My little articulate extortionist.

My mother has this hilarious little habit of saying phrases wrong and using words incorrectly. As I get older, I am starting to do the same thing, proving it is genetic. Ha. The other day at work I was trying to tell a few of my coworkers how "intuitive" Louie, my dog, is. Instead, I told them my dog was "articulate". Roars of laughter. THEN, yesterday Louie was chasing his tail and rolling around like a freak and my mom exclaimed, "What an extortionist he is!" I laughed so hard I peed. So now everyone wants to meet Louie, the "articulate extortionist". LOL!

A Strong Woman Vs. A Woman of Strength

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape,
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything,
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her,
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future,
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them.

A strong woman walks sure footedly,
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face,
but a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey,
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

- Marta S. Hardy

The Crazies

Gotta love good zombie flicks. My neighbor was an extra in "ZMD, Zombies of Mass Destruction". How cool is THAT? I'm going to see if either he or my stepson wants to go see "The Crazies" with me, I have to go with someone who can appreciate the genre, and I'm not going by myself.

It's a DATE not a wedding!

I love my coworker's take on my situation.

"For the love of God Cheryl, it's a DATE not a wedding! Just GO. Let him take you out and spend some money on you, and have a good time!"

She has a point.

Persistence

Remember the guy I told you about that asked me out and I turned him down? He won't give up. It seems strange to me that he wants to go out with me that bad. Most likely guy hormones, I don't know. I'm suspicious of motives I guess. Am I being paranoid? As much as I *love* a persistent man, I just don't know. I don't trust my decision making abilities.

The Bucket List

Watching that movie right now and I'll tell you what, EVERYONE should watch it. I want to LIVE my life, not exist. I actually have a bucket list. (Things you want to do before you die). I totally forgot about it until now. I crossed two things off of my list that I wrote so long ago. TWO. Pathetic. The things I crossed off were 'start my own website' and 'go to NY'. Uh, I need to do a little more, I think. There are 100 things on my list, 98 to go. Where there is a will, there is a WAY.

I learned how to mow the grass today. NOT on my bucket list. LOL. Trying to get that motherfucking mower started took an hour. My shoulder is killing me. I also broke up the part of my fence that got kicked over and drug it across the yard out of sight to go to the dump. I'm going to sledgehammer the rest of the parts standing. Therapy. I'm sure I was quite the spectacle to my neighbors today.

Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stallmate

1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shit!! My glass eye!"
6. Say, "Damn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from eight to 6 feet high. Sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
11. Say, "Interesting, more sinkers than floaters."
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."
15. Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well-known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free".

ROFLMAO!

Tried to sleep, but no banana.

Up all night. Dying now at work. It's because of all the fun I've been having. I gotta cut that out. ;-)

I think I am going to leave early today before I collapse. Going to hit Costco, and then going out to dinner with mom, so if I don't get a nap I'm going to fall over. My throat is a little scratchy too. Blah. My coworker said I looked like shit today. THANKS. LOL. I feel like a college student again, no sleep, too much caffeine and big dark circles under my eyes.

Oh, and everybody stop with the texting! Some of us have to work!

Planning for the Future

Here's an unusual post for me, a serious one. I'm trying to figure out the whole retirement/savings/investment for the future thing. It's not that I haven't thought about it before, but circumstances have been such that I really couldn't focus on it too much until now. A 401K is a duh, but that isn't enough, and I need to seek advice on some strategies that will work for me. I need to find more out about exactly WHAT to invest IN. The pro and cons of CD's, money market, IRA's, stocks/bonds, and so on and so forth. Is real estate still a good investment? It doesn't seem so in this economy, but I don't know. Should I be aggressive, should I be conservative, a little of both? I know to diversify, but how? I had a financial planner help me out with the different stocks to diversify in for my 401K, but it gets pricey to go much further than that, and I would rather invest the money rather than pay someone too much to give me opinions. The stock market is volatile of course, and I don't know much about it, so it frightens me. I'm doing some research, but it can get confusing and it takes a lot of time I don't have. At present I don't have much to work with, but I anticipate with hope that things will change later and want to be ready and educated so as to not make poor decisions. Right now it is important for me to work on getting out of debt of course, but I want to be proactive in saving as well.

Does anyone out there have any general advice? What do you do? I don't expect details from strangers on the internet of course, but if anyone has any practical advice I would love to hear your thoughts.

DDD

Day of Dealing with Dickheads. That was today. I have my moments like anyone else, but I don't believe I am hard to get along with or talk to, in fact most people I work with tell me I am one of the most easy-going people they have ever met. HOWEVER, if you are a dickhead, I run out of patience with you at some point and tell you like it is. Dickheads generally don't take this well. LOL.

SOME people like to be aggressive with me and do not respect any knowledge or authority I might have in my profession of 16 years. I can deal with that if they are diplomatic and professional, but when they get in my face, I absolutely do NOT back down and stand my ground. I had to do that today. I will probably hear about it tomorrow. Oh well. I have no problems admitting fault or apologizing if I have stepped over the line, but I will get my point across come hell or high water. I am just not a "lay down and die" kind of person.

Okay, enough of that, I don't want to get "Dooced". (If you don't know what that is, try Googling it.)

I decided to say "fuck it" tonight and order a pizza. Haven't done that in quite a while! (I had a slice at the California Pizza Kitchen the other night, but mostly ate salad.) I have lost 22(?) pounds now since I started keeping track, probably more, but I just want to indulge this evening. Tomorrow it will be back to Bistro MD and protein shakes. The pizza people said it was going to take an HOUR AND 20 MINUTES for delivery. CRAP. I won't be eating until 9pm. Well, at least I won't get interrupted during "LOST"!

Chillaxing.

Did a few things around the house, but mostly relaxed, slept and spent time with myself. It was so nice. I turned down a date. (I know!) He is local, but I can tell he is not a good match for me. I guess I'm picky. I would rather be alone than be with the wrong person. I felt kinda bad, he wasn't very happy about it, but I am not desperate and I know what I want. I also told one of my "cyber chats" I wanted to be just friends. I am soul searching and this was the result of it. I'm proud of myself! I deserve the best!

Right now I'm trying to decide whether to watch "Walking Tall" or order something from Pay-Per-View. It is late, but with all the relaxing I'm wide awake.

It was an absolutely gorgeous day!

It was sunny and (sorta) warm, not a cloud in the sky! I drove with my sunglasses on, windows down and the sunroof open. IN FEBRUARY!

Went out on a date for dinner tonight at the California Pizza Kitchen. Had a decent time, but he's definitely not "The One". I dressed up in some new clothes and wore my cute new kitten heels. I felt pretty. And that is even more rare than sun in Feb! :-)

Have a fun weekend planned.

Got some cute shoes for half price. Louie apparently likes my new shoes too, because he just wouldn't get out of the way. The weather has been nice, so I have a date planned tomorrow that includes dinner out. Perhaps details later, we'll see.

The earrings are a gift from a friend who just got back from Panama (so nice!), and I also got some new glasses. My eyeballs are failing, I had to get progressive bifocals. Those suckers were expensive.

Not much else to say today, so goodnight.

CrazyDogMama Code

I'm bored. I have cramps. I don't want to eat. I don't want to exercise. Just back away, slowly, no eye contact.

I can't seem to focus on anything for any length of time, so beware that this post will no doubt make no sense at all. I was feeling happy yesterday, and today I want to smack someone. Anyone. Just for fun. Everything everyone said today, in person, online, wherever, irritated me to no end. I don't know why. Women, huh? We are moody, get over it. I wasn't mean to anyone though, mind you. That is not acceptable.

That gives me an idea. There is a CrazyDogMama Code that I live by. You should too.

1. Never take your bad mood out on anybody.
2. Carry Aleve on you at all times.
3. Don't smack people unless it's absolutely necessary.
4. Always be ready to go out. (This is new for me.)
5. Get to know your neighbors.
6. Never guzzle wine. Enjoy every sip.
7. Don't try to be something you are not.
8. Remember every problem is temporary.
9. Take leaps of faith.
10. Keep hope alive for the life you desire.
11. Take chances once in a while.
12. Talk to people. Even if you are afraid to. It will most likely be worth it in some way.
13. Forgive easily.
14. Give it your all.
15. Don't give up.
16. Don't put God in a box.
17. Remember that you suck just like everyone else, just maybe in a different way.
18. Take regret out of your vocabulary, even bad experiences are important.
19. Kiss slowly and softly.
20. Compliment others.
21. Don't try to breath in while drinking a beverage, you will choke and cough for about a half an hour.
22. Try to find humor in everything.

Eating good, losing weight, having fun.

I've decided that I have been taking life WAY too seriously and it is time to chill out and have some fun! Instead of worrying about every little detail, I'm just talking to everyone and being myself not even thinking about any outcome.

So, let's see, we have NY Guy, Cali Boy and the new addition of Florida Dude. (I have the corners of the country covered, LOL.) Florida Dude is HOT. Not celebrity hot, but rugged, outdoorsy, big-huge muscles hot. The other two are handsome and all, but Florida Dude, WOW. All three of them share the same faith as me, but each is so very different. I feel all popular and shit! I'm being totally honest with these guys about who I am, and they dig me anyway! Not that I have been so dishonest before, but just scared that guys wouldn't like the real me. Turns out I was wrong. How cool is THAT?

What is so fun is that I don't have to make any "first" moves, I just sit and wait, then respond appropriately. These three are now what I'm calling my "regular chats". One of them is seriously wanting to get together soon, one is very optimistic about a future meeting but is taking it slow, and the third is just casual, fun and very interesting. I now eat my dinner in front of the laptop, sometimes with a nice glass of good red wine so I stay chilled out.

Speaking of dinner, here are a few pics of the yummy food that I get to eat while watching the pounds melt away. Pork tenderloin in a papaya sauce, chicken marsala, and beef tenderloin with a Thai chili sauce. All yummy.

4 days of bliss comes to an end.

The weekend is over. Poo. I did enjoy parts of it, my mom and I had fun as always. I had a nice lively email chat this morning that kept me in stitches (NY guy), and a long-ass phone conversation tonight with California boy. That's right, two men. What do you know! In the same day! NY guy and I have been sending pictures back and forth. Quite amusing, I must say! We both like to snap cheesy cell phone pics. My mom was bugging me during my email chat this morning and so I sent of pic of her to him too. She wasn't mad at all! She even picked out the pic! (My mother won't allow me to post pics of her on the internet, but she is good with sending them to my cyber boyfriends.) I think she is living vicariously through me. "What did he say now?", "What are you talking about?", "Can I read it?" (Um, NO.) California boy is planning my Cali vacation in June for me. None of this will probably happen, it's more like enjoying a fiction novel.

I should go to bed, but I'm wired. Too much coffee. The dogs have gone bonkers. They have EVERY freakin' dog toy out. You can't even walk in here. At least they are happy. :-)

Call from a distressed friend.

I got a call from a distressed friend at 3 am this morning. My long-time friend Brent has a blood clot in his leg and the doctors can't seem to help him. He has been in and out of the hospital many times over the last month and it is possible he could die if it gets to his heart. I am so worried for my friend; I have known him since I was 18 years old, and he has always been one of those people in my life I could always count on. He has lent me many an ear and many a shoulder to cry on, and I don't know how to feel other than extremely sad. I wish there was something I could do for him other than pray. He sounded so scared, and we cried together.  I love him so much.

If you pray, please pray for him. He is a good man. He has a wife and a young son.

I am stiff and sore and can hardly move.

I've spent the last two days running errands and cleaning. I cut up what seemed like a hundred boxes for the recycle bin, did 4 loads of laundry, threw away and bagged up a bunch of stuff from the garage and cleaned it up, sewed a hole in my cheetah pillow, fixed a nice dinner for my mom (who was helping me bless her heart), did a huge pile of dishes, answered a million emails and now I'm lying in bed with a backache. What I wouldn't give for a massage right now!

Tomorrow I am going to clean out the pantry, and if it is not raining, attempt to mow the lawn. That should be entertaining in that I've never done it before in my life. Please God let it rain. LOL. I have been avoiding the task for some time now, bribing others to do it, but I'm out of bribe money. I also have to somehow get on the roof and get the moss off. If you don't see me blogging, you'll know I fell off and died.

For Valentine's Day my mom got me a set of tools. So romantic! We were trying to do some household fixes and we found out I had no tools anymore. D'oh! You must own a hammer. Life is difficult without a screwdriver and a hammer.

My four-day weekend kinda sucks, but at least I'm getting some much-needed things done. Hope you all are having a little more fun than I.

Let's also hope for no more nightmares, how about a nice dream that makes me feel good when I wake up? OK thanks. Goodnight.

No matter what I do I can't stay asleep.

I keep waking up for some reason or another. The latest awakening was due to a nightmare. What adult has terrible nightmares? Aparently I'm 12. This one was a taunting nightmare that bad things keep happening to me because I'm a terrible person.

It is dumb, I know. But it keeps me awake nonetheless.

I might be funny.

4-day weekend, here I come! I don't know what I wanna do. People keep asking me to do stuff, but part of me just wants to curl up with the dogs and not leave the couch for 4 days. Or go to Greece. Either one. HA.

So, what is everyone doing for Valentines Day? Per usual, no romance for CrazyDogMama. Perhaps I will clean the garage. Good times.

I went out with some coworkers tonight to bid farewell to a friend of mine who was contracting. His contract ended and they didn't renew it so we thew him a party. It was a hoot. I (think) I got a compliment tonight. One of the ladies who joined us said to me "I didn't know you were so funny!" She said I was "fun". I thought it was nice. Apparently, I'm "funny". I actually wasn't trying to be, it must just be that shiny personality of mine. LOL.