What is the point?

Right now I'm trying to figure out what the point in blogging is. I guess I'm trying to figure out the point in a lot of things right now.

Feast 3

OKAY, it's snowing, and I'm all curled up on the couch about to watch "Feast 3". LOVED Feast 1, Feast 2 wasn't too bad, so now for the grand finale. Seriously though, if you haven't seen the original Feast, go rent it RIGHT NOW. Best monster movie EVER.

Um, yeah.

Not so deep.

My posts have been a little shallow lately because my brain has been fried. I go home at night and crash; I haven't even been watching my shows. I get up, go to work, eat a little something, and go to bed. That is pretty much life right now with the exception that I went to dinner with my mom last night. I'm beat. Tired. Not much of a life, huh? Yeah. I know. I feel like many things are out of my control right now, so I'm operating in robot mode, yet trying to learn my job. The future seems muddled; uncertain; ominous.

Applebee's

You know, Applebee's isn't half bad! I am here for the first time with mom. The spinach and artichoke dip rocks! I thought it was like a Denny's or something.

 
I wanted to stick sharp things into my eyeballs at work today, but I am getting the hang of things.

Lunch

Top Ramen for lunch dues. (Dues = Dudes)

Walk from the parking garage.

I'm frustrated today, (already), so I'll just post these random little Seattle pics I took on the walk to my building this morning. Enjoy. I need coffee and chocolate of some sort. Stat.

New Job Loneliness

I love being able to close my office door and have absolute silence. It is nice. I have so much reading to do, and the solitude helps me get it done faster.

I'm still feeling out of place, but that will just take time, I guess. You know how you feel when you are missing someone? That is the best way to describe how I feel. A little lonely, a little displaced. My other jobs afforded me comfort in that I hit the ground running on the first day, but that was a rare luxury I now know. What I am doing here is not that difficult in the grand scheme of things, but I do have some challenges ahead of me for producing change when people don't know me. I am much more tired at the end of my days here, that's for sure.

My personal life? I'm still battling the same demons, they never seem to get tired, but I'm pushing through the best I can. I've had to let go of someone recently, and it hasn't been easy. Not everyone is appointed to stay in your life, sometimes their presence is only for a season, for whatever reason. In this case, I think it was a combination of a lesson, a distraction, and an awakening.

I'm sure things will get better as I get to know people, but right now it's an adjustment for sure, and I'm a little tentative and sad.

Distractions Help

I'm trying to keep myself busy and not take so many naps on the weekend. It is hard. I did manage to start working on my home office project, but now the rest of the house is a mess. Arg!

I'm going to have a busy week at work reading procedures and learning the ropes. My boss is out of town, so it will be extra difficult. I actually brought in some personal items for my desk today, which was a feat with the hike I have to do. (Have I complained about that enough yet?) I still need flowers or a plant or something. I also forgot my lunch today, so I get to go wandering around Seattle today looking for food. Maybe I'll take a pic or two. I am so completely out of my comfort zone that it is a little amusing.

Office project, complete.

I no longer have piles and piles of stuff and boxes on the floor (see pic from earlier post), I put a bunch of clutter into the garage sale pile, I sorted through junk and papers and purged them, and vacuumed and dusted. I'm tired now.

The next step is picking out colors and painting, then designing a desk/bookshelf to build because the one I have is garbage. One thing at a time.

Saturday Morning Fun

Wanna fuck up your Saturday morning? Pay bills. Unless you have a lot of money, then in that case, just fuck you. ;-) Seriously, though, I need to do these things during the week, because it sets a bad tone for the weekend to start off seeing how much money I don't have to spend. It makes me want to crawl back into bed, put the sheets over my head, and not get back out until Monday morning. But here we are. I must continue on; it is what it is.

Maggie and Daddy. She also needs to be groomed, badly. Gah.

I'm not a groomer.

My poor badly groomed dog. His face is supposed to be much fuzzier. I keep telling him it will grow out. He's all mopey about it.

Well, I survived the first 3 days of my new job. It has been a big change for me, and all the walking has made my butt and hips sore. Shutty. I know.

I apparently woke up yelling "Get out!" LOL.

I think I've lost the ability to blog in any sort of organized fashion.

I'm working in the city now.

Really bad cell phone pics of Seattle around where I work. Today was better. Getting into the trenches.

First Day

I'm so exhausted. First day was overwhelming. I'm feeling a bit like a fish out of water at the moment. Working at a big company in downtown Seattle is a WHOLE lot different than working at a small private company on the cush, slow-paced Eastside. I have my own office (yay!), but I don't have a view. Yet. And I have to walk about a mile to the building from where I have to frigging park. Today it was rainy and windy. BUT I have a job (a good one) and I'm VERY thankful.

Yes, Juice, the commute sucks, and no, Nichole I don't work at Fred Hutchinson. I'll tell you where I work if you email me, I need to be careful on the blog these days.

Once I figured out what floor I work on, I then got stuck in the bathroom. There is good smelly lotion in there and after I washed my hands, I put some on. I then could not open the door with the big heavy round knob. I had to use my shirt to get it open, and even then, it took me a few minutes. Yeah, I'm doing great! What a loser. LOL.

I am now enjoying a LARGE adult beverage. Nighty night.

Aaaahhh!

Holy shit I'm overwhelmed! Breathe in, breathe out. Calm. I can do this.

Parking Lot Blogging

I'm sitting in the grocery store parking lot blogging. I did not get, nor intend to get groceries. I'm not sure why I'm here. I am smoking a cigarette (shut up) and drinking a flat Pepsi left over from lunch. Yes, this is who you are reading.

My last day at my contract job today was a little sad. I wouldn't have thought it would be, but I actually made a friend I will miss. I was only there 3 months, but it was pretty cool. I am starting a job tomorrow a little unlike anything I've ever done before. It's in the city, it has more than 50 employees, and it is Biotech. (I previously was in medical device.) I need to put my 'A' game on, and I guess that is why I'm nervous. It is exciting, too, but my life has been a bit topsy turvy and I need to make sure I am focused.

3 Day Headache

We've rolled around to Monday again and I have 6 gazillion things to do before Wednesday. Ug. I have had a 3-day headache and am going to try and get in to see my Chiropractor today because I think it has to do with my back and neck. I'm a violent sleeper.

We had some excitement at the CrazyDogMama household this past weekend. Two young guys were causing trouble in my front yard destroying property and yelling and fighting. One guy was trying to restrain the other who was clearly either drunk or hopped up on drugs. Totally out of control. I called 911. The cops came and surveyed the damage, but the boys were long gone by the time the fuzz arrived. Crap! My neighborhood is going to shit. I hate that.

Nervous about the new job.

Sometimes I just don't know what to say on this stupid thing. It's true, I'm kind of a sad person, and I rollercoaster all over the place, but I've experienced a lot of loss. Loss of family, loss of friends, loss of a job and loss I can't even explain. Loss I've not talked about. I've done things I'm not proud of, and I've experienced betrayal and deceit. Some days I get through just fine and smile and laugh, and others I just curl up in a ball and don't talk to anyone. I guess that's normal. But it doesn't feel normal. What do you do when you can't seem to get over something and can't snap out of a funk? I've been to therapy. Sick of that. I'm just praying now. I'm starting my new job on Wednesday and I'm a little nervous. So much change in such a short amount of time. This is some serious bullshit rambling, huh? I butchered the poor dog. I feel so sorry for the poor little guy. He looks really silly.

Uncooperative

Putting the crazy back in CrazyDogMama. I'm grooming Louie today. I want to kill someone. He doesn't cooperate. AT ALL. There is hair EVERYWHERE.

I needed a drink.

Aaaaahhhh. Amaretto Di Saronno.