Call from a distressed friend.

I got a call from a distressed friend at 3 am this morning. My long-time friend Brent has a blood clot in his leg and the doctors can't seem to help him. He has been in and out of the hospital many times over the last month and it is possible he could die if it gets to his heart. I am so worried for my friend; I have known him since I was 18 years old, and he has always been one of those people in my life I could always count on. He has lent me many an ear and many a shoulder to cry on, and I don't know how to feel other than extremely sad. I wish there was something I could do for him other than pray. He sounded so scared, and we cried together.  I love him so much.

If you pray, please pray for him. He is a good man. He has a wife and a young son.

I am stiff and sore and can hardly move.

I've spent the last two days running errands and cleaning. I cut up what seemed like a hundred boxes for the recycle bin, did 4 loads of laundry, threw away and bagged up a bunch of stuff from the garage and cleaned it up, sewed a hole in my cheetah pillow, fixed a nice dinner for my mom (who was helping me bless her heart), did a huge pile of dishes, answered a million emails and now I'm lying in bed with a backache. What I wouldn't give for a massage right now!

Tomorrow I am going to clean out the pantry, and if it is not raining, attempt to mow the lawn. That should be entertaining in that I've never done it before in my life. Please God let it rain. LOL. I have been avoiding the task for some time now, bribing others to do it, but I'm out of bribe money. I also have to somehow get on the roof and get the moss off. If you don't see me blogging, you'll know I fell off and died.

For Valentine's Day my mom got me a set of tools. So romantic! We were trying to do some household fixes and we found out I had no tools anymore. D'oh! You must own a hammer. Life is difficult without a screwdriver and a hammer.

My four-day weekend kinda sucks, but at least I'm getting some much-needed things done. Hope you all are having a little more fun than I.

Let's also hope for no more nightmares, how about a nice dream that makes me feel good when I wake up? OK thanks. Goodnight.

No matter what I do I can't stay asleep.

I keep waking up for some reason or another. The latest awakening was due to a nightmare. What adult has terrible nightmares? Aparently I'm 12. This one was a taunting nightmare that bad things keep happening to me because I'm a terrible person.

It is dumb, I know. But it keeps me awake nonetheless.

I might be funny.

4-day weekend, here I come! I don't know what I wanna do. People keep asking me to do stuff, but part of me just wants to curl up with the dogs and not leave the couch for 4 days. Or go to Greece. Either one. HA.

So, what is everyone doing for Valentines Day? Per usual, no romance for CrazyDogMama. Perhaps I will clean the garage. Good times.

I went out with some coworkers tonight to bid farewell to a friend of mine who was contracting. His contract ended and they didn't renew it so we thew him a party. It was a hoot. I (think) I got a compliment tonight. One of the ladies who joined us said to me "I didn't know you were so funny!" She said I was "fun". I thought it was nice. Apparently, I'm "funny". I actually wasn't trying to be, it must just be that shiny personality of mine. LOL.

HOT WATER

I have never missed something so much.

I am going to take a nice, long, bubble bath. Ooh the luxury. The steam. The pretty girly smells. Cold showers can really make you a lunatic, LET ME TELL YOU. Not that I had far to go.

Change of subject.

I'm finding that I'm very picky. (You know what I mean.) No one is cutting the mustard. So far it is fun and entertaining, and I'm making some friends, but I think I'm a freak magnet. OK, not every guy I've talked with is necessarily a freak, but they just aren't good enough. And damnit, I'm not settling! I'm not even settling for a mediocre date, if they don't come up with something cool, forget it. (Disneyland is cool, for example.) You never know until you really get to know someone, but I gotta "feel it". Not that I was expecting (nor wanting) this to be a quick or easy process, I'm just sayin'.

Can't afford cable...OUT.
In between jobs...OUT.
Wants to marry me after 2 emails...OUT.
Calls me incessantly...OUT.
Can't type a complete sentence...OUT.
Refers to himself in the 3rd person...OUT. (Wasn't that a Seinfeld episode? LOL.)

I can't find normal. I'm not trying to be shallow or snobby or anything, I just have standards, that's all.

They say when you stop looking, THAT'S when it happens. OK. Maybe I'll give that a try, this is nuts.

OK, gotta run. Hot water awaits.

My head is spinning.

No, I haven't been drinking. Things are just going so fast and furious in my life. I feel like I don't have one second to take it all in. To reflect. I need a switch to stop time for a week or so. Between work, errands, responsibilities, phone calls, paperwork, projects, and other crap, it is very difficult to get a foothold. I have a little anxiety going on. I got an unexpected phone call this morning from one of my new "friends". It was sweet, and exciting, and made me feel good, but I find myself grappling for words these days. I feel like a Highschool girl or something. Ha. I'm going to try and get some sleep, but I'm not holding my breath.

First Date?

It isn't until June or so, but STILL! The guy I've been talking to in California wants to meet at either Disneyland or Knott's Berry Farm this summer. Great date, huh? I thought so. In the meantime, we just keep talking and getting to know each other. This gives me time to work on my weight, too, which freaks me out. He doesn't seem to care, but I do. The NY guy wants to move to WA. Really?

We shall see how things turn out. I am a natural pessimist, I think. Or maybe I'm just jaded, I don't know. I need to get the hell over it!

Happy Superbowl!

My new NYC hat that I bought for my ex as a souvenir, but then he left, so I kept the hat. Doesn't exactly scream 'Superbowl' but I'm not really a sports person anyways. Happy Superbowl.

Hot Damn!

I'm down 9 pounds in a week and a half! That's a total of 19 since December. On my way to being a hottie! Ha.

I'm trying to be open-minded and casual.

Woke up at 7:30 and it's about time for my nap. LOL. Got invited to a Superbowl party tomorrow, but I don't know if I'm going to go. Haven't decided yet.

Been emailing a couple of people for a few weeks now (yes, guys) who are both sweet. One of the conversations is getting pretty interesting, we'll see. I've been pretty tight-lipped, letting them do most of the talking. I'm loosening up a little, though. One is from NY and the other is from California. Too far away, but who knows. It's fun to just chat and get used to this new adjustment in my life. You know, dip my toes in the pool slowly.

It just keeps getting better and better.

For the first time in as long as I can remember I owe the IRS my kidneys and my first born child. I always get a refund, but not this year! It is more than I can come up with by April 15th. Fuck me. Back to eating Top Ramen and frozen burritos. I sometimes wonder what keeps me from driving off a cliff Thelma and Louise style, but without Thelma.

Wine, Cards, and The Captain & Tennille

We each have a personal bottle of Woodbridge Chardonnay, I'm losing at Gin Rummy, and The Captain & Tennile are coaxing us to get up and dance. "That's the way, uh huh, uh huh, I like it!"

Yup, Friday night with my ma. LOL! I love these kinds of nights, honestly. Brings back memories of my childhood and is just a way to totally decompress from the trainwreck that is my life. I don't know what I would do without my mom right now.

Don't you wish you could join us?

Yeah, go ahead. Check me into the loony bin.

There is someone I wish I could talk to, but I don't know his real name. Oh well, he probably wouldn't want to talk to me anyway. I could have a one-sided conversation here on my blog; I have so much I want to tell him. But for tonight I'll just talk to him in my head.

Plumbing Issues

It was a DAY.

I took the day off to deal with my plumbing issue and to get some much-needed R&R. It looks like my neighbor can get me a new water heater tank for a few hundred bucks and is going to install it for me for free. I owe him BIG. I'm going to have to cook for him or something! I feel like such an idiot with house maintenance issues. I have to call him for everything. "My heater is broken! My water is cold! I can't lift this! I need help installing my TV! How do you use the lawn mower?" Good grief.

LOST in LOST

AGAIN. My biggest question: Desmond wasn't on the original flight (he is the one who caused the original crash by not resetting the numbers to keep the magnetic forces at bay), so the bomb going off didn't recreate the time accurately for that counterpart of the show, so something else is going on. WTF? Damn it!

Whoever wrote that show was on crack. But I love them. ;-)

Several things here.

Lou is sporting my new scarf and leopard gloves, albeit with much annoyance. I could NOT get him to look at the camera. He punishes me for doing such things. I'm sure he'll shit on the floor later. You may also notice that there are no sheets on my bed. Yep, just the naked mattress. I washed the sheets over a week ago and have not put them back on. I am the epitome of laziness sometimes. I also hate putting sheets on. HATE. IT.

I bought this candle, and I don't care if I had 1000 dogs in this house simultaneously peeing, you would not smell it! It is SO worth the $8.99. Trust me on this.

Bistro M.D.

It is going well, the food is quite tasty and the weight is falling off, but OMG I WANT A FREAKING COOKIE.

You may fall over when you read this.

I went to church today. A new friend of mine invited me to go with her and her husband to a local community church. Now, for those of you that know me, you know I love the Lord but am not all that thrilled about organized religion. That is still true to some degree, but if the people are real and the place isn't a stadium, I'm willing to give it a chance. And NO, I did not spontaneously combust when I walked through the doors. LOL I am not exactly a shining example of what a "typical" mainstream Christian woman is, I guess. I cuss, I drink occasionally, I watch horror movies, I don't have the whole little cozy family thing going on and I am little sarcastic. Now, I don't expect to be joining the choir or leading Bible study next week, but it was nice. I believe it is what is in your heart that makes your faith what it is, and there is no room for judging others or trying to be someone you are not.

I suppose you could say I have hit a sort of "rock bottom" in my life over the last few years. Things aren't that bad, but they could certainly be a whole lot better. I'm working on that. I thank God for what I have, and ask for help and wisdom when I need it. It isn't God's fault for anything that has happened in my life. It is just life. We make choices, but all in all I believe in a personal relationship with my maker and do not consider Him my personal genie in a bottle.

I felt a little out of place today, but once I got settled, I talked to God. I said, "Where do I go from here? What is the plan?" (I don't like to mince words.) After that I sat in silence, listening to the message. I felt physically alone, but I knew God was right there keeping me together. I could feel it. I feel Him sometimes when I am home or driving. He told me that He knows all about me and what I am going through. He said he has never once left me. I asked Him to let me know that it wasn't my own voice telling me those things. The words, "Trust me." just kept coming to mind. That was it. When I opened my Bible, there were familiar scribblings among the pages. They reminded me of a different time. The pastor was teaching from 1 Corinthians. A good chapter for me right now.

I pretty much ran out as soon as the service was over and didn't talk to anyone because I'm not used to church and haven't been in one for many years. Silly, huh?

I came home and my neighbor and I have been trying to figure out my water problem. I'm going to have to get on my knees about this one I think. UG.

The Cuteness of Sleeping

Why are sleeping dogs so damn cute?

Anything is possible.

Someone said that to me today. I really want to believe them.