Quiet

I've been rather quiet the last few days, I know. I have all these questions in my head that I can't answer.

Also, on Friday, I may find out that the gears of my life will shift yet again.

Team Sawyer

I get to dive into the world of LOST again soon. A much awaited and much needed escape. They better answer some QUESTIONS this season! I HATE waiting! I hate being confused!

 
So, girls, are you a Jack girl or a Sawyer (James) girl? I go back and forth.

I kind of feel LOST.

Wild hair day with quotes.

"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument."

-William G. McAdoo

"Never look down on anyone unless you're helping them up."
-Jesse Jackson

"Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny."
-Unknown

Back to the ice-cold stare look today, Nichole. Sorry. It's all I've got at the moment.

Razor's Edge

OK, enough with the sappy bullshit. Let's get things back to normal around here. Driving to work this morning I wasn't in the mood for news, traffic or soothing tunes. I popped in an AC/DC CD and cranked it. Mood music. ;-) After rocking out to Thunderstruck (which makes me drive too fast), "Razor's Edge" came on. It brought back a memory. Before I was "CrazyDogMama", I was "Razor's Edge". Yup.

Celebrating Friends

I have some really great friends. I would be dead without them. Literally. They are always there to pick me up off the ground just when I think I have no one. Some of them I don't talk with every day, and a few I don't see often, but when I need them, they are there. They don't always tell me what I want to hear, but they don't judge me, and they sit and cry with me. They pray for me. They've lent me money when they had very little themselves. They answer texts at 3 am. They panic when I don't blog for 24 hours or answer my emails. They love me even when I'm out of control or being high maintenance. I would die for them. I am there for every one of you. Forever. Thank you.

Mentally Retarded Dog

I have a mentally retarded dog, Louie, who pees in his own bed. I woke up this morning to the lovely smell of urine because his little cheetah bed is next to mine. YUCK. Fortunately, I bought the kind of dog bed you can throw in the washer, or so it said. So, I threw it in the washer. I am also apparently mentally retarded. Water came spewing out of the washer EVERYWHERE and it started going CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK, moved about a foot until its cord was yanked out of the wall, then shut off. Awesome.

Throwing Rocks

I'm alive and well. Sometimes I need a break, I'm sure you can understand that. Life threw a rock at my head, and it took a day to stop the bleeding. Ha, that kind of reminds me of a story. There was this boy in elementary school who used to throw rocks at me on our walk home. I ran from him at first, and would cry, but then one day I got sick of it, and started chucking rocks right back at him. Turned out he had a crush on me. We were besties after that.

Another blow.

Another new look. Down, get back up, down, get back up.

For Yogagirl

Howz THIS look, Missy? Hehe, I just called Yogagirl Missy. LOL.

My disillusioned look.

On a good note, I have been enjoying work the last few days, and having some fun. People are loosening up a bit and engaging my humor and playfulness.

Disillusioned

dis·il·lu·sion (noun.)

To free or deprive of illusion.
1. The act of disenchanting.
2. The condition or fact of being disenchanted.

disillusioned (adjective.)
Disappointed at finding out reality does not match one's ideals.

Yeah, this describes how I'm feeling. Especially the adjective definition. I don't know why I'm surprised. Why would I expect that any of my ideals existed? You can fall in love with an ideal, but don't be fooled. I'm angry. I am not directly involved, at least not anymore, but I'm sickened by some behavior I've run across. It seems some people can so easily bash and slander, yet they cannot or will not acknowledge what is in their own heart. Maybe hate is what is really in their heart. Let me give some advice for what it's worth. Fill your life with compliments and truth and wear your heart on your sleeve. Be transparent. Yeah, sometimes you get clobbered, but some of life's best and most important moments will more likely fill your heart that way. You will be able to say what you want to say without regret, you can put yourself out there and find what you're looking for. Does it always work? No. But if it doesn't, then it wasn't worth it anyway. Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation causes death. Death to the soul. It's not too late. Start now. You might be surprised at what awaits you.

Smoke and Mirrors

Oops. Only meant to delete one post, not three. LOL. I get a little click happy sometimes. Now I guess I'll have to post some new stuff. The internet is such a fascinating place, isn't it? Sometimes people aren't as smart as they think they are. Smoke and mirrors.

Citrus Shrimp Salad

Went out for dinner tonight. (Don't worry, my broke didn't pay.) This is the citrus shrimp salad I ordered. I think I'm a shrimpaholic. It was crazy good.

Story

I was reminded of a story this morning, it's kind of gross, but funny. I guess I will call it "Karma".

Once upon a time I was dating this idiot. He worked at a pizza place at the time. I had gone in to see him with my friends while he was working, and he offered to make me a personal pizza. I said sure, of course. He decided that hiding about 50 EXPIRED anchovies (the large ones that look like eels and taste like death) under my cheese would be funny. I took a huge bite, then abruptly puked all over the table. HAHA. Have fun cleaning up the puke, DILHOLE. I left. We stopped dating. :-) I can take a prank, but don't mess with my food.

Random photos.

Random photos. Me trying to stay awake at work, beloved traffic, Lou in my face wanting attention, my new blue ruffly blouse, and a sheepish grin for whoever knows what reason.

Severance Gone

I'm trying not to stress because it does no good whatsoever, but my severance package perks are running out at the end of this month, which means I'm going to have no insurance unless I go on the Cobra plan which is INSANELY expensive. To cover myself on medical, it is $421 a month! Shit! I'm still on contract where I'm at so there are no benefits. Time to start living on Top Ramen.

The answer to my weight problem?

IF ONLY. Hee.

Anguish and Chocolate

Every now and then I wake from the most disturbing dreams. I actually wake up crying and physically distraught. This has happened all my life. They aren't your horror-movie type dreams, but realistic life situation dreams that upset me terribly. A few have actually come to pass, which is why I think I get so rattled. Last night I had such a dream. It took me a good half an hour to calm down. Even when I wake up and realize it wasn't real, my body still keeps reacting from the trauma for a while because it felt so real in the dream. It is terrible. I'm fine now, but it stays on my mind throughout the day. Thank God it doesn't happen very often. I'm trying to concentrate on happy things right now, or things that would MAKE me happy. It helps. I feel exhausted. I would tell you about the dream, but it really isn't something you want to read about. Truly.

It is rainy and dark and gloomy today, but at least it isn't blizzarding or flooding. I am solemn and quiet and just trying to get my work done so I can go home. I did buy one more cookbook. Just ONE, last night. For 5 bucks. But it was an important one. Perhaps I will make something from in there tonight.

My Evening

Well the evening was successful, I received $85 for all my junk! That was way more than I was expecting! Yay! Grabbed dinner at the Mongolian Grill (Yum!) and went promptly home to watch 24. Maggie enjoyed the show as well, from the back of the couch. Isn't she cute? My fortune cookie wasn't about the love this time, but apparently, I will be traveling to a faraway place that has been in my thoughts! Bahamas here I come! Woo! LOL.

It is official. I can never be President.

I took a nice long shower and feel much better. No more drowning my boredom in oatmeal orgasm pies. I'm going to go sell my stuff now and hopefully make enough to grab a bite. This is my excitement for the weekend. I don't know WTF with the pictures.

Oh, here's something. It is official. I can never be President. They do not let the President have a Blackberry. (Safety reasons.) Mr. Obama is freaking out according to the news because he is an addict too. I'd probably say something like fuck it, I'm the President, the rules are changing, screw safety.