. Then he said, "OK, maybe just cut back."

I don't think he realizes that those are the things that keep me alive.

Time to Read

I've missed reading. Over the last few years, it has been difficult for me to read. I've read a few books here and there, but I can't seem to concentrate on anything for very long when I'm tired and home from work.  Today I spent time with my two moms, and we had a great conversation about all the different books we've read and all of a sudden, I'm all jazzed up.  So, I went up to my bookshelf and brought one down.  "Subterranean" by James Rollins is what I chose. I will let you know what I think! I'm going to go take my nightly swim and then curl up in front of the fireplace with Mags. Yup, my Saturday night. Sad, huh?

Life in 5 Short Chapters

Here I am again, struggling to make sense of things. Digging for the root of the problem. Trying to live in the now. I've had to make some tough decisions lately and it is hard to do that alone. No matter where you go, you have to take yourself with you. Do you ever get sick of yourself? Sometimes I feel like Tom Hanks' character did in "Cast Away". If I start talking to a ball, though, intervene, OK?

My therapist left me with this poem today. I fluctuate between Chapters 2 and 3.

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost, I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in, it's a habit, but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

-Portia Nelson

Mermaid or Whale?

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?" The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.

They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.

They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?

They would have no sex life and could not bear children.

Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.

And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.

We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.

Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

By: Delphine Fieberg

You know you are feeling better when...

...you are dancing around the house in your underwear at 3 am singing along to "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA, sporting vampire fangs. Yup.

I need a vacation from my own head.

For the quick update, I am going to cut and paste what I wrote on Facebook because I am too lazy to rewrite it.

Monday's procedure went well, but after I woke up, I suffered from a migraine so bad I wanted to slit my own wrists. Then, the next day I came down with a severe respiratory infection that has had me bedridden most of the week. It sounds like I swallowed a chainsaw. I am going back to work tomorrow because I can't spend one more minute at home inside my own head. I thought about a lot of stuff, and that's really dangerous.

Now here is the part I don't put on Facebook where people who actually know me go. I like the anonymity of my blog sometimes. I think only two or three people in my real life actually come here, and I'm not even sure about that anymore.

I came close to rescuing a really cute puppy, but my mom made the point I'm not home enough. (Although I have been lately). It's true, I like dogs better than people, I'm going to end up the old dog lady, I'm telling you. I can't believe how much I still miss Lou. You don't get over it. People are generally mean, disrespectful and untrustworthy. Dogs, well, aren't. They actually seem to give a shit. Yeah, they pee on the floor and bark at paper, but they don't mess with you. Maggie didn't leave my side this week while I laid in bed dying and crying. She is laying at my feet right now.

I have that confused, dazed thing going on again. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going. It's kind of chronic. Oh, and it sucks too. I'm hopeless. Utterly fucking hopeless. I'm sick of the positive shit right now so you're going to have to deal with that.

A New Era?

I know I haven't been blogging daily like you are all used to, so I'm sorry for that. I'm working things out in my head right now and changing some things in my life. Again. I'm shifting my priorities. It has become apparent to me that I walk my own road. I'm not sure of the reasons why, but that is how it is.

I am still involved with John to a point, but our time together is sparse, and I don't know what the future holds for us, if there is a future. I care for him very much, but like I said, I'm walking a strangely narrow road right now. I have been asked out by some other men recently, but I have turned them all down.

I go in for an upper GI endoscopy on Monday. It turns out I do not have Gastroparesis, but something is wrong, so they need to do some searching. Not fun. I'm not supposed to take any ibuprofen or aspirin for 4 days before the procedure, and of course I have a pounding headache today. Joy.

I'm hoping for a quiet weekend.

Cairn Terrors

I finally, at last, found someone who totally understands what it is like to own a Cairn Terrier.

Cairn Terrier Index Page (ddgnevada.com)

If after perusing all these Cairn Terrier related issues and you still think you might be right for a Cairn, I would obtain one final opinion from a disinterested third party, otherwise known as a 'Sanity Check'.

Even if you do not own a Cairn, you will enjoy Dan's stories. They are really, REALLY funny, and SO true. One minute you can't imagine loving a dog more, and the next minute you want to kill them. Total obnoxious brats. Anyway, trust me on this one and read if you are any kind of a dog lover at all.

Stuff and Things

1.  I did not get laid off, but many did and the workload is going to be INSANE.

2.  The doctor thinks I may have "Gastroparesis" which is why I get "sick" so often. Neat. I see a specialist next week.

3.  I was recommended to do a 3-day juice cleanse to detox my system.

4.  I am very frustrated with John, and I don't know what to do. Don't have time to worry about it.

5.  I kept seeing a white line appear and disappear on my ceiling that drove me nuts. Couldn't figure out where it was coming from or what it was, and one night stood on top of my bed and yelled at it. Don't tell anyone, they will lock me up and throw away the key.

That is all for now.

Great Quotes

“Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow.”

-Norman Vincent Peale

“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”

-Muhammad Ali

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.”

-Abraham Lincoln

If you’re going through Hell, keep going.

-Winston Churchill

“Any guy can love a thousand girls, but only a rare guy can love one girl in a thousand ways.”

-Anonymous

Kids, Disneyland Meetups and My Exhausted Ass

VERY busy weekend, OMG. The kids (I have 3 now you know, Bill, Erica and Robby, who call me "Mama Cheryl".) came over Friday night, Sat, and Sun. I took them to see Apollo 18, they ate me out of house and home (bottomless pits!) and we swam and watched horror movies. Really good to see them, but poor grandma followed after us cleaning most of the time. LOL. She says they like coming to see me because I am "one of them".

Today I had my second "meetup" at Disneyland. The people are great. This meetup thing was at the advice of my new therapist, she wants me getting out and making friends instead of stressing and hanging out in my own head. We met for lunch at the Blue Bayou, then did all our favorite rides. I am getting *really* spoiled with my new friends, I don't have to wait in ANY lines! Someone always has either a VIP Card or a Guest Assistance Pass (for handicaps/illnesses) which gets us right to the front of the line every time. I don't think I can go back to being a normal visitor!!

I am beat.  I have to go back to work to relax!

Me and John

OK so its hard to take cell phone pics when you're drinking. Sue me.

DMV Hell

Did I tell you about the whole mess I had with the California DMV? Where I had to go back, like, 8 times and wait 3 hours because each time some stupid little thing was wrong. Like, for instance my birth certificate says one thing and my old driver's license said another thing and I may have burned my marriage license and my divorce paperwork said I was going back to my maiden name, and so on and so forth. So, then once they MADE me change back to my maiden name and gave me my license, they spelled my name wrong, and I had to go through the WHOLE FUCKING PROCESS AGAIN. It took me 20 minutes to explain to the English-is-my-second-fucking-language government worker that they spelled it CHERLY instead of CHERYL. He did not see the problem. It was like talking to someone who had just smoked an entire joint. THEN, I had to go and RE-DO and re-pay-for my registration to be done in my maiden name because dumb me got that done first before they had a cow that I couldn't prove I had been married.

So, now that I have to change 60 million things into my new name with less than zero time to do it, I figured I would go next to the Social Security office. Fuckers. I had a 5-minute wait, ALL my paperwork, and GUESS WHAT? "I'm sorry, but you need either the original or a certified copy of your divorce paperwork." FUUUUUUCK! The original got lost somehow in the move to California that I had a whole 3 weeks to do, and everything was chaos. So, I had to call my lawyer who has to call the court and now I will have to wait another 3 weeks. And then I will owe my lawyer more money, and they charge like, 50 dollars a minute.

Everything in my life is this way. I will tell you what. I'm keeping this name. If I ever get remarried, (stop laughing), I hope he is an understanding guy because I'M NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!